Wanderers in the Dark
by AnaWolf
Summary: On the night Allen has to leave the Order, he stumbles upon a secret hidden in the Ark. Now, hunted by the Noah and considered an enemy by the place he once called home, he has to search for the truth... The truth of Mana, Neah and himself as well. Where did he come from? Uncovering a web of illusions and doubts, Allen still moves forward. It is what he promised to do, after all.
1. Act One - Shattered World

" _This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper" – "The Hollow Man" by T. S. Eliot._

 **Act One – Shattered World.**

There was no sound around.

Not even from his footsteps. Whatever fetus of the noise they could've made was devoured by the silence before it was born…

He didn't mind, he even liked it better this way. A silence of this nature wasn't that bad… And with the whiteness surrounding him no matter which direction he looked to, there was a sensation that even the sound of a spider would be able to shatter everything around…

And what would be left, then? Shards. Glass pieces. Unrecognizable and useless…

Allen Walker had never realized before how _serene_ it was inside the Ark…

Yes, serene… With that absence of… Of what? Sounds, people? Everything and nothing? A place so oblivious to everything of the world outside to the point of giving the impression to exist outside the line of time and space… The memory of a dream that had taken physical shape without losing its nature…

He stopped walking for the first time since he had crossed the Ark's portal. Until now, he had been just wandering without being able to focus his mind in anything. Not what he was trying anyway, there was nothing he wanted to think about now, be what had been left behind, what would happen now or even where he would go…

It didn't make any difference, anyway…

He _could_ go anywhere….

And nowhere.

His eyes turned to the sky. Always cloudless, in its eternal blue… And actually, wasn't it strange? That there was a _sky inside_ the Ark? Allen wondered vaguely if it was real or just illusion.

Again, did it make _any difference?_

Was there any importance in this, _any whatsoever?_

So why bother?

It was enough that the said sky existed. It was enough that all that whiteness existed. If he was drowning, as he felt he was, at least it was in a peaceful place…

As much as the white-haired boy knew he should hurry up and leave, as much as the effects of the last events still hadn't left his system, his heartbeat wasn't as fast as one might have expected… His legs didn't shiver… His breathing was slow like the one of a sleeping person… His thoughts reduced to a passing mist that he didn't bother to control (not that he could), without substance or colors, fragments of forgotten dreams that floated and didn't stop for enought time to form a shape…

It wasn't all unpleasant.

And he was tired…

Too tired to resist and there was some… Comfort, he supposed, in giving, in being softly wrapped along the fresh perfume of the flowers in the vases near windows, doors and stairs.

(Was it a true aroma? The flowers seemed to never need water or any other basic care).

He could let himself drown.

He could accept the mist that hugged him from inside out.

Just drown inside himself…

It really had no importance and what was the reason to fight something that didn't bother or mattered? Specially if it was the only thing in the moment that brought some comfort? If the things around were real or not, he didn't care. The _comfort_ was real and that was enough…

It was enough…

Opening his eyes, ignoring any part of himself that still remained intact and was trying to wake the rest of his body and mind up, Allen limited himself to observe the several ways among stairs and buildings, white as snow under the moonlight.

He didn't think he would mind staying here forever…

He was _so tired…_

Something pulled his hair.

It was Timcampy… The golden golem had been near, flying around his head and now it bit and pulled some strands of Allen's hair with its teeth. Only when the boy turned his face to it, the golem released him and started flying from a side to the other, agitating its wings and tail.

" _Where to go… Right, Tim?"_ Even if he ran away, he would be hunted…

Go? Run away? But where to? _Where?_

Going back wasn't an option. Going to the Noah wasn't either. And there was also the question of Apocryphos, or whatever was the name of that creature he had just seen…

He allowed his feet to keep moving, not truly looking where he was going, listening to ghosts of words said by Komui so long ago…

" _First, I'll say "welcome back" to everyone"_

Until he entered the Order, Allen only wandered with his Master. They roamed in the world, destroying akumas when they found them, but never with any specific "mission"…

And before that, until he was eleven, the boy had traveled around with Mana… A pierrot and an orphan going from town to town, living of their street shows, never worried about the paths they chose… The _"where to go"_ was simple: Always forward and that was enough and they were together…

During all those years there had never been any _kind_ of thought regarding "where to return" or even "to who"… _And it had not mattered,_ they didn't _miss it,_ they were mere travelers…

" _Then I'll wrap my arms around Lenalee and hug her as tight as I can!"_

Even when his master had "ran off", leaving him to find his way alone to the Black Order, it hadn't been like now… And back then, the Order was only a "destination", a "place" like many others. He just had to go there to become an official Exorcist…

No more and no less…

But now…

" _As for Allen, well, I'll just have to make sure there is a ton of food for you"_

To be part of the Order… _To live there…_ Bit by not, it had become natural and everything else had remained in a pale past… The Order no longer existed as concept of "destination" or a mere "Quarter of Exorcists".

For the first time, Allen had learnt what it meant to have a "place to go back".

To have a place where people waited for you…

A _home._

" _Right about then, I daresay Lavi will just end up falling asleep. I'll make sure there's a blanket for him"_

Allen remembered that he had even been surprised when Lenalee told him how they had individual rooms… Because, when he thought about it, he had never had had a room that was actually _his._

And each time he and his friends came back, no matter where from, people didn't always say "Okaerinasai" (" _welcome home")_ and they answered " _Tadaima" ("I'm back")?_ A mere exchange of words, however that was so much part of there that it carried strength among each letter and made you feel warm?

" _And the older ones will want to have some wine and make a toast… We'll all throw a huge party"_

And so it was…

So it had been…

Every time he left, the "return", the "going back" was always the Order… And to the _people of it…_ Until Allen no longer could think such terms without those images, the meanings mixing until they become just one thing, forever…

It was the place he belonged.

The first place where he truly belonged…

 _It was his home…_

" _It'll be great"_

He had nowhere to _go._

He had nowhere to _go back_.

He hadn't…

" _I'm alone"_

He looked at his hands, without feeling them… It was as if he was outside his own body… The left hand to the akumas, the right to the humans… It was what he had decided, but what about _him_? Which side did he belong to?

" _This cruel memory of Noah and Innocence. You carry two monsters inside of you"_ Tyki had told him moments ago and it was something Allen hadn't been able to answer to, because it was the truth.

And what that made of him?

Suddenly, his nails went against his forehead, digging flesh and hiding his face as if ashamed of his existence, that he no longer was able to comprehend. Each one of his nerve terminations shivered, dissected by sensations that were alike maggots.

" _I'm alone"_

An inarticulate sound escaped from his throat and the echo ran through the streets and among buildings as if in search of another sound, any sound…

And like this echo, Allen looked around. The immaculate walls, the light brown floor and stairs… The flowers, yellow and pink with green leaves… And that sky. Everything seemed so pure…

How he would have liked to just sit there and stay… Be wrapped by the mist and…

In some corner of his mind where rational thought was still possible (or maybe it was just survival instinct), a thought was born in which roots of some lucidity still remained.

" _I decided to keep walking no matter what happens…"_ If he gave in and sit there, even for a second, he would no longer stand.

Timcampy landed in his shoulder, rubbing its wings against his face a bit.

He could _only_ go forward.

But the question remained… Where to?

If he didn't have anywhere to go and nothing mattered, then any place should be good enough… He had nothing with him besides Tim, but he could take care of that later and…

" _And the Order will try to chase you…"_ Unable to block the thought, Allen had to accept it, even if his nerves reacted to it as they would to a stab. Yes, but maybe he could hide his trail… Tim wasn't like the other golens, he had no tracker… And he… After opening another portal in the Ark and close it, they wouldn't be able to really tell the localization he had chosen… And maybe he could randomly open and close some other portals at the same time, just in case? Maybe he would be able to do so, he wasn't sure…

The nature of what he was doing ripped his nerves and blood. It ripped _him._

That was an escape plan.

Not from Apocryphos or the Noah…

An plan of escaping from _the Order…_

The Order where he had lived, where Lenalee and Komui and all the others were… His _family_ … The people he loved… Anything that happened or that they said, if there was one thing that wouldn't change was what he had told Lenalee: He would always be an Exorcist.

 _It was his home!_

Was he really running away from his home? His family?

Allen wanted to laugh… It… It was impossible, right? A paradox that, by itself, couldn't have a place in reality… He was _part_ of the Order and yet…

It was so senseless… That it was funny.

" _From now on, Allen Walker shall be classified as a Noah"_

The memory came as an arrow as if he was trying to unconsciously searching for a justification, an explanation, anything in which he could support all that was happening, but this only worked as a crack through which he bleed.

One more crack among ruins.

How had things reached this point?

 _Why?_

 _Why?_

"Damn it" The young man muttered to himself. "Damn it..."

The solitary sound of his voice disturbed him and he became quiet. It was better to not bother the silence, hungry for words.

Allen tried to cast away those thoughts and to change the focus of his attention, even if the essence remained in his system, between the grooves of his brain, a poison only waiting for the new opportunity to present itself.

He could follow this idea, open some portals and use any of them. After it, he could think better in what to do next… Maybe he could…

Once more, he stopped walking.

He had been just wandering aimlessly… A portion of his soul still trying to break free of that strange haze that had turned into a cocoon caging him inside himself, but even so, Allen had just noticed a strange thing…

During the last months during which the Order had been using the Ark as a transportation, many had studied the place… Not all areas had been explored, some doors seemed sealed, others only opened when connected to a chosen destination… Most of them were very alike, without many differences and of simple appearances…

Allen had just noticed one of the few that weren't.

It stood between two "houses", shaded by a stair crossing above it, almost as if hiding in the shadows.

In his lethargic state, the seed of curiosity was strong enough to push Allen closer to that door he had never seen before (which, in itself, wasn't that surprising), two crafted reliefs shaped in black spiral-ended lines, identical. In the middle, there were two circles with grey runes between them, the inner with a pentagram in its center.

At the top of the door, Allen saw a circle with some lines converging to the center where, taking almost all the space, was the figure of a light grey flower, turned down almost as a bell. He noticed that in the inferior corners of the door there were also two more different flowers.

Tim started to fly again around his head with clear agitation.

For some seconds, Allen just studied the door. The dark colors were a drop of black ink in all the whiteness.

Still without reflecting much about his actions, which relied more on impulse of inquisitiveness, he turned the silver doorknob, having only time to see small crafts in the shape of leaves.

It moved with a soft "click".

Allen frowned. Actually, he hadn't expected the door to _really_ open.

It leaded to a medium-sized room drowned in darkness. Though it had been closed for probably a long time, it was impregnated with a strange and soft smell that invoked the image of dead flowers offered to forgotten tombs under the moon. The only light came from a figure in the floor, casting light to something held a bit above it…

" _What the…"_

Allen blinked. What he saw was enough to disperse the mist inside him and clear his mind a little.

There was a person suspended in the middle of the room.

Taking careful steps, the boy approached the body without making a sound.

The figure in the floor was of two circles, one inside the other like the image in the door, also with figures that resembled ancient runes between them and again, in the center, there was a small pentacle, this time accompanied by two crescent moons back to each other and surrounded by other symbols Allen didn't know.

The whole thing emitted a strange white-lilac light that flowed along the drawing as liquid, illuminating and reflecting itself in the body above and in the chains that held it in place.

Allen still came closer, trying to see the prisoner's face, but ready to back away should he or she be feigning unconscious or showed any sign of violence.

"Hello?" There was no answer.

It was a girl. Her head resting forward, almost the position of someone who had just fallen asleep. Trying to see better the face hidden by some strands of hair, Allen leaned a little, wondering if she…

He stiffened so fast that it was almost possible to hear his back's bones crackling at the same time his heart jumped and went out of rhythm.

Upon her forehead there were black marks.

That girl… _Was a Noah?_

That didn't make any sense.

 _Any whatsoever._

For what Allen knew, there were only thirteen Noah and the strange "Fourteenth" (who had gained such a title exactly because of this numerical position) that had betrayed them years ago. It was true that Allen didn't know all of them or even if they had all "woken up" already, but to find one in this state seemed far too illogical: It didn't look like something the Millennium Earl would do to someone of his own clan.

His mind blocked any thought of wondering if he would do that to the Fourteenth.

Instead, the boy reflected on what he should do as his eyes ran over the girl, involved by chains and looking like a rejected toy…

Even if Allen knew better than to judge by appearances, right now this girl seemed harmless (a sneer trembled inside him. Oh, yes, she seemed as harmless as Road had been the first time he had seen her as she asked for tickets to the play or Tyki when they had played poker, before Allen knew what they were).

Maybe it had been a trick of the weak light and his tired mind… He couldn't even be _sure_ that her skin was the typical grey of the Noah…

Warily, not even touching her skin, he slowly pulled away some of the threads that covered her face.

Black stigmas laid there as scars.

Why there was a Noah here? And _chained_?

" _But what now?"_ Circling her, trying to consider the situation despite of how tired his mind felt to even think, he evaluated which would be the best course of action and the possible consequences.

The girl's hair slithered down almost to her waist in uneven ends, as if someone had tried to cut it with a shard of glass. Her naked feet were a little more than thirty centimeters above the ground.

Well, the options were, in the end, only two: Go out and pretend he hadn't seen anything or release her.

Allen felt his mouth dry. In another occasion, maybe he would have told the Order and he was aware of it. And he couldn't avoid the claws that grasped his heart with this notion.

To _ignore_ the chained _girl_ seemed, at the _least_ , wrong and even cruel…. However, to release a _Noah,_ one that he had never seen before and whose reaction and personality he couldn't imagine, wasn't a very attractive or sensible idea either. At least Allen knew Jasdevi would probably try to attack anyway. And regarding Road or Tyki, he would have been able to at least _attempt_ a conversation and avoid a fight, which right now, he had no strength to engage in.

Even so, until some time ago, that Ark had belonged to the Earl… Could it really be that _he_ was the one who had done this?

" _Anyway, she must be locked up for a_ good _reason"_ Two chains wrapped her arms, snakes that ended involving her shoulders, their other extremities stuck to the opposite walls. It was the same with the two chains that held her waist.

Maybe one day they had been silver, but now the metal (if that was what it was) had faded to become almost black. What Allen at first had thought to be the light reflecting in the links, at closer inspection, looked actually to be something that flowed _inside of them._ An effect of the shadows (no doubt) created the impression that whatever it was, was also flowing to inside her body not unlike a medical serum.

" _If the Order finds her, they will kill her on the spot. Without hesitation"_

He stood in front of her again.

" _I'll regret that"_ It was the last time he used the Ark, he had already decided that. To leave that girl there meant literarily to abandon her to rot. He lifted his left hand. To regret helping someone was better than to regret not doing so.

He struck one of the chains with his claws, expecting to meet metallic resistance, however it was like touching silk. The links shattered as though they had no real substance. The Noah's arm hanged dead at her side and the remains of the chain that still were around her flesh slipped and fell with a crystalline noise. The shoulder piece fell as well, making the same sound.

Allen repeated the process. Once freed, the body hit the floor, hair spreading over it in a pool of dark ink, light shining among some strands.

She didn't even move.

" _Could it be that she is dead?"_ Allen slid his fingers to her neck, a bit unsure… No, there was a pulse. Weak, but it was there.

He couldn't afford to lose more time.

He hesitated with the idea, but ended up arranging the girl on his back and carried her out the room. Closing his eyes, Allen sighed and concentrated the power of the Ark.

" _The power of the Fourteenth."_

" _Oh, shut up!"_

The doors around came alive with their own glow and, deep in his gut, Allen chose the destinations they should connect with, concentrating himself in areas that still had no portals created by the Order, not wanting to take any risk.

Regarding his "destination"…

Any place would be good enough, right?

 **XxX**

Lenalee heard people speaking to her, but she wasn't really listening… And the little her mind processed held no meaning, as if she was under water…

" _I love the Order and all the people here… I'll always be an Exorcist…"_

Those had been the last words Allen had said… They echoed inside her skull, throbbing in a headache-like way and repeating themselves in a never ending cycle that her mind was unable to stop with other thoughts.

She had remained there, knees in the cold grass even after the Ark's Portal had closed, tears running down her face, flesh shivering as if her body wanted to rip open the skin that involved it.

" _I love the Order and all the people here… I'll always be an Exorcist…"_

She had watched as he entered the great white portal, whose light created a halo around him and grey shadows on his white hair.

Then, the portal had closed.

The light was gone.

After a while (the exact time, she did not know), she had stood, body moving in an automatic way and had taken the path back to the head quarters, being found by one of the Crow groups that had left to chase Allen and they had accompanied her.

Had they tried to talk to her? Maybe.

Lenalee didn't know.

Nor did she care.

Everything around had turned into ice and Lenalee didn't want to move or do anything that could break it _even more._

" _I love the Order and all the people here… I'll always be an Exorcist…"_

Now, Levelier was trying to talk to her in the Science Department's room as her mind played again and again the last moments, as if by doing this she could discover some information, realize some detail that she had let slip by.

Something that helped her wake from that nightmare, perhaps…

"Lenalee!" Levelier called her attention with vehemence. Her body, obeying only to instinctive commands and reactions, only turned her face to him, but Lenalee wasn't there.

"The Crows informed that, when they found you, you were crying" There was a moment of silence. The attention of the people there were fixated either on the girl or on the Inspector.

"You found Allen Walker, did you not?" Levelier inquired, without moving. He remained in front of her, looking taller and only his eyes turned down, in her direction.

Lenalee didn't answer right away.

" _I'll always be an Exorcist…"_

" _Please, Allen, you have to come back"_ She had told him.

"I did…" There was no sense in lying and she knew it. Levelier nodded, something in his eyes alike satisfaction in finally be receiving answers. Upon returning, Lenalee had gone straight to the Science Department. Everyone was very quiet, no one wanted to talk and all they could do was think about what had just happened, as if they couldn't _comprehend what_ it had been. Never had she missed so much the old building of the Head Quarters, especially when she noticed some people whispering to each other.

She could well imagine the nature of those whispers.

Now, Levelier had come in, commenting that he had been looking for her and wanting to know details of what had transpired and ignoring Komui's protests, who had positioned himself behind the couch where his sister was sitting, hand firm upon her shoulder.

Regarding him, Levelier shouldn't even be talking to Lenalee.

"He went…"

The girl knew, not consciously, but in her nerves, what Levelier meant. Just like she knew what those people had been whispering about.

"He didn't go with the Noah…" Lenalee muttered, before the man could say one more word, eyes glued in some point of the floor. Under her flesh, tremors still ran hidden, memories of fear engraved in veins, reacting to Levelier's presence and also to the things that had happened in the last days which had culminated in this.

Allen leaving the Order.

"Everyone saw Walker leaving with that golem of his. He was accompanied by two Noah" The other said, never changing his tone.

"Inspector, I must insist…" Komui started, receiving a cold glare, but strangely empty.

"And some Crows confirmed to have seen one of them as they searched"

Komui showed no reactions, but internally had the sensation that there was something strange with Levelier… The Inspector never had been one of revealing much of himself, usually keeping an efficient and cold exterior, however there were some occasions when it was possible to notice some flame in his eyes… Tonight, there was nothing.

In a corner, Johnny watched the exchange of words along with Reever and other members of Science Department that had stayed together. Both felt words shivering in their throats, but even they couldn't decipher what they really wanted to say.

" _How?"_ It was the only thing Johnny could think. " _How did everything come to this?"_

" _I'm sorry_ to say, Inspector, but after all that occurred just some weeks ago with the Third and…" Komui avoided mentioning Kanda and Alma, it was not necessary. "I would say the Noah made clear enough that they _want_ Allen, therefore…"

" _And we left him incarcerated and alone…"_ He reflected. " _If he is with the Noah now, it was not by choice…"_

And if Allen was with them…

Komui didn't want to think about it…

Lavi was also missing and there was the chance that…

"And, even so, it doesn't look like Walker showed much resistance. One of the Noah was seen riding Timcampy. And the golem was carrying Allen and another Noah in its mouth" Levelier told in a suave voice.

"He didn't go with the Noah" Lenalee repeated, fighting the impulse of closing her eyes and, not for the first time, she wished it all to be a nightmare.

And it was.

Only that it was a _real_ nightmare.

The Inspector's eyes weighted over her. As always, they made her shiver the same way an abused dog will when seeing a known whip in the hands of its owner. Every time he stared at her that way, for some seconds, she was once more that child tied down to a bed.

"Howard Link is dead."

The reaction to those words was instantaneous.

"Dead?"

"One minute!"

"Sir, do you think…?"

"You _can't_ really think that…"

"Allen _would never_ do such a thing!"

"Didn't people see the Noah with him? Of course they…"

"But…"

" _Silence"_ Levelier growled. "We have already confirmed that Allen Walker is the Fourteenth. We take no risks. From today on, he is a Noah and must be treated accordingly."

" _He didn't go with the Noah"_ The young girl sibilated. "He went away alone. The Noah were not with him…"

Levelier tilted his head to the side, lifting the eyebrows.

"Curious… So, if he had no intention of joining them, why would he even leave?"

"I don't know."

"If he had no intention of joining them, why do we have witnesses that saw Walker's golem carrying one of them as well?"

"I don't know"

"If he had no intention of joining them, why did it seem that he offered no resistance?"

"I don't know."

"Lenalee, I must insist that…"

" _Enough"_

The silence that followed was the one that follows an unexpected bullet.

Few of the people present had ever heard Komui Lee speaking in such way and the whip of his voice made some of them, caught by surprise, recoil a bit. Behind glasses, his dark eyes were cutting Levelier, severity marking each trace of his face.

"This night is being too long as it is." He carried on, inflexible, eyes of steel. "And with the news of Link's death, we are all very shocked. So that if you want to interrogate my sister, _I_ must insist that you wait until after she has rested and willing to answer your questions."

For some seconds, Levelier didn't answer. Both men stared at each other, none giving signs of intentions of backing down.

Lenalee held her breath without noticing it. Komui still held her shoulder, the touch firm but gentle and in that moment, she thanked him for being there.

But her brother was right… Link… Dead?

Not even for one second she took in consideration that Allen could have done this…

No.

What had truly happened, she didn't know… However Allen was not the responsible, _he wasn't_.

" _Allen… I wish so much that you were here… Why didn't you come back with me?"_

"Very well" Levelier acquiesced, putting his hands behind his back in an official-like pose. " _We'll_ schedule a _reunion_ regarding the subject. Good night."

Only when he had left the room, Komui and some others breathed in relief.

Lenalee only stared to a window, her blood cold with fear. Fear of what the morning would bring. Fear of the future. Fear of what would come to pass next time she met Allen.

That if she ever came to see him again.

" _Allen… Where are you?"_

Outside, the night breeze ran among the tree's, making the leaves wave.

How could everything outside look this calm while inside here everything felt so much like chaos, despite the apparent calmness?

Inside her, in the Order, in her "world"… Nothing more was complete. There was no firm place to stand.

" _Where is my_ world _now?"_

 **XxX**

An European forest, near a small city, had seemed a good option for Allen.

Now, wandering among trees, the boy didn't regret it completely… The place wasn't much different from the forest nearby the Order's Head Quarters; however it offered at the same time a strange comfort and an equally displeasing sensation.

Maybe for being so alike, but not the _same?_

The moon shined full in the sky, its light dripping in the forest and showing the way among fallen leaves. A night breeze caressed Allen's face, carrying the wild scent and, excluding the call of an owl or the shiver of the leaves, there was no sound. There were instances when he could almost hear the very touch of the moonlight against what it touched.

Slowly, Allen laid the young Noah's body between the roots of a tree. If they walked towards west for a while, soon they would arrive in a city and with luck, he could get some money to pay for a small room for the night… If not, he would content himself with sleeping on the street.

But before anything else, it was best to at least attempt to wake the girl.

He crouched before her and now, under the moon and without hurry, he could see her, _truly_ see her for the first time. He had thought before that she didn't seem to be in her best shape and now there were no doubts that she had seen better days…

There, lying between old and twisted roots, she looked more than never like something that had been forgotten by a child in the way to the adulthood… The black stigmas could be taken not as marks, but cracks on her skin.

Allen took a deep breath, before he held her shoulder and shook it gently.

"Hey?" He muttered, awkwardly, voice a bit hoarse. "Hm… Hello? Wake up…"

He was already taking in account the possibility of the girl being in some sort of comatose when an instinctive grunt was born from her throat. Her eyelids shivered a little and slowly rose… She blinked to Allen, eyes covered by a milky veil. Almost as someone starting to realize that they had been victims of a very cruel trick.

So slowly that it was almost impossible to see until it had happened, that mist dissipated to inside of her eyes, that became less animal-like and the Noah seemed to try to move. Her body, unused to movements, only trembled clumsily as though she had forgotten how to control it.

But Allen thought she might be trying to get away.

"Easy… I'm not going to hurt you…" Considering the fights he had had with the members of her Clan, this sounded kinda of silly, but the girl seemed strange and though the muscles of her face were still as those of a corpse, Allen thought there was confusion in her eyes.

She opened and closed her mouth some times and the boy was about to believe she was unable to speak when, finally, the vocal cords remembered how to produce sound and her voice worked (husky and low, denouncing it had been quite a time since she spoke).

"Who… Are you?"

"Allen Walker" He hesitated, wondering if she would attack, but the Noah only blinked a couple of times.

There was a moment of silence.

"Who… Who am... I?"

 **XxX**

In the moment the young Noah's conscience surfaced from a sea of unconsciousness so deep that it was almost from the realm of lost souls, an old sensation ran through his very blood… He had been reflecting about the next steps, after learning from Tyki how the assault to the Order had ended and had been worrying about Road, hoping that she would be able to recover without major complications when that wave came, wrapping each and every one of his nerves, agitating his blood until it reached the depths of his old soul.

He _knew_ what that meant, but even so he couldn't believe it.

That sensation… What it carried... It couldn't be.

In the other room, Tyki had been repeating what had happened to the others. Up to some seconds ago, Sheryl had been screaming in blind fury about the disappearance of Road and wanting to know what had been the nature of the Fourteenth's relationship with his "daughter"…

Now, there was only silence.

The others had felt it as well.

That sensation came from their essence, waking a dark river in which there were mixed feelings that ranged from deep pain to happiness. The memories of Noah were restless in them and reacting…

They had felt another Noah.

But the Earl knew that _this one_ had no reason to be alive.

He sat down, without knowing what to do for a moment (something that wasn't frequent)… First the Fourteenth waking inside Allen Walker, now _her…_

It was different, even so. It wasn't her Noah genes waking again in another host, it was not another incarnation; he had felt how it was _her…_

The same from thirty five years ago.

"Lero" He called as he stood. The umbrella golem came near his master, who was picking up his usual yellow coat. "Gather the others… I have matters to discuss with them."

"Lero… And the Exorcists, Earl-sama?"

He almost smiled upon remembering the prisoners.

"Tell them to leave some akumas Level Four watching. It doesn't make much of a difference, not with Fidora's worms still inside one of them" He didn't believe that damn old man would take such risks or try escaping by himself, he wasn't that stupid. And the redheaded brat was more dead than alive… None of them were in condition to even _attempt_ to run away.

Not that they would be able to, given their location anyway.

And right now, he and his family had more important affairs.

Apocryphos had appeared, attacking Walker. He had been able to feel the danger, reason why he had sent Road and Tyki. Instead of bringing the boy, even if by force, Road had been hurt and Walker had escaped… It wasn't the _ideal_ result, but it wasn't a defeat either: Tyki had been hurt, but was fine and would recover soon. Road had received a direct hit, however she had only recoiled to her dream dimension, where she could heal better and at least Walker hadn't been absorbed by that bastard.

Could it be that there was some connection between the recent events and her "return"? There was no way of knowing this for sure now, but when it came down to Allen Walker, all possibilities should be taken in account.

Allen Walker…

The Millennium Earl had to admit he felt some… _Admiration_ for the boy, though he had turned out to be a bother ever since he had enlisted to the Order and their paths had started to cross more frequently. However, Walker was only fifteen and had showed more nerve than what one might have expected from someone of such age, recovering even when he was supposed to be _dead_ and back to the battlefield, still with that flame of determination.

And now, there was the fact he was Nea's host.

During the battle of Alma Karma and Yuu Kanda, the Earl had been very close of "retrieving" Walker to his side. And he had been right in one point: The boy couldn't stay in the Order anymore. From what Tyki had told them, he had been found in a dungeon and his golem restrained.

Nothing in this scenario had surprised him.

The Earl had already heard some Exorcists commenting about how the Order was their " _family"._ Pretty lies they told themselves, drowning in those addictive poisons that covered the truth as flowers can hide a corpse rotting among their roots. And those who truly believed such a thing from the bottom of their hearts were deluded fools.

Allen was a proof himself: He had been an Exorcist, had helped them to destroy his fabric (and the memory was still cause to a great ire, if he wasn't Nea's host, his motivations to capture him alive would be quite different), but that whole past made of loyalty and servitude had been reduced to trash in the moment the Order had found out Walker was a Noah's host. Instead of considering that he could be suffering some sort of kidnapping (although it was in reality a _rescue),_ apparently they had had no hesitation in classifying him as an enemy, even before they tried to understand what had been truly happening.

 _Pathetic._

" _I told him he couldn't stay there anymore"_ The Earl reflected as he exited his room and walked through a hallway in the Black Ark. " _I wonder if now he understands it"_

As soon as he entered the room, the other Noah turned to him. Some were standing such as Toraido and Sheryl, while others like Fidora and Tyki were seated. However, the agitation of all of them echoed in the air, their bodies unable to contain it.

" _Did you feel it as well, Road? Did you notice?"_

"What does that mean, Earl?" Devit rose from where he was, uncapable of remaining still for longer, turning his gun in his fingers, dragging one foot against the floor.

"The presence we felt now… It wasn't the Fourteenth" Toraido affirmed with a controlled voice, thought his golden eyes had that gleam that one could never be sure if it meant something good or bad.

"It can't be the Noah of Wrath, it wasn't the same…"

"You felt it as well, didn't you, sir?"

"C'mon, c'mon everyone, calm down, please" He raised one hand and the others quieted down, Devit still biting his lower lip to stop himself from talking.

Noah, by nature, were able to sense each other's existence and even their locations (until a certain distance range). However, every time one of the genes were waking in a new host, the sensation was the most powerful so they were able to find the new member of the family in time. And, like with Skin Bolic, they felt when one of them died.

In this case, since _she_ hadn't been dead after all, the sensation had been different in this regard. And due to the damage their memories had suffered thirty five years ago, they not only didn't remember what had happened or Nea, they also didn't remember _her_ (or any of the previous incarnations, but that was how it was anyway)… Except he and Road… And probably Wisely, who hadn't manifested himself about it yet and only studied the others, hiding any feeling.

"The presence you all felt now… I admit I'm also surprised, actually. Me and Road, we both thought she was dead… Well, well, the surprises never stop, isn't it so?"

He looked to his family. One more generation of Noah after so many, and all of them had been at his side for so many years… Each unique, each different and each of them had been his family.

"I don't know _how_ or _why_ she is alive, but she _is…"_ He decided to carry on before someone questioned again. The time to remember the past could be postponed.

Her presence had burned and weakened as the light of a lamp that shines too bright before going out. And since this was not a awakening, it hadn't lasted long enough to give them her _exact_ location. Now it could take some time until they found her.

" _You'll search for us as well, won't you?"_ He wondered, however it was obvious that she would and the idea of seeing her again made him smile. He only lamented that Road wasn't here at the moment.

"So, it's two we have to search for now" Fidora muttered, opening a smile to the idea. "Well, this will be _fun!"_

The Earl smiled. He hadn't expected any other reaction. If there was a member of their family out there somewhere, the most natural thing to do was to bring them back.

After all, they belonged together.

Always.

"Hey, Earl, can we go bring her? Can we?" Jasdero was already at his brother's side, excitation dancing in his eyes. Once again, the Earl was not surprised, not were the other Noah. Devit and Jasdero were not known for their ability to stay without having what to do for long and the perspective of a mission was always interesting to them, especially if it meant something they considered amusing or fun.

"We can find her faster than the others!" Devit said in a tone that was half insisting and half challenging the others.

"This is not a game, nor is it a race" Toraido commented dryly, casting his serious gaze upon to the twins. Devit waved his hand, dismissing the other's words.

"Sadly, we don't know _precisely_ what kind of situation this is, so it will be better to make a field recognition per say". He wanted to believe this was not needed, but he also knew better. The Noah patriarch turned to the silent Noah, who had until now remained in her favorite shape, of a black panther. "Lulubell, try to find her, but just that… First, let's find details about what kind of condition we're dealing with."

Jasdero and Devit grumbled, not at all pleased.

"But what _for_? We go find the girl, bring her back right away! Hee!"

"If we know she is awake, wherever she is, we'll find her for sure!"

Tyki, still seated, chuckled to himself before asking in the voice of someone wondering about the weather.

"Like when you found and exterminated Cross?"

"Shut up, Tyki!" They screamed together. The subject of the redheaded general who had fooled them was still an open wound in their prides.

Ignoring the three of them, Lulubell lowered her black head to the Earl and went out, moving as a living shadow, tail waving gently. Meanwhile, Devit and Jasdero still complained about Cross, pointing out how Tyki also hadn't been able to kill Allen Walker, even after he had planted a Tease in his heart.

The mention of the boy made the Earl's thoughts go back to if it was possible that Apocryphos' appearance and Walker's state as host and his escape were related to the girl's resurgence… Could it be that… No, no, it wouldn't do to make conjectures, they needed _factual information._

In one thing Devit was right, though: Wherever she was, she would be found.

Maybe, once they knew where she was, he would go fetch her personally…

As well as Allen Walker…

"And even so, why Lulubell? We could do that without a problem!" Devit's words only made Sheryl and Tyki exchange looks, Tyki hiding a smile. The idea of the twins in a mission that involved _subtlety_ was, in his mind, the perfect translation to an absolute disaster.

"Now, now, no fighting. She disappeared years ago… Before doing anything, I'd rather know the details…" The Earl ran his sharp eyes over the others. "But make no mistakes. We _will_ bring her back in one way or another… And since you mentioned him…"

His eyes narrowed dangerously.

"This applies to Allen Walker _as well"_

* * *

 **Finally! I've planning this story since last year! This is my first fic of _D. Gray Man_ and I'm really excited about it! Now, while this is NOT an Allen/OC story, there will be pairings (I just won't be telling which ones).**

 **Now, English is not my first language, so if there is any error, please tell me! And tell me what you guys think too, please!  
**

 **By the way, this whole story sets place right after when Allen leaves the Order, so there are some later chapters of the manga which _will be ignored and not be part of this story._ **

**And as always... I own nothing, this is just for entertainment.**


	2. Act Two – Mazes of the Mind

" _The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss – an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc – is sure to be noticed_ " – Soren Kierkegaard.

 **Act Two – Mazes of the Mind**

For some seconds, nor Allen nor the girl said anything, limiting themselves to gaze at one another as the moonlight dripped over them and the shadows around acted as covers of living silk, with unknown intentions.

The eyes of the Noah studied him, delaying briefly in his left arm, her face empty as if the time she had spent sleeping had stolen the capacity of expressions.

" _Did she really just ask who she is?"_ Allen observed her as well, barely believing what he had heard. Could that be even _possible?_ Did this Noah remember nothing? And what was _he_ supposed to say? That he wasn't her enemy? Technically, being an Exorcist, that was what he _was…_

But…

" _You're no longer an Exorcist…"_ A cruel voice, like the one belonging to a small creature, whispered deep inside his mind, coming from that point where the sensation of being completely distant of any known reality or people he loved was still far too strong to resist. The boy ignored those words… Not being in the Order didn't mean his heart had changed, it didn't, it didn't…

" _From now on, Allen Walker shall be considered a Noah"_

Each shard of his being suffered the echo of the memory, but he didn't want to dwell in those thoughts…

Not yet…

Not now…

As the boy didn't concede her an answer, the girl lowered her eyes to herself as if wanting to confirm her _physical_ existence. Two or three threads of dark hair still fell on her face, the rest flowed down her shoulders and back in a ink-like way. She made no gesture to arrange it.

Her face could be still, but even so Allen thought there was something on her eyes… It was the same as looking into a deep well, needing to pay attention to take notice of its waters and the waves that indicated that there _was_ something swimming there.

"I… Don't know who you are" He confessed, having the impression of seeing one of those waves on her eyes and a muscle shiver on her forehead. Perhaps she was trying to frown. Perhaps it was just an illusion of light and shadows. The certainty dissipated in the night before having the chance of existing completely.

The girl lifted an arm with slow suavity, flexing fingers and experimenting the sensation of movement, affirming that this body was _hers_ and she touched her wrist, running a finger along the inside of it. For a second, Allen wondered what was going on with her until a question clarified it.

"I am… Grey?" Her voice was low and deep, a hoarse tone that even now, was serene and almost _absent_ … Allen supposed it _should_ be due to the time without use as it was almost scratchy as if it didn't come from her throat, but from some more hidden point… A drowned voice.

She really had no idea of who she was. Nor of _what_ she was.

"Hm… Well… Yes, you… You're a Noah" The answer was more automatic than anything else, even if he was well aware that this didn't do any good as an explanation, but the occasion was so unusual and the girl was so strange that the words had come out of his mouth before Allen could control himself.

The boy bit his lower lip slowly, thinking with wariness about the options and what he should do now. He had taken the girl out of the Ark because it didn't feel right to leave her there to death or forgetfulness… She would be locked in that room until she rotted or would be exterminated, should the Order ever find her…

And now, things had turned even more complicated than he thought.

" _A Noah who doesn't know who she is… What is going on?"._

Tilting her head to the side in a barely perceptible way, the girl turned her eyes to him and, this time, Allen _saw_ confusion on them… But even still, they remained somehow lost and serene.

It created a shiver on his nerves.

"Eh… Let's start with simple things, right? Can you remember your name, for example?" He tried. He had no experience with amnesia cases, but her name sounded like a good starting point as any other.

For some seconds, the Noah seemed to consider the question and the lightest of frown _actually_ formed between her eyebrows. It was the most of "expression" Allen had seen on her until now.

"I… I think…"

She hesitated, searching insider herself for something to guide her, that detached itself…

Then there was something… Almost a shadow of a word floating aimlessly.

"I think it is… Raz" The girl stayed in silence, tasting the word before repeating it. "Yes… Yes, that's it, my name is Raz…"

"Nice to meet you, Raz. I'm Allen Walker" He managed to smile more due to instinct, thought deep inside the doubt of _how_ he would explain the situation (and if it would sensate to tell the whole truth) remained. To lie didn't sound right, however he didn't know how she would react or what she would do… What if she attacked?

His left arm was still heavy from Apocryphos's attack and it hadn't been long enough for him to feel comfortable in activating his Innocence now… His nerves retracted with the memory of those feathers appearing, making his heart miss the rhythm.

He was tired and just wanted to go to the city nearby and get himself a place to sleep. To lie down and sleep, just that, just that…

"Just Allen is enough, okay?"

Raz nodded slowly, still watching the boy's movements, who moved in discomfort.

"So… Huh... Try thinking about something else. Can you remember anything? The… Last place you've been or someone you spoke to?" It could be of some help if the girl could remember _how_ she had ended up in that room, however she shook her head, never taking her eyes off him.

"Just my name…" More hesitation, during which she observed her grey hands resting on her legs as masses of dead meat. "You said I'm… _Noah…_ What is that?"

Allen knew better than just place his trust on anyone (even more a Noah), even if she seemed so harmless… But taking in account the state he had found Raz in…

He couldn't tell her all the truth, but he also couldn't just _lie…_

Right now, she wasn't a Noah. She was just a lost girl whose own name was the only thing she knew.

"It's a bit hard to explain… But putting it simply, they… They are a kind of person with some abilities…" Those weren't the best words by far. He had never thought it could be hard to describe the Noah. However, without the context of that war, Allen realized that terms and definitions escaped him, slipping away and abandoning their elusive meanings. It was like describing a piece of the ground when all the rest had fallen in darkness, leaving only that point floating in the nothing…

Somehow, that was what had happened… Everything had broken, leaving behind only ruins, too shattered for a person to even have an idea of what world they had formed someday.

"The members of the Clan have grey skin… And some marks on their forehead, you have too…" He only hoped she would accept the vague and basic terms for now, it would be far too complicated to tell about Innocences and the Millennium Earl…

Raz's eyes remained on him.

"Are you telling me the truth?" Among the emptiness of her existence, her mind was starting to work, learning again how to form thoughts. Suddenly, in a way that was more feeling than thinking, she considered her own question rather silly. After all, if this boy wanted to lie, how would _she_ be able to know? She didn't ask if he was a "Noah" too, by the way he spoke, it was possible to deduce he wasn't.

Nothing here felt familiar. At all.

"I am" Allen answered as he stood, knowing that Raz didn't trust him. He didn't blame her. "Look, this forest is close to a city… We can go there, what do you think?"

If he had some luck, with some card games, he could earn money enough to pay at least an overnight stay in some cheap inn… If he won several games, there was a chance to pay even for something to eat, although he wasn't hungry… The thought brought another: He had no idea for how long Raz had been in that room, but now he wondered how she hadn't starved.

Raz stayed quiet for some seconds, studying his physiognomy and the hand he offered.

Apparently deciding there was no other choice, she accepted. Her hand felt weak on his.

So were her legs, for she felt as if her bones were too thin to support her weight. The girl ignored the sensation… She hadn't a real _choice_ between following the white-haired boy or not… Either she did that or she could stay wandering in that forest with nothing besides her own name…

Coldness was creeping inside her, mixing with that sensation caused by the weakness of movements: That she didn't truly belong in her own body.

"What do you intend to do with me?" She didn't know if he _intended_ to do anything and there were several questions she wanted to make, but they were still in the shape of sensations and it was hard to find the right words for them… Allen watched her lean her hand against a tree to help herself up, a bit surprised with the question.

"I… I don't have any plan…" He hoped his voice didn't sound as heavy as it felt. He had no real _planning. "_ Well, just going to town and try to get some money"

After this, there was nothing.

Nothing…

Raz watched the strange boy, unsure she had understood the meaning of his words… The white hair that fell over his shoulders, the eyes of such a light grey that they were almost silver and the strange scar crossing a whole side of his face… The left arm, flesh as dark as solidified blood…

She whispered.

"Who are you _really?"_

Allen didn't answer right away… And his gaze turned to a point in the ground ahead, passing through grass and fallen leaves, as if searching for the answer in shadows and moonlight.

"I…"

More silence. Raz thought he wouldn't answer.

"I'm just a wanderer…" He whispered with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

The situation was awkward enough to both of them and the girl decided to save her questions for later. She didn't trust him in the least and couldn't know if what he had just said was true… It was the lack of a better choice that made her accompany him.

A shiver ran through her skin.

" _Who am_ I _really?"_

"Hey, Raz?" Though the girl tried to walk behind him, Allen stayed at her side and, having heard how people waking from comas may need time to regain control of their muscles, he paid attention to see if Raz gave signs of such issues. Excepting moments when her legs trembled and she leaned her hand on a tree to firm herself, he couldn't notice any evident problems, even if it was clear she hadn't regained her strength.

" _Maybe because she is a Noah…"_ After all, there was no denying they were different, more resistant than other humans. Maybe the effects of coma (if that's was what it had been) weren't the same to them…

The image of that shining circle and the strange chains pierced his mind from inside out.

Allen expelled those thoughts, it was not the time.

"Do you think you could change your appearance?"

The golden eyes slithered to him, still lacking emotion just like her voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Noah can change a bit… I mean, to look more like… Other people" He had almost said "normal people", but feared this would sound offensive.

"And what…" Then Raz understood. Or better, some instinctive part of her did. The boy's appearance could already get some attention, with that scar, hair and arm. Her grey skin _definitely w_ ould… The girl had no idea of Allen's reasons to avoid this, however, once she realized she shared the feeling, that didn't matter.

"I… I'm not sure…" Not only she didn't know if she _could_ as she had not the slightest idea of _how_ such process would work. Assuming this was true and not some weird lie.

Allen had nothing to say. When Kanda had hurt him with Mugen and the memories (or genes, whatever the best term was) of Neah inside him had became agitated and caused a transformation, he had no idea of what was happening and had just fought to not let himself be taken over, his eye reacting to Alma's soul, that was all…

With Raz was different, she _already_ was a Noah…

" _If I become possessed by the Fourteenth… What will happen_ to me?" Would his conscience be erased forever? Would he be caged in his own body, which would no longer be his, forced to watch as his friends were killed? What about his soul? And…

" _Don't think about it now"_

"I also don't know…" Every corner of his mouth felt bitter, thoughts creating a real taste of poison that was born in the depth of his throat. "Try to concentrate" He risked. "It shouldn't be too hard"

The girl sighed. Just that? To concentrate? It wasn't a great help.

" _But it's not like there is another idea, right?"_ And what would be the harm in trying? Raz tried to think about herself and tell her body to change (and feeling quite stupid while doing so) and considered closing her eyes to help… And soon gave up on the idea, this would _ruin_ any sort of concentration she achieved.

And, she was a bit ashamed of it, there were seeds of fear growing bit by bit on her nerves… When people close their eyes, it's a common gesture. Their thoughts remain active, their memories are a strong ground… When Raz did so, she was assaulted by a sensation of falling inside herself… In an endless, dark emptiness.

" _No, concentrate…"_

Allen just watched.

For some long moments, nothing happened.

Then, slowly, it was as if the moonlight entered under her skin and spread, lightening the grey. The golden of her eyes melted and retracted to the depths of the iris, revealing a bluish color… Only her hair remained untouched, the contrast with the morbid paleness making it darker than anything else.

"That's it! You did it!" Allen exclaimed when the change was complete, the black stigmas fading away, hiding under her skin. But if before she had a somewhat sick appearance, now it had intensified… Raz had the paleness of a forgotten corpse.

The young woman stared at her own hands, held a strand of her hair and examined it, unsure of what to say or even act.

"And… What are we going to do in the town?"

 **XxX**

" _I saw, he was with the Noah"_

" _Are you sure?"_

" _I knew we should have executed that Noah in the moment we found out what he was!"_

" _Allen brought the Ark to us and he helped a lot when that akuma of level four invaded the old head quarters."_

" _But a lot of people died. Who knows if that wasn't the plan since the beginning?"_

" _There were two Noah with that traitor"_

The points of pain on the palms of his hands caused by fingernails pressed against flesh helped Reever to hold himself, unable to not listen to the comments and whispers in the hallways. All members of the Order were still shaken by the sudden events and the details had spread as hellish flames.

And now, naturally, people didn't speak about other thing but the _appearing_ of the Noah and the _disappearance_ of Allen Walker… Even in the Science Department's room, the silence of before had died to given place to whispered conversations.

One of the motives why, moments ago, Lenalee had gone to her room not wanting to talk with anyone. Komui had gone after his sister, not wanting to leave her by herself, especially in the case of someone trying to bother her with questions, since everyone knew she had been the last one to see Allen…

They hadn't been the only ones to leave the room. No one was really working and those who tried to, couldn't concentrate.

Now, listening to comments floating around along with whispers, Reever walked through the hallways with head held high, fists closed until his nails made reddish half-moon shaped against on his palms… There was a minimum (and strange) pleasure in the pain, though not enough to distract him from reality… Even this feeling was bitter. Sick. He knew this and even so, didn't even attempt to stop it.

Maybe he too should go to his room, or to the library… Anywhere where he could find at least some damn _silence_.

He noticed a figure of white coat and dark hair ahead.

"Supervisor Komui?" He called, approaching the man and passing by a group that carried some papers and talked in low voices. Reever didn't need to try to pay attention to guess the subject… The words " _dead", "Link"_ and " _Allen"_ were quite clear.

His nerves snapped, each of them dominated by the wish of turning to those people and..

And…

But what could he _really_ do?

"Reever" Komui greeted with a nod that seemed more that his head was leaning forward due to lack of strength, strings of flesh that held his neck in place along with the bone finally giving in. Reever thought that the last time he had seen Komui with a vaguely similar appearance had been during the Four Level Akuma attack after Allen and the others had come back from Edo.

The man was still straight-back and a serious face, however Reever had been working with him for many years to be fooled. In that point, Lenalee and Komui were clearly siblings. Those who knew them could have glimpses of their hearts by looking in their eyes.

Besides, the man's shoulders were lowered. A shiver, nervous tick-like, was fixated in his left wrist.

"Weren't you with Lenalee?"

Komui nodded in the same way, a doll with a broken neck as he resumed his walk.

"How… How is she?" Moronic question. How did he _think_ she would be?

"She…" Komui became silent for some seconds… Lenalee was very quiet when he had left her, not wanting to talk about anything at all, or even _speak,_ but not wanting to sleep either, despite being clearly tired. Knowing his sister as he did, Komui knew that the shock had wrapped her as a blanket, blocking the other thoughts and a part of her would rather remain like this… At least for some hours, if this meant a time (however small) of peace… Or the closest to it she could ever get.

He understood this wish, even if he didn't consider it _healthy_.

"She isn't fine. Still in shock… I think we're all a bit… I thought about giving her some hot chocolate…" Komui added, a bit too fast, words slipping before he could regain control.

He could remember when they were younger… Before Lenalee had been taken away… Sometimes, he would give her a hot drink during the night and when he had joined the Order and finally got to see his baby sister again, there were times when Lenalee would wake up due to nightmares of fights and blood and akumas and he had resumed his habit. And in those brief moments, it was as if they were back to their true home, free and oblivious to that war and the sufferings…

Brief of moments of peace.

But it was something when she was a child waking due to a bad dream (" _except it wasn't a bad dream, it was her reality"),_ but today? Was that the best he could do to his sister _today?_

Pathetic… And in the end, useless. So useless…

" _I can't do anything for her… I couldn't do anything for Allen…"_

He had wanted to protect the Exorcists in the middle of that system… And see how that had ended.

Useless.

"It's… It's a bit strange. Usually, she is the one who brings a drink to you…" Reever commented, insecure… Any action or words seemed so empty. The two men just exchanged looks, having nothing else to say and while Komui went down the stairs, Reever followed another hallway.

Of course Lenalee was in shock… And as if it wasn't enough what had just happened regarding Allen, Levelier had tried to question her.

" _Yeah, sensibility's points to you, Levelier, your bastard…"_ He reflected with bitterness. And he had even mentioned Link's death, as if Allen could be involved… Please, if the Noah had been present, wouldn't _they_ be the most likely suspects?

" _I wouldn't be surprised if they had used Link's life as a bargain to force Allen to go with them. And then, they killed him without him knowing."_

Around, the whispering continued.

Yes, it was a possibility… And there were others that justified what had happened, too. Regarding Allen leaving alone… They didn't know the _details,_ but considering the last weeks…

But it was due to the fact that Allen had the Fourteenth genes that many ignored the other scenarios in favor of that one in particular: That Allen Walker was a traitor.

" _Great_ family _we are…"_

 **XxX**

Talk flowed in the air in sporadic waves, mutterings and words crawling one over the other as slugs or clashing, stations of radio intertwined of which it was possible to capt just terms out of context or noises…

It wasn't exactly early, but there were still some people here and there in the inn, eating and talking or merely sitting in a corner, alone. It was a typical place, which major gain came from travelers passing by, who stayed just for some days before following their way.

As Allen and Raz.

Upon arriving in the city, the boy had immediately gone after bars. Even at late hours of the night, the majority of them was still open and had its clients. Allen would stop near a window and cast a studying gaze inside… Groups of men leaning forwards on a table, others sitting near the balcony with their arms on it and, sometimes, a man talking with a woman with sensual clothing who merely smiled to everything he said.

There were risks everywhere, sure, but he and the Noah girl would have less chances of attracting attention and of being bothered in establishments of medium clients, it would be safer… Two or three bars that they passed by wouldn't have worked: One seemed too fine (they wouldn't allow card games, let alone their entrance); and another, too low for Allen feel sure that there would be intervention if someone sought to take their frustrations out in a fight or got interested in a fun night with a girl, no mattering what she said.

It was also true that they _wouldn't need_ intervention in any of those scenarios, but they had no need of problems… The ideal was to join a game, get money, walk away.

Simple.

So, after watching the environment, the white-haired boy entered and, pretending to be just observing around, seemed to choose a random table ( _purposely_ close to a group that were holding cards)… Then started to look in the game's direction, without standing, and pretending to be merely watching just to, after some moments, ask if he could join (with the world's most innocent and child-like expression).

After getting a considerable quantity (which had taken quite some time), they had searched for an inn which overnight stay was cheap enough (Allen had been surprised to find one to be honest) and that would accept them… A finer hotel wouldn't just be impossible to afford with what Allen had gained as it wouldn't accept two shabby teenagers and none of them was in their best state: Allen's hair was messy, his almost-black arm showing (and that _had_ earned some looks in the bars), his feet and the end of his pants dirtied, clothes crumpled. Raz was in a similar state and looked sick.

Not that Allen thought he looked better in this department.

Now the both of them were sitting at a wooden table near a window, two dishes in front of them.

"So… Is this an Inn?" Raz asked, merely moving her food around with the fork, inspecting it and often her eyes ran briefly around. Allen could see she was quite curious about everything and wondered if her apparently serenity was due to shock and exhaustion or just the way she was. In a way or another, she gave the impression of being floating around somehow "Are we going to spend the night here?"

Allen nodded as he chewed. He hadn't been able to afford much and thought the meat and rice were warm, they didn't have much of seasoning. And this dull taste was exactly what his body seemed to want, for somehow the lack of taste was also a lack of reality.

He was not hungry.

He merely ate for knowing his body would need it… And in some point inside, even after hours, he still felt the shards of his mind floating away from his brain.

And this was fine just as well.

"Yeah… At least for now. Maybe in a couple of days… I don't know. I'll still try to get more money" He would _need_ more, at least enough to pay for the days they would still stay here and this would be until he could afford a train ticket.

Not that he had any idea of where to go.

"With those… Cards?" During the games, not wanting to muddle up and still too lost and confused, Raz had merely watched in silence, completely lost not just with the game, but everything around. As soon as they left the first bar, she had inquired about that for as though she had more or less caught up with the concept of _betting_ money, she hadn't understood those " _little cards with figures"._

"Yes, it's what there's to do" The boy answered, shrugging and also mentally remarking that they would need to buy some things to travel (he didn't go deep into that thought, not wanting to think much about anything)… While he watched, Raz just moved her food around a bit, which she hadn't taken even a bite yet.

While they wandered through the streets, there had been an awkward attempt of conversation. Raz had not made questions about him, how he had found her or about herself (for what he was grateful), probably opting to save them to later and first had tried to understand the world she had woken up to. Allen had taken notice that, strangely enough, there were some concepts and objects whose meaning she still seemed to _know_ somehow, but had no real _memory_ of.

And there were still many other things that she had no idea of what they were at all.

Allen hadn't asked if there were things that felt familiar to her. Realizing that the answer would be negative and not wanting to pressure the girl, he let her be. It was as if the few notions and knowledge that remained were printed in her brain, nothing else.

The Noah poked a small piece of meat with the fork, examining it and even sniffing it a bit before giving it a small bite, carefully… She had no memories about flavors of any sort.

Chewing slowly, she blinked.

"This… Is good..." The whisper was suave, almost as the fact was a surprise to her.

Allen nodded, in the wary way of people still knowing each other in a strange circumstance and muttered, leaning towards her.

"One of those days, you need to go to a _real_ restaurant, then you'll see what a good food is"

 **XxX**

The black panther observed as the akumas dispersed through some portals of the black Ark. The subtle movement of her chest with the breathing and a wave of the shining tail were the only indicatives that it wasn't a statue.

Lulubell had been quite clear with her instructions: The akumas she had selected would search in several places, just like she would. Any information, they should report to her and _that would be it._ No attacks, no revealing themselves, _nothing._

At least, not yet.

There was a reason why the Noah of Lust, able to change her shape at will, had a preference for that of a feline.

Any worth hunter knows the value of patience and caution. They were not dealing with a typical situation and a violent approach would be rash and foolish. The Earl also had been objective about this Noah they had to find, first they were to evaluate the factors before taking any decision.

It was something she comprehended and agreed. Precipitated actions were among the paths that were fast in leading to defeat in a chess game.

Going back to her true shape, the woman threw her blonde hair to her back and walked through one of the Portals.

To feel that Noah had been that of some kind of fire lighting running through her organism, stirring each nerve's ending… While, when the genes of a Noah woken on a new person, this sensation remained lit in waves that went up and down, allowing them to localize the person in question, in this case it had been just a brief shock.

So, they had no way of knowing exactly where she was. They, as well as the akumas, could feel the localization of another Noah even after said awakening but then it would be at a limited distance.

Well, it didn't matter.

They would find her soon.

" _A Noah can never escape another Noah"_

 **XxX**

The library was empty, something that didn't surprise Reever in the slightest. This was what he longed for, what he _needed._ He wouldn't be able to stay for long, there was work to be done, but… At least some minutes of silence and peace…

He wasn't asking for much.

He didn't look anywhere as he walked through shelves and shelves, trying to organize his thoughts that moved in waves, crashing and interrupting each other, unable to follow one way alone.

Inside, he had apprehension for the future.

He could remember very well the day he had met Allen Walker, a year (almost two, realized) and some months ago… He was a little shorter then, looking just a scrawny boy with a bright red arm… Remembering the confusion with the Gate Keeper and how Kanda had almost cut the boy in half, Reever felt his body shiver with a weak laugh of a person who looks to a past of child-like innocence while the present is a battlefield, a ground made of blood and corpses.

He had never imagined back then that the things would someday reach this point.

He shook his head. What was he doing? Drowning in his own thoughts wouldn't solve a thing and it wasn't something that he used to do. At the same time, the night had become one of those that, while makes people long for the morning to bring it to an end, also make them afraid of what the sunrise will bring.

" _You're not a child, why are you acting as one?"_ He reprimanded himself, hitting his fist against one of the shelves. " _You should be thinking about what must be done now!"_

Yes, true, but the question was… What? What _must, could, should_ be done? Allen was officially a Noah to the Order, nothing would change such a thing. Timcampy had no tracker, so they couldn't find him (neither could they establish a communication) and though Lenalee had swore the boy hadn't left with the Noah, who could ensure he hadn't been captured already?

"Reever-san?" A meek voice came to him and when he opened his eyes, Reever saw Miranda Lotto. The woman had her dark brown hair loose, falling over the delicate shoulders and there was bandage on the side of her face. "Are you alright?"

He sighed to himself, he didn't feel like talking to anyone, but there was no need or desire to be rude.

"Yes, Miranda… Just a bit tired…" He hoped she would take the hint and leave, but she did the opposite and came closer, studying his face.

"No, you… You're not alright, sir…" She commented in an insecure tone. "I don't mean to pry or anything, but…" What she truly meant to say was that there was _no way_ he could be fine. There was no way _anyone_ would be fine this night… She had come in here seeking some sort of peace herself. Though it was possible to isolate oneself from the noise and some comments she had been listening to, there was no way to run away from her own thoughts.

They stayed in silence for some seconds until Reever gazed at her pale face and gave in.

"No, I'm not alright"

Miranda agreed with a nod. Reever saw that the corners of her eyes were reddish and her hands shivered. She hadn't her usual gloves on, so he could see the scars of when the Noah Road Kamelot had pierced them with her candles. Reever considered asking her what she thought would happen from now on, but soon changed his mind.

"What do you think that _really_ happened?" Her voice was low and fast, the question more like a living being escaping its cage than a formation of sounds.

"The Noah came after him. Probably threatened to kill Link if he didn't cooperated and when they were leaving… Maybe because the agents of the Central were sent after them, they split up. I don't know, but somehow, Allen managed to escape" It was what he believed, it sounded the most logical.

"And they killed Link anyway" Miranda completed, nodding again. Her whole being was a doll ready to fall, her bones unable to sustain the body's weight. Still, she was standing. She had to. "I believe it was something like that, as well"

Krory did too. The vampire exorcist had been with her until a few moments ago and they had talked about it. The man had been divided, maybe due to his side that stirred when he drank akuma's blood, but it was as if he felt too many emotions at the same time… Not that it was very different with her. Despite the pain, there was anger, fear and a great self disappointment.

"I don't know what to do…" Reever growled, possessed by the need of taking that out of him.

Taking a deep breath, decided to not cry (she would rather do it when she was alone, not wanting to show weakness now), Miranda muttered to him.

"You know… Back on my city… Many times, I applied for jobs in which I had no experience… Well, of course I..." She chuckled a bit, hoping to give no signs of how those memories still were thorns on her mind. "I always messed everything up. And ended up wondering why I had tried if I already knew it would go all wrong…" After everything was ruined, after having failed once more, she always asked herself why she had been so foolish and why she had insisted.

Only to go and try again.

For a while, Miranda hadn't understood her own actions, as it can often happen. And she hadn't tried to justify or comprehend them either. After all, wasn't it said that insisting on repeating a mistake was stupidity? Insisting in something, even knowing it wouldn't work, wasn't the same thing? Wasn't she insisting in a mistake? Wasn't this also stupidity?

It was, she thought and also feared to be a twisted thing.

Which, in turn, meant _she_ was twisted.

Right?

"However… Later, I understood." She carried on, hoping she wasn't bothering Reever as she went to the point. "I would rather regret trying than regret not trying"

She took a deep breath, turning her dark brown eyes to Reever, who saw in them a kind of mist, as the one you can often see over a lake. This, however, softly covered deeper feelings. Ignoring the shivering lower lip, Miranda completed.

"So… We need… We _must_ do the best we can" It sounded easy, but most things did when put in words. "And have hope and faith…"

Reever nodded.

It was _all_ they could do.

 _For now…_

 **XxX**

After all the action he had had in such an endless night, Allen had hoped that he could fall asleep as soon as he lied down, his mind too tired to even conjure a dream… He would have been able to sleep even in the hardest and coldest floor…

It wasn't the case, after all.

Wrapped in the covers, turning his body from a side to the other occasionally, his muscles screaming for rest and unable to relax, Allen couldn't sleep and, even with his mind exhausted, thoughts wouldn't cease.

The silence tore apart the fragile chains of the worst thoughts and memories, which once freed could flow in images and words that he had no strength to contain. Even so, Allen tried if not to block them, at least distract himself as he waited for the blessing of unconscious… However, minutes dragged and became hours. The moments of a long sleepless night, in which our thoughts become crows pecking out sanity, are far too long.

" _The Order and the Noah will be after you…"_

Link lying in the floor, white feather-like things of a strange texture around.

" _I need to think what I have to buy to traveling…"_ Yes, after all, it wouldn't do to just wander with nothing but the clothes he had now. At the same time...

" _Stop, don't think, don't think…"_

Meeting with Miranda and the others once he had arrived on Edo, so many months ago…

" _Careful, if Raz remembers everything, she may cut your throat while you sleep."_

" _Shhh, no, think about other things."_

Lenalee crying, asking him to come back with her…

Crying because of him.

" _How will it be, if you meet Lenalee, Krory or the others?"_

" _What are they doing now?_

Krory, Lavi, Miranda and Lenalee staring at him with such despise… The image was only in his brain, but it was strong enough to feel like a true memory…

" _They'd never… Never, they are my friends, never, I trust them"_ The thought sounded too much like a child's plea and once more, he tried to imagine what they would be doing… He just hoped Lenalee wouldn't be in trouble for being the last person who had seen him.

" _Maybe they are calling me a traitor"_

With a groan, Allen turned in his bed, sinking his face on the pillow. As much as he wanted, that storm wouldn't stop. Scenarios passed by his mind, images of things that _could_ happen mixing with memories (good and bad), things that _had_ happened, hitting the sane line that separated his mind from the reality outside.

" _You carry two monsters inside you. You just sow chaos and conflict wherever you go"_

" _Damn, enough,_ please, _enough…"_

The dark thoughts laughed at him.

He didn't know what he would do now and was too tired to try and plan anything. Couldn't he have some rest at least this night?

" _To the Order, now, you're an enemy. Just that."_ But… Just because he carried the memory of a Noah inside? Even if he had been… _Was_ an Exorcist? And he… He was _human_ with an Innocence on his body, whose purpose was to save Akumas and defeat Noah… But… If even so he was host of a Noah at the same time… Then…

 _What_ was he?

Allen turned on his back, surrounded by silence and biting his lower lip as he opened his eyes. He couldn't take this anymore.

Turning once more, the boy looked to the side.

Raz's bed was empty.

Sitting, Allen saw her.

The room was quite bare, if not for two beds, a nightstand between them and a small table. The window, though, was large and covered by dark curtains, having a sill turned inside, large enough to someone to sit or lie down on it.

And that was where Raz was, seated and leaning her back on the wall. A leg stretched in front of her on the white sill, the other up and her elbow rested on the knee. She had opened a small opening in the curtain to look through the glass, unmoving as a nightmare or a corpse.

Not for the first time, Allen felt a shiver. For what he could see, she seemed rather calm, but he had already guessed that her face muscles hadn't remembered how to be touched by emotions.

"Can't sleep as well?" She asked in the tone of an undisturbed lake, not even glancing at his direction. Confirming with his head and a grumble, Allen stood and went to her.

"No…" He sat in front of her in the window-sill. "And... And you, why aren't you sleeping?"

He regretted the question immediately, realizing how it sounded. If he had ever woken up on Raz's situation, probably he wouldn't be able to rest as well. The Noah girl stayed in silence for some minutes, studying him and Allen had time to notice that the strange medium-blue of her eyes had grayish traits and, under the weak moonlight, they looked like stones.

Raz reflected briefly. In the few minutes she had spent in that bed, she had been unable to find any rest. No matter how much she tried, there was nothing in her mind that even resembled a memory.

She _knew_ some terms and concepts, as colors and some objects (for example), but it wasn't the same… It felt as if the knowledge she had just existed inside or had been carved in her brain, but Raz didn't have any idea of _where_ she had learned or the places she had been…

Trying to search in the depths of her mind for some memory, _any whatsoever,_ was to fall in a darkness where nothing existed, not even _herself…_ Actually, she didn't even need to try remembering, all she had to do was to close her eyes to be dominated by this sensation.

And Raz knew that this emptiness, so complete and absolute, was inside her.

It was her _inexistence._

She couldn't remember even her own face.

Oh, the girl knew the colors of her skin and hair, but just because she had seen them in the forest once she had woken up… Later, when she had excused herself and went to the inn's bathroom, she had seen herself in the mirror... Then she had touched her face, examining her own features not without curiosity and a strange sensation…

 _Who was she, after all?_

In truth, the only faces in her mind were of the people she had seen in the street tonight and of that boy, Allen, and not due to any sort of sentimentalism, but because there were _no other faces…_ Before this night, there was nothing, no faces or voices to think about, no flavor to remember, no place or predilections… And the emptiness spread inside her, darkness devouring organs until she was merely a glass doll.

Her mind was empty. Her body was empty.

Empty, dark and cold…

With this, Raz thought that if she was to be filled with lies, it wasn't _that_ bad… At least for _now._ Anything was better than that emptiness _._

Tormented by such sensations, the girl had decided it was better to stay up and had took a sit by the window, watching the moonlit street. But she had no idea of how to transcribe all this into words.

"I'm confused." She turned back to the window. Down there, a man walked around, tripping and apparently drunk out of his senses.

"I imagine…" Allen nodded meekly, pulling part of the curtain away as well and looking through the glass. Despite everything, he discovered that he would have liked to have something to tell her, to make her feel better. It was just the way he was. But nothing came to mind.

"What are we going to do? Tomorrow?" The girl wondered slowly as she opened the window a little. The straight hair was so thin that it seemed to shiver in the breeze as a dark lake. "You said you're going to try get more money…"

"To pay for the next days we're going to stay here… And we'll need some other things, too." He hesitated, unsure if Raz had any notion of what would be necessary. Maybe she didn't, but could imagine.

More silence from her part until she whispered.

"Packs?" She risked, tentatively.

"Well... Two would be better. And some food…" Allen could feel a part of his mind getting clearer as he talked."We need to think about every eventuality"

He looked at the girl. Her clothes were a kind of cross between a blouse and a long coat with a vertical cut in the middle of the tail, which fell to her ankles. That way, it looked almost as a weird dress, but it left to the view the long pants she wore. The suit could have been white, maybe even silver-like, but now it was an old and dull gray, the end of the pants tore and dirty with earth. So were the ends of the blouse's tail.

"And we're going to need clothes."

* * *

 **Ana: And one more chapter. There is nothing much to say here, though this chapter was a bit hard to write. The whole scene between Allen and Raz was quite awkward due to their situation...**

 **Raz: Well... After all, what happened to me?**

 **Ana: As if I'm going to tell now, right?**

 **Reever: Did you really have to make everyone depressed?**

 **Ana: And would anyone be skipping happily around after that mess?**

 **Reever: Point taken.**

 **Ana: And a HUGE thanks for _Jy24,_ the first review I had! Thank you so much! And remember people, reviews keep me alive! So, tell me what you think!  
**

 **Lulubell: You're quite pathetic.  
**

 **Ana: I wasn't talking to you...**

 _ **Jy24:** Thanks again! Yeah, English is not my first language and I often worry about mistakes. Well, for now, all you're going to know is her name. _

_Allen: How did she end up in that room? Was it Neah?_

 _Ana: Maybe, maybe not. Yes, it won't be an Allen/OC fic, but there WILL be pairings. But I'm just not telling yet._

 _Allen: Are you going to tell us ANYTHING that will happen?_

 _Ana: The sun will rise in the east? Well, as you can see, yes, the Noah WILL be hunting those two down._

 _Allen: ... It just occurred to me that maybe the Earl won't be too happy once he learns she is wandering around with an Exorcist..._

 _Ana: Ex-Exorcist, remember?_

 _Allen (a huge dark cloud over him): No matter what happen, I'm still an Exorcist..._

 _Ana: Oh, c'mon, don't be sad! Please! Your fans will skin me alive! For now, Raz doesn't trust Allen, but she has nothing to do, except to follow him. And yes, they will be traveling together from now on._

 _Raz: I'm not sure I believe the things he told me..._

 _Ana: Yeah, let's give it time._

 **Thanks again everyone who read this! I hope you enjoyed it!**


	3. Act Three – Of Memories and Demons

" _There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery" – Dante Alighieri._

 **Act Three – Of Memories and Demons.**

The first days dragged by almost as long dream from which he couldn't free himself.

In the first morning after their arrival in that town, when he woke up, Allen had had a second of peace... In retrospect, it had felt longer than that due to the relief of it and how all from before felt unreal and confused, for in that moment he truly believed that he was still in the dungeons of the Order… Until reality had bloomed in his mind once more, a flower that had closed its petals as Allen slept (few hours, he had just been able to sleep when his body had finally been defeated by exhaustion and the boy was well aware that the same applied to Raz)…

The events had come back to his mind and he didn't know if he would rather be in the inn or back in the dungeons, _before_ it all had happened… Link lying in the floor… Apocryphos… The pain caused by those white feathers… Tyki putting Road on his arms… The face of Lenalee, scarred by tears…

Just the sensation of an objective pushed him forward as he remembered of his promise to Mana. To _keep going on…_ Always forward. This had accompanied him for years and so it would until his death.

It was the only thing that _still_ made sense.

The only thing he _could_ do.

But he couldn't remember it being so hard. Even when he had lost his Innocence hadn't felt like this, but he still tried to hold to his promise and _force_ himself to not fall. So, after a bath, Allen had gone out with Raz and walked around the city, searching for bars and cheap stores. They spent the day like this until, by the sunset, they headed back to the Inn… And the links of a routine had started to take shape. And it was enough, for the days felt longer and he still had the mind-numbing sensation of being in a trance.

The card games helped, for they deemed attention and acted as real weights that were as a mental help to force that mist away. The objective of getting money enough to get ready for a trip (though he still didn't know _where to)_ distracted him as well… And there was Raz, as well.

While they had talked and made a small list, seeing ways to calculate their gains of the day and dividing it between the Inn and a saving for their needs, there was also the issue of her memories.

Now it was the seventh day of their stay and the Noah hadn't made any questions regarding him.

Allen had soon got the sensation that Raz didn't really believe his story, but had merely accepted it due to the current condition… Maybe she was waiting him to tell her everything eventually or maybe she was more worried in learning (or re-learning) about the world to which she had woken up to, as empty as a doll.

As the boy had imagined, there was knowledge that she had somehow retained, but also things she had virtually no idea of what they were. When they entered a bar, she always took a seat near him and watched the game, very quiet, but during their walks the girl would sometimes ask for explanations about things she saw or heard. One of those times had been when they had visited the local train station (which she had no idea of what was).

It also wasn't unusual for her to stop by or spy stores with the corner of her eyes.

So Allen also had several things to explain to her about and it was another welcomed distraction. And when they were not dealing with such explanations, they would talk about plans, their shopping and frivolous things. And until now, Raz had showed no signs of violence.

" _That's for_ now, _but what if her memories come back suddenly?"_ He wondered by the nightfall of the second day, lying in bed. It didn't seem that this would happen (at least not anytime soon), however… What then? What would _happen?_ Would she attack him or just leave to find the other Noah?

Allen had decided that there was nothing he could do regarding this. He couldn't very well just abandon Raz all alone, it wouldn't be _right…_ And if she did end up remembering and attacking him… Well, then he would fight and run away. With this idea, Allen tried to hide the thought deep in his brain… The situation was enough to deal with without having to focus in such hypothesis.

However, he was right about one thing: _Raz wasn't sure if she believed him or not._

On a side, there was physical evidence that neither she nor the boy were "normal". His left arm (hidden under old bandage-like cloths that he had asked the inn's owner for), his star-like shaped scar that went down in a fine line across his face… And she, who hadn't forgotten how the true color of her skin, under the white of now, was actually of gray ashes forgotten in a fireplace.

Not that the girl had ever took on that appearance again.

Yes, they were not… _Normal._ But Allen hadn't said a word about himself or more details about the " _Noah"._ And it wasn't as if she _didn't_ have any questions, often the temptation of asking for information had danced in front of her in a sadistic way, so much that the echoes of its laughing seemed too real even if it was merely inside the void she still felt.

But Raz had held back. It wasn't just because she wasn't sure she believed a thing that Allen Walker did say or not… It was all so confusing that she had found it better to keep her attention in asking simpler things, trying to get out of the maze she was in.

For now.

"What about those shirts?" She suggested when seeing a table with some shirts of different colors and types under a sign of _"special"_ in one of the clothes' store that they had found.

"They seem good" The boy answered, picking a white one. They were simple, not very different from the one he was wearing, though he would rather have some with long sleeves. The cloths on his arm weren't bad, but he needed a more practical thing.

"Didn't we see some gloves yesterday in that other store down street?" She remembered when he mentioned it. "There was a pair that went up to the elbows" Until now, they had gotten shoes (for her), two backpacks that were actually pretty resistant, besides two changes of undergarments. Even so, Raz had chosen to keep the white suit that she had been wearing when Allen found her.

The white-haired boy hadn't inquired about the reasons behind it and Raz was grateful for this. Even _she_ didn't know why, it wasn't as if the strange suit held any meaning to her, even in the most basic instinctual levels of nerves and emotions.

"We could take two" Allen commented, observing the tag price and remembering the amount they had saved to the day's spending and turned to her with incentive. "Pick one for you too"

Raz observed the options for an instant. Allen had already noticed that, most of the times she had to make a similar choice, the first reaction was of hesitation.

" _How must it be like?"_ He wondered, studying her. " _To not remember anything besides your name? No favorite colors or places?"_ The idea, one he had been giving more attention after meeting Raz, disturbed him. How would it be if he forgot _Mana?_ Or Lavi and Lenalee? Or everything about himself?

A cold shiver was born in his nerves and echoed in his blood.

And even now, the memories of them were sources of warmth and coldness at the same time. There was the love he felt for them, the happy moments they had shared and the comfort of their friendship... But all of this was tainted by whispers of fear that they would hate him, seeds of doubt that threatened to grow and worse, an empty space inside him that caused such a pain that it was almost physical: _He_ _missed them._

"Just... Just take the one you like the most" He tried suggesting in a gentle tone, as he had no idea of how to deal with a situation such as this and thought he would never get used to it. As for Raz, she detested that sensation of not knowing _herself._ Even if she did try, it was still too early for her to be able to remember (or even develop) any sort of preferences. In a sense, all the colors looked the same, nothing about them had any effect or looked better than the others, so she just randomly picked a bluish one. Allen nodded.

"It matches your eyes a bit"

Upon leaving the store, the sunset's light touched their faces as it spread through the streets. The afternoon's breeze carried the promise of night's coolness. A woman passed by them holding hands with a small blonde boy that laughed, holding a sack with breads to his chest.

Typical end of day, a calm noon approaching twilight…

But both of them felt apart, their bodies covered by an invisible layer that distanced them from all that.

"Allen…" Raz started, arranging the bag on her hand. "When we were in that bar yesterday…" The boy nodded. "Why didn't you keep betting with that man?" Raz had realized right in the first games the obscure aura that Allen emitted in those occasions and until now, he had lost not even a single time, so his refusal to keep going had been a bit of a surprise that she couldn't understand.

Allen remembered. The man in question had been a black-haired one whom Allen had gamed against until he had called the quits, despite the man insisting that they kept playing and showed more notes that he was willing to bet, waving them in his hand. Despite the amount being reasonable, Allen had been unmovable and ignored the screams being thrown to him as he left; a mix of pleads and provocations.

Allen knew that type.

"That man… You saw him, he lost several rounds and still wanted to go on? By his state, he would end up betting more than he could or should." It wasn't a supposition. Part of what made a great player was to know the opponent and, in this point, Allen had good observation skills and could read others with easiness. There were several types of players, some categories intercrossing, and he had recognized which one the man belonged almost in the hour he had taken a seat.

A shrugging from Raz that, more than her face, expressed she wasn't following exactly. Allen shook his head, not entirely sure that she really didn't comprehend or just didn't care… But his bets were in the first option. Though her face was a mask of unchanging serenity, as the muscles no longer knew how to move according to emotions, he could catch glimpses in her eyes.

"In this business, you end up hearing all kinds of stories or even being witness of some… I've seen people betting all the money they had and losing it all. You know what they did then?"

"They went back home…" It was the most logical action, but Allen seemed to find it amusing.

"That's what you would expect, but no. They still tried to bet more" He turned his gaze forwards, remembering. Some meters in front, sitting in a bank, two girls chattered happily. "Once, some years ago, I was watching a group… Evaluating my changes and waiting for the moment" He added. "And one of the guys insisted in betting the engagement ring of his own daughter… Do you get what I mean?"

Raz blinked.

"If I'd accepted that, he would end up betting more than he should… More than he had even" It was clear that someone else could easily take up the challenge (especially with the easy win), but Allen refused to take part in which could very well lead to someone's fall. After winning the last game, he had even told the man that he should go home and call it a day, but he had been ignored.

"Where did you learn to play like this after all?" The girl asked shaking her head, the movement making the dark hair shiver on her back. "You _never_ lose."

"Because I cheat." The boy explained without blinking and would have laughed, but the idea still made his body dry inside. Raz blinked twice, lifting her eyebrows a little, though she _was_ a little surprised, for she had never thought that Allen would be really able to do something considered "wrong", even if she had seen how different he was when playing cards.

"I've learnt when I was younger" The boy told as they entered the inn and waved to the keeper before going upstairs. Without turning back, Allen carried on. "My master was always leaving his bills in my name or would vanish before collectors appeared. So it ended up with me having to deal with a way of paying for it"

Raz wanted to ask who this "master" Allen mentioned was (and master of _what?)_ but allowed it to be nothing more than a wish. He took his copy of the room's key. The sheets on the beds had been changed, but besides that, the only difference was the backpacks resting near the window. At first, he had thought about keeping the new clothes in the closet (no matter how little they had), but had changed his mind… No matter how much he wanted to push the matter away, truth was they were in a constant risk of being found by the Order or the Noah at any moment.

Once more, Allen felt the hold of cold claws in his soul becoming stronger. Would that sensation ever go away someday? Would there be an hour, a second even, when he wouldn't hurt that way?

"At first…" He started again fast, unaware that the cadence of his voice was slightly out of the rhythm, but Raz noticed. "I was just learning to control better my left arm…" In the circus, always with gloves to hide it and with the deformed fingers, he didn't use it as much as his right arm. Not to mention how Cosimov used to… No, _that_ was a snake in his mind that he didn't want to disturb.

"So, with time I learnt some tricks and, well, here I am!" He turned after leaving the bag at the side of the backpack. "When I play, it's to win! Cards are always ion my favor, so if you're going to play against me, be ready to lose!".

"I'll keep that in mind" Raz nodded, that serene tone almost flowing-like of always. "Well… Then remind me to _never_ try to play against you, will you?" That if she even came to _learn_ someday. Allen had explained some rules and some games and offered himself to teach her a bit, but Raz had ended up realizing she would rather watch the games than to take part.

For an instant, the remembrance of the battles in the Ark tore his mind apart. When he had fought against Tyki, he had told him he would rather have that all that was nothing more than a poker game, where no one had to die… He felt as if that memory was older than it actually was, almost as if coming from another life. The snow of worries and other events had buried it, speeding the process of aging it.

He tried to bury it once more.

"Allen?" Raz called, head a bit tilted to the side. The muscles of his face moved, controlled by mechanical cords and he smiled.

"If that happen someday, I'll remind you, leave it to me" There was almost a double sense in that, in the case of Raz someday decided to fight him. Allen ignored that thought as well. There were more important things to deal with and he went to one of the backpacks, picking some notes tied together and took others from the pocket.

"Well, we had a good gain… There is a bit left from shopping, too." He made calculus in mind. They had enough to pay for two train tickets and a bit more for eventualities. "Do you think we need more clothes? What else there is in the list?"

"I'm not sure… We haven't bought any food yet" Raz commented as she read a small piece of paper with some words risked in the firm writing of Allen. They exchanged looks… The reason they hadn't done a thing about that particular item was because they hadn't even decided where to go… And the idea birthed tension in them, for the most varied reasons.

" _Do we really have to go? Why can't we stay here?"_ She thought of sudden, thought the idea _sounded_ strange and pale, not receiving the nutrients of true will. She wanted to discover who and _what_ she was and how would that ever happen if she stayed in that city? " _Will I ever remember?"_

A question without answer, but to which she had gave a lot of thought (especially in the silence hours of the night where she found no rest and thoughts dragged around her mind as worms devouring her sanity) and had decided it wouldn't be any good to remain still, waiting. In a way or another, she would seek answers.

Allen could be lying… Or telling the truth.

But even if that's was the case, he hadn't told her _all_ the truth yet.

"Why do you want to leave?"

Silence.

Raz felt her shoulders hardening when she realized she had said that and not just thought.

Allen looked at her, not knowing how to answer… He had expected several questions, including that one, but… It was harder to explain than it was to feel. He still didn't know how he would do it… Any answer of _any_ question would give birth to more questions… Everything became tangled in a spider's web containing storms and he couldn't separate the threads to explain each one individually.

He could tell her everything at once, but the difficulty remained.

Before he could think about what to say, Raz lifted her hand.

"I'm sorry… You don't need to tell me if you don't want to" At least not yet. Simplifying, both wanted to leave town. He hadn't hurt her at any moment, explained things that she didn't know… Those were already good points to stay with him, were Allen lying or not.

The boy closed his mouth and nodded.

" _You do know you should tell her"_ A voice in his mind whispered. " _She_ has _the right to know, it is cruel to let her stay like this."_

"It's complicated, Raz…" He started. "But… There are some people after me. It isn't safe to stay for long in one place." He hesitated, but since he had started, decided to carry on a little more. "And there are things that I need to find out." Why such a simple truth still left such a trail of bitter taste in his mouth?

It was what he had been thinking a bit before of… Well, have a kind of seizure and being attacked by Apocryphos… That he had been just hating the Fourteenth without knowing anything about him or his side of the story. And he had wondered if anything would change should he learn it.

"I see…" The girl agreed with her head, signalizing she understood and that it was enough of an answer. She didn't want to pressure him, just as he didn't pressure her. "I think… Then we're sort of alike regarding this."

Allen repeated the gesture slowly. Yes… In this point, they were alike. Both lost and searching for truths in a maze of mirrors. The image was a bit appropriated.

"We are" He said, before deciding to change the subject. "Hey, let's get some dinner, I'm starving!"

"And we still can search some bars later" She suggested and would have tried to smile a little, but she wasn't sure she would know how to do it. "There must be some people still who don't know that they shouldn't challenge you in cards."

 **XxX**

Sitting in the edge of a roof she observed without moving a muscle.

There were no doubts about the scene unrolled in front of her and she had always been more leaning to accept facts and analyze then rather than elude herself, repeating useless mantras such as " _it can't be"_ or " _impossible"._ Those were attitudes she regarded with cold despise.

And even with the report she had received recently had made her think that there should be a mistake, incomplete and untrustworthy information, now, seeing with her own eyes, she accepted the true in its pure form.

Even so…

Lulubell arranged her tail around her paws.

A band of akumas had been attacking a nearby city and one of them had told her that, while passing over here, had felt an unknown aura of Noah. After the attack, instead of going back, it had investigated and found something else which had made the Noah of Lust doubt the akuma (even if in such search, mistakes were basically impossible).

Allen Walker was with the Noah.

Lulubell had no idea of how this was even possible.

Using one of the Black Ark's portals, she had arrived in town recently and took a way to the inn from where the akuma had affirmed to have felt the presence of the Noah. It had been good measure to warn them to not get too close, for its presence would have certainly have warned Allen Walker… Instead, the akuma had kept itself in the skies, at a better distance and used its superior vision.

Now, at a shorter distance, Lulubell could feel the girl's presence. It was something as natural as scenting a perfume, except it wasn't a sense that could be explained for it wasn't concentrated in the eyes or skin, but dissolved in blood and nerves.

No doubt, it was her.

Through the inn's window, Lulubell could see them eating and, for a brief second, she recognized that the scene seemed _quite_ weird, a Noah and an Exorcist having dinner together and talking!

But she didn't allow herself to wonder about it for long.

This was beyond unexpected. And there was no sense to be taken from it.

Why would a Noah be near an exorcist without trying to kill him? Truth that the Earl had made very clear that they shouldn't harm Allen Walker, but _she_ had no means of knowing this. And how had they even met? Could it be that she was lying and deceiving Walker for some reason? Her mind ran over the hypothesis, evaluating and generating others at the same time she analyzed the possible results of each.

Golden eyes sparkled in the night, frozen flames that accompanied the white-haired boy and the bluish-black haired girl as they left the inn and followed a street. Conjectures were worthless. Hypotheses were no more than ideas.

Her tail waved.

" _I have an order for you…"_ She sent a thought to the akumas that wandered in the skies, some hidden by clouds and others so far away that the moonlight in their metal bodies made they spark with the coldness of cemeteries' stars.

" _Attack Walker. Do_ not _let him realize you won't kill him"_

Before taking any decision, it would be better to find out more about the true nature of the situation.

The black cat jumped with grace to another roof, accompanying the young teens as if they were two mice. The akumas were getting closer fast, focused in nothing more than obey her command. Lulubell felt the enjoyment preceding the hunt.

" _Let's see what_ you both _will do"_

 **XxX**

"I think we could try up street" Raz muttered. "There was a bar passing by the square, that one with the fountain."

Allen knew of what she was talking about. That one, as many where he had played in other nights, was a kind of pub, clean and organized, contrary to some bars they had visited in their first days, places whose smell of beer was bitter and old, clients muttering to themselves or screaming and laughing in loud, lost voices.

"I haven't played there" He commented, nodding. "Okay, let's try it first" As he had explained her, if they gamed every night in the same establishment, people would end talking. Some players kept tales of games to themselves or friends, but others would speak to whoever gave them a second of time and, from a mouth to another, stories grew easily. And as soon as someone came asking for a pale boy of white hair and a scarred face, the answer would be immediate.

So, there were places he had gone twice already and others he had been just one time. He had given some thought to the idea of making a routine, but the point remained: If there was a bar he frequented by Mondays, two weeks would be enough so people would recognize him.

" _Not that we will stay for much longer, I guess"_ He reflected that it was a bit of a pity… It was such a pleasant city. " _Makes me remember of when Master disappeared"._ There was a kind of irony in this, wasn't it? Maybe he should have asked Cross to teach him to disappear from the face of Earth as he had done.

" _Not that there_ is _what to ask, not when he had Maria with him."_

"Allen?" The girl called, hand landing on his shoulder lightly and bringing him back to the present. When he turned to Raz, she removed her hand, tilting her head to the side. "Are you… Alright?"

"Hm? Yeah, sure… Why the question?"

"You're looking around in a weird way…"

"Weird how?"

"I don't know, just… Weird." She shrugged a bit, showing that she couldn't define it exactly, but still tried. "A bit as if… The way you get from time to time. As if you were searching for something that you lost…" It was more than that. The idea he transmitted was that what he searched for could never be found and he still tried… Eyes dull and quiet.

Raz longed to ask what had happened, but she didn't want him to tell her anything if _Allen_ didn't want to, reason why she hadn't insisted earlier on. But not even so could she keep herself alienated from that kind of look.

"I was just thinking about some stuff…" He smiled, waving his hand. "Ah, but it is nothing. Don't worry, okay? Listen, I think we should start thinking where we could go."

Raz shook her head, lifting her hands.

"Hey, that's more with you" She answered with firm voice. "Anywhere is good to me" The fact did disturb her a little. They had taken a look into a map in the train's station that showed other cities and trains they could catch, but nothing there wakened any sensation or curiosity. Her world, since she had woken up, was limited to that city.

"I don't know too" Allen confessed. He knew he needed answers, but where could he get them? "Maybe we should just… Keep going forward" The words came with the naturally of an answer that was already instinctive in some occasions.

Maybe noticing something in his voice or just curious for the choice of words, Raz repeated as a child trying to confirm if she understood what an adult just said.

"Going forward?"

"Well… It's what Mana used to say" Allen told her with a shy smile, words bringing with them the memory of the man, sound and image chained to one another. A small shadow formed on Raz's forehead when she frowned slightly, corned of mouth rising a bit, signals light as waves in a lake, but that Allen already knew and explained better. "Mana… He... Was my father."

It was the first time he ever mentioned any sort of family. Raz kept her silence and hesitated before touching his shoulder again. Allen still smiled, his eyes reflecting the memories.

They were deep inside him. The time after Mana's death had days of darkness and pain and he didn't remember those very well, but they didn't matter. What he did remember was after his wound had became a scar and he could leave Mother's house with Cross, he often spent the time before sleeping just lying down and remembering Mana, pulling all moments from his memory as best as he could, afraid, _oh so afraid_ , that they would fade with time…

It was his greatest fear and even now, the possibility frightened him to the point his mind would bring forward all he remembered about his father just to prove that it wasn't happening…

At the same time, it opened the wounds.

The voice, so suave and kind… The faces Mana would make when trying to make him laugh, even when he was rude and how he would hold his hands when teaching him new tricks and how to juggle… And he taught him to feel a sort of warmth he had never known. Back then, he was angry and was ashamed of himself when he woke up screaming (or trying to not to, since waking up anyone in the circus used to mean a beating), but Mana never said a thing or got mad, he just held him close and sometimes told stories Allen had never heard.

He would never hear that voice or that laugh again. He would never feel that hug or those big hands holding his ones…

" _Mana…"_

"He took me in when I was little…" The boy told without thinking why. "We traveled together, so he always…"

His blood froze.

His left eye sent a ray of warning to the mind.

The nerves reacted, becoming shards of glass.

"Allen?"

"Raz, _RUN!"_ He grabbed the girl, running to the fountain. A bright ray hit the ground in answer to the movement, breaking the asphalt. They both looked up, Allen's eye shining in red, a lent almost liquid-like appearing over it circled by a silver gear.

Akumas.

More than he could count at first glance, moving in air and surrounding them as hyenas. The few people nearby screamed and ran for it. At his side, Raz was still and he felt her stiff arms.

"Allen…" She muttered, but didn't say anything else. Allen didn't wait.

"Raz, just stay here and take cover!" From some corner of his mind, a little voice screamed that it was a foolish thing to say, she was a _Noah,_ she wouldn't be harmed. But in that moment, that didn't make a difference.

Raz's mind seemed unable to process the events. In a second she had been talking to Allen and then his eye had turned strange and he had pulled her with him, having to stop near the fountain. And now, things floated in the air, of an aspect as metallic as organic, a mixture of both creating obscene parodies.

What were those…

" _Akumas"_ The term tore the barrier of confusion, digging its claws in her brain. She had no idea of how she _knew_ that, but the certainty was powerful. Those things were akumas.

A white ray appeared again. Allen jumped, landing on his feet, without losing balance. The things made sounds, mockery and laughs.

"Allen, what do you think you're doing? Let's get out here!" Raz called and, for the first time ever since she had woken up, her voice had risen to turn into a cry. Allen didn't even turn to her, eyes fixated on the sky. What was he doing? Those things would kill him!

"Exorcist! Exorcist!" One of them laughed, rubbing his teeth with the sound of nails against a blackboard. The voice was shivered, as passing by shards of ice and the eyes were saliencies in its metal head. "It's the exorcist the Earl spoke about!"

Another akuma, with the looks of a bluish helmetand a vaguely human-like body shook its head. A hunting dog that had lost its sanity.

"And the lost Noah!"

Allen lifted his Innocence arm.

The flesh, almost black, produced a white gleam.

A white mantle as if made by the moon wrapped itself around him, turning Allen into a ghost of the night. The arm was now all black, fingers of fine claws with silver rings like the bracelet in shapes of crowns. A white cross shined in the back of the hand.

Raz felt the strength abandoning her legs and part of her mind wanted to recoil to the depths, take refuge in the point where the beating of her heart was the only law needed… And yet, something in the depths of her blood shivered…

Allen jumped, higher than it should be possible for humans, against one of the akumas with the head like some firearm. The thing attacked with the others, but the boy screamed something… A trail appeared when he hit the air, caused by the rings… Akumas hit roared in pain and backed off, but just that wasn't enough…

The boy was back in the ground, sliding on his feet and normal hand. By the look of Allen, Raz guessed that movement did no harm to him…

Why? Why did all of this felt as if it should mean something? How could such insane scene have meaning?

Allen grabbed his wrist, concentrating to activate the Exorcist Sword…

A knife of pure agony cut his thoughts.

The boy fell on his knees, biting his lower lip, not feeling the taste of his own blood.

The nerves convulsed in despair, sharing pain with the rest of the body, but the arm was still the focus of it all. Shards pierced his nerve endings and his blood, tearing it all apart in the way.

"ALLEN!" Raz screamed, running to him and Allen didn't even notice. The pain was in his blood, his eyes, his mind, filling his very existence and he cried, mouth colored with the red of his blood.

From the skin of his left arm appeared white feathers, serpents that shuddered and rubbed against each other, some caressing his arms, other wrapping it, dissolving in contact and holding the raw flesh as they touched each of his nerves…

Apocryphos' feathers.

* * *

 **Ana: Hello, cliffhanger! I'll hold the next chapter as hostage until I get reviews! -evil laugh-  
**

 **Allen: You're mean. And a bit strange. And you know that, don't you?**

 **Ana: You're saying this because of the cliffhanger, the feathers or...**

 **Allen: Honestly? All of it. This is getting ridiculous.**

 **Ana: Weell, considering how much you love the Order, I doubt you would overcome all that happened in just some days. And with the Noah after you and all, it couldn't be a walk in the park.**

 **Raz: And where I enter in all this? The only thing I felt familiar now were those akumas!**

 **Ana: You're a Noah, that would be natural! And now, the Noah know you're with Allen, you're both screwed.**

 **Allen: ... You love us, don't you?**

 **Lulubell: Excuse me, I know this may be quite hard considering _your_ mental level, but can I just drag them back to the Earl now?**

 **Ana: ... Do you even wonder why you're _not_ my favorite Noah? (Really, she isn't). **

**Neah (possessing Allen): Do you have favorites? Who? I'm at least in top 5, right? I'm _everyone's_ favorite!**

 **Ana: YOU! You're not supposed to even appear yet! -holds a cross- Go back to the darkness!**

 **Everyone: ...**

 **Neah: Seriously?**

 _ **Jy24:** As you can see, yes! Allen has been taking care of her. It's not like he would leave her all alone, he is an "all-loving hero". Even if he sometimes worries about it._

 _Allen: What would I do? Leave her all alone?_

 _Raz: I'm thankful for this. What would happen if he wasn't with me?_

 _Ana: Considering the other Noah can't localize you straight away and you don't remember a thing about the world... The possibilities are endless. But now Lulubell saw them together and I don't think she was happy about it._

 _Allen: Little sister? I... I never thought about it, but maybe. I do care for her._

 _Raz: But we're not related..._

 _Ana: You don't have to be related to be considered a sister, Raz. Oh, regarding the Order, yes, they will appear. Like I said, the Noah now will know they are traveling together and there WILL be a point where the Order will know about this too. When and how, I can't say yet. Thanks so much for the reviews, they keep me going!_


	4. Act Four – Chains of Feathers

" _I dreamed of you. I dreamed you were wandering in the dark, and so was I. We found each other. We found each other in the dark" – Stephen King, "The Green Mile"._

 **Act Four – Chains of Feathers.**

Pain.

Allen knew pain.

Had known it since very young and certain moments jumped in front of the memory of his body. Moments that had made the akumas' attacks turn into light burnings that were soon forgotten and healed.

The beatings of the circus… Teases that, ever so slowly, bit his heart in the creation of a hole… His left arm being reduced to ashes… Kanda's mugen piercing his flesh, burning his blood and tearing nerves apart…

But nothing had been like this.

By instinct, his teeth came down to the flesh of his lip, ripping it. He didn't realize it. There was nothing else around, not even a world, for all that existed was that agony…

The feathers slithered by his arm with obscene movements, melting in contact with his skin. The boy felt them as glass' shards rubbing against his nerves in caresses. He couldn't move, not even raise his arm.

At his side, Raz arranged his human arm around her own shoulders, forcing Allen to stand as the akumas, for a second, seemed unable to grasp what had happened.

"C'mon, Allen, c'mon…" She muttered and, had Allen been in a better mental state, he would have taken notice of the despair in her voice of unchangeable tone. The Noah forced the boy to run with her, blood sliding down his chin in a grotesque painting, but as soon as he started moving, something in his body reacted.

" _Is he awake?"_ She wondered, not finding an answer. It was as if pain left him incapable, but there was something else there and this was what was moving the legs. Raz didn't mind the fact, only trying to run and escape the attacks that came from air. The akumas followed, screaming wasps, laughing and hissing. In that cacophony, she heard one of them, giggling and saying that they just wanted to play.

They both ran, almost tripping, ignoring the screams of people as well, Raz choosing streets with big buildings, hoping they would limit the number of akumas that were able to follow close and, sure enough, some of them took airs as others tried to destroy the buildings to open way.

In a moment, Raz entered the fist allay she saw, shrinking herself with Allen and trying to recover the control of breathing.

" _May they not find us, may they not find us…"_ Her mind repeated the mantra, not giving space to any other thought. At her side, Allen leaned his back on the wall, holding his left shoulder, digging nails on the flesh until the fingers turned white and the flesh underneath them gave birth to the smallest drop of blood.

"Allen, what _is that?"_ Raz asked, images and ideas shocking in her mind, not finding a sense in any of all that had happened, but now waiting for answers that she knew he couldn't give her now either.

Kneeling at his side, she leaned over the black arm. The feathers had a weak light in the darkness, still slithering and twisting, some apparently fighting to go back to under his flesh.

Without thinking, Raz grabbed some.

All the nerves in her palms exploded in pain.

Raz released the white things for a second, before grabbing once more. The agony was beyond all, spreading to her body and she felt as if her skin would melt and leave the flesh bare to the feathers. And yet, she pulled, trying to gouge those things out as they reacted with the resistance of roots.

Allen convulsed, in his own pain, fighting back screams.

Raz managed to tear one of those things out, almost expecting to see it red with blood, still holding veins and threads of flesh… But the thin extremity was as white as the rest, shaking as the tail of a rat. The girl let it go and the long feather fell on the ground in a seizure before it became grey and broke in ashes.

She continued to grab and pull, her flesh crying at each second touching that soft substance of sharp glass, fire and poison that reached her interior. And inside Raz, something new found birth. Focused as the Noah was, she didn't realize at first, but the shock and fear were devoured by other emotions… Something old and painful, with traits of hate, sorrow and more, that twisted as the feathers until Raz could no longer identify anything in that mass that had dominated her heart.

Allen was feeling better, his organs stabilizing with each tore feather, started to help her, fighting the resistance of the things that he felt curling and nailing in something inside his flesh and, at the same time, in something inside his soul.

Around, he noticed something else going on.

The shadows were moving.

Wrapped in darkness as they were, Allen had not seen at first, but with the light coming from the feathers, there was no doubt. The shadows, threads of black ink, wer coming closer to them, reacting to something…

 _Raz._

The shadows slid towards her, some strings-shaped slithering over her legs or back, emitting pieces that were mist-like in the air. Suave and delicate movements, but firm and insidiously. One of them curled around her right shoulder as a snake would, a black vein whose mist caressed the side of her face.

The girl gritted her teeth, eyes running from the feathers to the shadows that she only now realized and her eyes pulsated, breathing agitating once more with confusion and fear, though she never one stopped what she was doing, even if there was no strength left in her hands.

As soon as they pulled the last feather, Raz stood in a jump, running and slapping her hands against herself as one would do when covered in cockroaches. However, the shadows were no longer visible, they had dissipated as fragments of thought. Once she realized this, she groaned and held her own shoulders.

Allen saw her blue-grey eyes shivered, mouth half-open, body ticking in shivers…

She was scared.

Turning back to Allen, hands still knowing nothing but pain, Raz hesitated… Suddenly, the vision of that black arm, of the cross and the silver rings, strengthened the weird feeling from before… And lit up a ferocious desire in her depths. She wanted to tear that thing up… She wanted to twist it until every single bone was broken, to tear off the skin and leave the flesh exposed and tear, tear, tear it apart…

"Raz?".

The girl blinked, eyes meeting Allen's.

What… What she had been thinking? What had she wanted to do?

It was _Allen!_

Her throat closed, heart struggling in her chest… And she wasn't just afraid of those feathers or the akumas or those shadows anymore… In that second, her fear was bigger than all this.

"Allen…" The girl whispered, before swallowed hard, trying to control the vocal cords without success. "What was… What _is_ all this… What is _going on?"._

The boy stood holding his arm, still sore. A spasm would agitate him at regular intervals, even if he felt better. A bitter taste controlled his mouth and Allen didn't know how to tell Raz about all she had just witnessed.

Of all the situations that his mind had conjured as a scenario for explanations, this was the worst.

"Raz, it's hard to explain… I…" The words died in his throat and he growled to himself. There wasn't even _time_ to tell, not with the akumas nearby that he knew were approaching their hiding place.

"Then tell me, help me _understand…"_ Though it wasn't a plea, he felt the nervousness and feeling of being so, so _lost_ in her words. However, the akumas weren't far and if he didn't hurry up, they would be found and killed. Not to mention the other people who could end up murdered…

There was no time.

If Apocryphos was nearby…

"Raz, please… I swear I'll tell everything, but I need to solve this first." He muttered and looked at her hands that she had crossed against her body. "How are…?".

Once more, she hesitated and Allen thought she wouldn't say a word. With the carefulness almost of a hurt child, Raz turned her hands away from her body and showed them, palms up.

Allen bit his tongue.

The palms were in raw flesh, covered in cuts. The shreds of remaining skin had tore edges. In the flesh, there were deep lines of wounds that still throbbed visibly. Some areas were black and it wasn't possible to be sure of those were deep cuts, blood stains or even burns.

There was blood.

It was a grotesque vision.

"I'm… I'm so sorry, I know I should have told you all before…" He muttered, but raised his head, the cursed eye sending desperate warnings to the mind. "They are here…" Turning back to her, Allen held her wrists, taking care to not touch her wounds. "Raz, I _swear_ I'll tell everything, but for now, _just stay here!"._

With no time to afford in waiting for answer, Allen went to the street, activating the Exorcist Sword on the way. Raz came close enough to watch… Some akumas were already on the end of the street, others floating nearby. This time, with nothing stopping him, Allen jumped, a flash of white light piercing those creatures.

Where she was, Raz flinched her pain-pulsating hands without understanding…

Still, the old sensation was back.

Why did she feel those things should mean something to her? It couldn't be, they had no meaning, no reference, as many others…

And why… Why did she feel that impulse of destroying Allen's arm?

 **XxX**

" _The last time that happened, Apocryphos was near"_ Allen remembered, panting a bit while a solitary soul muttered in gratitude to him before going to the afterlife. Around him, everything he looked had a sign of destruction. At least there hadn't been any death, for which he was thankful.

Pushing the sword back to his shoulder, making it turn back into flesh and bone, his mind went back to the night in which he had gone away ( _escaped, ran away, been abandoned)_ by the Order… There had been a moment when he was with Tyki and Road and those feathers had appeared suddenly.

A cold shiver ran through his spine when he also remembered Tyki holding his arm, decided to slice it off, affirming that that it was denouncing his position to Apocryphos.

Was he here? Was he here?

" _No, I don't think so… It wasn't quite the same as back then"_ Later in the same night, he had hoped that Raz wouldn't attack him not only because he was tired as because he wasn't confident to activate his Innocence, which he had _never_ felt before.

No, it hadn't been his _arm_ that had reacted. This night, those feathers… That sensation…

" _It was the same from when he tried... To absorb me"_ The realization filled with the most powerful disgust, knowing that for all those days, a part of that creature had still been inside him. Suddenly, he felt dirty inside, as if a disease had made his organs black and maculated.

Instinctively, he ran his hands against his arms, disgusted…

Even so…

" _Will the same thing happen, if Apocryphos is around?"_ He didn't know, but even without those feathers, he knew it would. After all, what had reacted that night _had been_ his arm.

For a side, at least he would know when that beast was near, for another, _Apocryphos_ would know it was well.

He looked back.

Raz, half hidden in the alley, still looked at his direction, still and quiet. The usual serenity was back to her face, but he doubted very much that was how she felt.

Was the same distrust from before back as well?

" _We have to get out of here!"._

With the akumas having seen them… Having seen Raz… Hadn't one of them called her " _lost Noah"_ as soon as they had been found? The Earl, then, should know already their localization!

He went back to her, ignoring the exhaustion.

"Raz… We must go back to the inn. Now".

"Allen…" She started in a firm tone, hands shivered and flinched to her chest, but Allen already knew what she was going to say.

"I'll tell everything on the way and there, but Raz…" He pointed in the direction he had been fighting. "More of those things will come".

" _And someone far worse than them…"_ He completed in his mind. Raz seemed to consider and nodded. Once more, Allen's eyes went to her hands though the vision was stomach-turning, as severe wounds and exposed flesh can so often be.

"I'm so sorry for your hands…".

"There's nothing to feel about" She said (and _meaning_ it, she had _chosen_ to hold those feathers) as they walked by a street still empty. At least no one had saw Allen fighting, people had ran away, so no one would stop them with inquiries.

None of them noticed the black cat sitting on a roof, whose golden eyes followed them without ever so much of a blink.

Lulubell waved her tail in the air. With the heightened senses of a cat, she had had no need of staying close to listen or see all that had happened, and it had been enough for her to get a good idea of the situation.

Tyki had told them all about the "rescue" (as he called it), so the feathers hadn't been a surprise… The surprise had been seeing the Noah ( _Raz,_ the brat had called her Raz) running to him, taking him out of the park until he managed to run again. The questions from before were back: What would make her act in such way?

Then the girl had started to tear away the feather-shaped Innocence from Allen Walker's arm.

Touching Innocence wasn't enough to hurt a Noah, after all, they had destroyed several of them by merely crunching them. However, Apocryphos was different, a raw Innocence, independent and conscientious. And those feathers were a part of him. When the girl had showed Walker her hands, she had had her back to the roof where Lulubell was, but she was sure the other was hurt.

A Noah helping an Exorcist.

Lulubell had been thinking the girl had felt the Fourteenth in Walker, until they had started to talk. And she had heard each word.

" _Help me understand…"._

" _I should have told everything before."._

Not only the Noah was traveling with Walker… As she didn't remember anything. She didn't know _who_ she really was.

" _This is a bit complicated"._ The cat reflected, but scratched the roof lightly with the notion that the Noah had helped Walker merely because it was _Walker._ Even if she couldn't remember, it wasn't something that pleased the Noah of Lust.

However, he mission here was over and done. Some akumas of low level had been exterminated, but it didn't matter. She still watched them going up streets, aware that they were going back to the inn and that Walker would probably try to get out of town still tonight.

But the Earl's orders had been clear. She was here to get information. Just that.

" _Very well"_ She thought, though not very happy about it, giving her back to the scene and jumping to another roof. It was time to go back and give her report.

 **XxX**

In the Inn's room, Raz was in silence.

As always, her face didn't denounce any emotion, occult in the veil of calmness. And even if after all those days together (which now seemed too few for Allen to feel safe), he had become used to it, now he didn't know how to react or what else to say.

It was as if, in mere words, they were back the night she had woken up.

She had been sitting in the bed until a while ago with him, as he tried to wrap her hands. With the light of room over them and running through each cut, the details flaunted as flowers of blood, the wounds were even worse to look at… But Allen had seen worse and while he tried to clean them, he thought that they could heal soon.

He knew the Noah's resistance.

Now, she was standing in front of him, just observing. Hands, involved by white gauzes, fallen at the side of her body. And Allen, also standing, had no idea what she was thinking about or planning to do…

Back in the street, he had started to explain the nature of akumas (when he said that was what those things were called, she had muttered " _I know"_ and Allen had asked if had remembered something. Raz denied, saying she merely knew their name, somehow), then telling about the Earl, Noah and then, at least, about the Innocence.

She had made some expected questions, about akumas as well as Innocence and the feathers on his arm. Allen limited to say that his Innocence was going through some troubles (it wasn't all a lie). She had also asked why they had been choosing some random city to go and if he intended to go (or even _take her)_ to the Order.

Allen had said that he didn't and that he couldn't go back there, hoping she wouldn't dwell on that particular subject. Maybe Raz had noticed this or just conformed herself, for she had accepted the explanation with no more questions and he had left Apocryphos and details of his current situation deep down his throat.

It was already too much for her to assimilate at once.

And he didn't want to turn those words into sounds.

Now, Raz just observed him.

"Why?" She asked so low that Allen almost missed it.

"I'm sorry, Raz, I'm really am… I know I should have told you before, but I…" He had been afraid she would attack him and he hadn't been fit for a fight. And he had had no idea of even how to begin telling her all that. Unsure of how much he could trust her to not…

However, the girl was shaking her head, her eyes never leaving him. That wasn't what she was referring to.

"Why didn't you _kill me?"._

Of all the questions, that was one Allen had not foreseen. But now it had been spoken, it seemed an obvious one. He was an Exorcist, she was a Noah. According to all he had just told her, they were supposed to be _enemies_.

"I… I _couldn't_. You didn't… _Don't_ , remember a thing and you haven't done anything" _Against me_ wasn't needed to be said. And Allen knew his reasons would have made several members of the Order to cry out in indignation.

"And I wouldn't do it now" He swallowed hard and it was a strange thing to say to someone who was of the same (Species? Kind? Race?) clan of the man who was trying to annihilate humanity. "Unless you tried to kill me, then I would defend myself.".

But it wasn't the same thing.

Or was it? Had any of the other Noah approached him wanting to _talk_ , would he attack them? He knew he was _supposed_ to. It was expected of him as an Exorcist, _damn_ , it was expected from _them_ to try to _kill_ him and it wasn't as if their intentions were far from that! (Or, now, to capture him so the Fourteenth would take over his body, he did bet).

" _But you did play cards with Tyki"._ Yeah, that seemed like a lifetime ago and it had been mere chance to meet a Noah in such circumstance. " _And he helped you. Road took a blow for you. And she always speaks about how she loves you"._ But had she done this for _him_ or for Neah?

(Plus, yeah, they had done that, but Tyki had destroyed his arm and put a Tease inside him to kill him slowly and Road had pierced his eye with a hot candle, not to mention the whole deal with Kanda and Alma and the Third! He wouldn't start to paint them in a lighter, false light, just because of later events!).

Raz tilted her head to the side, in the way a dog does.

The idea seemed… Senseless. Maybe it was her lack of memories or the fact Allen had been with her since she had woken up, teaching her, but…

"I have no reason to do so" She said as to him as she did to herself, remembering that sensation of the alley. Was that normal for the Noah? When she spared attention to the idea, she realized it didn't matter at all.

Because she didn't want to hurt Allen.

"If you don't intend to hurt me…".

"No, I don't." The boy answered. As he hadn't told her all that had happened to him, he hadn't told her how he had found her as well, but this question was far from being the most prominent one in her mind.

"So I have no reason to hurt you…" Raz ended, as if it was something simple. She did feel there was much more that Allen was omitting, but as before, the girl didn't want to pressure him. Plus, it wasn't time for such, for what he had said, the chances of the "Millennium Earl" (there was something about that name, something that had nothing to do which what he had told her, but Raz was unable to identify if it was a physical sensation, emotion or even its nature) or any other Noah appearing after that attack were extremely high.

She had no idea why they were after Allen, but… Well, if he was an enemy, wasn't that enough?

"Do you have any idea where we're going to?" She wondered, arranging her backpack on her back. Upon arriving, the first thing Allen had done was to go to the keeper and explain that they would be leaving in some moments, paid the bills, before asking for gauzes and medical supplies to help with Raz's hands and his own wounds from the fight. They still pulsated, though with less intensity.

"Any town works, there is no time to be picking" Allen stopped, realizing he didn't want to leave Raz… The idea felt now strange, as if there had been moments in which he had forgotten _what_ she was and how things were supposed/expected to be between them in the stage of that war.

He thought about how they had talked in the square about where they were going to and how during the week, they had discussed what they would need in their trip and the occasions he had explained to her things that she had never seen before…

But Raz had questions for which he had no answers and the other Noah did. There was no doubt she wanted to know who she really was and now that she knew there were others like her, and that one of them surely would know her…

Wasn't it the most natural to want to meet them?

" _They are her family…"._

The thought created some sadness in him, as he remembered _his_ family.

Once again, he got rid of the thought. Not now, not now.

"I… Raz, I don't want to force you, okay?" He said, managing to hide how the idea upset him now that it had made itself know. "If you want to stay here and meet them." It would be so easy. The akumas calling her, the Earl probably already knew… The answers would be within her reach and so easily.

Raz stayed in silence.

She knew well what Allen meant.

There were so many emotions in her before that idea of staying. The natural curiosity, not only about herself, but about the other Noah too. The chance of finally learning who she was and all she had forgotten. To understand _what_ she was. And there was something deep in her, too deep to be just a physical thing, which felt as… Oh, she wasn't sure. Missing? Crying? She _didn't_ know!

For a while, she avoided Allen's eyes.

Did she want to stay?

What she wanted was the _truth._

Again, not just about herself, but the whole situation. She wanted to understand things, to remember what she had forgotten…

But…

She shook her head.

And for the first time since her waking, there was a smile.

It was small, almost delicate (clearly she wasn't sure she was doing it right), the movement suave as a wave of mist.

"Don't _we_ have a train to catch?".

Those truths, she could search with Allen.

After all, he seemed to be searching for something himself.

Without waiting for answers, Raz merely gave her back to him. Allen stood sill for a second, but held a laugh. Part of the weight of his body faded and the perspective of the long journey ahead became less bitter.

" _It seems I really found myself a fellow traveler."_

* * *

 **Ana: Uhm... Hi?**

 **Allen: There you are! Where have you been?**

 **Ana: I moved. It was hell. And the internet took this whole time to connect in the new place. Sorry! But, yeah, we're back now and here is the new chapter.**

 **Raz: Did you have to do this to us? Do you know how much my hands _hurt?_**

 **Ana: Yep. I know.**

 **Allen: She doesn't even care, does she?**

 **Wisely: No, she doesn't.**

 **Ana: Hey! What is up with you Noah coming here? You're not supposed to meet Raz yet!**

 **Wisely: Hello? Already did. I have the memories of the past, stupid one. By the way, wasn't Neah asking if he is your favorite? Where do _I_ get in this?**

 **Ana: What? Since when this place is "Let's Vote Our Top Favorite Noah Characters"?**

 **Tyki: Did someone called me?**

 **Ana: Oh, for the love of... I have a better idea! READERS! Tell us which ones of the Noah are your favorites ones! Tell us at least six!**

 **Wisely: What about you?**

 **Ana: I'll tell you next chapter...**

 **Neah: I'm so gonna win this.**

 **Tyki: Keep dreaming, if you want! Anyone knows I'm the favorite of the readers!**

 **Ana: Oh, my god, would you BOTH quit it?**

 _ **oHo:** I'm so glad you liked Raz, especially since you usually don't go for Ocs! _

_Raz (blush): I... Well... Thank you..._

 _I can get that, I've read so many fics with Mary and Gary stus... This is what turns me off when I try reading a Oc fic._

 _Neah: See, see? Everyone knows I'm just the best. People love me. -charming smile- I thank you for this, I..._

 _Ana: Do I need to call an ACTUAL exorcist around here? Stop possessing Allen!_

 _Neah: It's what I gonna do in the end anyway._

 _Ana: You do know that if you succeed in this, I can bet ANYTHING you'd lose all your fans._

 ** _Ryuakilover:_** _Weeell... It wasn't this time, but yeah, the Earl will be hunting them down. I can't say anything, since I'm still following a bit of the manga, but their meeting is inevitable._

 _Allen: Why people want me to go with the Earl? He wants to kill all humans!_

 _Ana: Because he is another Noah everyone loves and the Order gained some serious bad reputation after classifying you as an enemy after all you did (I was so furious when I read that part in the manga)._

 _Allen: But... But he is the villain! He makes akumas! He is cruel!_

 _Ana: ... Your point?_

 _Allen: I'll never understand you._

 _Ana: I confess I'm a Noah!Allen lover too! It would be so awesome if Hoshino did that! Here in the fic, well, sadly I can't say if this is what will happen or not. As for pairings, while this is not Allen/OC... YES! There WILL be pairings in the future, I just won't tell because I consider it spoiler._

 _Raz: I suddenly have such a bad feeling..._

 _Allen: Wait, will I be in any of those pairings?_

 _Ana: Oh, darling... Of course you will!_

 _Allen: Suddenly I feel cold._

 ** _jy24:_** _It was more a piece of Apocryphos that he left in Allen, but sadly, he can't avoid Apocryphos forever. Or the Earl for that matter._

 _Raz: Am I right to assume that our journey will not be a simple, calm one?_

 _Ana: Let's be honest, what do you expect?_


	5. Act Five – Scars of Darkness

" _Your memory is a monster; it summons with will of its own. You think you have a memory, but it has you." – John Irving._

 **Act Five – Scars of Darkness**

Though they had passed by the station and observed a map with possible destinations, the anxiety to leave now acted as a poison preventing them to make a final decision.

Raz was well aware that she wouldn't be of any help whatsoever and Allen had once again entered the mindset that all destinations were pretty much the same, offered nothing and therefore, lost their value.

Some minutes after leaving the inn, he had ended up vomiting. His stomach still had flames that spread through the blood, going up his head and generating occasional waves of heat in his brain, making it dizzy for some seconds. Raz had been at his side, worried about that reaction she not only didn't know for sure what was as she didn't know for sure the cause. Allen however was convinced it had been due to the feathers (helped by stress).

The station wasn't with a lot of movement this night. The moon lit up the sky with pale life and after the fight, the night had a sensation of coolness, the predominant scent being of gravel and earth. In the spot near the platforms they were, stone's pillars raised to the ceiling and they studied a map in a wall, following lines with their eyes and reading cities' names. Not that there were many options.

The blueish-stone eyes of Raz followed the cities one of the trains passed by before reaching the final destination and turned to Allen.

"Do you know any of those places?".

"Some" Allen nodded, pointing a black dot in the map. "I've been here before once, but it was a long time ago… I guess we should go as far as we can." A shadow of idea started to take shape in his mind, but the birth was incomplete, suffocated by hurry and nervous. He couldn't stop spying with the corner of his eyes around, all the time expecting and fearing to see any member of the Noah Clan (bad) or the Earl himself (worse).

"It doesn't seem we can go very far" Raz commented, uncertain. At least by looking at the lines, it didn't feel that way, but then again, what notion of true distances did she have? That city had been all she knew (literally) of the world. For a second, she wondered if the other Noah would find out where they had gone, but she pushed the idea away. How could they?

For the first time, she realized that she _and_ Allen were _running away._ Considering what he had just told her and how the Noah killed Exorcists plus the fight she had just witnessed, it was natural for _him…_ However, to her it felt a bit weird to try and run away from people she didn't even know… And who were probably just like her…

A shiver agitated the inside of her bones.

"Raz? Are you alright?" The boy asked, leaning to take a better look at her.

"I was just thinking." It wasn't a lie, she just didn't want Allen to worry. On their way to the station he had already asked her again if she truly wanted to follow him, not wanting to force her decision or to make her feel like she _had_ to go with him for whatever reason that was not born from her will. Maybe it _would_ be more logical if Raz stayed, but the only justification she had was that, well, she just didn't want to. Not like this. "Allen, I think in the end, any place works. We can stand here trying to decide for hours, but we can just pick any random city just as well."

"And we have no time to lose." He agreed, touching a dot in the map. "So let's just get out of here, then we can think about…".

"Are you two travelers?".

They turned, tension dominating muscles and blood without their control. But Allen relaxed soon, seeing it was a tall man he had never seen in his life and who seemed normal. It was the first time that _not_ seeing the symbol of the Order in someone's clothes made him relieved. And the conscious of this just increased the bitter taste in his throat.

And he didn't seem to be a Noah either.

"Yes" He said slowly as Raz studied the man with a total lack of emotion. The stranger, whose blonde hair fell in waves over his shoulders and wore an old brown hat, seemed to not mind their hesitation and shook his head, looking at one dot near the one Allen had picked.

"You'd better not go near Canterbury" He advised, sounding a little paternal and keeping a gentle tone, but Allen and Raz picked up a slight shiver in his voice not unlike a wave in a lake after we throw a stone. They exchanged looks and Allen asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but why do you say so?".

The blonde, whose name was Diego Kriezel, shook his head again putting his hands in the pockets of his long coat, though there was no coldness in the air and looked at the two. A white-haired boy of grey eyes with a strange scar on his face, one of his hands wrapped in bandages and a glove and a blue-grey eyed girl of the blackest hair with a blueish hint, whose fringe had been badly cut, several strands falling over her eyes. None of they had a very healthy appearance which made Diego wonder what their story would be. It was not uncommon to find young people traveling from place to place in search of work and survival, with no one to look after them.

He had been one of those people himself. In his case, his father had left the house when he was young and his mother had withered away, fighting to raise her son all by herself. The man asked himself if their case was something along those lines.

" _This is fucking depressing."_ He reflected.

"You wouldn't believe it. But I meant it, friend's advice, you shouldn't go anywhere near that city. It hasn't been safe lately".

"You would be quite surprised with what we believe" The girl muttered and the boy insisted with a firm tone.

"Please, sir, could you be more specific? Why do you say it isn't safe?".

Maybe the man had seen something in their eyes or just wanted to get free of part of what he knew by putting it into words and casting them in the air. In a way or another, he sighed and whispered.

"It isn't that the _city_ isn't safe, but… The problem is the woods near. I heard about people who went there and disappeared. I didn't believe" His voice was controlled, but the brown eyes trembled in the sockets, revealing fear. Diego took a deep breath before continuing, blocking images of his memories. "That was before I went there… No one would believe me, but I saw. There are monsters there. Some people still think it might be some bears" He shook his head, a bitter laugh lifting the corners of his mouth before the stupidity of the idea. "Bear, my ass. I couldn't see the thing very well, but I know it wasn't it. What kind of bear attacks a person and makes the body shatter?".

The last words came from his mouth too fast and the veil of control slipped, giving away a glimpse of traits of despair and dread. Even if he didn't know what this was actually about, Allen would have believed those eyes for no one would ever be able to pretend such a shock. And he knew what the man had actually seen and how lucky he was to be alive.

The man was right. It had nothing to do with bears. It was far worse.

"Do you have any idea why those things appeared?".

"I don't even want to know" Diego straightened himself. He didn't want to think about that, he just wanted to drown the memory with time to keep his sanity and he turned his eyes again to the black dot in the map as if it was about to spread a poison of some sort. "All I know is that I'm not going back there so soon… _And you shouldn't either._ I think those… Things, won't stay in the forest forever. If you need to travel, try another city" He pointed another dot. "Like here. Good place. Gentle people. If you need jobs, there is always someone in need of extra help".

"Thanks!" Allen smiled and gave small nod of gratitude and, because the man sounded so nervous, he added. "And for the suggestion. It _does_ sound like a better place".

"And it is" The man arranged his coat around the shoulders, studying them for the last time. "And I'm going as well. I just stopped because I didn't think it would be right to ignore when I noticed that you would be going too close to that damn place." He hesitated before turning his back at them, carrying his bag. "Well… Take care, you both".

As he walked away, Allen and Raz remained in silence.

"Are you thinking about akumas?" She asked, well aware of the answer. Allen didn't even look at her.

"Yes. You heard it. Monsters? Bodies shattering?" He turned his head to her. "Remember what I told you about bodies hit by akuma's virus? Maybe the ones that attacked us came from there, it isn't _that_ far" At least for them and even if it was, the Earl's creatures were a lot fast and the distance wouldn't mean a thing for them.

"What I _do_ remember is that today you fought some." She continued with seriousness. "Why _would_ we even go there, if we're running _away_ from those things?" The idea had no sense whatsoever. They should follow the blonde's advice and pick another destination (as far as possible, preferably), however Allen's eyes were hard with a resolution that Raz couldn't understand, no matter how she tried.

"Because the people there need help" It was the best explanation he could give for now. For a while, Raz seemed to not find a valid argument to counterattack the idea, even if it didn't sound any less dangerous.

"You said the Order has ways of hearing about this stuff, too" It was not a question, she merely expressed a simple and pure fact. "What if we get found out?" He had said it himself that he couldn't go back, which by the way it had been stated also implied he didn't want to be found by them either.

Allen hesitated. She was right, there was the risk of them placing their heads inside the lion's mouth. And even if the Order had not sent Exorcists there yet, the akumas would be enough. So why ignore the rational points of the question and insist in something so risky?

And… He had to admit, he felt responsible for Raz. He wouldn't be risking just himself… Wouldn't it be selfish of him to drag her along like this?

" _But wouldn't it be selfish to just think about our safety?"._

"My heart is of an Exorcist, Raz" He explained, repeating the words he had once told Lenalee, ignoring how they dragged a memory along that still hurt. "I can't ignore this, even with all the risks".

The girl shook her head with a sigh. Allen couldn't know if she agreed or not or even what she was thinking, all he knew is that he couldn't put aside what he had just heard.

"It isn't sensate. It isn't and you know it" She arranged the backpack's strap and crossed her arms, however her features remained serene and for a moment, it looked like she would try to smile again. "On another hand, I don't think they would expect us to just go after a pack of akumas. So let's do it.".

"I think some of them wouldn't be _that_ surprised" Allen commented, when his thoughts went back to his friends. He could clearly imagine their reactions and laughed to himself as the faces of Lavi, Lenalee, Krory and even Kanda came to mind. "Actually, I know someone who would probably call me an idiot.".

"Do not get me wrong…" Raz answered as they walked to a line to buy tickets. "But I'm not sure I would disagree.".

"Hey, you _agreed_ to this!" He reminded her with a smile, pretending to be offended. Raz didn't laugh, but the shadow of a shy smile got stronger and she shrugged.

"I didn't say I'm being sensate either" She risked a jest and there was curiosity when she asked. "Would this person call me an idiot as well?" Allen, who could bet it was exactly what Kanda would have said, nodded and was about to add something when the woman in front of them walked away and he asked for two tickets.

Raz, while it, wondered how would that person Allen just mentioned be. He didn't speak much of himself or the people he knew and she, out of respect, had made no further questions but even so, she felt a bit upset. With what, she didn't know…

 **XxX**

Moments later, in an empty cabin, they watched the train's road cut among the fields together. Despite how fast they went, they could see the trees shivering, a sea of dark green which waves could be imagined provoked by unseen monsters. Sometimes, an optical illusion created a kind of mist among the leaves that almost became one with the night sky.

Sitting in a seat opposite to the girl, Allen looked paler than usually, shoulders down and resting his head in the back of his seat.

"You look like you're going to be sick again…" Raz commented watching him. "Are you sure you're better?".

Allen nodded in slow movements. When they had entered an empty cabin and took their seats, he should have felt relieved, but the malaise had returned and though lessened in its strength it was still enough to make him feel as if the interior of his stomach was burning. Looking at his ghost-like reflection in the window, the boy saw that Raz was right: He looked as someone that had come down with a virus.

"I think I'll be better if I sleep a little." He commented before turning to her. "But later. I don't feel like it now" And he didn't want to spend any moment waiting to fall asleep, knowing they would be haunted by bad thoughts, so he would rather talk with her for a while. "You still must have a lot of questions, don't you?".

Stupid question.

Raz stayed in silence, reflecting about the offered opening. There was so, so very much that she wanted, _needed,_ to know, but the more _personal_ questions regarding Allen were casted away in the back of her mind… That night was dragging on and on with the slowness of nightmares and though tired, her body was unable to relax, lightening and images tearing her mind apart and opening hypothesis for the future.

She decided to start with simpler things.

"You never said anything about what happened to your arm" The girl indicated his black-red hand. He had said very little about the Order, a bit about the Noah and the akumas and Innocences (and still in a way that felt too basic. It was almost nothing, considering all there was regarding the subject), but at any point had he explained the white hell that had been that. Allen lowered his eyes, landing them softly upon her gauze-wrapped hands.

"Does that still hurt?" He asked with a whisper, remembering the terrible wounds cutting through skin and flesh as she grasped the feathers and pulled them out, as one would do to a weed that had grown inside someone's body. For a second, he thought about Tyki Mikk, who had been scarred by his sword and wondered if she would too.

"Not much…" Raz muttered, looking at her palms. The bandages seemed a bit darker, but there was no way of knowing if this was due to the illumination or blood seeping through. The pain felt as if asleep for now. "It stings and pulsates, but it's not the same…" There were moments when they throbbed strongly, and the cuts suddenly spread to inside her body with waves of pain, but they lasted just some seconds.

Allen sighed. He wanted to apologize for her going through this, but he could guess that if he did, Raz would just repeat that there was no reason to and so he decided to not diverge from the subject.

"I said I can't go back to the Order…" Allen started, uncertain and waiting for her to ask for more details. Until now, she hadn't made any questions of a more personal level and Allen was grateful for that. He didn't want to speak about himself or anything that could stir his memories… Not yet. The wound in his soul still felt too fresh and he didn't know if he would ever get used to that.

Once more, his thoughts went to the people he loved… What would they be doing now? He hoped Lenalee wasn't in trouble for having been the last one to see him, or Komui and the members of the Science Division.

Raz nodded.

"Well… The reason… No" He corrected himself, wanting to be honest. " _Part_ of the reason is that there is a… A being, chasing me. As far as I understood, his name is Apocryphos and he is an independent Innocence".

She tilted her head to the side, lost at what he had said.

"Wait, you said the Innocences need… Accommodators?".

It wasn't easy to explain something he didn't understand very well himself. And his personal feelings for that… Beast, didn't help the matter.

"He seems to be the exception to the rule…" He raised his arm. "Those feathers were his. He must have left them in me when he attacked me… I don't know much about him, just that he _is_ Innocence." He didn't say "sentient" as he knew Innocence to be more than a mere energy, which enabled a connection to their accommodators that would not be possible were them mere weapons.

Raz shook her head almost imperceptibly, her eyes never leaving his face.

"It sounds weird… But what would a thing like that want with you? You _have_ an Innocence, shouldn't you be allies?".

The very idea of being _allies_ with Apocryphos made Allen's stomach turn inside out and he remembered that creature holding him… The feathers piercing and entering his arm as part of his mind saw the being's memories, of him attacking Cross… And he heard, not in his remembrance, but echoing in his brain, that voice saying that Crown Clown also wished that they would become one, that he got absorbed… That this was for his sake…

A spasm made of disgust, fury, sorrow and fear ran through his body. Unconsciously, he held the wrist of his left arm… He could never believe that Crown Clown truly agreed with Apocryphos' sordid desires. _Never._

"Allen?" Raz called to him, hesitantly as she noticed his silence and leaning a bit forward. "Did I… Did I say something wrong?".

The boy smiled, but the gesture was merely a mechanic movement of muscles.

"No, no…" But she had seen a glimpse in his eyes, something as brief as a spark but whose nature was complex and… Perhaps it was her impression, but… It seemed twisted. Bitter. And painful.

She had no idea of the traits and nuances that mixed, of Allen's motives or what had brought him to this point, nevertheless right then she knew that it held nothing remotely close to simple or pleasant. How he could have such transparent eyes, to the point f giving away the impression that they were directly connected to a small window in his soul, the girl had no idea.

"You have too transparent eyes…" The muttering escaped in her voice before she could hold it back. She didn't know if this was a good thing or not. The sensation it gave her was that it left the person too… Too open and vulnerable. Could it be that Allen was always like that? But he always kept such a controlled façade during the games.

To Raz's surprise, he sighed and his smile became a bit more genuine, even if it was turned to the past, not the present.

"I've been told that before…" And hadn't it been Road who, in the first time they met, had told him he was too gentle? Maybe the fact he had helped Raz and taken care of her during those days confirmed it. But it didn't bother him. Maybe he had done that more out of selfishness and rebelliousness than compassion… Just to reaffirm that he was still _himself_. That he had his free will in this game of black and white.

"It isn't that you said anything wrong" Allen explained, after all Raz was just making a logical question. "But Apocryphos is not like the other Innocences." She nodded to indicate she had got that. "He hurt people I care about…".

His Master. Link. He could just hope that the young man would be fine, that someone of the Order had gotten there in time to help him.

"Besides that…" He hesitated. "What he wants is to absorb me".

" _Come again?"_ The girl hissed in a clear mix (maybe the first time her emotions were so clearly expressed) of repugnance, shock and incredulity. And Allen proceeded to tell her about his first meeting with Apocryphos, avoiding mentioning he had been in the Order's dungeons and that his rescuers had been Noah.

It was the first time he ever spoke of Apocryphos with someone. And somehow, part of his illness lost its intensity. At the end of his narration, Raz's mouth was half-open, and though this was the only indicative of expression, Allen could see beyond the veil of her eyes to notice other traits of emotions… For some instants, Raz seemed to not know what to say, as if her vocal cords had forgotten how to work.

"But the Order didn't _do_ anything? They didn't want to help you?".

Allen merely shrugged to avoid the question. The Order probably didn't even _know_ about Apocryphos' existence, but he had no way of explaining this to her without entering details that he felt best ignoring for now. At least for some time more, just some time more…

"This thing…" She growled. "It's _insane"._

Allen nodded in agreement and though his expression was tired, it was also typical of saying that she didn't know how right she was. He was insane. Insane, sick and cruel. What Apocryphos _truly_ was or wanted, Allen didn't know and, for now, wasn't sure he wanted to know. There were other subjects to deal with.

Not wanting to talk about that, uncomfortable with the sensation that the converse was waving towards a shore of questions he didn't want to talk about, Allen decided to change the course.

"That thing with the shadows" He said the first thing he thought about. "It was interesting".

Surprisingly, Raz backed off a bit, back against the seat, being her turn to be uncomfortable and held her hands, running fingers over her palms, eyes lowered.

"I don't even know what was that…".

"Well, all Noah have special abilities. That must be yours" Despite the gentleness in his voice, it wasn't as if he knew for sure _what_ Raz could do with that. All he had seen had been shadows moving and running over the girl's body, almost in a mantle of black mist.

Raz merely turned her blueish-stone eyes to him. He took that as signal to go on.

"I don't know about all of them, but… For example, Road is the eldest of the Noah" It was the first time he spoke about them individually. "She is called the Noah of Dreams, she can… Create a different dimension" It wasn't that easy to explain her power even if he wasn't going to forget that soon the first time he had met Road and what she had done to Lavi. It was one of those things it was hard to explain unless the other had also been through "And control it, trapping people on it or just their conscience.".

Raz seemed about to ask something, but changed her mind. Noah and Exorcist were enemies, if Allen had met them and knew of their abilities there was no way those had been pleasant experiences… The return of the notion that, in that war scenery, they were supposed to be enemies made her feel sick, as the memory of the sudden desire she had felt in the alley, of grabbing Allen's arm and break it, shattering all bones, reducing it to a fragile sack of skin and flesh, just so she could tear it apart with her bare nails…

" _No, please, stop that… Why would I want to do such a thing? Allen helped me until now…"_ Wherever she had been when he had found her, he could have killed her (God knew it would have been a natural and even logical reaction), but against what was expected, he had taken care of her, taught her… He had said himself that he had no intentions of harming her, so why would she want to?

Bit by bit, Allen told her about some other examples, mentioning Noah like Tyki Mikk (apparently, being Noah of Pleasure enabled him to choose what to touch) and a white-haired man whose name he didn't remember (telepathic abilities). Raz still wanted to ask how he knew… Well, sincerely, she wanted to know about the occasions he had witnessed this, but wasn't sure if there was pure curiosity or a kind of sadism behind this. Besides, Allen didn't want to talk about himself, that was clear enough.

Wouldn't it be cruel to ask him to tell her about situations that, no doubt, must have happened during battles?

Even so, the lack of context was _annoying_.

"So, understand, when you got in contact with those feathers of Innocence". The boy kept on explaining. "Your Noah gene must have reacted, due to the opposite energies… That was when those shadows started to move".

"But I didn't do anything with them" Raz insisted, never changing her position. "They just… Moved".

"Well, you don't remember" Allen considered. True that seeing that ink-black mist hadn't seemed something that would be useful in the battlefield, but Raz was still rediscovering her own nature (maybe that had started just this night). "Maybe you can do something more than just move them. It's too early to know and we were both too worried with the situation to focus in anything else. Back then it was just a reaction, but we can find more about it later. We…" He stopped his own words in that instant. He had been carried away and almost suggested that they could train together.

It was a plausible suggestion. He could help Raz to find out the nature of her abilities and it would be good to keep his training in check… But would it be sensate? Training with a Noah? The idea had bloomed like a flower with the notion that they didn't want to hurt each other… But this was for now. There was still a chance (not impossible and strong enough even now) that once Raz's memories came back, she would change her mind regardless of their time together. Or even that during the training, the presence of his Innocence would provoke her.

A bitter taste dominated every corner of his mouth, infiltrating in the nerves of his teeth. Allen didn't like that. And he didn't like that he would rather tell her about the other Noah than about himself either.

The talk soon had its course altered by both of them, who started to raise hypothesis about their destination and what could have been attracting akumas (Allen told her that if they weren't just in a killing spree so they would evolve, maybe there was an Innocence there). Feeling in this subject a more secure territory like when he told her about card games he had partaken in, Allen told her about his master and some akuma against which he had fought, including one he had destroyed while in his way to the Order for the first time, whose soul was of the sister of a cop he met.

After a while, Allen fell to his exhaustion which was mental as well as physical and finally fell to a deep sleep. Raz tried to rest as well, but there was iron in her body making it impossible to relax the muscles and her mind, though thirsty for sleep, was stopped by uncontrollable thoughts that tore it apart each time the girl tried to clear it.

Groaning in frustration, Raz raised her feet to the seat, hugging her legs and looking through the window as she rested her head on her knees. Scenes and explanation's fragments didn't stop, wild birds caged in her brain. Noah, Exorcist, the Order, that creature owner of the white feathers (the knowledge that they were part of Apocryphos and that she had touched it, that it had left part of himself inside Allen, was something so… So obscene that it made her want to puke).

For a moment, she looked at one of her hands.

Allen activated and controlled his Innocence merely with his will. Of course, it was part of him… That… Ability (whatever it was) was also part of her. When one wanted to walk, wasn't enough to want it? The brain didn't command, in a fraction of second, the rest of the body?

The principle should be the same.

" _Sounds easy, doesn't mean it is"_ Raz told herself, still looking at her hands before leaving them on her knees, thinking again in the shadows moving around, agitating themselves and some going up her shoulders.

Taking a deep breath, looking at a shadow in the ground, she wished that it would move.

Nothing.

She sighed to herself. Of course it wouldn't be that…

The dark in that spot seemed to wave.

Raz touched her lips with her tongue. No, it should have been an impression… But…

Without thinking, she thought about it expanding, still wanting it…

This time there was no shivering. As if it had more darkness than its size suggested, the shade expanded over the floor, devouring it. Despite the mist-like fragments that went up in the air, it looked like the ground was covered by a dense pitch.

Coldness took over every bone she had.

The shadows in the walls lengthened though her focus hadn't been on them, some in the shape of veins and some in fine straps that held into the walls, slithering in oily movements in several directions. The warmth of the cabin faded, lost its strength sucked by that darkness that consumed all… Some straps stood from the floor, as snakes before throwing themselves against the walls, the seats, almost producing a crack-like sound.

Raz tried to push them away, make them go back to normal.

Nothing happened.

Hungry, the shadows spread. The lake of darkness waved lazily and where was the floor? Straps went up the seat coming to a whip-like life, veins appearing and taking over the seat slowly enough to tease with the idea of nightmares, fast enough to be noticeable. There was a hiss of laughing serpents or this was in her mind?

Raz shrunk herself, a whimper dying in her throat. Pieces of mist poisoned the air thought the rest of the shadows looked solid. The walls were almost completely covered… Unaware to all, Allen still slept…

A black thread stood, grabbing the seat where Raz was. The oil-looking thing glistened under the remaining light, black veins spreading, approaching…

Raz closed her eyes, heart struggling inside…

" _Enough, please, enough, no more!"._

She expected to feel the touch of those things… At any moment… She knew she would…

Raz opened her eyes.

No shadows. No darkness. Everything was perfectly normal.

Her arms hurt and just now she realized she had dug the flesh with her nails. Upon releasing herself, there were small moon-shaped red marks on the skin.

What had been that? What had she _done?_

What if she hadn't been able to stop?

The idea made her insides throb. Some organs felt like they had changed places.

Allen still slept.

What if those shadows had touched him? What would have happened?

Noah and Exorcist were in opposite sides in that chess board. Their energies were two different things, as fire and water.

What if she had hurt him, even if she didn't mean to?

The marks in her arms cooled, as if missing the nails piercing the skin and, under it, her flesh shivered. There was more coldness being born in her bones.

Even if she was Noah, she didn't know what this truly meant. And she didn't know if what she had done now or the effects and consequences… Suddenly, the emptiness came back and she was merely a doll of cracked glass, a fake existence…

Her nails went back to her flesh in her need to feel some pain, trying to feel herself and confirm her existence. Still, the only real thing was dread.

She still could end up hurting Allen.

A bitter taste came up her throat and not for the first time in that night, Raz wanted to vomit, as if her own body wanted to get rid of part of itself.

And she felt distant from it all, an apart being, floating chained in the air, only able to watch the world without taking part on it.

 **XxX**

Golden eyes were fixated upon the woman.

When she concluded her report, the silence's nature in the room changed, being filled with the reflections of the others regarding all they had just heard. And the details were so far from all the scenarios and hypothesis that some had considered.

Wisely and Toraido showed no signals of what was going on in their minds, though there was a ghost of a smile in Wisely's features, that Tyki took notice without a surprise. Considering his mental powers and how he seemed to remember everything they couldn't, it would be only natural that he also remembered that Noah.

However, Tyki didn't imagine what would cause that expression in the white-haired man. Nothing of what they had just heard sounded _remotely_ funny. At his side, Sheryl was leaning forward, elbows in the table, fingers crossed up to his face with a soft smile… One might consider he had found the information amusing, but those who knew him also knew how to see the truth in his eyes.

Standing, being the current target of their attention, Lulubell had narrated everything she had heard and seen, focusing in the facts and not even once straying away. Once she was done, the Earl merely nodded and the woman sat down, face unreadable though the scene of the Noah helping Allen Walker was still quite fresh in her mind, just like a recent made burn.

"You serious?" Devit asked in a low voice that wasn't usual, twisting his mouth, body relaxed in the chair. "Are ya _fucking_ serious?".

Lulubell's body didn't move a muscle, but her eyes slithered to the twins. She did not approve their easy manners, but had never said a word most due to how she knew it would be useless. Only some members of the family, as Sheryl and Toraido, still seemed to believe there was a chance those two would someday learn how to behave with more dignity.

She merely stared at him, this being enough to remember Devit that she wasn't one to joke around, let alone with matters like that.

"The girl went and helped _Walker?"_ Maashima asked with his voice deep like a growl of a lion, yet soft as honey. A corner of his lips raised and he scoffed as holding a laugh and shook his head slowly. Sheryl intervened, though his amused words carried traits of the coldest _displeasure_.

"Come on now, for what it seems… The _poor little one_ doesn't know a thing" He shook his head and his _tsked_ with his tongue as if he was referring to a naïve child they should teach and guide, though they could sense what was underneath that. Some of the others wondered what had displeased (to not say down-right _enraged_ ) the Noah of Desire the most: The idea of a Noah helping an Exorcist (even if it was actually " _ex_ ") or a Noah helping _Allen Walker._

"No, she doesn't" Lulubell repeated, always objective. "Walker mentioned he " _should have told her sooner"_ when she asked him to " _help her understand",_ right after the fight." The Noah turned her gaze to their patriarch and leader, however the Earl hadn't said a word and it was hard to tell his feelings with that mask, even if it was made of flesh and more expressive than an _actual_ costume.

Some around groaned with the idea of a Noah _asking_ whatever it was to an _Exorcist_ while other's attention was chained to the fact that their new (or would it be old? After all she belonged to the previous generation) member of the family didn't even know _who_ she was. It wasn't the same of when _their_ genes started to wake up, even more because she had already been through this process.

The Earl's mind was caged in this second fact…

She had forgotten.

 _She_ had forgotten _everything_.

The fact she was currently traveling alongside Walker (he couldn't even imagine _how_ this had happened and wondered where she had been all those years) it wasn't something bad, for it would be easier to hunt them down together, however…

For some moments, old memories floated in his mind… Talks they had had, times he had spent with her and other Noah, when he had found her… But along those, there was a bigger one. One that felt connected to all other remembrances of back then which it devoured until it was the only one left: The memory of Neah murdering the others and trying to kill him.

And as it always happens with memories, this was a mental scalpel that reopened old wounds in the brain and soul that, in reality, had never stopped bleeding. And in this red river the sounds of water had voices of the past, his own lost in a cacophony of those that had been the previous Noah generation.

" _Neah, what are you_ doing _?"._

" _He… He killed Wisely"._

" _Why? Why is he doing this?"._

" _It has to be like this."._

" _No, it doesn't!"_

" _Please, just tell me what is going on"._

" _I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry…"._

She didn't remember.

Not him, Road or any of the other Noah she had met.

" _Neah… Could it be that you had something to do with this?"_ The Earl closed his eyes with a barely-held sigh. Lulubell's news had revived the sensation of loss.

"And how was she?" Fiidora asked with interest, while the twins still muttered to themselves. "How she looked like?".

"Dark hair." The thought escaped the Earl's mouth as though he didn't realize he was making it into sounds as the others' heads turned to him. "Gray-blue eyes.".

Lulubell nodded.

"The Walker boy called her… Raz" It was the first time the woman said the other's name.

The Earl held a chuckle and took a breath before his voice worked with gentleness laced with curiosity.

"Oh, what a most _unexpected_ situation, is it not?" He purred as he went back to his cheerful ways that would always give birth to shivers in the bones of the Exorcists that crossed his path. "Not only she doesn't know who she is but she is now traveling with Walker. Who could expect such an event?".

"How did _that_ happen?" Tyki asked expressing his surprise with all that he had heard, though now the perspective of hunting the boy down had become even more interesting and he hadn't thought that would be possible.

"Isn't that the great question, Tyki-pon?".

"Do you want us to go fetch them?" Devit suggested with a gleam in his eyes as his brother sat straighter, anxiousness dancing in his gold eyes but the Earl denied the request with a shake of his head, dispensing the idea with a wave of his gloved hand. The circumstances had turned even more delicate than before. The twins quieted down, though clearly disappointed with the refusal.

"Have some patience you both" Sheryl commented, his smile sending a clear message that there was no need of hurry. After all, soon the boy and the girl would be with them… _In a way or another._

"They must be gone by now, probably. And I cannot pretend _this_ has happened before" The Earl ran his eyes through the table. "I mentioned that we all thought she was dead. Thirty five years ago she…" The second of silence wouldn't have been noticed by others that were not his family. " _Raz,_ disappeared. We couldn't feel her presence in any way, so we assumed she had been killed by Neah. When your Noah genes started to wake up, we didn't even consider the same would happen with hers, so absolute her disappearance had been".

The Noah exchange looks briefly, imagining how it must have felt like to feel the disappearance of one of them with such intensity that the waking of the genes in another host had felt unlikely. And, however, Raz had come back… The logic followed directly towards something involving the Fourteenth, once none of them could recall the past events thanks to the wounds Neah had inflicted upon them so, therefore, something of this sort must had happened to the girl.

But to the point of making her forget _everything?_

Or had it been because she had not been killed?

"Do you think Walker will tell her the truth? He may very well lie" It would be useful if he could make her believe in whatever he wanted. To Toraido's suggestion, Tyki shook his head with a chuckle.

"The boy wouldn't do something like that" He knew Allen Walker well enough to deduce certain standard behaviors and decisions of him. "He will end up telling her everything, that's what he will. And if he haven't hurt her until now, I don't believe this is in his plans" Of course. In certain aspects, the boy was an open book: Allen wouldn't feel comfortable fighting someone in this condition… And taking in account the scene Lulubell had described, it didn't feel like the boy had met the other Noah this very night.

Torado gazed at him for a moment without an answer, which seemed to be some sort of acceptance of the Noah of Pleasure's words. It wasn't always easy to figure out what lied behind his actions, since his expression rarely betrayed his intentions.

"Do you think her presence will instigate the Fourteenth inside him?" Fiidora suggested, the shadow of his tongue agitating behind the teeth.

"There is this possibility" The Earl agreed. "But, as Tyki said, it isn't of Allen Walker's nature _to lie"_ However, this would take them to the initial decision of how to proceed.

"We revert to the original plan: Apocryphos will be hunting Walker" His voice was still amiable, thought there was a moment of despise when he mentioned the sentient Innocence before looking back to Lulubell. "Were those really his feathers? Or Walker's Innocence in brute state?".

"Apocryphos, without a doubt, master" The Noah answered immediately. She always called him as such, even if the Earl didn't actually demand such treatment. "He was incapable due to pain until Raz started to tear them out his arm".

Though they had heard this part already, Devit, Jasdero and Maashima made a scowl, the last almost growling. Wisely chuckled to himself softly and Tyki recalled of when he had faced Apocryphos briefly in the dungeons of the Order and how the bastard's feathers had pierced his hands… The Earl sighed as the mask occulted his true expression.

"Probably a piece of himself he let inside Walker so it would be easier to find him." Which didn't imply that now it would be _impossible_ , just harder. There was also the fact that Walker's arm may react again to his presence, as Tyki had told it had happened.

Raz had helped Allen, yes, but there was the chance that maybe she would chose to stay in the city to wait for them after hearing the truth? She would have questions (now more than never if Walker hadn't told her the truth already) more than never…

 _There was this chance_.

And… Well, even if she chose to follow the boy, in the end it made no difference. Maybe it could be quite drastic to bring her back by force, as it would be needed with Allen, but in this case all that mattered… Was the result.

As anxious as he was to have Neah and Raz at his side again, he knew the appearance of Apocryphos demanded more attention now. It had been 7000 years since he had seen that bastard.

"What Raz did, after all, help _us_ as well." He sniggered lowly, for even if they could use Walker to attract Apocryphos, it didn't mean he appreciated the idea of that creature having any advantage.

"Earl?" Sheryl called. "Who she _really_ is?".

All noise and sound died as silence was born and when the Earl spoke, his voice was a whisper too delicate to break it completely.

"Raziah. The Noah of Loneliness".

The others didn't say anything to this, absorbing the information as their leader gave a smile.

"Well, let us be _merciful_ and let our _new family members_ rest for this night".

Tiny black cracks seemed to appear in the corner of his eyes that gleamed behind the glasses in golden pools. Eyes of a predator, aware that the prey cannot escape and has its fun watching it struggle.

"But _just_ for this night.".

 **XxX**

The dawn colored everything it touched in liquid golden. Though it was too early to tell, there was the promise of warmth in the sun that entered through the window and warmed Allen's face up. There was comfort in this, almost as a memory that escaped his mind and became physical… Not in words and images, but sensation.

He moved around a bit, aware this was not a moment of the past coming alive once more and that he needed to stand and leave since they should be in the right station already. If he didn't, someone would just come and call him anyway.

Stretching his shoulders and spine, he straightened himself. Despite how a dream had left a bitter trace, somehow, in a strange way, he felt a bit better, refreshed inside, the sleep having washed away the bad sensations of last night (even though he knew they were still inside him, a poison waiting the time to act again).

In front of him, Raz slept.

She was shrunk in her seat, legs against her chest, forehead touching the window. At the first look, she seemed calm enough but Allen didn't need a long exam to see that this was not the case. Her breathing was fast, one of her shoulders twitching in a tick and, while he watched, her lower lip shivered in a silent whimper.

Imperceptible signs to others, but he saw them as cracks in an open field.

She was lost in a nightmare.

Another whimper, too low to be noticed if Allen wasn't paying attention, the sound of a small animal losing its strengths as it is slaughtered.

She shriveled a bit more, as if wanting to disappear. Her nails dug the gauzes, lifting some threads, opening them.

"Raz" Allen called, shaking her shoulder. "Hey, Raz, wake up!".

He called her once more until her eyes opened with a shock. For an instant, a golden shadow ran over them and Allen could see some remains of fear that started to fade when the Noah realized where she was.

"What the…" She muttered before looking at him and rubbing an eye. "Oh. Good morning… Have we arrived?".

"Uh-hm. Are you alright? You were agitated…".

"Hm?" She hesitated, but she knew she had felt dread while waking up, along with some ill sensation. "I guess I had a nightmare…" She scoffed a bit with a chuckle upon realizing what she had just said. Of course it had to have been a nightmare, she had been _asleep_. What else would it have been?

"About what?" Allen wondered, tilting his head to the side. Maybe she had dreamt about the events of last night? The girl became very quiet, soon denying with a movement of her head. She did not remember. Even the dread was now fading, along with any other sensation.

"I don't remember. Let it go…" Raz muttered, picking her bag up and not wanting to try and remember something that had caused such feelings. "Well… What do you think? Do you want to search for an inn or just walk around the town first?" It wouldn't be a bad idea, she was quite hungry and they didn't have much food in their backpacks. Maybe they should also buy some for the rest of their travels now.

As they left the train, Allen became thoughtful.

"Actually… Are you okay? Or are you still tired?".

"I'm fine, why?".

"I was thinking that we could take a look in the forest after eating something…" Allen muttered, aware he could come across as too hasty, but couldn't help it. He felt well rested and even though there had been such a fight last night, the perspective of having _something_ to do besides just wandering in bars and get money… It was too tempting to be ignored and it brought an excitation that was more than welcome.

Raz gazed at him quietly.

"I know, I know, we just arrived and it's too early" He started to explain, but Raz shook her head again.

"Heart of Exorcist, hm?" She repeated what he had told her and shrugged. "To me, whatever. Isn't this why we came right here in the first place?".

Allen smiled.

"Good. C'mon, there must be a place nearby to get breakfast." He commented. "So, what did you think of your first train ride?" Actually, Allen wasn't that surprised that Raz had had a nightmare. He could recall his own… He had been in a mist-filled place, behind a huge glass wall. Out there, people walked, talked, passed by him without seeing him… Allen cried and called… But they all just went on their paths. Even when he hit the glass, nothing happened. He was still there, behind it, away from those people, even those that were his friends, his family… And bit by bit, they disappeared in the cold mist and he remained there…

At some point, the dream has faded to the end of his mind and, if he had dreamt something else, he couldn't remember.

"It was… Interesting." Raz told him in a controlled tone. There was no desire to think about the shadows… Or in what she had done… It was just one more item in the long list of things she did not comprehend, so the girl would rather push the thought away. At least now there was more to be done. "But tell me, how are we going to find if there is an Innocence here or not?".

Walking around the station, they both looked around in search of some small café or something of the sort. This city was not a big one, but still bigger than the last one and people around walked by without a worry while others checked their tickets.

Allen caught sight of a small snack bar inside the station. On the tables nearby, some people drank coffee as they read newspapers or just watched the movement around. A couple giggled to each other. A man with glasses read a book, a cup in his hand and a small plate with some snack on his table. It didn't seem like the city was facing trouble due to monsters, but after many missions, Allen knew better than to judge.

"Ah, it won't be _that_ hard, believe me. We will just have to ask around." He explained as they stood behind a woman making her order. "Usually when there is Innocence, strange phenomena can happen too. That man back at the station said the akumas are appearing in the forest, right? Let's check that out.".

They picked a small menu, examining the options as they talked about their money saved for such occasions. Allen opted for several mitarashi dangos as Raz decided for something she had already eaten before and picked a cheese sandwich and some small pieces of meat.

Once seated at a table under the sun, Allen asked her.

"Hey… Raz?" He was aware he would be mentioned a delicate subject, but it needed to be brought up. "How do you think we can… Help you remember?". The question was just a door to the subject, he knew there was a limited number of options. That if there was any besides the obvious one: Talk to the other Noah.

The girl availed him for some seconds, unsure if she wanted to talk about it. The memories of last night, specially the shadows and the white feathers, tore her mind apart once more and turned her nerves into ice despite the sun.

"I don't know…".

Allen drank a bit of his coffee as he thought about his next words. Raz's words regarding the transparency of his eyes came back to his mind and held a laugh. The girl meanwhile took a bite of her sandwich.

"It's that I don't want to drag you with me by force…" Her eyebrows rose at his words, but there was no interruption. "And I know you want to remember, but I don't know how to help you." It wasn't fair that he tried to solve just his situation. Raz, however, shrugged.

"I want to. I want to know who I am…" Not only who, but also _what._ Even with the fear, she wanted to recall everything. "But…" She hesitated, needing to think about the words to use to transport her feelings. "Everything that is happening now, this war, the Order… Since I'm a Noah, it means I'm involved anyway right? Like you" She smiled, that serene smile that was almost a wave in crystal mist. "So, in a way or another, I'll find out.".

Allen wondered if this was her way of saying that it was alright that they went after akumas instead of trying to find out how to investigate her past… But how would they even do that? Raz didn't know even her last name or any other thing that could be helpful. Even if he thought about it, Allen could see just one solution…

Suddenly, his mind drifted to Neah… And how he had thought about how all he was doing was to hate without even knowing everything regarding the Fourteenth.

He pushed those ideas away, at least for now. What they had to now was to go to the forest nearby and check if there were really akumas around there. And if there was a reason.

 **XxX**

While one or two people said they were unsure regarding the rumors, the majority of the others they asked for information gave the same answer: They shouldn't get even near that place, the best to do was to keep distance. Some said the same thing the man back in the station, that there had been bear attacks lately. A woman working in a clothes store told them she feared the bear could be sick, maybe with rabies.

"It's no place for you" The old man they were currently talking to growled, staring from one to another and waving his skinny hand. "I know young people thin' they can do averythin' and have more curiosity than a kitten, but you asked, so I'll tell ya: Stay off the woods.".

It would have been an unpardonable cliché if the man's eyes were not so sharp.

"Do you think it is a bear, sir?" Allen asked with the same innocent expression he wore when asking a group if he could join their card game. Raz kept her usual veil of serenity.

"Bear, yeah, right" The old man muttered, lowering his gaze for the first time. Yet, it only last a second and those eyes were back on them. "I dunno if it's a bear and you shouldn't think 'bout that." What, to Allen, was a disguised way of saying that he didn't believe this particular rumor. "You two shouldn't be lookin' for trouble, nuh".

" _Too late"_ They thought at the same time, needing effort to avoid exchanging glances. The man ran his hand through his grey hair, evaluating the two with blue eagle-eyes. There was no weakness or shivering in any of his movements.

"Has anything else happened, besides those attacks, sir?" Raz asked and the old man repeated what they had heard before: The lights. Apparently, since some days ago, once in a while in the late of night, lights appeared. Suave, people had told them, appearing at some point between the top of the trees and spreading as a colored and semitransparent mantle.

"It is nothing that hasn't happened before" The old man said. "Saw those lights m'self once when was a kid, but it lasted only three nights. And they didn't cover so many trees as now".

Raz didn't need to ask or look at Allen to comprehend that this sounded like something related to Innocence. Why it would cause something like that, she didn't know and didn't think it mattered. Allen was about to smile and thank the man for his time and information when he was hit by those old eyes.

"Listen here…" The man leaned to them, whispering in a tone which meaning they couldn't decipher. "What the devil are you two doin'? Two youngsters like you only with backpacks, askin' about this stuff…" He shook his head as if seeing them wasting their lives was not something that _bothered_ him, but disappointed and saddened. "Don't know where you came from, but should search for a job… Settle down in a place, try to have a decent life, instead of travelin' around without a place to even fall dead.".

Allen had heard such advice of this nature (though more frequently in different tone), just as he had already heard comments about vagabonds or abandoned children and his response was an automatic smile, thanking the man's advice and for his time before he and Raz just left.

And now, they were right in the woods. Though the said lights just appeared during the night, it didn't mean a thing: Akumas could be searching the place at any time. Some people had even mentioned disappearances… Both had seen behind this definition. They had not "disappeared", they were dead and their bones had turned into dust in the wind. They wouldn't ever be found. Their bodies wouldn't ever be buried.

This was a closure their families and friends wouldn't ever have.

Another man had confessed he had been there with a search party and insisted he hadn't seen a thing, but Allen had been assaulted by the strongest sensation that it was a lie.

Not that it would surprise him. Most people didn't go around commenting about akumas to anyone.

"The old man commented that he saw those lights before…" Raz started as she looked around, sunlight spilling itself on the leaves and dripping in the grass and stones of the ground. "Why did it start again now?".

"I have no idea" Allen answered. He had told her before about some missions and Innocences found. "Sometimes those things happen without a reason. Or at least some we get to know." Raz seemed to simply accept it.

Allen was about to say something more when they reached a point in the woods and his eye reacted, becoming black and red.

At the same time, a huge noise fell over them, echoing in the trees and making the leaves shiver.

"This way!" The boy ran in a certain direction, followed by the Noah girl. He was too far to see, but he could feel and could hear the souls crying. This was a sound that, despite low, was above all others.

They ran, jumping over fallen trees and rocks. At each step, they could notice signals of destruction without stopping for a better look. Trees had been taken down (some had dark marks, as if something had burnt them while others were torn apart in the middle as mere twigs) and the few that hadn't grew tall, their branches touching and crossing in the air in a web of thin wood and leaves above their heads.

They were quite deep in the forest.

The noises increased, mixed sounds from which they could capture traits… Things hitting, laughter, screams and roars.

Among the vegetation, they could see large figures moving around. There were more fallen trees in this part, pieces of earth seemed to have been taken off the ground or stomped somehow.

In a clearing that hadn't been made by nature, with large trunks lying here and there as bones of some dragon, there were three akumas. One was a Level Three, the others had shapes that would bring nightmares of insanity to shame.

However, it wasn't that what attracted the attention of Allen and Raz.

What did were the people fighting.

Innocence Accommodators, no doubt.

They _didn't_ wear the Order's uniform.

The shock of the unexpected froze both of them for some seconds as one of the people (a man) jumped to the side of one of his companions and helped in the attack against one of the akumas, a humanoid-like being whose members were thin and long as snakes… In its chest, there was a salience alike two human faces interconnected as conjoined twins, mouths open in a silent cry.

The Level Three akuma, meanwhile, attacked another person who tried to defend, but was thrown against a broken tree, hurting their back even without losing the balance. Someone screamed, the sound getting lost in the cacophony of growls, laughs and attacks.

"Stay here" Allen told Raz before activating his arm and running to the Level Three as it positioned itself to a new attack. Its laughter mixed in Allen's ears with the mournful cry of the soul caged in it.

"But…" Raz wanted to protest, but remained where she was. Her nerves were thorns, however what could she do? She had no Innocence and didn't even know how to use whatever ability she had, didn't even know how to work with it…

In that moment, she felt useless and hated herself for it.

A shadow slithered by her feet, a black snake coming to life. The vision of what had happened in the train pierced her mind apart, running through her nerve endings and the girl immediately took a deep breath.

The Level Three roared in surprise, hate and pain when Allen's sword hit it. A clamor of a bell echoed, silencing everything for some seconds as the white-haired boy landed at the side of the person who had been threw against the tree. It was a girl and she was shocked, but when the akuma moved towards them, she ran to it… For a moment of insanity, they seemed two friends happily meeting again.

A ray of light appeared when they crashed. Allen, not stopping to watch, attacked another akuma. As a spider pierced, the thing let out a roar-like scream and his claws tried to hurt Allen, but it was too late.

Among the chaos, its substance undid itself and there was a whisper only Allen was able to hear.

" _Thank you."._

He turned back to the girl and the Level Three Akuma. In that _danse macabre,_ she panted, never stopping trying to hit it, but the thing was faster and while it avoided her, it moved a kind of thorn-full member. Allen saw a strange greenish light in the girl's hands while she tried to punch her opponent.

Another person of the group tried to help, but the akuma was too resistant. In the other side of the clearing, the man and someone else tried to keep the humanoid akuma away from the others. Allen went against the Level Three, cutting the branch-like appendance. The creature cried in indignation and moved away a bit, allowing the girl with shining hands to jump against it, hitting its chest.

There was a strange sound when she pierced it. Something metallic, but also soft and almost watery-like.

The akuma growled, but his branches attacked, sending the girl back in the ground and leaving blood drops in the air.

"DAMN YOU!". The person who had been helping her yelled. Allen stood in front of the fallen girl, using the white mantle to make a shield and seeing white things falling over the akuma as a rain of fire. The thing turned back to the person (another girl, Allen realized by the voice), its attention diverting from Allen and the other woman for now.

The boy took his chance.

There was a white thunder.

Screams…

And then, silence.

He turned back, but the girl was standing already. It weren't her hands that shined, but the blades that came out of her gloves, making Allen think briefly in brass knuckles. She looked too surprised to speak, but her eyes evaluated him up-down.

Allen noticed that in this fraction of seconds, she took in that he wasn't wearing the Order's uniform as well.

An explosion warned him that the last akuma had been destroyed. The other two members of the group approached them, eyes full of distrust.

The birth of the silence weighted over them all.

* * *

 **Ana: I think people anxious for the Noah to capture Allen and Raz are going to be disappointed in this chapter.**

 **Allen: I'm not. I'm actually relieved by it!**

 **Ana: Well… Yeah, as I mentioned, I planned this whole story during Hoshino's hiatus after Allen met the Earl (after Johnny joined him) so there will be many different things from the manga while I'll try to keep some…**

 **Allen: Please, tell me I won't be meeting the Earl earlier!**

 **Ana: I'm not giving anything away! But due to their plan being more focused in Apocryphos now, this may take a while but it doesn't mean they won't be keeping an eye on them. So, going for the reviews!**

 **Wisely: Aren't you forgetting a tiny little thing?**

 **Ana: Huh… Please, dear readers, give me more reviews?**

 **Wisely: No, moron! The favorite Noah list!**

 **Ana: Oooh, that… Why I have feeling this was a bad idea…**

 **Tyki (** _ **with a tease in his finger):**_ **My, my… It sounds like a good idea to me.**

 **Ana: Hey! This place is a mess already as it is, I don't want any organ-ripping happening and PUT THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!**

 _ **Allen – 2 votes and yes, I counted him as a Noah since the two people who voted also voted in him and his case is complex.  
Neah – 2  
Road – 2  
Tyki - 2  
Earl/Adam - 1  
Wisely – 2  
Lulubell - 1 **_

**Allen: But… But… I'm not a Noah! And I don't want to be one!**

 **Neah (** _ **possessing Allen):**_ **Ha! Told you I was people's favorite!**

 **Tyki (** _ **bowing**_ **): I must thank the readers for their attention.**

 **Wisely: And complementing their good taste!**

 **Ana: Uh… Hello? You guys know this isn't an Oscar party?**

 **Earl (** _ **wiping a tear):**_ **Even with the bad publicity of "villains", the readers still love us! Oh, thank you, young ones! I just wish Road was here…**

 **Ana: Excuse me?**

 **Lulubell: I… Thank the human who voted for me. I appreciate it.**

 **Ana: Et tu, Brute?**

 **Allen (** _ **fighting for control):**_ **Look, thanks for considering me a favorite, but I'm not a Noah!**

 **Tyki: But are in your path to be one! Rejoice this, boy!**

 **Allen: Am not!**

 **Ana: They're going to be on this forever…**

 **Wisely: So?**

 **Ana: Soo…?**

 **Wisely (sighs): God, how can you even… You have to give your list too! Do you have any brain inside your skull?**

 **Ana: Why everyone always insult me in those areas? It's always like this in every damn fic! Well… My top six, not necessarily in that order:**

 **Earl/Adam –** Let's be honest here, the Noah have great personalities. You may not like some, but you can't just ignore them. They aren't boring and this is important in every character. And he is a complex villain, not to mention he seems to act sometimes as a "paternal" sort of figure (for lack of better terms) to the other Noah. And… Yes, there are times he seems even a nice guy that you wouldn't connect to the akuma maker! I think he is one of those villains who are different.  
 **Sheryl –** I confess I think he is one of the most (if not _the_ most) scary of the Noah. Not only due to his powers, but also his mood. It's like you never know what will make him truly snap and even when he seems calm and smiling, there is for me such a cold vibe from him! At first I hated him, but later I started to like him exactly for how he can be. It's not the other Noah can't be scary, but even if you take Sheryl's power away, his personality can still disturb you.  
 **Tyki –** No comments needed, except his powers are also a frightening thing. Yet, he has that sort of "noble-vagabond" air. It's hard to ignore that personality. No matter what he does, he usually seems to be enjoying himself a lot.  
 **Road –** YES! One of those characters I hated at first with all my heart, thought her a sadistic little bitch, and yet… Why do I like her again? No idea, but I think she is such a cool character! It is a rule that Noah are creepy, but if stabbing someone _with a hot, sharp-ended candle in the eye_ doesn't at least make you shiver, I guess nothing will! Plus, to be honest, I think she is cute and I believe she truly loves Allen. I can't remember when I started to like her, I just did! What is with Noah having something about them that you end up liking them?  
 **Neah –** No. One. Says. A. THING! Okay? I admit, he is among my favorite Noah! There, I said it. Neah scored big, because I usually don't place a character among my favorites if I don't know him/her well enough and Neah (though appearing lately in the manga more) hasn't had much story time in my opinion. However, the few times he appeared, he hit the readers with all he has. However, I hope he doesn't end up consuming Allen (well, me and everyone else).  
 **Wisely –** Along with Neah he is in this list also because I like them more than the other Noah, but I would like if they had more time so the readers can get to know them more. I do like Wisely and like many Noah, I can't imagine how one would do if forced to face his powers in battle (in his case, it wouldn't be a physical fight, but a mental one).

 _ **oHo:**_ _Apo_ creep _, indeed. What is up with that thing? There I was thinking there wouldn't be anything else that would be disturbing in DGM and we get that thing._

 _Raz – Well, I didn't expect a creature like him, that's for sure._

 _Allen – Just be happy you didn't meet him. And… Oh, c'mon, why people want me to become a Noah?_

 _Tyki – Because they know we're awesome._

 _Allen – You kill people!_

 _Tyki – Oh, boy, you have to admit we're better than your so-called home._

 _Ana – Excuse me, this is not a conversation you're going to have now, much less here. I hope you liked this chapter too. I gave a small scene for Raz's abilities, but it seems she forgot even how to control it._

 _ **Ryuakilover:**_ _The answer to this is no. While for now I'm focusing in their trip, I'll deal with several other characters such as Kanda, Lavi, the Noah and all._

 _Lavi – Thank god! Can someone, you know, HELP me and the old panda?_

 _Ana – But if this story would have ONE main character, it would still be Allen. Raz is part of the story and there is the issue of her memories, but the focus is still on Allen and his search. Then there is also the whole deal with Apocryphos and so on._

 _Earl – For now, I have to use Walker as a bait, but I don't plan to leave them alone._

 _Allen – I think I liked you better when you wanted me dead…_

 _ **Jy24:**_ _Well, we can't deny they care for each other or Raz wouldn't have ripped Apocryphos' feathers and Allen wouldn't have been taking care of her until now. It isn't as if he hasn't enough in his plate._

 _Allen: And you're not going to make things easier, are you?_

 _Ana: No, where would the fun be otherwise?_

 _Raz: And people say the Earl is evil._

 _Ana: Oh, shush, you don't even know him yet. Or remember. Oh, whatever. I admit, picking only six favorites from the Noah is hard. As you see, I counted Allen as a Noah too. Even if he didn't like it…_

 _Tyki: Nothing to worry, give the boy time. Once he gets used to it, he will discover the pleasure of it._

 _Allen: First of, don't hold your breath. Second, did you have to say it like_ that _?_

 **Until next time!**


	6. Act Six – Long Paths, Crossed Paths

" _Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks" – Isaac Watts._

 **Act Six – Long Paths, Crossed Paths.**

The silence was a shroud of liquid iron, filling and involving everything in the clearing, not allowing any of the people to move. Even when Raz came closer to Allen, any sound her feet could make was devoured.

"Who are you?" The girl with the gloves asked, trying to keep a firm voice despite the fact they had just finished fighting akumas; her eyes, brown and almond-shaped, fixated in Allen. Her chest still moved quite fast as she tried to recover her breath, gloves emitting that soft greenish gleam of Innocence.

Allen hesitated, not needing to look to Raz to know that, underneath her apparent calmness, there would be a frozen distrust and he didn't feel much comfortable to introductions himself. Those people didn't wear the Order's uniform and didn't bear its symbol, but this didn't mean a thing.

"You're Accommodators" He risked, just to say something. The girl with the gloves, who had a multiracial skin didn't saw a thing, but the other girl who had cursed the akuma scoffed to herself.

"So are you" She said with an undecipherable expression, analyzing Allen from head to toe. She had a bow in her pale hands, a deep-blue object with curious carvings, but there were no arrows in sight. "But this is not an answer".

"Thanks for the help, of course" The first girl said quickly. Her black hair, with some strands that seemed to have a chocolate reflex under the sun, fell straight until making a wave with the ends turned inside, a bit under her shoulders. She hesitated, as if wanting to say something else when the man was faster.

"Are you from the Black Order?" He seemed to be the eldest of the group and very tall (Allen thought he should be as tall as Komui, if not a bit more and just a few years older) and had the darkest skin he had ever seen in his entire life.

"No, we're not." Raz told them, deciding it would be best to be honest, running her eyes through the people as she tried to evaluate the situation. The way the tall man had just made the question gave the impression they were not with the Order too and, sharing this sensation, Allen tried to confirm it. He remembered himself he had never seen those people and many exorcists had been reported killed by the Noah, very few remaining.

But the Order would certainly have informed them about other Accommodators, right?

" _And who can guarantee this?"_ A mocking little voice came from the depths of his mind, but Allen ignored it.

"You…" He hesitated, feeling it would merely take choosing the wrong terms and they would have another fight at hand, so he spoke slowly. "You don't seem to be part of it as well".

In answer, the girl with the bow sneered to herself, a shadow of a sarcastic smile adorning her face. She had long hair sliding over her shoulders and eyes of a deep green.

"And we're not" The last member of the group said shrugging, a blonde woman whose hair fell right over her shoulders in a channel haircut and who, up until now, had been quiet. "And if you're not with the Order, then who are you?".

"May I ask the same?" Allen inquired with a polite tone, tilting his head to the side. The last thing he wanted was a fight and, regarding those people, he would rather have information first. If they were not Exorcists (somehow, the thought moved what felt like an old wound in him), how could they have Innocences and know about akumas? This didn't make any sense.

They exchanged looks.

"How can we be sure?" The green-eyed girl wondered, but neither Allen nor Raz could be sure she was speaking to them or just with her friends. Upon hearing this, the black man shook his head without blinking and ran his hand through his long dreadlocks-like curs, eyes going from his companion to Allen and Raz.

"Well, how can _we?"_ Raz replied in a voice that couldn't be interpreted, not changing her tone. Allen changed the weight of his body from a foot to another, how many times must he be treated as a suspect?

However, Blonde started to laugh, hiding her mouth with her hand as the Brown-Skinned girl threw Green Eyes an amused look.

"Yeah, they caught you in this one, Ali" She commented with a smile. The gesture seemed to illuminate not her face, but her whole self and her voice was softer when she said. "Well, I don't know how to answer that. Anyway, I'm Lauren Ashford, this is…".

"Alison Rouwen" Green-Eyed introduced herself with a nod, before putting a strand of her grey hair behind her ear.

"My name is Samuel Kallen" The black man told them with the apparently always-serene tone, but his voice was deep and made Allen think about the purring of a panther or tiger. Blonde, of honey eyes, nodded in greeting.

"Elana Verenaris".

"I'm Allen Walker" While there was a part of him that thought it was too risky to say his real name, he considered that he had already taken all risks in showing himself like he had. He greeted them with a nod before gesturing to Raz. "And she is Raz". The Noah girl repeated his gesture without taking her eyes off the others, who greeted her as well. Samuel Kallen studied them with his black eyes.

"As Lauren said, thanks for the help. I thought those akumas would end us" He commented, turning his eyes back to his friends. Allen knew the marks of worry in that look, had seen them many times in his own friends or in a mirror. "I didn't think we would meet a Level Three".

"None of us did" Lauren sighed and shrugged, the gloves ceasing their weak gleam and the blades disappearing as if they had never been there. In that way, they looked like simple black gloves that left her fingers out.

"Are you okay? Your back…" Allen asked, recalling how she had been thrown against a broken trunk.

"I'm fine, it was nothing" She smiled and turned as to prove it. Broken pieces of the tree had cut her back, but there was little blood, even if Allen was quite sure he could notice bruises in formation. Or maybe it was just because he _knew_ they would.

"Nothing, yeah, right" Elana muttered as Samuel rolled his eyes. Her attention was back to Allen and Raz, as Alison examined Lauren's cuts and ignoring as she said there was no need for this. "And you? Are you two hurt?".

"We're okay" Allen answered, turning to Raz who limited herself to a nod in silence. For a moment, he didn't know if this was because she was always quiet with new people or if she was lost in her own thoughts, but his attention was more focused in knowing who those people were, aware that he didn't need to repeat his question. Samuel still studied them calmly, not letting a thing to escape in his expression besides serenity… Not that it seemed that the man trusted them, but he didn't seemed hostile either.

And not him, nor Raz, were surprised with this distrust.

It was expected.

"We came here because we heard rumors" Raz tried with caution, uncertain of how to start (or give continuity) to the talk. They were the first Innocence compatible she met besides Allen and she also felt the wrong words could lead to a fight. Lauren nodded.

"We too, we were just… Oh, Ali, stop that, I'm fine. We were in the city and we heard a woman saying she had seen monsters here and stuff." She sighed and turned when Alison finally stopped overlooking her wounds. "We came to investigate, but…".

"We found more than we expected" Elana completed.

"We heard about some lights" Allen told them. "So, we thought there should be an Innocence here. Have you heard about that as well?" The group nodded slowly.

"Yes, but we were thinking more about the akumas than…" Lauren looked to her friends, a new smile appearing while she placed her hands on her waist. "Hey, why on Earth are we all standing here? If we're going to talk, let's go back to the city!".

Before the others could say a thing, she walked as if going out the clearing and between the trees, gesticulating for the two of them to follow as well when, looking back, she saw Allen and Raz hesitating. Despite the lack of trust, they decided it was better to follow them anyway.

"You still didn't tell us where you came from…" Alison noted in a polite way, but serious as her green eyes remained on them. The bow now rested alone in a quiver of sorts, whose strap crossed her chest and had the same figures Allen had seen in the bow, complex and spiral-like images and runes in fine veins.

"We're travelers" He answered, which wasn't a lie. "We…" He meant to say they were not with the Black Order, but suddenly, his vocal cords refused to work so he had to take a deep breath before going on. "We're not members of the Order…".

He knew this was no proof whatsoever. They were mere words.

Alison remained in silence, a shadow going through her face. Elana, walking behind them, seemed more interested in watch out the woods in case there was more akumas hiding. During the walk, they kept themselves quiet, unsure of what to say or what to talk about without ending back to the main subject. Allen's thoughts ran through all he knew, trying to find some memory that worked as indicative to whom those people actually were, without success. They couldn't be Accommodators who had just found their Innocences by themselves if they knew about the Order's existence…

" _But they aren't allies of the Earl either"_ He reflected, moments of the fight appearing in his mind in brief flashes. His eyes went to Samuel, feeling the man observed him, but he avoided his gaze as soon as Allen turned his face. In that brief instant he saw those dark eyes, Allen thought he had seen something in them, but he couldn't be sure.

When the path became larger, signaling they would soon reach the city, Lauren turned to them.

"We haven't eaten a thing yet. Why don't you guys join us? As thanks for the help".

Allen looked at Raz, who merely raised her shoulders.

It was an occasion to talk and try to understand everything in anyway.

"Of course".

 **XxX**

The small restaurant was modest. During their walk of going in the woods and back, the hours had passed by without Allen realizing it and morning slowly had turned into day. It wasn't lunchtime yet and the local wasn't full, but soon people would arrive going to work or in the interval, children with their parents…

Opting for a table away in a corner, Allen and Raz sat in one side with Samuel, while Alison sat in front of the man. Elana and Lauren had gone to the bathroom, so the blond could at least clean the other's back. Allen had offered some of the gauze and serum he had on his backpack when Elana commented they should pass by the inn they were spending the night to cover the wounds with something.

After some moments, they were back. Lauren wore a coat over her shirt to hide the ripped parts. The wounds weren't as serious as they could have been, but she would probably spent some nights sleeping on her belly and her back would hurt for quite a time as well.

"Have you guys come here before?" Elana asked as she looked over the menu.

"No, we just arrived today" Allen told her, seeing no reason in lying over such a small matter. At his side, Raz remained in silence, just watching the conversation. Lauren told they had arrived a couple of days ago and, after hearing the stories about the forest, they had decided to check it out.

"We're always traveling too. Samuel and Alison had been here before, haven't you?" She asked before making her order to a waiter. Despite having been telling Allen and Raz they could order whatever they wanted, both kept their minds in their own savings even if the place wasn't expansive (perhaps the strange group also tried to not spend more than necessary).

Alison confirmed.

"It wasn't for long…".

"I've been here two times, more or less. But it was long ago…" Samuel commented before turning to Allen with a thoughtful air. "Excuse me, but you said you're called Allen Walker, did you not?".

"Yeah…" Allen felt wariness dominate his body, growing from his spine. He tried to tell himself there was no reason for this, but the sensation didn't go away. Could it be that Samuel had heard about him being the host of the Fourteenth? Or how the Order had classified him as a Noah? Maybe…

But the man's question surprised him.

"Do you know Marian Cross, by any chance?".

It was as if he had been punched right in his mind.

For a second, the boy didn't say a thing.

Samuel Kallen… _Knew_ Cross? He hadn't expected this and his mind, recovering, went back to the room with the bloodstained broken window… Raz's eyes were on him in an agile move, wondering what they were talking about exactly.

"Cross?" Lauren asked with a frown before snapping her fingers. "Wait, wasn't he that friend of yours?".

Allen couldn't hide his shock. Truth to be told, even if he had just met them, Samuel didn't seem at all like someone he would associate with his Master. The man leaned his head to the side a bit in a shrugging-like manner and with a smile that was almost childlike as he held a laugh.

"Well, until where someone can be his friend, I suppose…".

" _Or until the point Master is…_ Was… _Someone's friend"_ Allen corrected mentally and lowered his gaze to the plate the waiter had just brought to him, poking the food with the fork for an instant and Samuel's attention was on him again.

"Cross told me about you" He explained. "He spoke a little about an apprentice called Walker, but I was not sure it was you. How is he doing?".

Allen wondered when the Master had met Samuel and talked about him… The most logical was that it should have been between the time Allen had went to the Order and when they had met again in the Ark in Edo, otherwise, it would have been during the time Allen was traveling with him and he was sure he would have remembered seeing Samuel. He wondered how much the man knew or had learnt about Cross…

"He… He died".

Oh, but it wasn't just that, was it? He hadn't just died, but been murdered. Once again, the boy saw it in his mind, just as he had seen when Apocryphos had touched him in the dungeons. A cold wave that had nothing to do with fear or tension ran through his body, washing all in its way.

At his side, Raz watched with the corner of her eyes. Elana and Lauren exchanged looks, however Samuel himself was very quiet and just took some sips before loweing his glass, with seriousness marking his face and making his eyes look like the ones belonging to a hawk.

"Were the corpses found?".

"Hm?".

"The corpses" Samuel repeated in the same tone as the girls observed the talk, apparently not knowing what to say of this or maybe not understanding exactly what he meant too. "His corpse and Maria's grave".

"Well… No." The answer came slowly from Allen's mouth, but the amount of blood and what he had seen through Apocryphos' eyes acted as daggers, cutting any line that pointed to a chance of Cross having survived. Even so, upon hearing this, Samuel scoffed and shook his head.

"Then it is too early to say he is dead." Maybe noticing something in Allen's eyes, he nodded, emphasizing his words. "Believe me, speaking of him… You can only say such thing if you've seen his body" He took a moment to think. "On second thought, perhaps I would believe it _only_ after seeing his body being _cremated_."

Lauren and Elana laughed, the brown-skinned girl leaning her face in one of her hands as Alison rolled her eyes holding a smile. Allen thought about this… Cross' death had affected him more than he would admit out loud. Their relationship had never been very clear, oscillating too much through different sensations so he could find a firm ground to classify it, but the news of his death… Then Allen realized he had never thought about Cross _dead._

It wasn't that he deluded himself in relation to the fragility of the lives of those around him (and his own), but somehow Cross had always seemed, if not above it, at least someone whose chances of survival were higher than many others.

Was it really possible that he was still alive? Samuel's words carried such certainty that, suddenly, Allen wanted to believe it. Even so, deep inside, there was a small seed of doubt that persisted… Instead of suffocating it, Allen kept it. It was better to not overdo with hopes, so fragile and easily crushed by reality.

But that didn't mean he couldn't keep _some._

"He is probably around somewhere" Samuel continued, still smiling. "And now he has a great excuse to not go back to the Order".

Allen bit a part of his tongue. Without even realizing it, they were back to the main subject at hand. He watched Raz with the corner of her eyes, but not only she seemed completely disinterested in contributing to the conversation, her eyes were lowered to her food all the time even if Allen was sure her attention was in every word.

"Have you run away together?" Lauren asked, some traces of seriousness appearing in her voice. It wasn't the same as asking of they just weren't part of it anymore, it had been a more direct question.

"I was the one who went away" Allen assumed (and even putting it in words like that still bothered him. Would that ever go away?) and gestured with his head to the silent girl at his side. "And I met Raz afterwards".

It wasn't a lie, after all.

"And I'm just…" They would probably have realized she was no Exorcist, since she hadn't taken part in the battle. The only thing she could hope was that they would believe that she was just a regular human.

"She is a friend of mine" Allen interrupted with a smile. Though not letting it show, Raz was a bit surprised. Up until now, she hadn't given much thought (if any at all) about her relationship with Allen (not that she even had enough knowledge or experience to try and categorize it) and it had been the very recent events that had strengthened whatever little trust she had in him.

It was the first time any of them spoke about the other as _friends._

"And why did you decide to leave it?" The other girl carried on.

Allen's mind went through several possible answers. He didn't want to tell them about Apocryphos (for several reasons) and it wouldn't be sensate to just go and say that, to the Order, he was now an enemy. He hadn't told all the details that had thrown him in this situation to Raz and he felt less enthusiastic about telling to this to strangers he had just met.

A lie was born in his mind, but before it could travel to his mouth, Alison shook her head to Lauren as she muttered the other's name with a vague tone of reprimand before turning back to him.

"There is no need to tell us, if you don't want to".

Lauren blushed a bit.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that". She scratched the back of her head with a weak smile. "I kinda of get carried away sometimes." After all, they didn't even know each other and there she was asking questions that could be too personal. God knew _she_ had had her own reasons to leave the Order and though some could consider them weak, they had been strong enough for her.

Elana went on with the subject.

"We're all people who left the Black Order. We all had our own motives as well" She added. "We met during our travels and decided to stay together. So here you have us" The smile with which she finished the brief explanation was warm.

"Exterminating akumas" Allen commented. "Still as Exorcists…".

But Alison denied with a sharp movement of her head.

"Not Exorcists, since we're not with the Order" Her green eyes expressed displeasure with the term and there was a second of silence from her before she indicated the blonde at her side. " _Elana_ thinks that if someone would call us anything, it would be _Exiled Ones"._

Elana giggled at that as Lauren let out a mutter of agreement, seeming amused by the idea. By the way Samuel held a chuckle and Alison rolled her eyes, Allen felt that this was an old talk, almost as an inner joke.

"And… The Order knows about you guys?" He couldn't avoid this question. Months ago, he would have assumed the answer to be negative, but now it occurred to him that it wasn't always that the Central shared and told everything to their members. Samuel denied with a gesture before answering with his deep, involving voice.

"We don't know. Nevertheless, I do believe some people of the Central may have suspicions." He rested his fork in the middle of his salad. "Some of us just ran away after missions while others pretended their own deaths, but I don't know if _everyone_ believed that".

Allen caught himself thinking about Levelier.

"I think some may not…" He muttered, soon adding. "I mean, it's not that I've ever heard anything about you, but…".

"But when it comes down to the Central…" Alison said, not even needing to finish the sentence while Allen nodded. Yes, it was hard (maybe impossible) to be sure of what the Central knew or not. Samuel had said some of them had just ran off (once again, Allen thought about Cross) and even a disappearance could sometimes be suspicious enough for some of them.

Meanwhile, another question, tangled in memories attracted his attention though he didn't say it.

" _Wait, if they left the Order… How come they haven't turned into Fallen Ones?"_ This question weighed more as how they had managed to avoid being seen by Finders or other Exorcists. It wasn't as if he was an expert in the subject either, of what he remembered, Lenalee had told him this happened when the synchronization level fell too much and this was what had happened to Suman Dark, especially due to his betrayal.

The echo of Suman's voice tried to sound from the depths of his mind, but Allen blocked it. It wasn't time for this. He also decided to put that question aside and think about it later… There must be a _reason_ for which the Exiled Ones (to use Elana's term) hadn't suffered the same fate.

"And you keep hunting akumas, even if by yourselves" He repeated.

"It's what we know how to do" Was Lauren's answer, though Allen noted the corners of her mouth were slightly turned down as if she had tasted something bitter and was trying to hide it. However, he did not insist. Just like he didn't need to explain his reasons, they didn't need to explain theirs.

He knew they should be less than simple. And without a doubt, not at all pleasant.

He felt Lauren's gaze leaving him and going briefly to Raz. Maybe the girl was just curious for the why the other was being so quiet or wondering until where Raz knew regarding the Order, but in any case, Allen decided to not risk and tried to lead the conversation to a more secure ground.

"After what we've heard and those akumas, I'm _sure_ there is an Innocence in that forest" And for some reason, this caused a light feeling. As if there was a seed of sanity and normality in a sea of chaos.

None of the others disagreed, but the air became vaguely tense as a flower blooming among the silence and emitting the perfume of poisons.

"So we better leave" Alison decided without hesitation. Allen took notice of how no one seemed to have any objection. This surprised him a bit, the idea of just leaving an Innocence to be found by the akumas or worse…

"What do you mean?".

Alison merely shrugged.

"Just because of that deal of trees shining and akumas around, the Order will send someone soon. It's better if we're not here when that happens.".

"We always avoid having any chance of contact with any person who even _seems_ to have connections there. It's not safe, too risky" Elana explained further and Allen understood the point. Even if they just thought that some people might suspect they were alive, there was no way it would be prudent to go and _confirm_ it. Allen reminded himself of the Crows, Kanda's memories and when he had been put ( _imprisoned)_ in the dungeons.

Yes, he understood it.

"But we're already here. And the akumas are already after this Innocence. What if they find it first?" Even knowing that going away would be better for him and Raz as well, the bitter taste that was born from that idea was too strong to be ignored, a wave that spread to his whole body.

Elana and Lauren exchanged looks again as Alison turned her attention to her food. Samuel studied Allen for some seconds before explaining what he had already seen: This wasn't something that belonged on the top of their list of worries.

"Allen, we avoid getting involved in matters that may have even the slightest to do with the Order the most" He whispered. "Exterminating akumas is one thing, going after an Innocence… It's quite different".

Even so, he couldn't back away even if his own reason told him they wouldn't be able to do a thing even if they did recover the Innocence in question. First, they couldn't just go around looking for an Accommodator and, in the remote eventuality of finding someone, they couldn't use Innocence in this state.

And still he couldn't just turn his back at the subject.

"But if the akumas find it, the Innocence will be destroyed".

He did his best to not look at Raz. Though she hadn't said a word or given any reaction, he felt a small spasm going through her body. Though he had explained that the Clan did this, he knew better than anyone that there was an abyss between _knowing_ something and _experiencing_ it.

Raz, on another hand, felt her flesh agitating under her skin as if about to burst it. During all the conversation, her emotions had oscillated and she didn't know for sure how to define them, but now the question had changed. She cared not what would happen to any Innocence (nonetheless part of her mind did wonder how exactly a thing like that could be destroyed), however, more than the mention of the Noah, it was Allen's tone that had caught her attention: Controlled, but still bearing traces of nervousness he tried to hold back.

Still, she thought Alison and the others were right. It would be more sensate to just let the Order handle that.

"The Noah killed most of the Exorcists" The silence and surprise of the others made clear they weren't aware of this. "There are very few of us left now, they also destroyed other Innocences. I don't think anyone knows how many are left".

Alison was still. Lips parted by millimeters, she seemed unable to find anything to say. Now it was understandable why Allen was so worried at the prospect of just leaving an Innocence unprotected to be found by a bunch of akumas… She could tell in her fingers of just one hand how many times in those years they had passed by a place that maybe, _maybe_ could have an Innocence around and they had always backed away.

They lived destroying akumas, but this didn't mean they had any notion of how the war was going.

She meant to say something to that "few of us", but closed her mouth halting the words. Allen probably meant to say this as "Accommodators" and not as "Exorcists", to which she would have replied again that they were _not._ On another side, Alison still didn't feel any inclination to stay and risk meting someone from the Order after taking precautions to avoid the very same thing for so long.

Allen looked from one to another. Now, in the silence, he didn't know for sure the exact reason that compelled him to insist that they would all stay, but it didn't matter. When his eyes crossed with Raz's, she stared at him for just a moment before looking at Samuel and the others, limiting herself to the role of spectator and making him wonder what she would rather do.

" _Maybe to her it doesn't even make a difference?"._

"Are things…" Elana wondered, voice becoming a mutter that sounded as the echo of a memory. "Going that bad?".

 **XxX**

"And how is he?".

The doctor charged shook his head, without needing to read the data in the report he had stuck to a clipboard. He already knew what was written on it.

"Still weak. We don't know for sure what they did to him" He gave the papers to Komui, who studied the exams' results without much hope of noticing something different from last time. "He went through another seizure last night and we did our best. There is no way to predict if and when this will happen again and all we could do was to restrain him, so he wouldn't hurt himself".

Komui nodded, just to indicate he was listening. The tests weren't revealing what exactly was of abnormal in Chaozii's organism and some results were that of a man with a perfect health. What consisted in an ironic and cruel joke, once one of his seizures had seemed to leave him in the edge of death.

The only thing they knew was that the Noah were responsible.

" _Which doesn't help in really_ nothing!" The supervisor thought, with a need of controlling his fingers to not shiver when frustration gave birth to a strong wish to throw that BOARD in the ground with all those useless papers and just yell and yell.

"There is nothing we can do for now, except monitoring him" The doctor carried on when Komui gave the report back to him. "We'll try other reactions and maybe we can find a medicine to at least avoid some seizures or any pain he may be feeling".

Komui agreed and walked away, mind running though several different ideas of what the Noah could have done to Chaozii, however the conjectures were no more than pale ideas and he knew the true answer could be worse than anything he was able to think.

" _A talent that all Noah share"_ He thought bitterly. " _Make your worst nightmares look like child's dreams"._

He went back to the Science Department room, sitting at his table when Reever came closer. Some people around also seemed to be paying attention to them.

"Something?" The man asked, managing a pretty believable imitation of control in his voice, as he usually did in tense situations. Someone might say this wasn't the most critic time they had experienced, but it depended on the point of view.

"Nothing. He is still in coma" This was the only term available, they knew it was nothing of the sort. Komui added. "He had another seizure, I was told. He seemed to be stable while I was there.".

Reever just agreed. There wasn't much more to be said, except to one thing. And he would rather not have to say it. He had heard before that things tended to improve with time (or you learned to live with the facts) but if someone asked him, nothing seemed to be in a path for improvement and he doubted they would ever get used to the current situation.

"While you were in the hospital wing, there was a message. Levelier called for you, he wants to _talk"._

They exchanged looks in a silent comprehension. Since that night, Levelier had no longer sought for Komui or Lenalee, which had made all in the Science Department as grateful as worried, for when someone like Levelier kept himself away and quiet for too long, the tension of waiting grew until something finally happened. It wasn't different, Reever considered, from being tied up and seeing a bomb's wick slowly go out, forced to wait for the eminent explosion.

Komui didn't show any immediate reaction. After that night, he had recovered the mask of self control and seriousness he reserved for such occasions, especially in matters related to the Central. Even so, Reever and some other members of the Department had known him for time enough to be fooled. And Komui knew this.

Everyone in the room knew well enough what Levelier wanted and though they had expected this, mainly Komui, it didn't magically made it less unpleasant, as it happens with things we cannot avoid, no matter how much we desire it so.

"I better end this." He commented, standing up again as he reflected, almost with scorn, that Levelier had even waited quite a time before calling, probably, to demand interrogation from Lenalee.

" _Probably_ my foot, _it's the_ only _subject he would want to talk about"._

"Keep your head cool" Johnny advised, without real need at the same time he wished he had more to say. Something _useful._

"I'll do what I can" Komui muttered as he went out.

Reever sighed, scratching the back of his head with a groan. At his side, Johnny still observed the hallway where Komui had gone before his attention went back to a bunch of reports he had been revising, needing to force his mind to absorb the sense of anything he read.

There had always been moments when working in and for the Black Order was exhaustive and overwrought; once one learnt about that war, it became impossible to close his eyes and not think about their friend's wounds, about those who had lost their lives in the battlefield… Some could see them as "causalities", names on paper and being in the Headquarters may distance someone from the battlefield somehow, but it wasn't like this with him.

Meanwhile, lately, there had been moments when the air became poisoned with thoughts. The young man had always worked thinking in helping his friends the most he could, but this motivation seemed to be weakening bit by bit, as if it had already given all strength it could and now could only wither.

"Hey, Johnny" Reever's voice bought him back to reality. But when they looked at each other, there were no words. The understanding in the silence was quite enough.

"Those reports are ready." The other told him, putting the papers on Komui's table. "They just need the supervisor' signature."

" _Just?"_ They exchanged looks, almost smiling and remembering all the times that they had all but needed to force Komui to hold his pen to sign whatever it was, since the man seemed to have a true phobia of working.

It didn't take long to Komui to reach the room Levelier used to occupy as a sort of particular office. He didn't stop in the way and neither when he came to the door, except for some seconds he knocked and was answered with a "come in" muffled by the wood.

Levelier raised his eyes from some reports he had been reading, a cup of tea (or coffee) in his other hand. Those could be studies of Innocence, information and investigations from Finders or any other thing. To Komui, it didn't make a difference what was written there, what mattered was what Levelier wanted.

"Oh, Supervisor Komui" The man greeted with a nod and resting the cup on the table. "Please, do take a seat".

The welcoming was polite, but the other man kept his silence. Later events had made something he didn't believe to be possible: Lessened even more his displeasure towards the man in front, reaching levels that touched so deep his stomach that caused a ill-like feeling.

It wasn't just because of Lenalee, it was everything. One of the basic needs of humans, especially when something bothers them, is to seek out for a sort of escape valve, someone who they can blame and direct the bad sensation. It doesn't solve a thing, but brings a sick relief that helps to bear the poisoned emotions.

Komui was aware of this, but there was no way he couldn't blame Levelier for great part of all that had happened not just to Lenalee but to Allen as well even if a mocking bug-like voice in his mind asked why _he_ hadn't tried harder for either of them.

"Do you accept some coffee?" Levelier asked as he put the papers straight and at the side of the table. "Or perhaps some cake? I found a new recipe that…".

"I believe it would be better if we treat the subject you want" Komui fought for a believable imitation of politeness and hurried to add. "I do need to revise some data of my Department". The idea of sitting there, drinking coffee with Levelier as if nothing was wrong was enough to made his organs ache in their pool of blood. Few times he had felt such aversion for someone.

For an instant, the veil of gentleness in Levelier's eyes slipped, allowing the glimpse of something Komui was unable to identify before the man smiled once more, elbows on the table, fingers crossed and hands up to his chin.

"Very well." He said in a courteous and calm tone that didn't do a thing to relieve Komui's sensation. "I believe you know why I called you.".

" _As if it was possible_ not _to"._ The other answered in his mind, fighting the urge to tell his superior to hurry up and get to the damn point.

"You want to interrogate Lenalee, sir".

"Lenalee, Miranda Lotto and Alistair Krory." It was the correction accompanied by a nod. Komui would have liked to say later that this had surprised him, but it would have been a lie. Everyone knew of the friendship among them and it would have been foolishness to think the Inspector wouldn't want to interrogate them as well. He would have called Lavi, wasn't he missing…

For a moment, nausea was overdone by worry. Komui could have hopes that Allen was, somehow, well (or at least alive and free), but Lavi and the Bookman were probably with the Noah and this suffocated every hope.

Levelier studied him, his sharp eyes piercing Komui that refused to avoid his gaze.

"I am not an _idiot,_ supervisor." The muttering was iron-cutting. "And, contrary to what you may think, I am not insensible either. It's obvious you want to protect your sister, which is nothing astonishing, especially with your… History".

Komui's blood was liquid fire and he gathered all his self control to stop himself from hitting that man, who leaned back in his chair.

"You and she were separated very early and you joined the Order to be with her, sir. This is all beautiful and pretty, but perhaps you should accept that you cannot keep her safe from everything just to compensate the fact you can't be at her side in the battles." He made a waving gesture with his hand, almost frivolous. Despite his rage, Komui wondered briefly why Levelier would be telling him this, since it couldn't be for sentimental reasons. Was he trying to soothe him in order to convince him to allow that interrogatory?

" _It's possible, after all, he wanted to submit Allen to the Inquisition"._ He recalled.

"Did you called me here to give me advice, Inspector?" He couldn't contain the biting tone and Levelier surprised him with a smile. As always, it was the smile of someone who found out a delicious secret, the same smile he had given him when telling about the Fourteenth, so long ago.

"I merely think that you overprotect her. And I wonder if you do this for her… Or yourself.".

Komui closed his hands into fists on his knees, outside of this man's sight and controlling his body to not let on any sign the other could notice. His teeth were pressed against each other as if meaning to break themselves, just to contain all the words he wanted to spit.

He knew this game. Levelier meant to disturb him so he would lose himself in his own reactions and ended up giving in to what he wanted. He had seen this happen before and refused to avoid the main matter.

"I imagine some people may wonder this" He said without blinking. "It's easy to make suppositions based just in what we see and think." Before there could be an answer, he sighed and tilted his head a bit to behind. "It isn't as different as what you did regarding Allen, is it?".

The smile of Levelier didn't fall, but the corners of his mouth were hard as if he had bitten something particularly unpleasant and his eyes were colder than never. Komui carried on, anxious to breath outside that room.

"I told you can talk to her when she feels better." Truth was, this conversation was completely useless. If the Inspector demanded to question Lenalee and the others, there wouldn't be a think Komui would be able to do to stop him, since Levelier was directly connected to the Central, controlling more strings and having more influence and power than him.

Deny him what he wanted would merely result in the Central sending a direct command and those involved could even be punished for disobedience and disrespect towards a superior. So, it was better to just end that circus as sooner as possible.

" _You may not be an idiot and not be insensible as you say, Levelier… But this doesn't mean you're able to comprehend other's feelings, you bastard"._

"Who decides if she is feeling better enough to answer your questions or not is Lenalee herself." He stood up, unable to bear much longer. Even the chair seemed to hot and hard. "I'll speak with her and send an answer later".

There was a moment where he thought Levelier would protest or even use his authority, but the man just studied him for a time before picking the reports once again.

"I want to talk to her and the others tomorrow. If _she_ is feeling _well enough."_ He repeated with a well-mannered tone, but Komui would have sworn he could feel curious traces among that sound. Would it be despise? Scorn? He didn't know.

Levelier sighed.

"Quite a pity you don't want some cake, supervisor. Personally, this recipe I found is really fantastic".

 **XxX**

Even without entering in personal details, Allen took quite a time telling the others about how things had been going in the war with the Noah. Samuel commented that they had never crossed paths with the Clan and they didn't even know if the Earl was aware of their existence.

Alison hadn't said a thing, but deep inside, she reflected that even if the Earl knew, she doubted he would mind with his focus probably more on the Order. Even if they did destroy akumas in their travels, they were a far too small group to mean a threat and she was sure the others knew this.

At the end of Allen's tale, they all had been quiet. Many times they had wondered at which feet was the situation in the Order, but to _know it_ was different. If things were as bad as the boy said, it was no surprise he had been this bothered with the idea of one more Innocence being destroyed.

Yes, this all made sense, but…

"The problem is still the same" The girl said, pulling the brown strap of her quiver. "Even if we do find this Innocence, what are we supposed to do with it?".

Allen would have liked to suggest they found a way to send it to the Order, but his brain couldn't come up with any that would _guarantee_ the security of the Innocence. And besides, how could they be sure that the Order wouldn't find a way to track them down? Even the idea of leaving the minimal information about the city he had passed by didn't sound as sensate.

" _Could it be that I'm getting paranoid?"_ He wondered, disturbed by his own feelings. A part of him wanted to send that Innocence to the Order badly, as if this could be a way to get in touch with his home, or reminding (them or himself, he didn't know) that he belonged there, that he was still part of it… The idea of being running away with such effort from his home… He shook his head to himself, he couldn't even think about it now.

"Maybe we could just keep it with us". He suggested instead. "It isn't as if there is anything else we could do".

"I think he has a point" Lauren agreed, looking through the window of the hallway in the inn they were now sharing. In the horizon, she could see the line of the trees, looking like small fingers trying to brush the sky. "And we should think one thing at the time, first we need to find the Innocence".

Not that they hadn't tried. After Allen had told them the general picture, they had been quiet until Lauren told him she meant to help in this search. Alison and Samuel hadn't said a word and letting on that they wouldn't interfere, while Elana had soon changed the subject, starting to talk about the city and suggesting that Allen and Raz stayed in the same inn they were.

So, after the small lunch, they had gone over there and asked for a room. All the time, Raz was in silence and though Allen recalled how in the first days after her waking she had spoke too little, he wondered if this had roots in shyness or something else.

They left their backpacks in their new room and Allen had asked her if she was alright, to which the reply had been positive. When he had thought about insisting some more, Lauren had called him and proposed they tried to know about those lights before going back there and Raz had given support in the same minute.

To the surprise of the three of them, when they were in the street's corner, someone had called to them: Samuel, Alison and Elana.

"I thought you guys wouldn't come!" Lauren smiled. Allen would be lying if he said he hadn't been quite pleased to see they had decided to join them.

"I still don't think this is a good idea in any way" Alison had warned them, though her expression was soft. "On another hand…".

"Oh, c'mon, Ali! What is life without some danger?" Lauren had asked in pretended innocence as Elana punched her shoulder jokingly.

"Yeah, really, because our lives are so monotonous! Imagine, I don't even know what is like to take risks anymore!" Alison's answer couldn't have been more sarcastic, even if her eyes kept the smile. Samuel shook his head as he mentioned to Allen and Raz that they shouldn't mind them, it was when Lauren acted differently that they should worry, making the woman react with false indignation.

So, after searching in the local library for old newspaper and possible annotations that could have data about what was known in the city as the "Lights of the Nocturnal Forest", they had gone back there. To everyone's relief, they hadn't met more akumas, but there wasn't anything abnormal either. The clearing where they had fought and met was drowning in silence, so much that even the wind in the leaves echoed and sounded louder than it had a right to.

But after what had happened, Allen wouldn't find it shocking if birds and even insects avoided that spot for a while.

Now, with the day dissolving away and making room to the night, they were back in the inn. With nothing different in the woods, Lauren stopped looking through the window.

"We keep the basic plan, then?".

"I think it's better" Samuel told her, him and Alison stopping by the door of the room they were sharing and wishing the others good night. Their agreement was that they would carry on their investigation during the day (this time they would search info about the people "missing" too) and would be back there at the end of the afternoon and hope the phenomena would happen again that time. The only way to locate the Innocence would be when the lights appeared.

Elana and Lauren went to their own room as Allen and Raz did.

The Noah was still far too quiet.

"Raz, are you alright?" He asked once more as soon as the door closed. The girl just muttered an "mm-hmm" as she nodded. Allen wanted to insist, but he considered it could be better to respect her space and just picked some clean clothes, going to the small bathroom connected to the room, wishing for a shower (it was a luck, he thought, the inn had bathrooms in the rooms for such a low price).

The drops of hot water caressed his body pleasantly, bringing relaxation to the muscles and pushing the tension of the day out his system. He let himself just stood there with his head lowered, the water falling in his back and hair, welcoming the sensation and allowing himself to think about the events of the day.

He couldn't deny that the group ( _Exiled,_ he remembered Elana's small smile when Alison had told him she called themselves that way) had been a good surprise. For now he wasn't even thinking if he would stay with them or not (if they let him, of course). It was true that today, when they had been investigating the Lights of the Forest, he had felt the aroma of nostalgia, unable to not think about all the times he, Lenalee, Kanda and the others had been seeking Innocences or in any other missions…

He just missed them so much…

And even if this time was alike those, it was at the same time so different that it caused spikes of ice in his blood. In the warmth of his shower, his mind floated to the Order and he tried to imagine what Lenalee, Krory and the others would be doing… Maybe they were having dinner, maybe they were in some mission… A sound escaped his throat when he wondered if Komui was building another one of those robots, but the dry sound hurt his mouth. It was a mere ghost of a laugh, something striving to remember what a laugh even was and more connected to sorrow than happiness.

" _And what if they are thinking I joined the Noah?"_ No. They couldn't be thinking this, Lenalee had seen him leaving _by himself,_ she would know he hadn't done this. And the others would know he _wouldn't_ ever do this, right?

 _Right?_

But his mind was again wrapped in a poison that seemed to infiltrate itself in the furrows of his brain until touching the deeper corners. Trying to get rid of that persistent feeling, sleep the poison for a while more, Allen ended up thinking about the Noah.

In the last city, one of the akumas had called Raz "Lost Noah". Maybe the Earl… No, correction, for sure the Earl already knew she had woken up. And that she was with him… He could just imagine his reaction and any was possible, from amusement to anger. Well, no point worrying about this now, right? In the night he had used the Ark for the last time, he was aware the Noah would chase him down. And it was more than clear they would hunt Raz just as well.

And now he wondered what the others were thinking of how they were traveling together.

" _Has Road recovered already?"_ The question bloomed in his mind suddenly as a hidden flower, the memory of the Noah of Dreams fading away going back to his mind. She had told him many times that attacks against her were worthless, surviving even after Lavi had stabbed her from inside her own "Dimension" and having been burned until her bones and in that night, seeing her just fading like that that had felt like a lie.

Even Tyki had said she probably would need some time to recover, so there was no way she was dead. Again, that bitter sound scratched his throat. It would be a real irony if, after so many fights and pain, a mere punch ended up killing a Noah. As far as Allen knew, Kanda had been the only one who had killed one of them.

" _And how would Raz feel about this?"_ He still had so much to tell her. Even today, for the first time, she had heard more details of that war and how the Noah had killed most of the Exorcists as well as the destruction of Innocences. Allen couldn't imagine what she had thought of all this, just like he couldn't imagine what she would feel if she knew that a member of her Clan was already dead.

The last drops fell over his hair with the gentleness of kisses when he closed the water and picked a towel.

Raz had said she was fine, however, he had his doubts. She was too silent so he could be sure of what was going on, but who would be "fine" in a situation like that?

Once he came out the bathroom, already dressed and his hair, still a bit wet, falling over his eyes, he saw her sitting in the floor near the window and reading a black book.

And he was a bit surprised to realize it was the bible they had found inside a drawer of the little table between the beds, probably for religious guests.

"Raz?" He called, uncertain. The young girl raised her face to him, the gray-blue eyes as serene as a lake, not letting anything on. Moments of that day passed by his mind again.

Could it be she had felt… Well… Left out?

He had spoken to her, asked what she thought and the others had also, though probably taking her silence for shyness. He wasn't sure it was just that anymore.

" _Only that she is a Noah"_ He thought. It wasn't even as if she was a regular human and Raz herself was aware of this. The idea of asking how she was became weaker before another one.

"What are you doing?".

Raz merely lowered the book she had to her knees, showing the pages scarred by words. Allen kneeled and examined it, seeing she had been reading by the Deluge and how God had told Noah to make an Ark.

"I was curious" She muttered. "About how Exorcists are apostles of God…".

As Allen watched, she just looked to the pages almost as if in search of something between the lines and shook her head slowly. The movement was suave, but it made her hair wave, so thin it was.

"I don't _understand"_ She still whispered in a way almost upset. "Why the clan" She hesitated, making Allen wonder if she had been thinking about correcting herself and say " _my clan",_ but the girl continued. "Wants to destroy humanity if in here it says that the family of Noah was chosen by God?" She didn't mention, but something in her voice made it clear she wasn't even sure if she _believed_ what she had read.

Allen opened his mouth, but realized he had no answer. He remembered when he had met Road for the first time and she had said Exorcists served a false God and how the _true_ God _wanted_ the destruction of mankind. He had only been able to yell that this was the Devil's desire, to which she had just said she didn't care as long as humans died.

" _We're always fighting them, we never stopped to ask"_ It wasn't as if the Noah had always been in "conversational" mood when they met, but the notion was there all the same. In his silence, Raz looked at him.

"And I don't understand… Faith" She closed the book, but didn't let it go, resting her back against the wall. "I don't know if I understand this of believing in God".

Allen _knew_ that for _this_ there was really no answer. Faith was something unique to each person just as opinions and hearts were unique. Only the person could decide what to believe and no one had the right to try and force their own belief into others… At least this was what he believed.

"I think you're the one who needs to find an answer to this, Raz…".

"And is there one?" She asked so serene-like that it was as if it didn't matter at all, however her blood was a sea at tempest. It wasn't just the fact that what she had read seemed to contradict the war between Exorcist and Noah, but all the rest as well. If someone asked her, she wouldn't be able to say she believed in God or not.

"Of course there is." Allen's reply was in the same tone as he positioned himself at her side. "And you're the one who must think and decide what you believe in". He believed that, to God, what mattered the most was what went through someone's heart. Raz still studied the black cover, one of her fingers tracing the "B" almost in caution.

Allen had the sensation his answer had been too simple to a question that was actually too complex. But it was the best way of saying what he thought; explaining faith was like explaining how it was to feel love or happiness, the person needed to experience it herself and each one had her own way of feeling. He took a deep breath, going to another topic.

"Raz… Did something happen?".

Her eyes jumped to him as she was taken away from her thoughts.

"You've been quiet the whole day." He insisted. "If there is something wrong, you can tell me". Her still silence this time worked as incentive for him to go on. "Look, I know this may be all hard to you, if you want to talk about it…".

Raz blinked. Truth was, during the day, the sensation she had had on the train had been back, as if she had been floating in the air, bodiless. Being there with them and, at the same time, not being there. And everything around wasn't solid at all (or maybe she was the one who couldn't touch things of the world).

As if she didn't _belong._

Allen, Samuel, Elana… They are the same, belonged to the same side of the chessboard. Following this line of thought, she was an _intruder_ who shouldn't even be near them. If she was a normal person, there wouldn't be a problem, but she was part of the very thing they fought against.

This hadn't only reinforced that sensation of _being_ made of mist as if had also made her a bit sick in the stomach.

Only it was easier to feel all this than convert it into words, especially since she didn't understood it all herself. A spasm ran through her flesh, hidden by skin, so it was unnoticeable.

"I think this is all too strange to me yet".

The white-haired boy studied her for a while, not knowing how to talk to her in this situation. Raz, on another hand, limited herself to those few words without getting too deep in what she felt. The boy moved a bit in the floor, getting more comfortable as the girl decided to approach another question that was also part of that ball of wool.

"I'm feeling useless" She muttered, getting more serious. Allen frowned, though he had an idea of what she meant. "You told me the Noah have abilities… We saw I have… Whatever that was." She groaned, referring to the shadows at the same times she tried to avoid thinking about what had happened in the train. It still made her flesh and organs shrivel inside herself. "Only that it didn't work for anything, not before and not today. I don't like that".

Allen was quiet, an idea coming back to his mind with more strength as he touched the lips with the point of his tongue, burying that deep in his mind.

Training with Raz was an idea that went from black to white, passing by thousand tones of gray, each one branching in pros and cons, risks and scenarios.

"Hey, don't be like that, okay? We'll find out…" He extended his hand and caressed her shoulder, trying to change the subject and picking a safer topic and that maybe would distract them both from such feelings. "So, have you read any other passage or just about the Deluge?".

* * *

 **Ana: So here we have a new group. Regarding why they didn't turn into Fallen Ones (hey, it would be a plot hole if I ignored that), I promise I'll explain... Eventually.  
**

 **Allen: I'm still surprised that someone like Kallen knew my master.**

 **Raz: Meaning?**

 **Allen: Let's just say... Kallen is really different from my master. He seems to kind to be Cross' friend.**

 **Elana: Wow, you love your master, huh?**

 **Wisely: Excuse me, why didn't we appear in this chapter and that Levelier guy did?**

 **Ana: Oh dear, so sorry if what is going on the Order is also important. And yeah, as if Levelier would wait too much to talk to Lenalee. And Allen's friends. Hey, the little poll I did last chapter was kinda fun, I'm thinking in doing more...**

 **Lavi: Where _AM I_ in this whole deal? Excuse me, hi, I've been _captured,_ does no one cares? **

**Ana: You're still there, in the Black Ark. And being tortured with Fiidora's worms or whatever the hell those are. Blame Hoshino-sensei, I still following some of her plots here.**

 _ **Blade:** Sorry, that poll was just for that chapter alone, but no you don't have to sign. Even so, yeah, I would count Allen and Neah. However, as I mentioned, I'll think about more questions for the readers. That was kinda fun. _

_Neah: Told you, I have lots of fans and yes, I did..._

 _Ana: No spoilers regarding the manga, mister. I read that, but since it's Allen we're talking about... He never gives up._

 ** _Ryukilover:_** _It's even ironic, isn't it? When it seems your enemy that should want you dead understands you more than those who should believe in you._

 _Reever: Hey, I believe in Allen!_

 _Ana: You guys are just a bunch compared to the whole Order, who are thinking Allen is a traitor anyway. Yes, Tyki (and Road, but she is still recovering) know enough about Allen to be sure he wouldn't lie to Raz or manipulate her in any way._

 _Allen: Of course not! What kind of person I would be?_

 _Raz: I'm thankful for this, even though I still have my doubts._

 _Ana: That's her own trust issues, don't mind her. Tyki is among the Noah who would probably receive Allen with open arms if he decided to join them._

 _Tyki: As I said, it would be the best for him._

 _Allen: Oh, of course, because I've never seen the pain of the souls trapped in akumas, neither have I or someone I care about ever been hurt by you, sure, I have so many reasons to join you._

 _Tyki: You're getting sarcastic later, aren't you?_

 _Ana: Both of you, quit it. Well, it's too early to tell about "sides" in this story and Allen is still getting used to not being in the Order. Not easy, since he loved that place and they now classified him as an enemy (I'll tell you: This made me so furious when I read the manga)... As for the pairings..._

 _Wisely: She is going to..._

 _Ana: QUIET! Yes, there will be pairings! I just won't tell which they will be. And even if this is NOT Allen/Oc fic, I never said he won't have some romance... Huhuhu._

 _Samuel: When she smiles like that, I swear I feel a shiver._

 ** _jy24:_** _Yep, more Innocence Accomodators. They have been running away from some years now as though the Order has Finders everywhere, like Allen, they kept hiding and avoiding any possible contact. Since some of them faked their own deaths, it also helped._

 _Alison: As we said, some people from the Central may suspect this, but we don't know._

 _Allen: I bet Levelier does._

 _Ana: Not telling. Anyway, their own stories will be explained. For now they have no idea of who Allen is, let alone who Raz really is. But who said secrets can be kept forever?_

 **Thanks everyone for the reviews! Hope to see you next chapter!**


	7. Act Seven – Meeting of Light and Darknes

" _Beauty exists not in what is seen and remembered, but in what is felt and never forgotten"- Johnathan Jena._

 **Act Seven – Meeting of Light and Darkness**

Levelier's room wasn't unknown to any of the presents. Since they had transferred the Headquarters, after the Level Four's attack during the Noah Lulubell's attempt of recovering the "Egg", it had been quite a time and ever since, all of them had explored their new localization and few were the rooms they hadn't been in.

Levelier's office wasn't part of the list.

In general, the design was alike Komui's office in the old headquarters: Shelves filled with books as veins are filled with blood, a small couch and a large dark desk where, unlike Komui's, you wouldn't find a single thing out of place or a spot of coffee or crumbs. The whole room was airy and marked by a light aroma of sweetness and suavity. The only decoration was the curtains in the window, beyond which you could see the blue sky in which some white clouds rolled lazily today.

Lenalee felt like vomiting just for being _there._

At her side, Krory had his head held high, face a mask of seriousness that didn't betray any feelings to the man in front. Miranda had her dark hair pulled in a ponytail that had became usual, hands together in front, one holding another in a polite posture. Despite the gentleness of her expression, Lenalee thought her eyes were shivering.

She averted her eyes, taking slow and deep breaths, taking care so no one would notice it.

The younger girl didn't want to imagine how _she_ looked like. Just the vision of the superior acted as a poison spreading through her organism coming from her eyes, going as fast as a need in her mind.

" _No, don't think like this, keep it calm… Be strong."._

As Miranda had said when they were on their way to Levelier's office, it would be best to get this all over with as fast as they could and in the cleanest way too. But it was hard to when your dark thoughts acted as snakes hiding in the corner of your mind.

"Please, do take a seat" Levelier gestured to the couch and the chair in front of his desk with a delicate movement that Lenalee didn't think it fit him. He was tall, face with hard features as if carved in stone. As always, she had no idea of what was the truth that hid under his eyes. "Would you like something? Tea?".

Despite the shivering in her bones, Lenalee didn't move. Krory didn't either, his eyes just fixed on the man and Miranda refused with all politeness, surprising Lenalee when managing to smile in a thank-you way.

"Oh, no, thank you so much" She said, thought surprised at her control herself when her vocal cords didn't feel like this. Rare times Miranda had dealt with Levelier, but there was no need to know him too much to _imagine_ his intentions. And what he desired with them, it was just obvious.

Knowing so didn't make anything less unpleasant.

"Very well" He agreed. "As you wish" And he leaned his elbows in the table, crossing his fingers up to his chin, a gesture common of him, smiling back at the three. "I imagine you do know the reason of this… Reunion?".

Krory evaluated the question, choosing the words to be said with care, as if he was waving a carpet and the minimum mistake could ruin it all. It wasn't too far from the truth, actually: It wouldn't need much to increase Levelier's existing distrust and create trouble.

"I think we have a good idea, yes" He replied firmly as his own expression. Though he looked at him, his mind didn't accept the image as it was focused in another thing so much that it was a surprise it wasn't affecting his vision, as a hallucination would.

" _Allen arrested. Allen in a dungeon. Allen saying goodbye to Lenalee"_ A mocking voice seemed to chant and though he hadn't _see_ such scenes, imagination created the sceneries with near perfection. He knew Allen well and could guess he had left not with tears, but with a smile, just so he wouldn't worry her friend. Typical from him.

Even in the web of events in which the lines crossed and mixed, this all had been caused (even if just in part) by the man with whom they were being forced to talk to in a respectful tone. This burned his blood, consuming bones and flesh.

And, as a rat in a cage, there was nothing he could do. And _this_ was in turn the ice that was born under his bones, revealed when the fire had devoured them.

"I imagine you do" Levelier agreed with a nod and leaned his head to the side, never ceasing to smile even though it didn't reach his eyes. "So, could you be so kind as to tell me where do you think Allen Walker would have gone to?".

" _Gone to?"_ Krory questioned as polite as possible, the tone acting as honey to hide the poison. That had been rich to him, whose mind pulled a fine thread which in the end held the shadow of a castle, whose moonlit hallways smelled as antiques and flowers.

"Allen abandoned the Order" Levelier went on, not seeing how Krory's teeth started to press against each other. Miranda took a breath, but didn't sigh, feeling the words that would follow. "The boy was sly, we can't open new gates in the Ark without him. And his golem has no tracker".

He looked at them.

"Do you understand what this means?".

None of them said a thing. The use of the Ark was the least of their worries in the moment and besides, the Portals that had been _already_ created with fixed locations (sorry, made by _Allen_ for the Order) could still be used anyway. It wasn't like the thing had become worthless.

And if it had, it didn't matter to them either.

"However, we manage to find out that _all_ Portals were opened in the night he ran off, some were created to other places and then closed. We can't open those again. And it is _impossible_ to know which one he actually used. Allen Walker disappeared in the world." He opened his hands, the long pianist-like fingers pointing to opposite directions. " _Puf"._

Krory had to bite back the wish to say they should just be thankful to Allen for destroying only those new portals and leaving the old ones for them once he had no reason to, but held the words in the depth of his throat. Miranda and Lenalee remained in silence. The three of them avoided exchanging looks all they could.

"I sent several agents from the Central after him and until now, there hasn't been not even a single information of his whereabouts." Levelier shook his head, his eyes spiders that grabbed the presents. After a moment without answer, he muttered between teeth. "A person just _doesn't disappear_ in the world without leaving any sort of _track"._

" _Tell that to General Cross, why don't you?"_ The three thought, remembering how they had gone until Edo in search of Allen's master, without allowing their minds to also drown in the hell of what had followed: The battles, the Noah in the Ark. But the thought, as the information, were sources of some relief: If Levelier had any information (or even suspicion) about where Allen might be, he would certainly mention it now, whether trying to create a pressure to make them tell something or to see their reactions.

And after years travelling with Cross, it wouldn't be surprising that Allen might have learned some of his methods to hide (be it from the Order be from the people he owed to).

It wasn't the same as saying Allen was fine and safe, but they would grab whatever they could.

"Therefore, I want to know if there is any special place to where he would run to. Assuming…" The man added, raising his head a bit more, arms now leaning in the armrest of his chair. "That he has not joined the Noah yet".

Those words were a spark near gasoline.

"Allen would _never_ do this!" Krory growled before he could hold his tongue.

"Impossible" Miranda whispered, not in disbelief, but with the pure faith of a friend.

" _Allen is an exorcist"_ The words escaped Lenalee's mouth like arrows.

Levelier studied them, his smile growing terribly.

"Your loyalty is, if nothing more, _touching_." He told them. Miranda didn't know if this was the compliment it sounded like. During all her life in her birth city, she had grown used to read alterations in other's expressions, where a second could last for eternity. And right there, there was an instant in which an emotion flashed in Levelier's gaze… A brief as a fish approaching surface just enough to create a wave and the light cross the water to touch its scales.

Levelier wasn't being sarcastic.

"However, see things under this prism" He suggested. "If Allen didn't leave to join the Noah…. Then, they will surely be hunting him. Wouldn't it be safer if he was here once more?".

" _What for? So you can throw him back in the dungeons?"_ Miranda reflected, aware that this was still in the extreme _gentle_ spectrum of what could happen should Allen be caught and she wouldn't be slightly surprised if the other options in the darker end of that spectrum were the ones to come truth.

Even so, there was another feeling in this idea.

They all remained in silence, unsure of how to reply to this suggestion without saying a thing that Levelier (or any other member of the Order) could later interpret as a sign of betrayal. God knew that paranoia regarding traitors slithered in the shadows and could hold even the sharpest of minds, if the person allowed it to. During the time since Allen's departure, the mutterings in which you could hear "traitor" among offenses and curses seemed to have increased greatly.

Levelier's silence was the kind hungry for answer. There was no backing away.

"Allen has nowhere to go" Miranda ended up saying. The words had the taste of bitter truth being recognized, but they felt like the safest thing to say.

Levelier raised his eyebrows.

"He spent years traveling with Cross before coming to the Order. Certainly, during those years, they must have stopped at _some_ place that he may consider special or safe".

Lenalee would have laughed if she could. At the mention of "special", she had thought perhaps the place where Allen's adoptive father, Mana, would be buried. The place would undoubtedly count as "special", but not in the sense Levelier mentioned. And she wasn't sure Allen would even want to go there… It wasn't as if she even knew _where_ that was, Allen had never spoken that much of Mana, much less details of his death. She didn't know more than the others: The man was a traveling pierrot who had taken Allen in and died when he was too small. The Earl had approached the boy with his offer of bringing Mana back and Allen had accepted.

Once the skeleton had been possessed by his soul, turning into his eternal cage, Mana had got control long enough to cut Allen's face as he cursed him. The boy's Innocence had reacted and activated for the first time, killing Mana.

What had remained had been a scar in his face and a curse in his eye.

Lenaleee felt bothered, realizing it was too little to know about someone who must have been so special to Allen, but the boy himself never talk much of him…

" _He must have his reasons. It must be too painful to speak of Mana. He doesn't have the obligation of telling us everything of his life"_ And expelled the thought of her mind.

"I can't think of anywhere" She confirmed with a shrug, pretending her moments of silence had been spent searching her memory for some useful information, hoping Levelier would believe this. Truth was, even if any of them knew of such place, they wouldn't tell him no matter what he said.

The corners of Krory's mouth were a bit twisted, a bitter taste spreading to his body as words turned into ashes in his mouth. Special place? This had been the Order, the first time Allen had been able to call home, the vampire knew this and all he wanted was to leave this room and Levelier's presence, but there was no way of doing it without his permission which the Inspector wouldn't give until he had said all he wanted, even if he couldn't receive the desired answers.

" _What do you really want?"_ The vampire wondered, studying Levelier's face. He should have considered none of them would say anything even if they did know, had he called just to confirm this? He had no way of knowing.

"Even so, there must be." The superior decided with a shrug so fast that it could have been taken as a nervous tick. "Even if you can't remember anything now, I ask you to consider and think in any possibility.".

He should know well that the chances of any of the three telling him anything were little to zero, for his eyes dragged over each one slowly, spiders that left an acid trace behind.

"The longer Allen Walker is away, more the chances of being captured by the Noah" He waited some seconds before leaning to them with a whisper. "Or dominated by the Fourteenth. Assuming this isn't what happened already".

He sat straight once more, never blinking.

"You're dismissed.".

Despite the sweet aroma of the room, of tea and clean wood, Lenalee was only able to breathe when the door closed at her back. Miranda's muscles finally relaxed and Krory's shoulders dropped a bit as well.

"This is not over" The man commented, with them or himself, perhaps both. The iron had left his voice as well. "He is going to try talking to us again or…".

"But he must know he won't get a thing from this." Miranda replied. Lenalee didn't want to discuss it and decided to walk away. There were no missions assigned to her and she had a free time now that she had trained for the day. Maybe she could just go back to her room, or maybe just pass by the kitchen for some coffee, anything, as long as she was left alone.

"Lenalee…" Miranda more said her name than called her back. Yet, Lenalee didn't even turn. She didn't mean to hurt Miranda or Krory's feelings but she couldn't stay there and take part in such conversation, nor could she stand listen to that. The girl didn't want even to think of it, not yet.

During the whole week, when she woke up, there were brief seconds in which she still had remains of sleep and dreams in her mind, she almost forgot all that had happened, since the attack of the Noah as the imprisonment of Allen and his leaving… No, this was not a good term. Disappearing. It hurt less to think of it as such.

" _Like Lavi…"_ A dark corner of her mind whispered, making her close her eyes, her teeth going for the lower lip as if pain was the only anchor that had left to stop her from drowning in those thoughts. It wasn't fair.

It just wasn't fair.

Behind her, Miranda sighed and turned her eyes to Krory who just shook his head in slow movements. Both would have liked to have something to say, but the words that floated between them were useless. Lenalee wasn't fine, none of them was, they just wanted to be able to do something and where could Allen be…

Many phrases.

All empty and useless.

"I think all we can do is wish for him to be safe" Miranda whispered just to break the silence, but shook her head. The dark hair followed the movement, waving as a veil of silk. "Oh, what am I saying? This doesn't help in anything…".

She had been long praying to God to protect Allen and though she could find peace in those moments and knew she could not demand answers, in the silence of the night, the shadows of the human mind are set free and she wondered if God would be hearing her prayers and if they would do any good. In those occasions, despite her faith, her prayers seemed just an amount of useless words that had no value whatsoever.

" _No, I can't think like this. God always hears our prayers, even if we don't realize it."_ Ever since she was very young, she had found a sanctuary of peace in religion and though she had lost the love or confidence for herself in the past, she had never lost the confidence in God. " _It is easy to say we have faith when things are alright"._

"No" Krory said in the same tone, aware of what she meant. "It doesn't do anything. But I believe Allen would be happy to know it". One might say there was no help in this either, but somehow it was still something. "It is not enough, I know too, but…".

He became quieter at each word, thinking again in something that was in his mind since days ago, something that was still between an idea and a decision that he didn't dare to turn into words, as if the process would weaken it.

"We have to trust him" He chose to say instead.

That was all they could do now. Trust Allen. Just like he had always trusted them.

Miranda kept her gaze lowered. They walked side by side through the hallways and even when some people passed by them, it was if they didn't exist and were mere ghosts.

"And how do we return this?" She asked in such a low voice that Krory just heard due to his senses being above normal.

To this, he had no answer and a mute comprehension formed between them.

Both doubted that other members of the Order would understand, especially those who didn't know Allen as they did, but truth was Allen Walker had been their first friend.

It had been Allen who had given Krory a reason to stay alive after Eliade's death, something he could hold on as he recovered from having killed the first person who he had truly known, the first person he had talked to besides his grandfather who always saw him as nothing more than an object. At _her_ side, the hallways in the castle weren't that suffocating and the pieces of his grandfather's collection weren't mirrors reflecting how he also wasn't anything more than a "piece", not truly alive and with nowhere to go besides this cage.

Eliade had been the first person in all those long years who had seen him as "someone", called him by his name (something his own grandfather had never done) and offered him a gentleness he had never thought that existed.

And, akuma or not, he had loved her.

And, akuma or not, he had killed her.

Back then, all had lost meaning to him and the world was a useless stain around him. It had been Allen who immediately gave him some reason to carry on, so he wouldn't drown. Later, with time, this reason had been strengthened by others, but Krory would never have found them if it hadn't been for Allen being with him when the song of suicide had been even more tempting than before.

And hadn't he realized, in his fight with Jasdero and Devit in the Ark, that one of his reasons to stay alive, was to protect his friends?

Miranda, since she was a child, had felt out of place. Though she wasn't caged in a castle as Krory had been, her isolation had been the same. The despise of others formed a cage around her from which she couldn't ever escape and every attempt just created new failures and increased the cold, red fresh wounds.

Even if she couldn't stop trying and persisting, it didn't change that fact: She was _alone._ The ones she had believed to be her friends had mocked her and finally, carried on with their lives and left her behind. Her parents had given up on her. No one had ever been at her side to hear her or smile at her or tell her a word that had, in its sound, anything close to affection.

More than her flaws, more than her mistakes and failures, it was that complete loneliness that left her as helpless as if the ground was a cruel ice and darkness wrapped her day after day after day. Oh yes, the sun could shine all it wanted and still didn't touch her. The people around her were real and at the same time, made of mist because she couldn't reach out to them.

Useless Miranda, right? Useless, couldn't do a thing right, didn't she ever get tired of never doing anything for anyone? Couldn't she see how she annoyed everyone just by being there and why she had to be like that…

Allen, like Lenalee, had been the first people to _try_ helping her and to offer gentle words, not once getting exasperated at her. And for the first time, someone had _thanked her._ Someone was _grateful._ She had been able to help someone and someone was _happy_ that she was alive. And it had been the notion that those people would be with her in the Black Order that had given her courage to leave behind the city she had known all her life and throw herself in those fights, with the hope of still be able to do something good and right, being at the side of her _friends._

But both knew that such reasons could be interpreted as sentimental exaggerations and nonsense, especially by those who had never been at the other end of true spite and loneliness in its purest essence.

Allen Walker had been someone who had saved them from this.

Allen Walker had helped them.

Their _friend._

And how they had returned that?

"I feel dirty". Miranda whispered, something bitter running through her body. And even her mind running through a maze of conjectures, she couldn't find any idea of what they could do now.

"They will send us out in missions soon enough". Krory replied with the same sensation, heightened by the impotence he had felt in Levelier's room. Now, even the anger had left him and left a sad hollow feeling to which he had no name.

They exchanged looks.

And nodded in a silent promise.

They would whatever they could during their missions to try and find Allen. And if that happened, the only thing that mattered was that they would try to help.

It didn't matter what they would have to do, they just wouldn't repeat the same mistake.

 **XxX**

"So we left town that afternoon" Elana told them as they walked down a street. "It was a pity, the job was paying well and we would have liked to stay some weeks more. Well, I would, at least".

Upon waking up, they had had something to eat very fast as they tried to talk about amenities, words still fragile as they tried to seek a safe subject to all of them. Bit by bit, they had started to talk about their own travels and Elana had been telling about one occasion in which they had needed to run away from a city after getting a glimpse of two Finders.

Today, Allen thought it had been the sensible thing to do.

"I usually get money on card games." He commented. Elana and the others had the routine of spending some time in a town, if they managed to get a job, otherwise they were always on the move. Some places were easier to find some work than in others and there were some establishments that didn't mind to employ travelers for just some weeks.

Lauren had considered if they should seek some work in town, in case their investigation lasted for a while and had asked for Allen and Raz's opinion.

"I don't know…" Allen muttered feeling at loss. Staying and investigating was a tempting option, but just due to the traits of nostalgia and a safer past. It wasn't how he should think now, however, he couldn't forget he was being _hunted_ and how staying in a town for too long wouldn't be prudent at all. "I don't think so…".

He turned to Raz, who just exchanged glances with him before lowering her own eyes. Allen was already thinking this was a sign she wouldn't speak.

"Maybe you… Should try to find this… This Innocence. Just one more time." She tried, without betraying her emotions. "People are talking too much about monsters… And the lights. They end up sending someone".

By this they knew she meant not only the Order but the Noah as well.

"I agree." Alison said, her panther-like green eyes evaluating the street ahead when in truth she was turned _to_ herself and thinking about what they should do. It was not their policy to investigate anything of the sort and it had been years since she (or any of them) had found themselves in this position. Just like Allen, this bought memories to her. "Those akumas we found were too strong". And if anyone asked her, the girl wasn't sure they would stand it if the Earl sent even stronger akumas, as if was almost certain he would.

It far simpler when they just traveled without a course, destroying any akumas they could find eventually and now they were in a web which threads started to feel more complex than before. Last night, she and Samuel had talked for a while, each sat in their respective bed.

Allen and Raz didn't seem like bad people, nor did they seem to be lying. Even so, the information the boy had given them regarding the war had been more than bad. As it used to happen when this was the matter at hand, Alison had spent a time separating the several lines that formed the messed up yarn of her emotions towards… Well, all of it.

The group's situation was a constant dance on the thinnest ice and it would take one misstep to shatter it all and throw them in darkness.

" _Because this is what the Order would do. I don't doubt it"_ She had reflected, turning in her bed, weariness finally approaching her body from the bliss of sleep. Sure they would be more valuable alive due to their Innocence, however considering they had run away… Some people would believe it was better to kill a worthless dog than try to tame it again.

"Very well" Lauren nodded, raising her hands as someone showing they were unarmed. "Just this time more. If we're lucky, this very night" The nights the lights appeared were far more frequent (gathering from what they had heard) and they kept in mind how easier it would be to try to find the Innocence during it.

It was the only good thing regarding the rumors of the "monsters" and "bears", in case someone asked Lauren: No one seemed to have courage to go there anymore. Not that she minded, but she would feel better knowing there was a low chance of innocent bystanders to get involved and hurt.

It didn't mean they would spend the day without doing anything, of course.

The church's doors ahead were simple, of carved wood, with two large metal rings. The construction was made of grey stone that brought out the colored glass of the windows showing images of angels or saints, even if the colors were light, almost weak. The garden in front was well kept, no more than a green little field with occasional shrubs of flowers or a rosebush, cut by a path of stone connecting the doors to the iron gates.

Elana thought it was beautiful and felt at peace upon looking at it. Perhaps she was influenced by her personal believes, but she didn't mind it.

The interior was simple as well, banks of dark wood one after the other in two lines in front of an altar. In the concrete-made floor, pale colors like illusions came from the windows.

The silence was a gentle mantle and here and there, a person was down in their knees or sitting, involved in their own prayers.

"Do you think they are here?" Alison asked in a whisper, eyes going from a corner to the other. There was a door next to the altar and a passage in the left side from where they were that lead to a small hallway with some doors.

"The inn's owner said they would probably be." There was some doubt in Allen's voice though. "At least one of them". During their brief interrogations through town, two people had commented about the priests of that church. The librarian and a boy working selling newspaper. They had been mentioned during their talk because one of them had studied medicine and both had, some weeks ago, helped a bit in investigations when the rumors of monsters and demons had started, accentuated by missing people.

The news' boy had lean to them with a muttering and spoke about a corpse that had been reduced to black ashes, telling how few people would talk about it and swore _he_ would deny it, should they ever talk about it.

"It's too terrible to ever talk about it" He had told them as he tried to hide his fear, but Allen had already seen this emotion in too many people to be blind to the signs. The local police had forbid people to go to the forest, but the boy doubted that would work for anything.

One more reason why it would be better to finish all that as soon as possible.

If nothing happened this night, they would _leave_.

"I think there might be someone there" Samuel indicated the hallway with a nod. "Perhaps someone who helps the church, you know? I'll take a look". And with that, he walked away, knocking in the first door. Someone must have answered for he half-opened it and leaned inside.

While getting in contact with priests, since the Order was connected to the Vatican, could be dangerous. However, after some talk they had recalled that there were some small churches that weren't in contact with the Order. As such, this meant there were some priests who didn't know about the existence of akumas or Innocences. Allen knew this by personal experience and, when opening gates to the organization, this city hadn't been even mentioned.

Therefore, they had decided it was worth to talk to the priests here.

"I don't know why we need to talk to them." Elana muttered with a shrug looking around. "We already know what is going on anyway…".

"I don't think it would be a bad idea to try gathering as much info as we can of when or why this all started." Lauren told her, even in the end the answers wouldn't actually make much of a difference. Even if there was a story of those night lights, it wouldn't be more than that. Maybe with a grain of truth among it all, but it wouldn't be enough as a justification.

Still, she caught herself thinking about those phenomena the Innocences caused. Once each was unique, it wasn't impressive that their effects were just as varied, even so her thoughts were drowning in that idea.

Unbeknown to her Allen was thinking about the same thing and, for the first time in very long, he was remembering his first mission for the Order.

The city of Matel… That doll, Lala…

Kanda.

His mind, by instinct, cut the line of thought so brusquely that he could almost hear the sound of a branch being broken against a knee inside his skull.

"It is always a good idea to know all we can" He joined Lauren, just to say something and shrugged. "Who knows, if they helped investigate, even if just a while, perhaps they know which way we should follow" It wouldn't do much good if they got lost in the woods among the lights and couldn't even find the exact point the Innocence at least _could_ be.

His eyes went to Raz, however the Noah remained lost in her own silence, eyes upon some point of the church without actually seeing anything.

"Hey" Samuel was back. "A woman told me that Father Jon and Father Mana should be in that room" He indicated the hallway from where he had come from with his thumb.

The words became ashes when they reached Allen's mouth and their meaning was lost in his mind which entered a sudden state of torpor. It didn't last more than a second, but inside the boy, it was a moment outside of a measureable line of time.

He knew Mana wasn't such an uncommon name.

He knew this meant nothing at all.

Even so, the name brought back memories of the gentle face and laughter, as hearing a name from someone we know often does even if it's a complete different person. They came from so deep of him that it was like unburying remembrances that weren't really his. And due to this sensation, Allen held into them.

They _were_ his memories. That was _his_ life.

"Raz?" Lauren called. While the group walked towards the hallway, the girl was still looking to the banks, face a pale mask that didn't betray any anything inside her and she leaned her head.

"I just need to sit for a while. I'll wait for you here" And walked between the two lines of banks to the altar. Elana shrugged and Samuel leaned to Allen.

"Allen, I mean not to pry, but is she alright?".

The white-haired boy noticed that there was no firm answer to that. It was a question with many ramifications and meanings, when it should have been simple. Damn, he wouldn't have known what to say if Samuel had asked if _he_ was alright… Nevertheless, he thought the answer would be negative in both accounts.

"She has been through a lot" It wasn't a lie, but he wanted to keep things as simple as possible. "She needs some time." He thought that, with such a vague reply, Samuel could insist but the man merely nodded and said no more. Alison threw an unidentifiable look to Raz, but stayed in equal silence.

"I hope she will be okay, then" Lauren muttered. "If you guys need to talk to someone, we're here" She suggested calmly, knowing that they had just met and it wasn't even near time enough to any of them to sudden trust them, even if her words were sincere. A lot of things could have happened to them, just as it had happened to her, Alison and the others.

Her mind went to the Order. She had never forgotten and the ghost of faces in which she had trusted still haunted her. The girl had long ago accepted the fact that it would be like this forever and tried to deal with the memories as she could. Finding Elana, Samuel and Alison had helped her: It wasn't that things got any easier, but it was less complex and painful when you were not alone, especially if the others could really _comprehend_ you.

There was something alike comfort in the silence.

Raz wouldn't have the words to explain, even to herself, what it would be. It wasn't an _empty_ silence of a grave, nor was it something that weighted around threatening to crush her body. It was something that wrapped around her without violence… A silence of peace.

Sitting in one of the banks near the altar, her eyes wandered around without her moving her head, stopping to observe the details. Between the windows there were simple notches and, a bit before the altar, the walls in sides made a large half-circle with smaller altars.

In one, there was a tall statue of a man holding a baby and some flowers. In the others, there was a woman in a tunic, hair falling over her shoulders.

Just like the people represented in the colored windows, Raz had no idea of who they were, but taking in account the passages of the bible she had read last night (with help of Allen when she came across a word she didn't understand), the Noah guessed (not fully sure) that they should be Joseph and Mary… And the people in those weird windows were probably saints or maybe images of passages she had not read…

It made no difference.

Before the statue of Mary, there was a boy who shouldn't be older than Elana, kneeling in the steps with his hands palm against palm and head lowered.

Raz looked to the main altar in front. Going up some steps, there was a white stone table, covered by a tablecloth with nothing on it except for two candlesticks. In the corners, she could see a cross-shaped relief painted in golden and in the center, another relief with notches, with such light colors that they were almost white.

Behind the table there was another smaller one, with something that looked like a block with details and a small door. The Noah had no idea whatsoever of what that was or what was kept in there.

Above it all, a cross.

In the cross, there was a man.

Raz studied the face of Jesus Christ, her mind empty of any thought.

The crown of thorns mixed with the brown hair, passing between the strands and piercing his head, whose wounds bleed eternally. The drops falling over his face had been painted in such way that Raz thought they would look fresh in the candlelight.

Blood flowed off his hands, stuck to the wood by a nail. In the body's side, a red crack freed more blood. The head dropped to his chest…

Jesus' eyes were half open.

Turned to a point ahead and beyond. With the cross in the wall at the end of the door, it was almost as if he saw the people entering the church.

From somewhere inside her, Raz reflected the statue was well detailed. Whoever had made it, had clearly put a lot of effort… The same way a painter would spend hours converting his feelings and visions into brushstrokes as he tried to get the exact tone of the colors…

Could it be that this man represented before her had truly existed? And if he had, had he truly been the son of God? Even today, so many people believed it to be true… But this _wasn't_ reason enough to convince her.

Was there _someone_ , in some point of the Universe, who had created everything?

She blinked, ignoring the wave of discomfort that washed her blood. Jesus's mouth was half opened in a sigh or a painful breathing. Thought there was a distinct pain, the sculptor had also marked that face with an expression Raz couldn't _understand._ It was almost serene. But who, in that position, with nails crossing flesh, a crown of thorns in his head, would have such expression?

Impossible.

Allen seemed to believe, like the people who were here now, but Raz's uncertainty was heavy ands slowly falling into disbelief. How would everything she had read about God be possible? And even if she tried to approach it from the point of view that it _was,_ there were still questions and the lack of answers threw her mind back to the starting point. A race in circles that made no sense to her.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" A voice at her side asked. The Noah's eyes slid to her side, finding a tall man, whose dark eyes studied the cross before going to her and smile graced the unknown face.

"I believe I never saw you here before, miss?".

"Just passing through the town" She replied evaluating the man with caution at the smallest sign of hostility. His hair was of a deep red, almost the color of blood and fell in waves over his shoulders, thought there was the beginning of baldness above his forehead. The long tunic he wore was white, but the girl noticed a black collar underneath.

The man nodded and Raz's eyes went back to the cross.

"It has been here a long time." He continued seeing her gaze. "Since before I was even born".

The girl didn't feel any wish to engage in conversation with someone she didn't know about such things and would rather have him leaving her alone.

"I don't believe much in this. God and Jesus, I mean" She added, before he misinterpreted her words. To her surprise, the man laughed a bit. A low sound to not bother the others, but deep and almost melodic.

"Well, this is confusing. How can you _not_ believe "much"? You either believe or you don't".

Raz studied him again, but the words had a playful way and the black eyes held no malice or despise. The girl shrugged and even though the phrase "Then I don't believe" was in her throat, she picked another route that was closer to truth.

"I never thought much about it. Only recently". Even with her polite tone, there were veins among her words that made it clear to which point her thoughts leaned more.

The priest (for there were no doubts of who he was) nodded in understanding and placed his hand in the back of the bank, near her and asking permission with his eyes, taking a seat once she nodded.

"What is your name, young one?" He asked never averting his gaze.

"Raz".

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Raz. I'm Father Mana" He introduced himself offering his hand for a shake before leaning his arms in his legs. "You know, many people wonder about faith and believe, even if they never thought about it or even if they have believed all their lives".

This bought back a question she had had last night. Moments ago, Raz wouldn't have said a thing, but it occurred to her that perhaps, since he was so involved in the matter, he could answer.

"Why do you believe?".

He knew she meant all people who did and chuckled.

"You talk as if everyone shared the same motive." He looked to the altar, eyes warm with an emotion Raz had no name to. "Once, a friend of mine said he had asked this to others and the answer that bothered him ore was that just believed or knew it".

Raz could understand that person. This answer sounded so empty of meaning that became just useless, however she wanted to hear what this man had to say. Maybe, with that conversation, she would be able to think about clearly and decide if she believed in this or not… Not by external influence, but because talking about a subject could help the person to reflect about it.

"It sounds like a simple question, but truth is, when you believe, there are so many personal reasons that the deepest one seems to be your feeling. The feeling you have regarding God".

"Faith…" She muttered, thought Father Mana's words didn't do much to clear the dark and confusing lake that she felt in her mind with that subject.

"Not only that" He raised his hand in a gesture that he would be back to that point later. "Who can explain feelings with just reason? Well, how he wanted a more elaborated answer, I gave him one of _my_ reasons".

She remained quiet.

"Raz… To me, you just have to look at the world" The man explained with a smile, as if he was talking about the dearest of friends. "The balance between day and night. How a seed grows into a tree, feeding from the earth and light. The way how living being's bodies work. Nature is, if you ask me, a proof of divine's existence. Everything is too balanced to be coincidence".

Even if she didn't know details of what he talked about and had no academic knowledge, Allen had told her some things so Raz had a reply to this.

"Things that took ages and ages to improve…".

"Of course, but can you say it's all coincidence? From what I see, God created and uses Nature. There is so many diversity, so many different shapes of life and everything is in balance? The Universe too, as well, it all works in a way to allow life. No, I can't see this as mere chance.".

Raz thought about it. Well, it wasn't as if she had spent days and days thinking about the simple fact that something like _life_ existed or the variety of it (not just fauna and flora, but also how each being was always, always unique even after so many ages), but to think that the Universe, in its grandiosity, had just _happened_ wasn't something that stayed firm in her mind. If it was all chaotic, maybe life couldn't even be. So, yes, there was balance, okay.

Even so, the girl wasn't sure this was reason enough to believe in a superior and all-creating existence.

"What about faith?" Someone could say this was just the belief in God, but emotions couldn't actually be simply translated into words, they were always more than this. Maybe it would be like… Like trying to explain the appearance of colors to a blind person?

Father Mana shook his head with a soft smile.

"Oh, when you love a friend and he loves you back, actually loves you back, don't you feel it? Through his gestures and words? It is the same. That's why my friend heard people saying they just felt God's existence." Raz noticed he was just justifying that sort of answer, nothing more. His words floated inside of her while she wasn't sure she would ever find meaning for them.

She looked ahead again, to Jesus crucified. The supposed son of God who had sacrificed himself for the sake of humanity.

"I still don't know if I understand it. Or believe it" The words escaped her as if they had a life of their own, animals trying to escape a cage that was her interior. Father Mana held her hand gently, attracting her gaze once more.

"Raz… In the end, _no one_ can decide for you." He hesitated for a moment before adding. "But you can't _demand_ evidences or just _want_ to believe if something good happens because you asked for it. This is not how faith and prayers work.".

He stood up, leaning his hands in his knees and groaning a little, one of his legs shuddering with a light spasm under the weight of his body that made his smile turn into a light face of disturb for a second before he firmed himself.

"This may sound as a paradox, I know, but I think the absence of what people call _undeniable_ evidence is also a proof. He gives us free will _always,_ including the freedom of deciding to not believe. He gave us knowledge about him, sent his son and still you can refuse to believe. I for one find my evidences with my faith.".

Raz opened her mouth, but it was empty, so she closed it again. Father Mana smiled in understanding to her.

"I do hope I have not bothered you." Even if _she_ was the one who had asked. "As I said, you're the only one who can decide.". He smiled and bid her goodbye, leaving the girl with the shadows that slithered inside her.

Her blue eyes went to the cross, to the painted eyes of Jesus. Father Mana's words had not bothered her even if they had agitated her doubts without doing much to dissolve them.

He had said it was her decision. Perhaps she should try to think about it not with her mind, but heart and without any "previous" half-formed opinion…

In the end, truth was, she _had no idea of what decide._

And if this was a choice based in emotions, then she was lost.

All she felt was a vast emptiness that still haunted her along with the lack of memories and the sensation of absolute inexistence. How could she know in what to believe when there were moments when Raz didn't know if she believed even in herself?

 **XxX**

"Then I went and dropped everything in the official" Lauren carried on and though her chest shivered with a nervous laugh she held, her face seemed darker and warmer. She scratched the back of her head, lips shivering in shame to the memory. "It was a hell of silence, everyone could just stare…".

"I thought the manager would _kill_ you" Alison said, disguising her words with seriousness. The effect was ruined by her smile. Apparently, it was one of those situations that ended up turning strangely funny after a while.

"This because Lauren had made up a tearful story just to convince the man to employ them" Elana commented aside to Allen and Raz, who heard the girl tell about one of the jobs that had gotten in another town as waitresses. When the money started to go low, or they city seemed peaceful enough to rest for a while, they stayed for a while longer.

"Didn't he fire you guys right there?" Allen asked, unable to see any other way this would have ended. The managed of the restaurant, following Lauren's tale, had just accepted them because the city used to get more tourists during summer and the impression was that he wouldn't have accepted Alison and Lauren if he didn't need the extra help nor had other options.

"Well, first he apologized to the deputy" Alison told them. "Just when our turns were over he told us he didn't want to see us ever again, not even as clients".

"I remember there were some few times we crossed paths in the street" Lauren looked to the sky in a false expression of innocence. "Each time he saw me, I thought he was about to commit a homicide".

Allen held a laugh, remembering some bar's managers that had casted him the same look due to the debts his Master had left there. Even in the occasions he got money enough to pay, they never forgot it.

He looked to the night sky, eyes passing through the cover of leaves that waved in the breeze. Stars speckled the blue-almost-black as a bunch of tiny drops of silver paint someone had dropped over a cape and the aromas of the night danced in the air as if the whole forest was a flower opening under the moon.

Father Jon had informed them that the lights seemed to appear first at west, in the depths of the woods and they had been walking to this direction when the sunset had started. Before, they had just wandered through town and when they had eaten, Allen had noted a group playing cars and took the opportunity to get some cash.

Raz seemed to have grown used to his "luck", but the others had been surprised and while they walked to the woods, their conversation had taken its own path to what they used to do to support themselves.

Lauren shrugged and Elana commented about that town's summer festival when Raz asked if they had stayed there time enough to attend. Allen couldn't forget of when Samuel had asked if Raz was alright and though it hard to be sure, he couldn't avoid the sensation…

"I'm impressed that you can manage yourself just by playing cards" Samuel told him as he shook his head. Despite the amusement in his voice, there was gentleness in his features.

"It was, in part, thanks to Master" He couldn't avoid the answer. He continued without any desire to talk much about himself, especially since he had met Samuel and the others just yesterday, but the words came in their own accord.

He stayed quiet for a while, listening to the sound of their steps over fallen leaves and the girls muttering as they walked some steps ahead as his own became slower. Before he realized the question being born in his throat, he was already speaking.

"Do you really believe that Master Cross is alive?" He looked back to the leaves-covered ground and then to the older man. Samuel evaluated him, his eyes as dark as a starless night.

"Certainly." He answered. "Believe me, Allen, if they didn't find his corpse or Maria's grave, the chances that Cross is alive are _very_ high".

Maybe it was the firmness of his look or the confidence marking each sound of his deep voice, but the boy felt doubts now about his Master's demise. He was also extremely skilled when it came down to disappearing without a trace… The vision of Apocryphos attacking him filled Allen's mind with such intensity that it could have manifested itself in front of his eyes, but the memory of Cross fighting Tyki Mikk in the Ark mixed to the vision and weakened it.

Maybe…

 _Just maybe…_

"Maybe I'll end up believing it when another debt he made in my name appears". He ended up saying, voice shivering with what could be a sort of laugh and Samuel agreed with an expression so solemn that Allen didn't resist. "Did he ever do this to you too?".

He wouldn't be surprised, Cross had even borrowed money from Krory and left debts in the Noah twins' name.

The black man smiled almost like a teenager and gave him a wink.

"Oh, he _tried._ Just once.".

"What did you _do?"_ The idea that Master had done this to Samuel only _once_ was sort of shocking and Allen doubted the reason had been sentimental, which was confirmed by Samuel rolling his eyes with a false innocence.

"I merely warned him that, should he do something of this nature ever again, I would spread certain stories I know to every brothel of every city I ever passed by.".

Allen couldn't stop himself and laughed.

The thoughts about his master started to pull others, like a chain. From the time he had told him of his state as a host for the Fourteenth… Another thought started to be formed, but before it left the swamp of his subconscious and could be recognized into words, the foliage around them became lighter in colors and even the trees seemed to reflect a light that made their trunks leave behind the gray and brown to dress a ghostly tone of greenish.

"It has started" Lauren said in a thin voice as Alison looked around with wonder filling her eyes as the lights started to play in her grey hair.

"It seems to come from there" Allen pointed a path among trees where the light became brighter and walked faster, before the colors spread too much and they missed the point from which they seemed to come in waves.

For now, the forest was still dressing that light. The leaves waved in a lake of light and shadow, trunks seemed to pulsate when they approached. The aqua-green tone was a living thing floating in the air and slowly turning blueish, a change so soft as the blooming of a flower that you could only notice when the color had already changed completely.

And even now, shell-pink lines slithered in the blue and aqua. Some trees around were already mirrors of light. And it felt as warm as an embrace.

Whatever that light was, it was alive and it was hugging the forest and them as well, covering it as a mother would to a child during bedtime.

" _Is this what the Innocence is doing?"_ Raz wondered, lost in that beauty. At each step, she felt a warm pulsation washing over her.

Finally, they reached a clearing.

The pulsation in the earth, as hidden river, came up through the flesh of their feet until their hearts.

Right ahead, the grass oscillated in tones of light blue and silver, veins alternating between nacreous, aqua and aurora-pink. In the center, there was a weeping-willow.

Allen had never seen such a huge or ancient tree. The branches fell around the trunk as a waterfall of colors and the grass near the roots that they could see was completely white.

"My god…" Alison sighed at his side, voice broken by the splendor of what they saw. Allen's eyes ran through the tree, the liquid colors dancing among the leaves.

And he spotted a known greenish light among the old twisting roots that soon hid themselves under the earth. The Innocence, whatever it was, was hidden in the center of the tree and among its roots.

Dominated by the vision, he wouldn't have seen the shadows approaching, as the lights reflected on their bodies as well.

He wouldn't ever have noticed them, if it wasn't for the pulsating of his eye breaking the enchantment and making his nerves turn into glass shards. And what he saw agitated his heart in a way that had nothing to do with the weeping willow's beauty.

At his side, an intake of air. Samuel let out a low sound that wasn't unlike a growl.

Four shadows stepped into the light. Three human-like forms, a kind of mane coming out of their helmets and floating in the air as if they were under the water. Colors didn't reflect in those eyes that shined and rolled, bulbous protuberances in metal.

The last member of the group looked completely human.

Yet, Allen knew people would say he was the most inhuman of them.

And Allen avoided looking at Raz.

The Level Three akuma stretched their heads to their direction as dogs anxious for their master's permission to hunt and dismember.

"Well, would you look at that… What a surprise!" A relaxed voice, adorned by a trace of amusement broken the silence in a thousand shards, as all the peace they had felt until now.

"So, boy, how have you been?" Tyki Mikk asked calmly.

* * *

 **Allen: You didn't go and did this…**

 **Ana: Uh… You mean the cliffhanger or the meeting with Tyki?**

 **Allen: Both!**

 **Tyki: Oh, c'mon boy, aren't you happy to see me?**

 **Allen: Listen, you did save me last time and I'm grateful, I admit, but this doesn't change the bigger picture.**

 **Ana: No reviews to answer, so I'll just try to make sure they don't start a fight. Hey, you two, stop this bickering!**


	8. Act Eight - Dance of Light and Darkness

" _The soldier, above all others, prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must bear the deepest wounds and scars of the war". – Douglas MacArthur._

 **Act Eight – Dance of Light and Darkness.**

Even the whispering of the leaves had been suffocated in the clearing. The akumas had their multiple eyes on the group, red eyes gleaming with the forest's lights, different sizes and some still spun, as if unable to fix gaze in anything. One of them had the head leaning forward, a long and pasty-like thing rubbing the base of its helmet not unlike a dog licking his muzzle. Elana was sure this was a silent provocation.

They had come from somewhere of the forest in the right direction. Both groups were at the same distance from the tree and the Innocence it had in its roots. They were five (six if they would count Raz, but she was no Accommodator and wouldn't be able to help) against four.

However, Elana's nerve endings had become thin. Numbers were illusion: They were in disadvantage here.

Allen wanted to look at Raz with the corner of his eyes and soon feeling it impossible to do, remaining staring at Tyki Mikk.

The liquid golden eyes contrasting with the grey skin, the Noah smiled at him in his usual way. Hands in his pants' pockets, the white shirt under the coat reflecting the colorful waves, he merely stared back as if they were meeting on the street or some other common place.

"Geez, no answer? Not even going to ask how I have been?" He wondered with faked disappointment, cigarette firm in his mouth as his expression became hurt. "And I thinking we were _camaradas"._

His eyes studied the others and stopped on Raz, his laidback expression coming back and not letting a clue of what he was truly thinking. Allen felt his legs' bones turning into steel, but held back to not stay in front of the girl. It would be more a demonstration of weakness than of protection. And when you were in front of rabid dogs, movement could just provoke an attack.

" _If we have to fight, wouldn't it be better to just start it?"._

He didn't need to look to the others to see their Innocences being activated. Close to his right, he felt Lauren, muscles turned into stone. Alison had her bow lifted, the index and medium fingers touching the middle of it right in the cross-shaped mark.

Raz, like the others, remained still. Her mind was tore apart by memories of Allen's fight against akumas and the fight of yesterday, but even if poisonous, the images felt foggy with her attention holding its claws in the present.

Ignoring the akumas, she observed the man who had spoke. His skin was of the same grey tone she had seen in herself back in the night when she had woken up in a forest and that marked the beginning of the only memories she had.

But it wasn't just the visual or the way he talked to Allen, making it quite obvious that they had met before, that denounced what he _truly_ was. A sensation unlike anything she had felt before was born somewhere so deep of her that the girl didn't know exactly where and spread through her blood. And somehow, her being reacted as if it was a known sensation, no matter if her mind couldn't pin any words to describe it.

" _Is he like me…?"._

The unknown Noah studied her for a little, giving her the certainty that although she kept a "normal" appearance, he somehow knew who (or at least what) she was.

A needle of ice pierced her spine and right there, Raz could only with he wouldn't say anything that would denounce the truth to Alison and the others. Different emotions mixed in her and turned her organs inside out as the blood burned.

Tyki observed the Accommodators that were with Allen and Raziah. They were not exactly _news_ , the Noah had some suspicious of some Innocence-users that left the Order… Not that their paths had ever crossed or that they knew (or cared) why they hadn't turned into Fallen Ones. It wasn't so easy to destroy akumas if they didn't have the same level of info the Order had and the Earl believed the Heart would most likely be with the Order than risking itself in the open.

Not that it meant they wouldn't be killed just as well.

The night was being far more amusing than he had previous supposed it would.

"It seems like you got yourself new _friends"_ He dragged the word.

Lauren's eyes went from Allen to the man. It was clear they had met before… The Noah wore a suit and behaved in a stress-free way, but she could see something twisted in his gaze and knew he would rip their limps one by one, as a child does to a fly. Samuel leaned forward, all his attention fixed on the Noah, muscles hard and ready to fight.

Allen held his left wrist whose skin looked diamond-hard and pulled, slowing turning it into a large sword. Even in such situation, Alison couldn't avoid being amazed by the vision… This wasn't like anything she had seen before.

"And I told before, didn't I?" The boy muttered, words taken over by coldness. He tried to not think much about the last time he had seen Tyki and the circumstances."If you touch any of my _friends… I'll kill you"._

Despite the usual gentleness Allen had displayed until now, something in him left no room for doubts that this was not an empty promise. Despite not being the one threatened by him, Elana actually felt a shiver in her nerves.

The Noah however merely stared at the boy as if he had said a joke that only the two of them could understand.

A part of Allen's mind was trying to avoid the memories. Apocryphos' attack, Road getting in front of him, the escape and the last words he had exchanged with Lenalee before leaving… And underneath this, there was what Tyki had told him: " _You sow chaos wherever you go, boy_ ".

"Oh, you did mention something like this once…" The Noah said while a faked thoughtful expression of who tries to recall something that happened long ago. "I could say just _a few things_ regarding this…". His eyes had been turned to the sky, and went back to hum, with the same light touch of the Teases he controlled. Allen could feel the _essence_ of what Tyki would have liked to say and his hand shivered.

Tyki sighed as he shrugged.

"Sadly, we don't have much time _now"_ He smiled like when Allen had seen his as Noah for the first time, when he had tried to destroy his Innocence and placed a Tease in his heart, which now beat out of rhythm as if the organ could recall it.

"Maybe after we deal with this, we can all have a long talk".

The akumas attacked.

With inhuman speed, Tyki ran towards them. In his arm, there was a star-shaped shield of dark matter, alike the one Allen had seen him using during their fights in the Ark. It didn't even shiver once it hit against Allen's sword.

Dark and light matter started a dance, meeting in the air. Some dark butterflies brushed against them, agitating their wings quickly. Allen's white cape gleamed when reflecting colors while it wrapped around him and kept him safe from those creatures.

"Just to remember the good old times, boy!". The Noah male said with a smile. Allen didn't reply, the sword a flash that danced as he tried to turn, stay between Tyki and the tree with the Innocence.

He swirled, sword cutting the Teases as the Noah hit with the dark matter. The impact didn't go through the cape, but Allen felt the pressure in his body, bones shivering in reply and a lightening of pain ran through him.

The black-tongued akuma jumped towards Elana, revealing a mouth with several rows of iron teeth. The girl cut the air with a hand fan, the wooden part painted with black and marked by spirals of green that moved in the lights. And the Innocence gleam could be seen in the blade.

Half moons appeared with the movement and hit the copper-colored armor, not leaving a scratch.

She jumped when it came too close and its teeth met only nothing, the shock sounding metallic. Samuel attacked with a side of his spear. The handle was short and white, just enough for him to hold it. From both extremities, blades appeared cutting air, looking sharp enough to slice even the lights of the forest.

But the akuma's armor was of no material known to humans.

The creature's claws cut when Samuel backed away, swirling the spear in a circle of silver. This was useful, as with the long blades he didn't need to be too close, but the akuma's arms were longer than normal.

The metallic arm shivered and the man groaned in pain as his chest freed blood.

He and Elana stood side by side. The akuma, despite human-like, stood in aoll fours, hands a mix between human and paws with scythe-like claws.

He threw himself against it, the half-moon blades of Elana going along like swirling birds. The girl ran as well, attacking the akuma from the sides.

Alison recoiled her fingers from the cross point in her bow. A line made of silver appeared as she moved and sliced everything when she released it. The akuma was hit in the shoulder, the impact making it back off with a growl. Lauren jumped in the air and fell with her fists stretched in front of her, hitting the akuma's back.

The attack forced it down and Lauren kept punching the same point, trying to weaken the armor there. Claws grasped her body, tearing apart her shirt and air escaped her mouth once it started to crush her.

New arrows rained, alternating between the akuma's head and hand. Two pierced his larger eyes, making it let out a cry and release the girl. There were pressure dents in its back, yet it was not enough to destroy it and release the soul trapped.

"Think that has any effect?" The akuma asked with an inhuman voice.

"Ask that again when you're falling in pieces" Lauren groaned, trying to ignore the ache in her muscles.

The third akuma was scratching the roots of the tree, its large head lowered as a dog trying to get in a fox's den, eyes turning insanely as it tried to reach the Innocence that should be strengthening the woods, otherwise, the akuma would have already tore that tree apart.

" _Shit!"_ Alison realized, green eyes going from an akuma to the other. Lauren needed to be near it to fight, but she could hit the akuma's arms and stop some attacks… However, she also couldn't let the Innocence be taken.

That was almost funny. It had been _years_ since any of them had even cared about retrieving Innocence.

Still attacking the akuma, aiming specially to the head and hands, Alison dared to look to the tree again… And realized there was a shadow behind the roots.

" _Raz!"_ She cried in her mind. The tree was huge and large, and the akuma was so focused in just the Innocence that it had not realized the girl in the other side. Her skin was so pale that the colors seemed to cover her as a kind of human chameleon.

Without stopping her arrows, so fast that it looked as if she was playing a strange harp, Alison moved her bow in a second, not needing more than that to place the other akuma under her aim and shot. Silver ran through the air and the creature reared when it was hit.

In the instant of a heartbeat, Raz lifted her head trying to look past the roots and her eyes met Alison's. At once, she was back to crawling as Alison alternated her arrows between one akuma and another.

The one who had been attacking the tree ran to the grey haired woman, its hands waving in the air.

Claws as thorns were shot against her.

Alison jumped and a warm river of pain exploded in her left shoulder. Blood washed her clothes as she tried to attack again.

Belly against the grass, Raz reached out with her hands between the roots, trying to hold the Innocence.

Since the beginning, she had known she wouldn't be able to help in the fight and the sensation of self loathing had washed all sensations. However, noticing the akumas were being fought by two Exiled each and the third was digging the roots and trying to grasp the Innocence, she had backed away to the trees.

Once out the clearing, she had circled it until going to the opposite side of the willow, crawling to it and hoping no one would see her. The leaves in the ground were a curtain of light that caressed her skin as a veil. On the other side, the akuma bit and dig and ought, attempting to break the roots.

The tree was large enough so she could hide and the akuma didn't see her.

Her heart pulsated with violence against the earth and Raz wondered how the akuma didn't feel it echoing in the ground. When it lifted its head as if sniffing the air, the girl froze… And only dared to move again when the akuma started to bite the wood, leaving marks.

The Innocence shone among the twisted roots that crossed in webs, making it hard to reach it. Upon sinking her hand among them, Raz felt their resistance, each of them covered in sharp saliencies that tore her skin.

When the akuma roared in pain and anger and decided to attack Alison, there was a moment when both girls looked at each other. Raz wished she knew what to do and thought about daring it…

The image of shadows coming near Allen, straps hitting against the train cabin's walls and shards of it going up in the air as a dark mist came to her mind.

She didn't know how to control that, didn't know what to do with that!

Her fingers brushed against the Innocence. She tried to hold it, pushing more against the roots and feeling them pressing her flesh.

" _Damn it, just a bit more, c'mon…"_ The scars that started to form in her hands due to the feathers throbbed and their image danced in her mind in mockery. " _It doesn't matter, c'mon!"._

Her fingers closed over something and she pulled.

The light in the tree shivered, but like a candle whose flame starts to diminish, still tried to hold on for a while longer.

Once the lights disappeared, they all would know the Innocence had been caught.

Raz stood behind the tree, watching the fight, her mind running through the options she had. Should she stay and get caught before the fight had ended, the Innocence would be destroyed right there (and she would be lucky if the man didn't comment anything about what she truly was in front of the others, Raz knew he hadn't done it until now due to his focus being in something else).

However, the idea of running away and leaving the others, as frightened as she was, was hateful.

Elana's fan shocked against the akuma's shoulder, her Innocence making a light crack as Samuel danced in the air, still holding his spear and hitting the head and chest of the thing with the blades.

The akuma growled, a reddish liquid dripping from the eyes pierced by Alison's arrows and its hands had scratches. But the girl now was fighting the other akuma and Lauren could not help her.

Her mind didn't make thoughts with words, just sensations. There was a crack in akuma's chest where Lauren had punched and her eyes hunted for any weak spot it could have.

"You'll be swimming in blood with your friend soon enough!" The thing said with a voice that had nothing close to sanity. Lauren took a deep breath. The only voice that mattered was of the fighting, the only things to be seen were from where the attacks came from and where hers would have more effect.

Lauren attacked. A right punch hit the akuma in the neck. The other was blocked by its hand. Both backed away… Pain shot from the nerves in her right hand that the akuma had tried to break. However, she realized that its hand also had four deep holes.

From where she stood observing, Raz felt her throat closing without her control. She saw the white of Allen's cloak, but didn't want to see it, trying to stop her mind from going too deep in the fact that man was Noah, that he was like her and it was the first time she ever saw someone of her "Clan" and…

The girl tried to take a deep breath and force her organism under control as she slipped back to the forest, still able to see the clearing.

If the Innocence was destroyed, all that would be in vain.

The thing emitted a dim white and green light. If any akuma came after her, that gleam would denounce her position even with the lights around and once those were gone, it would be even more visible. Even if Raz tried to hide it under her shirt, it wouldn't work.

" _And why isn't it hurting me?"_ It didn't feel like when she had grasped those feathers in Allen's arm…

Well, not completely…

At the second her skin came in contact with that thing, something pierced her heart, making it bleed ancient emotions that flooded her whole being. Among that river full of different substances that got mixed and divided, there was the strong desire of getting rid of that…

Sometimes, in Allen or the Exiled's presence, the vision of their Innocences had bothered her, bringing shadows of that same sensation. Something Raz was unable to comprehend and so, limited herself to trying to control it.

She didn't want to attack them.

Elana, Samuel and the others… They hadn't done anything against her or Allen.

And Allen had been at her side even if aware that she was a Noah. He could have killed her as soon as he had found her (wherever it was he had actually found her), but no, he had helped her.

However now, in contact with that Innocence, Raz was being taken over by those emotions.

 _She wanted to destroy that._

She wanted to erase that thing, even if she had no idea of _how_ to do it. It didn't matter as long as its existence was gone! The greenish gleam reflected in her eyes.

Cursed… Hateful…

There was no forgiveness…

Her fingers closed a bit more. A shiver ran through her arm's skin.

Around, in the sea of colors, darkness bloomed in rebirth. The shadow of a tree, that had been just a blueish stain in the grass, became an oily black and stretched towards her in a lazy wave. Raz didn't realize it, her fingers becoming stiff as claws and slowly closing more and more around the Innocence.

She didn't know how to destroy it, but that's what she would do.

If that thing didn't exist… If it was gone, then…

Raz blinked.

What was she doing? _WHAT WAS SHE DOING?_

Allen, Lauren, Alison… They were fighting just to keep that thing safe and she had been about to try _destroying_ it? Her nerves convulsed, the echo piercing her blood and waking her body. Still, she _couldn't get rid_ of that desire.

Self loathing filled her.

With a deep breath, Raz relaxed her arm and focused on her next step. Run back to town? It would take time and she didn't want to leave the others. Hide the Innocence? Risky and how could she know that if she put it inside some hole in the ground or tree, the lights wouldn't appear once more or something else wouldn't denounce the location?

Speaking of which, the lights around were becoming weaker by the second.

Being closer to them and further from the fight, Raz took notice of this. She didn't have much time and turning back, spying between the trees, she could make out figures jumping against each others in a fight. Allen and the Noah were engaged in a violent dance. The boy tried to tie the Noah's arms with a band that came off his cape, but the man pulled forcing Allen along and kicking. Allen let go in the last second and managed an attack with his sword, but his opponent seemed to just walk in the air and avoid it.

Raz ran.

What she desired to do didn't matter, what mattered was what she _could_ do.

Run, get away from the fight, keep the Innocence safe. She could meet the others later, once they realized the Innocence was gone, maybe the akumas would leave to hunt for it and she could meet them. Then, they would leave.

Fine, okay, alright.

Alison felt a throbbing in her shoulder where the thorn had pierced her. Blood still flow and left red drops in the grass, dark between the living colors. The akuma came towards her, but her arrows never stopped and she fought to keep the movements in the same speed and not let that thing out of her aim.

The thing didn't need to come closer, however. Its thorns were casted as Alison's arrows were. Silver birds and grey shocked in air as they moved. The akuma had scratches and dents, and a deep crack in its helmet while a creek of blood came from a wound in Alison's leg.

Samuel felt his own blood in his face, ignoring the feeling. In agile moves, he hit the akuma as Elana casted waves and tried to block attacks. In a certain moment, his spear pierced the internal side of the creature's elbow. Samuel used the support to lift himself and, with a swirl of his weapon, punctured the other blade against the armor.

The blade went deep in the back of the akuma's neck. Elana hit the blade of her fan against a spot in its waist where the armor seemed thinner.

The akuma let out a roar. A pressure surged from inside out, as a cocoon exploding. The impact threw both to the ground.

Among the white explosion, the noise and pieces of metal fading in the air, the lights of the forest became paler…

And, slowly, they ceased to exist.

The night felt darker.

The forest became a sea of dark grey and green, bathed in moonlight. Having got used to the colors, Samuel had to blink a little and it all looked like a grave now. He and Elana looked to the willow, but Lauren and Alison were the ones fighting the remaining akumas as Allen still tried to keep the Noah away.

They didn't need to exchange looks or say a word. They just ran towards their friends.

Tyki realized the darkness, the ones who still fought the akumas and knew what had happened.

" _So, Raziah took the Innocence, huh? What remains to see is what her choice will be regarding it"_ According to Lulubell, she had grabbed Apocryphos' feathers in her attempt to help the boy and had been hanging with him and those other Innocence bearers since they had felt her.

However, there was also her own nature to be accounted.

The nature of a Noah.

"Sorry there, boy" He hissed as he tried to kick Allen away. "But tonight, I'm here just for business" Allen blocked a hit with his sword, pushing it against Tyki at the same time.

There was no reply, all that mattered was the fight. Allen could hear the sounds of fight around and knew the Exiled were also fighting the akumas, a white light before the fading of the colorful lights and a whisper that only he could hear had informed him that one of the akumas had been destroyed.

But the others were still there and Level Three were not to be made fun off.

Having fought Tyki before, Allen wanted to keep him away from the others.

The Noah turned his shield, one of the stars' points going to Allen's body. He stopped it with his sword. A hit of dark matter found his stomach. His organs burned in agony to the point of pushing the skin of his back, or so it felt like. Another hit in a precise spot of under his chest and he fell in the ground, the white cape of Crown Clown keeping him safe from the blades that rained over him.

Standing near some of the trees around the clearing, Tyki observed him for a second before jumping back and disappearing in the night.

Allen stood… And hesitated.

Instead of running to the woods, he turned back to the field and to Lauren and Elana. Seeing him at her side, the chocolate-haired girl who was trying to hit the Akuma in the helmet as Elana hit its arm, yelled.

"Allen, what do you THINK you're _DOING?"._

The boy attacked the akuma. The sword's blade hurt its waist and the creature stretched its torso back as if his spine had been broken, yet it was not enough. Allen meant to attack again, but Lauren screamed once more.

"Go after that guy! Raz has the Innocence! _He will kill her!"_ She groaned as she avoided the Akuma's claws. Elana casted a wave of energy against it.

"But…".

"You heard her! We'll follow! GO!".

Energy exploded in Allen's legs when he took off in the opposite direction, running among trees and jumping over fallen ones. He felt his wounds deeply, but his body was used to fighting and the adrenaline helped to keep his attention occupied, mind trained to ignore pain and force the body to carry on.

He didn't want to leave the others, even if he knew they were strong. But he had to.

Raz was a Noah. The others didn't know that, fine, but even Allen wasn't sure Tyki wouldn't hurt her (" _What if the Clan starts to consider her a traitor like Neah?")._ A part of him now wondered what the others would do, their reactions should they ever know the whole truth.

He didn't want to think about it now.

Feet dragging in the grass, the white covered young man stopped for a second, eyes seeking among shadows for a gleam to follow.

Still ignoring her wish to go back and see how the others were doing, blood getting warm and cold in waves too quickly to separate the sensations, Raz stopped near an ancient-looking and twisted trunk, catching her breath.

The lights were all gone and she was alone. The old trees pointed to the sky, branches and leaves as claws and the moonlight fell like a mist, the only remaining source of light that created silver pools in spots in the grass.

While in the depths of herself Raz recalled the forest where she had woken up to the world, the major focus was in wondering if the akumas would keep on fighting or try to find the Innocence.

If she could at least hide the damn thing somewhere safe and go back…

" _And what could you ever do?"_ The thought tore the inner winter in her. " _Of what help could you even be?"._

In the silence, the small rustle behind her was of a bone breaking.

Turning, Raz sought in the figures of the woods for any movement. Had it been an animal? A strange sensation throbbed in her veins, something soft and fragile as the heart of a newborn and somehow, she knew someone was coming and that the noise had been entirely intentional.

A figure appeared in the shadows and came closer. The moonlight that slithered between the veil of leaves and wood over them illuminated the grey face of the Noah male. His black hair had been up to the back of his head had gotten lose and fell in a messy ponytail.

The sensation was back with an impact that hurt her mind.

Tyki studied the girl in front of him, who kept her human shape. Hair slithered over her shoulders and back as bluish-black ink and she had the paleness of a bone, face a mask that let no emotions or intentions out.

But she probably felt the usual recognition that Noah felt when meeting another.

"Good evening" He greeted her with a nod and, seeing she still held the Innocence, pointed to it with his chin. "And… What are you intending to do with it?".

* * *

 **Ana: Well, things are not looking very good.**

 **Alison: May I ask what is your deal with the wounds and scars?**

 **Ana: Hey, war. What did you expect?**

 **Alison: … It isn't that I expected anything different, but…**

 **Ana: Look, I never had much experience with describing fights and I feel some passages may have been quite badly written. What do you guys think?**

 **Tyki: I think I need more screen time here.**

 **Raz: I think I'm screwed.**

 **Ana: Thanks for the great advice with my writing skills, you both ¬¬**

 **Jy24:** _They are luck that Tyki was too focused in the Innocence to make any comment for now. However, secrets like those cannot stay hidden forever._

 _Alison: I do wonder when we're going to find out._

 _Ana: You guys just met, I wouldn't be spilling about those details so early. Well, the Exiled for now don't know a thing._

 _Tyki: As I said, there are a few things I could say…_

 _Allen: And none of them would be of any help!_

 _Tyki: Please, boy, I did save your life. You sound as if I don't care at all! And you and Raziah are our new family members!_

 _Allen: Am not!_

 _Raz: Hey, I may be Noah, but I don't even know you! You can't just say that._

 _Tyki: Well, you're both stubborn as hell, that's for sure._


	9. Act Nine – Where Will You Go?

" _Friendship is held to be the severest test of character. It is easy, we think, to be loyal to a family and clan, whose blood is in your own veins" – Charles Eastman._

 **Act Nine – Where Will You Go?**

"Good evening" He greeted her with a nod and, seeing she still held the Innocence, pointed to it with his chin. "And… What are you intending to do with it?".

His tone was good humored as when he had spoken in the clearing. Raz's mouth was dry and her heart was unable to decide between punching her chest or remain in a serene rhythm. An area of her brain had turned into frozen mist.

It was the first time she met someone who was… Like _her._ Someone from the Clan. Another _Noah…_ Now, Raz comprehended that the sensation of before was one of _recognition._ Nothing about this man was familiar to her, but the instinct, something primitive and animal-like, knew another being from the same species.

The same family.

"Who are you?" The question escaped her without any control and the movement of her mouth and her own voice shook her, dispersing part of her torpor. He wanted the Innocence, obvious, and that should be all that mattered. Raz was aware of such, however her focus refused to be fixated on this.

Since she could remember, it was the first time she saw someone like her…

It was something to know the Clan existed and having Allen telling some details here and there. Meeting another Noah was something else entirely…

The man backed his head in surprise. Surrounded by shadows accompanied by the moon, his golden eyes stood out, gold drops among ashes.

"Hm? The boy didn't say a thing about me?" He asked in mockery, shaking his head with a sigh of false disappointment. "If he keeps this up, he will end up hurting my feelings." He leaned enough to make a short bow, eyes never leaving hers "I'm Lord Tyki Mikk, member of the Noah Clan and the Noah of Pleasure at your service, _Raziah_ ".

He studied her face for reactions, but her mask slipped just for a second to reveal a brief surprise before becoming firm again. A mask of serene control, but a mask nevertheless. Well, he could fix that and avoided looking to the Innocence, as he would take care of that in a second.

Now it was a good opportunity to study the situation and report to the Earl later.

Allen had mentioned him back in the train when telling her more about the war, but just that this Noah had the power to go through matter. The name which he called her by didn't go unnoticed and had no meaning to her in a rational level: It was something inside her blood that reacted. Raziah, clearly, was her full name.

" _My name… Raziah…"_ Answering to this name felt as natural as breathing.

"Have you remembered something yet?" Tyki gave two steps to her direction slowly, aware the answer would be negative, however there was no doubt Raziah would have made some questions (especially after the akuma's attack) and he would bet anything the boy would have answered as truthful as he could.

Maybe he hadn't told her everything, but he would have told at least a little.

It would be good to find out just how much she knew now.

Realizing he was coming closer as a panther to prey, Raz's bones turned colder. Even if he was a Noah, this was no reason to cause any sort of trust… What shocked against that sensation that still struggled in her nerves.

"Do you know me?" It was mere a whisper. How could _he_ know she didn't remember anything? Then Raz recalled that back in the last town, one of those akumas had called her "lost Noah". Maybe they already knew somehow, or perhaps one of those akumas had escaped and told them…

It didn't matter, the result was still the same.

"Actually, no" Tyki denied with a gesture of head. The Noah genes in him did recognize the presence of a family member, but there were no memories regarding the girl _personally_ , since he had no memories of the previous incarnation of Joyd.

Raziah's question ( _Raz,_ he corrected himself) hadn't any intonation or emotion, words being no more than sounds.

"I suppose the boy did tell you at least _some_ stuff? About Exorcists and this stage of destruction we're in? Our _Clan?"_ He inquired, back relaxed and hands in his pockets as if they both were meeting in a street, under normal circumstances. Raz saw no reason to lie about this and nodded. Tyki concluded the boy had explained at least the general picture.

" _I knew it..."._

His eyes slowly went to the Innocence she held before going to the Noah girl's face.

A smile tore his face apart. His iris seemed to become a thin line. His expression was the essence of a murdering desire.

"So… _What do you intend to do with this?"._

Raz didn't move. Despite having repeated his question, Tyki probably noticed something and carried on without waiting for reply.

"You want to destroy it, don't you?" His whisper was a breeze in the night and Raz was too slow to hide her surprise that he knew this. Tyki laughed and gestured to her. "Perfectly natural. Please, do go ahead".

"No".

The Noah's eyebrows rose slightly before the refusal, even if his twisted amusement didn't leave his expression.

"I don't want to" She clarified, unsure if to him or herself. It wasn't a complete lie… The desire of destroying still throbbed inside her, but Raz _didn't want_ to feel that and her mind focused in Lauren, Allen and the others, using their faces as chains to herself.

The desire that came from each nerve and burned her blood shocked against her wish and made her feel as if being sliced apart.

"No need to lie, _Raz._ As I said, it's just natural" He explained as if to a child before snapping his fingers in realization. "Oh, of course! Maybe you don't know it… Then let me tell you" Tyki came closer and leaned forward, even if still keeping a certain distance so she wouldn't feel pressed enough to step away. He whispered lowly, sharing a secret and dragged the words.

" _We,_ _Noah, have power to destroy Innocences…"._

Raz fought to not look at the Innocence she held. She… Could? She _could_ destroy that? Wasn't it an empty wish she could not act upon? Was there a way of… No, wait, _no!_ She didn't want to do that, she _wouldn't_ do that!

She had to keep the Innocence safe…

"If that's what you _want_ to do, why hold back?" The question was genuine and made sense. "C'mon, go ahead… _Enjoy_ it.".

Tyki's eyes were spiders grabbing her skin. The voice full of poison entered her without Raz being able to stop it… On a side, the idea of feeling the Innocence shattering under her fingers was something she longed to experience.

Maybe she should listen to him.

He was from the Clan. He was from the family.

 _Her_ Clan. _Her_ family.

 _He could have killed Allen, Alison or any of them._

Tyki took a step forward, leaning to her as if meaning to hold her hands.

"Here, dear, do you want me to teach you how?".

Raz backed away without stepping back and fighting to keep control, resolute in now letting this man notice how her flesh shivered under the skin.

Tyki saw her eyes, grey-blue stones, turning into ice shadows.

"I will _not_ do this" And wouldn't let him do it either. She had seen moments of his fight with Allen and knew there was no way of winning against him: Not only didn't she know anything about her own abilities as she didn't know fighting.

Even so, Raz would do whatever she could.

Thinking about the shadows around, Raz forgot her previous fear and wished for them. Once they shivered, some at her feet slithering against her ankles as serpents, the Noah girl forced a scream down her throat, telling herself it was alright.

Perhaps she could use this moment to try what she could do, not caring about effects or consequences.

Tyki saw what was happening and tilted his head to the side, smiling once more. However, _this_ expression made him look terrifying.

"Oh, do you _really_ want to fight _me?"._

Raz recoiled the hand with the Innocence, almost putting it behind her.

Tyki evaluated the girl, his expression becoming cruel.

A Noah protecting an Innocence. The irony was clear and it would have had some hilarity, if it didn't make his genes twist. How she had pulled Apocryphos' feathers and helped Allen was something, this now was absolutely different.

"I could _drag_ you back home." He sounded as if talking to himself about the idea. "Say, _Raz_ … Don't you want to see your _family_? Don't you want to know _who you are?"_ His voice was soft, but the girl was able to feel shards of a threat that she couldn't fully comprehend.

"I'll find about that eventually." She replied, voice an ice needle in the night's air. At her feet, the darkness was alive, shreds of mist rising as fragments of black flames.

"With the boy?".

"Allen is my friend" Raz growled. "If this means protecting Innocence, so be it!".

Tyki sighed with boredom.

Black and purple butterfly flew to her direction, small golden heads snapping their sharp fangs.

Without knowing what she was doing, just hoping _something_ would happen, Raz waved her free hand to the sky. Darkness followed the movement, creating a shield. It wasn't fast enough and while some butterflies hit it as though the shadows were solid, others passed by Raz, their fangs tearing off skin.

Tyki passed through the shadows dissipating them, the star of black matter back in his arm. Raz recoiled, but he was over her. The girl experimented visualizing the shadows and something in her felt them as an extension…

Shadows came from behind her and threw themselves against Tyki, but though they did blind him and let her get away, they were still nothing more than shadows.

" _Damn it, how can I attack?"_ She couldn't get near him without risking the Innocence. " _Okay, keep him away, try to escape, but keep this thing safe!"._

A warm wave ripped her arm. One of the butterfly bit her angrily to force her to let the Innocence go. Raz jumped in another direction as Tyki walked out the wave of shadows she had created.

"Interesting little tricks" He said. "But nothing more".

He was right.

" _No, some of those things_ hit _the shadows. Like they were physical…"_ The girl took a deep breath and concentrated… In her free hand, shadows reunited in a mist that slid and caressed her skin.

Tyki attacked, the star turned in a way so the spot when two blades joined would touch her neck, cornering the girl.

Raz raised her fist in defense. The shadows blocked the dark matter, shining as hematite stones. She tried to keep control and push that man away, but her blockade weakened and there were seconds when it was back to being just a shadow.

Tyki saw this.

"Think you can keep it up with me?".

Raz didn't answer, leaning all her weight in the darkness that covered her arm. If he didn't back off and her defense turned into shadow again, she would be caught. The girl wished with all she had that she could pierce that shield of his… And though a blade did appear over her hand, it wasn't solid and faded.

Back pressed against a tree, Raz slid. His shield turned in the last second and hit the wood, part of it brushing the exposed skin of her arm.

Her heart went in and out of rhythm as her brain pulsated in her skull in flames that hurt her eyes. She tried to raise a barrier against the needles of a dark matter, but before she could slip away, Tyki attacked.

He grabbed her neck, hitting her body against the trunk.

Flashes of his battle with Allen tore her mind and Raz knew he had just been playing with her and not taking any of this seriously at all. Three butterfly waves their wings near and one landed on her shoulder, perhaps attracted by the smell of blood and snapped its fangs at her ear.

She fought back a shiver.

Blood slid from the arm where one of those things had bitten and the arm she had used as shield hurt. Still, those were light wounds and the problem was her organism twisting inside her body as if in a process of self cannibalism. Each vein carried messages of pain and she was tired.

" _Weak… Is this all I can do? Useless…"._

When she tried to struggle, Tyki kept her in place.

"I'm really not in the _mood_ for this shit, you know?" He grabbed her wrist, digging her skin with his nails though he could use his power and force her fingers to open. "It was kinda fun, but I'm getting _bored_ ".

Raz felt the butterfly's wings brushing her face, teeth touching her flesh.

Tyki realized the fear in her eyes, despite her face still being frozen in serenity. It wasn't something she controlled, he realized, but natural. At least there was a reaction and it pleased him.

"Oh, no need to be afraid" He commented as he pressed her wrist more. It would be better if she learned that it wasn't a good idea to protect an Innocence when she was a Noah. "The Teases won't bite you anymore".

Raz tried to hold the Innocence, but her bones were hollow of weariness and part of the reason why she still stood was that Tyki held her. He didn't mean to suffocate or actually hurt, but his hand was firm to keep her still.

"Now, let it go".

She tried to struggle as the hold around her wrist got tighter. Her fingers weakened…

"Give it to me.".

A white lighting cut the air.

"Opa!" Tyki yelled with a laugh, jumping behind. Raz leaned her back in the trunk refusing to fall. Part of Allen's cape had come between them and, in the dark, he was a ghost of snow.

"I warned you" He growled, coming closer in tiger steps. "To _not_ touch a friend of mine.".

And he stood near Raz.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "I'm sorry I took so long, I…".

"I'm fine" Bitterness spread inside her. Before Allen's worry, Tyki found it humorous and scoffed a laugh.

"Please, boy, do you _actually_ believe I would really hurt a _member of the family?"_ He dragged the last words in the way of someone sharing a special secret that just Allen would understand. Golden eyes dragged over them. "I just wanted to see what she could do… And take the chance to get this".

He raised the Innocence.

"I have an idea, boy. Why don't we bet this in a poker game?" With cheerfulness in his words, it was impossible to know if he was mocking or being serious. His fingers, claws occulted in the glove, started to close and they both felt a power concentrating in his hand, pressing the Innocence.

"NO!" Allen and Raz cried at the same time and Allen went forward, too late. The Noah fingers closed over the Innocence. There was a strange gleam and once he opened his hand, a silvery dust fell.

Tyki smiled.

"Uops".

Standing still, Raz's mind provided her with the fights of Samuel, Alison throwing arrows at the akumas, Lauren being grabbed by one of them, Allen fighting that Noah…

It had been all in vain. Each action, each effort, each wound… It had been for _nothing_.

"It was actually a favor. What could you have done with this anyway? Sent to the Order by mail?" The disdain had a blade and Tyki's eyes remained in the spot the shattered Innocence had gleamed for an instant, savoring the moment as a door appeared behind him, a black thing with a number shining on the top. Raz had no idea of what this mean and didn't even manage to be surprised anymore, but saw Allen getting tense, sword half lifted to the possibility of a fight.

"Hmmm… Now let's see, what should I do?" Tyki muttered, holding his chin and pretending to be thoughtful. Allen held the sword firmly and getting in position. Even though the fight of just now had had its impact in his strength, Tyki should know him enough to not fool himself into thinking he could take him or Raz to the Earl without any resistance.

Voices cut the air until them.

" _Allen! Raz!"._

" _Where are you guys?"._

They heard cries at distance, the voices of Samuel and Alison echoing among the trees.

Hearing that as well, Tyki smiled, the same smile Allen had seen the first time he had met him as a Noah, in that night he had destroyed his Innocence.

"I wonder what they would say if they knew of everything. You didn't forget what happened with the Order, did you, boy?".

Raz didn't fully grasp what he meant, but the words had a clear effect in Allen judging by his expression and the growl that escaped his throat.

"Well, as much I would love to drag you both _home_ " He commented with a sigh and shrugging, still studying them. "I don't think I'll.". At least not now, they felt it and the reasons for this decision had nothing to do with mercy, quite the opposite. The black portal opened, revealing a white light. Though Tyki's smile was of amusement, it was of a cruel nature.

Once the Earl decided they could use Walker to attract Apocryphos (not to mention that with time perhaps his Noah genes would naturally overpower the human ones) and Raz would probably be fine (and there was a chance she would remember things with time) then there was no harm in _not_ taking them now, even if it would be so easy. This actually made him glad and the reason was simple.

Sounds of steps in the grass and foliage moving found them, growing louder by the second. The Exiled's voices came closer, still calling for them and figures appeared among the trees, the light of the portal making it easier to notice them.

"This game just turned _interesting._ It would be a waste to end it all so early. Besides…".

A noise of branches and steps. Panting, sweat drops in their forehead and, in some cases, stained with blood, Samuel, Elana, Alison and Lauren appeared among the trees. Upon seeing the Noah, they held their weapons firmly, ferocity in their eyes.

Tyki, almost going through the portal of the Ark, ignored the new arrived and looked at Allen and Raz for the last time.

"It will be so much more _fun_ when you two finally realize you have no place in this world other than with _us"._

In the end, they would come to them of their own free will.

And that was so much better.

The light extinguished when he crossed the portal and it closed without leaving traits, a nightmare that had appeared in reality. The silence weighted around them until Lauren turned to Allen and Raz, blinking as her shoulders fell.

"What was he talking about?".

 **XxX**

Allen kept his eyes on the others, mind running without finding a way inside itself. There was nothing accusing in the expressions of Alison or the others, but they were justifiable confused with the last words of Tyki Mikk.

Allen hesitated… He didn't want to lie, but he couldn't tell the truth…

"Allen can't go back to the Order" Raz's voice floated to among them in a mutter. "Apparently, the Noah think he may be useful. With information and all that…" She was a bit surprised with her own lie, though it was actually more a conjecture she had concluded than a conscious lie.

" _If only she knew…"_ Allen couldn't help but to think.

The others exchanged looks. Allen had told them a little regarding the Noah clan and mentioned how he had fought some and Raz's explanation did make sense. The blades of Samuel's spear shrunk in direction of the handle and disappeared. The whole thing shrunk until just the silver ring remained, which the man placed in his finger.

"You said things weren't going well" The inferior lip of Elana shivered a bit, but the blonde fought to turn it into a smile, with little effort as pain was still clear in her eyes along with deception. "I think you were wrong… They are _worse_ , that's what".

After Samuel and she had gone to help Alison and Lauren, managing to defeat the remaining akumas, she hadn't had any illusions of the difficult or the luck they had had.

"We need more training" Lauren commented as if reading her thoughts and sighed, refusing to show pain or weariness. "Are you guys okay?" Her chocolate eyes ran through Allen and Raz, stopping in the wound the girl had in her arm and some scratches. Wrapped in white with his blue metal mask hanging by his neck, it was harder to see if Allen had more severe injuries.

Raz was about to speak when she realized, for a reason beyond what she could understand, that she couldn't bear looking at them. It had nothing to do with her desire to destroy their Innocences (something for now she didn't feel), but something that came from herself and made her feel heavy inside.

The scent of their blood was clear in the air. The flowers of light had disappeared in the night and the ones that now bloomed under the moon and mixed their scent with the one of the leaves were actually made of their own blood.

"He got the Innocence" She said. "Destroyed it. I'm sorry, I…".

"Hey, hey…" Samuel walked to her and placed one of his strong hands over her shoulder. With his physic and under the moonlight, the dark skin seemed almost bluish and some could take him for an African prince. "You did your best. W'ere just glad you're okay".

His words did not make her feel any better.

" _I did? Was that really the best I can do?"._

Feeling a warm pressure, she realized Allen was holding her hand. Despite the touch, his and Samuel's, making her nerves turn into barb wires for not being used to it, the girl nodded in acceptance.

Still, inside her, nothing had changed her feelings.

"At least we're alive…" Lauren commented, looking around to the lights that didn't exist anymore. "Let's go back to the town… Take care of ourselves and have dinner…".

It wasn't as if they could do anything else.

A sensation of bitter emptiness escorted them during their path, a mist of defeat that was around and also inside them.

 **XxX**

Once back in town, they discussed what they should do regarding their wounds until they resolved to do what they could about them before going back to the local church. Allen still had bandages and some other stuff he had brought in the last town due to the akuma's attack and the Exiled also had their own supplies for help.

However, with the wounds of this night, it would be best to not take risks. The idea didn't please any of them, but Alison and Lauren had been the most stubborn ones without a doubt and refused until Samuel and Allen managed to convince them it was for the best.

During their conversation in the afternoon, Father Jon had been very gentle and guessed that the group would venture into the woods, regardless of his advices. Without choice, he had told them what he knew, including wounds he had helped to take care of… For all the effects, nor he or the other Father knew about the Order, for the group intense relief.

Recalling this, they had considered it would be safer to talk to him than going to the local doctor, risking question they didn't want to answer even if they couldn't actually force them to speak or even if they made some story up… In the subject of calling as little attention as possible, they would even search other ways.

When Alison told them this and said that, such a phenomenon like that one, the Order could even have sent someone already and, even if the lights would not appear anymore, the person in question would seek for answers. Of course the logic conclusion would be that some Noah had found it and destroyed it, but it could be suspicious if some doctor commented that a group of travelers had appeared to take care of strange injuries in that same night AND the wounds didn't look like they had been caused by animals or humans.

Kidding, Elana called her paranoid.

Without being offended and with irony, the green eyed woman replied she would rather be paranoid than risk any chance of falling back to the Order's radar. Lauren laughed to this and despite Allen not being able to find it funny, had a giggle agitating his lungs and going up his throat. While this made the thin pain of his bones more alive, it was goof and the sound felt like expulsing part of the pressure inside.

In the end, their decision was to clean up their wounds, cover at least a bit before going to talk to Father Jon and ask for help. It wasn't like they wanted a medical check, they just wanted the man to help them knowing if they could deal with their wounds what with they had.

When one of the akumas had grasped Lauren's in its claws, the cuts of her back had opened and one of the wounds the other had made in Samuel's chest were diagonal cuts that looked like cracks in the skin, even if the man hoped he wouldn't need stitches.

They had no desire to go to a hospital, however the last thing they needed were infections.

It would also be a kind of opportunity to tell Father Jon (and Father Mana if they met him) that, even though the boreal aurora of the forest wouldn't ever appear again, the monsters would probably be gone too…

Even so, there was something about the loss of the lights that went beyond the loss of the Innocence.

With that in mind, they went to the Inn, hiding the blood as they could and trying to not call attention, unsure of how they manage to go all the way there with their legs throbbing as they were… They hadn't spent as much time in the woods as they had felt, so they didn't think they would be bothering Father Jon… Actually, they would probably have time to go to the church a bit after the night mass.

"That Noah…" Lauren commented calmly, though she was a bit curved and tried to not move her arms. "You've fought him before, right, Allen?" The way the Noah had spoken didn't leave space for doubts. Though she, back in the days she had been part of the Order, had heard rumors about a Clan that obeyed the Millennium Earl, she had never ever met one.

" _Which is just lucky!"_ She reflected. " _Otherwise, I would probably be dead already"_ And instinctively, her fingers moved against the palm of her hand, the fingertips brushing against the fabric of her Innocence gloves. Fights against strong akumas of Level Three she had had, but never by herself and the akumas of this night had been even stronger than the ones they had met in the forest during the day… It wasn't as easy to find akumas when you didn't have the Order's coat that attracted them as a target, but the Exiled still trained together.

After tonight, Lauren didn't think it was enough. Allen was right, things seemed to be far worse than she had ever thought.

"I did" It was the white haired boy's reply, thought the actual number would be two. The first time he had actually engaged in a fight with Tyki had been in the White Ark and the second, moments before he was led to the Order and witnessed the waking of Alma Karma.

"He is a Noah that can control matter." He explained as they passed through the hallway of the inn. "Those butterflies he had with him are called Tease, cannibal golems created by the Earl… He… Controlling matter mean he can choose what to touch or not. Even… Taking out organs off people without cutting them". It was a sensation hard to forget, that of someone holding your beating heart inside your body and he had to control back a shiver. "He killed Yeegar and…".

Alison turned her head to him, hair following the movement in a grey wave as her green eyes were upon Allen. Samuel also turned to him, the news clearly shocking him.

"Yeegar?" Alison asked with a frown and a whisper. " _Kevin Yeegar?"._

"You knew him?" Allen asked surprised. He remembered well the kind general and, even after so much time, the memory of his death was still a thorn in him. It didn't matter that he didn't know the man that well, the way he had been found… Thin, eyes frozen in a point ahead and yet blind, unable to do anything else but to mutter that strange song in a voice that didn't sound human…

No one deserved such fate. And his smile, the light of his eyes… Were gone.

Alison was quiet and nodded. Samuel averted his gaze.

"I knew him" She confirmed in a voice Allen had never heard from her until now and didn't know how to recognize. At her side, Lauren and Elana avoided to look at anything that was not the floor. "He _died?"._

Unable to speak of it, Allen just nodded and expected the girl to ask for details, but Alison just became quiet and didn't say a thing. He was thankful for this, as he would have hated to describe his meeting with the man just to right after explain in what state the general had been… It had been quite a time until his body had finally ceased to continue that life that it was not even a life anymore…

Uncertain of what else he could say, the boy tried.

"He was a good person…".

Alison didn't answer. Samuel let out a muttering of agreement that sounded rather empty.

Allen almost thought about asking how he and Alison knew the man, but closed his mouth upon feeling the words on his throat. So, he decided for another thing to say.

"If you need something… Like gauze or…".

They still discussed a bit regarding their next steps, but soon decided that cleaning the blood and wounds what with they had would be enough. None of them felt like talking much with the events of this night still heavy in their minds.

Allen entered his room and sat in the bed with a deep sigh as he waited for Raz. Lauren had called her to her room, wanting something with her and among the silence of the wait, the boy finally allowed his mind to go through part of this evening events.

As they opened their way through the forest, before releasing her hand, Raz had given him a look the others didn't see. He had stared at her and nodded in agreement.

He knew that sooner or later he would have to tell her all the truth… And perhaps to the Exiled as well. Not just about the war, the occasions of when he fought the Noah with more details but also the little he knew about the Fourteenth inside him…

Raz showed no signs of being bothered to wait and respected his choice, but he doubted the girl had any idea of how big was what he was hiding from her (probably thinking it were things more related to the Order than the Noah) and the pressure of the situation increased inside him.

" _She did try to defend the Innocence. She refused to follow Tyki"_ He reflected, for he doubted the male Noah hadn't offered this to her. " _Would they… No, they_ probably _will see her as a traitor after this"_ Tyki had said he wouldn't hurt a member of the family, but Allen wasn't going to place all his faith in this. It was true that if he truly wished to do so, he could have hurt them both far more seriously and Raz would have left the woods with more than light bites from Tease and the bruise Allen had seen in formation in her pale flesh, a long shadow going from the wrist almost to the elbow.

Yet…

The fact Tyki hadn't tried to drag them with him by force was more a cause for worry than relief. The Noah Clan never did things without reason…

Surely the Noah (except the Earl, considering all things) should hate Neah for what he had done… In the occasions he had seen them, the Noah gave the impression of being very close, so Allen didn't think betrayals were common or forgiven. If anything, the way they acted was more like this action was unthinkable.

Neah…

Mana…

" _Neah fought for Mana"_ Road had said.

Just what had happened thirty five years ago?

A shadow of idea haunted his mind once more. Cross had known Neah… He remembered someone who knew Cross and… Maybe knew something too. And if it wasn't the case, it was at least a place he and Raz could go for a while. Better than roam around without idea of their next step…

" _This isn't the only thing you should be investigating… What about you? Where did you come from? Where did Allen Walker came?"_ A small voice whispered in his mind, making his stomach turn. He needed to think about this calmly… One misstep and they could create a trap for themselves.

Allen hadn't been even sure that the other Noah knew that Raz was with him and now, he could only imagine their reactions once they learnt of all that had transpired.

And he couldn't even try to imagine what was going through her mind after her first meeting with someone of the Clan.

The door opened with suavity and Raz entered, closing it behind her. In one of her hands, she had a blue tube of cream, dented until half. She raised it when saw the boy's eyes.

"Lauren told me this is great to muscle pains and bruises." She sat in the other bed, opening the tube and pressing, the white cream accumulating in her fingers before she threw it to Allen, who caught it in the air. Still silent, she started to rub her hurt arm.

The boy did the same with his own hurt flesh. He hadn't many cuts and the ones he had were light, as the Crown Clown's cape was excellent for defense, but his bones hurt and the impact of some attacks wouldn't be forgotten so early. The left side of his body was an island of pain even now.

Rubbing the cream in mechanical moves, Raz also thought about all that had happened, feeling too weak to force her mind into one path of thought or even finding some firm ground to start thinking. The words were waves that repeated in her along with images and noise…

The other Noah, Tyki Mikk, had spoken about taking her and Allen " _home"._ It was obvious he meant whatever the place he and the other members of the Clan were, but the word in itself didn't have meaning for Raz… It was just letters making a sound, sp empty and senseless as the idea of a past before the night she had woken up.

She didn't want to think about it.

(And why the Noah had spoken to Allen as if… Whatever they wanted with him, felt more personal than mere information about the Order? That had been her conclusion and most logical thing, but somehow she felt it wasn't all that).

In a way or another, as complicated and confusing it had been in the forest, with two desires so opposite as black and white tearing her essence in different directions until Raz felt she was going to break, she was relieved for keeping control over her instinct.

She _didn't_ want to go with that man.

The Earl and the others had the answers for the questions that stared to her from the mirror and Raz knew it. All she wanted to know had been within her reach, but the girl didn't feel it was worth leaving Allen for them… He had called her " _friend_ " and it was when she saw him fighting and later, when standing between Tyki Mikk and the Innocence, Raz realized the feeling was mutual.

She would find out who she was. She would search for that which she had forgotten.

But those answers wouldn't have any value if she left a friend for them.

Raz wasn't sure this was the right or sensate choice, however she couldn't be bothered. Tyki had said that it was alright in destroying the Innocence, this was what Noah did and what she had desired to do. Well, she _also_ wanted to keep traveling with Allen.

" _It will be so much more_ fun _when you two finally realize you have no place in this world other than with us"._ Was it true? Wasn't a place, in the whole world, unless with the Clan?

Allen was an Exorcist. She was a Noah.

Indeed her knowledge of the world was near to zero, that life as she knew had starter when she had woken up with nothing but her own name… However, somehow, she didn't think she or Allen or any of the Exiled could have what others would call "normal" life.

(And why he had said that about Allen as well? With the Order or not, he was compatible with Innocence).

She didn't even comprehended what it meant to be a Noah.

Just like when she passed by moments when she didn't understand who she was and felt insecure regarding her won existence. Maybe she was just a dry leaf that would already be taken by the wind in direction of forgetfulness, if not for the wrapper of flesh that involved her.

Could she _exist?_

In the Bible, Noah had been chosen by God to be saved and save others from the Deluge and start humanity anew… If that was true (possible metaphors aside, he had been chosen anyway), then why in that Holy War (this was almost a joke, a war being holy) then why the Noah Clan was making akumas and fighting against Exorcist to exterminate humanity?

It didn't make any sense.

Once more, her train of thought led her back to the idea of religion… And she wondered why there were so many different religions, but the answer was more between the lines of what Father Mana had told her before. Maybe those were different ways of believing in the same "thing"… Last night, Allen had told her about some he knew, including rituals he had seen during his trips and, the ones he mentioned, all seemed to have the same objective: To teach others to be kind, respect others…

If this was how it was in the end, each person could choose the way they felt more comfortable to talk to God?

She shook her head, this was assuming God _existed…_

Sitting in his bed, Allen leaned his foot in the mattress and lifted the end of his pants to his knee, rubbing the cream against his flesh. The pressure created a wave of ache that he ignored.

He had been through worse.

He thought Alison and Samuel… Even knowing that they all had been members of the Order someday, he hadn't actually thought how they could have met people he knew (Cross was another matter, he travelled so much some members of the Order though he was dead). Maybe someday he could ask them about General Yeegar.

A smile appeared in his face as he remembered Samuel speaking about Cross.

" _What master would say about everything of those last weeks?"_ He almost laughed, imagining that he would probably limit himself to stare at him, call him a "stupid disciple" and ask for a bottle of wine. Maybe he would call him such _two_ times for helping Raz…

" _But the Master knew Neah, at least a bit… Maybe even Mana"_ In fact, Cross had been the one who had given him at least _some_ information regarding him. In this point, Allen couldn't deny that the Master had been _honest_ with him.

The words of when Cross had revealed his state as host for the Fourteenth's memories returned.

" _What if I told you that, when you become the Fourteenth, you'll kill someone you love?"._ Allen controlled to not shake his head, ignoring the sensation that he always had when remembering those words.

No.

That was _not_ going to happen.

He had already decided that he would _kill_ himself if he started to lose control.

However, considering the actual situation and what had happened this night, Allen wasn't more hurt and Raz was lucky she hadn't been dragged to the Black Ark against her will (same applied to him, honestly). The idea Allen had had in the train (it had been just a while ago, but it felt like days) came back stronger.

"Raz…" He muttered, aware that this could be very dangerous for many reasons, but no longer caring.

"Listen, what do you think about training together?".

The girl raised her eyes to him, inexpressive. Training whatever those shadows actually were should be for the best, even if she didn't know _how…_ But an Exorcist and a Noah training together? It sounded weird even to _her_ , a creature still outside the full context of this war.

Allen saw the hesitation appearing in her eyes and soon disappearing, as fishes that came to the surface for a second, before going back to the depths where they lived, so quickly they could be reflections of the moonlight.

"Oh, c'mon, we can _try,_ don't you think?" He insisted. "Raz, you will just learn to control it by getting used to it…".

Raz couldn't avoid being s bit scared… The memory of what happened in the train was too alive and went in fight with the frustration she had had when trying to defend herself and the Innocence from the other Noah.

But she didn't know what those shadows did. What if there was a time she was unable to stop? The possibility, plus the murdering desire she had felt in the alley and when she had held the Innocence this night made her body froze inside and become rigid, as if the shadows were inside her and Raz needed to focus all the time to keep them away.

Both sensations were hateful and she couldn't avoid either.

" _Learn how to do it. What good is to feel useless and do nothing to change it?"._

"What if I can't keep control?" She had decided already, but there was the necessity of expulsing that possibility from inside her and the Noah stared at him. "What if I hurt you?".

A part of her doubted she would be able too. Allen managed to hold his own against Tyki Mikk and she wasn't even close.

To her surprise, Allen gave out a sweet laugh. In the end, they did share some worries before the same idea. It was somehow funny… He hadn't spoken of this before for this same detail. All the fights he had had with the Noah passed by his mind. And now, here he was offering to help a Noah to train and _she_ was hesitating due to the risk of hurting him.

The Earl would have a seizure if he heard that, Allen guessed. And no one in the Order would believe it if he told them. Standing and placing a hand on her shoulder, he smiled.

"We'll go easy. Training, you can start to remember how to control this and then we can find out how you used them" The risks were still the same, however it was something he _wanted_ to do.

Raz nodded.

"Very well. Let's do this!".

 **XxX**

Father Jon and Father Mana were not upset to examine their wounds, but they didn't approve the fact they _had_ gone to the forest anyway. Not having contact with the Order, none of them had knowledge of akumas or Innocence.

"You were insane." Father Jon said softly, shaking his head. He was older then Father Mana, his hair a light wave whose brown had someday been dark and now it was clear, majority of the threads as white as Allen's. "You could have gotten more hurt or even killed.".

His eyes, behind his glasses of black rims, examined the cut in Samuel's chest. Even after cleaning the flesh, when the man had taken off the bandage, the wound still looked a deep crack in the black muscles.

"I don't know _what_ did this, but it doesn't seem to have left fragments in the flesh" He commented to himself, inspecting it for pieces of weapon or animal's claws. "But I better stitch it".

The corners of Samuel's mouth twisted as if he had bitten something bitter and he averted his eyes when the Father turned to the table where there were some medical utensils.

Raz realized she also didn't feel like seeing this.

Between trainings, it was frequent from the Order to offer Finders and Exorcists alike information and "classes" about medical procedures in case they got hurt in missions and had no way of going to a doctor, what was useful. She had attended some of those classes, but even now Elana thought was better to learn all she could and took a sit at Samuel's side to watch.

Before finding out she was compatible with the Innocence that would be her fan, the blonde had dreamed about being a doctor.

Father Mana was finishing examining Lauren. Alison had excused herself after they had closed the wound on her shoulder (it had been for little she hadn't needs the same procedure as Samuel) and left the room.

Father Mana had told Lauren that, just like Allen's leg would probably be in pain for weeks, she would feel it in her back and ribs.

Somehow, the girl thought it wouldn't be for that long. It didn't make sense and she knew it, however there were moments the girl had the sensation that due to all the fighting and being used to it, their bodies felt like healing faster than normal.

" _Don't be stupid!"_ She told herself.

"I do not know why you felt the need to do this" Father Mana commented, leaving with Lauren from behind a folding screen that was left in the secretary to pin notes and news about the mass and he had used it so Lauren and Alison didn't feel exposed (though it wasn't that necessary, once many times the Exiled took care of each other's wounds). "But at least it wasn't worse…".

"Things now will probably get better" Allen commented. "The monsters should go away now" At least this was what he hoped for, certainly the Earl knew he and Raz wouldn't stay in the city after being found out by Tyki. And without the Innocence here, there would be no reason to send more akumas, right?

Father Mana smiled to him and messed his hair.

"I don't know if you're brave or crazy, young man" When they had arrived and met him, Father Mana smiled and greeted Raz, commenting how they had talked a bit during the afternoon as the others spoke to Father Jon.

"A bit of both, I guess…" Samuel replied, still not looking as Father Jon stitched his cut. The old fingers moved with skill and care of someone used to what they are doing.

"The lights won't appear anymore either…" Lauren repeated what they had said already. This had made her more upset than what she was going to admit. It wasn't as if they lived there and had gotten used to seeing the northern lights-like event among the woods and there was no way the Innocence would be there forever. If not this night, then at some other moment the Noah would get it, or then it would be someone of the Order…

In the end, those lights had no chance of lasting forever.

Father Mana looked from Allen to her and Father Jon, finishing closing Samuel's, stood and approached her in slow steps as the other man dressed a clean shirt.

"Depends of how you see it, young lady" Father Jon said with a firm voice. "What we saw every night was a beauty that was there since long before. I always saw that as a manifestation of the forest itself, a creation of God. Just because we can no longer see it, doesn't mean it is not there. While that forest exists, those lights will exist too".

He remained quiet, old eyes in young ones.

"At least, this is what I believe in. Perhaps it is just my age…".

Lauren didn't think it was that and felt a bit better with that idea. Maybe he was sure and just because they could no longer see the lights, it didn't mean they were actually extinct. Perhaps there was a bigger beauty in that forest, in the life there was there…

She thought about ways of replying and didn't find any in words, limiting herself to a smile.

And as beautiful as that had been, it was at least nice to know it wouldn't attract more akumas. People wouldn't be hurt anymore…

They still talked for a bit more and, to Allen and the other's relief, the two older men felt them didn't want to speak about who they were and what they had done and respected this desire. Samuel had found such people in their trips, as he had met others who had suffocated him with questions and stared at him with distrust before his refusal, evasive answers or even lies, as if they could sense there was something wrong.

" _The good of traveling so much"_ He had commented years ago with Elana. " _Is that we don't stay too much in the same place, so you learn to not mind so much what people think about you"._

Upon seeing them, Alison Rouwen, who had been sitting in of the church's banks, stood and came to them, once more thanking the Fathers for their attention and help, followed by the others. Father Mana smiled and waved his hand.

"It was nothing, really. This is what we're here for" He commented kindly, holding a laugh. "Doctor Marcoh studied with me, he jokes about opening his clinic at the church's side and work together".

Among laughter, his gaze became serious as he studied the group.

"I know you're just passing by. I don't know what you're searching for, but I hope you'll find it".

At his side, Father Jon closed his eyes with a sigh, shaking his head with an expression the others couldn't fully identify.

"We don't know the burden you carry… But even if I wasn't a priest, I would see that it is heavy." He looked at them with deep eyes. "But I do believe you have strength. You won't be carrying this alone… We shall pray for you all".

As they said their goodbyes and turned to leave, deciding to have a well-deserved dinner and discuss their next step (leaving town next morning if possible, no matter where to, was the better), Father Mana looked at Raz.

"I hope things will be alright".

"So do I…" She muttered, completely uncertain of how to say what she wanted. In the end, she decided for something that while not enough, it was at least simple. "I hope things will be fine here, too".

On exit, with the air of the night that came from beyond the doors and carried the smell of grass, Raz stopped for a second as the group went to the gates and turned back.

Her eyes landed on the crucified Jesus. He who had become a mortal man, leaving his divine condition to die in that way simply out of love. For each of them, the ones who had died long before, the ones who lived in his time and those who would be born…

" _Does that mean he died for me as well?"._

" _Love thy neighbor like thyself"_ She had read Jesus had said this was the more important commandment, along with " _Love thy God above all things"…_ It made sense. If you believed God, Creator that in prayers was called " _Father",_ shouldn't you love Him above all?

The Noah girl changed her weight from a foot to another, black threads falling over her eyes, uncertain about the right way of doing what she had in mind.

" _I… I'm still not sure about a lot of things…"_ She reflected, awkwardly, eyes fixated in the altar and wondering if it was like this people prayed or talked. " _And I'm afraid…"._

Though she had admitted this, it had been in an emotional level that didn't need words. It was different from now.

" _Afraid of what I am, of what I don't remember, of what I don't know… But I still_ want _to know the truth"_ A sigh got caught in her throat, tangled in her flesh as this was also another thing that scared her. " _Not just about all those things, but to know about everything that truly happened…"._

She ran her eyes through the church. The saints portrayed in colored glasses in the windows, the angels… From where she was, she couldn't see, but she knew the statues of Mary and Joseph were there in the corners ahead…

And her gaze once more went to Jesus in the cross. Something inside her became firmer and what was supposed to be a thought became a whisper.

"I think that… If there is a God for me to follow… I _want_ him to be you".

* * *

 **Ana: I guess that was a close one for you guys.**

 **Tyki: Are you FREAKING kidding me? I had they cornered, right there, and I didn't take them? WHAT?**

 **Ana: With the chance of Apocryphos coming out of his hiding to get Allen and his Noah genes changing him with time, especially after Kanda's attack… And _your_ natural sadism…**

 **Tyki: I should have brought them back even if I had to break their legs for this!**

 **Raz: Wow, what a loving family I see I have…**

 **Allen: And they still wonder why I DON'T want to join them?**

 **Earl: Well, while the thought of them coming to me out of their own free will is pleasant, I must side with Tyki-pon. What were you thinking? Wisely?**

 **Wisely: I'm not looking into** _ **her**_ **mind! Every time I try it, I get headaches and visions of Hell!**

 **Ana: … Honestly, I'm not sure if this is an offense or a compliment…**

 **Wisely: See?**

 **Alison: Excuse me, can we go back to the story?**

 **Ana: Just a little time has passed by, so it is still too early for some things, such as Allen telling the truth to everyone (Including Raz), but give it time.**

 **Kanda: Out of the way! –** _ **Pushes others –**_ **Can you tell me where am I in this mess?**

 **Ana: In Mattel, for all I know, mourning Alma's death and figuring out what you'll do. Hey, in the manga it took you three months more or less to go back to the Order, my guess is that this place is quite far…**

 _ **jy24:**_ _Well, it wasn't this time he took her and Allen to the Earl, but yeah, let's be honest: This is bound to happen at some time._

 _Allen: Oh, C'MON!_

 _Ana: It's the sort of luck Hoshino gave you, ever noticed the amount of crap that happens to you? You never catch a break!_

 _Raz: And me?_

 _Ana: You're getting burned because you hang with him._

 _ **Sparklehannah:**_ _Wow, this… This was really the kind of review I love the most… I…_

 _Alison: You're blushing._

 _Ana:_ You _be quiet. I really love when readers tell me in details what they like about the plot, how they feel about the characters and their hopes for what will happen! It is really the best! Thank you so much, it means everything to me!_

 _Allen: Why people love me being kicked out of the Order?_

 _Lauren: I can answer this one! It's because it opens a field of possibilities, to explore both sides of the war in a new perspective, going out of the old "Good vs. Evil" simple mindset, making this way more complex! Well, and due to drama, too._

 _Ana: I indeed try to explore all sides. Even if a side of this war_ is _evil (and I don't believe there are usually_ right _sides in wars), the people in it may not be. Take the Order, let's be honest, they_ suck _. The deal with Alma, imprisoning Allen after all he did, they are NOT saints. But then we have people like Miranda, Johnny, the ones who are great people._

 _Allen: At least they still believe in me…_

 _Ana: It is called being "friends". I try to give as many details as I can (honestly, not easy with so many characters), not forgetting anyone. And I've always seen Krory and Miranda as being the MOST loyal to Allen due to personal reasons. Not saying Lenalee and the others aren't._

 _Levelier (_ smile _): I was merely making a necessary interrogation, following the standard procedure._

 _Alison: Oh, yeah, because things really go by the standard procedure regarding Allen! Even I know this stuff!_

 _Ana: That scene was one of my favorites too, actually! I loved working the tense meeting and the others feelings. Plus, I have my plans to EVERYONE, even Levelier. When planning the fic, I had the idea for the Exiled and thought "why not"?_

 _Allen: I'm still a bit surprised that someone like Samuel managed to be friends with my Master… And after all, is he alive or not?_

 _Ana: Not saying, perhaps you'll know if you receive more deb…_

 _Allen: Don't! I don't wanna hear! This word doesn't exist! Lalalala lari lala! –Covering eyes-._

 _Ana: Yeah, the Earl and Wisely are being close mouthed for now regarding all that happened in the past. Actually, so much that in the manga even Sheryl tried to force Bookman to tell what he knew… More because he also freaked out when Road disappeared._

 _Wisely: It is a painful subject… And quite complicated._

 _Earl (wiping a tear): Indeed, so much pain happened… I told you, even the events regarding Yuu Kanda and Alma Karma weren't as sad._

 _Ana: As we say here, "pimenta nos olhos do outro é colírio". Pepper in other's eyes is eyes drops… As if you're not the biggest source of misery around…_

 _Earl (Softly): What did you_ just _say, dear?_

 _Ana: Nothing, nothing… I agree, Tyki is awesome, as I said he is one of my favorite Noah. I love that "noble/vagabond" style and how scary he can be when he wants to (he ripping out Allen' Innocence and threatening to take his heart out? Going berserk in the Ark? I watch horror movies like a fanatic and that scene gave me the shivers!)._

 _Tyki: I feel you still didn't let me use all my potential here…_

 _Ana: It's still in the beginning of the fic, have patience, all Might Mr. I Like to Rip People's Organs Out… For now, the Order is merely hunting Allen with special agents, but with the portals he used, they have no idea of where to begin and little chance of getting his trail. So, they are just trying to hunt him without a single clue…_

 _Allen: I had to have SOME luck around here._

 _Samuel: And we're used to stay hidden, we ran away from the Order years ago. But then again, they believe we're dead…_

 _Ana: As I said, some stuff of the manga I'll follow and others… I'll change. I planned this during Hoshino's long hiatus and the more recent chapters have nothing to do with this. As for meeting Miranda and Krory… I can't say. Who knows?_

 _Neah: As for, I was brought closer to Allen's conscious level due to the samurai attack, until now I could only communicate with him in critical situations, like when he was near dead. And later, in the Ark, that was my room and helped things get easier._

 _Ana: So, if he is now closer to being erased by you, we can all thank Kanda._

 _Kanda: HEY!_

 _Neah: Indeed. I'm still too weak to take over Allen by force. And actually, if I use all my strength, I can destroy him and that wouldn't be good for me. And with his Innocence keeping him safe, it isn't easy…_

 _Ana: You're not even aware enough to see what he sees, so he doesn't even know Raz is with him. For now…_

 _Allen: Oh, no! No way! He tried to kill the Noah, how can I know he wouldn't try to kill Raz?_

 _Neah: You can't._

 _Allen: Oh, nice…_

 _Elana: Would you guys quit the "switching body control" fiesta? It looks like Allen is arguing with himself, it is the weirdest thing ever…_

 _Ana: Once again, thank_ so much _for the review and your words! It really means a lot to me that you like this story and my OCs! Thank so much!_


	10. Act Ten – Goodbye, Not a Farewell

" _A song can take you back instantly to a moment or a place or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment" – Sarah Dessen._

 **Act Ten – Goodbye, Not a Farewell.**

A family diner was a scene that could go between extremes of coldness and warmth. People talking or just "exchanging words", sounds that could go from voices to the icy noise of cutlery among the silence. An atmosphere that had the capacity of involving and suffocate, slowly turning the air cold until the lungs would hurt.

Someone who, by chance, saw the family in question, would have felt a pleasant atmosphere, heard a conversation and laughs and would probably smile to it.

One wouldn't have seen murderers. Wouldn't have seen a threat to the existence of all humanity.

Wouldn't have seen why those who know them frequently referred to them as _monsters._

Maybe someone with higher sensibility to what hid between lines and sensations slithering in the air as a weird radio wave would have _some_ chance at feeling something what would warn his/her soul and trigger a response in the nerves. But it would be due to instincts reacting before a threat that could only be felt… Yet, no matter what they were, the essence of the scene was still this: A pleasant family dinner.

To the Noah, those were more common than lunches once during the day, they frequently were in different towns and missions, even having the Black Ark as the most efficient way of transportation. And some of them still enjoyed traveling by feet or train sometimes when back of a mission to inform the success to the Earl.

Jasdero and Devit babbled cheerfully between them, sometimes (trying) provoking others with comments. Maashima and Tyki Mikk discussed a book the later had read for suggestion of the first. Fiidora and Sheril reported to the Earl (sitting at the head of the table, his rightful place as family leader) about the last hours they had passed torturing the redheaded Exorcist (if to take information out of Bookman or to satisfy their anger of Exorcists in general, it was hard to know).

But not all members of the family were there. Wisely, Toraido and Lullubell were absent due to obligations.

And the chair near the Earl, that Road usually sat on, was just as empty.

With his mental power, Wisely had managed to go through the particular "dream" dimension she had and feel her state of recuperation. The info hadn't been more or less than what the others felt in their own blood: Road was alive, but the impact of Apocryphos had run through her nerve endings in a destructive lightening that found its way until her _essence_. So, naturally, she had retracted herself in order to heal.

She was in no life-risk, but it would take time until she came back.

There was no surprise in _this,_ however once he heard it, Sheril had almost lost all self control before the idea of his "daughter" getting hurt to this point, once regular attacks of Innocence weren't able to reach her (as Allen Walker had learned first in the Rewinding Town and later in the Ark). Not that the others had accepted it without caring or without fury, but they were better in control it than the Noah of Desire.

If questioned about the reason for these emotions, the Noah would be surprised by a question they would consider moronic. The answer could have ramifications, but it would be just one: They were a family.

The last time Road had been in such position, had been a long time ago.

And the cause hadn't been any Innocence.

"He didn't talk much" Fiidora was telling the Earl calmly, cutting a piece of beef. "And he didn't actually say anything very _useful"._ Between him and the Earl, Sheryl chewed in silence with head held high as the noble he was, however those who knew him could have noticed the smallest details of his actual mood the same way one could notice the signs that predict a climatic change.

There was a storm inside of him.

"Bookman is not a fool". The Earl replied in the same tone, lacking the usual cheerfulness to let the calculative air of a predator more exposed than usual. "I warned that he would take care with his own words. No doubt for now he will just say what he thinks we'll consider enough to keep him alive without causing much damage to the Order".

"I do wonder why" Fiidora grumbled, ignoring when Jasdero started to laugh of something Devit just said. "It isn't as if he is _truly_ loyal to the Order and can't risk losing the brat" He was sure that Bookman's motivations didn't fall to anything as noble as sympathy or care for another life, but rather the simple fact that he was too old to afford the luxury of losing an apprentice and go through the work of finding another and restart the training (if he survived and managed to escape, to begin with).

"Perhaps he is quite afraid of turning into a Fallen One" The Earl suggested to which Sheryl smiled lightly. Without a doubt that would be a pleasant vision and an interesting punishment. The chances were high (for all they knew of the Fallen procedure) since he, Bookman or not, loyal to the Order or not, the man was compatible with Innocence and was under the same risks other Exorcists such as Suman Dark (and the damn bastard knew that very well). The Earl also knew that the others were interrogating him not only regarding the Order but also the Fourteenth, something he allowed once he didn't like to speak about it… At least not yet. Besides, Bookaman could have information about Neah that even _he_ didn't know about, who knew?

The old man confessed that Cross was the one who had told Allen Walker about Neah and his state as host, something the Earl hadn't imagined possible even if it made the most sense. He had had suspicions that Cross had known Neah better than he had thought (so much the patriarch had considered that the red-haired was the one to whom Neah left the legacy of "Player" of the Ark), but that he knew even what Allen Walker truly was…

Golden eyes hid behind glasses went though the others. Maashima talked about a part of the book with Tyki, whose glass still had a bit of wine near an empty plate. The Noah of Pleasure didn't have quite an exigent and picky taste such as his brother, but knew how to appreciate a better food like anyone else.

Maashima shook his head with a smile as he commented about the choices made by a particular character and what had pushed him to it (apparently, he considered whatever it was the best decision in the situation).

"It would be better if Wisely just broke his mind" Sheryl sighed with a cold smile, even though he knew the idea to be _useless._ Bookman had been trained to protect the information he had in several ways and this included ways a normal person usually was unaware of. Wisely could dissect his mind in search of what they wanted and there was still the risk that his abilities would leave the old man's mind in an unrecoverable state without them getting all they wanted to know. A risk they didn't want to have.

 _Yet._

"But he can't go on like this for long" Fiidora intervened, turning to the other. "Not with my worms inside that brat of his".

The Earl nodded to both as an akuma took away his plate and substituted it for a large cup of ice cream, serving it to the others as well. Jasdero attacked it without hesitation and just Maashima opted rather for a piece of cake, not being a fan of cold food.

"At some time, the successor won't be able to stand it anymore, neither will him. Bookman knows this." The Earl carried on. "Patience is needed, let him go through his options and decide what to say as he want, in the end it won't help him." There were ways and ways of winning someone's resistance. In some cases, a direct and violent approach, in other's subtlety and well placed words against psyche…

In others, all you needed was time and patience.

Knowing the value of his information, an ultimate with a death threat wouldn't work (at least not verbally and so soon, even if it had been weeks since they were there). The way to weaken Bookman and his apprentice was, little by little, leave the threat of pain and death to create firm roots inside them along with Fiidora's worms.

With time passing, Bookman would realize that what he judged "information safe to tell" were ending and that he and his pet pupil wouldn't be able to hold on the torture of the Noah (though what Bookman truly feared, they knew, was the loss of all his valuable knowledge he had gained through years and his "successor", not the loss of " _Lavi_ ". Besides, he wouldn't be able to register the history of that war if he was dead).

Those threats, never spoken out loud and rather felt, would have their time growing seeds inside them and there would be a moment when Bookman wouldn't have a choice besides telling what the Noah wanted to know.

Patience and time, with a dosage of pain. Simple, but efficient.

Sheryl shrugged, still with a small smile, aware of all this even though the old man's resistance annoyed his desire for information.

The talk took another path, about a party hosted by a politician in another town some days ago, which they had attended. Hearing this, Devit giggled, happy he hadn't gone there while Sheryl shivered with the idea of the twins in a fancy party. Devit and his brother caught this reaction and demanded to know what it meant.

At the end of the dinner, Sheryl and Tyki were the first to stand.

"Going already?" Maashima asked. The brothers nodded. When they stood near each other, it was easier to see similarities in their features.

"Yeah, we better get going" Tyki replied nonchalantly, running his hand through his hair. Even though Road had liked it so much and he was getting used to it, he was seriously thinking about cutting it sometime. At his side, Sheryl smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm anxious! It's so nice to spend time with my dear brother!".

"Stop that" Tyki pushed his hand away, rolling eyes and ignoring the mocking grin of Jasdero. "You give me goosebumps".

The Earl looked at them with a gleam that was hard to interpret.

"You both know what to do. No more and no less." He told them in a soft tone that had a gentle warning quite similar to a father remembering his children to behave in a store before he waved. "So, good luck! Come back safely!".

 **XxX**

"Welcome back!" Reever said, approaching the two exorcists who nodded and greeted back. Behind him, the portal of the Ark created a light that involved their bodies in a white halo, creating a contrast with the black clothing.

Krory hid his hand in one of his pockets, taking out a small shinning thing. Reever saw his fingers were stained by dried blood, cracking in some points as an old glove.

"It was a close call, but we did it" He muttered as Lenalee, at his side, just looked to the Innocence. Though they were of different groups (he, from Sokalo unit and she from Klaud's), there were moments when the members of different units would leave in missions together. Krory and Lenalee were friends and worked well together, which was a favoring fact.

While the three of them walked to wing where Hevlaska stayed, someone saw them pass by and opened her way among people who went in the opposite direction.

"Krory! Lenalee!" Miranda's dark hair was a wave in her back. "Welcome back, okaerinasai!" The young woman still managed a smile. "How are you guys?".

"A bit hurt, but fine otherwise" Krory told her and hesitated for a second. It was always necessary to tell every detail about their missions so the department could try having a notion of the progress of Noah and Akuma alike.. "We found two akuma level Three and a Noah".

Reever turned to them at once. Miranda became very quiet.

"Which one?" She asked in a whisper. The only Noah she had personally seen had been the woman with a ponytail who had invaded the Order last time and a guy with messy hair she had seen in Russia who had held them there with the Noah twins. Reever's eyes went from Krory to Lenalee, but the girl remained in silence.

"That guy with black messy hair, and a sword" The vampire Exorcist told her. It had been the same guy they had seen in Russia. "He said his name was Toraido". He knew what both expected and shook his head. "He didn't say anything about him".

"Do you think…".

"No. If they were with him, he would have said so. It would have been quite a blow to us." Krory replied aware that if he said Allen's name, some people around would turn their heads and he could bet anything that soon Revelier would want he and Lenalee to report the mission to him personally.

Krory didn't feel at all like putting up with Levelier. It had been weeks since the man had called him, Miranda and Lenalee to have a "talk", but to Krory one time had been quite enough.

In her silence, Lenalee lived again the fight of hours ago. Aware that they couldn't stand against a Noah for long without being severely hurt, they had decided to get the Innocence as fast as they could and run back to the Ark's portal.

They recalled far too well the fights in the White Ark and how, during the attack to the Order in Alma Karma's case, the Noah had just fought them to keep them from getting back to help and had left once they felt the Earl telling that it was enough.

All the time they thought about it, they were forced to recognize that, directly, they rarely won a fight against the Noah.

It wasn't a comforting thought.

" _How can we win this war?"_ Krory reflected, for as much as they fought, as much as the time passed by, it felt as an unending spiral under the illusion of progress.

Lenalee had fought akumas at Krory's side, avoiding letting them get the Innocence and seeking to escape Toraido's attack. The sword in his hand was different from Allen's and the Earl's, but not less dangerous. The black blade seemed to shiver somehow and when the Noah waved it, it created a pressure in the air that went forward with a fury able to tear bodies apart inside out.

It was the first time they faced the Noah of Judgment like that…

Without saying a word, Toraido attacked while Lenalee tried to avoid him. The environment around heated with the fight and even with the Dark Boots in their new form, she couldn't avoid the feeling (or the mental image) that she was somehow melting inside and wouldn't be able to stand it if she stopped avoiding him. Nearby, Krory attacked the akuma, who had laughed and provoked, asking if the Noah Master would let them tear apart the bodies of the exorcists who were with them after they were done torturing them.

Among a storm of heat and wind, Lenalee tried to interrogate the Noah, find out if he knew something about Allen and what they were doing to Lavi and Bookman. The Noah male just stared at her with eyes of golden ice.

At a moment, Lenalee almost managed to kick him, but Toraido hit with the sword and a wave of cutting heat attacked her body to devour flesh. The girl gained the skies, escaping. The impact of Toraido's sword opened a cut in her thigh and blood was freed.

Lenalee ignored it, still trying to inquire him until she attacked, aiming a kick in his head.

Toraido turned a second before the impact, grabbing her ankle, the fingers of iron crunching the bone.

" _Do_ shut up" He hissed in such a cold voice that dissipated all others sensation. Without waiting for answers, he threw her in the opposite direction. Lenalee managed to find balance in the air, but it was filled by unseen flames and a storm caught her in surprise. A wound appeared in her arm when the wind itself cut her.

Face empty of all emotion unless traits of deep boredom, Toraido kept attacking.

"Do you actually believe I have the duty of telling you whatever it is?" He asked in a controlled and tedious tone, not even panting even if he was in constant movement. Lenalee growled, defending herself. A ray or pain ran over her body and she bit her lower lip.

" _Allen… Lavi… Bookman…"_ It was all because of them, those Noah.

"You should open your eyes" The Noah went on, never altering his expression. An explosion behind them told Lenalee that Krory had probably defeated one of the akuma. Toraido didn't mind it. "You're an Exorcist, the host of the Fourteen is fated to become a Noah. Why do you pretend to care for him?" The question had nothing besides a dry doubt. The boy would be a Noah either if his conscious was erased by Neah or if he managed to survive it.

"Pretend? How dare you…" Lenalee started, being cut by him.

"He was in a dungeon when Joyd and Road found him" He recalled, reporting the fact with simplicity. "The Order already sees him as an enemy. He has nothing to do with you any longer" Not that the host, Allen Walker, seemed to have comprehended that considering what Tyki had told about his meeting with him weeks ago.

Lenalee felt as if words had cut her as his sword. She opened her mouth to talk back, but Toraido just told her to be quiet and attacked again.

Somehow, they had escaped alive and with the Innocence. She wouldn't know how to tell all this in details, parts of the fight had became a blur in her mind and she was even grateful for it.

She wouldn't be able to sleep again if she wasn't able to forget at least some moments from the fights. Still, the Noah's words had left marks and she knew Krory had heard them as well, with his heightened senses of vampire.

She held her elbows, far from all that was being said around. No, she had to believe in Allen, she had to believe in him… Just because he carried memories of a Noah, it didn't mean anything, right? Allen would never change, nothing would ever change, she _knew_ it.

" _But why he left?"_ The question slithered in her mind, a snake spreading poison. " _He knew that if he left, we would have to fight someday"_ He could have come back, certainly together they could have explained what had happened and the Order would have understood. After all, it was the logic, right? If the Noah were after him, wasn't it obvious that at some moment they would try taking him by force?

If at least she could find him, she was sure she could explain to him that he _needed_ to come back and explain things calmly. His return by free will would help prove that he was not at the Noah's side. The longer he stayed away, more people would start to doubt his loyalty!

Allen needed to come back.

" _He has nothing to do with you any longer"_ Toraido had said.

No, he didn't know a thing about Allen. He was not an enemy and she wouldn't fight him.

The girl took a deep breath with care so no one would notice it. And Lavi… Lavi was still there with the Noah…

"Hey, guys!" A member of the Science Department called as they passed by holding the Innocence. Panting the woman leaned, hands on her knees. "Thought you guys should know!".

She lifted her face to them.

"Chaozii woke up!".

 **XxX**

"Help me turn this table a little" Elana asked as lifting a side of a long oak table with carvings in the legs and feet. Raz picked the other side and they carried it together, turning it to a corner in the wall so Elana could roll the rug on the floor.

At a corner in the living room, there was a bucket and a rag to clean it.

Right in the day after fighting for the Innocence, the Exiled, Allen and Raz had left the town in a train to some random city, not wanting to risk not even a day. After two days wandering, Elana and Raz had convinced an old man to hire them to clean his house as long as they stayed in the city. Lauren and Alison still sought something they could do to gain money.

Samuel and Allen had stayed in the station, having managed a job helping men to take off and load boxes and baggage in the trains. In the night they got the job, Samuel told them how some men had expressed doubt that Allen would stand the heavy work (easy to see why: Near a bear like Samuel, Allen looked even smaller and thinner than usual) until the boy had proved them wrong by carrying a huge box made of heavy wood.

Preferring to get as much money as he could, for the eventually of future emergency, Allen had still passed by some bars after dinner and got a reasonable amount, with care to not go far enough to people to remember or to get known.

And even after all had called it a day, when they looked to the windows containing nothing more than darkness, Allen and Raz would leave to an empty park and train.

Allen still didn't activate the Exorcist Sword in those sessions, which Raz had protested at first, but he had been firm in this decision. Crown Clown as his arm would be quite enough for now, later maybe they could change things.

It hadn't been easier at first. Raz was afraid of the unknown sensations that moved in her organs as black snakes, and it was hard to learn something that should come as natural and didn't. It was the same as teaching someone how to breathe.

Due to this, the control didn't come as easy as it did to Allen and his Innocence. It was having something immense inside oneself and it would take but a crack to make all ruin and let that thing spread around in a gleeful fury. And like Tyki had said, it was as the desire of shattering the Innocence, something with a good sensation and therefore, harder to resist.

Seeing this, Allen had divided the training in two parts: At first, Raz practiced her control, invoking shadows and experimenting what she could do with them and until which point they bended to her wish. After this, they fought, Allen showing attacks and defensive moves as they fought one against the other.

Now she could solidify shadows more easily, yet when she battled Allen, there were still moments when her control slipped and they were again a dark mist. Her agility and reflexes were getting better, as if her body recalled what it had known even if her mind had forgotten.

But there was still something else besides this that made Raz almost certain that her memories still existed deep inside her: Her sleep.

It wasn't always, but there were some nights she dreamt something she was sure had to do with her past, even though she usually couldn't recall exactly. One night, Raz had woken up from what had been a storm of shadows and sounds, images and figures that had ran to the depths of her mind without her being able to bring them back to decipher them and their meaning. They just hid, like cruel children, laughing at her.

It had to have been a nightmare, for her body shivered as if it was not her own and there was a dry scream suffocating her throat, her eyes hurt with water… She wanted to cry, she knew it, but didn't know why and her tears didn't come anymore, useless as they would have been. So, Raz limited herself in making some shadows move in the walls before wrapping herself in the covers and try to sleep again.

She did wonder what kind of memory this had been.

"Ra-az?" Elana snapped her fingers in front of her, making the girl back away as she was shaken from her thoughts. "You went on flying and left me here alone".

Raz waved in apology.

"Sorry, I had my mind elsewhere." To this, Elana nodded in understanding before carrying on.

"Well, would you rather pass the rag in the floor or clean up the shelves?" At another side of the room, there were three shelves near the wall, with old-looking books, small sculptures and boxes richly worked, one in Arabic style, and portraits. The old man who had hired them lived alone since the death of his wife years ago and the woman in the photos (who they assumed had been her), was always smiling.

"I'll take the shelves" She decided, picking a rag and continuing the cleaning as Elana, satisfied, passed another rag in the floor with something that left a nice smell in the air.

"How long do you think we'll be staying here?" Elana asked and Raz shrugged in a sign she didn't know. "I mean, I like and it is nice…" About this, no doubts. "But after so long, I'm not used to stay in one place for more than a couple of weeks".

Raz could understand this quite clearly. And the wounds they had, bit by bit, were healing. Allen could already walk without pain and the bruises in Lauren's body, for what she had told them, were fading. On another hand, as Elana had said, the place was nice enough and they were making some money.

"Alison told you guys once spent almost a month in a city of America".

"We did!" The blonde giggled with the memories, placing a strand of hair behind her ear. "It was fun, the owner of the place we were staying in allowed us to stay in exchange of helping with the rooms. But at a time, we saw a Finder who knew Lauren and so, we decided to leave. It was better than to take the risk of bumping into him, the Order would know at once that she was alive and so were we" She shook her head.

This made Raz thoughtful. She and Allen had their reasons to not want to remain in a place for long, being hunted as they were… And now that Noah had seen them together, they could have also attracted the Earl's attention to the rest of the group.

" _Nice…"._

"How it was back in that town?".

Elana started to tell about how they had arrived there and how it had been.

 **XxX**

Allen released a box in top of the other carefully. What they were, he didn't know, but they were heavy and seemed to be of some exportation company. A man at his side with a small notebook watched the boxes, wrote something down and placed the note in his pocket with a nod. Allen replied the same away and walked away.

It wasn't a hard way, just brawl-based and it didn't bother him. It wasn't as if he hadn't ever done something of this sort before and, used to be active, he didn't get tired easily. So much that he still managed to train with Raz most nights.

Now he was starting to think where to go from here… He couldn't just wander aimlessly, it would be useless… And since the night he had seen Tyki, the words the Noah had told him in the night he had left ( _escaped)_ the Order echoed in his mind stronger than usual.

" _Having two monsters inside of you , you don't even try to understand what you are. You sow chaos wherever you go. You are the worst, Allen Walker"._

He knew this. It was what he had been thinking before Apocryphos showed up… Wondering if he came to learn something about Neah, if this would change things. How could he deal with a situation he didn't understand well?

And, in that night after fighting Tyki Mikk, he had been thinking about Cross and recalled someone who maybe knew the same things his Master did.

" _Maybe_ she _can say. And if Master is alive, he may have passed by there too."._ Well, maybe, maybe not… Not when he had left debts with her just as well and the old Mother had been quite furious.

Maybe this was all useless, but it was the only idea he had for now and it was better than nothing.

He didn't want to split from Elana, Alison and the others, but Tyki's words had had the effect the Noah had wished for: He didn't know how to tell them about the Fourteenth (not even if he should, it wasn't as if they were friends since years ago and he feared sharing something like this) and it wouldn't be fair to attract them to the center of the storm he was in. The Noah would probably go after them now too that Tyki had seen them together.

He knew Raz would rather go with him, no matter where, that was a given she had said it herself. And though he _knew_ he should tell her about… About him being a host, he had no idea how to even start this conversation.

She, probably, had known Neah.

There were, he thought, great chances of Raz recalling things piece by piece. That morning, Allen has asked her how she had slept and, with an absent air, Raz confessed she had dreamt about someone singing, making his mind fly until Neah in a lightening.

"Do you remember anything about it?" He had asked, trying to pretend he had no idea of what it could be and hiding his anxiety. "A face or the voice?".

Raz had shaken her head slowly, not taking her eyes off him. The white haired boy hesitated, it could have bee, _really_ just a dream… Yet, he pressed on anyway.

"By any chance… Was the music something like this?" And he started, not realizing his voice shivered a bit in the air of the room. With the Ark, he just needed to think about the lyrics, so he hadn't sung that in a long time…

 _Soshite bouya wa Nemuri ni tsuita –_ So the little infant fell into a deep sleep.  
 _Ikizuku hai no naka no honoo –_ Among the grey ashes shining in the flames…  
 _Futatsu no ukabu fukurami itoshiii yokogao –_ First one, then two… Surfaces numerous faces  
 _Daichi ni taruru ikusen no yume, yume –_ A thousand dreams fall back to Earth.

Slowly, Allen's voice became firmer and in that moment, he wasn't even in the room at all… The little boy who had learned that song and strange letters was back, the boy who used to scribble them in the snow with a stick and mumbled the song a bit awkwardly, guided by Mana…

No one had taught him anything like this before. They taught him to stay out of the way, to not cry when hit, to endure pain… No one ever bothered to teach him about beautiful, healing things.

Yet, the voice of now was no longer that of a child unsure about what he was learning.

Raz frowned and, clearly not even aware of what she was doing, her voice joined Allen's. The voice of the Noah and of the Exorcist, following a melody that came naturally.

 _Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni –_ On the night when silver eyes shivered.  
 _Umare ochita kagayaku omae –_ The shining you was born.  
 _Ikuoku no toshitsuki ga –_ Across millions of years.  
 _Ikutsu inori wo tsuchi e kaesshitemo –_ Prayers have already returned to Earth.

Lifting one of her hands, Raz touched her throat with the tip of her fingers as if realizing what she was doing, confusion surging in her eyes and yet, she couldn't stop singing… Their voices followed the same cadence, mixing in the empty room in a lonely sound that gave the music the quality of a requiem, requiem to the past, to memory and ties…

It was a lonely song of someone who, all alone, kept singing and praying, hoping for light and that whoever was listening would love a child, teach it what love was. And meanwhile, prayers of people from the past went back to earth together with dreams, falling like stars…

 _Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru –_ I will still continue to pray.  
 _Douka konoko ni ai wo –_ Please, bestow upon this child your love.  
 _Tsunaida te ni kisu wo –_ Upon our joined hands, leave a gentle kiss.

The silence wrapped them, born out of the last note.

None of them said anything at all until the Noah girl, not blinking, shook her head slowly, clouds gathering in her eyes.

"N-No…" She muttered, as if to herself. "The melody wasn't that, I know it, but…".

Her eyes went to the floor and back to Allen, the look of someone lost and it flew to her face, which expressed so little usually.

"How do I know this song?" And Allen felt the rest of her question in the air: _And how do you know it?_

There was no great surprise for Allen in the fact that Raz knew that song. It was the song of the Ark, it was natural that more Noah knew it and not only Neah or the Earl… He had to admit there was something painful in this. Allen had always seen this song as something that belonged just to him and Mana, something special…

"I… Kinda heard it once". It wasn't an actual lie, was it?. "A person taught it to me. And later I found out some Noah knew it too, so…" He didn't need to carry on and say that he had considered Raz might know it as well. The girl gazed at him with an unreadable expression and Allen knew she wasn't going to accept a weak-sounding explanation, yet she limited herself to nod.

"No… It wasn't that one" She repeated. "The melody was another… But this song now also feels… I don't know how to say it. Familiar.".

Raz hadn't interrogated him about it and this only made Allen feel worse. It had been almost a month since she had woken up and though he could see she still had several questions about what truly had happened between him and the Order, the Noah girl didn't say a thing. Allen knew, she was waiting for him to tell it in his own time and he knew he should do it sooner…

But even he didn't want to think about certain things.

" _And how will you face a situation you don't even want to talk about? You're just running away"_ A sarcastic voice, quite alike Tyki Mikk's echoed in his skull. Well, they would leave this city soon and then he would tell her… Maybe they could discuss with Samuel and the others about ways to meet later? They probably had some hotels and inns they…

The boy froze.

Instinct dominating his body, he followed the course of some people leaving the train to hide behind one of the brick columns that separated the covered area of the platform under open sky, pretending to be looking at the people.

" _Let it not be… May I be wrong, may it be just my imagination…"._

It wasn't.

Among other people, there was someone walking head held high, examining things around. Black robes with a hood, white straps in the shoulders, black pants… It wouldn't mean anything, if it wasn't for the silver-like rosy cross in one of the straps. His companion wore the same clothes and discussed something with him, both walking among the crowd. Allen made sure to stay away from their path, sliding to the other side of the column.

"" _They don't look like Exorcists. Or Finders"_ He reflected, aware that this particular cross could only mean one thing and walked away, looking around until he found a tall man helping to take bags out of the train.

"Samuel!" Allen called without raising his voice. The black man turned to him, and seeing the hardness in his eyes, walked to an isolated corner with him. Being on the run for long, Samuel had an idea of what this meant…

"Allen?".

"We need to leave. _Now_." The boy whispered, so other workers wouldn't hear him. As he explained, Samuel Kallen's face started to reflect the same worry he felt. "I just saw two men with the symbol of the Black Order. They aren't Exorcists or Finders, so they can only be agents from the Central".

"Are you sure?"

"I saw the rosy cross, the Order's uniform, I'm telling you…".

Samuel nodded, trying to hide his own tension and keep a controlled voice.

"Listen, I'll go make up an excuse." He started. Avoiding Exorcists and Finders was one thing, the special agents from the Central were quite worse. During his days back there, Samuel hadn't met them very much, something from which he was grateful. "Go warn the girls, we'll meet in the inn and leave. _Be careful"._

Allen nodded and left, watching around so he wouldn't cross paths with the agents. His face felt cold. Behind him, Samuel started to apologize with the other workers and turned to go talk to their boss as he imagined some sad story with a tragic new that would work as excuse for their abrupt leaving.

Allen walked in the street with fast steps. Central's Agents. He didn't know if they used to wander through the world as others… Would they be searching for him? Likely possibility, but impossible to be sure and Allen had already understood that it wasn't always that the Central informed everything to the Exorcists.

He had to go fast. All that mattered now was leaving the city.

 **XxX**

"What do you mean, you guys aren't coming with us?" Lauren asked shocked when Allen gave them the news and looked now from him to Raz, as if in hopes this was a joke with a bad time. "But… C'mon, you guys can't be serious…".

Allen realized he would have liked to say "yes" and just go ahead with her and the others in the same train… But this didn't mean he _could._ Not now, at least…

"We need to go to another town, Lauren…" Raz explained, not sounding very happy with the idea of splitting from the group either. "But we will meet you guys later". That was why they were asking the Exiled to tell them a list of hotels and inns they used to stay so they could try keeping contact. Not the easiest way, but the only option they had now. Allen, with Timcampy resting in his shoulder and the golden tail passing by the back of his neck, thought it would be easier if they had at least _one_ golem with them…

"But what for?" Lauren insisted as Alison looked from one to another, all her being marked with worry.

"What if something happens?" The grey haired girl asked, already with an old, patched up backpack in her shoulders. The train she and the others had chosen would take them to a far away city at west while Allen had been lucky to find one that would take him and Raz to another station where they could find another train that would take them to Liverpool.

"We'll be careful, we promise." Raz tried to calm the other, thought it was the best she could promise and not that they would be fine, and the Noah knew it. "If you promise us you'll be too".

"Hey…" Elana made an attempt to a smile. "How do you think we managed to be free during all these years?".

After going to the house Raz and Elana were and explained the need to leave (Elana had made up a story of receiving an urgent letter in the inn, warning that her mother was sick so the old man wouldn't be angry that they were leaving without previous warning), they had gone back to pack their things and close the bill in the inn along with Alison and Lauren. While they were in the room checking their backpacks, in his hurry, Allen had just told Raz they needed to go to that particular city because there was someone there who could maybe answer some questions.

"We could go together, it doesn't make a difference to us…" Samuel suggested once again, but both Allen and Raz denied, saying there was no need… Both knew there were certain things they still needed to do alone.

The Exiled still didn't know the truth about them…

"No, don't worry. We'll meet you all later" Allen repeated, shaking his head with a smile. "Don't worry".

Samuel rolled his eyes and Lauren scoffed at the idea of not getting worried.

"Allen… Raz…" Alison muttered as she crossed her arms. "You both are among the most stubborn people I've ever met in my entire life".

Both just shrugged with innocent expressions. That was actually for the better, they knew it.

"Not more stubborn than Lauren.".

"Hey!".

There was a couple of laughs, but the weight of worry and nervousness infiltrated itself in the sound and stole its strength as the truth was, every "goodbye" could easily turn into a "farewell"… Alison sighed. She knew they had to respect their decision of leaving, even if this didn't imply she agreed… What they were planning, she didn't know and all she could do now, was to hope they would be alright.

" _Allen is strong. He managed to stand a direct fight against that Noah, after all"._ Yet, even this wasn't enough to create a certainty that all would be fine. Nothing would for there was never a way to be completely sure that nothing bad would happen and it was better to accept this… This didn't make things any more pleasant. Old memories agitated inside Alison and the girl fought against the river that threatened to get loose in her mind.

"You guys have the list, right? You know where we're going to, right?" Lauren asked, giving up trying to tell them to stay. Allen nodded as he lifted a small piece of paper, with several names of places they used to stay in several different cities. They just hopes they could at least try to call those places and find them, to combine a way to meet again.

With a sigh, Lauren hugged them, followed by Alison.

"Whatever you guys have to deal with, do it…" Elana muttered as she hugged Allen, caressing his hair. "And then, you meet us again, agreed?".

"Careful" Samuel told Raz as he petted her head after a hug that looked like a huge bear trying to hug a small doe. "Take care of each other, always".

"That goes for you guys as well…" Raz replied, making Lauren laugh.

"Okay, _mommy."._

Allen and Raz's train would leave later. They followed the Exiled while they boarded and waved when the train started to move, a brown serpent that left a trail of white smoke in the air.

"We'll see each other again…" Allen muttered, more to himself when lowering his hand and holding Raz's.

Just like when he had run away from the other, this was not a farewell. They would see each other again no matter what.

This was just a goodbye.

He thought about Krory, Lavi, Miranda, Lenalee, Komui and all others…

Yes…

It was just a "goodbye".

* * *

 **Ana: Not exactly the best chapter or with most action, but Allen wouldn't go to with the Exiled yet. Not only because he still can't tell them truth, but also because he needs some time.**

 **Lauren: So, we're put in a bus? Train, whatever?**

 **Ana: Nope. I didn't create you guys just to have you in a couple of chapters and then kick you out. The Exiled will be back after some more chapters. Allen still has things to sort out…**

 **Road: At least you mentioned me. Glad to know you didn't forget me!**

 **Ana: If I tried you would stab my eyes…**

 **Road: What was that again?**

 **Ana: Nothing, nothing…**

 **Road: I want to recover soon! I want to see Allen again!**

 **Ana: Yeah, right, you want to kiss him again, that's what.**

 **Sheryl: MY DAUGHTER DID WHAT?**

 **Ana: Uops.**

 **Allen (** _ **cold sweat**_ **): "Uops"? That's** _ **all**_ **you have to say?**

 **Sheryl: I'LL KILL YOU BRAT, YOU KISSED MY ROAD!**

 **Allen (** _ **Running**_ **): I DID WHAT? She was the one that kissed _ME,_ I didn't do anything! Not my fault!**

 **Sheryl: So you're saying you didn't like being kissed by my dear daughter? HOW DARE YOU!**

 **Allen: No, that's not… I mean… Can someone help me here?**

 **Ana: Sorry, he creeps me out.**

 **Wisely: Good luck, kiddo.**

 **Tyki: Just keep running, boy.**

 **Ana: Speaking of which! Idea! I really liked asking the readers about their favorite Noah and all, so I decided to do more of those "poll" like questions! In the manga (not this fic), which pairings you guys like?**

 **Lenalee: Though you'd ask about the pairings here...  
**

 **Ana: I'm not sure people started making ships here, it's too early I guess. So, I'm just giving it time. I want to know their shipping in the manga!** _ **No**_ **number limit, no gender limit, no limit whatsoever, I just want to know what shippings you guys like!**

 _ **sparklehannah:**_ _Whew, thank goodness. One of the things I really tried to go for was that scary vibe the Noah can give off, but I wasn't sure I was doing it right. They can really terrifying and I wanted to write them like that! I'm relieved I did well!_

 _Raz: He certainly creeped me out._

 _Ana: Because of the fight, power, Teases, or just due to being himself?_

 _Raz: Honestly, I guess all of it…_

 _Tyki: Hey!_

 _Allen: I know, even if he saved me, I won't forget him threatening to rip my heart off and then putting a Tease to eat it._

 _Tyki: I saved your life, you just said it and I don't get even a thank you?_

 _Allen: I got in that dungeon after YOU and YOUR Clan invaded the Order to screw up with Alma, so if you hadn't done anything, I wouldn't be in that dungeon in the first place._

 _Ana: I would have nightmares for the rest of my life after that deal with Allen's heart... Yeah, it was the first time the Exiled actually met a Noah. They left the Order some years before Allen came and it was after he arrived that the Noah Family started to appear personally in front of the Exorcists._

 _Lauren: As I thought, if we had met them before, we would be dead._

 _Alison: We gotta train more…_

 _Ana: Well, I'm catholic, but I think that what truly matters in the end is not what you believe or if you believe, but rather the kind of person you are. And now, Raz is trying to find out what she believes and thinks, as well as what she likes. And Allen, well, he is Allen. Their friendship is slowly getting stronger._

 _Alison: Yeegar… He…_

 _Ana: No spoilers. I'll tell it all eventually, but yeah, Alison and Samuel knew him… As for the church, yes. I thought that small churches perhaps wouldn't be aware of the Order and akumas (the one in Krory's village didn't, for example). Mana and Jon are among those people who like to help others and offer support, helping to guide them when they feel lost. I confess I based those characters actually in two priests I met (one when I was little, other who I met two years ago) who gave me strength during very dark periods of my life. So when I was making those characters, I remembered of them…_

 _Alison: At least there are people who care for others…_

 _Ana: While sadly most people care only about themselves, there are still those who care about others even if they don't know them. Yeah, it was funny in the end, Allen had thought about training before, but hadn't said anything because he was a bit nervous at the idea of perhaps "provoking" Raz's genes._

 _Allen: I'm sorry, but I don't know much about Noah or how they… I don't know, think, work?_

 _Raz: Don't look at me, I don't know either._

 _Ana: In the end, you both were worried for the same thing. They split for now, but don't worry, the Exiled will be back in the future and they will have their part in this story and this war. Hey, I'm the one grateful! As I said, your review was amazing and I really love when readers tell me_ why _and_ what _they like about my work, what they want or think that will happen! If my story made you get involved like this, it means a lot to me! Damn, I hate cold. Hope you're okay there and that the storm didn't cause any trouble!_

 _ **bibliophile030:**_ _Thanks so much for this! I really put effort into creating this plot and the OCs. Well, I don't think there was any room for romance in the beginning, considering it started with Allen having to run off… Who would think about love in this situation?_

 _Wisely: Romance will happen, but later._

 _Ana: For now, just people getting to know each other and others trying to accept and deal with the current events… Thanks again so much for the review! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story too, believe me, there will be more revelations to come._

 _ **jy24:**_ _Close, but not yet… While the Exiled got the feeling there is something they are not telling, they don't think it is something as big as it truly is. They just think something bad happened in the Order, like it happened to all of them and made them leave…_

 _Allen: I know I should tell them…_

 _Ana: And tell Raz too, young man…_

 _Allen: I know, I know…_

 _Ana: That's what Allen fears and Raz is starting to, as well. That they have no option, no home… While Raz's nature pushes her to be with her family, her wish to be with her friend is just as strong. Not a funny position for her or Allen…_

 _Earl: They have nowhere to go! They will be better off with us! We just want our family to be complete!_

 _Raz: I don't even remember you!_

 _Earl: That hurt, Raz…_

 _Allen: And I'm can just go to Hell and let myself be taken by Neah? Not a chance!_

 _Earl: Dear boy, you speak as if you had a choice in the matter! The memory of the Fourteenth is inside you!_

 _Allen: I don't care._

 _Ana: Uh, excuse me? We're answering reviews here, not starting a debate team… Indeed. While the first reason to let them go now is attracting Apocryphos (and well, to prolong the fun of the game), they are waiting for them to realize this… But if they take too long and the Earl gets tired of waiting… Yeah, it won't be pretty._

 _ **Dragonfire719:**_ _Glad to know you like my story! Yeah, not sure about the ages or the hair, but hey, I'm just working with the info I had. Like I said, some stuff will differ from the manga._


	11. Act Eleven – Destroy to Save

" _You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it" – Barbra Streisand._

 **Act Eleven – Destroy to Save.**

"C'mon, a little more!" Allen encouraged, his light grey eyes on Raz's hands. "More concentration, this is part of you.". He went on with a cheerful voice. The girl had her eyes on her own hands as well, not ever blinking, a snake hypnotizing a prey… Or vice versa. Between her fingers, shadows slid and let out shreds of mist fading in the air. Still, the blade of her dagger was sharp and solid.

They had a train's cabin just for themselves and while they talked, Raz had started to train solidifying the shadows she could conjure. For now, her weapons tended to fade soon, but she was having success enough with a dagger.

Raz ignored how it seemed to fit her hand perfectly, more than a case of the power making it fit for her, since the girl felt as if that thing had existed before and had been waiting for her. The thought was really weird…

She mumbled in reply as spirals of mist escaped between her fingers, small serpents twisting in the air and disappearing. Her intention was to train until those shreds didn't appear anymore, feeling that it would be then that whatever she made wouldn't just dissipate suddenly.

"You're getting good" Allen commented, back relaxed and one of his elbows leaning in the armrest under the window. Raz just shook her head, taking in account the fight she had seen between Allen and Tyki and how she hadn't been able to hold her own against him, this was far from enough in her mind.

Still, she decided to just ask, not taking her eyes out of what she was doing and trying to keep the dagger firm.

"Tell me more about this woman we're going to see?".

Shrugging a little, Allen repeated what he had told her. It wasn't as if there was much to tell about her.

"She is an acquaintance of my Master. The people of her town call her Mother, since always gives advice to those who need it. She is tough, but kind." Also, it was to her house that Cross had taken him after meeting him, to let Allen recover from the wound that would become the scar in his eye. He didn't remember much of that time, the memories got mixed in blurred images and sounds that didn't make sense, but the principal element in them was the pain.

That was what he remembered the most. Pain in his eye, his body and soul, until there was no difference.

"Samuel is sure he is alive and I'm having doubts too". He carried on, though more to himself. His gaze crossed the glass, going to the trees bathed by sunlight. "Maybe she knows something, and even if she doesn't, I have some questions…" The questions were somewhat more important, Allen knew that if his Master didn't want to be found, chances were, he wouldn't.

Raz's eyes went up for a moment, before going back to her shadows and though her voice was calm, Allen could pick up traits of caution.

"If she knows the Order and support it, how can we be sure she won't tell them that you're there?".

The first reply was a shake of head, as Allen recalled the Central Agents he had seen yesterday. It had been the first time, after leaving the Order, that he had seen someone from there even if he didn't know them personally…

In the end, there was no avoiding feeling bothered by it. Of course, he had left the place weeks ago and been traveling with the Exiled for quite a time, but this was still different. That had been like back in that night: A real _escape_.

There was no running away from the basic facts: He had seen people from the place he had called home, his first home ever, warned his friends and ran off. And if this hadn't worked, he knew they would have had to resort to fighting. This wasn't how you behaved when seeing people from home…

There was no way this couldn't affect him and even trying to face the situation with rationality, Allen couldn't get rid of the turned-inside-out stomach sensation. Those were people who, in the past, he would have considered allies, not enemies…

" _Will this sensation be gone someday?"_ And this line of thought, dirty and sticky stuff, dragged images of Lenalee, Miranda and the others. Lenalee, back in that night, had asked him to not leave since if he did and they ever met again, they would have to fight.

Allen had joked about how she could kick him if she wanted, as people would joke with the inevitable in an attempt of finding some sort of strength to deal with it. Yet, there was no escape the fear of the very idea that this might really happen at some point.

 _At any point._

He didn't want to fight any of them.

" _Maybe you have to. If you want to find answers, you have to remain free."_ A malicious voice, whose veins pulsated with poison, mocked him and made Allen take a deep breath. Running away seemed a far better option, but what if he hadn't a choice and had to…

No… He needed to stay calm.

"Allen?" Raz's voice called him back to the present, as he hadn't truly answered.

"Well, she does support the Order". Allen said, remembering her question. "But she doesn't get in contact with them much and she is Cross' friends. I'm counting with this…" And the fact she knew him. Truth was, he was taking a risk and he knew it, even if somehow he sensed that Mother supported the Order in her own way. He could just hope he was right.

"She met me some years ago…" He told her, leaning forward as he placed his elbow on his thigh, holding his chin in thought as he wondered if Cross had taken him just for knowing he was the host of the Fourteenth… Probable.

A thought started to form in his mind, but it was unpleasant, so Allen pushed it away before it took shape.

Case in point, there was a chance that Mother also knew about this and perhaps something about Neah, it was never easy to guess how much the woman knew or not.

This last hypothesis sounded weak and just increased the risk of everything, however for now it was the only idea available. He meant to tell Raz that Mother could have information about the Noah just as well, but something kept the words from forming… He had to tell her the truth, he knew it. About why he left the Order, about Neah…

Yet even now, he couldn't find the words or the path to use to even start the subject.

 **XxX**

Time didn't exist anymore. Perhaps it had never existed to begin with.

The only way to divide existence in past and present was through the waves in his body. Not for this, all he knew would be a state of half conscious as empty as a forgotten dream.

Lavi didn't have such thoughts in lucid form, they were limited to sensations, just as a baby is too young to have complex thoughts and can only feel them. Several times, the red haired man couldn't form a line of coherent thought and there were times when he was afraid to be forgetting how to do it… And several times, when he started to think about something, his mind would spread as liquid falling in the ground, escaping control.

There wasn't pain all the time (and his body sighed in relief for this blessing and in fear for anticipation), but he could barely move. Heat and coldness mixed in his blood, going up and down his veins and his head spun inside itself. Breathing was stable, however deep and the idea of moving a member (as useless as it was), made his bones shiver.

Yet, there was no pain.

He knew when there was pain.

At the beginning, he had managed to distinguish events around and hear words when spoken. Lately (since when? Was there a "when"?) it had become harder.

He knew, the way purely based on sensations and instinct, that the worms of the Noah Fiiroha (Was that his name? He didn't know the sound anymore) were inside him and could kill him easily. However, the Noah wanted information that Bookman had and didn't seem that they would kill for now… Meanwhile, the worms wandered inside him and kept him weak and sick until the Noah decided to torture him for answers. One of them, whose name Lavi no longer remembered, had stretched his arms without touching him as a child pulling the arms of a doll.

And still, they wouldn't kill them yet.

Lavi could feel the desire that they would do it growing in him and, when he was conscious enough for it, he tried to suffocate that.

How long his body would take it?

The faces of Allen, Lenalee, Krory… The people of the Order… People that he had seen as corpses raising from coffins when Road had tried to break his mind. The Noah hadn't managed to do so and Lavi had freed himself… If he had managed that, then perhaps he would be able to survive this as well?

He wasn't sure if he wanted to remain alive or not…

The Noah couldn't decide his state of spirit in death…

Even lost in himself, in that mass of meat and blood that was his body, _Lavi_ still existed.

He closed his eye, used with the tired rhythm of his breathing.

In some point, he heard a door being opened and the voice of a Noah. Which one, he couldn't say.

A known wave of fear swept his body.

 **XxX**

Sitting in one of the Order's gardens, Miranda had her eyes fixated in the sky without actually seeing it. The news that Chaozii was awake had run through the Order as a wild fire. She was among the ones who had visited him, happy and relieved, hoping he was indeed fine… What had happened, no one knew for sure, but the exams until now didn't pick any abnormality.

Some concluded that his system had fought and won the Noah's attack that should have left him in that coma-like state. Others would rather that he continued in observation for some days (which Chaozii himself had agreed). In a way or another, the exams had had at least positive results until now.

Miranda was happy for him, but the news weren't enough to complete becloud the cold blizzard that dominated her from time to time. With weeks since Allen's leaving, some seemed to have adapted and accepted the idea that he was a traitor. Aware that certain things were better kept to themselves, Miranda didn't reply to this, but her conviction of the contrary was still firm.

But it was sad seeing so many acting as if Allen had never sat with them, laughed and spoke with them.

In her prayers, she always asked God to keep Allen safe and, sometimes when lying down, she tried to imagine where he was and if he was okay. Her mind weaved scenarios that went from white to black. What bothered her the most about this situation was her incapacity to do anything about it.

The sensation of uselessness that had accompanied her almost all her life just like a disease was back, strengthened with voices mocking her in her mind about how Allen had helped and she had been unable to return. Not to him or Lenalee, who usually isolated herself whenever she could, wanting to be in peace. Miranda had tried to talk to her, but the girl had politely refused, just wanting to be in peace for a little.

She served coffee to her brother and the others and trained as usual, but Miranda could see beyond the everyday actions.

"Miranda?" A voice called her, making her turn her head. The girl nodded in greeting.

"Chief Reever…".

The man looked at her for some seconds before approaching her bank. The courtyard was circular shaped, surrounded by bushes and trees. An enjoyable change if compared to the previous Headquarters, that was up a hill and there was no real space for a garden. Here, the winds carried the aroma of the woods and the rains seemed to make the air boil with different scents.

It helped to relax.

"Shouldn't you be training?" He asked her.

"I'm done for today…" She replied. "Anything new about Chaozii?" She knew the Science Department was as informed as others about the subject.

"The doctors had good results with the late exams. Normal results, he seems healthy. They don't know if they like this or not, to be frank." It was hard to decide about it, when what had left Chaozii in such state had been an unknown attack. On another hand, he showed a slow improvement and the idea his organism had fought some way it would a disease was not completely impossible.

Miranda had no reply to this.

"Well, at least he is awake…" Her attention went back to the garden, the grass waving in the breeze. Reever was quiet at her side. The sun wrapped them, Reever feeling it more due to staying until now in a room, just escaping a little to relax before going back to work. Among the trees and other people, he had spotted Miranda.

"Yeah…" He agreed thoughtful, suddenly asking. "What do you think about Link?".

The woman's eyes went to him, sun reflecting in the brown waves of her hair, falling softly on her shoulders.

"You know." She replied in a whisper. Reever almost smiled, it had been a silly question: Like him, Komui, Krory and the others, she didn't believe for a second that Allen was responsible for the man's death. Just the idea of Allen killing someone was ridiculous, a unless it was due to a great necessity.

He disliked fighting even the Noah, for crying out loud.

" _I'm not sure Chaozii will believe that."_ He wondered. At a moment, while passing by the infirmary, he had seen the exorcist talking with two Finders who had joined the Order with him and were informing him of everything that had happened during his coma. He didn't know how to interpret the hardness of Chaozii's black eyes, but perhaps that was worry for Lavi and Bookman.

Reever wondered what the hell the Central was doing. They were divulgating much info and he could just hope they were thinking in a way of investigate the two disappearances and how to help them. The Noah would have left their bodies to be found if they were dead and both were (probable) more valuable alive, if the Clan managed to make them spit info about the Order.

He, Johnny and Komui had discussed the matter among them, but they had no idea of what they could do once they didn't even know _where_ the two could be. The most logical answer would be the Black Ark, but how would they ever get there?

Speaking of which, the Central was studying their own Ark in an almost furious way, trying to find a way of controlling it without Allen. If someone asked Reever, they couldn't do it until they all died and it wouldn't make a single difference.

"Reever?" Miranda took him out of the river of his thoughts.

"Ah, sorry. I was just thinking here." He stood up. "I better go back, otherwise the Supervisor will ran off again." But while he stood, his eyes met hers and Reever saw in them something he had seen in the mirror, actually: A particular promise, firm and strong.

And he knew Miranda saw this in him as well.

"All storms must end" The woman said suddenly, barely realizing she was speaking out loud. "No darkness lasts forever…".

"And while it lasts…" Reever sighed. "We will light our own lights.".

She nodded in agreement. They were walking over thin ice and a misstep would cost much, this they knew. However, they would face it head up and in their own way.

 **XxX**

"When we entered the room, he had a gun." Allen was telling. "And started going on about how a small town could only prosper with a huge hospital and I don't know what else." He shook his head. "Mother arrived right on time, you should have seen it." The memory bought a giggle.

"What do you mean, what did she do?".

"She kicked him right in the face" He said as if it was the simplest thing everm shrugging. You wouldn't expect a small, old woman to be that strong to the point of leaving a larger man like that doctor unconscious. "After that, I don't know what happened after, but Mother said he would pay for the things he had done." Both exchanged looks, imagining what the woman would make to that man who had been killing patients to give "akuma material" to the Earl. "Me and Lenalee spoke to Liza before leaving… She seemed to be doing better".

Or as good as someone could be, once the person she loved had been actually murdered. However, she had proved to be a strong girl and the two Exorcists had been sure she would go on, not forgetting Lenny but also not getting lot in suffering.

"And could you find anything about your Master?" After all, they had gone there during their search for the General, for what Allen had just told her, along with some details of how Cross was.

Allen palled a little, a corner of his mouth shivering in the same way of a nervous tick.

"Oh, yeah, we did…" He mumbled. "A bunch of _debts._ His 'trail", per say…" Of course the only clue they could have about Cross' location would sure be bills. Sadly, this was quite _appropriated_.

Raz blinked, her fingers suddenly going through the dagger's handle that once again became shadows and lost its shape, fading in the air. The girl stared at him with mouth half open.

She could just _imagine_ how Cross was.

"Your Master sounds a specialist in disappearing…" She commented, leaving her hands to rest at the side of her body on the bank. "Understandable why you and Samuel think he's alive… But what happened to him, really?".

Allen stared at her and hesitated for a second.

"One day, when I was in the Order, he disappeared… There was nothing in the room, besides a broken window and his blood, all over the place. In the glass, in the ground…" There had been a grotesque and red painting, the mask of his Master fallen in the window sill… And Timcampy, for days, had continued to go there, giving the impression of being able to scent him and still have hopes that Master would come back… Or then he went there to mourn. "Later, I found out that he had been attacked by Apocryphos." More than find out, he had _seen it_ when the creature had grabbed him.

His heart shivered in anger.

"That Innocence hunting you" Raz nodded, remembering that Allen had told her a bit about that being in the train, weeks ago. She still wasn't sure she had truly understood, but knew that it wanted to absorb Allen, one of the reasons why he had left the Order.

The rest was left up for imagination.

A silence fell over them, until a sigh tore Allen's body, along with a muttering. He could see Raz waiting and this was another pull in his conscience.

"Raz… I'm sorry".

The Noah lifted her eyebrows, his words as intelligible as a foreign language. She had expected a lot from him, but an apology?

"For what?".

"Is that, I'm not telling you everything that I should… And you know it. I'm sorry.". His left hand distractedly caressed Tim, who was in his shoulder. The details Raz knew were just a basic, general picture, a line that lost itself among a web. Anyone would feel that there was far more than what Allen had limited himself to tell.

In silence, Raz just kept looking at him until she sighed as well.

"It… It can't be an easy subject for you." But she _had_ questions, she wanted answers and this didn't need to be said with words. She didn't pressure Allen and was still too focused in her own sensations and learning, what she was able to do and the world around. All this worked as priorities and distractions, but it would be a lie to say there weren't moment she just wished Allen would tell everything.

" _But you haven't told him all about your nightmares either, have you?"_ Well, that was different, wasn't it? She barely remembered those dreams to begin with, all that remained were the emotions crawling inside her when she woke up.

"No, it isn't…" Allen agreed. "The feathers you saw that night…" His eyes went to her hands. Like his Exorcist Sword had left scars in Tyki after their fight in the Ark and Apocryphos had pierced his hands when the man fought him, some of the wounds in Raz's hands had left behind scars that crossed her palms in thin cracks.

The girl nodded. Her wounds had healed, but the scars throbbed sometimes, but she just didn't mind them.

"You know they are part of Apocryphos.".

Even if she knew this already, the disgust was still there. And Allen couldn't say he didn't understand it, he avoided thinking about it because the sensation was always of near puking.

"That thing left part of him inside you…" She didn't fully grasp what Apocryphos truly was, indeed, but what Allen had told her… There was something obscene in that idea and a cold shiver ran through her nerve endings.

Allen nodded, slowly.

"And… In the night he attacked me and this happened, I…" _I was in the Order's dungeon,_ he meant to tell, to explain all that had happened and the reason.

And he would have done so. If it wasn't for the wave of energy that surged in his eye and spread through his body in warning.

Raz saw the blood-red gleam and the lens appearing. Both stood.

In the same instant, the floor trembled as if something was moving the rails. Screams filled the air, along with the screeching sound of metal denting. Allen and Raz lost their balance when the ground agitated under them, throwing both against the door of their cabin.

"Damn it!" Allen groaned, trying to firm his foot when the movement stopped, the cabin in a weird position, half turned and he knew that, at least the wagon they were in, had been taken off the trails. Still, the sounds wouldn't cease, in a cacophony of human cries and denting metal and something that could be shooting or laugher.

Without waiting, Allen went to the window, going out through it and balancing himself over the train, Raz doing the same.

"Think they knew we would be here?" She asked as she leaned in the bank to take impulse out of the window, seeing the akumas around. One of them, whose appearance defied any idea of sanity, attacked another wagon, claws that came out of appendices alike arms with more joints than any known creature opening rips in the metal as a mouth with rows of teeth let out a repetitive sound that could be taken as a scream of agony or a scream just the same.

Around, two akumas lifted themselves in the air with blade wings to then go down as hellish birds, claws aiming for the heads of the people trying to get out of the train and fun away. Other was slithering by the ground, chasing human. With his eye, Allen noticed the presence of two more akumas _inside_ the train.

"No, I don't think so" Allen replied quickly, grabbing his arm and pulling, feeling the wrist hardening and the bones changing shape into a sword. The first akuma turned the protuberance that was his head to him, the voice going over the storm of sounds.

What it was saying, Allen didn't know, but the sound was of recognition and the akuma serpent-shaped stopped changing humans and slid fast, pushing forward to Allen, who jumped, avoiding a bite and attacking. The blade pierced easily the side of the creature's head, opening it.

Around, more scream.

"Run, fast!" Allen cried to the people, taking care to not slip and fall. Even if they were akumas of level Two, he needed to be fast to get rid of all them before they killed someone. By luck, the cry of the first akuma and the sound of death of the other had called the attention of the other akumas. Allen knew they would consider him a far more valuable prey.

The winged akuma attacked. The white cape involved Allen as he spun his sword, but it was three against one (five, counting the akumas whose growls pierced the train under his feet). The one of several arms came closer…

Black straps made a whip sound when wrapping the creature's arms. They didn't reflect the sunlight despite their oily appearance.

Standing near him, Raz growled with coldness.

The akuma let out that same sound of recognition. Allen meant to scream, but he had to jump to avoid an akuma from inside the train that was piercing the metal to try attacking his feet as the winged ones still came down in intervals.

"RAZ, WAIT!" He cried after all. The Noah didn't give signals of listening, face hard of concentration, trying to pull the akuma that her shadows caught in her direction at the same time she jumped, dagger back in hand, the blade of more than fifteen centimeters, sharp end…

The cry of souls fading into nothing tore Allen's mind apart, coming from memory… The akuma Road had told to self-destruct… The akumas destroyed by the Third…

" _NO!"_ He jumped in time, throwing his body against Raz. The girl groaned in pain and surprise as they fell over the train, rolling and hitting the ground.

"What's gotten into you?!" Raz asked, her control shattering. The akuma, free, jumped to their side. Both backed away, before those claws coming right out of his arms grabbed them in the last second.

Allen grabbed Raz's hand and pulled her to trees near the rails, dodging when an akuma came down with claws in their direction. Behind them, there was a sound of metal ripping when one of the akumas forced its way out of the train.

The boy stopped among some trees.

"Stay here! You can't attack them!".

"Are you insan…".

Screams still echoing in his mind, among them a whisper of despair that asked just for help before fading in the air forever, Allen grabbed the girl's shoulders.

"YOU CAN'T ATTACK THEM!" Raz backed away without wanting to, Allen's hands firm in her flesh. She had _never_ heard him screaming like this, let alone with her. "If destroyed by anything that it's not Innocence, the souls bound in them will be destroyed as well! YOU'LL BE DESTROYING _SOULS,_ DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?".

He pulled her behind a tree, avoiding an attack and released her.

"Stay _here!"_ He told her, running back to the akuma that had left the train, a thing full of protuberances that no one could actually tell what they were, heads or organs.

Raz was still for a moment… Allen _had_ told her about how akumas were created and from where the energy that moved those things came from. Knowing her Clan was responsible for that had made her disturbed…

" _You'll be destroying souls, don't you understand?"_ He had screamed… Raz didn't know yet why or how, but she knew he could see the souls caged in those metal things, tortured at each second in that existence they had been forced into after death.

Allen knew what he was talking about when he told her that was what would happen…

Destroy… A _soul?_ The essence of what a person was, free of the carcass of meat and bones that was the body? That was what she would be doing if she attacked the akuma?

Allen threw himself against that shape that was beyond laws of physics. It wasn't even possible to say if that thing had eyes… One of the bird-akumas attacked, but Allen dodged it. The spider-akuma attacked and Allen defended himself with his cape, hitting with the sword. He didn't land a hit, but when the weapon spun in the air, there was a screech of one of the winged creatures. Hurt, it landed at Allen's side with a roar, but ropes of his cape wrapped it and Allen cut it, using it as support to cast himself to the air once the akuma exploded.

He landed in the fallen train. The spider-akuma came to him in confused movements, the winged one attacked with the claws…

Allen got ready…

Pain exploded in his ankle. There was still one akuma inside the train, a thing whose thorn-filled tentacles held him in place. The winged akuma's claws reflected the sunlight in an eye-burning way… The akuma with the protuberances opened itself in fangs and claws over Allen, who just had time to cut it and pass the sword in the ground. The akuma let him go…

Allen turned up, to the winged akuma, but too slow…

A black thing appeared over him, a black flower blooming.

The akuma hit that, sending shivers through the darkness and crying in hate and surprise, the impact still forcing it back.

"Raz, I _told you…"_ He saw her there, on the train with him. The girl stepped back, her back against him and Allen felt shivers in her cold skin as she fought for control, watching the akuma's movements.

"You said… I can't kill them." She muttered, her eyes meeting Allen's and he knew there was no way of deterring her. "But I _can_ keep them away".

Allen hesitated, but sighed.

The boy jumped against the spider-akuma as Raz wrapped the akuma with wings with her shadows, fighting to keep it still and repeating the movement when her shadows weakened and the being tried to get rid of them.

Together, they fought.

* * *

 **Ana: On Allen's defense, he was really trying to tell her the truth, but the akumas have the worst timing.**

 **Allen: Of all the times, _always_ the worst. Couldn't they wait?  
**

 **Ana: This chapter for me was a bit boring, but they will reach Mother's house in the next and things will go back to being interesting soon.**

 **Lavi: My first appearance and it was just to say I'm in Hell?**

 **Ana: Yup.**

 **Lavi: Oh, c'mon, will someone give me a hand?**

 **Earl: Be happy you're alive.**

 **Wisely: When we will appear again?**

 **Road: And why I haven't recovered yet? I want to see Allen again soon!**

 **Ana: Easy, everyone! We need more "calm" chapters too and...**

 **Lavi: CALM? I'm being tortured!  
**

 **Allen: CALM? We were attacked by a bunch of akumas!**

 **Ana: What else is new?**

 **Lavi: I think I hate you.**

 _ **sparklehannah:** Indeed, I think sometimes we need more "calm" chapters, per say. More details about their situation in this chapter, though, yeah, far from good. Actually, they are in a pretty screwed up situation. _

_Lavi: How are we going to get out of this mess?_

 _Wisely: In a coffin. If there is anything left to be buried, of course. You're only alive because we need your old man to talk.  
_

 _Sheryl: I just would rather have results sooner than later._

 _Ana: Whew, thanks for that... I really,_ reaaally _want to keep the Noah scary, so I'm doing my best to keep the "creepy" vibe they have, but I find it hard most times.  
_

 _Earl: Oh dear, why would anyone be afraid of us?_

 _Ana: I so hope you're being sarcastic, because, REALLY? For now, Levelier is leaving them be, but most of the Order is actually believing Allen is a traitor, not good. And... To be honest, Chaozii is not my favorite character either. From my point of view, he needs so much someone to blame for Anita and the other's death that he becomes blind and narrow minded and I hate that. While Allen is an Exorcist out of wanting to help souls and be a savior, Chaozii is out of revenge and not in a good sense (if there IS a good sense). And his hate for Allen pisses me off too. Sorry to say, but I doubt you'll like him here... At all.  
_

 _Fiidora: At least my worms are still in him, so we'll know what the Order is planning._

 _Krory: And this is supposed to comfort us somehow?_

 _Fiidora: It isn't._

 _Allen: I thought using the sword right at the beginning wasn't a good idea. Not only because it could, you know, provoke her genes as because it is too strong since she doesn't even remember how to use her powers. It was best to start small._

 _Raz: With a little training, we could train with it soon... At least I'm managing to be helpful now._

 _Ana: I honestly always thought most Noah, if not all (of the previous generation), would know this song. So while it wasn't the one from Raz's dream, she remembered it.  
_

 _Allen: Maybe she heard Neah playing? Or the Earl?_

 _Ana: Who knows? Not telling it yet. But yes, eventually, she will remember the one from her dream. Glad to see you miss the Exiled! For me it shows they are nice characters!  
_

 _Lauren: We will be back soon!_

 _Ana: I confess that I split the group exactly because I think this is a conversation Allen and Raz need to have alone. He was going to tell her now about everything, but akumas have the worst time. But he needs to talk to her first, before they confess all this mess to the Exiled... It is a very delicate subject to Allen, after all. They will be at Mother's soon and Allen has questions. About Neah, Mana, Cross and himself... He has been wondering how and why HE is Neah's host. And where he came from and his real parents..._

 _Allen: I need answers. Let's hope we'll find some soon._

 _Ana: Glad to know things worked out. It sounds like a pretty bad storm, especially being in the road like this. Glad to know nothing bad happened! And I liked to know your favorite pairings! The ones I see the most with Allen are indeed Lenalee or then Road, Tyki or Kanda._

 _Raz: I agree with Lenalee, Allen sometimes gets a bit too self-sacrificing. Even I can notice that!_

 _Allen: I just want to keep others safe!_

 _Ana: Start a club with Harry Potter... No, really, nothing wrong with this, but you don't have to carry everything by yourself. I also think this is not only due to what happened to Mana, but because he is was quite alone for a long time. Lavi was really there for Lenalee, too. Also some scenes in the Ark show him caring for her._

 _Allen: It is hard to imagine my Master with anyone... In a, you know, actually_ caring _relationship._

 _Ana: That's because it's you. When we watched her in the anime, my mother commented she thought Cross never actually did anything with her because he knew Anita had real feelings for him and he respected those. He was a womanizer, but he wouldn't give her false hope. I don't know, all I know is that though she didn't appear much, I got fond of her. And by Cross' expression, you could see he was actually sad that she had died._

 _Samuel: Cross is... Well, that way of his, but he cares for others. He just doesn't show it very much._

 _Ana: I found that Marie/Miranda is a really popular ship! And hey, why not? They actually seem to care for each other and I think they would be cute together. Miranda is also one of my favorite characters, she is really adorable! Hmm... I never thought about Bak and Fou in romantic level, but now that I think about it, it would be cute. I always saw them as more of "always-bickering friends" before reading this, but I don't know if Hoshino will be able to give them screen time, considering how many characters this manga has._

 _Allen: I remember this... I have no idea why he asked such a thing!_

 _Ana: Because the girl liked you, you're too blind to see it._

 _Allen: Now I wonder what he would say if he met Raz._

 _Ana: ... Let's not think about it. I've read about that theory. I'm not sure if they were lovers, the thing with the age bothers me. Well, I have a theory as to why Road seems so young and I'll use it here, but I always thought they were just really close friends. There is no denial that even after what Neah did, she seems to care a lot for him. I'm anxious to see details of what happened between them, hope Hoshino will tell soon! I have my version for this fic, but, c'mon, I want to see the REAL reveal in the manga!_


	12. Act Twelve – Seeds of Truth and Doubt

" _For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth." – Bo Bennet._

 **Act Twelve – Seeds of Truth and Doubt.**

Though they had been victorious in the fight, Raz was angry with Allen almost all the way to Liverpool, even if it was a shorter path than what they would have imagined. Some people from town had seen the smoke and some of the passengers had spoke about the accident, so others had ran to the place in hopes of being able to help others who had been hurt. A man and his daughter with a cart met them in the middle of the way and offered a ride.

Raz had almost not said a word to him and hadn't left doubts to the reason either. The lines of her face, usually as serene as the surface of a lake, freeze when her eyes crossed Allen's or when he talked to her.

"You should have told me before" She hissed when the fight was over and she threw her backpack over her shoulders, eyes like ice stone. "If you had, I would known already what to do or not. We could have been seriously hurt when you stopped me". The cause had nothing to do with Allen yelling at her or anything remotely alike that, but how he hadn't told her how she couldn't destroy akumas without destroying the souls. On the contrary even with their training lately, he had told her in the middle of a fight, which was far from sensate.

Allen apologized, but Raz was cold to him during all their way, avoiding his gaze. She was really annoyed. One thing was he not telling her about personal details and events like what had made him leave the Order and details of the war… Even his battles against other Noah.

Another thing, very difference, was omitting details that interfered with how she could fare in a fight.

Arriving in town, they thanked the ride. The daughter, a girl of thirteen of copper-colored hair and freckles over her face, waved her hand saying that it had been a pleasure as they were happy to help and hoped they would like the town. Her rosy lips were molded for smiles.

The father confirmed her words, wishing them well. A wave of reins and the white and brown horse shook its enormous head before starting a gallop.

"In like it here" Allen commented as they watched the cart going away, in the delicate tone of who tries the resistance of ice covering a lake and spying Raz. "I just hope the hospital is working properly now…".

Raz casted him an unreadable gaze and turned, observing a point in the road that gave start to a large street and houses.

She didn't say a thing.

"Uh… Raz?" He asked, aware that she could listen. "You… Are you still mad at me?".

"No." She replied after a moment without turning to him, with careful steps. Her eyes were fixated ahead and she didn't bother looking around, as she usually did when in a new place.

"Uh…" Allen mumbled without much more to say as he wasn't sure she was being sincere, however the Noah carried on.

"It isn't anger" Her muttering perhaps wouldn't have been heard by someone who wasn't used to her. It wasn't a lie, but the Noah didn't know the name of the serpent dwelling in her heart either, piercing and rubbing the cold scales inside and around the organ. It was something sticky that gave off the sensation of pulling her down and drowning her, filling her with ice and fire. "I'm just _upset."._

There was annoyance yes, but what else? What was the name of what seemed to isolate her in a cold coffin and made her feel as if Allen wasn't there anymore? In a way, even her organs didn't feel like existing anymore.

"I'm sorry" He repeated, making her sigh.

"Is there anything else about akumas that I should know?".

Allen became quiet, recalling what he knew and what he had told her and denied in silence. About the akumas, now he had told her everything that he knew, including their evolution and the Level Four. Raz was in silence once more… But the words she tried to keep inside her found a strength of their own to tear up their way up her throat.

"I know that there are things you don't want to talk about…" She caught herself saying, voice lowering to a whisper. "But… I would like you to tell me." She managed just stopping a question that was too weak to accompany the other words. Allen had called her his friend, but… Didn't he trust her? Was that why he wasn't telling her everything?

Allen opened his mouth, but he was without words.

"I'll… I _promise."_ Promising was one thing, he needed to do it. During the rest of the way to their destination, he observed the town where he had been the last time a little more than a year with Lenalee. There were no great changes, but when they passed a store he remembered, it wasn't a shoe shop anymore. In its place, there was a small candy store and by the glass, he saw a man with a round face smiling as he served a piece of cake to a couple.

Still, more than never, he knew everything had changed.

Mother's house was still in the same place, a little away from the town, following a road through fields until they were near a lake that, by distance, reflected the sun in its clear waters. A low stone-wall circled the property as a thick line left over green silk, sprinkled with other colors that were flowers. There were a lot more than the last time, of several colors.

Upon coming close to the gate, Allen turned to Raz. The interest was back to her eyes, running through the field and the lake.

"The man who brought us said she is alive" He told her, opening the small gate of wood and iron. "If she is not home, I'm sure that…".

A known voice flew to them, as cheerful as a bird flying for the first time.

"ALLEN!" A figure approached fast. A tall man with skin tanned by sun, the bald head covered by a large straw hat.

"Barbar!" The boy screamed back, smiling upon seeing him. The man's laughter was deep as a roar, but the happiness gave them an almost childish quality and he threw his arms around Allen, in a bone-crushing hug.

"Allen, _Allen_! It's so good to see you again!" He was dressing the blue jumper over the white shirt, hands stained by earth. Allen, lost in the hug, managed to smile though his arms prickled.

"It's good to see you too, Barbar" He said, bones sighing when the man let him go. Barbar hadn't changed at all in all that time, his smile and eyes were still the same Allen was used to see in his face. Raz looked from one to another almost as a doe.

"This is Raz, she…" Allen started, being interrupted when the large man smiled and let a cry of joy. The boy knew at once what was coming and opened his mouth to explain, but Barbar was already running back to the house.

"MOTHER! Allen is back! This time he REALLY brought a bride!".

Despite the fire that dominated his face, Allen almost smiled, recalling how Barbar had done the same when he had come the last time with Lenalee. At his side, Raz had her head tilted to the side and looked from the giant entering the house to Allen.

"What is a bride?".

The heat that started to fade with the birth of the laugh was back with such strength that Allen coughed.

"Ah… Well… It's like, when two people care about each other and… They want to get married… I mean, like…" He added awkwardly, seeing she was just getting more confused as they followed through the small path leading to the house, a grey serpent in the grass.

Allen stopped talking, suddenly seeing something. At the side of the house, a bit away, there were several white flowers. The boy gave a quick run to them and crouched near some. A bit away, the lake trembled and an old-looking tree crossed its branches in the air, one of them holding an old swing.

The flowers were small, with a delicate aspect and round shape, that invoked in him the idea of bells. Slowly, he touched one, lifting it in his fingertips.

"Allen? What are you doing there?" Barbar's voice called him back from behind. Raz, a bit behind the man, seemed still confused and looked from Allen to the flowers.

"Oh, nothing, nothing." He replied, standing straight and casting a last glance to the plants.

" _I've seen those flowers before."._

 **XxX**

"Your hair is longer than the last time I saw you, boy" The old woman commented upon seeing him with a shadow of smile. Her brown hair was lighter and some strands of silver could be seen. Allen, somewhat nervous, passed his hand through his ponytail, loose strands at the side of his face passing his shoulders.

Mother's black eyes evaluated him.

" _So he hasn't turned into the Fourteenth."_ She reflected, recalling of when she had seen Allen when he was small, the days passed in silence or in screams that his body couldn't hold, due to pain that dominated his bloody eye.

"I even think you grew. But just a little." Mother added with a smirk when Allen exclaimed in protest before turning to Raz as they entered the living room.

"This is Raz" He introduced her, the Noah leaning her head in a polite greeting. "She is a _friend_ of mine" He emphasized, eyes in Barbar, hoping he would comprehend and with the emphasis, Raz nodded. When Allen, walking away from the flowers, waited for Mother, he had tried to explain briefly and fast what a "bride" was.

"You did a nice work when you were here with Lenalee Lee." Mother commented, sitting in the table and gesturing to the visits to do the same. "Did something happen? Is your Master gone again?".

Allen denied with his head, but he was sure Mother knew this was not the case or reason for the visit. Since he could remember, she was a perspicacious woman and sure had realized the obvious: That both had backpacks, didn't wear the Order's black coat and Allen had his Innocence hand hidden in bandages.

"Well, yes, but we're not exactly seeking him. Not like last time." He added and hesitated. Mother had also known Master very well. "Mother, do you think Cross could have survived a really serious injury? Even without medical help?".

The old lady didn't even blink, but Allen thought the question had caught her off guard.

"That rascal doesn't die easily, you should know it. Why?".

Allen looked to Raz, but the girl lowered her eyes at once. After an instance, Allen told about what had happened so long ago, just omitting that he had met Samuel and merely said that he remembered Maria's powers and how her coffin hadn't been found, so he wasn't sure he believed his Master to be dead. He also didn't say a thing about Apocryphos, not now.

Mother heard his words, occupying herself with a silver-ended smoking pipe. When Allen was finished, she had her eyebrows raised and nothing in her expression was even near worry or surprise.

"Allen, you know Cross" She muttered, the corner of her mouth lifting in a kind of smile marked by memories that were from since before the boy she was speaking to being born. "Do you actually believe he would die like this? He could even have faked all this just to leave the Order and fool some of the people he owes money to".

The pleasant, soft voice carried jest and Allen was unable to stop a smile, even if he recalled what he had seen through Apocryphos' eyes, the expression of his Master and the first time he had seen the shattered window stained by blood, the smell dominating all the room and spreading.

"Now, I haven't received any debts in his name lately, but this doesn't mean anything." The woman relaxed her muscles, arms resting in her lap, eyes going over the visits. They weren't old and dull, but young and black, sharp as hawk eyes.

"But you didn't come all this way just to ask me about this, have you?".

Allen and Raz exchanged looks. The Noah didn't find words and didn't even know what she could say, so she limited herself to be quiet, aware that she was not part of this subject. Allen sighed and fought to not lower his gaze and keep his voice firm.

"I can't go back to the Order anymore…".

He waited for a change of expression and a waterfall of questions… But the woman's eyes just touched his face, then Raz's and she sighed, standing up and leaning in the cane she had left against the table's side. She was small, shorter than both teens and with delicate movements, but Allen wasn't one to be fooled by her appearance.

"The trip must have been long. Barbar" She called and the man came from the kitchen, wearing large white gloves stained and bringing with him a pleasant smell of food and a smile. "Rest. Whatever you have to tell me, Allen, do it when you're rested and with your stomach full".

"The room is this way, lady" The man told Raz, offering himself to carry her backpack, to which she refused politely. Allen accepted the offer after seeing Mother moving her head in a fast, but unmistakable movement of who has some private words to say.

"I'll be right there, Raz".

The Noah accepted it and followed Barbar through a hallway a the boy turned to Mother, imagining what she had to say., even if he had some idea. She had known Cross to the point he had taken Allen to recover in her house… Maybe…

A smile surged in her face.

"So, you're managing to resist the Fourteenth's genes?".

Allen would have liked to say, later, that the question had caught him off guard or that it had had the effect of a slap, but all he felt was an intense emptiness able to suck his organs, like the void Tyki had once used against him.

"Yes" The reply was cautious, as he didn't know what she truly wanted with this subject. "You always knew it?" The old woman studied him , but her silence held an answer and Allen caught himself asking. "Why… You should… Why you never said anything?".

He knew that, actually, what he was saying was nonsense. Mother was Cross' friends, yes, but they didn't know each other that much and Allen couldn't imagine a true reason for her to tell what she knew before. Though sharp, there was something almost gentle in the woman's eyes, as natural as expression lines.

"Do you remember how you were when Cross brought you here?" She didn't wait for a reply, unnecessary as it was. "There were moments when I didn't even know if you'd survive, Allen. More than often, I even thought you'd go insane. And when you finally started talking again, what was I to do? Tell you about such things?".

She shook her head, remembering. Allen, just a little boy, sitting in the bed in a way that made him look even smaller, eyes fixated in a point ahead when they just saw the darkness inside himself, body hard. Never moving or speaking, Allen didn't even sleep: His body just gave in to unconsciousness due to pain and weariness.

Except when his eye throbbed, wound closing with difficulty. In those days, his whole body shook as if being shattered from inside out, unable as it was to contain the pain. She had examined the eye one day, with a deep crack over the flesh, filled with poison of a curse.

He hadn't lost sigh in that eye just due to this being a curse making nest in his flesh and optic nerves.

Allen shivered. The memory could be just a blur, but his nerves recalled the sensation, a thousand needles gathering together and crossing inside his flesh as the curse throbbed.

"And, a year ago, you came with your friend Lenalee. Once more, how was I to tell you? The responsibility, for starters, was Cross and not mine. But don't be mistaken, Allen…" The warning was accompanied by a hard glance. "I'm _really_ happy that you haven't lost yourself.".

There was a second of silence and Mother sighed.

"Allen, confess. That's why you can't go back to the Order, isn't it? No, don't say it. It's clear." She said, lifting her hand when realizing what she had asked. There was a sound of running water. Raz, probably, was taking a bath. Allen turned to the old woman.

"I need to know, Mother. I need to know about Cross. And the Fourteenth.".

" _Not just about Neah, Mana and the Master, or even Raz."_ He reflected, his eyes landing on his own arm, his Innocence. " _I need to learn about myself as well"._

 **XxX**

After hours walking and more sitting in a hard cart, the hot water hugging her body was a massaging balm.

Holding her breath, she sunk in the bathtub, eyes closed and felt her hair floating around her face. When she sat straighter once more, that mass fell in a cape on her back and shoulders. Raz hugged her knees as she rubbed a soap against her legs.

There were some bruises from her training, stains that looked darker due to contrast with her bone-colored skin. The water worked not only to soothe her muscles, but also her mind and so, her thoughts floated in personal waves, about the akumas, the forgotten dreams, Allen and that melody she was unable to forget.

Since Allen had sung that music had nested itself inside her just as well. Raz knew she had heard that before (well, that was a given since she had been able to sing along even if not realizing it at the time), but as hard as she tried, the Noah girl couldn't remember where. It was the same with the other song of her dream, which remained a mysterious melody whose cadence became clear then darker, hiding in her blood and losing some notes.

And, as it tended to happen when she tried to focus in some memory, the emptiness was back from her insides once more and Raz was back to being a glass doll, as she had felt in the first night after waking up.

Allen sought answers and so did she. But different from her, Allen knew where to try seeking them. Or at least he had an idea for a starting point.

And she? Maybe Allen had suggestions, but it didn't change the fact that it had come from him. She, Raz, had nothing.

She was as lost as when she had woken up in that forest.

It felt weird, that all she could remember from her life was from some weeks ago and yet she had actually lived longer than just that.

Oh, but it wasn't just that. There was an answer, was it not? And it was pretty obvious as well, dancing in front of her with despite, echoing in the memory of that man's voice whose golden eyes had nothing if not a pleasure in sadism and dark desires.

" _I could_ drag _you back home_. _Say_ , Raz… _Don't you want to see your_ family? _Don't you want to know_ who you are _?"_

Yes, of course she did. But if the price was leaving Allen, who had been at her side since she had woken up and Alison, Samuel, Elana and Lauren, who had been kind and become friends, then it wasn't worth it.

Fear lurked inside, a poison that just waited for the propitious occasion to revive and dig its claws in her. Meeting Tyki Mikk hadn't been cause for any sort of comfort, as one could have thought since they were the same sort of being.

It had left her just feeling confused and lost.

She almost laughed of herself. She was so _pathetic._

And she loathed feeling as such, but that felt like a lost battle. She could distract herself, she could exile all that to the depths of her mind, but that was no victory. All went back to that moment.

For _this_ she had a name: Despair.

As the soft, sweet poison it was, it seduced her. It was not a lightning storm, but a river of calm waters that would drag her slowly, isolating her in a cocoon, all too aware that Raz had no strength to resist. Such was the nature of despair.

"Damn it all…" She muttered to herself.

Feeling she was free from the dust and sweat, the girl left the bathtub, stepping on the rug at the side and wrapping herself in a towel, water dripping from her dark hair.

She would follow her own way, even if she had to find it by stepping in thorns barefooted.

Raz would have liked to be able to say that this decision suffocated every seed of fear and that it turned her bones into iron.

Yet, it would have been a lie.

 **XxX**

"You know that Cross knew Mana and Neah as well, don't you?" Mother said during the lunch. Raz ate little and excused herself, wanting to lie down in the guest's room that Allen and Lenalee had shared last time. Allen wasn't sure she was still upset with him or if this was due to some other thing.

For now, he talked to Mother.

"And you…?".

"Not me" The woman denied with her head, serving herself with more of the meat Barbar had prepared. The man was outside, tending the flowers. "Cross knew them when they were younger and they became good friends." She became thoughtful. "What I know is that Cross was already an Exorcist, but for what he spoke, I took that it was never an issue among them. Even when Cross became a general, they remained friends. He kept it a secret from the Order, of course…".

Allen realized, suddenly, that he had never thought about Mana and Neah's _family._ He had been used to think of Mana as a wandered pierrot and, when he was a child, had never thought about his parents. In one occasion, he had even asked him where he came from, Mana had just laughed and messed his hair while saying " _Of all places! That's what means to be a traveler, Allen!"._ And he had almost thought about Neah's family as just the Noah, even after knowing he was Mana's brother.

"Mana… He wasn't a Noah". He muttered. Somehow, that felt weird. The Noah always showed nothing but despise towards humans, yet Road had talked of him without traits of spite and from the little he had heard, it was as if Mana and Neah had been extremely close, even if one was a Noah and the other was just a human.

"No, he wasn't." Mother nodded. "I don't know much. You know Cross, he speaks little of himself and his life, but there were things I just picked up with time. The other Noah didn't seem to dislike Mana, either. I could be mistaken, but that's the impression I had… Also, it felt like they were sort of laying low in that time." She held her chin in thought. Allen thought about it as well… The Noah Clan and the Earl hadn't been truly seen for years, for what he had heard. But if they weren't attacking humans as before (if this assumption was correct), then what had they been doing? And why?

"He knew Neah would be back, somehow" Allen commented, remembering when Cross had told him about the Fourteenth. "Cross watched over Mana, that was how he found me that night…".

He tried to not feel uncomfortable with this idea. Mother merely nodded.

"And he offered help, still not caring about the fact that he was a Noah. As I told you, Allen, they were friends." By the way she spoke, the woman also seemed to find the metal image of Cross being someone's friend, actual _friend,_ somehow very weird. Allen had felt that before, when Samuel had told him the same thing.

" _That's the kind of trust Master inspires"._

"However, how did Neah come to be among the Noah, that I don't know. And Cross never talked about it" Not that she had asked much, she knew until where she could interrogate Cross and which questions he wouldn't offer reply. There was a limit to how much Cross confided.

The existence of a Fourteenth member in a Clan that, by rule, had only thirteenth members, had also left Allen (as all who heard about it), curious. And as majority of things related to Neah, the boy had avoided thinking so much about it. Before, he just needed the certainty that, should he feel the genes agitating in him, he would kill himself.

Now he understood he had been wrong.

"But you helped Cross, knowing about it…" He started, unsure of how to ask why. Mother, however, understood and her gaze was harsh once more. Not due to being angry, but because she was not the focus here and didn't like to be sidetracked in a conversation. Mother had always been very straight-to-the-point.

"I did." She sighed. "You may find it weird, since I support the Order, but there are things you come to see with age, boy. There is no such thing as "good" and "bad" side in war, Allen. There are things the Order did that I don't agree… And…" She hesitated and shook her head. "Cross was his friend. Regarding you, there was nothing I could do, in any way. I told you, I'm happy you didn't get possessed by Neah".

"He betrayed them. The Clan" Allen commented, not saying what Road had confided in him: That Neah had actually fought for Mana (she had called it a secret and, by nature, Allen respected that). Perhaps Neah had been trying to keep his brother safe from the other Noah? Mother said that for what she knew, the rest of the Clan at least tolerated him, but what if things had changed? The conjecture had its sense.

"That he did. Don't ask me why… All I know is that he killed them all, save for two. The Earl himself and that one they call the Eldest child, I don't know the name. I think it was a girl." The old woman waved her hand in a movement that could be meant to send a fly away. Allen knew who it was, the Eldest Child: Road. "However, during all the time, he and Mana were being hunted, as you can imagine.".

Yes, he could. More than he would like to be able to.

He tried to ignore there was some kind of parallel between them and he and Raz, since they were being hunted just as well.

"Did Cross ever said anything about how…" The words found a blockage in his throat and he drank some juice to help. "How I came to be… The host?" After so long with that knowledge, one could expect Allen to be used to it. And they would be wrong.

Mother evaluated him for a long time.

"No… He just said that Mana had found you and he was sure that it was you. He never told me why or how… Somehow, I'm not sure he knew it himself.".

" _Maybe he didn't."_ Allen reflected and once more wondered if _Mana_ had known. When he said he loved him… Who he was actually talking to? Maybe Allen would never know.

And maybe it was better that way.

"And you should be careful, Allen Walker…".

The boy lifted his head, surprised. It wasn't like Mother to speak obvious things that others already knew about, and looking to her, Allen met an intense seriousness.

"You're not stupid, so don't act like one and don't ignore the risk you're in". She carried on firmly and, in that moment, there was fire in her. "Two energies so opposite cannot be forced to stay in a same space. If you don't take care, they will destroy you".

Allen felt his shoulders giving in, recalling of when Kanda had pierced him with Mugen and how he had seen himself chained in a nightmare-like scenery, alike the one he had seen when Tyki Mikk had almost killed him. That had been the first time he had seen Neah, not as a figure of white eyes, but his features clear. And in the night of Apocryphos' attack, the same thing had occurred, Allen had felt something running through his nerve endings, infiltrating in every cell of his and forcing a change that he could feel, but couldn't control more than he could control his own heartbeat.

"I'll be fine." He tried to smile to Mother. "Things will work out.".

Mother scoffed and shook her head, apparently giving up for now and waving her head to the hallway in the room's direction.

"And the girl, does she know about all this?" And she pierced a remaining meat with the fork. "The way she is quiet, I'd take her for a mute".

"Raz is just quiet, really…" She had been like this too, when they had met the Exiled, even if he didn't know until now if this had been out of shyness or tension of meeting other Innocence Accommodators or anything else. "But… No, she doesn't know everything.".

In another occasion, he would have considered telling who Raz actually was, but he kept it quiet. Despite everything, it didn't feel like a sensate course of action even if Mother knew Cross had been friends with a Noah as well.

"Did Cross know any other member of the Clan?".

Mother maybe thought they were back to the principal subject, but truth was, they had never stranded away from it. The woman thought for a moment and shook her head.

"If he did, then he never told me. But if you ask me, I think he only _truly_ knew Neah".

 **XxX**

The room had a circular table in the center, directly under the light so the pillars surrounding it at a certain distance casted straight shadows in the floor. Excepting this, there were lights only in the stone statues carved in the shape of people with capes over their faces. Angels or saints, Lenalee never knew. The lights weren't enough to illuminate all room and the walls were in shadows that seemed to tremble and slid if someone looked too much to them, but it was optical illusion.

The room's layout was as it had been in the Headquarters. If the intention of who had decided to place those statues was to relieve the pressure of the environment and reproduce the soft atmosphere of a church, then they had failed miserably.

But perhaps it wasn't fault of the room in itself, but of the people.

Not that all of them intimated her, but Lenalee would have felt better without so many eyes upon her. At her side, Chaozii kept his head high, but she noticed there was some nervousness in his expression just as well. Not that she would blame him.

At the table, besides the Generals, there were the leaders of the other branches, her brother Komui, and, as it couldn't be other way, Levelier. Under the white light his eyes resembled cold iron more than never to the girl.

"I believe it is better to start at once, is it not?" Levelier said, and a man with whom Lenalee had never spoken before, but who she believed to be a kind of secretary, stood up and started to talk.

"Lenalee Lee and Chaozii Han, Exorcists owners of the Dark Boots and the Arm of Baptism, from the Klaud and Tiedoll units, respectively" He said in monotone. "Both some of the Exorcists who arrived until the last room in the event know as the Battles of the White Ark, along with Lavi and the now betrayer, Allen Walker".

The last phrase was a knife to Lenalee, but she kept herself quiet. Standing close to the table, she ran her gaze through the others, never stopping much in just one person even if it was hard to look away from Komui. He was her brother and it was in him she always leaned when in difficulties.

Her breathing was deep and deliberately slow, so no one would notice. In silence, she and Chaozii nodded, confirming the boy's words. Even if she wanted to ask what they wanted with them, it was far too easy to have an idea for her to try taking refuge, even for just some moments, in doubt.

And the girl didn't know if that would be much better.

Chaozii felt intimidated in the presence of the bosses and Generals, however he kept his chin raised, pressing his teeth strongly. He was an Exorcist and would fulfill any duty. It was the least he could do for the memories of Anita and all those who had died in the ship, so long ago… They were his reasons for keep fighting.

"After the Noah's attack to every unit and their Generals, Chaozii Han was found suffering strange symptoms of unknown nature which left him in a comatose-like state for weeks. Sometime ago, he woke up. All exams until now point to normal results and he seems fully recovered" With a light bow as mechanic as his voice, the young man took his seat once more. Lenalee had barely heard all that.

"How do you feel, Chaozii Han?" Levelier asked with the usual smile. The boy nodded, keeping the self control.

"Well, sir." He replied, trying to keep his voice firm. It wouldn't be good if he let out how nervous he was in the presence of all the superiors. And like Lenalee, he also had a good idea of what was the matter at hand.

"Nice to know, nice to know. I lament we have to go back to such a repetitive subject" Levelier apologized. "However, since you woke up and recovered, Mr. Han, I believe it would be good to review some details of past events that may help us.".

"Help what?" Klaud asked politely and nothing more, but her dark gaze had gone away from the two Exorcists and fixated upon Levelier. She never had had patience for amenities that meant nothing at all and would rather go straight to the point.

"Well" Levelier turned to her, as if the question had surprised him. "To comprehend some of the events involving the traitor. Lenalee…".

Hearing her name being pronounced by that man always made the girl shiver, bringing by force memories of the times she had tried to run away until the Central, tired of her "bad behavior" and refusal, had given orders to keep her tied to a bed night and day, under constant vigilance. The days had soon lost meaning, just like her reality…

"You were present until the moment Walker assumed his place as "Player", weren't you?".

She agreed with a nod. No sense in lying.

"I thought you had already investigate everything about this?".

"Yes, but we're not focusing just in the Ark in this case" Levelier continued. "Our major focus is Allen Walker".

There was no surprise at all.

Komui didn't move, didn't even blink to this. There was no fooling yourself or even trying to believe that the Order would ever let Allen be… His mind ran through several phrases, evaluating them and rejecting, considering the consequences of each term. There was no way he could keep Allen safe from here and he was no dreamer to the point of wearing a veil over his eyes to turn away from reality. So, he also didn't believe there was any way to make Levelier (or any of the others) to listen the voice of reason.

After all, this was the man who had suggesting submitting Allen to the torture of Inquisition when he had come back.

"What do you want to know?" Chaozii asked. "I mean, a lot of things happened…". And those weren't pleasant memories.

"First of all… How did Allen Walker control the Ark the very fist time?".

Chaozii went quiet. He couldn't answer that, for in the middle of the fight against the Noah Tyki Mikk or whatever the name was, he had fallen along with Lavi and the next memory was of waking up in the floor of the Ark that was remaking itself. Lenalee took a deep breath, that had been months ago and she had believed they had already told everything.

"The Ark was coming apart around us. We had been fighting Tyki, the Noah of Pleasure." Just the memory was disturbing, that strange dark shape that seemed to have no reason or sense that humans could comprehend. It seemed to be moved by the desire of killing and nothing else… And it didn't look like the Noah who had been talking to Allen just a few moments ago. "General Cross arrived and helped us, but then the Earl appeared and took Tyki out of the Ark. While things were ruining, the General told Allen that he had interrupted the download for a while, said some words I didn't understand, kind of spell-like, and sent Allen to another room and just told him to play the piano…".

"Even though Allen Walker, following what he claimed back then, had never played a piano in all his life? And with a score made of symbols completely unknown, that are not part of any known language?".

Lenalee nodded carefully. She knew she was stepping in thin ice and traps were hiding in words and any wrong term would later be used against her.

"Allen was really disturbed afterwards. When we entered the room, he was confused about what had happened, too" She continued before anyone could interrupt her. "Exactly because he didn't know how he had been able to do this, but in the end it was thanks to his playing that we could come back home safely.".

This had to count for something, right?

Chaozii didn't say a thing, but he also remembered of that same battle and what he had lived wouldn't ever leave his mind. It had proved what he had believed in the battle against the akumas attacking Anita's ship: That the Noah were even worse than the akuma, real monsters who took delight in hurting people.

"Do we need to talk about this?" Sokaro asked, relaxing in his chair, the eyes seeming to gleam behind his metal mask with something very close to boredom. "We talked about it before, we're already using the Ark, why going back to the same damn subject?".

"Dear General" Levelier replied without any alteration. "What we're investigating here is not the Ark, but Allen Walker's behavior. After all, the Ark couldn't leave Edo due to the Fourteenth and now we can't use it in its full potential or study it as well as we could thanks to Walker".

One of the supervisors of another section scoffed, twisting his lips.

"So the Fourteenth is a traitor no matter what side he pretends to be?".

"Allen didn't…" Lenalee started, but Chaozii's voice echoed in the room.

"He wanted to save a Noah".

This attracted everyone's attention. A silence of graveyard reined.

Lenalee's eyes went to all the people sitting by the table. Some of the branch chiefs and supervisors seemed surprised, other rolled their eyes as if they had expected something of this nature. Tiedoll, resting his back on the chair, studied either Chaozii or then the girl and didn't express much. Sokaro scoffed a laugh that sounded metallic due to his mask and Klaud was just quiet. One of Komui's hands seemed to shiver, but he kept a still expression.

"Do you mind relating this calmly, Chaozii Han?" Levelier asked leaning forward with a soft expression that Lenalee didn't like one bit. The Inspector frequently behaved in such way, making it hard to say what lurked behind his smile.

"Allen just…".

"Forgive me, Lenalee, but I ask you to be quiet." He said without looking at her. The girl turned to Chaozii, not believing what she was hearing, but the man just stood straighter and related without blinking.

"When Lavi got free from the control of the Noah girl who was there, we were afraid that the door she had claimed to have created as a way out would disappear, so we climbed to the top." To this, some of the present exchanged looks. It sounded like a perfect opportunity for the Noah to leave them there to die, so they doubted the Noah in question had been telling the truth about a "way out" of the Ark. Lenalee, sincerely, didn't know what to believe. Road didn't seem to be lying, however she wasn't fool to just go and accept whatever she said based on this, no matter how sincere she had seemed to be.

But the Noah had treated all that as a sort of game, at least that was what it had felt like, so where would the fun be if there was no real risk? And on another hand, wouldn't they have had a real laugh if they eventually won just to find out it had been all in vain?

" _It seems no one can ever understand them. And what difference does that make? That was a long time ago and what matters is that we survived!"._

"When we were in the top of the towers, there was indeed a door there. We were about to go through it, but then Allen Walker said that we should go ahead and he would go fetch the Noah Tyki Mikk and the Earl's umbrella golem".

His words had effect.

A buzz of furious bees rose in the air when the people started to mutter to themselves or to a person at their side, too low for Lenalee to listen.

"Allen just did that because he believed he had exorcised the Noah!" She said fast, suffocating those sounds with her own voice, even if she wasn't sure that Allen wouldn't have done the same thing regardless of his belief of having exorcized the Noah or not. She looked to the others. Why couldn't they understand? "Allen activated his Exorcist Sword when Tyki created a void around him! He wanted to exterminate the Noah without hurting the human, even Tyki said so.".

"His sword which looks just like the Earl's, just the colors inverted.".

"No, you have seen it destroys akumas." The girl insisted. "And it has an effect in the Noah too, so it IS an Innocence. Otherwise, Hevlaska would have felt when he went through observation". That the Central had demanded. It hadn't been much, just like the examination all Exorcists went through, and Hevlaska had confirmed that sword was Innocence and nothing else.

Komui looked to his sister, unable to interfere or say anything. It was clear she was out to defend Allen as she could, even aware that the Central could not like this… General Sokaro made a low sound of neglect, but didn't say anything.

"Yet, he meant to save the life of a Noah".

"If he had killed him and not tried to mere exorcize, it would have been better".

"Wasn't he the one what afterwards almost killed you? With that black shape you spoke of?".

"Gentlemen, please!" Levelier lifted his hand, asking for silence before turning to Lenalee. "I'm sorry to say, but there is reason in what we just heard. Don't you think it would have been more sensate to leave the Noah behind and try to be sure it was dead?".

"Allen isn't like this" Lenalee continued, feeling a shiver inside. "He… He always wants to save lives".

The others observed without saying anything. Behind the mask, it was possible to see Sokaro's eyes sliding from one to another. They were so pale that cornea and iris were almost one and it wasn't uncommon to people, at a fist glance, take the man for blind.

He wasn't very interested in this discussion. If asked, in a war, there was no sense in getting tied to "what if" and "maybe". The fact was that Allen Walker had Noah genes, this had been proved and he once almost turned into a Noah due to Yuu Kanda's attack. Conclusion? It would have been better to just kill him right there, then they wouldn't be here having this pointless discussion.

" _Save lives?_ It was a fucking _Noah!_ The same Noah that killed several of ours, tried to destroy Walker's Innocence and almost killed him and could have killed you all too." One of the chiefs, the same that had commented about the Fourteenth's betrayals, said looking at her in shock. "It hardly sounds like someone worth saving!".

"He thought he had exorcized the Noah" Lenalee insisted. "And that he had turned into a normal person".

Klaud had her gaze on Lenalee. When the Central had reorganized the General's units, the young girl had been placed in hers. Before that, the blonde woman had almost never had much contact with Lenalee. Now, she felt the pulsation in her voice and saw her eyes shining like crystals in her anxiety to be heard. But if the girl thought she was doing anyone any good by letting the words run wild like this, she was insane.

" _Be quiet, Lenalee…"_ The woman thought, muscles of her face a calculated mask of flesh that she had learnt to use since years ago. " _You won't get anything like this and you won't be helping anyone, just be quiet"._

"Perhaps he was already leaning to the Noah's side and was just pretending." Someone suggested.

"There is this possibility" Levelier agreed with a nod. "As terrible as it sounds. If Allen Walker was not dominated by the Fourteenth, when did he decide to betray the Order? After all, he left of his own free will, opening so many portals… Sadly, there is no other name for this action besides escape".

" _After what you did, Levelier, I don't find it surprising_ at all". Komui thought with poison. All he could call that was hypocrisy, simple and pure, at least coming from the Inspector. Actually, Komui wouldn't be surprised if some people were thinking the same, without cynicism.

"It is very admirable" Another supervisor of some research division commented. "That you are so loyal even to those who are no longer your friends, miss, but…".

"Allen was always an Exorcist" She replied in the same moment, not thinking anymore, the heat taking over her voice. "He lives to save people's souls, the ones caged in the akumas".

At her side, Chaozii didn't say a thing and just looked from her to the supervisors speaking, without manifesting himself. And in the moment, Lenalee's focus had nothing to do with him.

"Yes, Lenalee, and this devotion was always admirable" Another man said. "However, we can't deny that Walker's actions do not match with those of an Exorcist or an innocent person. We can't deny he killed Howard Link. Noah or human, he turned out to be quite dangerous to everyone".

"The damn brat is a danger just by _existing."_ Sokaro said, waving his heavy hand. "What matters what he did or his intentions before? What truly matters is what happened and what we know: He is a Noah. We don't need more than that!".

"We're the weak side in this war." The man who had spoken before said. "It is pleasant to think it would be possible to win without dirtying our hands, but we…".

Sokaro interrupted with a laugh that sounded a growl through the metal.

" _Dirtying our hands?_ The Noah kill without a second thought and don't consider themselves humans anyway, do they? I see no crime in killing them. They are less than animals".

Lenalee could just stare at them, unknowing what else she could say, how to make them understand. At her side, Chaozii was serious, just looking at the others as well. The evidences that Allen had killed Howard Link were great: The boy had been alone with Walker and had been found dead. And several people had spotted Timcampy flying with both Noah and Allen. If the latter didn't mean to join the Noah, why had he run away? Why Timcampy had flew with all of them?

And as Sokaro had said, he did have Noah genes.

He was like them, whether he wanted/liked or not. Pretend this wasn't the reality didn't help at all.

"Perhaps he accepted this and decided to change sides" Another man whispered, as if more to himself than to anyone else.

"You're a good friend, Lenalee. It's terrible that Walker has stomped on your friendship in such way.".

"I'm afraid we're getting sidetracked from the matter" Levelier commented loudly. "Well, so Walker showed some sympathy for a Noah, the reason or what he was thinking doesn't matter, and when he operated the Ark for the first time…".

Klaud was in silence, pretending to be paying attention without actually looking at anyone. Internally, she was remembering of when the Noah Lulubell had invaded the previous Headquarters, the akuma who had been with her and the one who had, on the occasion, evolved to a Level Four.

The behavior Allen Walker showed in the event, the first time the woman had had actual contact with Cross' apprentice didn't match the things said now either.

"Allen said he would kill himself if he ever felt the Fourteenth waking in him" Lenalee muttered. "He always said that he would, should he feel he was becoming a Noah".

Levelier heard it and lifted the iron eyes to her.

One of the other men, the one who had said Allen had stepped on their friendship, sighed.

"Yes, miss Lee, he said so. But people can change".

* * *

 **Ana: Things are heating up in the Order. And not going well…**

 **Krory: When things HAVE been going well here, with all respect?**

 **Ana: Allow me to make a question: Things could be going well?**

 **Krory: Okay, you got me in this one.**

 **Ana: Not as many revelations as it could have been, but c'mon, no one expected Mother to have ALL answers right away, did you?**

 **Allen: Will we EVER know the truth?**

 **Ana: Of course you will! I have all planned, but there is nothing here you'll find out the easy way! But it helps starting thinking about some details. Also, please guys, keep in mind that I planned this entire story (and there will be a sequel, to be honest, there are MANY things to cover, regarding the past and the present) during the hiatus of Hoshino, right after Allen left the Order and after he met Johnny. So, what I mean is that my story has little to** _ **nothing**_ **to do with HER explanation. We're good? Okay then.**

 **And remember, reviews keep me alive!**

 _ **Cutiepie120048:**_ _Thanks so much! It means a lot that people like this! I think you mean Timothy? Yeah, he is a cute kid. Well, honestly he is in the Order training as well… To be fair, I'm not sure if he will have a role in all this, since I have a lot of characters to work with, but I'd like to find a way to introduce him in all this…_

 _ **jy24:**_ _As I said, bad timing. It almost feels like when we were hoping Inuyasha and Kagome would just get on with it and kiss already and there was always something interrupting. Okay, in this case it was just once, but we've been waiting for Allen to tell everything for quite some chapters._

 _Allen: I was trying to tell. I swear._

 _Ana: Well, don't worry. He will be telling her everything soon, and I_ mean _soon. Since they are at Mother's now and resting a little, perhaps he will have a better opportunity._

 _Raz: I hope so. No offense, but I'm getting annoyed for not knowing all I should know._

 _Ana: Patience._

 _Wisely: I'm just wondering when WE will back to the story._


	13. Act Thirteen – Fragments of Past and Sha

" _Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted are the most terrible poverty" – Mother Teresa. ._

 **Act Thirteen – Fragments of Past and Shattered Flowers.**

The sunset spilled over all it touched, draining in a thin sheet of gold and orange, in such way that when the breeze of afternoon's end caressed the leaves, their shivering was alike of waves as the sky was made of soft reds and oranges, as a sea of autumn.

The air carried traits of aromas, wild flowers, grass, but always suave as a caress.

The fabric reflected the lasting sun as a lake. The boy walking was something between a clown and a pierrot: The collar of his clothing was black smoke, almost silk wrapped in his neck and part of his shoulders and the three pompon-like buttons in front of his suit were made of black fur-like material. The blouse and pants were of loose fabric that seemed to follow his movements and, except for the end of the pants and sleeves adorned with black threads, the entire suit was white-silver.

"You were great" The girl at his side commented quietly. The boy smiled.

"You know it was even kinda nostalgic?" Allen had his face so hidden by the white and black makeup that it was hard to see the expression lines. "I don't even believe that Mother kept all this for so long!".

He gestured down with his free hand, showing his attire as he carried a small bag in which it was possible to see several colorful balls, some with figures. His hands were in gloves of the same fabric as the rest of his clothes, something that looked like silk. The short, black strands in the end of his sleeves waved at each movement in a smoke-like way.

Last night, during dinner, they had talked about the last time Allen had visited, changes in the city and, at some point, Barbar had commented they still had Allen's stuff back from when he was small. After recovering and ready to leave with Cross, most of his things from when he traveled with Mana had been left behind.

Allen sincerely had thought that the old woman would have thrown them in the trash, and had been surprised to see them well kept. His small clown suit and Mana's, the balls and hoops and even the small flute that Mana had taught him to play.

For some moments, Allen had examined each thing as a person does when finding a box full of objects that marked past years. Suddenly, he had be taken by an impulse that found support in an idea and had asked for needle and line, trying to patch the old things.

Barbar had soon got excited and convinced Allen to let him help, which had improved the situation a lot. The pompons of the blouse had been dyed, a colorful collar had been cut as details of the smaller suit had been patched in the other one. Some bells here and there had been cut off as well.

In the following afternoon, right after lunch and having finished some chores to Mother as thanks for the hospitability (during the days they had stayed, they helped Barbar with the house, shopping and any other necessary thing. Sometimes, they tended the garden as well), Allen had called Raz to go to the city, wearing the new suit and his face covered in makeup.

Soon, in a corner of a street, he had performed.

Fights and fights with akumas had improved his reflexes and coordination, so the young man made acrobatics with natural grace, sometimes seeming to be dancing and the balls had made circles in his jugglery. Some children had given small, excited-sounding cries at seeing him twirling in the air and landing like a cat.

Upon deciding it was already enough, he passed with a hat among the presents with a bow and a smile that emphasized the black smile painted in his face. Some had gone away, but some people had left some coins in the hat.

"You're good at this" Raz commented with a nod as she remembered the performance. She hadn't ever seen something like that, of course and at the first, the concept had sounded curious until she watched. "Was it Mana who taught you all this?" He had told her, last night, a little bit about his adoptive father and how they performed together when he was a child.

Allen also had confessed what had been Mana's end and the start of his curse.

Raz had been bothered by this. If Mana hadn't been able to curse Allen and his arm hadn't react, that meant Allen could be dead and only an akuma would be wearing his skin today, as his father's soul was tortured by the fact. Somehow, this made things personal between him and the Earl, or at least she felt it as such.

In the moment she had been thinking of it, she suddenly wished she was just a regular human and not part of that clan, responsible for such things. Yet, a part of her heart remained untouched by the fact and Raz didn't know what to think of it.

The boy smiled softly. His eyes had also been painted with black, making four points and thick lines. Along with the black smile, this worked to bring out his eyes, turning the grey into silver.

"Yes, it was him. He took me in when I was really small… I think I was six, perhaps seven, more or less." It was hard to keep track of your own age when no one around told you when you had been born or didn't help you keeping track. "So, we started to travel together. At first, I didn't know how to do anything and just took the coins they gave us and kept our stuff, but Mana taught me things little by little… And then, we started to perform together.". And upon learning Allen didn't know when his own birthday was, Mana started to celebrate it in the day he had adopted him. Allen had never had anyone celebrating his birthday before…

"Sounds like someone very kind" She had tried to imagine him considering the look of Allen and the sound of his voice when he spoke about the man.

" _Doesn't he remember anything about his real parents?"_ She knew better than to ask such a thing, though.

"He was." Allen replied, eyes some point ahead. The ache in his heart for the loss of his father throbbed. It had never ceased to hurt and he knew it never would. You just learnt to live with the mourning, helped by knowing they would meet again someday. "He… He always told me we have to keep walking. Keep going on no matter what happens" And that had turned into a promise to his father.

"To keep walking…" Raz repeated slowly, the words going deep in her. How did you kept walking if you couldn't see the path ahead? The sensation was that then it didn't matter how much you walked, you wouldn't be going anywhere.

What was left to do then?

"You were always going forward" She commented. "Traveling".

"Yes. It wasn't always easy, since we made our livings out of it. I wasn't the Master of Cards, yet" He added in a false dark tone with a smile. "So, sometimes, we didn't even have a place to stay during the nights, but still…".

Perhaps he was embellishing the past due to sentimentality, however in his memories, it didn't matter what he was feeling at the moment, even if there was exasperation, annoyance or worry over anything, there was always the warmth for Mana. There wasn't a single memory of them where that emotion was not present, even when they argued.

He had always loved him. He had been the first person to…

Allen giggled a bit to himself, touching a part of his sleeve.

"It was fun to do this again. Perhaps I should keep performing sometimes…" Some people that lost money in cards were able to remember some winners and his scar and hair didn't help, besides many people in the Order knew how good he was with cards.

Somehow, this made him remember of when Alison had been called paranoid and he wondered what they would say to this thought of his.

A pierrot, face hidden and voiceless, was easier to not be recognized. Somehow, that could help.

It didn't mean he would cease playing cards, he just wouldn't do it as often as before, unless necessary.

"People liked it, no doubt" Raz commented as she opened the gates. While passing by Mother's garden, Allen looked briefly to the white flowers he had seen when arriving.

 **XxX**

"So, do you have some idea of where you will be going now?" Mother asked with a look of amusing curiosity later, sitting in chair with her smoking pipe in her hand. The smoke escaped from the end was like threads of silver.

Allen nodded. He had spoken of this with Raz when they were coming back from town and she had shrugged, accepting.

"Did you learn something that can help you, while here?" She had asked, not caring of which path they took even if they had stayed for just a little while. The fact that the Order knew Mother seemed reason enough to not stay for long and she had said so.

"After all, they know you and your Master know her".

Allen had been frank. He hadn't found out much yet, however thinking about Neah and Mana and how their relationship with the rest of the Clan could have been, this had helped him to make a decision. Raz had nodded and asked him where they would be heading next, to which Allen had smiled and muttered.

"Forward".

Now, Mother asked something of the same nature. Allen nodded.

"I know what I have to find" Not only had, but needed as well. He wasn't sure of _where,_ though.

Mother evaluated him with her black eyes.

"Good. But don't forget what I told you, Allen Walker" She commented, her attention back to the book she had in her lap. "Take care, always. You and that Noah".

Allen wasn't that surprised that the old woman had realized the truth.

"It is impossible to hide anything, ne?".

"I realized it soon enough" It was the comment, accompanied by a kind of knowing smile. "At first, I thought that perhaps she was just a human, but I started seeing this wasn't the case, so, the only other thing she could be…." She raised her eyes from the pages. "And with you two training in the back of the house, it was easy too".

Allen scratched the back of his head awkwardly. In the days they had spent here, they hadn't trained using neither Innocence nor Raz's abilities, then focusing in their reflexes and movements.

And even taking that measurement, it had been useless.

"Raz is not dangerous" He said slowly. Mother stared at him and soon the boy imagined what the Order would have said if they ever heard him saying such a thing.

"What is _her_ deal then?" There was no reprimand in her words, just a simple curiosity. Allen thought that in reality there was no way Mother would be surprised with Raz' true nature, once she knew Cross and Neah had been friends despise being in opposite sides of that war just as well. Still, he hadn't felt… Well, safe, in just go and telling about what Raz was.

" _She was present at the events involving Neah, but she doesn't look older than me"_ Road also had been there and she looked even younger than he by some years. Did they age at a different pace than people? Or something else had happened?

"She doesn't remember anything. She didn't even know what Noah were when I found her" He expected Mother to ask for details of their meeting, but the woman merely frowned and went back to her reading.

" _Weird_. Well, maybe you'll find the answers you seek together".

Allen wondered if she had reacted in an alike way when had learnt that Cross was Neah's friend. Perhaps this respect she had for other's subjects had helped Cross to feel like he could tell her that Allen was the host.

And not for the first time, he wondered at what side the old woman truly was in that war as he remembered what she had said, about neither side being right or wrong in a war. Other people who knew of those events and the existence of Akuma and Noah would have had a very different reaction from simple acceptance.

Outside, it was already dark. Raz wasn't in the living room or even inside the house. After helping Barbar with the dishes, she had left to the garden.

It made Allen remember something.

"Hey, Barbar?" He called, approaching the table where the man was seeing some new seeds he had asked Raz and Allen to buy when they had gone to town.

"Do you know those white flowers? The ones I was seeing when we arrived, at the side of the house?".

"I know, sure! I planted them! They are so pretty, aren't them?" The man nodded enthusiastically and with a huge smile.

"Yes, they are…" Allen agreed. "What are they?".

"Ericas!".

Look, do you know a flower… Petals a bit separated?" He joined his index fingers and separated them slowly, but soon knew this was of no help whatsoever. "Wait, I'll try drawing them…".

"Oh, no, I got a better idea!" Barbar stood, his smile never leaving his face and as always, giving an almost child-like appearance as he walked to the shelves at the side of the window, not needing to even search and picking a large book. The cover was green with the figure of a white, leaf-less tree.

"Here! It is my favorite book!" He gave it to Allen. "I'm sure you'll find the flower you're talking about!".

Sitting at the table with the book, Allen started to go through the pages. There were large photos of flowers, with their names in black letters at the top and several info, going from genus and family to care and where they could be easily found and more. At the end of each section of flower, there was a small square: _Meanings._

He knew where he had seen that white flower, Erica, before and it hadn't been in a garden.

It had been in the door of the room where he had found Raz.

At first, he hadn't given much thought about the matter, however, upon seeing them here had made him curious, just to know what they were. With care, he turned the pages, keeping in mind the figure of the three flowers he had seen in that door.

He stopped in a page. The photo showed small flowers blooming among the snow. There was just one at the end of each green stalk, the petals of a piercing white and they were all curved towards the ground.

" _Snowdrop."_ He read. "Galanthus nivalis, _from Greek, "_ milk white flower" _and Latin, "_ like snow". _One of the rare flowers that does not possess color variation, they can be poisonous if ingested in large quantities, causing nausea and vomiting. More frequently found in…"._

His eyes went to the small square at the end of info regarding the care for those who wanted to have those plants in their gardens. Those details didn't interest him much.

" _There are several legends regarding the origins of the Snowdrop. A Germanic one affirms that when God created the snow, He sent it to visit flowers and gather their colors, however the only flower to accept it was the snowdrop. Touched by it, the snow decided to make a deal: In exchange for the generosity, the snowdrop would always be the first flower to bloom in Spring. Another one relates that, after being casted away from Eden, Eva walked the hard and cold earth with Adam. In her sorrow, she sat to cry. An angel appeared to comfort her and blew a snowflake that fell in the land, giving origin to the flower"_ He skipped some lines that talked of more legends.

" _Meaning: Comfort or sympathy. For being the first flower to bloom, it is also considered a symbol of rebirth and hope, also purity due to the lack of other colors. However, curiously, due to being poisonous just as well, there are places where they were considered symbols of death and it was bad luck to bring them home. Seeing just a single flower was a premonition of death"._

Allen looked at the photo for some seconds, a frown appearing in his brow.

Coincidence?

A flower symbolizing comfort and rebirth (and according to the book, death in some places) in that door… And Raz there, chained as if dead. Many times, Allen had wondered just for how long she had stayed there and how on Earth she had survived. After a while, Allen had concluded that there had to be something in the Ark itself keeping her: He hadn't forgotten how it had seemed that there was something inside the chains' links, running through and entering her body. And all flowers of the place, despite being alive, never seemed to need water or care and yet, they never withered.

He turned some pages. Comfort and rebirth… Hope…

" _Who put you there, Raz? And why would they do it?"_ There were some doors in the Ark that just wouldn't open no matter what and Neah's reflection in that mirror had told him, when he had entered the Piano's Room for the first time, that this was a room that even the Millennium Earl was unaware of. Therefore, it wasn't impossible that there were more rooms in that were out of his access… Perhaps even knowledge. Right?

Following this idea, wasn't it also possible that there were protected rooms created by other Noahs?

But this also meant there was no way to be sure who was the responsible for Raz's situation.

Those meanings…

Another photo called his attention.

Like the snowdrop, it was another flower that had been in the lower corner of the door.

Several blue flowers, with six petals each, turned down. They looked like bells.

" _Hyacinthoides non-scripta. Bluebell"_ The book said. " _With a strong smell, they are blue-violet, though rare pink or white specimens can be found. Their interior is yellow or white. The common name comes from their distinct tubular appearance and their petals, which gives them a bell-shape. Those flowers…"._

Once more, Allen ignored the rest of the info and went to the square at the end of the section.

" _Bluebells are also called harebells in Scotland, due to the ancient belief that witches would turn into hares and hide among such flowers. Other legends affirm such flowers could be used to call upon fairies, making it bad luck to walk in a field of them, as it was seen as a place of spells. Herbalists used to believe they could be used to prevent nightmares and would use them as medicine to spider bites and tuberculosis, however those flowers can be poisonous."._

Though it was indeed strange that both flowers were poisonous, Allen didn't think this meant much and went forward to the next lines, which stood out to him.

" _Meaning: As many flowers, the bluebell can represent different emotions, depending of the context. With its bell shape and turned down, their most popular meaning is humility. Other possible meanings are gratitude, loyalty and constancy and everlasting bonds. It is also related to death in Britain, being often planted in graves"._

Allen read the words once more.

" _Loyalty, constancy, everlasting bonds."._

There was no way of knowing which specific meaning had made the person use that image in the door. Gratitude sounded weird considering the state Raz had been, but with the snowdrop meaning rebirth and hope, perhaps gratitude for something she had done? Constant hope that she would wake up? No, wait, she wouldn't have woken up on her own, she had done so a little after Allen had released her. And humility wasn't exactly something easily associated with the Noah…

Such words took his thoughts to the Fourteenth.

" _I really love you, Allen. But my family is also special to me. This feeling is the same as you have."_ Road's words were whispered in his mind, as if he was being haunted by a ghost.

" _Please, boy, do you actually believe I would hurt a_ member of the family?". He had understood it well the hidden meaning in Tyki's words that night. The Noah of Pleasure hadn't been referring just to Raz, but _him_ as well.

And Allen knew it.

" _Loyalty, constancy, everlasting bonds."._

Perhaps the bond among the Noah was everlasting… But then, why had Neah killed them?

Taking a deep breath, he turned more pages, burying those thoughts and the waves that once more agitated inside him. They wouldn't be of any utility now and this wasn't about him, but rather about Raz.

Circular flowers and flowers in the shape of tubes, lilies and roses, small petals and others so large that each flower only had four…

The he found it.

It was the same flower, small and white, that there was in the garden. Erica, Barbar had called it.

" _Erica vulgaris, also called Heath. An evergreen flowering shrub that can remain green during all year, this genus of plant has resistant seeds which can last…"._

It was the bigger flower, carved in relief in the top of the door, among lines and above the circle with the runes.

" _In Scotland, it was believed that such flowers stood for protection and could be used as charms. It was said that no white flower would bloom where blood had been spilled and the pink flowers were considered marked by blood. A legend justifies this variation by saying that a young lady was in love with a warrior and, upon receiving news of his death, wandered in hills and fields, unable to ever be comforted. Her tears turned the purple flowers into white."._

In the last line, only two words.

" _Meaning: Solitude"._

 **XxX**

In the same way the setting sun had spilled liquid fire in the afternoon, the moon drained threads of silver and white, its reflex shivering in the lake, a light stain among an almost-black blue.

Raz had wandered in silence for a while in the garden, allowing her thoughts to spread as the moonlight, not bothering in trying to control them and took a seat in the swing, satisfied in just observing the plants and the field. Far away, there were dark figures that denounced the existence of the city.

Relaxing her back and raising her head, she studied the sky. Stars sprinkled the darkness and the moon was bright. Some clouds slid and when coming closer to it, they become clear as smoke made of silver.

Last night, Raz had had a nightmare.

As it had happened last time, images and context (if they had ever existed) escaped her when crossing the frontier between waking and sleeping, leaving a trail of sensations and nothing more.

Why this?

And, once more, she had dreamt of a song… It wasn't the one Allen had sung, but that other and there were moments her mind replayed pieces of the melody.

Would she be able to recall all and understand it, someday?

The coldness inside of her escaped, going through bones and overflowing by her skin, but she didn't move and remained there, watching the stars above. Her memories felt even more distant than them and even less real…

What if she never remembered anything?

Eyes lowering, her feet gave a small impulse against the ground, so light that the chains made no sound when they moved a little. Raz looked through the garden, blind to her surroundings and trying to think about what she was going do, think about something more real and useful, however that emptiness that turned her flesh into glass was back and wrapping some point inside her body in glass shards and crunching as if it didn't want anything to remain.

It hurt.

She saw the white flowers. The same Allen had been looking at when they had arrived.

Curious, but maybe she and the boy were in situations that were, somehow, alike. He had had a home to which he couldn't go back now. The reasons didn't feel simple and in the few times he had mentioned this subject, his eyes turned dead. And like her, he sought answers…

As for Raz, maybe she had a home with the Clan, and though it was the most certain place to go if she wanted answers, it was also the place where she least wanted to head to and the one she knew nothing about. The irony was not lost on her.

Well… But if you took this in account, then it couldn't be considered "home", could it? It was clear Allen wished he was in the Order, she could see it in his eyes when he thought no one was looking and his emotions escaped.

With a part of her mind replaying the song in her dream over and over, without having time to consent or think about this, her vocal chords started to work by themselves in a whisper.

 _Omae to itami wo_ – I'll commit any sin  
 _Wakeaeru nara_ – If it allows me  
 _Donna tsumi mo Okasou_ – To share your pain

That emptiness that she felt when drowning in herself… Would that be over someday? Would someday she and Allen be free of the thorns they carried inside?

Oh, it was possible that this would never happen.

There was no guarantee that they would find what they searched for or would even survive this. She had thought about paths before, but it was an illusion. There were no paths. People just tripped blindly in darkness.

They were all lost.

 _Omae ga shindara_ – When you die  
 _Koori no hoho ni_ – Your icy cheek  
 _Ichido dare Kiss shite_ – I'll kiss even if just once.

Flashes colored in blood blinked in her mind as the stars, bringing feelings rather than memories of pain, of bones being pressed and skin being tore apart, leaving the flesh and blood exposed.

Slowly, she stood and walked to the white flowers. Curious, but she suddenly knew what they were.

Ideas and feelings mixed inside her and tore everything inside and placed them out of place, until even the air around resisted her movements. It didn't matter much, since even moving only served to wake the hurt inside.

Because it weren't her surroundings the pieces that didn't fit or the environment that was distorted.

It was _her._

 _Hitsugi kazaru erica no hana no_ – The ericas adorning the coffins  
 _Hanakotoba wa "kodoku_ " – Mean "loneliness" in the language of flowers

Yet, despite all this, her heart remained calm and her voice didn't shiver, keeping a low tone, the song coming from the depths of her soul as a secret escaping a cage. In the moment, Raz was able to just feel and sing, all other conscious thoughts had been banished.

The Noah in the forest had spoken of taking her back to the _family._ The word was just a confusing sound that held no meaning whatsoever to her and as such, didn't fit any context. Oh, she knew the meaning of course, but it wasn't the same thing at all. She could be a Noah, but she barely understood what that meant and had no notion of parents or siblings…

Home… Family… Parents… Words, mere sounds with less meaning than the one of a rock hitting the surface of a lake.

She was no more than a load of empty meat, without past and whose future was far too foggy to be considered real. As the idea of a family, Raz was a being without context and without a place to hold to, a dry leaf subjugated by the whims of the wind that would try to tear her apart.

Only such winds were inside her.

Perhaps everything had been like this since the beginning… Perhaps she had been _broken,_ since the beginning…

" _Please…"._

But…

But if this was true…

Then what kind of hope remained?

" _What am I?"._

 _Kono yo ni hitori umarete_ – I was born alone in this world  
 _Toki ga kureba hitori shindeku_ – And when the time comes, I'll die alone as well  
 _Sore ga sadame_ – If this is my fate  
 _Na no ni namida_ – Then why  
 _koboreru no wa naze?_ – Am I shedding tears?

During some twinkling of the stars, she remained still, just touching one of those white flowers.

"Raz?" A voice called, interrupting that and bringing her mind back to thinking instead of just feeling. Her conscience was back from whatever corner the emptiness had pulled it to.

Allen looked at her, head tilted to the side.

"Are you… Are you okay?".

"I… I'm fine. I remembered the song of my dream". Not that "remembering" was the most adequate of terms. Allen nodded, as he had heard her singing. She turned her face back to the sky. Allen limited himself to watching her, aware this couldn't be truth… There was something in her figure that made him aware she wasn't at all "fine". So still and quiet in the middle of the night and the flowers, Raz looked so… So…

"Hey, Allen?" She called him, never once averting her gaze. "Why do you think the stars exist?".

The boy frowned to this, not understanding where such a question had come from… And there was no actual answer. What they were, why they seemed to twinkle, this he could tell her. But the reason for their existence?

"Raz…?" He already could pick up signals as subtle as the shivering of the lake and go through this veil of serenity and the sensation he was getting now from her wasn't good at all… Nothing that provoked his caution or tension, though, it was different.

"What's the purpose of their existence?".

" _Oh… So that's it…"_ He understood, also looking to the stars, small fragments of dreams lost in the darkness, they seemed like drops of silver. " _Of course"._

Raz didn't move. Why did _she_ exist? Was it even possible to exist, without reason or purpose?

Suddenly, she felt warmth in her wrist that tore her away from such thoughts.

Allen wasn't thinking in what he was doing, the impulse had moved his body and even now, his fingers closed firm over the Noah's flesh as he stared into her eyes.

" _Flowers of Erica mean loneliness."_ It was that, wasn't it? That was it all came down to. In that moment, the pure essence of it revealed itself, whispered around. Maybe they had been just in the presence of each other, as each of them was drowning inside themselves, in their own despair.

"I'm here…" Even Allen wasn't able to tell if he was speaking to her or to himself, if he was looking at her because he saw her or because he hoped to receive that gaze back to him…

Raz tilted her head to the side, a mist starting to fade from her eyes and hiding back to the depths of her body.

Slowly, the shards of a mask fell and her smile had nothing but sorrow.

"We both are.".

Lonely. That was what they were.

 **XxX**

Two shadows hiding among the tree watched the events of a safe distance. Allen Walker's eye wasn't able to perceive them and the girl also didn't know how to pick up another family member's presence for all they knew.

Despite the distance they were, with their sharp senses such as the ones they had, they had caught all the words of just now. When the boy of white hair and the girl walked to the back of the house, standing nearby the lake, one of the shadows twisted his mouth in displeasure.

"What they think they are doing, in the end?" He asked, his despise flowing in the golden eyes. At his side, the other shrugged and didn't seem as bothered as his companion.

"Training together, it seems" This light jest didn't receive any reply. In front of them, Allen Walker became a white ghost-like figure as the shadows wrapped around the girl. "Oh, this time they are going with all." He indicated with renewed interest, since the last night both had trained without activating their respective powers not even once, just practicing movements.

"That is so annoying…" Sheryl growled, his whole being the epitome of coldness as he stared at the scene. The idea of a Noah and an Exorcist training together, as those two were doing, twisted his nerves, agitating the Noah's essence he carried. Even if it wasn't for it, he wouldn't ever take that scene kindly. Tyki had his back and one of his feet leaning in the tree behind, arms crossed as he watched the white and black shadows.

Allen attacked, his white cape casting lines in Raz's direction. The girl jumped behind, leaning in her hands before standing. She wasn't as strong as the other Noah, but from what Tyki could see, there was an improvement since the last time when she had been foolish enough to believe she could take on him.

When he had returned from his mission and reported the events, the reactions had been diverse, but all had shared the barbs the Noah carried piercing their blood, twisting organs in intense emotions.

Tyki couldn't say he hadn't felt anything of this sort.

"She did _what?"_ Fiidora had hissed in a mix of indignation and disbelief, making it clear he wondered what had gone through the unknown Noah's mind. Lulubell hadn't said a word, but the ice of her eyes was enough.

"A Noah protecting an Innocence…" Wisely had commented so softly that it was impossible to say what he felt about it. Somehow, his expression could even be taken for amusement. Once he was the only Noah who, even after dying by the hands of the Fourteenth, still managed to keep memories of the previous incarnations, then it was obvious that he remembered Raz…

So, perhaps, the idea that she had lost all memories and was trying to resist her own nature was, somehow, funny.

If this was the case, then he was the only one who felt like this.

"A _traitor,_ you mean…".

"Tyki-pon…" The Earl said, leaning forward and his voice hiding any emotion, despite the smile that was his mask. The others went quiet, some looking over their patriarch trying to guess what he felt about this and others too lost in their own thoughts. "What truly happened? How was she?".

The Noah of Pleasure then went through the details: How she and the boy had been with a group of people who had left the Order (some muttered how they were with Innocence accommodators, others about how they were all –in essence- traitors no matter what side they had been) and how Raz had held the Innocence and, despite the clear desire of shattering it, had refused.

"Her textual words were" He pretended to be pulling it from his memory and made a quotation signal in the air as he repeated. " _Allen is my friend. If this means protecting Innocence, so be it"._

The air at once had grown heavy, contaminated by the reactions of them all to such words. The Earl had leaned back in his chair with a loud sigh. However, there had been a strange gleam in his golden eyes that wasn't easy to define.

"So, she has refused to come back…." His tone was calm, but they knew this was just due to the self control that their leader had (at least most of the times) over his own emotions. And they would be right, as deep down, the blatant refusal of Raz to come back, despite it being in her best interests, _hurt_.

It hurt them all, as it was in the Noah's nature to be together, but to the Earl it felt far more personal, since he had known her… He was thinking about her, of the times they had spent together with the previous generation.

Now, it seemed she didn't want to be with them at all.

None of the Clan thought that this made sense and her lack of memories didn't work as excuse for such actions: All she needed to do was to come home and the Millennium Earl (and Wisely, though she didn't know) would have told her everything.

"Perhaps it is fear". Wisely suggested, his posture making it seems as if it didn't make any difference to him whatever had been the behavior's cause. Some of the Noah exchanged looks without an answer, since they could agree that waking up one day without knowing _anything_ about who they were, couldn't be easy, whether you were a Noah or a human. "Or perhaps she realized, at some level, who Walker is".

The Earl considered the thought. Their Clan wasn't also known as a family for nothing, and this was something so intertwined in their genes that went beyond simple notions. It was as instinctual and sacred as a pack was to a wolf.

Some might not get along very well, but they were _always_ at each other's side.

So, the idea that at some level Raz had felt Neah in Walker and didn't feel like leaving his side sounded right. However…

"I don't believe so, Wisely, I don't believe so." It sounded beautiful, but it didn't make it real. Despite the pain, as if her refusal had been said directly to him, the Noah patriarch went back to his cheerful tone. "It feels like Walker still didn't tell her about the Fourteenth. And dear Raz, despite everything, wouldn't have been able to feel him. Especially with the boy's Innocence trying to contain his awaking, as it is surely doing".

Some of them groaned to this. It would be far easier if Walker gave in and just let himself be possessed.

It had been case and luck that Tyki had found them, once he had been in that same forest jus to destroy the Innocence. It was impossible to follow Walker and Raz everywhere for now and the Earl's orders were to leave them be in order to lure Apocryphos. The creature was patient and would know the Noah would be chasing Allen, so it could take a time until it either felt confident enough to make a move or finally lost his patience.

Meanwhile, when it was possible, they should evaluate the progress of the events.

After being hit but Yuu Kanda's Innocence, the agitation in Allen Walker's blood worked to give an impulse to the Noah's genes. It had been a pity that his eye had acted when it did and prevented the wave of power from taking root and eliminating him. Otherwise, the wound, plus the anger that Noah felt towards Innocence, would have been enough to erase Walker.

Now, things had become delicate.

Yet, once the awakening had at last had a start, it was just being delayed. There was no way of getting rid of it, meaning that sooner or later, he would be consumed. Since he was taking care of Raz, there was the chance of this making her remember with time, triggering her memory.

" _It is ironic"_ The Earl thought, aware the others had had similar thoughts. " _That for now I'm relying on_ Walker _to keep her safe"._ And that someone like her would need protection, but being past her awakening, she would need to learn everything again including control over her powers. If ever inquired about it, the Earl had to admit it felt more weird than infuriating (at least for him, since he knew the boy). When thinking about Raz and how she was, the Earl had been surprised to realize he actually trusted Walker to take care of her and not just as the host of the Fourteenth but _himself_.

As they had concluded since Lulubell's report, if he hadn't hurt her until now, then he had no intentions of doing so. Quite the contrary.

As anxious as they were now regarding the Fourteenth and Raziah, using brute strength wouldn't be of any help and would just push them further away and less willing to join their family than they already were. Therefore, for now, the decision had been to be patience… For now.

" _I do wonder for how long"_ Tyki reflected. Back in that night in the Forest of Lights, he hadn't been lying. The idea of dragging them both to the Black Ark had its attractive points, seeing them giving in and joining them out of their own free will was far better.

Any thought regarding Neah agitated the genes of Joyd inside of him and wakened a sudden fire of emotions too troubled. But regarding Allen Walker, if the boy managed to keep his "self", then Tyki was among the Noah who would be quite happy in having him as part of the family.

" _I wonder if his case was like ours, he would accept it better"._

In Raz's case, however, there were no sensations or memories of any sort. The same happened to Toraido, Maashima and the others. They were all able to feel the intense bond that united them, the essence of a family… But there were no actual memories of the thirty five years ago or before that.

With the Earl's decision, now he and Sheryl limited themselves to watch their targets, even though Shery was still of opinion that it would have bee far easier to attack them. If to kidnap or kill them, the Noah of Desire himself seemed to range between the two, depending of his mood.

Ahead, Allen managed to drag Raz down. Shadows pulled him by his feet, but he was able to cut them with his claws as Raz stood and attacked.

Sheryl watched them. He, like the others, had been quite curious to see the girl for the first time, even if they weren't getting in contact. Tyki, however, didn't need to ask what he thought of her as he knew the feeling was shared: Too early to form personal opinions.

"The old woman from that house knows General Cross, doesn't she?" The Noah of Desire asked as he held his chin as he thought, a small smile that could be seen whether he was enjoying a pleasant meal with his family whether when he was twisting the members of an enemy with his lines. "He must be trying to investigate the Fourteenth.".

"It wouldn't surprise me." The other answered, his gaze accompanying the movements of the two in their training, one attacking the other, black and white shadows in a sort of dance. Raz had her hair up in a ponytail to not get in her way and when she was under the moon's touch, the bluish shine of the strands was more evident.

"Do you think he told her he is one of us yet?".

"I do not know. And please, brother!" Sheryl said in the scandalized way of someone who heard a disturbing comment at the dinner's table. The smile was now filling with despise as a corpse would be filled by worms. "One of _us?_ The Fourteenth is a traitor!".

Tyki rolled his eyes, well aware that this was not the true reason of the rejection to the idea. At least not the most important one, in the Noah of Desire's opinion.

"Ah, Sheryl. You just don't like the boy because your _daughter_ does".

"My Road…" Sheryl started, his voice entering the path to hysteric as flames surged in his eyes. Tyki dismissed this with a wave and interrupted.

"Loves him" He shrugged not caring. He could just imagine what Sheryl's reaction would be should he ever find out that Road had _kissed_ Allen and nestled herself in his lap while they were in the White Ark, a little before the boy and Tyki started fighting. "The boy is not bad for a human, I think that if you knew him, even you would end up liking him.".

He indicated the two shadows ahead with his chin in emphasis.

Sheryl scoffed at this and changed the subject.

"Well, her memories may be coming back, even if slowly. She _did_ say she _remembered_ that song from a dream, didn't she?".

Tyki nodded. The girl had a voice that was pleasant enough, albeit a little eerie (he was willing to blame this on the nature of her power and Noah genes) and due to mentioning of loneliness in that song, perhaps it was fitting.

"And the boy seems to be trying to help her as well." He commented with a sly smile. "Perhaps by spending time with her, he will see what it means to be a Noah and accept it" Although this was something he even hoped for (as Road certainly _would_ have if she were here and some of the others seemed to have started to think about), he considered this little provocation a payback for the times Sheryl acted all creepy towards him.

It was Sheryl's turn to dismiss his brother's idea with a wave of his hand, face twisted in pure disgust as much as his noble posture and manners would allow him. Once again, Tyki rolled his eyes and went back to watching Allen and Raz.

"Be as it is, they are family despite all. If necessary, in the end, we just have to break their legs and take them home". It would be sad to resort to this, but to have their family complete…

Both knew that once the Earl's patience was over, that was what they would do if any of them still refused to come peacefully.

 **XxX**

The white hair fell over his shoulders, still humid and his flesh retained the warmth of the bath. As it was common, after a warm bath, the person just felt a pleasant relaxation and even tiredness seemed far away.

Their training was no playing around of any sort. Allen frequently showed fight movements and offered tips, but the best way of learning such things was with experience and he and Raz always did their best.

There was also more in the training than just their abilities: It left both exhausted and therefore, they fell asleep easier without having to lie down in their beds silently, trying to expulse the crows of dark thoughts that appeared to peck their minds. Not that he or Raz spoke much about it, more due to the lack of need as it was a mutual comprehension.

Upon entering the guests' room, Allen stopped.

Raz distracted herself and a blue ball with small white stars fell between her fingers and when she tried to hold it, another fell in the floor. The girl sighed and picked it up, seeming embarrassed.

"And… What are you doing?" Allen asked as he sat in his chair with a smile. Raz limited herself to hold the two balls, one in each hand and lifted one of her shoulders, looking almost like an embarrassed child.

"I… I thought I could try doing something. To help in the performances and getting money, but…" There was no need for her to say it, it was clear which the issue was and frankly, it was a very simple thing: She was _awful._

Before he realized what he was doing, the words escaped from Allen.

"Raz… You know I can't go back to the Order".

The girl laid on him a long gaze and placed the balls on the table, before sitting in bed without a word and nodded, not blinking either, head tilted to the side as she heard him. Allen took a deep breath… This was worse than he had thought it would be. The words tangled inside him, grabbing his organs.

"Apocryphos is part of the reason, I told you so… But he isn't all the reason" Each word cut his mouth. It was as if he had to live all that again and it was worse. Putting it into words made it more real than it had been until now. "I'm… I'm the host of a Noah".

Raz's eyes widened and her lips parted in shock. However, she controlled herself and the silence dragged more words from Allen.

The start was simple, with the existence of the Fourteenth and what he had done, going through the fights in the Ark and how later, he had been informed about Neah… However, something inside him was breaking, cracking forming in something alike a dam that was finally giving in, freeing a waterfall and when Allen realized it, he wasn't talking of just this. Each event was connected to another and it felt like there was no end, that there were no words enough...

He told her everything.

He spoke of Mana, of his days with him and his death, his curse… About Cross and the Order. About Kanda, Lenalee, Krory, Lavi, Komui, their missions and when he had lost his Innocence and almost died… At this point, the girl shivered, eyes trembling as she heard about Suman Dark and Allen's pain at recalling this, even now, was of a wild intensity. For an instant, he was back to that forest, seeing the white body that no longer had life, feeling his arm being shattered under the power of Tyki Mikk, the Tease inside him gnawing and gnawing…

He was no longer sure he was telling this to Raz or if he was just unable to keep it once he had started letting it all escape (or was expulsing it) from inside him.

And he told, merely omitting details that were particular of Kanda and Alma and were not his to share, about when the Earl had woken Alma… The destruction of the Third…

He told about his arrest in the Order, Apocryphos' attack and his escape…

In the end, Raz stared at him and without any word, stood in front of him.

"Allen…" She whispered, eyes heavy with darkness. "All this… They…".

He waved his hand in front of his face as if getting rid of a fly and managed to smile. His voice was tired for talking for so long and he just wanted all that to end right now. There was no need to go on, no need…

"Hey, it's alright. I mean, I understand why they…".

"No, _it's not alright!"_ Her voice was a cold dagger in the air, though she didn't raise the tone. Yet, perhaps it would have been better if Raz had yelled. "Why do you say so? They _arrested_ you!". And yet, Allen had told all those events with calm, almost as if they hadn't happened to him and even now, he _smiled._

 _How could he smile?_

"Raz, they were afraid…".

"Who are you telling this to? Them, me or yourself? _We're both here,_ remember?" She repeated the words of some moments ago and shook her head, eyes never once leaving his. "You smile, but it is just a mask. It is a smile made of _lies"._

"They had no choice, Raz!" Allen insisted, wanting to suffocate that slithering thing that was moving inside him again, infecting his organs with something rotten. "I almost turned into a Noah right there in the middle of it all, after seeing this, what else could they…".

" _Stop that!"_ She hissed. "You said I'm your friend… So let me be your friend!".

They stared at each other for some seconds.

"It seems useless, doesn't it?" She whispered so quietly that just due to the intense silence that her words could be heard. "To cry when no one bothers to see your tears… To speak, when no one really cares to listen… It feels useless and senseless… But… I _am_ your friend. So, I'll see your tears. Even if you don't cry them…".

"Raz…" Allen still tried to insist, though the words now failed him, finding barriers in his throat. "I really don't…".

Suddenly, Raz was at his eyes' height and her fingers dug in the flesh of his shoulders. Though she kept her control, Allen could feel the despair irradiating from the whole girl. The next words were a whisper with the cutting of a scythe.

"Allen… _It is alright if you cry"._

The boy opened his mouth, unable to produce a single sound and it wouldn't have made a difference, for Raz carried on not allowing interruptions.

"You _won't_ be turning into a bad person if you feel hurt or angry with the Order! _That_ is what is alright, to feel betrayed!" She stopped for a moment, comprehending what was going on and shook her head. "Allen, you won't be _betraying_ anyone with those feelings…".

Something made a soft pressure in his eyes and throat. Allen meant to keep it down, but found himself unable to… Without any sort of thought, something more profound dominating his body, feeling suddenly empty and tired, he hugged the Noah.

Tears gathered in grey eyes. Something had been ripped apart inside him after confessing so many things and now there was a lightness that allowed tears that up until now had only existed in his soul.

Pain revealed itself in them, a deep wound that was forever exposed to wind and cold… No. A physical wound would have been far easier to clean, care and bear than something that was so deep in his body that there was no tending to it.

Raz was surprised and froze, but soon closed her arms around Allen, who hid his face on her shoulder. His body shivered, a glass that would shatter under any sudden movement.

Low, very low, his whisper wouldn't sound louder than a breeze.

"Why didn't they just _trust_ me?".

Raz didn't know how to help, where to reach the boy that was her friend. Careful, she caressed the back of his head. As she had said, it was alright to cry… It was alright to feel sorrow, anger or forsaken… Perhaps he feared that such feelings would work as cracks that the Fourteenth could use to take him over, yet somehow, she didn't think that would be possible.

For a long time, Allen let himself to remain there, hugging Raz as the tears were freed from that mysterious place that is the heart, feeling as she caressed his head, the other hand resting in his back, the arm making a light pressure… And he held on her, needing a physical point that would help him to not sink even further.

The hug was warm.

The weight in his chest seemed to be weakening in that warmth.

For a long time, they remained like this. Allen's tears ceased far earlier than all their reasons, however his body could no longer produce them. Still, it was that warmth that entered the bones of each other and filled that strange emptiness that can only be filled by the hug of a friend.

Slowly, they parted. Both had eyes scarred in a way that only those who can see beyond veils of lies as " _it's okay_ " or " _it doesn't hurt anymore_ " understand.

Using his arm to wipe his face, scarred by the dry path of his tears, Allen tried to smile.

This time, it wasn't a gesture made by lies.

"Well… I… C'mon. There must be something in which you're better than jugglery.".

He stood in front of her as they did when getting ready for training and before starting anything, he sighed.

"Raz… I… I'll keep walking. I'll keep going forward".

"Mana's promise" She said and agreed with a nod. There was no need to say things they both already knew. In response, Allen nodded as well.

They would _both_ go on. And not just in the presence of each other or due to common goals. They would go on _together._

* * *

 **Ana: In case you're wondering, yes, Wolf here likes the language of flowers. From the start, I had those details prepared. And a cookie to anyone who knows where the song is from!**

 **Kanda: I think I turned diabetic after this chapter.**

 **Ana: Oh, shut up, Bakanda. To be honest, I was really anxious to get to this chapter, it is personally one of my** _ **favorites**_ **until now… I feel like it is one of the most important, and not just because Allen finally told Raz everything. For me, that was important to** _ **Allen**_ **and his path.**

 **A point that has been well established in the series is how Allen sometimes carries things by himself. My personal take of this is that it's not just due to his eye, but also because deep inside, he was alone for a long time. And what happened to Mana still hurts. In the end, Allen cares too much for others. Nothing wrong with this, of course, but he tries to protect them by not burdening them with his problems.**

 **So, he sometimes needs a good** _ **push**_ **to tell when things are wrong. And honestly, take all that happened to him, especially how the Order treated him in the end: Would anyone just say "** _ **Oh, it's fine**_ **" and actually feel like it? Sure, he understands the reasons behind such actions, but understanding doesn't help the pain or change things** _ **at all**_ **. So, while he told Raz the truth, he also admitted to** _ **himself**_ **what happened and how he felt about it. Not going to say he is even close to being healed (I honest to God don't know if such a wound would ever be healed), but at least now he can deal better with the situation.**

 **And with that off to the review!**

 _ **jy24:**_ _Believe me, regarding the Order, things can only go worse from now on that Chaozii divulgated that little detail._

 _Wisely: Well, I guess no one will mourn him if I decide to break his mind._

 _Ana: Uh… Aren't you guys already torturing Lavi for information?_

 _Wisely: But we have to restrain ourselves from going with all we can, so I'd like to torture someone I don't need to worry about breaking._

 _Allen: Do we even need to point out how creepy that sounded or that would be redundant?_

 _Ana: Redundant… Well, about Levelier, I can't say what Hoshino planned for him (but if you ask me, it does feel like something along those lines, especially in the last chapter!). Regarding "Travelers"… He does have a plan, that I can tell._

 _Kanda: Tch. That bastard always has a plan._

 _Ana: Don't worry! Kanda will be back in just a few more chapters! Since I'm covering all the time Allen spent away, even before meeting Kanda, it takes a while, but we're getting there! I'm so happy you're liking this fic so much! Hope this chapter was good, too!_


	14. Act Fourteen – The Path Continues

" _Study the past if you would define the future". –_ Confuncius.

 **Act Fourteen – The Path Continues**

The noise of the cutlery mixed to the sound of muttered talk. In the air, traits of different foods slithered and one could see, in the opposite walls, black banners with the silver symbol of the Black Order. Not all members had meals together, but since they had changed the Headquarters, the group had became larger and the common hours of lunch and dinner made the cafeteria invariable full.

Here and there, among the sounds, it was possible to catch fragments of conversation. There was no need to pay much attention, especially if you focused your mind to hunt certain terms.

It wasn't quite easy to keep things a secret in the Order and the story of how Allen Walker had intended to save a Noah had spread with the fury of hell flames, in a very similar way of when he had started to be monitored along with Cross. As much as it had happened quite a long time ago, the detail had merely worked to incentive the belief that he was a traitor.

Truth to be told, Reever was tired of hearing people insisting in the same subject as a junkie returns to a pleasure-inducing drug. It was as if all that had happened preyed on people's strange pleasure of speaking ill of someone they've grown to hate. At Reever's side, Johnny was eating in silence.

In front of him, Miranda chewed looking to her plate with the soft gaze of an undisturbed lake. Some tables behind her, he could see Chaozii talking to some Finders, two of them the friends who had joined the Order at the same time as him.

Reever would have liked to not be angry at the Exorcist, however it was complicated once he had heard fragments of comments and conjectures that seemed to be growing and feeding off those who spread it.

" _Chaozii couldn't have picked a worse time to tell that to the Central"_ Lenalee, later, had told them about the true circumstances and how Allen had truly believed that Tyki Mikk had become a normal human. While some seemed to have been confused by this and others in doubt, some had turned resistant to what they believed to be a lie told by Allen.

" _This is out of hand. And ridiculous._ What _is truly happening here?"_ But there was no real reason for asking. It was an exhibition of part of human's nature. To some, among a war, paranoia and dread were a common poison that quickly advanced through the organism to provoke reactions of hate.

"Reever, please, calm down…" Miranda whispered, calling for his attention. Seeing he hadn't understood what she meant, the woman indicated his hand with her eyes. "You're almost bending the fork.".

It was true, he realized. His hand had been pressing it with all the strength, his knuckles were white and his flesh shivered. The man took a deep breath, trying to ignore the sensation in his own blood.

"Don't you get bothered by this?" He whispered back, happy that they were the only ones at the table. Krory used to sit with them, but he was still picking something for himself.

Miranda's eyes landed on Reever softly and, to his surprise, there was a shadow of smile in them. Johnny remained silence.

"Of course it does, but…" She hesitated and her smile became more real, even if it had roots in sadness. "You know, back in my old town, there were some children who used to mock me every single day… I know they were just children, you could say they didn't know any better, but even so it hurt.".

Reever didn't understand where the woman wanted to go with this, but comprehended what she meant. Age didn't matter and it was no excuse, words could be daggers and a dagger would cut no matter who was holding it.

"Even if I had tried anything, they wouldn't stop and I knew this".

"Not sure I follow…"

"What I mean is that we can't change some people's mind. So, to me, it's enough to know the truth and believe it" It was needles in the nerves to have to bear those depreciative comments of Allen, but the reality was that there was nothing they could do _for him._ So, she focused in her friendship for him…

There was worry for his disappearance, and an awful feeling of weight due to how she hadn't done anything for him… But if trusting him was, for now, the only thing she could do, then that was what she would do.

Reever frowned unsure, however he comprehended how they helped her to keep calm and ignoring the comments as she could. Somehow, he felt somewhat better and nodded.

Johnny noticed the section chief was calmer, but his thoughts were still plagued by dark veins.

" _If Allen someday decides to change sides"_ He thought bitterly. " _It will be because the Order pushed him to it."_ And he couldn't say that part of him didn't think that would be well deserved, that was the worst part. Perhaps the Exorcists really could only seek for him during missions, however Johnny felt like things would grown more complicated. Levelier was an astute dog and it wasn't a secret that many of the Science Department and some of the Exorcists had been close to Allen.

" _If he decides to send Central agents with them, using the excuse that it's for safety…"._

Meanwhile, choosing some food without truly minding what he picked, Krory had to stand a similar thing. Just when the talk about Allen seemed to be diminishing, the news had renewed the intensity of the fire. It was tiring to say the least.

"It makes you think" A firm voice sounded behind him and turning, the vampire Exorcist caught a pair of dark eyes, a face marked by a huge scar and dark blonde hair. He knew her by sight, though they had never talked much: Klaud Nine, one of the Generals and whose unit Lenalee was now part. "If people don't get tired of the same subject".

Krory didn't say anything right away, unsure of why the woman was speaking to him. Was it due to boredom in line, tiredness for hearing something she considered repetitive or something else?

"Apparently, no" It was better to not say the reality of his thought to someone he barely knew.

"I was in the reunion. Lenalee was quite adamant in defending Walker" The woman carried on with a tone that could have been used to discuss chances of raining later. "Have you spoken to her, lately?".

"I have" He replied in the same tone, adding. "It's no secret what she said. Everyone knows". Some people had asked Chaozii regarding details of what had happened in the Ark, about the fight and what Allen had done. In one of the occasions, Krory had been nearby and had heard. The young man hadn't seemed to mind repeating info, but when inquired about how Allen and Tyki had fought, he hadn't lied about how the white haired Exorcist had almost had his Innocence shattered once more and how he had refused to attack Lavi.

Even if those were positive points, they didn't receive as much attention and, seeing the results, Krory would rather that Chaozii had kept his mouth shut. Allen, Lenalee and Lavi (and he, when they told him the details) hadn't said a thing after going back because they knew Allen had been placed under vigilance (and would have done the same even if this wasn't the case) since they knew without need of words of how the Central wouldn't ever understand Allen's attitude and it wouldn't ever be seen with good eyes.

"Do you think she believes Walker will be back?".

The question could have a simple tone, but the words in itself sounded like a trap slapping the iron fangs to Krory, who opted for a reply that wouldn't denounce what he believed.

"If he did, he would be killed in anyway". Those who had called Allen a savior now called him a traitor. Just like the people of his village had called him vampire and monster, even with Allen and Lavi trying to explain that he had been, unwarily, killing akumas and as such, keeping those people safe…

But they had hated him their whole lives, seeing him as a monster even if they had never talked to him… So long with such a mindset couldn't be changed easily and he knew this.

It was hard to start seeing a monster as something different, but was that easy to start calling the known face of a friend a traitor?

Klaud limited herself to nod. The man was more controlled than Lenalee, didn't reveal his actual position easily and it was easy to guess that he distrusted her reasons to talk to him. Considering everything, it was a sensate choice.

Deciding to not insist, what could be interpreted as an attempt to pressure him, Klaud decided to not saying else unless Kroru continued the subject and her dark eyes examined the cafeteria, over heads and registering faces.

" _The reunion really couldn't be kept a secret."_ The reaction of some people was comprehensible, once that fear could affect people, a disease that twisted the nerves and thoughts. However, Klaud was a woman who trusted her instincts and the things were left unsaid. You could find more truth in a gaze and movement than in the sound of words.

And Klaud's instincts agitated, sending waves through her veins.

Something was wrong.

" _Indeed"_ She agreed in her thoughts. " _But what?"_ It felt like one of those things that were so obvious that this was how they could be unnoticed, as insane as the paradox sounded.

When Krory sat at Miranda's side, who was talking to Reever, Johnny stood with his empty plate.

"Already, Johnny?" Reever asked, a bit surprised. The other merely shrugged with a small smile.

"I was really hungry. Besides, I want take the free time to get some reports out of the way" He added. This could be a little peculiar, once the Science Department still had more reports and work than it could handle, however the members use to enjoy their free time and _not_ go back rushing to their tables as soon as they were done lunching. But all who were sitting there had an idea of what was the reason.

"You're planning to run later?".

In answer to Krory's question, Johnny just agreed.

"Yeah. If I can get rid of part of the paperwork now, maybe I'll have a longer time later for it".

"Well… See you later, then".

Reever followed Johnny with his eyes, thoughtful.

"He has been jogging a lot those days, right?" He muttered, unsure if to himself or any of the people there, even if the fact shouldn't surprise him that much. Many members of the inner Departments of the Order chose to make some sort of exercise sometimes, due to their sedentary life and Johnny's health had never been very good.

However, the man's line of thought would be more correct case he paid more attention to the suspicion he had inside, but that hadn't taken shape and existed only in essence.

There _was_ a reason to why Johnny Gill had started to exercise some weeks ago.

Everything was wrong and twisted. Even the oxygen sometimes seemed to turn into tiny glass shards. And Johnny remembered not only the night Allen had disappeared, but especially the attack to the Order, the first time they had seen a Level Four Akuma.

The people who had been hurt, bodies turning black and breaking into dust without leaving a trait of their existence as others, in a light, had their shapes altered and were lost forever…

" _Tapp…"._

Johnny he was nothing. In the Department, he could help with reports and tests, but out of this, not even in the great scheme of the Order, he was nothing. Just a human, weal and who couldn't even defend himself.

While a dark depression surged in his interior and pulled him softly, devouring his will of standing up each morning and the hunger, dissolving all laugh as there was no more light or hope. Even he wanted, what could he ever do?

However, on one night he had been lying down and sleepless, images from past pecked his mind and suddenly, the young man had sat up. It was as if the last days had been spent in the frontier between reality and nightmares.

 _What in the seven hells he was doing?_

Fighting the lethargy that took over his members, Johnny had stood and walked to room's window. A kind of fire was born in his nerves running through his blood and he had to make a conscious effort to keep that flame before he fell again inside himself.

Yes, all that had happened was awful, a storm that he couldn't define and that had ended up in those events.

 _So what?_

To understand such particularities wouldn't make any difference!

" _See the facts as they are, Johnny Gill"_ He told himself with ferocity. " _Split the info and analyze them, isn't this how you solved the physics problems at school? Very well. Allen has Noah genes. The Clan is after him and so is the Order now. Do you need to have the result drawn to you?_ He is alone!".

As painful as the situation was, it was a thousand times worse for Allen. And what kind of "family" they were, if they had abandoned him? Lenalee, Krory, the Exorcists couldn't do anything, they were too tied by the Central. _He was not._

Or at least, he wasn't as caught as the others.

Yes, he was a mere human, without Innocence and of a weak health even. This was a fact, but this shouldn't mean that it was also a reason to _not do anything._ That was when they stopped being facts to become excuses of a coward.

He had thought, a little after the attack to the Order, that he didn't want to be a burden to Allen or any other friend. And what he had ended up _doing?_ Words were just that, words. It was easy to apologize or say pretty promises, but it was very different to _say_ sorry and _make_ promises. This was a song, uniting words and acts in a melody.

Thinking about Allen alone and facing all this without having someone at his side, different emotions mixed in him making waves, bitter and sweet, loud and low. He was worried for Allen, ashamed of himself, missing his friend, regret, despite for him and the Order…

Without trying to solve that yarn ball, Johnny had made his decision and ever since, he had started to exercise every day. At first it had been hard. He wasn't used to, his body was slow, taking time to get used and some doctors had told him about the excess. Johnny had heard them until certain points, but still did the best he could without having consequences more damaging than beneficial.

His decision was made.

When his resistance improved enough for him to know he wouldn't be a burden, Johnny Gill would leave the Order.

There was, out there somewhere in the world, a friend who needed him.

 **XxX**

"I'm nervous…" She muttered, unsure when they placed their things in a free area of the park when they wouldn't bother the way of others. Allen looked at her amused, face covered in white makeup.

"You're the one who said you wanted to give it a try…" The answer came in a playful tone, but it did little to help Raz's tension and Allen noticed as she held her wrist. "Look, we trained. Remember what I told you.".

She remembered. The makeup was like a mask and it helped. Like actors abandoned their identity to become characters when they stepped in the stage, they should leave behind theirs. There was no "Allen" and there was no "Raz", there were just two young pierrots.

Mana had taught this to Allen.

" _If you get nervous, your performance becomes weak, your movements lose the confidence. This is not what the public wants and they will notice. So, relax. Show they confidence, smiles of someone who would jump over fire and moats. Dance as if you could do anything. Behind the makeup there must be just the pierrot, no fears and no tension. Trust yourself, Allen."_ At the beginning, in his first performance, Allen had been scared upon trying something new… And he had always been told to be away from the public back… Back there. When he trained with Mana was something, but to _actually_ perform was something else entirely.

"Take a deep breath" She repeated, almost as a child repeating what her parents had told her. "Just be calm, send the tension away and trust yourself."

"Exactly".

Some people walking by spied they and others were standing a bit far away, watching, perhaps curious or perhaps waiting to see them perform. Allen opened a small bag, picked five balls and took some steps forward and started throwing them in the air, starting to juggle. Upon fixating his rhythm, sometimes he spun over a foot, never letting a ball fall.

After some days and several tries, both had reached the conclusion that Raz had no "knack" for this. It was a polite way to say that, actually, the Noah girl wouldn't be able to juggle not even to save her own life. However, the training and natural fighting could be used for something more. With them, one learned to have a good balance, it improved reactions and agility.

So, the young girl could not know how to juggle. But this didn't mean this was the only thing left to do in street performing.

Raz pushed a larger ball, after they had filled it as a balloon. She laid over it, twisting her back and somehow throwing it in the air. With movements of a fast panther, the Noah jumped over it and sometimes was back in the ground and made it spin in the air to jump on it, almost in a dance.

Some people were approaching, but somehow Raz didn't see them… She knew they were there, but they were just a mass that had no meaning. All her focus was on the "now and here", body moving in instinct. Allen was right, their training came to her and it brought with it a kind of confidence.

Their performance lasted just the necessary (" _Know the time to leave. Let the public wanting more")._ Allen played a little of his old flute (it felt so small and fragile, he remembered it being longer and heavier in his child's hands), he and Raz made some acrobatics that would have looked exotic in the eyes of those people, crossing in the air and combining moves to make a dance.

There were laughs and sighs. Once they were done (though they weren't at all tired, they use to work harder than this) some people left coins and some notes in the hat Allen passed to them. Some children seemed disappointed that it was over when Allen and Raz started to put their things away, proving it was over for now.

"See? You did good!" Allen commented, as they carried their things through the streets, the ball Raz had used an empty carcass in the bag. The girl wasn't excellent and would still need practice, but she had done well for the first time. The acrobatics had been her best moment, since she had more training in them.

Her makeup was the same Allen wore and, so the hair wouldn't stand in her eyes, Raz had placed it in a ponytail. The clothes at first had been another matter as there were no more rests from Allen or Mana's costumes to make another that fitted her while looking good enough. However, they had remembered the clothes Allen had found her with.

Taking it out of her bag, for some instances, Raz had studied it… When telling about his past, Allen also hadn't left out anything he knew about the Ark and how he had found the girl. While telling this, he also remembered that the Noah were human before their genes woke up… And Raz had also been so.

How had she been when she was a human? She practically never assumed the shape of a Noah, but upon seeing her holding that strange suit, Allen remembered the night he found her, her grey skin and golden eyes. Would she remember not only the other Noah, but also her life before them?

With Barbar's help, they had patched what was necessary in the suit, the ends of the white pants with small openings in the sides of the thighs with a black thread crossing in several small X and a thin black line following down until the ends, where there was a small cut at the ankles' side. Then there was that cross between a blouse and jacket… And she had gone back to wear those strange wristbands, three white strands held together in one point. Somehow it made Allen think about those wristbands of mental hospital's patients (not that he would ever tell her this!).

They substituted the white thread in the collar for a black one and given her black shoes. The overall result had been good enough.

"I kinda forgot how nervous I was at some point" The girl commented with a small smile in the black-painted lips, her ponytail resting over her shoulder. Allen laughed as if saying " _told you so"._

"I think I'll miss it here" The boy commented as he looked around the streets. Now that they would leave soon, it seemed they had stayed here for too little time. There had been some comfort in going back to a house and not an inn, in taking care of the gardens with Barbar and help in other chores as if those things were the only things they had to worry about.

Sometimes, they would go to the local church together. Since Raz hadn't done catechesis (neither had Allen, honestly), she couldn't take part in communion, but this didn't matter as she would listen the mass and would usually make questions afterwards that would lead to long talks. Once, Allen had seen her sitting in the floor in front of Mother, who seemed to be talking about religion to her.

As such, many thoughts would float in her mind, especially while lying down as she waited to fall asleep… If God had created all beings in this world, this implied he had also created the Noah (as, for the lack of other term, species) and yet she knew one Noah had told Allen that the Exorcists were following a false God (but according to Allen, she didn't care at all if humanity's demise was the wish of God or the Devil, so they didn't know for sure how much of this was true).

This also led another thought… Raz remembered the passage when Jesus had taught the apostles the "Our Father" prayer and the priest had later pointed out how in this was calling God a father, which made us closer to him and to his love.

Following all this, then this made her a creature of God as well?

"Me too… I liked it here.". Raz agreed, with similar feelings the boy had. She turned to him, as if suddenly with an idea. "Don't you think we should try getting in contact with Alison and the others?".

"I've thought about that. It would be good" Allen had called to them one time, to the hotel of the city Elana had told him they were heading. "They said they would be leaving yesterday by the afternoon, they must have reached the new place by now.".

"We could go back to them… Unless you already have a closer destination in mind?".

"Not exactly…" The boy sighed, looking ahead. The fields were already visible and soon they would leave the streets behind. A small child laughed in the mother's arms upon seeing them and the woman smiled warmly at them, who imitated the gesture. "It will be hard, but I remember a little of their route…".

Allen knew he needed to know about himself. Perhaps then he would be able to know how and when he had turned into the Fourteenth host and also get clues about the events of the past.

When he was a child, he frequently wondered, usually late at night, _where_ he had come from and _who_ he truly was. If he asked about it (when he did), the only reply he had was that he had been found casted away. Which now that he was older, he could see that wasn't a real answer. This was what they said that had happened.

At some point of his life, such questions had been pushed away, to be left in the sad place old toys are left and memories are thrown to be forgotten. Now they were coming back.

He wanted to know who Neah was, who Mana was… In reality, he knew little about the two of them. But the person he also didn't know was himself.

Once he had realized this, he had even chuckled to himself. There was some irony here, as in the end, he perhaps wasn't that different from Raz.

Allen had been the name Mana had given him. But and before this? Had he ever had a name?

He didn't know.

The only place he had in mind as a starting point was the place where he never wanted to go back: The circus where Mana had found him.

It was an idea that gave birth to repulse, no matter how necessary it was. And finding a traveling circus wouldn't be that easy, but as he had told her, Allen still remembered a little of some points of the usual route and could hope that they still used them. Since they knew they would have a good public in those towns, they usually would go back to them while also searching new places.

"Well, even the nearer town we could try is still quite far" He commented more to himself. It wouldn't be any huge deflection if they headed to meet the Exiled and besides, they both wanted to see them again.

"Ah!" He exclaimed as if recalling something and, opening his luggage a little and seeking the interior carefully to not let any of the other things fall. The balls rolled to the sides. Raz watched, frowning and not understanding what he was doing.

"Here!" He turned to Raz, a smile illuminating his face as he gave her his closed fist before open his fingers just a little, among them a silver thread slipped.

Raz looked from his hand to him.

The boy nodded vehemently, smiling with incentive for her to pick whatever that thing was.

"I thought you could like it! As a gift for your first presentation!".

A little hesitantly, the girl held the small chain and held it in her palm, studying it… It was really a tiny chain, with some pendants at regular spaces… Her finger ran over the delicate links as if she was almost afraid of breaking it.

The pendants were silver tears, frozen in different shapes. Some were tiny bells that tinkled tingled gently, other was a half moon, a feather, a star…

She had seen those shapes before.

"But Allen… This…" She started, uncertain as her eyes lifted to Allen, not knowing how to turn what she felt about this into words. Those were adornments that had been sewed in Allen and Mana's old costumes. Somehow, it didn't feel right that he would give her something that had been part of those suits… It had been _theirs._ It could be just pierrot suits, but it had been part of their daily lives and one of the few things they had…

Not wanting to listen and already aware of what she was probably thinking, Allen just nodded and gesture that Raz shouldn't mind this.

"But…".

"It's an anklet" He explained a little louder as if to suffocate his friend's voice. "You wear it on the ankle. Or… You didn't like it?". He asked, fully aware how this was not the case.

"Or course I _did_!" She hurried to say. "It is _beautiful,_ it's just that…".

"Raaaz…" Grey eyes weight on her, making clear that nothing else she said would be of any use and he nodded more for her to accept.

The Noah stopped in a trail that cut the fields, placing her bag in the ground for a moment with and leaned, placing the chain around one of her ankles. The bells made a light _tlink_ when she shook her ankle a bit to see if the clasp was well closed.

"Thanks, Allen" She muttered with a smile. "Thanks…".

 **XxX**

"We'll miss you so much! You guys have to come by again, okay?" Barbar said, hugging Allen in such way that he seemed to want to crush his bones. "We'll miss you both!".

Mother, pipe in her hand, had a small smile.

"And watch, you two." She muttered, a cloud of light smoke escaping the end of the pipe. "Even if I won't even to ask you two to have common sense…" She grumbled as she shook her head, the onyx eyes falling on Raz.

The old woman was shorter than Raz, but she had realized in just few days how her eyes could make anyone feel small.

"Stay at his side, girl." There was warning in this tone, but if regarding the other Noah or herself, Raz couldn't tell and just acquiesced. The ferocious stare became harsher, demanding a verbal answer.

"I will".

"Good" The woman seemed satisfied, her gaze then going to Allen when Barbar let him go, his strong arms now wrapping Raz, squeezing and lifting her as if she was a mere doll.

"Don't forget what I told you, boy" Mother continued. "Don't lose yourself. This is an inner battle, you'll need more than physical strength".

"I know…".

"No, you don't" The woman interrupted so harshly that Allen lowered his gaze as a reprimanded child. But it felt good somehow. "If you knew, _I_ wouldn't be saying a thing. Always… Always be firm in who you truly are, Allen Walker." She didn't know where he had come from and had told him so, but in any case, what mattered the most was who he was.

Her eyes slithered to the Noah, who Barbar was saying he hoped they would see again. This was a feeling the old woman shared.

"This goes for the both of you" She whispered. " _Be careful"._

 **XxX**

The phone rang just twice before a masculine voice picked it up. Allen told the names he was searching and, after some moments, another voice picked the line.

"Hi, Allen!".

He couldn't avoid a smile with a chuckle.

"How did you know it was me, Lauren?".

A giggle, almost as the singing of a morning bird came from the other side.

"Well, the receptionist said there was a boy who wanted to talk to me or the others" A moment of silence during which Allen could imagine her raising a shoulder. "The only ones who actually know the exact hotel we would stay here were you and Raz, so…".

"Okay, okay" He gave in shaking his head. "It was a silly question".

"A little" The mocha-skinned girl replied. "Tell me, how have you guys been? Are you safe?".

"We're fine… We're living Liverpool, just waiting the train." At his side, Raz pointed to herself and waves her hand a little. "Raz is sending "hi", too". The other girl nodded then, looking satisfied.

"Another for her! Hey, where are you heading? We could meet and travel together again! The others are worried and…".

"We've been thinking exactly about this. The train we picked heads to your current town direction, so…" He was about to say that unless they were also leaving, they could mark a town where they should meet, but Lauren didn't let him finish.

" _Great! Do it!"_ Her voice was a quick arrow that held cheerfulness and also her smile. "I told you, we were worried about this. I mean, whatever you guys need to do alone, it doesn't mean we can't get together for a while.".

Allen felt words gluing to his throat.

He and Raz had been just as worried. Not for the first time, feeling the warmth of Timcampy in his head, he lamented how the Exiled had no golems of their own that they could use. It would make communication far easier.

"But and you? Are you all safe?".

"We're okay, we met an akuma while we were coming here" And she hurried to add. "A level Two, so don't worry. It was easy" _If compared to those Level Three_ floated between them without need to be said. Allen still felt uneasy… There was no doubt Tyki would have told about them and he hoped the Exiled would remain out of the Earl's reach…

"We should take some days, maybe even weeks yet" Allen commented, calculating the actual distance. "But we're going to try to get there as soon as possible.".

They still talked for a while longer, before Allen gave the phone to Raz. Even with the idea of having to track the old circus where he had lived, there was a pleasant sensation in the idea of meeting with the group again.

* * *

 **Ana: A short chapter without much happening, sorry. But don't worry, we'll be back to action soon. Allen decided to go in search of his old circus... Oh, for those who wish to know, the song of last chapter was " _Hanakotoba wa Kodoku" (_ "The Flower's Meaning is Loneliness") from Kuroshitsuji's musical " _The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World"._**

 **Road: Hey, when I'll be back? I want to see Allen!**

 **Tyki: Don't let Sheryl hear how much you love him, he will want to rip him apart.  
**

 **Road: He has to understand that I just love Allen! End of story.**

 **Allen: Don't I get a say in this?**

 **Ana: Guys...?**

 **Wisely: Since when this became Romeo and Juliet or whatever?**

 **Allen: Where do we look like Romeo and Juliet?**

 **Ana: HEY?**

 **Road: Plus, we will have a better ending than them.**

 **Lenalee: No, wait, everyone knows I'm supposed to be with Allen!**

 **Ana:** **We have reviews to respond, hello?**

 **Road: Yeah, forgot... You were literally created _just_ for that, we could cut you off the story and it would make no difference, Miss. I Cry And Do Nothing! I, on another hand, am interesting even if I wasn't in love with him!**

 **Lenalee: WHAT? Please, you're a Miss Psychopath! You don't really like Allen, you've hurt him a thousand times! You're even worse than a yandere, you...**

 **Tyki: Oh, there we go...**

 **Allen: Should we try to do something?**

 **Wisely: Advice, getting involved in a girls' fighting only means trouble. When they have powers, is suicide.**

 **Ana: I usually say "no shipping wars", but they are part of the ships, so... Whatever, this is too weird, can we please go to the reviews?**

 _ **bibliophile030:** That's a relief, I tried to imagine how they would react. Angered at her refusal, but some still go for the "lack of memories" excuse. For now, the Earl is leaving them be, but as Tyki and Sheryl said, this may not last much. _

_Raz: Meaning, we're screwed?_

 _Ana: Pretty much._

 _Allen: I know! She is really nice! I hope we will get her memories back!_

 _Ana: Don't worry, all will be revealed with time..._

 ** _jy24:_** _It was about time he finally told her everything. So, no more secrets. Raz came to the Noah Clan a lot before Neah's betrayal, actually._

 _Allen: Was he the one who placed her inside the Ark like that?_

 _Ana: Not saying. There will be more soon and while major details may delay, I'm happy that people are wondering of what happened! If you have any idea/theory/suspicion, please tell me! I'd love to know!_


	15. Act Fifteen – Unchangeable, Unforgotten

" _It has been said "_ time heals all wounds _". I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone" –_ Rose Kennedy _._

 **Act Fifteen – Unchangeable, Unforgotten.  
**

She didn't know where she was.

But this was not a source of conscious worry. In the situation, there was only the most pure and instinctive state to which every creature regresses when crossing the limit of horror the mind is able to stand.

All she knew now was the darkness, the desperate beating of her own heart…

And the fact there was someone there with her.

She could hear screaming around. The words were incoherent, had no meaning, yet the emotion they carried were clear.

Although she couldn't see, she knew somehow she had no way out. Yet, she walked back until feeling a surface behind and shrunk, trying to feel her path as she searched for a hiding place, an escape route…

For a second, there was silence, haunted by the echo of the yelling. Her heartbeat made a buzz in her ears, so much that she was sure the person chasing her would hear it…

She stayed still.

Should she go on? Should she stay there?

A bang.

Something shone in the dark in front of her.

She avoided it, but there was a river of agony cutting her nerves as her flesh was tore.

Holding her arm, she felt the warmth of her own blood.

The vibration in her throat could be sobs or words, there was no difference. The blood flew between her fingers, gushing and gushing as if it wanted to run away too and the tears burned her eyes.

The blade sought her flesh again and she jumped, knowing (more than seeing) the direction of a passage, which she took. Her persecutor shrieked.

Screamed? Laughed? She didn't know, didn't know!

The smell of her own blood let a trail in the air.

The muscles of her legs ached, but she tried to ignore.

Run and run, it was all that mattered. There was no way of knowing how long this passage was, but she couldn't afford the risk of rest. Screams or laughs chased her along with a blade. The sound a whip in her soul that was about to rip apart.

Something slid down her face in a liquid mask. She knew it was her blood.

Suddenly, a fall.

Body slamming against an irregular surface, bones hitting hard points.

When she realized, she was casted against a smooth surface once more. Blind and in pain, her hand felt around before the girl stood, shivering with an agony that reached her mind, heart and all that was her.

She took off to some direction.

Her hair was pulled back strongly enough to almost make her fall, neck bending behind with the bones crying out in protest.

Something cold, oh so cold, in her throat…

Her body jerked forward with the shock, light hurting her eyes and breathing out of rhythm as her hands sought her throat and face…

No wounds. No blood, though the smell was still alive in her senses.

Raz took some deep breaths, fighting to calm herself down. The sensation of dread still grabbing her organism was familiar and she knew this was the nightmare she used to have (or at least one of them). Her first thought to open way on the haze of her mind was that this was the first time she managed to remember some details of it. Until now, everything regarding this dream would disappear in the moment she opened her eyes and all that remained was that fear.

Now, she wasn't surprised that this was the case.

Something warm landed in her shoulder and she recoiled, a scream stopping in the middle of her throat and blocking air passage…

But it was Allen, his face marked by worry and hesitation.

"Raz…?" He muttered, lowering his hand upon seeing the Noah's reaction. He had seen her shaking in her sleep and gone to her with the intention of waking her up when Raz had suddenly sat straight with a quick breathing. She hadn't even noticed him until when he touched the girl's shoulder.

"Ah…" She muttered, not knowing what to say and passing her hand through her hair, putting away the uneven strands from her face. Allen saw her hand shivered.

"Are you alright?".

"Yeah, yeah… I'm fine…".

It was a lie and both knew it.

Allen straightened the straps of his backpack, not taking his eyes off her. Raz raised her shoulders in a stretch and seeing through the window to the station and picking her own backpack that was at her side.

"Were you having a nightmare?" It was more an affirmation than actual question, trying to test the waters with a gentle tone.

Raz hesitated, almost repeating that she was fine, but became quiet under Allen's gaze that, without a need for words, made her remember what she had told him when the boy had confessed everything regarding himself, the Order and the chain of events that had pushed him to the present situation.

"You remember what you told me?" He commented even so, keeping the tone the same. Raz had asked him to let her be his friend. The contrary was valid just as well.

So, Raz sighed and nodded slowly.

"It's the first time I can remember of it. At least a little…" She commented with a whisper as they left their cabin and followed a corridor. A man of dark hair and beard passed by them, muttering apologies when he bumped into Allen's shoulder in his hurry.

Allen continued to look at the Noah.

"Was it something with your memories?" If so, them it hadn't been a pleasant moment of her life. By the way she had seemed to twist, a whimper apparently caught in her throat as a spider… Allen could only imagine the cause.

"I'm not sure…" Raz remembered the pain caused by fear. But it hadn't been just that or the wounds that had hurt her. Now, keeping the sensation and the images as fresh as she could, Raz realized that there had been something more, something unpleasant that squeezed her heart.

"But I think it was." She concluded, trying to act as if it wasn't anything that serious and failing. Any other person, however, wouldn't have truly noticed it however it was Allen, who had been living with her for two months now and could feel the vibration of her voice.

They left the train, being welcomed by afternoon sun. Leaving the station, they took a route to the city's limits and prepared themselves for a long walk cutting the green fields. The city where the Exiled were now was near to this one but it hadn't its own train station, so Allen and Raz would have to go from here by foot.

And Raz told him about her dream.

"I… I don't know where I was. I couldn't _see_ " Perhaps it was an illusion due to the sun, but Allen thought that, for a moment, her eyes had gained a golden reflex. "But there was someone there with me. Hurting me…".

Her throat got dry once more. It wasn't so much that there had been someone with her, but _after_ her and the girl needed to control her hand so it wouldn't go to her shoulder, trying to feel a wound that wasn't there.

Had it been a memory? She had no scars that would confirm this, but it meant nothing in the end. The cut in her dream could have not been deep enough to leave scars, no matter how much the pain had been and for what Allen had told her of his battles with the others… Well, he had seen that Tyki still had scars from when he had used his Innocence Sword in him.

In front of the nature of her nightmare, Raz would have preferred if it had nothing to do with reality, but something in her wasn't convinced.

Her spine felt cold.

"Do you have any idea of who it was?" Allen asked, curious and concerned, wondering how it had truly been. As many things, one thing was to hear about it and the other was to experience it.

And he couldn't help but to wonder if it had been something related to the thirty five years incident.

Raz, however, just shook her head looking disappointed that she had no answer. Her thoughts were going in the same direction as Allen's: The person of her dream could have been Neah.

" _Maybe it wasn't so much that I couldn't see anything. But more than I didn't want to…"._

Allen didn't know what to say and just held her shoulder, he himself relaxing once he felt she didn't shiver anymore. Had it been Neah? An Exorcist? Or her dream hadn't had anything to do with any of it?

Raz, on another hand, tried to push the dream to the back of her mind. She didn't want to think about it, to be honest. That voice, whose sound she couldn't remember, but whose essence was still lively inside of her. All she knew was that this someone had been trying to cut her (if to injury or kill, she didn't know).

The "who" and "why", she had no idea.

Most immediate answer could be an Exorcist. The thought didn't make her feel any better at all… But if it had been so, why to feel like this? An Exorcist trying to kill a Noah (and vice-versa) would have been… Well… _Natural._ The girl realized she didn't like this thought at all, no matter if this was how things were.

And she would have known this, back then. So why the sensation of a broken blade inside her?

Realizing Raz was lost in thought and probably still bothered by her dream, Allen poked her arm gently with his elbow, pulling her from wherever she was sinking. Her eyes looked pale.

"C'mon, Raz. You know there is no use in thinking about it now" He didn't know how much of a comfort that was, but seeing they were seeking about Mana (and therefore, Neah as well), they could find answers to her as well, which would be a better option than recurring to the Earl. "And if it was a memory, well, you are here, right?" He didn't tell her she shouldn't worry if the person chasing her was still alive, he knew this was hardly the focus of her thoughts.

Except for the song of the Erica flowers, this was the first thing related to her past that she could remember. The song had been a knowledge coming back, more like the name of objects and colors and she hadn't remembered of where the song had come from.

That dream, as weird as it was, it was more memory-related.

Raz nodded with a sigh.

"You're right…" And she stretched her neck back, turning her face to the sky as if trying to force the thoughts to the back of her mind. "The others will meet us at a restaurant, right?".

Allen embraced the change of subject and quite happy to do so.

"That was what we combined, remember? And if you ask, I even think Elana will…".

Suddenly, he held her arm, nails digging her skin and forcing her to stop. Raz had no need to ask him what was wrong.

His eye turning red was enough indicative.

Curiously, at the same time his eye reacted, Raz felt a phantom feeling in her… She couldn't pinpoint exactly, if it was under her heart or at some place in her mind…

There was no time wasted to unveil what it was, turning to some direction. A normal person wouldn't be able to hear it or would blame it in noises from the woods. But they like hounds at this point, used to catch determined sounds. It was something among the wind in the trees, something that had nothing to do with nature.

Raz growled in frustration and worry.

Allen didn't wait, he took off among the trees.

He knew that sound.

The sensation in his eye was something he knew. The sensation didn't hurt, but made his eye feel shivering in the socket, sending waves to the mind.

" _God, let me be wrong if this is what I think it is…"._

Raz jumped the rocks with him. The silver anklet that hadn't left her ever since Allen had given it to her tinkled at each step in a nervous cadence.

"What is it?" She knew it was an akuma attack. However the way he ran, his grey eye almost silver with a gleam of worry and his flexed muscles, it seemed to be something more this time.

"Just run!" I was the reply. The low sound was intertwined by others, of falls and things hitting against others. Those were sounds of fighting, something both were far too used to.

There was something else. An acute sound that formed a twisted rhythm.

Allen knew, whoever was at that forest, was lost.

Raz felt his urgency and hurried. After the trainings, her resistance was increasing as if her body was now remembering its limits were different from humans and it was easier to keep up with Allen.

The muttering of a waterfall became louder. Other sounds were still there. Allen's eye indicated the right direction.

His heart was cold in his body and his lungs had shards in the flesh. His mind conjured images that brought back involuntary sensations. Even if he wished he was wrong, he knew what he would find soon ahead…

He would have entered the region without hesitation if Raz hadn't hold him, almost making him fall when he forced him against a tree of thick roots to hide.

"RAZ! What do you think…".

The girl's hand went against his mouth when she forced him to be quiet, indicating the space ahead with her head. She looked even more nervous now.

The trees retreated, creating a more open space where one could see flowers of white and shell-pink. A lake was ahead and surrounded by smooth rocks. A waterfall waved as an eternal veil…

It would have been beautiful, a place of peace and relaxation.

If it wasn't for the battle. There were huge scratches in the ground that revealed the dark earth as a wound shows flesh. Some trees had been bended by lost blows and one of the rocks seemed to have been broken.

And the thing standing over one of them, an evenly-toothed smile in its face, could have been made of bones due to its paleness. The eyes were red, dead and alive at the same time. There was just a star-shaped black pentagram in the forehead that, against the white, gave the illusion of being a sort of hole.

A Level Four Akuma.

In the horror caused by previous experience and the sight of the tortured soul Allen, however, hadn't seen that there was someone else there. A tall woman whose blonde hair was in a ponytail with some strands loose. With her, there was something that could be a kind of white sagui monkey, if it wasn't for the fact the thing was almost as big as the akuma.

But it hadn't been any of this that had made Raz hold Allen back.

It had been the black coat with a silver rose cross.

"Exorcist…" She muttered with a voice Allen had heard before from other Noah when they referred to the members of the Order, but never from her. Lately, with the trains and exposition to the presence of Innocence, Raz was getting more used to it, becoming easier to control the storm that had almost dominated her before.

However, now it wasn't as such.

Perhaps because she knew this woman _was_ of the Order, _an Exorcist,_ made her blood stir. For an instance, her eyes became golden.

"Klaud Nine." Allen whispered back. "She is one of the Generals".

Raz walked back carefully, face made of ice and ignoring the sounds of fighting and the growls of the monkey, the voice of the akuma. Allen at once saw that, to her, there was no reason for them to get involved.

"Let's go".

"We can't!" Allen whispered, not making a move to follow. They a distance safe enough to talk, covered up by how the Akuma and the General alike were too focused in their fight anyway.

"Listen to yourself!" Raz hissed. "What do you _think_ she is going to do?".

The answer was clear. Even if they won against the akuma, there was still Klaud to deal with. There were several ways this could end and none sounded beneficial to them.

Nonetheless, this knowledge existed in essence or not in thought: He still remembered of the first time he had seen a Level Four… And the giggles he heard now were not from memory.

"I told you about the Level Four, Raz…" He whispered back. Raz nodded, showing o reaction. Even she, Noah unable to see souls, had been unable to avoid feeling disturbed by that. All she knew about Akumas was what Allen knew and perhaps because of this, the Level Four was as scary to her as it would be to any human.

As if this was a cue, a childlike giggle sounded. Low, but enough to cut the sound of the waterfall. A mechanic acute voice, with the echo that wasn't natural. It was too obscene.

"We can't leave her like this. _I can't"_ He held her shoulder with urgency, as if wanting to keep her from leaving. Raz held his shoulders in the same way.

"What you can't do is to save _everyone_!".

Both stayed in silence before Raz took a breath and carried in a calmer tone.

"Allen, please, listen to me… _Assuming_ we manage to deal with a Level Four, assuming we manage to run away from that woman, _she is still going to tell everything to the Order!"_ It was impossible to believe otherwise. The towns nearer the road would be investigated and the Exiled would have to leave as soon as possible as well.

And that wasn't all…

"What do you think they will conclude of this?".

Allen hesitated. All akuma knew about them. The Earl himself had told them they could be used as eyes for him. Allen didn't know _how_ that worked, but it had been like this that he had figured out he was actually Neah's host.

Therefore, the Level Four would at once know Raz was nearby, even if Allen told her to stay hidden. And he would probably comment something about it. And if she followed Allen in the fight (since hiding was pointless anyway), Klaud would easily figure out by herself.

In a way or another… Klaud (and the Order), would know Allen was traveling alongside with a Noah.

What they would take of this?

" _Why didn't they just_ trust _me?"._

His heart throbbed.

They already saw him as an enemy…

Such thoughts didn't take more than two seconds. And even aware of their importance, the boy couldn't bring himself to turn his back and ignore the noise that called as a signal.

"Raz… Even so… It just _doesn't matter!"_ There was much he could say to her, to try to explain, but he limited to get free, let his backpack fall among the roots and run around a little behind the trees so he could attack the akuma's back. The surprise element could at least be somewhat useful, he hoped.

The Noah felt her blood agitating once more and growled to herself, throwing her own bag at the ground.

"Damn be your "heart of Exorcist", you _moron!"._

Klaud backed away, ignoring the pain in her arm. Due to being Parasitic, all that Lau Jimin suffered affected her as well. Ahead, the monkey waved his tail. Right now, their minds were connected, thoughts touched each other in essence, allowing communication.

The akuma touched his mouth with his fingertip, like a child excited for a perverse game. His teeth were all identical in shape and size, neither human nor animal.

It attacked.

Lau jumped behind to avoid it and also protecting his owner, who could feel in a corner of her own thoughts the monkey's rage for the akuma. It wasn't so much what the akuma _was,_ but more how it was a threat to Klaud.

Fist still in the ground, the akuma tilted the head to the side, still smiling.

"You're fun!" It chirped in that twisted voice. "Do try to not die soon, okay!".

The whip cut across the grass. Lau jumped with a roar that wouldn't ever be heard from a normal monkey, throwing itself against the akuma, carving the claws of all paws in the metal, without being able to pierce it.

"We're not here to play". The woman commented dryly, focusing her energies in her hands and feet, joining her strength to Lau's. A pain pierced her interior when the Akuma's wings hit the animal's shoulders, as if to break his bones.

Lau back away and attacked at the same instance a ball of Dark Matter came to her. Klaud jumped, landing in a rock nearby. Her right shoulder and Lau's were a mass of flesh that throbbed.

Neither of them paid attention to it.

The akuma giggled in delight and went to her.

Klaud whip cut the air. The part of her mind that was hers and Lau's attacked, grabbing his wings and pressing them with all strength they had as the ankles were crossed in the Akuma's waist to avoid a fall.

" _Let's crush those wings, Lau Jimin!"_ She sent the thought to her Innocence monkey through the link that united them, feeling a deep agreement from the animal. For the first time, the Akuma shook itself with anger, throwing itself against the ground to crush Lau. They fought back, Lau managing to change position, aiming the akuma's head to the ground instead.

In the last minute, they had to let go when Lau felt the akuma would be able to turn in the last second. The wings looked somewhat damaged, but now enough.

A wave of Dark Matter was casted in the air. Klaud jumped, but the vibration in the air hit her foot. A sword cut her when she felt the Akuma grabbing Lau's ankle when the tried to avoid the attack.

The creature threw the monkey in the ground, but made the mistake of releasing him. Lau jumped to his paws, avoiding a painful impact.

Klaud stood over the rock, managing to balance herself.

The akuma seemed curious, as if thinking that by distracting Klaud he would have been able to attack the monkey easily.

It wasn't possible. Once the Innocence Lau Jimin was activated, there was no way to break their link. Concentration had nothing to do with it.

The akuma rushed to her with a sound that could be a laugh or shriek.

Lau Jimin ran to stand before Klaud, standing in his hinder legs…

The akuma let out a scream.

At first, Klaud didn't understand what was going on. The creature moved the hands against the eyes and shook itself… Then she saw. There was something back in his eyes, like a mist and he was agitating in the air in attempts to get rid of something that was in his back.

" _I didn't expect this…"_ The thought came out of control, as she had no time for hesitation or disbelief, as there was no way of fooling yourself upon seeing the cape, whose whiteness was so different than the akuma's.

It was Allen Walker.

The boy stabbed his sword in the middle of the Akuma's back, who cried out and tumbled in the air, agitating the wings to throw Walker off. He jumped, the cape helping him in the air so he didn't had a bad fall, landing near Lau Jimin.

The Akuma growled and attacked blindly. More black things threw itself against his back as dark jewels, holding his wings.

"Walker!" Klaud screamed, trying to control the surprised. What on Earth was he doing here?

He turned to her with a smile, something still fragile.

"Good afternoon, General Nine". And he turned back to the akuma, attacking it and joined by Lau. Through him, Klaud managed to understand the thing in the akuma's back looked like solid oil and the thing in the eyes was the darkest mist she had ever seen, more like…

That was it. It wasn't mist, it was shadow. Suddenly, she noticed another person a bit ahead who kept staring at the akuma, the black things moving around her as serpents.

Allen pressed the Akuma's throat as he attacked with the sword. The monkey joined him, turning and holding the half-caught wings. The akuma started to fall, but threw them away, also expulsing the shadows.

Allen stood in front of Klaud and the other person, who was a girl of long hair, approached quickly and wasted just a glance to the General. The boy had a cut in his arm and seemed to have hurt a leg, and while the girl hadn't come closer of the akuma, she had a cut in her face and her arm was shivering. Klaud wondered if she was connected to the shadows like he was to Lau.

The akuma backed away and studied the new opponents.

 _It smiled._

"Ah! Ah! It's you!" It exclaimed in excitement. Kladud even thought it was going to clap. "Allen Walker and Raziah! How _luck!"_ Renewed by the excitement, it attacked, hands full of Dark Matter.

The boy lifted his sword. The girl had shadows slithering around, Lau and Klaud flexed their muscles…

The Dark Matter came for them. Walker called upon Crown Edge, a white symbol shining from his sword before going against the akuma and a black wall rose in front of them. Her arms shivered when the Akuma's attack hit her barrier, that faded as broken crystal.

" _Why isn't she using other ways of attack?"_ The blonder wondered, sparing a second to look at the girl. If she could control things like that, then she shouldn't be limited to just hold the creature or making shields…

The akuma's laugh called her attention. It didn't sound like before. It was still lacking in sanity, but it wasn't out of mockery anymore…

"Didn't expect to find the two Noah!" It clapped. "The Earl wants you! He will be so happy!".

Klaud felt her blood stopping as time ceased its existence.

 _Two_ Noah?

Her gaze went from Allen Walker to the girl and back to the akuma. Calling Walker a Noah she could understand, but… There was no sense in this. If that girl was a true Noah, then why was she fighting _against_ an a akuma?

Allen avoided to look at the General, noticing the corner of Raz's eye shivering, the only reaction perceivable in the ice of her face. Still, the worry for the consequences of what the General had just found out was the last thing in his mind.

"What he wants or doesn't want is of no matter" Raz hissed with a hellish coldness and more bravery than what she actually felt.

"And if he _wants_ us" Allen completed, lifting his head and pointing the sword to the opponent, screaming. "Let him come in person!".

Something gleamed in the Akuma's eyes who, gritted his teeth with a sound of nails against blackboard.

"The Earl wants you alive…" It darted in their direction, voice the shriek of a harpy. "No matter what!".

Allen held his sword, but Lau stood at his side and Klaud approached.

"Walker, get ready to jump over him" She told him. The boy nodded, not needing to look at her. Klaud turned to the girl. "Noah, can you blind him again?".

"Yes" It was a hissed answer.

Klaud had no idea of how she felt about all this, but there was no time to care. There was no paying attention in anything else that wasn't the enemy's destruction.

When the akuma approached, the General moved her whip. Walker jumped, using his cape's straps to wrap the creature's neck and grab his back, once more piercing it with his sword. The akuma let out a cry of rage and pain. The girl avoided a blow and waves as if casting something against him. A gush of shadows the red eyes, holding the head. Fast as it was, Walker's attack and he sudden blindness, the akuma had no time to change directions.

Lau punched the face, tail wrapping its ankles to stop the creature of getting away. The girl gestured and Klaud felt the shadows slipping between the monkey's tail to hold the ankles as well. The creature that looked like made of human bones struggled.

Klaud felt its strength. The claws against skin.

Lau grabbed its waist with the hinder legs and hit the skull with the paws, pressing to crush it.

Allen's fingers were iron as he fought for balance and to stab deeper. The akuma's struggled hit him. He didn't let go. Neither did the monkey and the shadows fought to hold the akuma.

There was an explosion of dark matter.

Allen jumped, the white cape around him in shield, but the pressure hit his bones as invisible hands. Lau let go along with Klaud. Raz did the same, more out of instinct since the Dark Matter didn't harm her, even if her bones ached.

The akuma stood, growling and gritting teeth.

Still alive.

It had been fighting Klaud for a while and suddenly apparition of Allen and Raz had, indeed, caught it by surprise. Taking note of what it had said, Allen was aware it wouldn't dare to kill them.

Like it had said, it would take them no matter what.

Lau stood to attack again. He managed to hold the head, claws pressing the same points of before and to crack it. The akuma grabbed his throat in reply and Klaud at once couldn't feel air. The bones of her neck screamed in protest.

Then, air again.

Walker hit the akuma's waist, the Noah's shadows holding its wrist and pulling them up. Walker then proceeded to attack the same point in its back that was already weakened by the previous stabs.

The akuma turned, his claws closing around him.

Through Lau, the General held it to try biting the neck, but the akuma avoided it with a demented smile.

Shadows again. They held its throat, pulling in back. When the akuma released Walker in an attempt to get whatever was doing this, oily straps held the wrists and twisted its arms back in a movement that would have dislocated a human's arms, pulling as if set in ripping them apart.

Lau took the chance to hold the Akuma down.

With a growl that could be a eardrum-piercing scream, the Akuma struggled in rage and its hand went against the Noah, who couldn't move in time and rolled in the grass leaving blood drops.

It went to her, feet on her chest, pressing as if to cut her breath.

The monkey went for it, claws in the very spot between the wings, breaking the armor that it was its skin. Walker was on his feet again and aimed the side of its face, throwing the sword and hitting the cracks previously made by Lau and Klaud.

The explosion's impact threw them all to the ground, a wave of heat that gave the sensation of standing near a door to Hell before the Akuma finally died.

Klaud felt her legs shivering inside the skin and her bones hurt. Yet, she refused to give in to it. Deactivating her Innocence, Lau was back to his regular size and when Klaud approached, the monkey let out an " _eep_ " and tried run to her, although it was too tired.

With gentle hands, Klaud leaned down and picked the small white animal, holding it in her arms. Lau nestled there, resting. Now that the fight was over, it felt as if their wounds hurt a lot more since there was nothing to take their attention off it. Her shoulder was pure agony and she would have several bruised in her abdomen later, not to mention a deep cut in her arm.

Still, her face remained calm and didn't denounce anything when she took steps towards Allen Walker and the Noah girl. The boy was on his knees, still holding his sword as the other was sitting, both catching their breaths and shiver-like spasms running over them.

Both had blood on their clothes.

" _What_ are _they doing together?"_ Her mind ran fast through her own reflections, especially regarding after the rumors about Walker being renewed by Chaozii's report.

Her mind flashed back to when they had faced a Level Four Akuma for the first time. Casting the memory aside, she studied them… Both had cheap clothes. The Noah had a jet-black hair and Klaud saw a small chain with pendants in her ankle. Walker looked thinner, his hair was longer.

The blonde stepped closer.

At once, darkness took her eyes.

Surprised, she raised her hand and touched her eyes. In her other arm, Lau Jimin squealed and even without the Innocence activated, the woman knew he also had shadows in his eyes.

Although there was no pain, the way her nerves twisted told her that _there could be…_ That this was…

"We're very sorry for this, General!" Walker's voice came from some point, fading as he probably took off. Klaud couldn't say anything, but a little after it, her vision was back.

A needle of coldness ran inside her spine and her fingers touched her eyes, as if needing to be sure the shadows were gone.

Walker and a Noah…

" _Very well"_ She thought, lowering her arm and holding Lau closer.

That had been really confusing… But also interesting.

 **XxX**

"Yo, Allen, Raz!" Lauren lifted her hand upon seeing them entering a small restaurant, smiling when they took a seat. "How was the trip?" She asked, her eyes going over them and stopping in their tired faces and how they seemed to have tried to hide some stains in the clothes.

"We just ordered lunch, get something too" Elana suggested after greeting them. "You guys okay?".

Allen felt his stomach emptying of every sensation. It was better if he told them at once what had happened and how they had to leave. Klaud could have told the Order already by using a golem…

And his mind, taunting itself, whispered about the whispers he had tried to ignore when everyone learnt that he was the host of a Noah. When Levelier had ordered him to be put in the dungeons…

Why it still hurt? Even after months?

He swallowed hard and forced himself to say.

"Actually… I think we should eat fast and catch any train we can".

Even if he had said all this quickly, they all managed to understand the words and the atmosphere changed at once. It was one of the occasions in which Allen would have liked to not look at anyone as he felt the air grow thicker with tension.

"What happened? Did we saw someone at the street or on your way here?" Alison asked, frowning worried. Allen looked at Raz's direction for help, but she assumed an air of innocence.

"You explain it". The reply was simple, leaving the message clear: He had decided to help the General, then let him tell the others about it and the possible consequences.

Allen took a deep breath, hoping they wouldn't be angry at least… Honestly, now that he had seen Klaud Nine, even if they hadn't been close enough to even be called friends… He wasn't all used to the idea of how he was running away all the time and the Order probably wanted him dead now.

Such was the effect of seeing a known face.

It wasn't like running away from people he knew were from the Order and yet had never seen before and could only recognize due to the clothes.

His eyes passed by the Exiled who were waiting for the explanations. Samuel and Elana looked worried, Alison curious. Lauren was keeping her control, but her eyes were clear. Allen wondered, not for the first time, which their reasons for leaving the Order had been, and if they were used to running away from people they had know or if they still felt like him.

With a sigh, he told about how he had felt an akuma and found Klaud Nine with a Level Four Akuma and how he and Raz had fought it and been seen.

During all the time, even when the food arrived, no one said anything even if it wasn't a long story.

"You _moron"_ Alison muttered, shaking her head and green eye fixated in the boy without blinking. There was no actual anger in her gaze, it sounded more like confirming a fact, even if she wasn't at all pleased.

"Allen… That was really _insane"_ Elana commented, resting her hands in her lap. Like the others, in the end she wasn't surprised by his choice of actions and the way she spoke was almost maternal. The white haired boy just shrugged.

Although he felt bad they had to hurry and leave due to what he had done, he didn't regret it. It hadn't been sensate, but this didn't imply it had been something wrong either.

"I told you, it was an Akuma Level Four" He repeated as they stood to pay and leave. Allen and Raz had just picked some small bites of their food and by the others insistence so they wouldn't have to wait until getting in the train to eat anything at all.

"But Klaud Nine is a General, Allen" Samuel remembered, not sounding condescending, and it was more as if he spoke to himself. "She is a very strong woman, I think she would have been able to deal with it by herself" He wasn't her friend, but he did remember some times when they walked by her and Cross would always say some flirtatious thing.

Needless to say, Klaud would tell him to drop dead and go to Hell.

"You guys never saw a Level Four fighting. When they invaded the Order…" He slowly stopped talking, recalling them of what he had told when they met regarding the war. It had taken a lot to get rid of that and even if Klaud would have been able to deal it alone, it didn't make it right to just leave.

He would have liked to ask the man (and the others too) if they knew Klaud back from their days at the Order, but the situation was not propitious to this now and he buried the idea. It wasn't he didn't know Klaud Nine was strong, of course. It was just his nature.

The memory of when the Akuma in the Order had evolved, his first time seeing such a soul, hurt his genes as if a burning iron wanting to leave marks. There were no words in any human language to describe what that was.

"Even so" He shrugged following the group through the small inn they were in. "I couldn't.". He was just thankful that no one here was mad at him. There was reprimand and worry, but not anger…

"You're crazy. You're definitely crazy". Lauren turned to Raz as she picked some clothes and threw them in her bag in anyway. "Raz, I think it's better for you to watch out. You're going to end up crazy like him".

"Speaking of…" The dark eyes of Samuel landed in the girl lightly, but there was enough firmness for Raz and Allen feel their organs turning into stone. Due to his height, it was almost as being looked by a parent. "Have you fought as well, Raz?".

There was no lying, even more because her appearance wasn't of someone who had been hidden. And it surely seemed weird as the first time they had met, Raz's behavior had been of someone who had no way of getting involved in a battle, even when cornered by a Noah.

"It's just that…" She tried to think about some lie, wanting to keep her eyes in his, but for some reason the girl found out she was unable to do so and it was easier to look at the floor. At her side, Allen grew tense as the others noticed there was something there.

What would they say once they learned what she was?

What would they say once they learned Allen was a host?

They weren't with the Order, but they were still Innocence Accomodators. They were still against the Akuma. And Noah.

" _How will they look at us?"_ The thought came to Raz without control and she felt strange. Heavy. Wanting to disappear. Almost as if she was shy of something…

Allen could only think about how some people who would greet him in the hallways of the Order had started to look at him as if he was rotting before their eyes day after day. Others as if he was a dangerous snake.

His friends had remained with him, of course, but those looks were still real…

"Raz?" Alison asked as they continued in silence.

The girl and Allen exchanged looks. None of them was sure of the best decision… And they hadn't time, they had to leave.

" _They will probably scream."_ That if they didn't attack at the moment they learnt it. " _They will remember how the Akumas and Tyki Mikk attacked…"_ And her eyes burned with the image of Samual taking stitches in his chest and how it had probably left a scar, Lauren hurt, Alison fighting…

But the alternative of a lie…

" _Don't they deserve the truth?"._

At least, not bearing it anymore, Raz took a quiet breath and, with a light concentration, allowed the truth to come.

Her skin darkened slowly until reaching the ash color that was natural of Noah. Black stigmas crossed her forehead as old scars opening. The grey blue of her eyes was carried away, leaving in its place an animal-like golden.

Someone let out a breath of shock.

"Oh, my god…" Other muttered.

"You gotta be kidding…".

Raz found out she didn't want to look at anyone. It was so easier to look at the ground, but she felt their gazes…

Allen looked at the others keeping his attention. He liked them, but if any of them made a hostile move, they would have to defend themselves.

Still looking down, Raz thought about how Allen had told her the terrible things the Noah did. Someone approached her and she looked up to Alison standing closer in front of her, face not letting anything out.

Raz almost wished the other would… Scream, hit her, do something instead of just looking at her. Lauren approached her side as well, slow steps and head tilted to the side. Samuel and Elana exchanged looks before their gazes went back to her.

Allen kept his head high, controlling himself as he stood at the Noah's side seeing how the two girls seemed to be studying her, Alison hiding her feelings. He thought he caught a glimpse of something strange in Elana's eyes before it was gone.

His throat got dry when he imagined how they would look at him once he told everything. And his mind placed those eyes in the hallways of the Order in their faces.

"I did think you were hiding something." Elana told once she caught Allen looking at her. Her coat was still in her hands and the woman seemed to have forgotten she was holding it at all.

Even Allen couldn't help observing Raz with the corner of his eyes. It was hard, considering it was practically the first time, since her waking, that she assumed her true shape (at least as far as he knew).

How could someone look so human… And yet be anything but?

Samuel looked from here to Allen as Lauren took another step, looking at Raz's golden eyes.

Allen knew this was not something you could just say "doesn't matter" or just accept and then avoid the subject. With another breath, he said.

"I'm the host of a Noah".

This attracted the other's attention. Lauren was unable to hide her surprise. Allen hurried up, picking a blouse, suddenly needing to do move, to do _something_ and picked a blouse he had been putting away some seconds ago as he helped Lauren to pack.

Raz stood still, also attentive to the others reactions and didn't say anything. Lauren looked at her once more, biting her lower lip a little and lifting her hand in hesitation… As Raz showed no reaction, she brushed the strands of her hair out of her forehead, touching the stigmas, as one would carefully touch someone's wound.

Letting go, Lauren then held her hand and looked at Raz once more, not receiving any protest, which she took as a kind of permission. Slowly, she raised the grey hand in hers, seeing the skin and the black nails with a natural curiosity…

It was the first time she saw a Noah this close and even more without the risk of being attacked or having something awful done to her (Allen had told them of the Noah abilities and the very idea of having her heart ripped out of her chest like Tyki could do was enough to make her own heart beat faster as if to remember the body it was still alive).

"But… But you're an _Accommodator_! How…" Elana was at loss, speaking in what could be indignation, but sounded more like shock. To hear an Exorcist (even more one of Parasitic Innocence) had a Noah in him was like hearing someone had managed to mix water and oil.

"It's a long story".

It seemed the blonde woman was going to protest, but seeing that they should really hurry up, she started to fold her coat once more. The boy was thinking about how at least start telling everything when he saw Lauren holding Raz's hands, touching one of her nails. Raz just looked at the other girl without any expression.

"They… They are really black" Lauren muttered as if not aware the thought was escaping her. It was natural, not something done with polish or anything of the sort… It was also different knowing and seeing from afar and being close like this. Black, smooth, it looked more like a claw.

Deep in the girl, her blood seemed to know this being was not at all human and prevented her to fool herself into thinking as such. Like an animal's instinct recognizes other that just looks the same specie but isn't.

Golden eyes. Black stigmas. Black nails. Grey skin. Small details and yet…

"Lauren, give her _a break!"._ Alison growled with a roll of her eyes. As if realizing now what she had been doing and how childish it could be seen, the other released the Noah's hand.

"I'm sorry, sorry for this… It's just… I mean…" Her mocha skin darkened with a blush. She hadn't meant to invade her space or make Raz feel like a zoo animal, but there was a kind of fascination in being able to approach someone of the Clan responsible for the akumas and who could do all those things…

It was… It was somewhat like being able to pet a panther or tiger, aware it wouldn't attack you (and not due to being drugged).

"There is no problem" Raz muttered, not really bothered that Lauren had examined her like that. There hadn't been anything besides some curiosity after the initial fright and somehow, Raz felt a little better… Even if she had no idea of how to act or what to say now.

Picking a backpack that looked ages old and patched up, Alison still asked in a controlled tone. Her thought was holding to the days they had spent together and how Raz had never showed anything even remotely alike hostility… And Allen had fought at their side and helped them. A part of her whispered it could be a long term staging, but she tried to send the idea away as well as hostile emotions that, truth to be told, were more towards someone else than Allen or Raz.

"Do you mind if I ask why you aren't with the Clan?".

Raz and Allen didn't need to look at each other: Both felt their stomachs turning.

"Like Allen said… It is a long story".

As they helped the others to get ready and took their way to a train station, the story was told, about the Fourteenth, Apocryphos, Allen's escape and Raz's lack of memories.

 **XxX**

Allen knew it could take a long time until he tracked the old circus down (as necessary as it was, just the idea made him want to puke) and as such, he and Raz had decided to stay with the group for some days until they reached a far away town he remembered being one of the places the old circus used to have a good audience, in another country. This time could also be used to gather more money, as it would be a long trip.

Decided to get away from where they were as fast as they could and go as farther away as possible, they had taken a train until the final destination and there they had took yet another train. The expense had been something they weren't prepared for, since usually they stayed in a town to get the money of the passages back.

As such, their day had been spent practically all inside a cabin and some hours in a station, but it hadn't been unpleasant. Time went by fast as they talked and explained what had happened, even talking about the Order and of when they had been Exorcists. Once the night fall and starts start to look down to Earth, lights of town were left behind as the train they were in cut through dark fields.

Sharing a cabin, Raz and Alison were sitting by the window and looking outside. Lauren was sitting at the Noah's side and her head rested back and she had fallen asleep. Allen and Elana played cards, though the girl could see she would lose easily and Samuel was watching, relaxing in his spot, his strong arms crossed and looking like he would fall asleep soon too.

"But now I can understand." Alison whispered. "What that Noah said, when we first met, about you two. How you had no place but with them…".

Raz just acquiesced. During all the day, they hadn't talked much of what she was, but not out of repugnance for the subject and more that they had accepted it after understanding her situation and Allen's. It was something that would take time to all of them to get used to, but there no secrets anymore.

Alison, as well as the others, after the whole story, had kept in silence for quiet some minutes.

"Well, it was sensate".

Both had looked to Samuel with surprised.

"Say what?".

"Come again?".

"It was sensate that you didn't tell us" The man continued in his deep rumble of voice. "You had no reason to trust us, I know".

"But…" Raz started, even if she actually had no words anymore. Alison still stared at her and evaluated the girl before shrugging, trying to relax even if her muscles were still tense.

"Well… Anyway… It doesn't change much." She was telling this to them as well as to herself. Samuel was right, they hadn't had reasons to just go and tell everything when they had just met… A part of her wanted to get away from Raz and even Allen. On another hand, she hadn't forgotten their days together.

As if hearing her thoughts, Samuel continued, looking at Raz who looked human once more.

"Do you want to kill us?".

"No!" Her reply had been almost with despair. The man's question had reached also the memory of when she had seen Allen's Innocence for the first time and wanted to rip his arm to shreds with her bare hands and in such way that it was almost as if she was reliving it again.

Elana took a deep breath.

"I believe you. If you wanted to hurt us, you could have done it already. You had the chances…" She tried to stop her mind from superimpose Tyki Mikk's cruel smile in Raz' face. She turned to Allen. "And you left the Order. And you're trying to fight this… Neah". She had almost said "Noah", but with her tone getting colder in the start of the word, she had corrected herself in the last instance.

"You refused." Alison muttered as if remembering and bringing Raz back to the present of now. "That man. You didn't go with him".

"I want to remember what I forgot" The other muttered sincerely. "But I don't want to go to the Clan." She didn't need to elaborate more than this. Alison nodded, her green eyes traveling through the sky and the silver dots that were stars.

It was quite strange. They had spoken of their days in the Order and she had to admit there were different sensations of back then and now.

But the Order always taught them how Noah were monsters, killers who deserved no mercy (since they didn't have any for starters), however… Once out of the Order, free from the mindset they placed you in, you started seeing things without being so guided by their rules. If she had been in the Order now, she would probably _never_ have believed they meant no harm… Well, except for Allen as this wasn't his fault.

"You know… Even if you don't get to remember everything… It doesn't mean you truly lost yourself.".

"What do you mean?".

"I mean that you're a good person". Perhaps she hadn't been good to humans before, but had been to her Clan. And now, she and Allen were part of _their_ group. Alison wasn't truly sure of how to say what she felt clearly (Lauren would have done it better). It was confusing.

Experiences helped to shape someone, but even if Raz didn't recover her memories, she hadn't lost _herself_ completely. And if she had been totally different before, anyway, Alison liked the Noah she knew now.

And like Samuel had said, if they meant any harm, they could have done it already. Plus, Alison knew the Noah Clan didn't consider them a threat, their focus was the Order anyway.

Thinking well, perhaps it wasn't different from them, who had been Exorcists and didn't want to go back to the Order…? The thought led her to say.

"And just because you're from the Clan, it doesn't mean anything. I was… Exorcist. I know it isn't the same, but…" No, it wasn't, since that just meant someone who could use Innocence while Noah was more of a species, but without Alison knowing, Raz was feeling lighter after hearing this. "You don't have to go with them if you don't want to. Like we didn't have to stay in the Order. We just had to find a way of… Getting out".

Her tone was almost of joking, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"You faked your own death" Raz muttered carefully, leaning to the girl who nodded. They had spoken of that during the day as well… Of their reasons.

"It was a bit complicated… I took advantage of a mission I was in. You know the golens?" And indicated Timcampy with her head. The little golden creature flew around the cabin, either looking at Elana's cards or Allen's or circling their heads. It was amusing, for the woman threw him a dark look and tried to hide her cards all the time the golem did so as if the thing could tell his owner. "We always had to have one with us to not lose communication".

"Allen told me".

"Since they also have records and memory, when an akuma attacked me, I destroyed. So, when the Order tried to recover the images of the fight, it would all end in an explosion. They wouldn't be able to actually know it had been me and I left evidences. My coat, torn apart and bloodied." This part had been somewhat easier in comparison, since she _had_ let the akuma hurt her enough so the others would see it in the records.

Since she knew she couldn't go back to the hotel she had been using (since the Order would investigate and then would learn she had passed there afterwards), she had hidden a small bag with extra clothes.

Alison had been planning her escape for a while.

The grey-haired girl looked through the window, muttering more to herself than Raz.

"Someone helped me…".

A second of silence.

"General Yeegar?" The other guessed, receiving a look of surprise from Alison, who then confirmed.

"Yes… Yes, it was him". She shook her head to herself. "At first, it was really bad, I didn't know anymore where to go and was always looking over my shoulders, thinking someone of the Order would find me and drag me back. It took a time. Then later, I eventually met Samuel and the others. Things got better then".

No need to think about the reason. Everything was more hurtful when you were alone and Alison had been more than alone.

After that long day, Raz and Allen knew what had happened to them.

" _Irene… That must have been terrible to Alison"._

The Order had been a home for all of them. There was no way it could have been easy to leave it after spending years there… A bit awkwardly, as someone who isn't sure if she is doing something rightly, Raz held her hand in a friendly gesture.

Alison blinked to the other's touch, but didn't reject it. Both looked to the sky again and the fields. Alison was about to say something when a protest from Elana interrupted.

"Allen, you are _cheating!"._

The boy assumed an innocent expression, eyes almost those of a puppy.

"Elana! How can you accuse me of this?" He seemed hurt, however the " _even more since you have no evidence"_ floated among them. Alison and Raz just glanced at each other before they held a giggle.

"Hey, you knew he was going to cheat, but still accepted to play…".

Allen smiled to Alison's comment and lifted his head with pride.

"I _never_ lose in cards".

The woman looked to him as if seeing the boy under a wholly new light and recoiled, shaking her head.

"You're evil, boy…" And she wondered how exactly the years he had spent with Cross had been to make him turn into such a different person when a game of cards was involved.

 **XxX**

During all her way back to the Order and even now walking in the hallway after a quick stop in the hospital wing (she felt the gauzes in her shoulder and Lau also had received care) and going towards a known room, the woman couldn't stop evaluating what she had seen in the fight against the akuma.

There was no doubt the girl with Walker was a Noah. The akuma had had no reason to lie about it and it had looked quite anxious to take them to the Earl.

Though, by their reactions, it didn't seem a shared felling.

" _Well, what surprise…"_ She thought with irony. For what she had gathered after coming back to the Order after the attack that had resulted in Alma Karma waking up and Allen Walker being put under arrest, during the event the Earl had provoked Walker with the offer of stopping that attack if Walker joined the Clan.

" _So Walker remains free until now. Yet, he is traveling with a Noah. What is going on, here?"_ Her mind rushed to the Noah the Order had knowledge of, but she already knew it wasn't any they knew. There was the Earl himself, of course, that child Road, the shapeshifter Lulubell who had fought her unit, Tyki Mikk, those strange Twins, a Noah with a sword who barely talked… The Noah of Wrath had been killed by Yuu Kanda… And in the attack, there had been two other Noah, too, one who could control people's bodies and another who had mental abilities.

Speaking of which, the girl's abilities (the akuma had called her what again? Raziah?) was shadow-related. Klaud suddenly almost lifted her hand to her eyes.

It had been one of the weirdest sensations. Her fingers had crossed the shadows, but were still able to feel them as a kind of oily in a mist state and no matter how she tried, she hadn't been able to open her eyes. If they hadn't faded soon, Klaud would probably end up activating her Innocence again.

And as if that hadn't been weird, there was how the Noah had fought at Walker's side.

And that they had joined _her_ to fight an akuma.

It wasn't as if Klaud rejected hope and considered herself above such, but it was strange to know she would have thanked someone she hadn't thought she would see again (let alone by chance and if so, probably it would still take months and months) and then someone who was a member of _the Noah Clan._

It was like seen a lamb suddenly hunting a wolf.

" _What have you been doing lately, Allen Walker?"_ The woman wondered as she caressed Lau Jimin sitting in her shoulder, his tail passing by the back of her neck to rest in the other shoulder. " _What are you_ planning _?"._

The woman pushed the thoughts away when entering a large room, stopping near a known table. Sitting there were the other Generals who weren't in mission, the chiefs of departments and supervisors among others.

And, of course, Levelier.

"Hello, Klaud Nine. Welcome back." Tiedoll greeted her. The woman replied with a nod, taking a breath before starting her report of her last mission.

* * *

 **Ana: Took sometime with that one (thanks college). So, finally, Allen and Raz told everything to the others.  
**

 **Allen: I... I was a bit surprised at their reactions...**

 **Ana: Well, they are out of the Order for a long time, this influences things. Not to mention that they did spend weeks with you guys.**

 **Elana: It may take a while for us to get used to everything, but we'll get there in time...**

 **Ana: And wow! 45 followers? You guys are amazing, thanks a lot!**

 **Kanda: I'm surprised people bother to read this.**

 **Ana: You're upset because you haven't appeared yet (don't worry, it will be quite soon). And someone already asked about the pairings, thanks to Lenalee and Road fighting.**

 **Road: Hey, you said that this isn't an Allen/OC, meaning he is mine. I even already kissed him! And I started liking him right at the beginning, so I have the dibs.**

 **Lenalee: As if! You can ask him if he liked this "kiss" that you FORCED on him, you know!**

 **Allen: Uh... No offense, but... It is a bit disturbing to be the subject of this conversation, could you not make me an activate participant of it?**

 **Ana: I just said it wasn't Allen/Oc, never said one of _you_ would be the one to be him...**

 **Road: What did you say?**

 **Ana: Nothing, nothing!**

 **Allen: What am I around here? A piece of meat to be disputed?**

 **Ana: Nah, of course not, but it is fun to watch!**

 **Allen: You're a demon. You know that, right?**

 **Tyki: So what, you're going to make a poll about what ships the readers would like to see here?**

 **Allen: Wait, it isn't as if everyone has met each other already.**

 **Ana: So? There are people shipping Jon Snow and Daenerys and they haven't met, so who cares? And I would like to, but it is too early I guess, so instead... PEOPLE! In the manga, who do you think it is the Heart?**

 _ **blarg7865:** I'm glad you're liking it! I'm having a lot of fun with this and to be honest, I'm quite happy with how this is turning out. Regarding the questions, I'll do my best to answer, but I can't give spoilers... _

_Regarding character's death, I can't say... There will be development (it is being kinda slow now, but believe me: Things are going to heat up soon). Well, I can say that there will be people getting hurt (and_ how), _after all this is a war and not a walk in the park, but I can't reveal more. Sorry._

 _I admit this part I didn't pay much attention while planning the events. I'm not good at geography and I'm focusing more in the characters than the places they pass by._

 _That's an idea, who knows?_

 _About the pairings... Honestly, I believe we do have one already with Lenalee, Road and Allen anyway (that when people don't throw Kanda or Tyki in it, but that's another matter)._

 _Well, about this particular love: The only thing is that in the moment, none of them can truly focus in anything such as love, with Allen in the run, Road in that Dream of hers and Lenalee unable to contact Allen at all._ _Road and Lenalee_ do _love Allen, but we have to see how things will develop. There is issues with both cases: Lenalee, like the others, left Allen and this won't change. She has her own personal issues that she needs to face in order to grow up. Road is a Noah and there is the deal with Neah and how deep her feelings may or may not be (would she be willing to fight Neah in order to protect Allen?). Allen himself has to deal with a lot and it is painful to think about the Order and the people there, he is_ now _coming to terms with what happened. So he is trying to focus more on what he has to do than whether his feelings for any of them is deeper than he initially thought._

 _Allen: Meaning, my life is a mess in all senses?_

 _Ana: Pretty much. So, yeah, we'll wait and see what direction those emotions go. Hmm, Lavi and Kanda is kinda cute, to be honest! And now I have the image of Alma and Lavi fighting for Kanda and this is hilarious!_

 _Kanda: I guess you DO want to be skinned alive by my blade, then._

 _Ana: K-Kanda? You wouldn't hurt a little girl, right? Unarmed?_

 _Kanda: First off, you're short, not little. Second, you're too much of a pain for me to care about your gender or whether or not you can fight. And third... Hmm... No, those are actually enough for me._

 ** _jy24:_** _You and a lot of people in the Order. As I said, he gets carried by his grudge and desire to revenge Anita and the others to the point he sees nothing else. And he did say in the manga he wanted to kill Allen..._

 _Alison: I'd like to see him try. Allen can kick his ass._

 _Samuel: He does have more fighting experience._

 _Lauren: Not to mention the whole damn clan of Noah would just rip Chaozii inro pieces. And find a way to keep him alive all the time._

 _Ana: Actually, that's true if you ask me. Even the ones that don't sympathize with Allen, such as Sheryl and Lulubell, would do so out of loyalty for a family member. And... Yeah, they will meet at some point. How and the reactions, you'll have to wait to see._

 _Allen: I'm... I'm going to see them again?_

 _Ana: Of course you will! And... Hm... Okay, I wasn't going to tell, but I'm going to be honest: No. Neah and Raz knew each other, but while I won't go into details now I can say they weren't in love or anything like that. His betrayal had nothing to do with her, too. I made my own reason/history of what happened, but it will take quite a time to get there..._


	16. Act Sixteen – The Storm Inside

" _The wounds that never heal can only be mourned alone"_ – James Frey.

 **Act Sixteen – The Storm Inside**

Johnny Gill never had thought he would find himself in the present situation.

At first, things had been liked planned. The Central had accepted his justification to leave the Order. The ones to realize the lie had been Reever and some other members of the Science Department and while the chief hadn't wanted to accept his leaving, it wasn't really in his power.

It was Johnny's decision. And no one else's.

And they knew why he was actually leaving: He was going to search for Allen.

Finally, unable of not comprehending it since he shared the same feelings, Reever had just nodded and wished him good luck, asking him to find Allen. Johnny noticed that the man probably felt the same, a wish of actually doing something whose result would be more than just keep playing by the Order's rules.

Then things had started to go wrong. When Johnny had been leaving the train, two Agents from the Central had surrounded him and started to explain how it was necessary that he took a medicine to mess his memory enough so the Noah wouldn't use him for info.

Johnny had tried to escape them, only to be captured at once and realize they were special agents Crow.

" _Which means they are keeping a close eyes on us"._

To his shock, however, when he thought there was no way and he would be taken back to the Order for punishment…He had been helped by someone most people in the Order believed they wouldn't see ever again.

Yuu Kanda.

After dealing with the Crows, the samurai had taken his time to explain (in his short-sentences style) that he had gone back to the Order only to get Mugen back. The Innocence that had assumed a kind of strange rusty look, had then evolved to a Crystal type.

Then, he had left once more.

His reasons were actually the same as Johnny's: To find Allen.

When he asked him more about it, Johnny didn't believe much he would get an answer (for several reasons and not just due to his personality), but surprisingly, Kanda had at least mumbled about the attack to the Order and how he had attacked Walker back then.

According to the Earl, it had been the contact with his Innocence that had stirred the Noah genes in Walker. He had had a glimpse of that before during a mission (not that he had ever said anything to anyone about that). And now _this_ wouldn't leave him die in peace.

He had had a hand in those events.

And should Walker be dominated by Neah, Kanda would be the one to kill him.

The fact Allen had said that if he felt like he was being taken over, then he would kill himself, hadn't been forgotten by Johnny.

" _No way. Allen is strong. I'm sure he would never let the Noah win. He has to be alright, he has to"._

However, up until now and after weeks, they hadn't found a single clue to his whereabouts. The only sort of "help" they had were the boy's debts that Johnny had managed to get back in the Headquarters, among his belongings that had been left behind. Allen would probably be doing something, trying to find a way to fight the Fourteenth… In any case, General Cross had acted as if he knew more than he let on of all that, so there was the chance Allen would pass by the places the debts had come from.

" _As if those debts were the General's trail"._

They hadn't found anything until now.

On a side, Johnny thought this could ( _should)_ mean that Allen was still free, not only from the Order but the Noah as well. Otherwise they would have had news of him, somehow.

And on another hand, he and Kanda had no idea of how to find the boy.

And there was also the factor of the debts actually being from Cross Marian, this meant the establishments they had passed by were what were called "red district" (meaning areas dedicated to bars and brothels). And they hadn't done much for Kanda's notorious mood since they had been offered _everything_ but what they truly wanted: Information.

In one of the bars, Kanda had even been mistaken for a girl by a man who had gone to the point of making a pass at him. Or at least tried to, since the samurai hadn't allowed the phrase to be completed, shutting him with a punch. Johnny had been sensate to not mention the incident and be sure he wouldn't ever tell this to anyone.

Now, they had reached and explored a port city, which had turned into a touristic point over the years due to the flux of foreigners and travelers. It was on their way to another city from where some of Cross' bills had come from.

Seeing the (usual) lack of patience from Kanda and the fact he didn't seem to be feeling well, Johnny didn't say a thing directly, but truth was he wasn't that well himself; going through places Cross attended meant they usually had to drink at least something so the bartender would be in a good mood enough to talk to them and let them ask about other customers. It also meant badly slept nights.

Nothing that had affected his decision. Or Kanda's.

"Try to drink this, perhaps you'll feel better!" He suggested, offering a little bottle to his traveler companion. Upon leaving the Order, he had taken several things with him, not only his own belongings (the ones he considered the necessary ones) or Allen's (which, like the notes of debts, had been stolen from the archives' section).

Seeing the label with the words " _Komurin Vitamin",_ Kanda slapped that away with a stare of deep disgust, letting it fall and roll away. Anything that came from that damned Department, especially with the name "Komurin", didn't deserve the smallest piece of trust, no matter what it was.

" _But an_ actual _medicine for this headache would be welcome."_ The young man reflected as he stood from the bench they had been sitting as they discussed what to do next and muttering that perhaps they should search through this town a little more today before leaving, but Johnny was already running after the bottle, making Kanda roll his eyes.

" _It would be better if a thing like that just fell in the damn sewer"._ Or maybe not, in case the thing opened somehow he would bet that it would have a negative effect of sorts, even in a sewer. Considering tall he had seen from the Science Department, that was wouldn't surprise him at all.

Reaching the little bottle, Johnny sighed. In truth, he knew Kanda had his reasons for distrust (even he hadn't forgotten all the messes made by the Supervisor Komui), however even so he didn't want to get rid of the things given by the Science Department, who had wished him luck and trusted he would find Allen and help him as he could.

Johnny wondered still how he could help him, soon telling himself that the "how" didn't matter. Not leaving Allen was what mattered.

"Hey, c'mon, let's go" Kanda called with a growl. Johnny was about to follow him when he noticed a crowd nearby and curious sounds, mixing laughs and something like notes from a flute.

Curiosity for a moment winning against urgency, the young man came closer to see what this was all about, muttering apologies as he opened his way between people forming a half circle in the street…

Then Johnny saw.

It was two pierrots.

" _Well, it's not surprising"_ He thought as one of them found a balance over a ball perfectly, juggling smaller and colorful balls. " _A city like this must be a profitable stop for street performers"._

Meanwhile, the other pierrot jumped around the partner's ball in flowing acrobatics that looked almost as a dance. Their faces were of a pure white scarred by black.

At a moment, the first pierrot held the balls before jumping to the ground with a tumble in the air, both bowing to the audience, that applauded. Pushing away the larger ball and putting the smaller ones in a small bag, the first pierrot (a boy), went back to the center as the second (who Johnny saw to be a girl), picked a small flute.

They were dressed in similar fashion, white suits with black details and shoes. The boy's clothing was more traditional and clown-like, silver reflexes and black collar and buttons. The girl was dressed in something strange, unlike any pierrot costume Johnny had ever seen, a cross of a blouse and long tailed jacket, without collar or buttons and not loose like the boy's…

The girl started to pull long notes from the flute as she started a slow dance, following the melancholic music and accompanied by her partner. They moved like black and white panthers.

Suddenly, the boy started a song in a low tone, almost fragile.

 _Ima mo sora de kagayaku_ – Even now, the memories of dead stars  
 _Shinda hoshi no kioku_ – Are still shining in the sky.  
 _Itsuka ore mo dare ka no_ – Someday I want to become  
 _Hikari ni naritai_ – Someone's light too

With this, he approached a young redheaded girl and made a white flower appear, which he offered her before leaning away with a twirl that would belong in a ballet. The young girl held the gift, not once taking her eyes off the presentation, something Johnny understood well… It was the enchantment of performers, holding gazes and never letting go. A gentler kind of Medusa's stare.

The boy danced slowly to the flute and gestured. The make-up so absolute that the only signal that his mouth moved was the black smile, since Johnny barely could make out his features.

Like a forgotten ghost taking shape.

None of them was exceptional at music, but it was pleasant to hear them. The young girl continued that melody, a slow requiem echoing among forgotten graves, born of tears from the dead as the boy's voice brought the sound of flowers bloomed in abysses, unable to reach the light.

Yet, no one walked away.

The boy turned, the girl gave a light jump behind, one dancing around the other.

 _Nagai tabi wo Tsuzuketekita_ – I have been on such a long journey  
 _Kodoku na kage hikizuri_ – Dragging along a lonely shadow

Johnny frowned. Though possessed by the presentation, song and flowing dance, something in his mind tried to agitate, to break the spell. Somehow… Somehow there was something here that he wasn't sure about, but that created a sensation of sweet sorrow, nostalgic.

There was something here that he was sure he _knew._

The dance went on, slow in movements and small jumps that didn't break the sensation that both moved _with_ and _inside_ the song, movements and notes becoming one. Though it was bright day, Johnny felt as if it was night now…

This was like a lullaby…

In the girl's ankle there was a small silver chain whose bells tinkled at each step. Her hair was a long dark waterfall and the white of her suit and the few black details gave emphasis to the bluish reflection.

The boy crossed his hands over his chest before stretching them away from his body as if in a hopeless plea... Or maybe just acceptance.

 _Tatta hitori umareochite_ – I was born alone in this world  
 _Mata hitori de shindeku_ – And I'll die alone as well  
 _Sore ga sadame –_ If this is my fate  
 _Na no ni_ – Then why  
 _Namida ga neru no wa Naze_? – Am I shedding tears?

He placed his hands over his face, not truly touching and ran them down as if to indicate tears and for a moment, it seemed the black painted tear under his cheek would roll.

There was a brief silence when he crossed his hands over his chest again and lowered his head as the girl let a final note to shiver in the air as the music died. Some people muttered among themselves while others sighed.

In silence, the pierrot boy stood in the middle of the space made by the audience as his colleague put away the flute, making it seem the presentation wasn't over… Then his eyes, for a moment, touched Johnny's.

The way he jumped behind was so fast that it shocked some people, who giggled afterwards as the boy started to jump more before he held the girl's hand. Soon, both moved as a mix of dance and acrobatics, but Johnny's sensation remained, stronger now..

Something pulled his shirt's collar.

"Hey, you have seen enough." Kanda grumbled, trying to pull him away from the presentation and making Johnny wonder vaguely for how long the samurai had been at his side without Johnny realizing it.

"Kanda, wait…" He muttered, struggling to get free. People around either didn't see it or, more probable, didn't care. Kanda rolled his eyes, thinking Johnny just wanted to watch more.

It was nonsense and a waste of time.

So much that Kanda felt that, if he stayed for longer, he would lose control. His mood wasn't good as it was and those pierrots were annoying him.

Actually, one more than the other… Kanda frequently met people with who he didn't sympathized and one of the effects was a growing irritation that made him feel like slicing the idiot in question just so he wouldn't have to put up with the person.

And, of those two, the male caused this reaction in such way that Kanda almost wondered why… It was just a stupid pierrot. He didn't like the girl either, but his attention was more in the other due to being the one that annoyed him the most… And as much as this happened, it wasn't always just by _seeing_ the person… And neither with such intensity.

Perhaps he was missing a fight to relief the stress.

Apparently unaware to his irritation, the boy continued to jump, crossing the air in a somersault with the girl. Kanda wanted to mind his own words and leave but the more he looked, the harder it was to turn and leave and not due to enjoying the presentation…

He just wanted to cut that damn brat.

Maybe it was due to his head still aching due to the drinking of last night? No, it couldn't be so…

" _I really should find a better way of tracking down that stupid Moyashi"_ He thought to himself. To keep going to bars and all that would end up giving him brain damage. Maybe that was why Cross, general or not, was such an _idiot._

" _Ugh, but I want to cut that guy… Even if it is just a little bit…"_ He, this had nothing to do with hangover. The most reasonable was that his mood had reached such a level that it needed an escape valve and, in the absence of akumas, his instinct had focused in any little target that caused any sort of disturbance, just like a repetitive noise or the sensation of sandpaper against nerves.

The motives didn't matter, he just wanted to slice that stupid pierrot!

"Kanda?" Johnny asked carefully, recognizing that expression in the Japanese's eyes. Usually it wasn't a good presage. As if waking of a trance, the young man mumbled with something that could be either impatience or anger and, with an almost violent movement, he turned his back to the presentation.

Johnny started to follow him.

Screams behind them attracted their attention.

Turning, they had time to see black circles forming in the ground as straps of flesh adorned with rows of teeth rose, closing over the pierrots and a child who was too close and hadn't backed away in time.

The thing still lifted itself in the air, a mass whose skin seemed loose from the muscles, closing the straps that formed its mouth one against the other. People screamed before the vision of a lunatic's nightmare taking physical shape.

Kanda already had Mugen ready, Johnny retreated aware he wouldn't be able to help and hating himself for it…

Then the straps shivered, rubbing against each other in obscene movements and they saw it seemed to be bloating from inside out…

Threads of something black escaped between them before they opened, some straps leaning down from the thing that didn't seem to have an actual head.

For a moment, among a dark mist, something stained by the red of the akuma's oil moved, creating the illusion of living blood. A silver mask reflected the sun and the oil dripped, revealing a soft material of the most striking white.

A red scar crossed the white cover, an eye turned into red.

There was no mistake.

Allen Walker.

"ALLEN!" Johnny cried out in happiness, forgetting the akuma destroyed, just relieved that his friend was indeed alive and free. No wonder something had seemed familiar here that he couldn't realize at once: He knew Allen's voice, but never had heard him singing.

Allen had in one of his arms the child and in the other, he helped the pierrot girl. The white cape of Crown Clown involved them as they landed, Allen letting go of the child with a woman who cried of horror and gratitude at the same time. The girl remained at Allen's side.

Approaching quickly, Johnny still could hear Allen saying as he cleaned the child's tears.

"We've showed such a scary show now…" He muttered quietly, looking from the child to the mother who was still thanking them, too caught up her own feelings to mind the ghost-like cape and the silver mask that had appeared out of nowhere. "We're so sorry… Please, be careful on your way home…".

Before Allen could stand and go away, he felt arms wrapping his neck in a hug of despair as Johnny started babbling as he shivered. The boy internally shivered, as he had been relieved to see him and Kanda leaving right before that damn akuma attacked.

What would he do now?

"Allen! Allen! I've searched for you… Everywhere!" The member of the Science Department went on. "We were all so worried… Me and Lenalee… And everyone else, too, we were…".

Allen avoided the other's eyes, casting a glance of warning to Raz and realizing that… He didn't want to hear those things, he _didn't want to!_ Fighting to not shiver, he took Johnny's arms off him and stood, not saying a word.

For an instance, Johnny didn't know what to say… That wasn't the reaction he had expected or hoped for. Had… Had he said something wrong?

Then Allen took off, the girl right at his side.

Raz didn't need to ask anything, she had been quite confused by the man with glasses hugging Allen out of nowhere, but as soon as the words started to come from him, she had guessed the situation and a wave of coldness had took over her entire being.

Allen groaned when he felt the collar pulling against his throat and a point of pain surging in his back when Kanda took him down, mumbling something about " _understanding the real reason why he had been so pissed off"_ as he took a piece of cloth from Johnny and started to rub it against Allen's face with all his strength.

" _What the hell have you put in your face, Moyashi?"_ He wanted to take off that stupid makeup, try to make sure he was still the stupid brat. The fact he was still able to use Innocence and how his eyes were still gray should be a dead giveaway of the answer, but Kanda wanted to confirm as he could.

Then he felt something thin and cold in his neck.

There was a sword against his throat.

The blade was razor-sharp and of a shiny black, as if made of hematite stone. Threads of black mist came from it and felt like breaths of ice when slithering against his skin before fading in the air, some like spirals and others that moved like snakes.

The girl who had been performing with the Moyashi stood at his side, eyes frozen in fury, hand firm in the sword's handle. Kanda took notice of how there were more threads of mist there, escaping between her fingers.

"Release him".

"And who the hell…?" He started as Johnny approached, raising his hands as if to try calming everyone.

"E-Excuse me, miss…".

"I said. _Release. Him."_ She repeated not even blinking with the whisper of a nightmare.

"Hold on a bit!" Allen said to her as he pulled the cloth away and looked at Kanda with annoyance, face red, but mostly clean of the makeup. "What are you trying to do, peel my skin off _Bakanda?"._

Despite exasperated with the samurai's behavior, Allen couldn't help feeling good upon seeing him once more, knowing he was _alive…_ However, there was that weight in him that didn't go away, holding on his insides like a spider and hurting. No matter what, even if it was Kanda and Johnny, he wouldn't let them take him back!

"I wanted to be sure you hadn't been possessed by the Fourteenth, _Moyashi"_ Kanda growled, ignoring the blade pressing his flesh. The girl's identity didn't even make into his current list of priorities. Johnny tried to approach her, perhaps trying to convince her that they meant no harm, but he was pierced by a look of such intense despise that it edged the very essence of hate.

"Now tell me. That Crow. How did Howard Link die?".

Heart going off rhythm and feeling a moment in which his brain stopped worked and fell into mist, Allen stopped moving.

"I've heard a little of what happened from Lenalee and the others. This is the only thing that I don't get. Who killed him? You or the Noah?".

Howard Link?

 _Dead?_

It was _impossible._ He had been alive when Allen had left, he was sure of this! Link had even helped him and Timcampy to get free of those spells and…

Raz kept her eyes carved in the man of dark hair (Kanda, if she had understood it well, Allen had spoken of him), without paying much attention to what he said and not caring either. Knowing that they were from the Order (though for what Allen had told her, he had thought Kanda to be dead or free from the place) was _enough._ During fights with akumas she couldn't truly attack since she didn't want to destroy the souls.

It was quite different now.

"Link… Is dead?" Allen muttered quietly. He couldn't believe this had happened, even if his subconscious had formed an immediate idea of who had truly done it. His mind had no time to touch it in a conscious way as black pools appeared in the floor as voices echoed around.

" _I feel the Fourteenth!"._

" _The two Noah"._

" _Feel… Feel…"._

Kanda jumped pulling Johnny along to get him away at the same time the blade left his flesh as the girl turned to what was happening. Allen struggled and got o n his feet, jumping to attack the new akumas.

With a twirl in the air, hitting with his sword, Allen was still more focused in what he had just heard. Raz at once casted chains of shadows against the akumas, trying to hold them down so they wouldn't be able to avoid the attacks.

"HOW DID HE DIE? WHAT _HAPPENED?"_ Allen's scream carried anger and agitation, making a smile appear in Johnny's face. It was the confirmation of what he had always known and never doubted: That it hadn't been Allen, that Allen would _never_ do such a thing!

"I knew it hadn't been you! I _KNEW IT!"_ He yelled as he ran in the boy's direction, seeing the akumas being exterminated and raising his voice higher than the blades, metal and cries of akumas. "ALLEN! It was right after you left! Inspector Levelier and the guards found his body!".

Apocryphos.

Allen knew it had to be him. Tyki and Road had no reasons to kill Link and both had been with him all along. They wouldn't have returned there just to kill the man.

A wave of hate dominated him.

Allen landed at Raz's side. Immediately, more portals appeared, one after the other as small lakes full of waves and perfectly round.

Both looked at each other and nodded. Not saying anything else, Allen held Raz and threw strands of his cape against one of the tallest ceilings, taking her along as they jumped to it.

" _MOYASHI!"_ Kanda yelled furious to see them standing in a roof.

"TIM!" Allen called. "Lead us to the most isolated place you can!" There was no use in staying here, more akumas would keep showing up and in a street full of people, it would be harder to keep people from getting hurt.

For a while, he still heard Kanda yelling curses and Johnny calling to him… Unable to hold himself, he turned his face back and looked at them just once. Two people he had thought he wouldn't see again, that they wouldn't ever call him like before…

Yet, that was what they had just had. Treated him as they had always did… Unaware that this just twisted the knife Allen felt.

Because it _wasn't_ like before. And it wouldn't be ever _again,_ he knew it.

His heart felt like bleeding with this.

Biting his lower lip, trying to keep that under control, he ran with Raz across the roofs.

Kanda saw the portals closing and the akumas retreating. He didn't even need to think about it, they were clearly searching that stupid idiot. Behind him, Johnny tried to grab Allen's things, hurrying to follow them.

" _We barely found him and the Moyashi is already giving trouble"._

Running, avoiding the chimneys, jumping between spaces that weren't too much, Allen and Raz tried to get away until they managed to reach an area without many people. It had been days since the akumas seemed to _know_ somehow where they were and appeared frequently. The Exiled had noticed this as well and agreed to take extra care and combining strategic points to meet in town, in case of problems.

Maybe they should go to them and leave once more. No use staying too much in this new town if they already knew their location.

Suddenly, something was felt in their skulls, something felt like it was making way through the brain to touch their minds… It didn't hurt, but it was a weird sensation.

" _You both should have realized it already,_ brats. _The meaning of those akumas after you more frequently than before, hm?"._

Raz looked to Allen, without stopping running along a long roof of something that could be a mansion, school or any other big construction. It wasn't the obvious information in those words, but the strange needle she felt in her brain and the thread that followed it…

This sensation…

"Did you too…?".

"It's that Noah!" Allen growled to her, clearly displeased in leaning they were here too. Things were getting worse. And last time he had met that guy hadn't been a pleasant one either. "With the turban, headaches and who enjoys screwing with others' minds!" He had told her about him when speaking of what had happened in the Order. Somehow, the Noah must have noticed what Allen had said as they heard a sort of exasperated sight.

" _The name is_ Wisely".

" _Oh, so sorry!"_ Allen thought with sarcasm, aware the Noah could hear his thoughts. There was no other explanation for that sensation. " _Last time we saw each other, we were all so_ distracted _that we didn't had time to decent presentations, right?"._

A sensation of chuckle came from another point of his mind that wasn't quite the same "direction" as Wisely felt and Allen saw Raz had amusement in her eyes. And he knew that Wisely, somehow, had connected their minds, perhaps to make the communication easier than talking to each of them separately.

" _That's fine, after all, soon we will have enough time to sit down and talk_ all we want _"_ The reply froze the throats of both of them, who felt the threat intertwined in the purposely gentle tone.

" _Anyway, the akumas feel the aura of Noah coming from you, Walker"_ The voice echoed in their minds once more and both could feel a smile from Wisely. " _You can't keep yourself hidden either, did you know, Raz? You can insist in keeping a human appearance all the time, but this will never_ make _you one of them"_ He added as if sharing a secret.

Both had talked to the Exiled about this and concluded it should be something of this nature as some Akuma had been muttering about "feeling" them, as an insane mantra.

" _Three months ago… That brief sign of the Fourteenth waking, when you came in contact with Apocryphos"_ The Noah of Wisdom carried on and they _knew_ he was smiling when his "voice" lowered until a whisper, words dragging in their brains like larvae. " _Well, all this just shows that it has begun_ once more".

Allen wanted to ignore Wisely, to find a way to cut his voice, but it was impossible to ignore one that could speak inside your mind. Not sure of how much accessed this connection gave to him, he fought to now think about the accesses of nausea he had been having lately… Sometimes, it felt like his organs were boiling inside him and been turned around, but it used to pass with a little concentration.

Raz frequently stood at his side in such times, holding his hand and speaking to him, trying to keep Allen aware of who he was, not risking him falling under Neah's influence.

For a moment, even though he tried to not think about anything, fearing Wisely would see the memory, he still remembered Mother telling him to not lose himself… And how having a Noah and Innocence in him could end up destroying his body.

Maybe Wisely hadn't felt this or, maybe concentrated in the line of communication, didn't pay attention to it. He just carried on.

" _It was like this with the Fourteenth of thirty five years ago as well. You should remember this, Raz."_ Any amusement of before was gone as if it had never existed and there was coldness when the Noah explained further. " _And you_ both _should know it by now. A Noah_ can never _escape from_ another _Noah"._

Raz had no recollection whatsoever of what Wisely said, but it stirred a painful feeling in her all the same as if something in her remembered what her mind did not. Somehow, she and Allen knew Wisely wasn't lying.

None of them had answers to what he said.

" _The absolute terror of not having where to run to, not a single place in the world to hide or escape will enter each pore of your being soon."._

They jumped to another, lower roof, running and taking impulse to jump once more, following Timcampy.

Wisely sighed, making it clear he knew they were trying to ignore him and not just out of taking care to not fall down. When he spoke again he sounded, for a second, almost as if bothered that they were showing such resistance in joining the Clan (and he was).

" _The Earl told you, Walker, you can't stay in the Order anymore and you didn't listen. Tyki also told you how there is no place for any of you in this world but with us and you_ both _ignored it."._

Allen bit the flesh in his mouth, not wanting to think about Johnny or Kanda or the last time he had seen Lenalee and how he had felt when hearing the Order announcing to the whole place how he was no longer an Exorcist and being classified as a Noah.

He didn't want to think about it!

" _For now, we'll leave you alone to lure Apocryphos out. Perhaps he will feel you too, Raz and get curious, so it is all for the better"._

Raz didn't resist. The sensation of someone talking in her mind wasn't exactly nice for starters and that man's words, even if she tried to not care, disturbed her more than she would be comfortable in admitting.

" _So basically, you will be using us as live bait?_ Wow, _don't we feel special!"._

Wisely chuckled to this.

" _Oh, don't worry. We would never let something bad happen to our dear, stubborn and lost_ little siblings." He replied slowly before going back the usual tone that didn't allow refusal or resistance. " _Eventually… You both will understand what I'm talking about. And in the end, you'll cut your Innocence off yourself, Walker…"._

To this, Raz and Allen felt their bones shivering to the false kindness in that voice, it sounded like what a snake should sound when trying to seduce a bird and what Wisely spoke were not conjectures, but promises and facts.

" _You both are_ ours".

There was no response, no strength to deny what he said, not with that voice. Allen still wanted to focus his mind in something that could work as a barrier (like a wall or the sea) and in that precise physical point where he felt Wisely's connection, to push, to sent him away…

His footing failed him and he fell.

"Allen!" Raz jumped to his side.

His body contorted, shaken by inner waves shocking against each other. His arm became deformed as the Innocence assumed a more brute state of feathers.

And his skin slowly became grey.

In another street, a man of dark hair stood, a thin white line of smoke coming from his cigarette as he looked in the direction the two pierrots had disappeared after jumping to a roof. No matter.

Sitting at the base of a statue there was a younger-looking man who sighed, leaning an elbow in his knee and his face on his hand as he smiled.

"They are so stubborn, don't you think so?".

Tyki nodded, a smile of his own tearing his face as he held the cigarette between two fingers and looked to the roof as if he still could see them.

"Very well… Do your best. Show me an interesting white and black in this game.".

 **XxX**

The world faded in waves and came back to existence. He could feel each bone for there was a hell inside each one with no end. There were seconds when he seemed to be turned inside out and expected to see his veins and muscles…

Hiding under a tunnel, just like a dirty secret, Allen held his own body. Raz was at his side and held him as if afraid he was going to be blow away as a leave in autumn. Her voice came from afar and then was close again, trying to stop him from drowning.

"C'mon Allen… You can do it…" She held his hand, face now almost clean of the makeup she had rubbed off, only lines of white near her hair and the jaw. "Fight it. Stay calm, breathe… I'm right here.". Above them, Timcampy bit his owner's hair, pulling the white strands. What he meant with this, Allen didn't know and moved his hand to make him stop but the gesture lost its strength in the middle of the way.

Settling in a corner, Allen panted and shrunk. The shock of heat and coldness, poison and cure was concentrated in a point of his abdomen. His skin was a wave of grey and white.

" _It's okay, it's alright, it's alright"_ Part of his mind that still held some lucidity chanted. " _Relax, it will be okay…"._

Raz held his hand, being a physical point in which he could hold on to. Allen reached his left hand to her, as if meaning to touch her face, but the vision of his own Innocence made him stop.

"Allen?" Raz asked, seeing a gleam that had nothing to do with what was going on and emphasized his feverish looks. His grey eyes had a golden reflex when he moved. And something in her seemed to rejoice against her will, as if her genes felt his change and celebrated the awakening of a new family member…

To know she felt this just as much as she felt the despair of seeing a friend suffering with a disease made her disgusted at herself.

Suddenly, body struggling in seizure, Allen screamed.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'M FIIIIINNNNEEEE!".

Raz held his shoulders to stop him from hurting himself.

"Allen! Please, calm down! Fight it, keep control!".

She didn't know what to do. This access was far more violent than the ones and Allen wasn't giving any indication that he heard her at all, eyes focused in a point ahead and becoming blurred.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine" He went on in a chant, perhaps forgetting where he was and with whom. "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine". He grabbed his left wrist. Innocence worked against Noah, opposite energies could not be in the same space… So, perhaps if he activated his arm, he could keep Neah away? Perhaps he could activate his Sword and use it in himself, of course, made sense, he would stab himself to stop the change, sure, he could…

His mind fell in itself and his body fell aside. A pressure in his shoulder told him the figure ahead was Raz, but her voice couldn't reach him anymore. There was another voice and another figure, if it truly existed in the world or just in his eyes, there was no difference…

Oh, he knew, he knew…

"Neah… Neah…" It was someone calling him or just talking to him?

He wanted to raise his hand, to show the person he was hearing…

" _No,_ NO! _Not me! I'm not Neah, I'm not, I'm not…"._

A tall male, with long hair in a ponytail was looking down, at him… Allen no longer knew more than that, words losing the meaning and knowledge retreating to a deeper corner of his mind where nothing would ever fetch them back.

The man looked at him, tears escaping his eyes as blood from a wound. Such a sorrowful gaze that, among his own agony, Allen felt sorry for him and wanted to do something for this person of such sad eyes…

" _I know those eyes… I… Me? Neah? What…?"._

"Neah…" The man muttered, but Allen's mind didn't process the word. Something in him seemed to say there was something important about this man, but he didn't know what, besides those sad, sad eyes…

Kneeling at his side, the man stretched his hand out as if to touch his face. There was another sound now, but it was too far away to fully hold his attention. He could just look at the man and his tears.

"Don't you hate me?".

The man's hand floated over his face as if afraid of touching and hurting him… Allen didn't know what he was actually saying and didn't remember how to make those sounds of communication, but would have liked to comfort him… Slowly, he felt like falling again even if he didn't move. The sensation of sleep pulling him away…

An impact pushed and pulled him back to the reality. Raz was in front of him, nails digging his shoulder.

"ALLEN! WAKE UP!" She screamed. For almost two minutes, Allen had been with a glassy look and she hadn't known what was worse: His monotonous mantra that didn't stop or that silence. For an instant, she had feared he had been falling into a state of catatonia.

A noise called her attention.

Kanda was near, sword piercing the ground where an akuma's portal had been about to open. Timcampy flew ahead, hitting heads with another golem that didn't look at all like him.

"What do you think you're doing, you bastard?" He mumbled as he stood, the portal fading.

Raz stared at the samurai, not moving away from Allen. At once, shadows in the tunnel came to her hand and turning into a dagger as the rest shivered around her and Allen in warning.

"Allen! Are you alright?" Johnny screamed as he ran to him, stopping upon seeing the girl growling like an animal until Allen, still fighting to breath, held her shoulder.

"Raz… It's alright…" He fought to say upon realizing she had no intention whatsoever of letting Kanda or Johnny near them. She threw him a look of curious disagreement, but looked less prone to attack, though she kept watching the two men with a clear warning: If any of them showed the slightest signal of hostility, she would kill them on the spot.

"Hey." Kanda called to Allen, ignoring Raz completely and seeing how Allen wasn't feeling well. The boy waved his hand, hitting his. Among the pale grey skin, his eyes seemed to oscillate back to the natural color.

"Kanda… I _really_ don't understand you…" He breathed heavily. "I'm _happy_ that you're alive… To see you again… But what about Alma? Weren't you both free?!".

The samurai frowned to this. Not waiting for an answer, Allen carried on, voice raising in a deep scream with intonations that Kanda had no patience to identify separately.

"Still… Why are you with the Order's clothes? ARE YOU CASTING YOUR FREEDOM AWAY LIKE _THAT_?!".

His body was pulled when Kanda grabbed his costume's collar, his dark eyes now burning in a way Allen had only seen back in the Order when Road had been teasing him about how Alma was still alive. It didn't matter at all that Allen was in such state, _anything_ related to Alma was _his_ and he didn't want to speak of it to anyone now.

"Even if it is _you"_ He whispered in a metallic tone. "I swore that I would take it to my grave." There was a second of silence. "You gave it to us, the proof that we are alive and that we _are_ free. Those last moments with Alma are mine and _mine alone"._

Raz didn't understand at all what they were talking about, however the man with glasses let out a sigh and Allen's eyes soon were filled with tears.

"Hey, you…" Kanda looked from Allen to Johnny and let out a cry of exasperation. "And now you're crying _too?"_ With all that was going on, the samurai hadn't expected such reactions, he had just meant to make certain things clear to the Moyashi.

Suddenly, Allen's body lost the firmness, the clothing slipping among Kanda's fingers and he fell, a gray doll with no bones. The girl kneeled and turned him over, relieved to see he was more passed out than going into seizures again and a point of light under the clothing came to their attention.

"That wound, of when I hurt him" The Japanese muttered, surprised with that light.

"Is he hurting? Let me see!" Johnny was kneeling down at Allen's other side as the girl opened the black buttons of the costume. In the exact spot Kanda had once stabbed him, there were long and white things, shining as pieces of the moon, mving against each other as living flowers.

"Those things…" Johnny started, barely believing what he was seeing.

"Innocence" Raz completed in a whisper, surprised with this. Allen had had similar reactions before in his arm, but unlike the first time in that night of months ago, there was no pain in the feathers. As such, they all had concluded they weren't Apocryphos' but Allen's own Innocence. The feathers of now were like those…

But why where he had been stabbed? That wound had closed…

" _It is something related to the change into Noah, but…"._

"Back in the Headquarters in North America…" Johnny reflected, seeing that Allen seemed to have fainted. Raz saw that the feathers, like when they appeared in his arm, moved delicately. They even somehow felt different than Apocryphos'. "When Allen didn't die, even after being stabbed like that, Kanda, it wasn't because the Fourteenth's genes were keeping his body alive…".

And actually, it hadn't been the first time something of this nature happened, right? It wasn't the first time Allen escaped death despite the odds pointing to a completely different ending.

"Do you remember? Even before, when Tyki Mikk destroyed his arm and tried to kill him? His Innocence still stayed around, it protected him until he was healed… The Innocence was keeping him alive" Johnny muttered to himself as if he had forgotten the presence of the girl and Kanda. But that spot… Perhaps because it had became a focal point to the change? They all had seen back then, the gray taking over his skin from that wound.

His mind went back t de Allen in a dungeon, isolated and prohibited of having visitors.

"When Allen was arrested, none of us could see him, not even once".

And by whose orders? Of the responsible for the arrest, of course. And who had been involved? Inspector Levelier.

" _I don't think he didn't know about this… Or he didn't?"_ But considering how he was investigating Allen, it would have been atypical if he hadn't examined him. And perhaps personally, otherwise, the doctors at the Order would have eventually talked about it, right? It wasn't something that you could keep in secret for long. " _But it was, somehow, but why? If they knew that even if the Fourteenth was waking, the Innocence still tried to keep Allen safe…"._

Then perhaps not everyone would have accepted the idea of Allen turning to the Noah's side. Perhaps he wouldn't have even been classified as a Noah, or if he had, people wouldn't have just accepted like they had. But all those conjectures were the eternal "what if" and "maybe" that haunt human lives and in the end, were useless.

"But we… We _definitely_ would have done something…" The man muttered to himself, unable of not thinking about how everything could (even if just "maybe") have been different if the others had had access to this information.

"But you _didn't"_ The girl said coldly, attracting his attention, her eyes knives of ice on him. "No use in think about what you _would have_ done or not, the _fact_ is that you _didn't do anything"._

She tilted her head to the side. There was no smile, but a cruel amusement when she whispered in an undisturbed serenity.

"Or you would just _have done_ something for knowing the Innocence was still at his side? If it wasn't so, would you have left him to Neah?" Which was, basically, what they had done in the end. Johnny's lower lip trembled as he leaned forward, agitated by his own words.

"No! No, we…".

"Then _why?"._

Johnny felt words getting caught in his throat, unable to reply when Kanda poked his head, cutting the eye contact between him and the girl, annoyed with the waste of time.

"Hey! Be what it is, _let's get going!"_ He grumbled, looking from one to another. "Let's go somewhere he can sleep. If you want to carry on your debate, do it elsewhere!".

Raz hesitated. Telling them where they were staying wasn't something she wanted to do, however it would be easier to call the others and tell everything, also keeping an eye in those two in case they tried to call more people from the Order.

"There is the hotel we're staying in" She stood, trying to place Allen's arm over her shoulder as Johnny did the same with his other arm. She didn't say anything else and both men evaluated her for some moments with the corner of their eyes. She was weird… The way she seemed to dominate shadows… It didn't look like an Innocence-related ability.

"And where is it?" Johnny started to question, soon being interrupted by the sight of black circles in the floor, like bubbles of something rotting. It was possible to see eyes blinking in some, in others there were things coming out, like arms with many hands that didn't look like any natural hand or paw.

Kanda didn't look at all impressed or worried.

"Tch. They will keep following the Moyashi, then?" His comment had just a slight irritation for the bothersome fact and stood in front, holding Mugen.

He felt a presence at his side.

Only his eyes turned to the girl. She was shorter than him, perhaps more or less the Moyashi's height and her eyes were on the akumas appearing.

"I can only keep them away or hold them." Her tone was unreadable, but quiet. "You destroy them".

He didn't like at all to hear her speaking to him like that and it wasn't he was going to do anything else, however this was a curious formation for the phrase.

"And why is that?" He asked harshly. The girl took a breath and her eyes slithered to him.

"Because this is something I cannot do. I can't save souls".

Then he and Johnny had a suspicion.

 **XxX**

It was curious how an environment could have a personality. Rooms could indicate if the resident lived alone or with a family, if they had dinner together or not. A bedroom could denounce what the owner liked, if he or she was organized or not…

And small traits remained, as if trails from the occupant had been permeated in air and floor. Even if the layout of a room was identical to hundreds of others, people still had ways of making them "theirs". Rooms in boarding schools were an example, the apartments in buildings too.

The room where Klaud Nine stood was a sterile and lonely space.

All belongings of Allen Walker had been taken away and the room now could have been one dedicated to guests, ready to receive a new occupant and forced back to a place stripped of face or life. Only four walls, a bed and a table…

" _But that was Allen Walker's room"_ He had spent hours here, slept here, dreamt and reflected here. It was curious to know this and being unable to feel a thing about him here, as if his existence had been a dream.

For an instant, Klaud wondered how it had looked like when Walker used it. She had never been close enough to him to know of his personal likings.

" _And now he is traveling with a Noah"._ And as if that wasn't enough, the same Noah had helped to destroy an Akuma. Everything about this went against all she had learned and lived in the last years since she had entered the Black Order.

" _Allen Walker hasn't been dominated by the Fourteenth yet"_ The woman reflected with herself. " _Actually, he keeps using his Innocence, he is still an Accommodator"._ She closed her eyes as if in an attempt to feel something from Walker that remained here, some hidden trait.

" _Allen Walker… What is that you're planning?"._

"What are you doing there?" A voice cut her thoughts. Klaud turned.

At the door, there was a black figure cut against the light from outside. Alistair Krory. His golden eyes and the white hair threw back indicated his Innocence was still activated, causing the change to a more serious side of his personality. It was curious to observe the face, usually gentle and kind of shy to be in such a harsh expression.

"Nothing" She replied calmly. She hadn't thought that anyone would enter the room, since some people avoided it as if the place had been cursed by Walker, a behavior that Klaud judged absolutely silly and wondered if some weren't doing this more out of some drama without real purpose.

Krory, however, with his sharp instincts, must have felt her. Be it for her heartbeat or natural scent. The thought could cause discomfort or nervousness in some others, but Klaud merely held his stare.

"Why did you think I would be doing anything?" And she turned to him, placing a strand of hair behind her ear in a simple gesture. "It is just an empty room".

"It is the room of Allen Walker" It was the response, the man didn't even blink, voice sliding through his fangs. Klaud took notice of the verbal time applied.

"It _is_ or it _was?"_ She asked in mere curiosity, studying his face in search of reactions and getting nothing.

"Is or was, it matters not" Krory carried on, his eyes on hers. "If you aren't doing anything, then why would you enter an empty room?" The question, despite the serious tone, had something in the words that resembled the teasing of a parent who just caught his child trying to steal the cookies. Klaud didn't like it, but also kept her control.

"Merely thinking." An inexpressive reply was the safest route and wasn't a lie also. Krory didn't move. It was almost a tiger keeping the passage and preventing the prey from escaping, but someone passing by wouldn't be able to tell which one was the predator.

"May I know why you would come to this specific room just to _think?_ You must admit it sounds strange". Krory didn't seem about to let the subject drop. Klaud wondered vaguely if he suspicious of something or just protecting what he considered Allen's particular place. Both probabilities seemed possible, but Klaud somehow leaned to the second one.

"And the behavior of everyone else has been much reasonable?" Klaud risked, in a way that sounded almost joking, just in case. Krory's eyes became harsher and something gleamed deep inside.

"Where do you want to reach with this?" The man asked, wishing to end that brief dance of words. He didn't trust the woman ahead at all and really didn't like to see someone just entering Allen's room, no matter how it wasn't "his room" anymore and hadn't been for more than three months. And probably would never be again.

Klaud studied him for some seconds more, evaluating what to say or not. The tiniest mistake could have negative results and she had never been the impulsive type. The safest thing to do was to wait and watch.

Kanda had come back, surprising everyone, some weeks ago and soon had left for a mission after synchronizing with his Innocence one more that, according to the rumors, had evolved to Crystal type. It was the second Innocence to do and until now, no one knew what took to make the evolution.

The blonde had no issues in believing that he had left not on a mission, but to search for Allen Walker. With which purposes, there were chances, but the woman couldn't truly say which one was the most probable.

Krory still had his eyes on her, waiting. Klaud shrugged, a gesture that coming from her was elegant.

"As I said, I was merely reflecting" She approached the door. For a moment, Krory's eyes seemed able to pierce all they touched, but the man stepped away to allow passage.

Klaud pulled the memories of her meeting with Walker again, studying them carefully and revising details, comparing to what she knew.

She hadn't told anyone.

No one knew about Walker, the Noah, nothing. Nothing about how they had helped her.

To Klaud, this was the confirmation for things she had suspected as she thought about all that had been happening: It was all too strange and the story regarding Walker had essential holes. Internally, the general had deposited her trust in Allen Walker and hoped that, whatever he was doing, he would succeed.

She knew that, in questions of positions, she _could_ tell Lenalee about the event. She had been quite clear regarding her trust to Walker, but while this was admirable, Klaud knew that with information such as this, Lenalee wouldn't hesitate in telling the others under the hopes that the report would perhaps convince them that Allen was not a traitor.

However, the actual effects could be more malignant than benefic, even if they omitted that the boy was with a Noah. And despite feeling that others such as some members of the Science Department, Miranda Lotto and Alistair Krory also trusted Walker, the General needed _certainty_ and not base herself in "impressions", no matter how correct they felt.

" _If you still trust Allen Walker, Alistair Krory"_ The woman said mentally. " _Then, you are right in doing so. You have reasons for this"._

Still, she wasn't sure there was someone to who she could truly confide what she had seen.

Wait and watch, for now, wait and watch.

 **XxX**

The sky was colored in threads of red and gold casted against the blue that darkened, as lines of reflex and color among a lake that covered the world.

A man watched through the window of a fine hotel, a cigar in his mouth and hands in his pockets in a calm posture. His companion was seated in the middle of a bed, cross legged and a light smile in his face.

"Nothing yet" He commented, not at all worried. "But it shouldn't be long now, don't you think?".

"I doubt it" Tyki replied, shaking his head. "He will be too tempted to resist. And the idea that we may about to take the boy with us…" There was a great chance Apocryphos would realize what they were doing, but with his arrogance, the Noah doubted it would make much of a difference for the creature. Above all, the idea that they could _really_ take Allen along would be like an insect crawling in his mind and he wouldn't bear the hypothesis of this happening.

Not to mention the temptation of absorbing the boy as the Noah were that close, it was something that would flavor the temptation.

" _If you understand enough about some standards behaviors and details about someone's nature, nothing is left to chance"._

"Do you think he realized Raz is with him?" Wisely asked, but Tyki denied with his head, indicating he had no idea. Both imagined what would be Apocryphos' reaction when he realized Allen had been all this time in the company of a Noah. The very idea made Wisely chuckle to himself.

"Oh, I would love to be close enough to see it" His muttering was accompanied by an expression of delight. "I imagine he will be so furious" Better than this, only if Walker decided to go with them out of his own will and right in front of Apocryphos.

Yet they knew that, even if they would have enjoyed this, Walker wouldn't do such a thing.

Well, at least not _for now._

"The Earl would love to see this too" Tyki commented, referring not only to Apocryphos' reaction like also to what he knew Wisely should be thinking. "If only they weren't acting like this…".

One day, he and Sheryl had been back to Liverpool to check on them and had found out they had left. At first the Earl hadn't minded much, but with the days turning into weeks, his anxiety to be with his family complete had poisoned his patience.

Honestly, it wasn't as if the others didn't share the feeling. To know there was not just one, but _two_ members of the family keeping the distance was alike having an itch in the nerves.

Wisely tuned to Tyki with a sarcastic smile.

"Oh, c'mon, but aren't they just so _adorable_ when they act like this?".

Tyki rolled his eyes.

They had felted them and, despite the decision of leaving them to lure Apocryphos, they had judged good to give them a light warning about what was going on and as such, had called upon akumas to where they were and interrupting their little street show.

Which they had watched a part, even if from afar.

To Wisely, Raz looked almost the same, even her outfit (only with black shoes and the strand in the collar).

For what Tyki saw and comparing to the only time their paths crossed (not counting when he had been spying on her and the boy in Liverpool and seeing their training), she looked stronger, attacking akumas combining her shadows with the Walker's Innocence.

Annoying, sure, but… Not bad.

"Absolutely" He deadpanned. "But I don't think the Earl would agree" Not that he actually had any idea of how the patriarch would react upon knowing Raz was now even helping Allen to destroy akumas and even clearly in a way that didn't harm the souls. No doubt the boy had told her all about it.

"Or maybe he won't be that surprised…" Wisely suggested in an innocent tone. Tyki knew he was teasing him (as he did with the others sometimes when Raz was the subject), but the Noah of Pleasure knew it wouldn't be any good asking him about the time Raz had been part of the family, as it was of no help to ask him about the events of thirty five years ago.

Wisely would rather have them seeking those answers by themselves than just handing them over, thought Tyki was sure the Noah of Wisdom took some delight in ignoring, changing the subject or give evasive answers when any of the others asked anything related to those matters.

When talking to her today, Wisely had felt her mind just a little, carefully as one would hold a crystal statue that was too fragile and could crumble down at any second. The memories were still there, but too deep in her mind and too shattered, to the point that pressing much would be like holding glass shards too tightly. But at least they hadn't fallen in the darkness of forgetfulness and it felt as if some of them were coming closer to the surface of her brain and closer to being remembered.

Once, a little after seeing Raz training, Sheryl had asked Wisely about her. The Noah of Wisdom had merely shrugged and commented that once the girl was with them again, he could meet her personally so there was no reason to hurry.

Sheryl hadn't liked that. Tyki didn't know what his brother truly thought of the girl. It was clear he hated Walker (more due to Road's feelings for him than for the boy being the host of the Fourteenth or how he had messed up the Clan's plans before), but regarding Raz it was harder to know. There were moments it seemed that Sheryl didn't like the girl either (since she had rejected to come back, protected an Innocence and clearly decided in traveling with Walker) while in other times, he seemed anxious to have her with them, which would be the natural instinct.

" _I just hope he won't try to adopt her as well…"_ Though if he did so, Tyki guessed it would be more for the same reason he had adopted Wisely: To make things easier for him, since he was still minor in human's society. At least Sheryl wasn't going _too_ overboard with his "son" as he did with Road.

Tyki wasn't sure himself of how he felt about the Noah with no memories...

Knowing there was no use in asking anything to Wisely, he watched the street hidden in the night, letting his own thoughts wander through the possibilities and their plan to get Apocryphos, which was the most important now.

Sometimes, he went back to thinking of when he had seen Raz and Allen training and today, seeing them from afar, dancing among humans. He almost chuckled. Road would have, at the least, insisted in seeing them closer and commented on how cute they both looked like that (if she didn't end up trying to hug Allen again once the performance was over).

He wondered what would have been her reaction upon seeing Raz too.

" _Well, one thing at time. Let's continue this particular dance of ours for a while more, then, shall we?"._

* * *

 **Ana: YES! _Finally!_ Now the plot thickens! I mentioned this before, but I'll again: I planned this whole thing during the D. Gray Man hiatus after Allen meets the Earl in that street. Meaning, after this point, things will greatly diverge from the manga. By the way, the song of this episode is "** ** _Sei to Shi no Sukima"_ , meaning " _The Crevice Between Life and Death"_ and also from the Black Butler's musical. Seriously, it is a beautiful song.  
**

 **Kanda: And has anything here followed the original story for starters?**

 **Ana: You shouldn't be in a bad mood, you finally made your appearance. Second, I followed some details. Not major things, but some.**

 **Lavi: What about me?**

 **Ana: You and Road will have to wait a little more. C'mon, I'm getting there, have some patience...**

 **Tyki: I must say, Wisely's insistence in keeping his mouth shut is getting on my nerves.**

 **Wisely: I'm the Noah of Wisdom. The nature of wisdom is in seeking answers by yourself, otherwise, you won't truly learn and understand.**

 **Tyki: Oh, please, you just like to annoy people.**

 **Wisely: Perhaaaps~**

 **Ana: It isn't as if the Earl or Road ever told anyone anything in the manga either, so you guys can't blame me for that one. If they had, Bookman wouldn't be now being tortured.**

 **Earl ( _wiping a tear_ ): It is just hard to talk about this matter. Such a painful memory to me! And even now with Raz refusing to come home and Walker suppressing Neah...**

 **Wisely: Raz, Allen, you made him cry!**

 **Raz: What? What did we do? I haven't even met him!**

 **Allen: Oh, I'm sorry if I want to be myself and not be taken over by Neah.**

 **Neah ( _taking over Allen):_ He has been more sarcastic later, don't mind him. **

**Ana: Why every session before replying the reviews turns into a mess? No, really, why?**

 **Road: Don't mind them, let's carry on.**

 **Ana: Regarding the poll, well, no one answered and I won't say anything since the matter of the Heart is a point of this fic too.**

 _ **blarg7865:** Don't know if we can call faction, but there are people who still believe in him in the Order and the Exiled also will stay at his side. He indeed is the stronger of them, we can't deny this. _

_Allen: M-MC syndrome? What is that?_

 _Alison: Probably something to do with how you like to go putting yourself at risk to save everyone. You're not Superman you know._

 _Ana: Yeah, he does tend to let his emotional side take over several times when it comes down to help others._

 _Allen: Since when that's wrong?_

 _Raz: It isn't, but you tend to get carried away._

 _Lenalee: We all told you this already._

 _Ana: Since, for what I remember, Mana found Allen in Britain and I don't know much about how it is with traveling circus, I haven't decided if they will have to leave the country for that. In anyway, they have to search for it and it won't be easy. I agree, I haven't seen many dealing with this... But even now, there is a lot of issues, like I said if Road's feelings are actually for Allen or true enough to be called love, how Lenalee (and the others) left him and also her own issues...  
_

 _Road: I do know my own heart!_

 _Lenalee: Wait, I'm sorry I left him, we all are..._

 _Ana: I said we'll deal with those details when the time comes... I know, if you ask me, it was one of the saddest arks in the story. It was really low from the Order... As a catholic, I say: Army of God my_ foot. _Not going to say the church didn't do shit stuff in the past, but_ really... _  
_

 _Earl: My dear, the are willing to do anything to win this war. If it means winning, why, there is no sin they wouldn't commit._ **  
**

 _Ana: About the Third.. Actually no. I mean, I just left them as akumas, I may mention their names but that will be it. To be honest, I have too many characters to deal with as it is, so it's kinda hard for me to include everyone. As for Neah... I have no idea. I admit. One of the problems I had here was to imagine what would his powers be, along with Toraido and Maashima (Judgment was somewhat easy, but Noah of Mercy? Their "titles" are somehow connected with their powers, what kind of power would that be?)._

 _Toraido: Meaning, she lacks imagination to come up with_ good _stuff, the stupid human._

 _Ana: HEY! What can I say, it isn't like I can just make up anything and push to him, it has to have to do with his "title", just like everyone else! Uh... I honestly haven't read Bleach and haven't played Kingdom Hearts, but I did read a little about the characters. I focused more on how Neah is called Noah of Destruction._

 _Toraido: Like I said, she lacks potential to come up with good stuff._

 ** _jy24:_** _It was kind of about time, right? XD_

 _Allen: I'm happy they didn't hate us for it._

 _Elana: It is weird and it took time for us to get used to it, but again, when you're not in the mindset of the Order, certain things feel different._

 _Ana: Well, Lauren just examined Raz as if she was a cute animal or something._

 _Lauren: I swear I meant no offense, I was just surprised..._

 _Ana: Aaand... No. Klaud didn't tell anyone. She isn't sure of who she can trust now, but she is a sharp woman. We will have to wait and see what she will decide to do from now on._

 **So people, see you all next chapter! Please, remember that reviews and criticism mean _everything_ to me. I love to hear what you guys think of this plot and what will happen. (And since English is not my first language, if someone has something to say about grammar or phrase structure, please do!).**

 **See you guys!**


	17. Act Seventeen – Puppets on Strings and D

" _These walls are kind of funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, gets you so depended on them. That's institutionalized. They send you here for life, that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyway." –_ Stephen King's The Shawshank Redemption.

 **Act Seventeen – Puppets on Strings and Dogs in Leashes.**

The afternoon had given place to the night and the moon invaded the room through the window, falling over the boy lying in the bed under it like a veil of silver on his white hair.

Still without much choice, Raz had taken Kanda and Johnny to the inn they were sharing with the others, knowing she should be calling Alison in the small shop she had found a job, or maybe trying to get in contact with Elana and Lauren, but she didn't feel at all like leaving Allen alone when he was in this state.

The boy had spoken to those guys as if they knew each other well and he had told Raz of them, however this had no meaning for her. All she knew was that they were members of the Order and that was enough.

Yet, they were a small threat in comparison to the fight Allen should be having now.

Kneeling at the side of his bed, Raz was relieved to confirm his breathing was back to normal, though his skin retained a light shade of grey (at least it hadn't reached the same shade of hers). To her surprise, the man with glasses was at the other side too and, like her, talked to Allen aware that he should be resisting the Noah genes.

Back in the tunnel, she had felt something in herself reacting to his waking, yet now there was nothing and she prayed to God with all her heart this was an actually positive signal.

"Trying to wake him up?" The other man with long dark hair asked, arms crossed as he stood near the door.

"Yeah…" Glasses Man replied, eyes still in Allen. "We could even try to read Cross debts to him, but… This isn't a normal sleep." In another occasion, Raz would have some amusement, considering the effect that speaking of his Master's debts had to Allen and it could have had results, but the man was right. This wasn't even an actual _sleep._

"And, after all, who the heck are you?" The other asked, his dark eyes on the girl who just looked back at him before her attention was back to Allen.

"Raz"

"Sorry, with all this we didn't even introduce ourselves. I'm Johnny Gil, and he is Kanda. Are you friends with…" But Kanda didn't let Johnny have chances to continue, going to a point he considered far more important than presentations.

"You are a _Noah,_ aren't you?"

Johnny fought to keep his face neutral. He hadn't ignored the existence of this possibility, even if he wanted to believe in others… The girl landed her blue-grey eyes on Kanda, her features serene and yet not giving anything away. Johnny realized he would rather keep looking at Allen than at her, but heard the reply.

"Yes, I am"

Holding Allen's hand, Johnny managed to keep any reaction away though his heart jumped and an instinctual fear froze his blood. That Noah had been at Allen's side, seemed to be helping, but all he could feel was the memory of the times he had seen the Noah and the things they did.

Kanda remained there, arms crossed and staring at her.

"And what are you doing with the Moyashi?"

Raz knew they would make questions, as she knew she couldn't have hidden forever what she truly was. However, perhaps with the danger the Noah were, those two would think twice before trying to harm Allen (if this was what they planned… Even if she knew Kanda had killed a Noah. The knowledge seemed to bother her and she tried to ignore, since it came from her genes rather than any more personal feeling).

But that didn't mean she would accept being interrogated.

She would have liked to believe at least in Kanda, since Allen told her he had helped the samurai leaving with a portal of the White Ark, but Kanda hadn't given _her_ any reason to deserve trust.

So, Raz would rather be cautious.

"I could ask the same. What are you doing here?" But with her attention in Allen and her tone, it was clear the answer wasn't what truly interested her in the moment (perhaps because she didn't know if they would tell the truth). "I'm traveling with him".

"And why is that?" Kanda insisted, studying the girl. That made no sense at all. The Noah _wanted_ the Moyashi to be consumed by the Fourteenth, then why she was acting as if she wished for the opposite? Not only that, she had also tried to keep the akumas from attacking or escaping. It was like a story of mirror dimensions.

Raz rolled her eyes, but even this gesture was hard to tell if was born of exasperation, annoyance, weariness or nothing at all.

"Because he is my friend"

 **XxX**

The street passing down the stairs hidden between the inn and another building were apparently empty, though it wasn't quite so. Kanda could sense the presence of someone who he hadn't thought he would see again.

"So?" He called, looking straight to a dark corner. "Until when you will keep lurking around, Levelier's dog?"

Learning he had been spotted and that there was no way of pretend he wasn't there or walk away, a figure of long coat and light hair stepped closer, leaving the mantle of darkness where he had been hiding.

Howard Link.

Kanda held Mugen's handle firmly, not liking at all how he had been spying since they had met the Moyashi and he wondered for how long Link had been around.

Some moments ago, Kanda had decided to leave the Moyashi under the care of Johnny and the Noah girl (even if he had no trust in her, she had been at the white haired brat's side, who had acted as if he knew her well), deciding to confront the presence he had felt earlier. He was aware that for now there was nothing to be done for Walker. That fight was his alone.

Now, Kanda stared at Link coldly. If that pet dog from Levelier showed signs that he intended to go back to his master telling anything or attack the Moyashi, Kanda would actually be glad with the excuse to kill him.

Not that he even needed one.

"Why so quiet? Has you master forbidden you from talking?" Kanda inquired to the silence.

Link actually didn't have much to say. After finding himself healed, Levelier had ordered him to find Walker and stay around until the Fourteenth appeared. In any case, he hadn't expected to cross paths with Kanda and, regarding the samurai, every caution was still little, whether you were his ally or his enemy.

"I thought I wouldn't ever see you again" He confessed, sincerely. "I'm surprised you have come back to us like this" He completed with a smile. It wasn't as if he and Kanda had ever been close friends (let alone friends) and he recalled all that had happened during the Noah's attack to the Order.

With a cold smile that was made of despise, Kanda stared at him.

"You do seem healthy"

"Now I'm surprised that you would be worried about me" Link nodded, being interrupted by the other.

"I didn't and I don't. What I mean is why you pretended to be dead?"

Of course that would be the first question of anyone who met him. Link didn't need much time to pick his words, once he had been ready for the eventuality.

"I ran away. An Inspector that allows the one he should be watching to escape so easily and right under the Order's nose, is considered trash. I was a Crow" He tilted his head, studying Kanda without showing signs of wanting a fight and knowing the Exorcist wouldn't attack for mere whim now, since both had far more urgent matters at hand. "I'm sure you can imagine what happens to someone who failed his duty?"

Kanda didn't believe a single word that came from the man, but decided to let him talk to his heart's desire, attentive to each phrase construction and the terms used as someone who would exam complex data.

"I don't want my life to end like that. And for the Central, isn't it better to announce me as dead? In the end, now I'm just like Walker. A runaway."

" _How much time did you waste creating this little speech?"_ Kanda wondered, almost amused despite his anger. That all sounded too perfect and convenient to his taste and if Link had thought he could convince him by placing himself in the same level as the Moyashi, to form a similarity between them, he was crazy.

"I don't buy this crap" He came down some steps. "You, from the Central, can give up anything and everything. Be it your heart, your body, life and even your very soul." A glimpse under the moon and Mugen's blade pressed Link's face, the weak wrapping of flesh and blood. "Especially you, someone so _sick_ in your devotion to Levelier."

Those were tricks that Kanda knew too much to let them work. Confessing something, lowering himself due a failure and regret and then trying to establish a common ground to bond, all just so the person listening would be moved by pity and a feeling of being alike and, therefore, able to trust each other.

He had heard things like that before and from people who were far better at it and more subtle than Link.

"If your mission here is to kill the Moyashi, I'll dismember you right now" He growled in a metallic tone. Such things were never spoken figuratively by Kanda. " _I_ am the one who is going to kill him".

In the case the brat lost the battle to the Fourteenth, the Noah genes turning out to be too powerful, that was what he would do. And for a fairly simple reason too: Because that was what the Moyashi would have liked that someone did for him, if he was unable to.

Link didn't shiver when the blade pressed his face in a fine line.

"If… If he can win against the fate determined for a "host", then I would like to see this. I want to". His voice was so low it could have come from the night itself. "If people can, just with their hearts, to actually change and decide their own futures against all odds… This is something I would like to learn".

Kanda scoffed at this, his eyes never leaving the other's face. Really, did he think he would convince him with _that_?

"Pretty words. Nothing more" He turned his back at him. "Appear near us once more and your head will be rolling in the ground before you realize you're dead"

 **XxX**

Raz knew she _had_ to call Alison and the others, soon they would be back and they had to know about those two men, so they could decide if they wanted to come back or find another place to stay for the moment. It wouldn't be right to not inform them.

On another hand, she still didn't want to leave Allen, be it alone or with that man. The samurai one had left some seconds ago, she didn't know why, but just hoped he wasn't getting in contact with the Order. The man of glasses, Johnny, had told her this couldn't be the case, but it wasn't in Raz to just blindly trust words.

She looked at Timcampy resting over Allen's chest, tail waving from time to time. The golem turned to her and touched the fluffy end of it in her hand. Raz had never been able to fully understand what kind of "thought" that flying little ball was able to have, but judged that the gesture meant things would be okay.

"There is something I need to do" She said quietly, attracting the gaze of Johnny as she stood. "Timcampy, if something happens, warn me" The golem just waved his tail to show he had understood.

She would be quickly, coming back as fast as she could.

Johnny still looked at her, unsure of how to say or even what to say, and received just a stare that had nothing but ice on it.

"You… You hate us, right?" He couldn't stop being bothered by this. It was ridiculous, of course, she was a _Noah,_ they _despised_ any human being and especially those connected to the Black Order, but… Somehow, it was a little different. He didn't know if this was because he wasn't seeing her fighting or because he had seen her protecting Allen and holding his hand or if it was because she wasn't showing the black stigmas and grey skin of the Noah.

Raz remained in silence for some seconds before sighing, with no changes in her gaze or features.

"I hate the Order. I do not hate you or that other in a personal way" At least not yet. For now, they held just her distrust.

"Why?" The question escaped his mouth before he could reflect in there was any sense in even _asking_ such a thing. That she hated the Order, well, as he had just thought, it was expected and even natural by now.

Wasn't it?

The girl kept her silence, studying him and Johnny thought he wouldn't get any answer (she seemed to speak only when necessary, at least with him and Kanda) when she started in a tone that was calm, but cold and lacking any sort of emotion that gave birth to a shiver in his entrails.

"When I woke up, all I knew was my own name. I didn't know who I was or even _what_ I was. I still don't know much about myself." She knew she was a Noah, but it wasn't enough and what she knew were fragments too lost to make sense. Her gaze went to Allen… Someone passing by would think he was asleep, unaware that there was actually a battle going on inside him.

It wasn't _fair._

Johnny heard this with his mind jumping in shock. If what she had just said was true, then somehow that girl hadn't known anything when Allen met her? A Noah who didn't know who she was, some people at the Order could have considered this ironically amusing.

He didn't.

"Allen could have left me, could have killed me, could have handed me over to the Order" In her state back then, she would have been unable to do anything and presenting them a captured Noah would have helped him a lot. Still not moving, her eyes went to Johnny and neither her vocal chords nor features betrayed the inner sensations. "Not knowing anything, not remembering anything, not even knowing the world around… I was a _burden._ And yet, he never left me. On the contrary, he took care of me, taught me things and helped me. Even if I am a Noah and he is chosen by Innocence"

No surprise to be found there. It was easy to imagine Allen walking with that Noah in the streets, teaching her how some things worked, not unlike one would to a small child, even telling her about the war and the Clan.

Perhaps it was due to this being so natural from Allen that many in the Order had easily believed him to be a traitor, not knowing him _enough_ to see how impossible that was.

Johnny didn't think so, it had nothing to do with anything, it was something bigger than that war, the stable scenery and the costumes of roles that were actually shackles and iron suits with blades in which their minds had been forced into, shaped by force in exchange of blood and freedom.

"That's why I hate the Order." The girl explained, the calmness in her face turning the same of a constant blizzard before she went around the bed and to the door, the hair falling loose in her back. "You _knew_ him, you were his _family…_ And you _abandoned_ him"

He had followed her with his eyes and found that he couldn't answer this. Even if they didn't want it to be so, truth was that no mattering the circumstances and details, that was what they had done in the end. Yes, Levelier had forbidden them all from seeing Allen, but neither of them had insisted or tried anyway.

"I saw Allen's tears"

The whisper was so low, almost from a dream or nightmare. Johnny felt he was sinking in himself, in his regret. He recalled all times Allen had smiled, all the times he had said "It's fine" and wondered, not for the first time, how many of those times had been lies.

The girl turned to him.

"To me, he is like a brother"

It was hard to doubt so after seeing her placing a sword in Kanda's throat and demanding that he stayed away. It sounded like insanity, a Noah saying this regarding an Innocence Accommodator, but Johnny saw it was true. He would have liked to tell her Allen felt the same… But those would have been words without a real meaning since he had just met her and had no idea of what had truly happened in those three, almost four months.

Raz wasn't saying this just to hear pretty words from the man either, she just wanted to make something here quite clear.

"Noah, Exorcist, Innocence, it matters not. If someone tries to do anything against him… I will personally send them, body and soul, straight to _Hell."_

 **XxX**

When he opened his eyes, for a moment, he just saw the unknown ceiling and a moon-bathed room. There was a warm weight in his chest that he knew and his hands felt warm as well, one of them still being held…

The person who had been with him, a man with glasses, had hugged him and blabbed about how he was awaken now and well, offering some sandwiches, but he had just asked for water. His throat felt sore, almost as if the flesh inside would crack.

He had felt a pain in his abdomen, soon seeing the white feathers twisting over the flesh and coming of it as a nest of snakes.

When the man had distracted himself, going on about painkillers, he had taken his chance to throw his head against the wall with all strength. A red line of blood had formed before Johnny Gill fell in the floor, unconscious and perhaps even dead.

It made no difference.

The first surprise had been when he headed to the bathroom in the room to wash his face and clear his still dizzy mind, seeing his pale face reflected. Well, nothing to be done for this yet.

Since he had some time and needed to gather the state things were, he sat in the bed. The golden golem waved its wings upon seeing him, recognizing his master of years ago and had given him all essential info it had recorded about Allen Walker.

Now, sitting there and holding his face in one of his hands, Neah took a deep sigh.

"This _has_ to be a joke…" He grumbled to himself before growling to no one in particular. "CROSS! You cretin, why did you go and _die,_ moron?" Without him, there were some complications in the whole plan he had. Fine, Allen Walker, along with that man… Which was the name again? Oh, Samuel Kallen… Well, they didn't believe Cross was dead. And even despite all, Neah also doubted this was really the case.

Yet, with him _missing…_

And the ass even had placed debts in the name of his host. Damn him, he probably thought it was really funny.

"And now _Raz…"_ Neah muttered, leaning his elbow in one of his knees, hiding his face in the hand with a kind of smile whose emotion one couldn't truly distinguish. Raziah…

He hadn't imagined he would see her in such a situation. He couldn't say he was surprised about her memories being lost… Heh, when Allen had found her, she had looked as lost as a fawn or something. At least Allen had helped her. He had seen glimpses from Timcampy, of Allen explaining things as he could and not only of the Noah and Exorcists.

She had been utterly surprised when she had first seen a train.

Though, under some aspects… She seemed to be still the same.

"Like a brother, eh?" He muttered, once Timcampy had showed also the last words she had said before leaving the room. There was irony in this, no doubt.

It would take time for her to remember things. He wondered what she would do once she remembered it all… Including the things that Raz, years ago, would probably have been glad to forget forever.

Someone upstairs had a real sense of irony.

"It's not like I can do anything. Not now. Speaking of which…" He looked down to Timcampy. "Why did _he_ forget me too?" Not only this, Allen looked a lot younger… Which made no sense. Noah had different metabolisms than humans, they aged slower. And Allen had been _older_ than a teenager when Neah met him… Heck, his name hadn't even been "Allen"!

His body should have aged normally until now since the genes hadn't altered it yet.

What on Earth did this mean?

He looked somewhat different too, with that white hair and scar and the…

His eyes stared the left arm, almost as if wanting to peel the skin of.

"Or it is something with _you_?" Neah muttered. "Did you do something, Innocence?" He knew he wouldn't feel any answer. He wasn't the Innocence's master, even if he was now in control of that body.

" _No matter what happens, I'm an Exorcist. I refuse to become someone else!"_ He remembered Allen had said that to Earl and the Noah, in the same occasion they had first seen each other clearly for the first time when the stab from the samurai had strengthened him. Crown Clown was Allen's Innocence and it struggled to keep balance, but Kanda's attack had affected his own genes, his own anger and forced them into a reaction. Like a disease forces the immunologic system to act and had rushed things up.

"So that's a farewell, my friend…" He whispered, although Allen couldn't hear him, still asleep inside himself.

He would have to think about his next steps now. Raz appearing once more hadn't been expected, but it wasn't an obstacle either no matter if she saw Allen as a brother or not…

And, like Allen, she didn't remember him anymore. For a moment, Neah thought about the moments they had spent together and with the other Noah, like Road. Sitting and talking during a dinner, laughing together or then Raz sitting in the floor, back against the piano as if asleep as he played, another Noah sitting in a couch near the window and talking about the song… When the Earl had found her and brought her home…

He also remembered her stained with blood, shivering, days she had spent without saying a single word.

"Tim" He told the golem, aware the samurai or Raz could be back at any moment. Even now, Neah couldn't control Allen's body for long. It was due to his weariness and his Innocence too that a window of opportunity had appeared in the perfect time. He knew he was getting stronger, but to be able to control that body was a welcomed confirmation. "Don't share this conversation of ours with anyone, agreed? From now on, I'll be able to see things through his eyes."

He stopped for a moment.

"If he wants to find out about me, that's even better. Give them some clues from time to time, to trigger dreams of his past… And this may help Raz too…"

How she would react once she remembered?

And the dreams those triggers could cause Allen… They could slowly erase him, until Neah was the new owner of that body. Or perhaps "Allen" would remember the promise he had made and allow that.

"This can be my last journey… And I have my promise to Mana, too." He smiled, aware his time was over. "Let's go on together, then, Timcampy."

It was the last thing he said, once more recoiling in the spot inside Allen's mind where his conscience remained without the boy feeling his presence.

In the same instance, a blade touched Allen's neck.

"Fourteenth?" Kanda demanded, voice full of rage. At his side, the Noah girl had shadows slithering over her hand and under her feet.

When he had been heading back to the inn, Kanda had found Raz, who had been in the phone talking with someone. The Exorcist had even thought it could be with another Noah, but soon pushed the idea away. It didn't feel like it and he guesses the Clan had better ways of communication.

Both had then headed back to the room and the only thing Kanda had said her was asking if the Moyashi could trust her.

Raz limited herself to retort by asking the same. In the end, perhaps they would have to agree in not trusting each other for now, even if Allen trusted them both. Honestly, Raz wasn't sure how she felt about that man.

Kanda then had invaded the room upon hearing mumbling, not hesitating when he took but a second to realize the scene ahead and throw himself against the man of white hair. Raz hadn't protested, feeling what had happened as well.

Her senses scanned the room for something the eyes couldn't catch.

"It's me! Allen!" The boy tried to say, the blade of Mugen held firm against his neck. Not moving, Kanda yelled.

"HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?"

Then Allen saw… Fallen in a corner, was Johnny. A thick line of red in the wall. Raz was now holding him and calling, trying to wake him up… A wound in the corner of his head, flesh exposed and face tainted in blood.

Kanda pulled the girl away, telling her to let him handle it as he bit his wrist until tearing the skin, freeing blood. Raz was back near Allen, the dagger firm in her hand as she hoped this was Allen and not the Fourteenth, that Allen hadn't lost the fight…

The horror and self loathing in his eyes were enough answer.

"Ugh… K-Kanda?" Johnny muttered, a throbbing at the side of his head echoing in his brain "Why… My head… Hurts" Noticing the blood, Johnny was nervous (he had never been one to take well seeing blood), but soon understood what probably had happened. Allen would never attack him, so it should have been…

Allen however recoiled, his insides hurting. He also knew what had happened, it wasn't hard to figure it out, there was no other answer…

He had hurt Johnny.

 _He_ had hurt _Johnny_.

The blood in the wall, in his face, that wound…

He had caused it.

The red attracted his eyes, killing all other colors in the world.

"Allen…" Raz started seriously, aware of what he must be thinking, but the boy didn't hear her.

" _I hurt him, I hurt him, I hurt him…"_ His mind repeated nonstopping, as if trying to find some meaning in the words, a context in which the scene made any kind of sense.

"It wasn't Allen" Johnny said, turning to him, things becoming clear in his mind. "Did I mistake that person for Allen?" Ignoring the throbbing in his head, he forced his body to comply and stand, but the white haired boy jumped behind, white waves wrapping his body in fury.

"DON'T ANY OF YOU COME ANY CLOSER!"

"Allen, stop being a…" Raz started, trying to come to him but the waves of Innocence had an aura of warning that she had never felt in their training.

"Don't any of you come near me…" Allen growled, but it wasn't out of rage and there was an expression in his face that while Raz had seen before, it hadn't been with such intensity. The white cape seemed made of sharp-edged feathers that would rip apart anyone who approached Allen.

Kanda didn't look at all impressed.

"So now you're going to run away?" He provoked the other, staring him up and down with a scowl. "Leave those two behind to disappear again? In your condition…"

"SHUT UP, BAKANDA!" Allen screamed back, cutting his words in a way that clearly stated the Japanese shouldn't talk about things he didn't understand. When he spoke again, it was in a more controlled tone, though he struggled to not let his voice tremble. "Understand this, okay? I'm not running away… I'm just taking the safer path… So I can still fight."

His eyes went to Johnny, his muscles still flexed.

"I'm sorry… I'm so _sorry,_ Johnny…" All he could think of was how he had hurt him. A wound in the head could be serious, he could have killed him and for Kanda to resort to healing him with his blood, then it had been worrying. It didn't matter that it had been the Fourteenth in a moment of control, it were still his hands that had performed the act.

Next time could be worse. What if next time, that Noah truly ended up killing someone? No… No, he couldn't allow this, he _couldn't._ Lately, with his feverish seizures, he had thought about this late at night, feeling the cold of fear…

Samuel, Elana, Alison, Lauren, _Raz…_ Friends kept each other safe, what kind of friend he was if he exposed them to this danger? Neah could slit their throats in their sleep!

Johnny's voice called to him once more.

"You saw what just happened!" Allen insisted, interrupting the other. He had to leave, he should have known. Raz would explain to the others and they would stay together still. "I need to be alone to fight this! Otherwise this will repeat!"

Raz and Kanda rolled their eyes.

"Allen, for the love of…"

He didn't pay her any attention.

"I can't, I _won't_ be caught by the Order now. So…"

"You haven't given up, have you, Allen?" The quiet voice of Johnny was no more than a whisper, however it cut all sound around. For some reason, he smiled. "You know, your eyes? They look the same of before, of someone who still has hopes! This is great! I'm happy."

His words and eyes held Allen in a way Kanda's provocation had not. Still ignoring the wound, as if forgetting it completely, Johnny stood.

"Look, back at the Order, I didn't do anything for you…" He admitted, refusing to lower his eyes, which could have been interpreted as an expression of regret, however Johnny would rather admit his mistake looking at his eyes. "I didn't say anything, I didn't do anything… _Forgive me,_ Allen, please. I'm really sorry for this…"

Allen opened his mouth, probably to say he didn't blame or to try to explain again that he had to leave, but Johnny carried on before his voice worked.

"But I'll be at your side, understand? I left the Order. Because I don't want to leave _my friend_ ". Emphasizing his words, Johnny held his head higher. Allen could think whatever he wanted, believe he had to be alone in that fight against what was inside him, but the truth was completely different. "So, I want to stay at your side until the end. Not as someone from the Science Department, but as Johnny Gil… As your friend"

Allen felt his body shivering. Nothing related to the Noah genes or fear, but rather something old he had thought he had forgotten… With time, he had grown to like Alison and the others and he truly _adored_ Raz. Wisely had called them "little siblings" and while this sounded disturbing coming from him, Allen had realized he didn't mind thinking of _her_ as such…

But people are irreplaceable. One couldn't occupy other's space in the heart. Therefore, there was something different in hearing those words coming from someone who was (or was, by what Johnny had said) part of the Order, someone he had met and known there, in his home. To know, personally, that someone from his past still believed him and wanted to be with him…

This just made him realize just how much he missed home.

Kanda looked away. He recognized some words and gestures were necessary, but that didn't mean he enjoyed this kind of scene. However, the Moyashi was distracted now, caught by surprise by what he had just heard.

"NOW!" He screamed, pouncing over him like a panther. "HOLD HIM DOWN!"

Allen let out a cry of protest, but felt his legs held. Looking down, he saw them wrapped in shadows.

"RAZ, C'MON!".

"Rope! Rope" Johnny mumbled as he started to search in his bag.

"LET ME GO, YOU THREE!".

Some minutes afterwards, filled by struggling, screaming, name-calling and curses (the last two coming more from Kanda), Allen was tied up in thick ropes, reinforced by Raz's shadows whose touch was delicate, but he knew they were firm in place. As much as he trashed around, he couldn't get free and stopped when the ropes started to hurt.

Kanda, seeming satisfied after checking the knots, stood up.

"Just stay there, we're going to check Gil's head" He groaned to Allen, who growled in reply, making the samurai roll his eyes. "Could you stop being an idiot? Or is this really part of your nature?" He turned to the girl, seated at his side. "Watch him"

Raz couldn't say she liked receiving orders like this, but remained where she was, just giving Kanda a strict look.

"So you're all just going to leave me tied up like this?" Allen protested out loud, starting to struggle again, without success.

Johnny tried to say something else, but Kanda couldn't stand anymore trying to convince Moyashi. Maybe a time tied up would help the idiot to calm down and for once try to use his head and understand his stubbornness wouldn't take him anywhere. That was already pissing him off.

"You're the one who asked for this, Moyashi, so how about stop complaining and staying there and quiet?"

"IT'S ALLEN!" The white haired boy screamed in reply as the samurai closed the door, not dignifying that with an answer. Even if he activated Crown Clown to get free or the shadows and ropes, apparently Raz wouldn't hesitate to hold him back and the noise would call Kanda back. And he knew the samurai wouldn't mind attacking him until he lost his senses.

"I can't say they are wrong, Allen" Raz commented, sitting with one knee up and leaning her arm on it as she studied him. "You were really acting as a self sacrificing idiot"

"Oh, be quiet…" He grumbled, turning his head away. He could just imagine what the others would say to all this. Johnny had said that he had left the Order… Allen didn't think he would lie to him (but a small voice in his mind seemed to whisper that it was better to be sure), but if that was the case, why Kanda was now wearing the Order's uniform?

Suddenly, the room's door cracked open a bit before completely. Alison and Elana looked from Raz to Allen, blinking and not understanding at all what they saw. By Elana's quick breathing and Alison's eyes, it was possible to see they had run back to the inn after Alison had received Raz's call.

"Uh…" Alison started, unsure of what to say. "Should I ask?"

"No, I don't think so… Please, _don't"_ Allen mumbled in reply, not for the first time wondering why he had so much bad luck.

 **XxX**

To explain everything to the others once they were all back took a little longer than one would have expected. They all had heard the explanations without interruptions, though, and Johnny had told how he had run away from the Order and met with Kanda.

He was impressed when learning that the group was made of _ex-_ Exorcists (as Alison had emphasized, not at all pleased when he miscalled them for such).

Once the introductions were made, he recognized some by name such as Alison Rouwen and Lauren Ashford, though they didn't seem to know him (and they didn't, one spent her time more in another Headquarters and the other rarely talked to the Science Department, just with Komui sometimes). Samuel, however, greeted him and Johnny recognized him as well, surprised to see him alive since Samuel had been classified as dead more than five or six years ago.

Kanda didn't seem to know any of them personally or even by name. Or perhaps it had been just his usual behavior, Allen for one didn't know.

"How did you manage to not turn into Fallen Ones?" He asked as they ate in the room. Lauren had told the keeper that one of them wasn't feeling well and with the sad eyes of a child afraid for a parent's healthy, had asked permission for them to have dinner in the room, though this was usually against the local rules. Since they had been there for a week and some days, the woman agreed, saying it would be _just_ that time.

"Sincerely, I thought that would happen when I ran off. I didn't know much about the process." But taking how she spoke, she had preferred the risk without much care and Lauren shrugged, to show it didn't matter even if now her stomach had suddenly done a flip-flap, trying to get free from the food it didn't want to digest anymore.

While the two newcomers had explained they didn't want to take Allen to the Order and meant no harm to them, this was not enough to get the trust of any of them. However she didn't want to be rude and was trying to be nice.

Alison and Elana were different and didn't have problems to hide the distrust. The deep green eyes of the first were true scalpels as Elana studied them with her usually gentle expression turning sharp. Personally, Allen guessed that the fact Kanda hadn't taken out the black coat was, visually, a detail that didn't help the others to see him as someone not connected to the organization anymore. Raz didn't seem comfortable around them either and unlike the silence of when they had met the Exiled, this was one that felt heavy.

"But no" The mocha-skinned girl continued, mixing the rice and meat with her fork distractively. Allen knew her enough to see that behind that attitude, she had no trust for Kanda or Johnny either, but seemed willing to at least try to be pleasant. "Maybe because our synchronization never diminished, I dunno".

"We left the Order, but we still hunt akumas" Alison said, even if she wasn't sure this was the reason and just wanting to end that subject. She had stopped thinking about that long ago. Her serious demeanor made Allen remember of when they first met.

"You've met three, four months ago, then?" Johnny asked. He had a curative in the corner of his head. Nothing of what had happened had had the slightest effect in his mood, neither did the distrust of the others.

Since they were runaways from the Order (and since a long time), this wasn't an unexpected behavior and honestly, he was too happy in knowing that Allen hadn't been alone all this time like he had thought to care, even if it felt a little awkward at first.

"And do you already know what _she_ is?". Kanda's question interrupted any answer. His dark eyes were on the Noah, who just sustained his glare almost in challenge. Allen threw Kanda an angry look for his words, no matter if his attitude wasn't different from what he had expected.

" _Yeah, he didn't change at all"._

"Not at first. Nor about the Fourteenth". Samuel replied with the calmness of his deep voice. He would have liked to say that it could be hard for someone who had just left the Order to accept the idea that a Noah was with the group, but to them that had walked away long ago, it was as if the chains that held their minds had been broken with time. Perhaps he would have said so, if he didn't think this could lead to an argument, which he would rather avoid in dinner.

If Cross was here and heard him say this, Samuel knew the redheaded would call him stupid.

"We told them a while ago" Raz affirmed, her eyes still holding Kanda's. At her side, Allen looked at him one more time before going back to eating in silence, which wasn't common.

"And how has this travel been?" Johnny asked, looking from her to Allen, feeling the firecrackers that could jump from the question about the girl's nature. The idea of being near a Noah wasn't pleasant and she sometimes had such distant eyes that it was as if she saw things the others didn't. Not in a supernatural way and neither how a blind person has the other senses more heightened, but almost like an animal could sense vibrations that people didn't.

Whatever it was, he couldn't help being _afraid_ of her.

Allen stared at him, still annoyed and just raised his wrist which had a circular shackle with two spikes, making Johnny's attempt at a smile to slide down his face.

"Well… I… I'm sorry for this… I really don't remember the code".

Lauren bit her lower lip to hold a laugh as Elana and Samuel just exchanged looks that were between worried and amused. With Allen still trying to get free when it seemed that Raz or Kanda had lowered their guard, the samurai had lost the already-limited patience he had and dug in Johnny's bag until he found a pair of shackles.

Johnny had tried to alert him about it, but it was too late. The shackles had been made by Reever to stop Komui from running away all the time and send a shock when they got too separated by more than twenty meters and he couldn't remember the code used to open them.

Hearing this, Kanda had shocked for a second and then proceeded to call the whole Department of names Raz had never heard in her entire life.

Lauren had found the whole deal, despite problematic, somehow funny and ignoring how Allen had at once tried to take his shackle off by force, thanked Johnny. With the akumas hunting them with more frequency those last days, such a moment was welcomed.

Allen, however, hadn't found it funny at all.

 **XxX**

People left trails. Traits in routine, especially if they spent time together. Students used to know where their classmates sat, people who had the habit of eating at the same place could know each other by sight even if they never spoke…

So, Reever didn't get surprised when sometimes he passed by the table Johnny tended to use to check his reports and other papers and was caught by the impression he would see him there, almost thinking he had a report for him to check or something to tell him…

Then he remembered. It had been weeks since the other had left, but after years of Johnny being part of Science Department in the Order, it was hard to get used to the idea of his absence. It had been the same with Walker.

" _Living together or just caged together?"_ His mind whispered coldly and he tried to not send the thought away, even if that disturbed him. Sitting at a table close to the window, as it had became his habit, he read over some report he didn't care much about. The words looked like maggots in the sheet, visual shapes associated to sounds and that held no true meaning.

"Chief Reever, are you alright?".

He turned to Miranda, picking the cup that was on the table and taking a sip of coffee.

"Yeah, I'm fine…".

The woman didn't seem at all convinced and her eyes remained on him, so dark that sometimes Reever felt they could be wells with a kind of warmth.

"You should take care" She said, taking a seat near him. "You're too pale. And you didn't have dinner… I mean, I don't mean to intrude, but if you keep this up, you may get sick" She added quickly, blushing and fearing he would think she was being intrusive. Truth was, she couldn't avoid getting worried, with him, her friends, she just couldn't…

For some reason, Reever felt his face growing warm under the skin.

"There is nothing to it, I just wasn't hungry" It was a curious mix of lie and truth. He hadn't realized if he _was_ hungry or not because lately he would drown himself in his work in a feverish manner. He had found out that if he was too focused in his duties, then his mind didn't wander to thought he didn't want.

Miranda shook her head.

"Supervisor Komui noticed that too, Reever" She said quietly to him. "And he is worried". The man didn't say anything to this, but didn't tell her to go away, which Miranda took as a positive signal. Chewing her lower lip, she wondered what she could say or do to make him feel better.

She took the risk.

"It's Johnny, isn't it?" They all knew he had left, but while some had accepted that he need to take care of a relative (mother or grandmother, she wasn't sure), Miranda didn't think that was true.

Reever looked at her. There were moments Miranda seemed more intuitive than others gave her credit for. Suddenly, he felt something agitating inside and before he realized, he was managing to put into words something that until now had been twisting inside him.

"Johnny went after Allen. He was the only one who had the courage to do so" Reever whispered, though with the noise in the Science Department room (even if it was night already), that made no difference. "I trust Allen too, I know he didn't do anything wrong, but… After so much time here, working in the Order, focusing in this war and trying to help the Exorcists…".

He sighed, running his hand on his hair.

"If we're truly fighting for humanity, then why did we let this happen?"

Miranda didn't say anything and the silence pulled more words from Reever in a red line in which his entrails were caught.

"We never questioned anything, even when we disagree from the Central. When Allen was arrested, we had orders of not seeing him and we just got angry, but didn't actually try anything… And even after what Allen did for the Central, they classified him as an enemy… I mean… It could have been any of us in the end, and…" He shook his head and Miranda saw how this had been eating him inside.

"Does this sound like what the side fighting for humanity would do?"

The man's elbows were on the table and he held his head.

"I don't know anymore… I'm just not sure anymore of what is _right"_

The woman's hand touched his back in a gentle caress. She tried to imagine what it felt to be in the Order for as long as Reever, but never leaving to the battlefield and just being able to help from inside. That didn't diminish his value at all, but she could understand what he meant.

It wasn't just his friendship with Allen or Johnny that worried him and created some hostile feeling to the Central, but the decisions made lately made him doubt all he had believed until now. Once you started to question what was right and wrong, if the Order was right or not…

What place did they belong in that war?

They were the weaker side, no doubt, whose chances of winning were low.

Yet they were all that stood between the Earl and humanity's death.

"We don't need to choose if we should fight for a friend or for humanity". The woman muttered unsure, since this was no comfort whatsoever, but an opinion. "They can't ask us to do this"

Also because, it wasn't as if supporting a friend, humanity would be forgotten and condemned. But now, with Allen considered a Noah, that's what seemed to be like in the vision of those who believed his betrayal.

Because a good soldier follows his orders.

Because they had been taught all along that the Noah were monsters. Of course they behaved the part to a "T", and yet… Allen was anything but a monster, and many people had accepted so far easier if in comparison to what one might expect.

Because the Order had said so.

The words she had heard from superiors such as Levelier and the other chiefs of the branches now felt like strands of iron cutting and sucking out the blood to make them dance in a rhythm chosen by others. Heh, it should be easier to those seated at such a high point that they all looked as pawns in a chessboard…

But after while, roles became easier to accept and people could get used to it… To be players or pawns, even to those piercing strings.

"Us" and "them". What "we" are and what "they" are.

You got used, you got settled, you accepted.

" _Right_ ", " _wrong_ "… Terms that were slippery in reality, frequently mixed in a dance, strands of ripped-out skin uniting them in a whole thing whose colors changed depending on which point you sat to watch.

Suddenly, Miranda felt like she was going to be sick.

"We are not marionettes" She muttered, unaware if to herself or Reever, who held her hand as if he couldn't ever let go again.

* * *

 **Ana: Whew! There we go! The meeting between Johnny, Kanda and the Exiled wasn't that easy to write.**

 **Alison: Do we have to put up with them?**

 **Ana: You know that they spent a long time searching for Allen, it's not like you guys can just lose them.**

 **Allen: That I have to agree, knowing them.**

 **Ana: So, this is a part that I still followed the manga a little, until the part they meet the Earl. After that... We're back to a complete different plot.**

 _ **CrimsonVega:** Thanks so much! As I said, reviews where the readers tell me what they think (of the plot and characters) and what they think will happen are the ones that make me happiest!_

 _Kanda: About time we found the damn Moyashi._

 _Ana: Well, as you saw, they concluded pretty soon that she is a Noah, especially due to her powers._

 _Kanda: Wait a minute, I just met that Noah!_

 _Raz: I don't even trust this guy!_

 _Ana: I loved to hear about those pairings! Kanda/Raz, hm? I can't say if this will happen, but it would be interesting!_

 _Kanda: Please, give me a break._

 _Ana: Well, there will be shippings with the Exiled, but I can't say if it will be with a cannon character or not._

 _Samuel: Me and Kanda?_

 _Elana: People do like this guy..._

 _Ana: You have no idea. Don't worry, deep down he is a nice guy._

 _Allen: Deep, deep, deeep down._

 _Kanda: What's that supposed to mean?_

 _Ana: We do love you Kanda-chan._

 _Kanda (with Mugen): Try calling me this again._

 _Ana: And... Yes. They will meet the Earl._

 ** _jy24:_** _Yup, they did. It was easier for them, after what she said and how she refuses to attack the Akumas. Since she could make a sword with her power, it was clear that she could attack, but chose not to.  
_

 _Klaud: I'm thinking about several things, especially since my meeting with Walker._

 _Ana: After this particular part, of meeting Kanda and Johnny and being found by the Earl, then we're back to a very different plot. Link just found them recently and since they are all attentive to their surroundings, he can't be very near all the time. So, for now, he isn't sure of them._

 ** _bibliophile030:_** _Thanks so much! I swear, I've never noticed this while reading the books I have in English and no one ever taught that to me during the English classes! I'll try paying attention to it from now on! And hey, happy you like Raz! It always means a lot to me when people like my characters!  
_

 _Allen: She still doesn't know much... We hope her dreams will make more sense soon or that SOMEONE will bring at least part of her memories back -glaring to the author-_

 _Ana: Give it time... This is a particular thing that bothers me about the Order. But again, in a war, I think it is easier to not think about the enemy as beings with emotions and lives. It is hard and terrible enough with having this in mind. The line was crossed when they just forgot all that Allen did just for things that aren't even his fault (like having a Noah inside him. How about helping him instead of throwing him in a cell?)._

 _Lauren: That's why we decided to bail. There are nice people there, sure, but the Order isn't as nice as they want others to think._

 _Ana: Hope you have liked this chapter too!  
_


	18. Act Eighteen – Hunter and Prey

" _When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you" –_ Nietzsche _._

 **Act Eighteen – Hunter and Prey  
**

In a city which had such a normally high flux of tourists and travelers, people were used to see here and there in the streets, something to look at. At times, travelers hoping to receive exchanges for songs or quickly drawings, poets reciting about faraway lands or people carrying small boards in front of their chests held by straps over their shoulders, showing all kinds of things they were selling, from toys to trinkets.

In one of the streets, in front of some steps, there was a large tablecloth with all kinds of paraphernalia, writing machines and clocks. A small board announced " _Fast Repair Services_ ". Sitting on the steps, only the man with glasses and curly hair seemed to be fine, welcoming clients with smiles. The other two boys refused to look at each other, both with harsh expressions and the girl had her elbow on her knee, resting her face on her hand as she watched the man with glasses fix some of the stuff. It was hard to say if she was bored or just calm.

Johnny's idea of opening a small service like that hadn't been all bad and even if they had started to offer repairs just two days ago, apparently people had commented with their friends and the incoming was being relatively good.

Allen wasn't that pleased. Not that he had a thing against this, but he was already used to performing again and playing cards to earn life. The major factor was that the shackle Kanda had placed on him was firm as ever and it didn't do anything for mood, especially how resistant the things seemed to be.

" _Great. Their inventions keep haunting me. All those Komurins and I don't know what else being useless and yet_ this _has to be the one thing that actually works."_

Kanda hadn't said anything about it, preferring to ignore the subject.

Raz, on another hand, _was_ getting bored. Like Allen, she had gotten used to spend part of the afternoons dancing and jumping, going from a point to another in towns as they gathered money for the travels and now she had nothing to do, even with the people that sometimes bought objects she had never seen in her life (which called for her curiosity) and Johnny, seeing this, would then explain what they were for (though she had noticed how he backed away a little if she leaned to him). Raz didn't understand a thing when he used some technological-related terms. It was better than just sitting and looking, however even that became boring after a while.

Sometimes, the Noah tried to concentrate and try to see if she was able to feel if there was someone from the Clan around, taking in Wisely's words, but she found herself unable to feel anything different. Sometimes there was something in her blood, as a wild call coming from her soul, a long and nostalgic thing filling her with unknown longing. Even so, whatever it was, it wasn't enough to indicate an exact localization or to confirm if there was really someone around. Seeing her bothered once and convincing her to tell what was wrong, Samuel had then suggested that the reason, probably, was that she hadn't met another Noah personally since she had waken. The meeting with Tyki Mikk barely counted, once she had been still too weak and worried to realize if she felt something that she could later use as base to be sure if there were other Noah nearby.

Raz had accepted the reasoning for lack of a better one, not that it meant she felt better. Turning her head, she watched Timcampy and Johnny's golem perched above the board, like two birds, the golden tail of Tim waving a little when she looked at him.

"If there is no possible repair" Johnny commented as he inspected a machine of sorts. "I'll ask if we can keep it" None of them replied, but he carried on all the same. "It will be useful if there is a piece we can use!"

Allen didn't fully understand why, but didn't say a thing to this. Johnny, during the dinner when they met, had explained how they didn't intend to take Allen back at all, but his decision in following them in the travels wasn't something Allen deemed sensate. Nevertheless, Johnny had showed to be inflexible, saying that even if they tried to escape, he would just follow.

Lauren had commented there would be no need for this, due to the electrified shackles, patting Allen's back and suggesting he accepted the fact Johnny had come to stay, unaware that it had just made Johnny all the more cheerful.

He hadn't heard her whispering to Allen that, at the slightest signal of trouble, he was to send Timcampy to them, no mattering if he and Raz could deal with Johnny and Kanda alone and also to be on his watch, in case it seemed they were going to try contacting the Order, just in case.

"Just say something already" The samurai in question groaned to Allen, who lifted his shackled arm with such a hard expression his features could be stone hidden under flesh.

"It is always like this with them?" Raz muttered aside to Johnny.

"You haven't seen anything yet" He whispered back, trying to hold back an involuntary shiver when the Noah leaned to his direction, hoping she wouldn't notice. After years hearing about the Millennium Earl and, when the Clan appeared, of their actions in battle and being there during two attacks, he couldn't find a way to deal with his own fear. And somehow, even if she hadn't done anything yet, there was something about her that just created shivers inside his spine.

Allen and Kanda were too engaged in their own battle of glares to pay attention to any of them.

"Why would you put that in me in the first place?" Allen grumbled, to which the dark haired man didn't seem at all impressed or bothered. His only reaction regarding the shackles had been annoyance before what he considered an inconvenience.

"How was I supposed to know it was one more of those ridiculous inventions?". The samurai retorted with a scowl. "And if _you_ weren't trying to escape all the damn time, _I_ wouldn't have to resort to this, _Moyashi"_

"It was in the bag of someone from the Science Department, which alone makes this suspicious enough! No offense" He added to Johnny just a second before going back to the discussion. "But nooo, _Bakanda_ always acts first and thinks later, congratulations!"

"That's rich coming from you…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, do you wish me to use simpler terms that your mind has the capacity to process?"

Raz and Johnny limited themselves to watch as both went on. Raz recalled when Allen played cards… That aura was back and seemed to come into battle with the samurai's.

Johnny knew better than to interfere in those moments and there was something strangely pleasant in seeing Allen and Kanda in a discussion as it had been so frequent back in the Order, aware that even with the growls, threats and offenses, this was normal for those two. And it brought a curious kind of relief that send away part of the weight in his veins. Despite it all, some things remained the same… Even if nothing would ever be back to just how it was before, that vision allowed him to believe that the dawn of peace, in which all that war would lay in the ground as a dead flower, was not impossible.

It couldn't be.

"Excuse me" A fat man with a white mustache approached. "Do you do home services?"

At once Johnny opened a professional smile and stood up, calling for Allen who didn't say a thing as he stood. Raz hesitated for a moment before deciding to follow too and Johnny wasn't sure if this was because she was used to being with Allen, if due to her distrust of him or if she just didn't want to stay with Kanda.

Once alone, Kanda sighed and lifted a sleeve… While the man had been talking to Johnny about the machine, he had felt a hot needle piercing a point of his arm sending shards to every cell, but hadn't said a thing to anyone there.

From the black cross that now marked his arm since the Innocence's evolution, veins stood against the skin as if wanting to tear it open and Kanda almost could see them pulsating. Even now, something in his blood seemed to agitate in a way that he had never felt before… The sensation was curious, coming from inside him and yet, strangely distant. It didn't hurt, but it bothered him.

" _Is it the preliminary state of becoming a Fallen One?"_ He wondered, watching as the veins of his arm near the mark became more noticeable, the cross looking more like a wound. His blood pulsated more, with the strength of a living being caged in veins. Kanda covered his arm, not wanting to look at that anymore.

But why nothing of the sort had happened to anyone of that other group? None of them had become a Fallen One and Johnny had commented that he recalled, a little, that some of them had been considered dead more than five years ago, like Samuel Kallen.

This didn't make any sense.

Kanda glanced coldly at Timcampy upon seeing he was still on the board, the "face" turned to him. As much as the golem had been at the Moyashi's side for so long, Kanda somehow didn't trust the creature… He had never cared for it before but now, he noticed more how different it was from the golems from the Order, which were basically machines… And the fact the Fourteenth had been its master…

"This is quite a beautiful clock" A soft voice commented ahead, cutting his thoughts. "How much is it?"

"Sorry, nothing here is for sale, just repairs" Kanda said quickly. It wouldn't help, with all that was happening, some imbecile tried to steal things just because Kanda was alone.

Timcampy's tail stopped moving.

"What a pity…" The man commented, his eyes lifting behind the glasses that almost reflected the sun. The hem of his long coat reached the floor.

Timcampy stood still. Kanda noticed and suddenly, he knew there was something wrong… It could be impression, but suddenly the man's skin had seemed to shiver as if it had worms underneath…

Or feathers.

"Really a pity"

 **XxX**

Of all works she had done, Alison didn't mind being store clerk, helping around. It was easy for her, relatively tranquil and in cities like this, people often accepted en extra help, even if for just a couple of weeks, especially in touristic seasons.

There were times they needed to leave town when they realized there wouldn't be a job to find (and no news of deaths that could indicate akumas) and if short on money, they went on foot. However, after the years with this sort of living, perhaps some of them had developed a sort of cunning to this and when they didn't find an actual job, sometimes they searched for people who needed help with home chores such as cleaning.

The store she was currently working was a mix of local trinkets that one bought in trips and a candy store. For what the owner told her, she had joined her business with a neighbor a long time ago and that was how the store had became like this. It was nice to work here, too, with a clear room that had a sweet smell.

"There you go, dear" She said with the mechanic smile of who is used to deal with customers all day and leaned to give the little boy the miniature ship, a colorful toy full of details. The father messed his son's hair as he received the exchange and wished her a nice day.

Once they were out, Alison took her seat once more, he bow resting near her feet. The absence of arrows (and a long lie about how this was all she had left of her parents and couldn't bear be parted from it) was all that had convinced the owner to allow Alison to keep the object near, as long as she kept it in the bag and away from customer's eyes.

Resting her arms in the balcony, her thoughts went to the two new men they had met three days ago. Alison didn't know much of them, she tended to stay more in the North American branch than the principal Headquarters and also tended to stay away in missions…

Could they trust those two? The idea of Johnny Gil, someone who had no training in battle, had left all behind to help Allen usually would be enough to warrant her respect, but how could they be sure it wasn't a lie?

" _You trust Allen. And Raz, no matter if she is a Noah or not"_ A voice whispered in her mind, a voice like Irene's. Well, it was different. They had spent weeks with them and even if Raz had confessed her true nature recently, it was like Samuel had said: She would have hurt them already if that was in her plans.

" _So, give them some time too"_ That part of her mind insisted.

And all that story of "Heart", too, that Allen had told them when they met. She had never ever heard of such thing back in the Order… During the time Allen and Raz had traveled to Liverpool, they had talked of this among them and Alison had said this to Samuel, who had held a laugh coming from deep his throat, like a panther's laughter and Elana had threw her a sarcastic expression that wasn't usual for her.

" _Sure, Ali, because the Central"_ The word was spit, every letter filled by despise. You wouldn't hear Elana speaking like this often. " _Always tells everything to everyone."_

To think about the idea of a Heart made her remember Yeegar as well. Even after so long, to learn that he was dead made her full of mourning, especially due to how he had been found and how his body had gave in, too weak to keep itself alive, no longer having any sanity left.

Alison had never forgotten his last words to her. With a sigh, she ran her hand through her grey hair and placed her braid over one of her shoulders, playing with it as she thought.

None of them knew a thing about this Heart or had ever heard of. Samuel had overheard something alike whispered by some of the "big bosses" per say, but hadn't caught the context and in the way they spoke, he had assumed it was just the name of some Innocence and nothing of that importance.

" _There is more to this, any dumbass can see"_

" _And hello Irony, thou art a heartless bitch"_ Lauren had said when they discussed the subject in the room they shared. They had spent years trying to never come in contact with the Order again, letting they believe they were dead and now here they were, as if being pulled to Order's matters _again._

Well, for now there wasn't much to do besides moving on.

" _Why haven't you become Fallen Ones?"_ That Kanda guy had asked. She recalled the sparkle in Lauren's eyes and knew why. The girl, during a time, had investigated the Order by herself before leaving and had found papers regarding the experiments they did, trying to force the synchronization and later, had talked to Hevlaska and demanded the truth and sincerity…

" _Sincerity. Pff"_ The woman thought, faces of the past again coming to her mind as an old poison was renewed, a snake that could sleep, but never be killed. " _I wonder how many from the_ Central _know the_ meaning _of the word"_

 **XxX**

Johnny studied the copy machine with interest.

"It would be nice if there was a piece we could use… But it's nothing, it will take just some minutes here" He told Allen and Raz.

"Why would you want that?" Allen didn't resist his own curiosity. Ever since they had opened this "business", Johnny always asked the costumers to keep whatever that was broken if there was no way of fixing it. Is justification was that they could use the pieces, but Allen wasn't sure it was just that.

"Oh, well…" The other started, not looking away from his work. "I thought I could try making more golems. I don't know if I can, but I can improvise! It will be quite useful to keep in contact, don't you think?"

Seeing his smile, Allan couldn't help feeling something light coming from inside. Johnny had been with them for three days now, but he seemed to have liked Samuel, Alison and the others, as if he was entering the "mood" of belonging to a runaway group.

He had no way of knowing that it wasn't just that. To Johnny, learning that Allen had been with Raz since leaving and that he had met the Exiled a little after had filled him with happiness.

" _That's good, isn't it, Allen? You weren't alone after all, you weren't!"_

Allen limited himself to remain quiet. That Johnny was so determined to stay at his side… Even after being directly hurt by Neah… It made him think about the nights he had caught himself thinking about the Order, in the mornings of the first days when he, sleepy, had almost believed (or hoped) that it had all been a nightmare just so reality would rub itself in is flesh.

And by what he had told… Then Lenalee, Miranda, Krory, Komui, Reever… They still believed in him, still saw him as " _Allen"…_ At the same time this gave him relief, it also renewed how he missed them.

He looked away as Raz spied in the machine. Johnny didn't realize any emotion from her, but Allen could see a childlike curiosity.

Fire invaded his nerves.

The skin in his arm warmed and seemed to melt, creating white feathers.

This time, the sensation was unlike anything he had felt before… No, scratch that, he _knew_ this but it had been months ago…

It was the sensation he had had back that night in the Order.

Apocryphos.

 **XxX**

"Allen is really a good boy" He commented as his essence ran through the Exorcist's mind. "He didn't say a thing about me…" His mouth opened in a smile. "Such a good boy"

He released the Exorcist, who fell in the ground, body too weak after his essence had examined it. He had a curious mind, that one, quite curious… And that hidden devotion, he felt it as veins of blood and emotions pulsating each with a melody of its own, together with the orchestra of the heart beating and other organs working. Beautiful. Not as much as Allen's, but also with a value of its own.

A devotion of another life, strong enough to repeat in this one.

The creature hiding under the human skin turned to the golden golem, his despise irradiating of his flesh and threatening to tear his disguise apart, but he kept the control. He wasn't a merciless being, after all, and as hateful as that decrepit thing was, it should have been a support to Allen in those long months.

Poor, poor Allen… If he had comprehended in their first meeting, he wouldn't have had to go through those lonely months. It wouldn't have been painful and he would be gentle with the boy.

However… It was curious. He had focused his search in Kanda's mind for information regarding Allen and rejected other data, but now he felt as if the boy hadn't been as alone as he thought… Well, no matter now. Allen was too close for him to care for details that he could find out later.

To know that Howard Link was alive, now that was interesting.

"Ah, ah" He warned upon seeing the golem's wings starting to move. A human wouldn't have realized this. "If you fly, I'll keep this compatible as a hostage"

The golem hesitated. The face that was human and at the same time was not, opened in a smile, lips showing white teeth, skin sliding over the muscles and only the eyes were real.

"Sooner or later, I'll absorb Allen" Just the idea sent shivers in his body and filled it with waves of triumph and delight. It was the best way to keep the boy safe and he hoped Allen would understand the honor it was and accept the ritual with the dignity of a true Exorcist. "He is such a gentle person, he wouldn't ever leave a friend behind."

His face was still open in a smile, a wound in the flesh that bleed the pus of despise that he felt for that golden ball. Cross Marian had made it in such a way that it could regenerate alone… But he knew the weakness of this kind of alchemy and construction, and wouldn't miss the chance of get rid of that disgusting parasite.

"If you stay here, I won't lay a finger on Allen today"

The movement of the wings ceased.

 **XxX**

They ran across the streets, Allen's left arm involved in white flames. Unlike before, when Raz had gouged them out, they didn't hurt and weren't Apocryphos' feathers but his own Innocence, reacting to the creature's presence.

He ran and ran, barely feeling his legs and just seeing faceless figures, his mind fixated on the false face and what it hid.

" _Where, where?"_ It was the only word in his mind, not knowing if he was searching Apocryphos to fight it for what he had done or trying to run away. Not once questioning, Raz kept running at his side, guessing what was going on.

"Raz, go back, stay with Johnny!"

"You must be _crazy!"_ The girl hissed back, almost indignant. When Allen would understand he hadn't to do this alone, she had no idea.

"You…" He started but she interrupted, never ceasing running.

"He _is_ Innocence, you said it yourself. How will you face him, if you can't fight with Crown Clown?" Not that _she_ would be much more useful and she knew it. She wasn't as weak as before, but in comparison to the other Noah, Raz doubted she could pose an actual threat, especially against that white nightmare Allen had described.

"TIM!" Allen called, seeing there was no point in discussing with her. "Show us the direction to…"

There was no golden gleam in the sky, no wings or the wave of a tail…

They stopped in a narrow street, eyes searching the sky and finding only the blue and clouds passing lazily by. No sign of Timcampy…

"Where…"

"Tim…" Allen whispered, the uncertainty taking him over. Timcampy… He was always nearby, _always._ He only completely left him when Allen told him to and even so, hesitantly and depending of the situation. That night in China when Allen had told him to take Suman's Innocence away had been an example.

But… But then where he was?

A rustle of clothes following movement called their attention. It didn't come from the fabric in the lines among buildings, kept high so no one at the street could steal them…

It had come from behind them…

"Fourteenth…" A known voice called in a whisper. "Raziah…"

Allen turned, heart stopping and wishing with all his strength that he was wrong. That it wasn't _him,_ let it be his imagination…

Raz felt her blood ceasing in her veins, becoming ice.

At the end of the street, blocking their way, there was the yellow coat Allen knew well… A black top hat adorned by a colorful strap and a huge button in the shape of a smiling face.

The Millennium Earl.

* * *

 **Ana: I don't feel good with posting such a short chapter after I was away for so long, but... There you have it. Think it took me more to write than for you to read...  
**

 **Allen: And ending with cliffhanger. Do you hate your readers?**

 **Ana: What if I promised to update faster if I get more reviews?**

 **Allen: Now you're blackmailing them and people hate it.**

 **Ana: Well, what do you want me to say? I'm a poor girl struggling with college! Hate the college not me!**

 **Kanda: No, I'd rather keep hating you.**

 **Ana: And I thought Apocreep was a bastard.**

 **Kanda: What was that, mangy wolf?**

 **Ana: Nothing, nothing...**

 **NOTE: I'm giving some thought on trying to make a video style "opening" for this fic. What do you guys think?**

 **ZooFan:** _It took a time and it isn't the longest chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway n.n  
_

 **jy24:** _Hi there! Yeah, things are starting to heat up again, finally! Neah was quite shocked to see Raz here with Allen._

 _Neah (possessing Allen): And with reason! This was what I least expected to happen!_

 _Ana: How many times do I have to say? STOP DOING THAT!_

 _Neah: Don't even! I finally appeared on this fic, so I have a right to comment here too! I was shocked to see her with Allen... And yes, while I can understand that she lost her memories, I also know there are things she would have been glad to forget back then..._

 _Ana: Things that she will probably remember. Oh, well._

 _Allen (struggling for control): Just don't tell me he will try killing everyone in their sleep, I wouldn't put this past him! And he did try to murder everyone in the Noah Clan, so I don't think he has a soft spot for Raz! I would sooner believe that Bakanda can have a soft spot for anyone rather than this guy!_

 _Ana: A reviewer did say something about shipping Kanda with Raz..._

 _Neah: I may have tried to kill them, but do you truly believe I would sink this low?_

 _Allen: Have you given anyone here reason to think otherwise?_

 _Alison: You know... Watching this whole "possession" deal can either be a headache or funny as hell._

 _Ana: Yeah, like the "All of Me" movie. Next chapter we finally see a meeting of the Earl and Raz, though it won't have as much talk, since he isn't quite himself now. See you next chapter!  
_


	19. Act Nineteen – Dance of Past and Present

**Note: Remember when I told you this fic was planned during Hoshino's hiatus and that there would be a point where it started to _greatly_ diverge from the manga? This is it.  
**

* * *

" _What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?" –_ Soren Kierkegaard.

 **Act Nineteen – Dance of Past and Present  
**

There was no possible reaction.

Everything wrapped by skin, each nerve or organ, had ceased its existence as if somehow thinking that if they didn't do anything, nothing bad would happen…

The silence that followed held Hell in it. His flesh was stretched out and even if had met the Earl before, Allen found himself frozen in place.

The Earl tilted his head. His glasses reflected the sun, not allowing anyone to search his eyes to get an idea of his mood. His face remained hidden in the mask of an eternal smile.

"You…" Raz's whisper was almost inaudible, more a brush of vocal chords than actual speech. She knew, unsure of how, _who_ that man was. And while she couldn't move at all, there was also another emotion with an intensity she couldn't control or block.

This, more than everything, made her heart feel as if it couldn't beat.

The man slid his hand in his coat, picking a stripped thing. Soon, it was clear he was blowing a balloon up. The sight had everything to be ridiculous and yet their eyes burned, as if the balloon was made of human skin in which there were faces still.

Allen backed away, slowly… He should run, he knew, run… But he knew it in basic level, all true thought leaving his mind.

Raz's hands went for her arms in instinct. Under her shoulders, her nails made a nest in her flesh. Her legs trembled, she wouldn't be able to tell if she wanted to run away from that man… _Or go to him._

A wave of electricity caught Allen and he fell. The shackle still had small sparkles on it.

Distracted by the shock, they only realized the Earl had moved once a shadow fell over them, before they could say or do anything.

"Oh, _look_." A voice sounded cheerfully, of someone playing a game. "I. Got. _You_!"

They jumped at the same time, avoiding the balloon. It hit the ground, not popping, but breaking it. Pieces of bricks flew as bullets, scratching them. The eyes of the Earl's mask seemed to stand out and twirled in opposite directions, out of control.

His attack, however, broke the trance they had been in.

"Neeeah?" The voice called again, sounding like broken crystal. It was enough to make Allen look back, the protest of being called by that name dying in his throat.

"Neah… Raz…" The girl felt a wave of coldness upon hearing him calling her. It sounded familiar, she almost stepped in his direction before realizing it. The Earl held his hand to his chest, almost as if bowing to them. "It's _me…_ Why are you running?"

His mask contorted into something carved by a lunatic. His voice changed the tone in the middle of the words, in a thousand emotions as a prism reflecting the light.

Allen's hand went to his left shoulder, meaning to turn it into his sword. His fingers only found feathers that slipped and twisted between his fingers, soft substance escaping his touch.

" _C'mon, Crown Clown, please…"_

"Don't you… Don't you _recognize me?"_ Scars kept sounding in the man's voice. He attacked as if to grab them, a crack cutting his mask in half.

Shadows rose in his path. Allen and Raz took steps back. Panic rushed the blood, thundering in their ears.

A crystal-like sound, something ripping and, after hesitating with the pressure, the shadows were tore apart.

"Whyyy would you do such a thing, Raaaz?" Despite the ever changing cheerful-sad sound, there was something almost genuine in the question. The girl was caught off guard and, for a moment, the man's eyes met hers.

She _knew_ those eyes.

The Earl came at them once more. Raz avoided his hand the last minute ducking as Allen jumped to the wall at right. The man tilted his head, as if not comprehending what they were doing… Or perhaps any of this.

Allen knew they couldn't pass by him and the street was too narrow… If they could go back, be sure the Earl wouldn't follow…

He stopped for a moment.

And with a laugh or cry, he came at them. For a second, the man seemed to Allen not like an enemy moved by murderous intend, but more like someone trying to hug family members who he hadn't seen in far too long. Strangely enough, wasn't more or less like it?

He jumped over the man's hand, Raz going to the other side in the last minute.

The impact shattered the bricks of the wall.

Shadows made strings around his hands and Raz tried to hold him. At once, she felt awful, putrid inside for attacking that man… And it took all of her focus to ignore the melancholic longing, the wish of coming near the Earl and speak. The shadows became gentler… Even in this state, he would hear, he…

" _NO!"_ Her mind cried as she forced herself to run by him, joining Allen.

The Earl followed close. Allen lifted his arm, a mess of white out of control, but it worked as a shield of sorts. Raz lifted shadows to slow the man down as they turned to run.

" _It is like he's lost all reason!"_ Although the man frequently behaved as if all was a game, this now…

This was very different.

"ALLEN!" A known cry made him turn in the middle of a jump. A crash and broken pieces followed, hitting his back and arms.

"JOHNNY, _RUN!"_ The moment of distraction was fatal. A mass of warmth hit the side of his body against the wall. Pain shot through as his skull met the hard surface.

As his body slid among ruins, he slid to darkness.

"Ne…ah…" The Earl muttered, his hands moving slowly.

Shadows grabbed his neck and pulled back. The same happened to his wrists.

The mask had opened in the center like a jigsaw piece. It was possible to see the figure of a face and a shining golden eye.

Raz stood in front of Allen as Johnny ran to the boy, trying to lift him by placing his arm on his shoulder.

A golden eye pierced stone blue eyes.

He forced against the shadows, moving his arm. Raz felt it through her nerves and shadows. Strong, too strong. He lifted a hand slowly, shivering…

"Raz…"

He tried to speak gently, the effect ruined by his voice, his smile...

"Raz... _It's me…"_ He reached his hand out to her, as though she was a little animal he didn't want to scare away. "Please… Don't be afraid…"

Her whole being was ripped apart.

Wait.

Go.

Stay.

 _Run_.

Whips came to the Earl's arms, pulling down. The thorns that they had, however, retracted in the last instant as Raz realized she couldn't bring herself to harm him.

" _What am I_ DOING?" She took off, helping Johnny, wishing she wasn't being useful now due to being _weak_ and not due to her _feelings._ As confident as she was in her decision, everything seemed so twisted, so _senseless. "Don't be stupid, go!"_

She looked back as she ran. Through the scar in his mask, there was the figure of a face, features unseen but for the golden eyes. Among the gleam of madness, there was something else… Like he barely knew what he was doing…

The golden gleamed and bleed…

The Earl was _crying._

Shadows held his face, blinding him. Johnny and Raz avoided when the man instinctively tried to hold them. They ran, Allen still unconscious, blood staining threads of his hair.

The Earl hit a wall. Stones rained in their backs. Johnny felt a slice of pain in his back, under his free shoulder. Raz threw shards of shadows behind, but her concentration was unbalanced and some faded. Even the ones that remained didn't cause more than scratches.

Allen groaned.

"G-Go… Stay… Away… Me…" His tongue barely worked the words.

"NO!" Johnny replied, blood rushing more than the body could keep up, holding Allen tighter and trying to stand. "I-I can't… We'll _all_ go together!"

Raz felt the blood on her leg, the bones protesting when she kept moving, turning her head and trying to command the shadows to grab the man once more. He didn't seem to notice, his eyes stabbing the three of them.

Throat closed, Johnny looked back. He wanted to beg, even if he knew it would be useless. He wanted to show how Allen was hurt, showing the Noah Patriarch what he was doing and making him stop…

Useless, he knew.

However, seeing Johnny carrying Allen, Raz at his side, a memory tore apart the Millennium Earl's mind…

" _I'm sorry, forgive me, Neah…"_ Oh, yes, he remembered. _That person_ had begged forgiveness when it was too late, the same way _he_ had done. But what use was there to apologize? Neah was dead… Dead like all others… Because of… Because…

That human of now was trying to take Neah ( _Neah? Allen?)_ away _._

Take ( _Neah? Allen?)_ and Raz _away_

 _Take them away, away from him_ …

"Who… Are you?" The question escaped his throat. The human either didn't listen or ignored him, one of the arms of the white haired child over his shoulder, trying to go on even with the weight, helped by Raz…

"E-Earl…" The human turned his face, but it was someone else the Earl saw. "Please… Please, stop…" It was the man who said it or the memory that took over his mind and the place of the present?

Raz… Dear Raz… The shadows in his arms held him even if he was still in the moment. Though she would have been able to use them to try piercing him, Raz seemed unable to force herself to do so… Among memories that overlapped, he also recalled her, speaking to Neah and the others during dinner, or sitting near Neah as he played, that other person still there…

That person.

That person, that man begging as he held Neah.

Memory and reality became one.

"WHOOO AREEE YOOOOOU?" He roared, hitting and sending the human away from Neah. The hand of his armor/costume pushed the shadows and he felt thorns before forcing the shield to break, the impact sending everything away, including the girl.

Allen, coming back to the world, stood with his arm in defense at Raz's side, who started to stand, dizzy, the blood of her wounds smeared against the skin.

A lightening that only existed in the mind cut Allen Walker and the Millennium Earl, Adam, from inside out their skulls. Suddenly, all around disappeared in the intensity of a memory that didn't belong to one and the other would give all to forget.

A girl of spiky hair held a man of long hair… Road… Road, staring furiously as she held Mana's head in a gesture that one couldn't tell if of protection or hate… In front of her, a figure of messy hair evaluated the scene with a cold expression… Neah…

Then a field bloomed in the eyes of the Innocence Accommodator and the Noah Patriarch… A beautiful place, plants (wheat? Flowers? He couldn't see for sure) reaching the knees of a tall man in a long coat… The same man Road had been holding… His eyes had just sadness as if they hadn't known anything else…

"M… Mother?" He asked or the wind whispered?

A twisted tree that seemed to reach out to the skies. A large known figure in a coat. As the other man approached, he managed to see a woman with a trail of blood coming from her mouth…

She wore an old times dressed of many folds, the dark and long hair still shivering in the wind with the illusion of life. Her eyes were glassy, no conscience or gleam. If the blood, of a painful red, wasn't enough then the eyes would be enough…

She was dead.

The realization caused an unbearable pain and all color of the world came down to that blood…

The large man half-turned, his face a mask whose smile could be of happiness, insanity or hate. The first man, Mana, had tears escaping his eyes and he didn't seem to realize he was crying.

"Now, everything is back to how it was before…" The Earl muttered in a tone none could decipher. "Mana D. Campbell…"

Among the vision, where the separated minds still had freedom of thought, both felt confused to this name. That face was known by a different name to one and the other, despite realizing the existent connection, hadn't dedicated thought to it, too caught up in other matters.

"This is all your fault"

The Earl's voice was a whisper. It would have been better if he yelled… He stood there, never moving.

"You caused this tragedy…"

Reality cut the memory, slipping in a crack and spreading.

"MANA!" Allen cried out, lifting his head. He hadn't even realized he had fallen and Raz was at his side, pulling him up and back to where Johnny was, but Allen's catatonic state had turned his body into stone. He struggled free of her and turned, seeing the Earl rubbing his face, also surprised by the vision.

"What the _shit_ was that?" Allen whispered to himself. In the broken floor and dust, he saw a small thing shining… One of the buttons of the Earl's coat, probably ripped off in the fight… Not thinking in what he did, Allen picked the golden circle with lines carved. All he could think was what he had seen.

Mana. That woman, that beautiful woman, with blood coming down her chin.

"Mother… Mana…"

"Allen, let's go!" Raz tried to call him as she fought the nerve-freezing dread herself. He shook his head, unable to think, trying to clear the mind. Johnny groaned, starting to come back to his senses.

"Now… That was like a memory…" Allen muttered, straightening himself. No, it _had_ been a memory. How and why, he didn't know or cared. Feeling the blood in his legs again, he started to back away, but the Earl was up once more too.

"You are… Yes, I understand now… You are _Mana's"_ He muttered to himself. The way he said the name called Allen's attention. He had never heard the Earl speaking in that tone. "Ma… Mana… I remember, oh, yes I do…"

His voice whipped the air.

"MANA IS THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS!"

Allen forgot all around him, unable to look away.

"Mana is the one to blame for this tragedy… He ruined everything, _everything!_ Mana _Walker"_ The Earl spit the word with a chuckle and his voice tied Allen. There were different emotions in the Earl's voice, who chuckled again. "Mana _Walker?_ No, oh, no, no, right? No… _Mana D. Campbell!"_

Something sliced Raz inside.

D…

D. Campbell…

 _Mana D. Campbell…_

But… She had known Mana to be Allen's father, Neah's brother, so why… But it was there, coming from the depths of past and a part of her asked how _couldn't she have realized…_ Yes, Mana and Neah D. Campbell, Mana had long hair and Neah's was shorter… There had been this time they had speaking, but the words no longer existed in her mind…

"How can you say that?!" Allen growled to the Earl, who looked at him as if only now he recalled where they were. His golden eyes ran from Allen to Raz, his mask almost giving in… Allen could see the figure of a face…

Then the mask closed, with the perfection of a jigsaw. Eyes that before twisted out of the sockets came back to normal and the Earl straightened his glasses. Still, the voice kept shivering in cadence.

Allen's arm was back to normal, the feathers melting in the skin and calming down, but he didn't seem to realize it.

"How? You ask me _how?"_ Allen noticed something. Between the oscillation, he caught something beyond fury or insanity or hate in his words. "Because it is the _truth,_ Neah… No… _Allen Walker._ Mana caused all this! You can thank _him_ for us being here now!"

Allen and Raz alike knew they should take the effect of whatever the Earl was going all about to run away, but neither could move from the temptation of answers of a past one didn't know and the other didn't remember.

" _Mana? The one who caused all this was Neah!"_ Allen wanted to cry in reply. Neah had been the one who killed the Clan (no matter the reasons), of that was what the Earl talked about. And who made the akumas was the _Earl._

The true responsible for all of that… Was standing in front of Allen.

Raz felt her own mind, fishes in a lake and that dived too deep when she tried to told them.

Still, she could see Neah and Mana's faces now and how could she have been so _stupid_ and not comprehend that she _had known Allen's adoptive father…_

" _Walker… Of course he would use this name…"_ She thought, unsure of why (it had the sensation of a private thing, only understood by the involved as a secret), when she felt someone holding her wrist and breaking thought. Johnny Gil fought to stand, looking at her with a mix of worry and dread, eyes going from her to Allen and the Earl.

" _Come on"_ He whispered, indicating Allen with his eyes. "The Innocence is back to normal. Now. While we can"

It was as if Raz realized it only after he spoke.

There was no victory to be won here.

There was only loss of freedom they had kept until now.

Answers weren't that worthy.

Slow, she approached Allen, watching for the Earl as she held his wrist, pretending she was trying to hide behind her friend as Johnny still held her. Raz couldn't use her shadows like Allen used the Clown Belt, but she could help with an impulse.

The Earl, staring at Allen, didn't seem to notice it.

"Mana D. Campbell was Mana Walker, of course…" He could be speaking to himself and stepped closer to them. The insanity released as a pus-filled wound was hidden once more, and yet he caused shivers.

Someone was approaching. Allen and Raz heard a voice they had heard before in their minds.

"Oh, would you take a look at this _mess_?"

" _Roof"_ Raz whispered to Allen's ear, covered by the mutterings of the Noah Patriarch. Waking up, Allen looked from her to Johnny, feeling shadows under his feet waving and held her. Raz had a second to hold on Johnny's arm whose hand pressed her flesh in answer. The Innocence wrapped them in a white hurricane that threw them on the air as a strap held on a firm place on a roof. Shadows came from the floor as demons and pushing them up for impulse.

As they went up, two figures stood near the Earl.

"Don't you two ever think about stopping and _talking?"_ A man of grey skin and white hair raised his voice as he saw them escaping.

"Talking, perhaps playing cards, recall the past?" Tyki's voice followed them as a snake and after a second, there was a laugh from Wisely.

" _Or who knows, speak about your friend? Redheaded, green eye, now what was his name again? The brat Book-boy and the old geezer…"_ His voice pierced the minds of Allen and Raz once more. The boy seemed about to turn back, being held by Johnny who forced him to start running.

"No"

"But…"

Johnny hadn't heard the Noah's voice, but he knew better and Allen understood there was no choice. Yet, it couldn't be… Lavi? _Captured_? Johnny had told him about it, but there hadn't been confirmations and he hadn't expected to hear the _Noah_ saying so.

He bit the flesh in his mouth. It was the deal with the Third all over, when the Earl promised to stop the transformation of Tokusa and the others if he joined them… And Fo's words came back as well. Saving someone wasn't simple.

" _They are still alive…"_ The Noah went on in conversational tone, though feeling the boy's mind. " _Bookman know some details of the Fourteenth. See how he never told any of you, even if they kept acting as your comr…"_

" _BE QUIET! DO NOT TOUCH OUR MINDS AGAIN OR I SWEAR TO_ GOD _I'LL BREAK YOUR APART FROM INSIDE OUT!"_ Raz's voice echoed in Allen's mind as well, giving birth to dread in each nerve. _Never_ had he heard her sounding like this. It sounded more as if the worst blizzard, constant and implacable, suddenly had gained voice of its own after silencing so many others. She had the grey skin and golden eyes, but Allen doubted she had noticed her own change.

There was a second of silence. Wisely sighed.

" _I'm just informing Walker of it, Raz, that's all."_ They felt a kind of smile coming from the Noah, with warmth and care, which was more disturbing than comforting. " _You reacted more or less like this the first time I used telepathy with you… Actually, you were even more_ bothered _than this, but then again…"_

There was a curious sensation then, almost of something that could be an attempt of comfort, not unlike someone pulling a friend to his arms and petting his back or head. Then the connection that Wisely had created closed, to the relief of both. Johnny had noticed their silence, but was too caught up in not fall as they ran over the roofs, aware he could make questions later.

Back in the ruined street, Wisely turned to the Earl.

"Is that really alright? To just let them leave?" It wasn't something they would do normally.

The Earl looked at the direction the three had left and started to clean his coat of the dust. To feel Neah like that had pierced old mental corners he had thought he had under control. Raz's presence, someone who he had believed to be dead since years, and Apocryphos being nearby… It all had made a force that pressed a critical point and shattered his control.

The vision of now, that memory, wasn't of any help.

He had waited so long to see those two again and now, this had ruined all…

However, now that the was thinking about it, he had been silly in not reflecting more on the subject and realize in a more conscious level that Mana D. Campbell and Mana Walker were the same person and the implications of such fact. However, he had always believed that Mana changed _his entire_ name as he ran (in one of the few occasions he had met him, he was under the name Alex Willow) and Mana wasn't a _rare_ first name…

Honestly, by the time he had met Allen, he believed Mana D. Campbell to be already dead…

Allen Walker, son of Mana D. Campbell… Curious how certain things happened. Had Mana known the boy was Neah's host? Not even he had felt so when first meeting him and Mana had been just human, shouldn't be able to feel such things, but then again, he was Neah's brother…

" _Brothers. Twins…"_ The words echoed in him and, regarding those two, ringed with sadness…

"Let them go today" He decided, thought reluctantly as he straightened his coat. It was rumpled and dirty and as he hit in one of the sleeves to get free of fragments of brick, he almost could feel the sensation of Raz's shadows holding him. Now, with his mind a bit clearer, he realized she had hesitated…

She had forgotten all, but there were memories that lived in blood. This was some sort of comfort… Despite standing up against him (well, it was forgivable due to her state and how she was protecting Walker, who was technically a Noah as well), he knew she had been afraid.

" _Well, it didn't go at all like I had planed"_ The Millennium Earl was aware part of this was his fault and how his excitement had broken his control. Damn. Taking a breath, he reflected about what they should do now.

"Any message from Jasdevi?"

The white haired Noah shook his head.

"Fiidora says he hasn't received any report" Tyki told, sounding disappointed with how things were going too and how the boy and the girl had escaped. He also wondered what exactly had happened: The street looked like it had been hit by a hurricane.

"I don't believe that rotten Innocence will be caught so easily" The Patriarch went on, thoughtful. Innocences were hateful, but Apocryphos was a true curse and also a league of his own. "But if we manage to hurt him, at least a little, we may have a clue of who the Heart is… They are our true targets"

 **XxX**

Kanda's head throbbed and he floated in his own thoughts as his brain made its way back to reality. He was lying in a no end street, without having an actual idea of how it had happened… His mind felt empty until the memories started to come back.

What had exactly happened?

He was on his way to… To… He had been going somewhere, right?

Yes. The others, the Moyashi and Gil had seen the marks on his arms and concluded it had been an initial state of the transformation into a Fallen One.

" _You're an Accommodator of Innocence, you can't stay away from the Order"_

True, true… And he… Oh, it was logic, wasn't it? The Moyashi and Johnny hadn't wanted that to happen, but… To know that the brat was fine hadn't been enough? Hadn't that been why he had decided to go back to the Order to get Mugen?

He felt an itch in his arm, under his flesh.

" _That's for your own good"_

Of course, the stupid Moyashi would say something like that, the moron. Kanda knew they were right and had ended up agreeing, saying his farewells… Heh… He had never thought that someday he would think the Moyashi was right. Not that he would ever admit this out loud.

" _Well, I escorted Johnny to him safely, I did what I wanted. That idiot needs someone like Johnny with him anyway"_ There were some people ahead, but Kanda wasn't interested in them. However, this thought of his just now felt weird… It was as if he was leaving something behind.

" _No, no, I haven't forgotten anything. I fainted, that's all"_ Probably. He better hurry up before the transformation went too far. A wave of warmth came through his body, running in his marked arm, as if to emphasize this.

Still dizzy of losing his senses, he almost felt there was something more among this sensation, but it was distant and weird. He ignored.

Besides, at least he had been sincere. He had told Allen Walker what he had meant to…

" _Thanks Kanda… Please, watch over the Order for me"_ He hadn't been at all surprised with this answer. What else would that idiot say, anyway?

He didn't want to go back, he…

But it was a request from him and Kanda had to be back anyway if he wanted to prevent the transformation. And at least now the Moyashi would be better, with someone who believed him, he would… No, wait, why he kept feeling that there was something missing?

He felt it in the corner of his brain…

What was missing?

His blood pulsated more this time, shaking him as some child holding the parent's clothing hem for attention. A voice broke his concentration.

"You let Mugen on the street, Kanda"

It was Tiedoll.

The man studied him with an unlikely serious expression as he started talking about how Lenalee and Marie could be placed under watch due to him having left without permission and just talking to them briefly. Kanda stopped listening slowly, the memories of saying goodbye to Johnny and the Moyashi becoming a jelly-like veil, too cold in his mind…

The warmth of his blood went to his brain.

 _There was something more!_

And what was false melted in a needle of flames.

He _hadn't_ said goodbye to them.

He hadn't even told them about his arm.

And the _Noah,_ that was what he had forgotten, the _Noah was with them_ and the Moyashi had found people who had ran away from the Order! The fake memory had felt weird because it had the sensation of total unawareness of them, as if he didn't know them.

His eyes shivered with the nerves connecting them to the right place in the sockets, something pushing among flesh and blood and eye… There was no pain, but it felt disgusting. The seal also agitated his metabolism, as to heal a wound…

But what it was healing…

Then he understood. His body was pushing away a false memory, created by that white long thing coming out of his eyes… The pain of before, of that white thing wrapping his brain as a membrane, adjusting to the spaces…

He knew it.

" _This sensation… That man with glasses… He IS Innocence?"_ This didn't make any sense, yet there was no mistaking. He knew it from the time the Central tried to force the synchronization.

" _LEAVE ALLEN TO ME AND RETURN TO THE ORDER!"_ The voice ordered as it implanted that memory, with a voice that wasn't human. Controlling himself to not say anything, ignoring Tiedoll, Kanda turned to look at the street… The golden golem had been with him, but…

Then he saw. A small pile of black shards, as if carbonized… He still could make out the shape of the tail and one of the wings of Timcampy.

He wasn't regenerating.

" _Shit, such a thing and right now…"_ He picked the pieces, careful to not miss any and quickly shoved them in his pocket before standing when Tiedoll approached asking if he was okay.

Kanda grabbed his collar.

Someone screamed about a squad having found a street in ruins, the chance of it being due to akumas or Noah.

" _Fuck, now this? Damn it all to Hell!"_ The samurai cursed. Now that he had been found, he had the option of trying to escape by force or trying to evaluate the other routes he had. Without Timcampy, he couldn't find the Moyashi as easily… Sure he could be back to the inn. They still had the golem Johnny had, altered so the Order couldn't use it to follow them.

Despite the assault, Tiedoll laughed.

"You really haven't changed a thing, since you were a child!" He released himself, straightening his collar. That wasn't the reaction he had expected, much less when Tiedoll smiled. "It is good to see you again… Welcome back"

Indeed, Kanda hadn't met the General since months ago, even when he had gone back to the Order, he hadn't met him.

"It may seem like I'm on a mission to capture you Kanda. But… Know what?" He continued as if it was a harmless subject, of no worries. "My true intention is to protect my pupil. And for the looks of things…" He lowered his voice, his eyes behind the glasses with a twinkle that was more of a chess player than of the "kind, grandfatherly master" people took him for. "You're involved in something quite risky, up to your neck on it."

At those words, the samurai took a deep breath as he thought about his next actions. If he managed to convince Tiedoll to pretend he hadn't seen him and give some excuse to the Central, very well, otherwise he would have to leave him unconscious. Problem was, then it would be clear someone had attacked him and it wouldn't be believable that it had been a Noah or akuma since they wouldn't have left the General alive.

Yet, he hadn't spent weeks after that white-haired _dunce_ just to leave him after three days.

Tiedoll scratched the beard, not showing what he truly thought of it before sighing.

"Kanda… This isn't going to work. And you know it. The Central lost all trust in you and you can imagine the punishment they may force you to, before "forgiving you", can't you?" The term was pronounced with some irony and quotations as both knew that Kanda, with his deep hatred for the Organization, couldn't care less in being forgiven by them, as a dog being punished by a master. "They won't buy any excuse and the Crow that were with me probably have informed them already that we found you…"

He knew what this meant.

There was no escape, no without the Order knowing he had been found.

They exchanged glances.

"I'll help you in any way I can, but I have a condition of my own…" He didn't wait. "You need to show loyalty to the Central. So, you need to become a General"

Kanda didn't believe what he had just heard.

Just the idea was so stupid that he would have considered it a poor attempt of being funny, if it wasn't for how Tiedoll, clearly, was being serious. Loyalty to the Order? Be a General?

 _Fuck. That._

Tiedoll could imagine that his synchronization had reached a higher level than the Central knew, but couldn't he get in his head that he hated the Organization?

"Or… Don't you have determination enough to try entering the nucleus of the Black Order that you hate so much?" Tiedoll kept the conversational tone, while this is really the opposite. But he would rather provoke Kanda to make him understand… The Central wasn't stupid, he and Lenalee were until now the only Exorcists with Innocence that had evolved to Crystal type.

Not only that, they had no conditions of sacrificing or rejecting an Exorcist, let alone one of Kanda's caliber. If it wasn't for this (and if Kanda had crossed the lines the Central was willing to overlook back when he was a member) Tiedoll had a good idea of what they might decide to do.

Yet, they could still decide to do something and Kanda would be placed under observation.

And Tiedoll had always been protective of the members of his units, his pupils.

Kanda reflected his opportunities ahead, evaluating which would be more lucrative in the long run.

"Very well…" He said, raising his head. "But there is something I need to do"

 **XxX**

"You should have come to tell us _at once!"_ Samuel hissed, though there was no need to speak quietly when the store's door was closed and in the moment, there were no one there except them. At his side, Alison had her arms crossed and didn't seem at all pleased either. She kept still and not for shock at what he had told them, but rather out of being at the edge of her control: Her wish was to go out in search of Allen and Raz.

"There was no time" Kanda replied without a care, starting to grow impatient. From where they were, Tiedoll couldn't see them and also looked distracted, standing outside the door and looking around, probably picking details of the city he wanted to draw later once he had some time.

"And you even brought _him_ here, what if he sees us?" Alison hissed between teeth, as if it was taking all of her control to not yell or worse, referring to the General outside. It didn't matter that she had never spoken to him or truly knew him, the only point was that he was of the Order.

That was enough.

Samuel had heard some comments of Cross regarding Tiedoll. While he seemed to be of a nice character, this didn't make a difference in the whole context. His whole body felt tense.

"And do you think I convinced him to stay outside for what?" Kanda asked in the same tone, searching his pocket to make sure there were no pieces remaining and stretched a small bag to Alison. It was a transparent bag, with only the store's name in a flourish blue writing. He had picked upon coming in and while it was meant for candies, he had used it to place all black pieces.

The young woman received it delicately, seeing the fragments. Her face softened a little… Some seconds ago, as Kanda filled the bag, he had told what those pieces were…

"Is… Is that really…?" She asked still quietly, though her voice had lost the edge of angry.

"Yes"

" _How will I_ tell _this to Allen?"_ Worry mixed with sadness in her, unable to even think how she would do so. She had never cared for the golems, pieces of machine they were, but it had just taken few days to see that Tim was different and also to see how Allen liked him…

For what Kanda had told them (as summarized as he could to not risk Tiedoll getting curious) he had found him as such. Could it be someone from the Order who had come with the General, like the Crows? An akuma? Both options were awful… But… _Why?_

What would be the purpose?

Three days again, after the Noah's attack, Allen had suggested they left, but she and the others had insisted in staying for just a week more… This was a decision Alison now fully regretted.

Wanting to finish that before Tiedoll decided to come in, Kanda carried on.

"Johnny showed me what he did with his golem so the Order couldn't track it, including the info. Once I'm back there, I'll do it with one and keep it". On another occasion, he wouldn't have even _cared_ about something like this, but he knew they would need a way to communicate. Plus, he had to tell the idiot Moyashi about that man of glasses that had tried to mess up his mind.

Samuel's eyes narrowed and Alison looked at him as if she hadn't heard.

"Go _back?"_

"What are you _talking_ about?"

Among the things Kanda _hated_ one of them was explaining, so he rolled his eyes with a groan.

"I can't tell everything now, but it's not like I have much choice. Talk to the Moyashi, then I'll get in contact when it's safe" He saw how Alison's green eyes studied him. If they didn't believe him, that was their problem.

"I won't say anything about you, don't be _stupid"_ A part of him would have liked of being able to put that moment away, not having to go back to that place, but it was better to end this soon, so he gave his back to them.

"Take care, Kanda…" Samuel muttered as he watched the man leaving. He had come by to check how Alison was doing in her job when she had seen, through the window, some men with the Order's clothing. They had at once hid behind a wall in the store until Kanda had came in, starting to tell them about how Timcampy had been destroyed and was now saying he needed to be back to the Order…

His black eyes went to the little bag that Alison held in her hands (though it was small enough to be held in one). No matter how he looked, Timcampy didn't seem to have been destroyed in what one could call "normal" way.

"Ready?" Tiedoll asked, seeing Kanda leaving. With the corner of his eyes, he spied the window of the showcase with some toys and trinkets, getting a glimpse of a definitely feminine figure in the end of the store, unable to see anything but a long grey braid.

"Oh, Kanda! Did you get a _girlfriend?"_

Both knew that, if it had been anyone else saying so and under different circumstances, the answer would be a well-placed stab of Mugen, but the samurai just rolled his eyes.

"Try to not say so much nonsense. I owned money here, that's all"

 **XxX**

Johnny and Raz watched carefully each direction they took as they came down the roof, almost being seen by a group of people that seemed from the Central on their way back to the Inn.

As soon as they got there, Johnny had sent his golem to call the others with a message, as they divided their time now by packing up their things and taking care of the wounds. The pieces of concrete and brick had hit them several times, some cutting skin, not to mention that they were exhausted. Allen had a nasty wound in his head and the shoulder of when the Earl had hit him against a wall. Raz had a cut on her leg and back and Johnny also had cuts. All of them already had bruises in formation.

Johnny wasn't as used to it as Raz and Allen (not that anyone actually got used to this, of course), but he didn't say anything, just smiled as he helped.

A bang sounded like a shot as the door was slammed open, revealing a panting Elana, with her blonde hair messed and pale as a ghost. Her eyes ran over each of them, inspecting also the room as if trying to make sure all was in place. The way her honey eyes sharpened in the usual kind face made them almost yellowish.

"Elana…" Allen started carefully, sure that the girl (like the others) hadn't liked to know that the Agents of the Central were in town and that the Earl himself had attacked. The blonde raised her hand, index finger up in a clear signal that he should be quiet.

"You… _Insane…_ I should… You…" She barely could speak and seemed about to hit someone. It didn't matter if it would be Allen, Raz, Johnny, the three of them or anyone else. "Lauren went to fetch Samuel… But _honestly!"_

Her eyes weighted on the three of them like fires from hell.

"You all better tell me _exactly_ what happened, _do you understand_?" The woman hissed as she went to help packing up, never stopping staring at them and Allen felt a little shiver… He had never seen her so _angry._ He almost felt like a child being lectured by his mother (not that he knew the sensation). He gave a side look to Raz, who had been very quiet after mentally screaming at Wisely… Now, back to a human appearance, she was folding a coat and when Elana stared at her, her eyes went to the floor in child-like shame…

Allen wondered how meeting the Earl had been to her.

In the moment, Allen wasn't at all worried in finding his old circus or the threat of the Noah… Even Apocryphos, though a serious matter, wasn't the focus of his worries.

If what Wisely had said was true, Lavi was still alive and with them, along with Bookman… He approached Raz, muttering quietly as Johnny tried to explain what had happened to Elana and how they hadn't had time to call on them, especially since Timcampy had disappeared.

She looked strictly at him as she heard.

"Do you think Wisely was lying?"

Raz turned to him, not answering at once.

"I… I don't know… But I don't think so" She pushed a clothing in the backpack, sighing. "I don't know, but… It's not just that I feel he isn't, but… Something in the way his telepathic powers work…"

Allen thought he understood. There was something in that weird channel through which words slithered to their minds that made him feel like the Noah hadn't been saying anything close to a lie.

" _Perhaps… Perhaps that's it. It's a_ mental _communication, how can you lie in your own thoughts?"_ You could _imagine_ a lie, form it with words, but the brain knew it was that: A lie.

In any case, Allen was sure of one thing.

He wouldn't just forsake Lavi and Bookman to their own fate.

* * *

 **Ana: Well, I'm not sure if people will either like or dislike this.  
**

 **Kanda: Dislike.**

 **Lavi: Hey, I like it. It means I'm finally going to appear here?**

 **Ana: But you did appear already...**

 **Lavi: A cameo to show I was in a world made of nothing but pain and agony? Geez, thank you...**

 **Ana: ... Details.**

 **Tyki: Can we please stop letting the boy escape? That was stupid! They were right there.**

 **Ana: They escaped, emotional shock from the Earl and you were more interested in using them as bait, anyway.**

 **Earl: Sorry, dear, those excuses are quite dumb.**

 **Ana: ... Do check my deviantart account, guys, there are some pics of this fic and others. And remember, reviews means a lot to me, I wonder what the readers think will happen (or hope it will happen). Critiques are also welcome!**

 **Kanda: She isn't really a smooth or subtle one, is she?**

 **Lavi: Lost cause.**

 _ **ZooFan:** Huh... Because they are fun if you're the one writing them? ^^''_

 _Lavi: It's because she isn't a nice person, that's why._

 _Ana: Hey! I_ am _nice! I swear!_

 ** _jy24:_** _Yeah, not really what happened here... As I said, this is the part where things will have nothing to do with what happens now in the manga. Sorry. I hope it will still be good, though._

 _Neah: I didn't like. It would be way better if I had taken Allen over with Raz there._

 _Raz: No, it wouldn't._

 _Neah: Yes, it would._

 _Raz: No, it wouldn't._

 _Ana: ... No comments. Again, I hope you liked it even if it wasn't what you expected._


	20. Act Twenty – Remains of Hope

" _Trust dies but mistrust blossoms_ _" -_ Sophocles.

 **Act Twenty – Remains of Hope**

There are some events that, as much as they can't be denied, can take a while to be processed as if the human mind, in an attempt of self protection, blocks the comprehension and as such, rejects that the event in question may be part of an acceptable concept.

That was more or less how Allen felt looking at the little transparent bag that Alison had given him.

"Kanda gave it to me…" The girl muttered, fighting to not lower her gaze. She had never minded Timcampy much, he was just "around"… However now that she had had to hand it's remains over to Allen and tell him of what had happened, for the first time she realized that Tim hadn't been just a golem and it was a needle in her being, as realizations that come too late are. The words got stuck on her throat and she had to force herself to say "He… He said he found Tim like that…"

A shake of her head.

"He didn't know what happened…"

Allen still didn't answer.

He just stood there, looking to the transparent bag of black shards.

Then, as slow as a dream, he reached out. His fingers wrapped around the bag with nothing but gentleness, feeling the edges of the fragments so small and that, despite hard, held a sort of fragility to them, not unlike bones of a baby bird…

His stomach turned at the touch, yet he didn't let go… Perhaps the thought of bones wasn't unfitting… He had never truly understood Timcampy completely. He changed sizes and ate (despite not truly needing nutrients as far as Allen was aware) and his behavior had always been more like that of a living being than the amount of gears and screws that were the golems of the Order.

"I'm sorry… I really am" Alison muttered in a whisper, hating the uselessness of the words. She always did.

Allen remained in silence, the black shards in his hand before he held it close to his heart, almost as if he wanted to hide them from the world.

There was a warm touch in his shoulder. His nerves knew this hand, knew this touch and the flesh underneath relaxed a little, aware it was Raz in a clumsy attempt of comfort and neither of them had need of exchanging glances to share the loss or to communicate what lurked in their hearts.

Taking a deep breath, he looked to Alison and Samuel with a weak nod of gratitude as his fingers closed more around the bag as if wishing his touch, somehow, would help the little creature to regenerate.

" _The Master would know what to do…"_ The thought came out of control. And it was true, Cross _would have known_ how to fix Tim, right?

It was one of the rare occasions when he wished he knew where Cross was or how to get in touch… If at least he were still alive…

"Did… Did Kanda say _why_ he was going back to the Order?" Lauren asked with a small voice, not knowing for sure how to act or make questions with the current atmosphere, thought the answer was obvious. Yet, she wanted to go on with the subject (any subject) as they left the room, paying attention to anyone who might look like someone from the Order or of the Noah Clan.

"No, but there was a General. Tiedoll" Samuel told them. "According to Kanda, he had no choice" He couldn't say he believed that or not, even if the samurai up until now had given a vibe of… Well, he wasn't sure if "loyalty" or "friendship" were the exact terms, but Kanda at least hadn't given him the impression of being someone who would denounce Allen to the Order. Or them, for that matter. On another hand, one didn't spend years hiding from the Organization and just gladly accepted that someone who knew about them was going back there.

As if aware of his thoughts, and of how unpleasant the news were, Johnny said.

"Kanda won't tell anything to anyone" He knew that, in Allen's case, that wasn't all that made the bitterness of the news: Allen had wished too much for Kanda to be free and now the samurai was going back anyway. It made everything regarding his escape and Alma feel empty of any value… "And he did say he would get in touch, right?" His own golem was inside his coat to not draw attention and he had taught Kanda about the frequencies and what had been done to the golem during the days they had been searching for Allen and Kanda had asked about it out of boredom.

"What's the plan now?" He asked as they left the inn, Raz and Alison watching the streets pretending they were searching for directions. People passed by muttering among them about explosions and destructions, many seeming nervous.

No sight of anyone that resembled a member from the Order.

" _Calm city"_ Samuel reflected. " _We see it right away. They are not used to violence. Or if they are, perhaps stealing and robbery, but not the extremes like murders, let alone monsters and I don't know what else"_ Not for the first time, he felt somewhat saddened. Once, when he was younger and knew less of the gears of war, he had commented that he hoped to live enough to see the peace he hoped for becoming a reality.

Cross had chuckled.

" _You talk as if we were heroes of a story. Don't kid yourself, Kallen"_ The red haired had said lifting a glass of a wine, the young woman at his side rolling her eyes. Back then, Samuel had thought this had been due to what Cross had said, but afterwards he came to understand that it was more due to _how_ it was spoken, a little dramatic. " _It doesn't matter what side we are, in the end we also bring nothing but destruction."_ That day, Samuel hadn't understood what the man that would become his friend had said… Today, it was easier for him to see from his point of view. Yes, they were protecting humans. But even so, there were times when innocents got hurt. And well, no matter the objective, their acts were destructive all the same…

And if they didn't do anything, people still ended up hurt. In summary, it was all a whirlpool of violence, affecting them and people who had nothing to do with it all the same. Perhaps the better term would be a spiral.

"I… I don't know" Allen muttered, noticing they were all looking at him with something that wasn't too far from expectation and blinked. "What?"

Alison rolled her eyes, scoffing a laugh and Elana smiled gently.

"I thought you would try to save your friend?" Innocent question, but it made Allen's shoulders fall a little. "Oh, _honestly_ , Allen…" It was too clear that this was what he wanted to do and you couldn't even pin this in his nature (thought it was). It was what friends did, actually.

They followed through the busier streets, concluding that members of the Order could try searching for Allen in quieter areas.

" _And it's also luck that we are all together"_ He reflected as they looked over the train station from afar, suddenly spotting a man with a yellowish Finder-like coat walking nearby the entrance and a person some steeps more away that would have looked completely ordinary if there wasn't for his way of standing and moving, which had a vibe they had learnt to distinguish: Of someone making a conscious effort to look the part. Or maybe, just like animals are able to identify beings of the same species, they could feel something about that man, since they had been part of the Order.

" _Klaud may have told about Raz, but they don't know about the rest of us…. So, they wouldn't expect a group"_ Allen thought as he straightened the hood he was wearing to hide his white hair and looked over to Raz. She had been quieter since they had met the Earl and Allen knew her enough to see this wasn't her typical silence. He wanted to talk to her about it, but they had no time now and he couldn't think about how to start the subject with the several things wandering in his mind like bugs that refused to rest.

"Should we just go and take the risk?" Johnny half-suggested half-asked, giving voice to what Allen had just thought. "Perhaps they won't pay attention to a group" Yet, he tried to reassure himself as his heartbeat increased… Even now, this was a pale fear compared to the dread he had felt when trying to carry Allen away from the Earl.

It had been the first time he had been so directly involved in a confrontation with the Noah, even the time the Order had been attacked didn't come close to this.

Raz had her gaze on the unknown man. The entire storm in her found a line to follow: That man was a member of the Order. With this, he became a focus. Even if he wasn't an Exorcist, it didn't matter and an arrow cut the storm as the desire of attacking was born in her nerves.

It would be so _easy…_ And in this, there was a temptation with the taste of chocolate, spiced with blood. She could cast shadows in his eyes to blind him, hold him and now the Noah wondered just how many ways she could attack and hurt until his body finally gave up life (or until she got bored with the game, most likely).

She wanted to do it.

She wanted to rip him open, leave his blood free to flow as she listened to his silly pleas for mercy and then death while his body refused to comply. She wanted to see his organs working, wanted to play with the limits of how much pain his nerves could sustain until they stopped working, once the limit between life and death was reached…

It sounded fun.

And funny, too. The idea of someone being cut by _shadows._

A shiver ran up her spine and it cut her thoughts, making her realize their nature.

" _God, please, help me…"_

"I'm not sure I like it…" Lauren muttered, almost to herself. "But we can't just stay and wait."

They exchanged glances. Even if the entrance to the station was large, those men had been trained by the Order. An attempt at distraction, such as explosion or anything of the sort wouldn't have the desired results either, it would be too obvious.

There was no choice but to hope that they would be too focused in spotting a white haired boy and a girl, in such way that a large group would be easily dismissed.

Upon entering, as far as the spot the man was (they couldn't see his face, except for brown-almost-black hair), Allen stood in the opposite side so if the man looked at their direction, he would probably be hidden by Samuel, Elana and Lauren. Johnny was at his side as Raz and Alison stayed some steps behind, watching for the man if he seemed to have noticed something or to be curious about the group.

Were their steps this slow or the path entering the station too long?

No one spoke. Raz and Alison took care to not look too much to the (probably) special agent Crow. People used to feel when they were being too observed.

People passing by them had cold auras.

Even when they were in the line for the tickets, there was no sensation of peace or safety. Allen needed to hold his hands, to stop them from going to his hood, feeling as if he had a thousand eyes over him. Any person around made his nerves tense as wire and he almost expected someone yelling his name at any second, trying to hold him.

He had thought the first time he had escaped some Crows, months ago, that it would be worst one and that afterwards he could (perhaps) get used to it… And had just realized how wrong he had been.

There was no way to get used to this.

His eyes went to Elana and she must have seen the nervousness in him, for while she tried to give a smile, the corners were stiff and shivering and he knew she was just as tense as him.

"Calm…" Johnny whispered at his side, spying carefully to the man in yellowish coat and the other who was a bit further away, but the latter was out of the view. "It will be okay". Both could see Alison and Raz standing away, Alison pretending she studied a board with info about trains and destinations as Raz looked around as if waiting.

For a moment, he wondered if the Noah wouldn't end up killing those men if they saw them, but kept the idea inside. He felt he shouldn't ask this.

"How he didn't notice?" The Noah whispered.

"I'm not sure…" The other replied, turning as if searching for directions, actually observing people near the line Samuel and the others were. "But when a person is focused in finding something _specific,_ they may not notice others. To our luck" Honestly she hadn't been sure this would work and had thought they could end up fighting. Even now, the sensation of something bad hadn't left her.

" _Please, let it keep up, let no one notice us"_

Johnny observed the Noah with the corner of his eyes, soon averting his gaze as if the mere vision of her was venomous. For Allen, he wanted to get used to her, but he couldn't control remembering of the Noah laughing as Alma wakened, of the white-haired Noah saying how they had no mercy for humans, the feeling of lines forcing his members to move as a puppet and the Earl, whose softness of his voice could be sincere as he told Allen to leave the Order…

He took a deep breath, pushing that away.

The boy at his side shivered suddenly and held his arm. Underneath the sleeve and glove, it was possible to see the flesh throbbing and the fabric moved as if trying to hold a living being.

" _No, not_ now _!"_

"I'll go near the platform!" Allen whispered with urgency, indicating his arm with his eyes, even though there was no need. Samuel looked around with ferocious eyes as Lauren whispered.

"Apocryphos?"

He nodded. If that creature was in the station, all he could do was walk away and try to lose it until they got in the train and left.

Johnny swallowed. In the hotel, as they got things ready, Allen had told him about the Innocence and how he had ran off not to escape Johnny, but because he didn't want to put anyone in danger especially after that being had killed Link. Johnny had never ever heard of an independent Innocence. Allen's description was more of a demon.

"Don't worry, I'll just walk nearby" The station was huge, some paths to the train platforms more crowded than others. He could only hope that Apocryphos would have difficult to find him with so many people around and even more since the feathers he had left in his body had long ago be tore off by Raz.

"We'll go with you" Lauren decided, but Allen shook his head. The girl looked annoyed and about to say something when a family passed by, chattering happily and Allen started to follow them close enough as a son who wasn't enjoying the trip, while still keeping a distance so they wouldn't be bothered. Johnny gave the others an apologetic look and followed. He kept a distance so Allen wouldn't be zapped and watching around for anyone.

"You know what? I really _fucking hate_ this habit of his!" Lauren muttered, to which Elana looked at her somewhat surprised at her swearing as she took off after Johnny, since Allen had already disappeared in the crowd. Elana sighed. They all knew Allen didn't want to endanger them, yet this didn't make his attitude less annoying.

When you were walking in a crowd and wanted to remain unnoticed, it helped to be a scrawny teen. The only downside was his scar and so, Allen kept his head lowered just so enough so he could still watch out. Some steps away, Johnny and Lauren followed and he realized they were doing the same…

Feeling somewhat lighter inside with this, he stopped near the way to platform seven and hid behind a large column, sitting down as he kept holding his arm, thanking it hadn't entered a full brute state or ripped the fabric of his sleeve.

"Does it hurt, Allen?" Johnny asked as he came closer, recalling how he had found him fighting the possession of the Fourteenth and imagined if this was something of an alike nature.

Allen still tried to smile.

"No… It feels weird, but…" It wasn't something there were words for. His arm still throbbed and he almost could see white points in the glove and wrist. Something inside him was a wild bird that had just woken in a cage and send waves of nervousness in his own nerves. He could feel it, yet the sensation didn't truly come from his own emotions.

" _It was my luck that Raz took Apocryphos' feathers out…"_ He thought, aware that otherwise he would be feeling the agony of that night again now tearing his nerve endings and Apocryphos would be able to pick his localization far easier.

As if his memory of the Noah gouging the feathers with her own hands, which had been tattered in the process, was a calling he heard a muttering.

"What is going on?"

It was Raz.

"You should be with Alison" Allen replied, still holding his arm, to which she seemed exasperated.

"She joined Elana and Samuel. We saw you walking away." She turned to Lauren and Johnny. "They already headed to the platform, we should…"

"I felt Apocryphos, I didn't want him to find I'm with you guys" Allen explained as he stood up, to which Johnny shook his head.

"Even so, Allen… It's the same thing you did earlier…"

The three of them kept looking at him and Allen avoided their eyes. He knew it was true, but he didn't think they understood it… They had never seen Apocryphos or felt that thing trying to absorb them.

He was afraid.

For himself and they. He would rather have the whole group being angry with him, but alive and not known by that thing.

"I just…"

The flesh in his arm seemed to dissolve, nerves in a seizure.

They had been distracted for too long.

Turning left, Allen was aware of what he would see no matter how he wished it wasn't so.

He was at some steps away, just enough to be considered a safe distance (though Allen didn't consider anything safe about him) and also enough so they could talk without having to raise their voices.

Glasses with lines that almost reflected the light. Serene and docile eyes. A smile.

Allen saw fake eyes, stolen from a living person and forced in the flesh of a corpse, skin covered in wax, the corners of the mouth pulled to form a smile.

Link's face blinked in his mind and he stepped closer to Johnny. The area where they were was one of the emptier ones and the people passing by saw nothing wrong and were far more concentrated in their own lives than what happened around, unaware of the creature disguising as human.

Johnny stood his ground with Lauren as he saw the man that looked like a cardinal he had seen once around the Order. It meant then he had always been there, always watching…

For how long?

"C'mon, c'mon… I didn't come to do anything today, Allen… Just talk, that's all" The creature raised his hands, in a gesture of someone showing that he's unarmed as his eyes remained only on Allen, as if nothing else mattered.

Meanwhile, Raz was taken by the same sensation of the first times she had been exposed to Innocence: Something that took over every vein, sense and nerve of her body on in its way, born and made of a mix of emotions. After her time with Allen and training, self control was possible, but now…

The flesh in her hands trembled as if aware this was the same being of the feathers that had cut her back in that night. Her eyes were on him, unaware of the cold loathing they showed, overflowing as her body was unable to keep it. And the desire to see blood, to rip flesh apart with her own hands was all she knew in that moment.

Focused on Allen as he was, Apocryphos didn't take notice of the other three. After he had been attacked by some Noah, while he had been hurt, had escaped and decided it was better to make sure the boy was alive and well. Seeing him after so long, feeling his Innocence still there and how he hadn't let himself be taken by the infection of genes of Noah filled him with glee.

"Oh, Allen" He muttered softly, almost as if to not scare him away. "You keep fighting this parasite Noah. I knew you wouldn't give in!"

At that moment Neah _was_ awaken in Allen. His conscience still oscillated weakly and the feeling that came from Crown Clown had echoed in Allen's body and alerted him as well. To hear that thing speaking made him cold with hate. _Parasite?_ That creature didn't know a thing, did it?

He would have loved to take control now by force, but fought against the impulse. This wouldn't help and could end up damaging Allen's body.

In his turn, to hear pride in Apocryphos' voice made Allen's stomach turn. Maybe it was because he knew what lurked under a human skin, but he couldn't bear looking at him without a fury he hadn't ever felt before.

"You killed Link" No accusation, it was a confirmation. "Why?" He didn't mention Apocryphos' supposed decision to leave him alone today (not that he believed). Cross had been friends with Neah, so this was probably the reason behind his attack, but why would he kill Link?

Apocryphos understood what the problem was and tilted his head. Always so protective of others, even when it was just an imbecile who merely followed Levelier's orders and didn't care at all for him. That was just one of the reasons why Allen was such a splendid Exorcist.

Allen felt his mouth dry. Despite wanting answers, he could only hope Apocryphos wouldn't dare to attack in a place with witnesses. He felt Johnny holding the hem of his sleeve and pulling to the side slowly as he risked a step.

Allen knew. If he managed to distract Apocryphos by talking… They could risk running…

It was the only chance…

"A sad necessity. I know how it must have been awful to you to hear about it, but there was no choice. And today…" The boy didn't know that Link wasn't dead and he saw no reason to tell otherwise. What good would it do, anyway? Yet, he would investigate later if the blonde remembered him and if he had told anyone.

Oh, well, better to kill him anyway.

"When I found your golem, we made deal" He explained, aware that Allen didn't trust what he had said. "I promised to leave you be today, I just wanted to see if you were alright. I do keep my promises, Allen. _Always."_ He backed a little away without moving from his spot, so he wouldn't look threatening and saw his words had had the desired effect: Surprise replaced anger and he hoped Allen had understood. "And I'm sorry for this Allen, I am. But that thing was created by Cross Marian, as a gift to that Noah. It wasn't loyal to you, it would have betrayed you. I did it for you, for your own good…"

Allen felt as if someone was shaking his nerves, the small bag with Timcampy's remains in his pocket heavier now and the caring tone of Apocryphos disgusted every fiber of his being.

 _Damn him._

His hands clenched into fists, hating how he couldn't attack. Still, he took another step aside, but Apocryphos eyes followed the movement…

"Now, now, I know you must be very upset" The creature smiled almost paternally as he looked over his shoulder and saw Lauren and Johnny for the first time. He blinked. "Oh, I did think he had gone to search for you. See, Allen? He was _worried_. I was too. And the Heart is worried too, so worried…" Allen noticed the feverish look in his eyes as he started to babble.

But then, for the first time, Apocryphos noticed Raz.

"If even people who don't… Understand… About…" His smile melted, the words that had started to gain strength died. Allen wasn't sure he would be able to feel a Noah, he hadn't ever heard of someone who could, but Apocryphos was different.

Raz sustained the stare, not bothered when comprehension came to the Innocence's eyes, along with a new glint that was very different from the one of until now.

"Allen…" He whispered between teeth, loathe and hate revealing as worms in rotten flesh. Despite his still human appearance, Johnny and Lauren felt a wave of dread as they felt something about that shape, something under the human skin that mocked nightmares.

And whatever it was, it clashed with Raz's own stare, the cold that irradiated from her own hate. Two demons staring at each other, two creatures that could make all that you feared into a dream as they presented the true essence of what was deserving of fear.

Apocryphos turned his head to Allen in hard movements, showing teeth that seemed about to melt together as he still kept them in a smile, his eyes still.

"Why would you be walking with this _abomination?"_

Raz stood at Allen's side as if she had forgotten him or the others. Dread was in each of her veins as well, but she held on to the hate as a shield even if aware she wouldn't be a match to this creature considering what Allen had said. Blood, however, didn't hear to reason and it was alive with the desire of ripping apart the fake skin, show the creature underneath, tear it apart and feast upon its screams, its flesh…

Allen held her wrist when he saw her eyes and the desire in them.

They needed to run. Apocryphos seemed willing to honor whatever deal he had made with Timcampy…

" _He said he wouldn't do anything to_ me. _Not to_ someone _who is with me"._

"No. No" Apocryphos said, skin trembling loose over the muscles. "Can't. To associate with a _Noah_? You can't…" He spit the word as if it was used to refer to a blind thing that hid in the depths and fed upon rotten corpses that even the maggots wouldn't bear. "You're an _Exorcist,_ Allen. You shouldn't be with _that._ You can't, can't, wrong, wrong, wrong…"

Allen leaned towards Raz as he felt Lauren stiffen behind. He tried to hold her, to try calling her attention and show they had to leave as Apocryphos was distracted.

"Impure, detestable, murderers… Wrong, wrong. You're gentle, Allen, but they don't know what this is… Suman Dark learned this in the end, he did…"

His last words this time stopped Allen from running.

Suman?

His mouth felt dry.

"What are you talking about?" His muscles ached with being tense for so long. He ignored it. Johnny pulled his sleeve a little from behind, Lauren walked to his other side and pressed his shoulder with her own. Allen didn't move.

Apocryphos did.

In an instant, he held Allen's forehead.

Near as they were, Lauren, Johnny and Raz saw the flesh in the fingertips melting. The nails were gone. All was a white mass joining Allen's flesh. Veins spread in his forehead as roots.

"Let me show you. You will…" Apocryphos began, his palm over Allen's mouth so he wouldn't scream as he held Apocryphos' wrist, struggling. Something overflew to his mind, cutting connections to reality.

Something sharp came to Apocryphos' wrist.

His arm shook with the impact. Johnny had stabbed him with a knife, the blade deep in his flesh, not finding real bones.

"L-Leave Allen _alone_!" Johnny hissed. Apocryphos shook his arm to get free of that silly thing, still holding Allen. Johnny still held the knife in place, applying his weight.

He felt something on the other side of his body.

The Noah.

The Noah was there, a long black dagger in hand. He felt the essence of shadows piercing his body as a poison, flowing to him.

 _How dared she!_

Yet, as putrid as it was, it was too weak. He attacked, the skin of his free hand melting the disguise. The Noah tried to avoid it, but he hit her chest… He held her knife, pulling it out as it faded into mist. Disgusting, putrid, grotesque…

He turned to Johnny, who challenged him with his eyes…

"HELP! GUN! MUGGING! POLICE!" The mocha-skinned woman shrieked.

Now people turned. A lady screamed. Others ran. Someone else cried for security.

Apocryphos backed off. With the sudden interruption in contact, Allen almost tripped before firming his legs.

"What mess is this?" Someone yelled in the crowd with authority. Apocryphos felt stabs in his feet. He saw blades of the Noah, who already ran with the other woman and Allen and Johnny.

Apocryphos growled to himself, fury threatening to dissolve his disguise. Not because Allen had escaped (he wasn't lying when he said he just wanted to check if he was fine), but due to the outrage of being attacked!

He would tear the organs of that Noah whore out for this.

The blades in his feet soon faded. He was Innocence and far stronger, but there was still a certain ache, too insignificant to be damaging, but still annoying. The disgust filled him.

"What is going on around here?!" A man, no doubt a security, asked behind him. Apocryphos' fist clenched as hate for the woman… He turned back, with a smile. All his being pulsated with hate for Noah as well and thinking that one of those things was with Allen Walker, no doubt infecting him with her rottenness made him sick.

Nothing of this showed in his features.

"I don't know, sir. I heard screaming."

He hoped he didn't have to resort to certain ways if this silly man insisted in something as interrogatory. After all, it was terrible when innocent people needed to be sacrificed.

 **XxX**

Allen felt he was going to vomit. His vision went in and out of focus, the corner of his eyes being taken by a mist that soon covered them. He fell inside himself, almost as if slowly fainting.

The sound of voices around was intertwined by other voices that he couldn't tell if came from his mind or not. The concrete became earth and…

And the smell…

The smell…

 _The smell of grass and plants was overtaking. Nothing surprising, once he was in a village near a forest. The house ahead was relatively big for this place, the walls with marks that indicated the passage of time._

 _It was a poor-looking village, like so many._

 _He felt something coming from that particular house._

"What is that?" _Allen thought, not understanding what happened or what was that he felt coming from inside. His feet took him to the door, aware that there was no one watching him._

"But how do I know this?" _Trying to focus, he realized his sensations were limited and there was no control in the movements. At each step, he started to feel where he ended and that body began, as a costume around him that had its own free will. He had never felt so strange, that was still beyond the moments Neah had taken over his body when he had been stabbed by Kanda._

"Excuse me?" _His mouth (no, no, not his, he was just inside that body as a skeleton that didn't move) opened and honey voice dripped from it. The sensation got stronger, taking over in such way that he was just a mass, no bones or organs. There was something in this cabin that he… He… What?_

 _He didn't feel cold or heat externally, it was more as if he felt those inside his body and it wasn't even that, but something no human had a name for._

 _Two people lifted their heads. One was an old man of long mustache and the other a beautiful woman of black hair._

" _Oh, sir, good afternoon. What brings you here?"_

 _There was someone lying down, over a small straw rug._

 _If he wasn't as limited as he was, Allen would have lost his breath._

 _It was Suman Dark._

 _Hurt and tired, he barely breathed, a shadow of scrawny beard in his face that had a bruise, skin looking ill._

 _What happened, Allen wasn't sure. He felt his arm stretching, fingers slithering snakes against those two people, who fell. He hadn't truly touched them, but his flesh had gone through their skins, mere membranes._

 _A taste of puke came to him, in an elementary level and not from the body he was in. He kneeled at Suman's side. Allen wanted to struggle, stop that hand from approaching his face…_

"Apocryphos, what have you DONE?" _He screamed inside himself. The hand lay over Suman's eyes, flesh of Innocence going through his eyes, invading the body and blood, going beyond bones or organs._

" _Oh, Suman…" His mouth said, words carrying to the man's body, a disease spreading. "What a deception. You betrayed your friends and what for? Allying yourself to a Noah… Awful, awful." The tone didn't change, but waves of cold disgust were all that existed in that body and flowed to Suman's. Something old, never stopping…_

 _Then Allen felt._

 _From Suman's arm, the blood and the nerve endings, something spread to his body too, with the strength of a newborn baby…_

" _I do this for the better." This time, the words were transmitted without a voice. Whatever there was inside Suman created a curious sensation… As if whatever it was, was trying to solidify and block something. Gentle, but firm._

" _He betrayed the Order. He made alliance with a Noah. He doesn't deserve you. Filth. Traitor." The whisper carried on, unchangeable. The sensation intertwined in Suman's blood was of indignation and it shrunk, coiling like a snake…_

 _No… No, it was wrapping something…_

 _Comprehension came to Allen._

 _That was Suman Dark's_ Innocence.

 _The Innocence of Suman was trying to protect him from Apocryphos._

 _What it (She? He?) wrapped wasn't his heart or bones, but the_ existence _of the Accommodator. His sanity, his emotions, all that made Suman_ be _Suman… And it spread to the body, between flesh and blood to make an inner shield._

" _Don't waste your energies. See how weak you are. You deserve a worthy Exorcist, not a dog that would sell his friends" Allen noticed Apocryphos was getting impatient. The Innocence involved Suman with more firmness, a ferocious hug of someone refusing to let a loved one be hurt._

"You… You wanted to save him." _Allen thought, feeling how the Innocence held on to her Accommodator almost in despair, aware she wouldn't be able to keep him safe. Images of a little girl, sick and fragile, fleshed in his mind along with that of a woman. They were warmer than a sun for someone lost in a cage, who had never known light._

 _Love._

 _Suman's daughter. Suman's wife._

 _Apocryphos dismissed them, not blinking._

" _Traitor. Filth. Contaminated." He carried on and Allen hated him for how he hadn't even paid a thought, a moment to that woman and child._

 _He pressed the Innocence, touch of needles._

 _She resisted, tensing and standing all around Suman. Apocryphos didn't bother and pressed more._

 _Allen wanted to scream, to stop, he didn't want to feel it was_ him _doing that, for he felt the waves of agony and despair from the Innocence flowing to his body as she pulsated with her own sun that she had for Suman, who was the focus of all, even if she was in pain._

"STOP THAT!" _He cried uselessly. "_ YOU ARE _HURTING_ HER, YOU ARE HURTING THEM _BOTH_ , STOP IT!"

 _Then his essence pierced the Innocence._

 _Pain beyond all that he knew filled him, not unlike when Tyki had destroyed his arm. And he felt he was touching Suman in a way no being had the right to, making something flow to the man, whose body contorted, a paleness taking his skin as the flesh bloated and gurgled._

 _All the time, he still felt the cries of despair coming from the Innocence, which weren't for the agony she was in, but for Suman. And something cut his eyes as Apocryphos stood up and left, not looking behind though Allen still felt Suman's Innocence…_

 _Someone calling, at distance. He knew akumas would be here soon, he remembered what had happened that night…_

 _The voice still called._

 _At some point, he knew the Innocence was crying…_

"You wanted to keep him _safe…_ You could only kill him because he was suffering, there was nothing more to do and you _loved_ him, you understood what had happened, his reasons, you wanted to help him, of course, Suman just wanted to see his _family_ again, he…"

A shock stuck his face.

Not understanding, Allen looked around. The air filled with the smoke of a hazel train ahead and Johnny looked at him, breathing heavily, hand still in the air. Allen touched the side of his face, which tingled with the ache of a slap.

"I'm sorry, Allen, sorry, but you were mumbling to yourself all the time" He had managed to run with them to the platform, but being half-dragged, with a frozen glance and in the last seconds, words kept slithering from his mouth, too fast and low to be understood.

"We kept calling for you, but you didn't answer!" Lauren added frowning as Samuel looked over people's head, searching for someone who fitted the description of Apocryphos or the guys from the Order. Apocryphos didn't seem to be after them, but he could see some people of the Order asking others.

"Let's go, now" He said, holding on Allen's shoulder and pulling a little so they would go up the train now that the boy was in control of himself again, though he looked quite ill. "What was all that?"

"I… I saw something… A memory of him, I…" Allen tried to explain, soon covering his mouth as he tried to force the stomach to stop turning. His head throbbed too… It had been like when he had saw Apocryphos attacking Cross, but _worse_ …

"I thought he was…" Raz started, without a need of completing it. Allen interrupted as they searched for an empty cabin… He really needed to sit down.

"No, it wasn't like that…" Apocryphos _had_ kept his word, but the feeling of having something of him forced into his body (mind, in the case) was equally revolting. Sitting down, he rested his head on the back of the soft bank. "Are… Are you okay?"

He looked at Raz and Johnny and Lauren. Johnny was pale, but nodded.

Raz was fighting for breath. Allen recalled that night when he had first seen Apocryphos, he could remember his essence piercing Tyki's hands, his fist coming to him and Road placing herself between them, taking the blow for him and falling… Later, Tyki had placed her in his arms and for the first time ever, Road seemed hurt and fragile, not unlike a doll…

And she had faded in the night, disappearing.

"Raz, he… Are you…"

"I'm fine… Don't worry" Seeing he didn't seem to believe and the others also looked at her firmly, she sighed. It hurt to breathe. "He hit me… But it wasn't so much…" She had avoided the touch in time and it wasn't like what Allen had told about how Apocryphos had hurt Tyki and Road, however she felt her organs aching… Not for the physical strength, but for touch of that Innocence. In the second he had touched her, she had felt a slice against her very being and the disgust that creature had for her and her kind.

And the feeling was mutual.

It didn't help the hate she still felt.

"Allen, what happened to you?" Lauren turned to him.

"I saw a memory of him… Of Suman Dark."

Johnny lifted his head to this.

"Suman?" He whispered. Allen hesitated, but nodded.

"The Innocence… She wanted to keep Suman safe" It felt a little weird to call the Innocence a "she". For what he had felt, it was a living essence, unbound by things such as gender or flesh.

He didn't look to anyone as he said so. Inside, the scream of the Innocence echoed and he wished he would never again feel something like that, to feel that pain and hear such screams as he pierced and touched someone in a way he had no right to…

No… It had been Apocryphos, not him…

Yet, the sensation remained.

"But… He turned into a Fallen One…" Elana started carefully, confusion clear in her features. "And well…" She tilted her head quickly, as someone indicating " _you know what._ "

"It was all that she… It could do. The one who actually turned him into a Fallen One was Apocryphos…" Allen went on quietly, more to himself than the others. "Suman's Innocence knew he wouldn't bear to keep killing people and tried to hurry it to spare him" And weak as it had been, it hadn't been able to protect him from the Teases either.

Allen shivered.

Perhaps it… _She_ had tried to kill him as fast as she could also so he wouldn't be devoured by them…

Apocryphos had done that.

Allen remembered that night, the man's pain and how he had had to ask him to bite his hand so he could take him off that white prison as Suman cried…

Apocryphos had done all that.

"Perhaps… That's why you didn't turn into Fallen" Realizing he had said that out loud, he turned to the others who wondered what he meant by that. "I mean, the Innocence is too strong, so when the Order tried to _force_ people to synchronize, they ended up turning into Fallen due to being unable to contain the Innocence power, but you… _We_ … Are Accommodators already. We…"

Lavi and the others had told him how Lenalee's Innocence had created a crystal to keep her safe after a fight in which her synchronization had diminished due to exhaustion. It had been low, but she hadn't turned. His Innocence had been destroyed and when he tried to synchronize, he hadn't turned either.

Their Innocences were theirs.

" _Lenalee's Innocence kept her safe. Like mine did when Tyki put that tease in my heart…"_

Maybe they did turn against their Accommodators when they betrayed God, he didn't know of other cases but Suman and the Order's experiences. But even if this was the case… Now that he thought, just because the Order _followed_ God, it wasn't the same.

God was love and mercy. There was a difference between betrayal for selfish reasons and reasons like Suman's… Among all what he had felt, Allen thought there was some sort of comfort in knowing the Innocence had understood Suman. His hands closed in fists, nails against the flesh.

The face with glasses and soft voice came to his mind.

They stayed in silence for some seconds as they thought about what they had just heard. Johnny couldn't fully focus on Allen's theory of why the other Exiled hadn't turned into Fallen, but more on how Suman's Innocence hadn't turned against him. Even if members of the Order had died, many of them Exorcists, he couldn't hate Suman, just remember of him like the friend he used to play chess sometimes and who would talk about his wife and child…

Those were the rare occasions in which the mask of seriousness was tossed aside and Johnny could see how much he longed to see them again.

Not bearing those thoughts haunting the cabin like Tyki's black butterflies, Lauren tried to go for another subject.

"And those guys? Your friends?"

"Lavi. And Bookman" Allen said at once and the thoughts about Apocryphos lost the strength and his focus changed. A fire ran over his blood, pushing away the lethargy that the later discovery had caused.

Samuel kept his face calm, though a muscle shivered upon hearing "Bookman". Cross had told him about their "lineage" per say and he had no sympathies for them. At his side, Alison and Elana exchanged glances and the green-eyes girl sighed, sitting straighter.

"And does anyone have any idea of how we're going to do this?" Noticing Allen looking at her with some surprise, she smiled with sarcasm. That was really the reaction she had expected from him and Lauren giggled.

"Oh, here you go again. It's obvious you want to do something about it, I mean, duh!" She couldn't think even how they would approach this problem, whose ramifications and details were as many as the branches of a tree, yet there was some sort of excitement for her.

It had been long since they had had a true mission and the idea of a purpose besides traveling around hunting akumas carried something nostalgic. Dangerous and scary, yes, but somehow…

" _Perhaps Ali is right when she says I have a tendency to insanity. Not that she can say much about it, anyway…"_

"It will be too dangerous, I…" Allen looked to the others, feeling lost. As determinate as he was to save Lavi, truth was he had no idea of how to do it. First off, how he could even go to wherever they were? The localization could be the Black Ark and this was a complication in itself.

"Do you really think we would let you do it by yourself?" Elana asked kindly, smiling. "No offense, Allen, but… It's crazy." That was there no way how the idea didn't deserve this classification. She went on. "Besides, if you went there alone, you would be captured right away and you know it…"

Allen spied Raz by the corner of his eyes. The Noah had her head leaning in the glass of the window and just watched the conversation with what would have seemed a mask of indifference to others, but he could see the intense interest in her gaze and when she looked at him, he saw her support was with Elana as she raised her eyebrows.

They would do this together.

Elana was right and he knew it too… He wouldn't be able to help Lavi and Bookman alone. He felt bad for involving the others all in this, since the Exiled had nothing to do with them…

And yet, even all of their strength wouldn't be enough.

 **XxX**

Frequently, one is able to feel when there are eyes on them, observing and evaluating and, depending more of intensity than quantity, creating pressure.

Kanda felt this in the depths of his nerve endings when he arrived at the Order, but didn't react. Even now, in front of the Generals as he stood near the table in the reunion's room, he didn't lower his head or showed any emotion.

"Yuu Kanda" A secretary standing said with no intonation, though Kanda could pick some curiosity in his gaze that, mentally, he compared to one of a vulture upon seeing a dying animal. The story of his reappearance, synchronization and evolution of Mugen and then leaving had spread as a fire from Hell and no doubt this brat was among those who would love to see what would happen to him, no matter what was.

The samurai then reported the exact events of his escape through the Ark, return and synchronization. He just appreciated how they skipped the exchange of amenities to go straight to the damn point.

Sitting with Lau on her shoulder, Klaud studied the black-haired Exorcist, pretending to be completely focused in what he said. As some of the rest, her belief was that he had gone in search of Allen Walker. Had he found him? Tiedoll had left with Agents of the Central to bring him back, but they hadn't heard anything about it and Kanda had followed them without resistance (which she betted it was a surprise to the Central).

" _And it doesn't mean Walker wasn't in the town"_ He and the Noah that was with him. If Kanda had found them, the chances that he wouldn't say anything about it were high. At least it was what she hoped for…

"Very well" Levelier commented as the secretary took his seat and turned to Kanda. "Do you mind informing us why you decided to leave right after coming back?" There were blades underneath the honey of his voice. Kanda kept his disdain, wondering if Link had came into contact with him. Even if this was the case, there was no solid evidence to the Inspector to accuse him.

" _No that it would make much of a difference to the Central"_ He needed to proceed with care. In the few hours of his return, he hadn't had time to talk to the others, but it had been easy to pick here and there fragments of rumors regarding the Moyashi and there was nothing positive about them.

"I spent too much time recovering from my injuries" He replied, still not lowering his eyes and fighting to keep a tone normal enough to not cause suspicions and polite enough to not be accused of insubordination. They would jump at any excuse here and Kanda knew the limits. "And even more in the journey back. I thought it would be best to avoid all bureaucracy and go back to destroying akumas."

"The synchronization with Mugen was perfect" Komui intervened, all his being assuming a posture rarely seen by others who had no access to those reunions. Gone was the excited man who liked to drink coffee and run away from work. Here was someone who seemed to care only for facts and who used the tongue as a knife. "It evolved to a Crystal type in the moment Kanda held it. Isn't it so?" The Japanese caught the clue and showed the marks on his arms. The veins were back to normal and so was his skin.

"I do believe this is proof enough that Yuu Kanda remains an Exorcist" The Supervisor carried on as if this ended the matter. Whatever had happened in the case of Alma's Awakening could be casted aside as the Central had no intention of risking losing an Exorcist such as Kanda, let alone one who had a Crystal Innocence.

If it had been anyone else, however…

Levelier just studied Komui for a second before his attention was back to Kanda. The Generals remained in silence.

"Even so, leaving right after coming back? What an interesting choice of action…" Levelier tilted his head with a smile of someone sharing a secret. "Did you really go off to fight akumas, Yuu Kanda?"

" _Oh, fuck off, Levelier"_ He replied mentally, wishing he could grab a sword and just shred that face.

"I have no patience to keep answering unnecessary questions and waste my time. I would rather just go back to something productive."

"Did you take care of all your particular business?" Levelier insisted, attracting a ferocious glare from Bak and Komui. Just the fact the man was slithering the subject even near Alma Karma was too much. Kanda, however, refused to take the bait. "So, you truly went to hunt akumas or you went in search of the traitor?"

At Klaud's side, Sokaro made a muffled sound (probably a sneer or chuckle). The woman studied Kanda for a signal and was unable to see anything. Contrary to Lenalee, he was more controlled and reserved in some of his opinions.

"Allen Walker doesn't interest me" It was one of the few occasions he revised the terms to be said. "He helped me to set Alma Karma free, yes, but this doesn't imply I have to follow him like a _dog"_

The several eyes landing on him were crows pecking the flesh in search of something deeper. To show pure uncaring towards the Moyashi was the safest route, but to avoid mentioning what had happened would be too suspicious when most of those present there knew the story between he and Alma.

He hated this. Couldn't they have respect at least for his memory, in the way they never had for his life?

"Regarding Tiedoll's proposition" Bak announced, turning to Kanda and advancing with the matter. "What do you have to say?"

The other didn't even blink.

"I don't think it changes a thing. I'll keep destroying akumas all the same" It was the best way to show acceptance to the General's spot that they would get and let them be happy with it. Accepting to infiltrate in the superior hierarchy of the Order didn't mean he would lower himself to lick someone's shoes with false gratefulness.

Komui kept a chuckle in his throat as a feeling of pride was born in him, mixed with relief at seeing that Kanda hadn't changed a thing. Observing Levelier with the corner of his eyes, he noticed the man had just lifted a brow and though this had been the Exorcist's reply, it hadn't surprised him either.

"I do hope that the evolution of your Innocence and your new position don't make you forget that you still have superiors, Yuu Kanda"

They stared at each other. Not looking away, Levelier sighed and turned to the other Generals.

"We'll have to revise the units and their members"

"If this is really necessary" Kanda intervened with a roll of eyes and a boring air. "I'd rather work with people who have been with me in missions before. At least I'm more used to stand them"

Levelier's eyes were unreadable as he looked to him.

"It would be for the best" Tiedoll agreed, nodding. "My dear pupil has some social issues, after all" He spoke as affably as a father commenting his child's behavior to a teacher during a reunion. Kanda had to bite his tongue to not let out a comment of his own…

"In your old unit, you were with Noise Marie" Komui pointed and looked to the others. "And he has been in missions with my sister as well"

"She's my unit." Klaud interfered, grabbing the chance. "If we're going to reorganize groups and Kanda is not longer in Tiedoll's unit, perhaps it will be good a total readjust. Timothy is getting better, I suggest he becomes your pupil now" She told the painter, who smiled at the idea of being the responsible for the child.

"Please, why bother? Who cares who is in this or that unit?" Sokaro mumbled with exasperation, to which Klaud paid him no mind. She just thanked that Tiedoll was like he was, for she completely refused to allow a child to spend even a minute with someone such as Sokaro.

"Well, we must think about the people who get along better than others. It's essential so the missions will be successful" Tiedoll replied though Kanda knew part of his affirmation was not based in military tactics, but also in the simple fact that he had liked the idea. The brat would end up being called " _son"_ by Tiedoll.

" _Better him than me anyway. Though I bet the old man will keep calling me this no matter what…"_ Just the idea was annoying. There was a habit of his master that Kanda had never been able to comprehend, let alone accept.

In his past, _true_ life, he had been someone's son. But this body, the existence called "Yuu Kanda" had no father or mother.

 _It_ didn't have anything.

"And you always said you would rather not have to deal with your own unit anyway, Sokaro…" Klaud kept a tone as professional as she could, head held high and eyes of iron. Still she had the others' attention as she showed the authority posture of a General.

"So, I suggest that Alistar Krory becomes part of my unit" She ended. Her reasons for this were not emotional at all, but she was sure of Lenalee's loyalty and the few interactions with Krory indicated the same about him, but Klaud would rather be sure before making decisions about her future actions.

Regarding Kanda… Despite all, he was another one she would rather observe until she was completely sure.

They were all in a dance, in a stage of glass shards and the least wrong step had a high price.

The samurai kept a dry comment. The vampire and Lenalee were two of the people who knew Moyashi and it would have been better if he was their General. He kept his eyes at some point ahead, acting as if all this was a bore as he wondered why Klaud Nine would make such suggestion.

"That Exorcist with the clock Innocence has been in missions with Marie also. They seem to work well together." It wasn't a suggestion.

"And Sokaro's unit?" Levelier asked, not showing approbation or denial all the time he head. Behind the metal mask came the sound of a feline scoff and the General dismissed it with his hand.

"Spare me. If they want to keep their units or change them, whatever" To him, there was no difference. People were still members of the Order and having their missions and all that subject of pupils had always seemed useless to him, not changing anything in the entire picture and having no importance.

"Lavi and Bookman must be alive still" Tiedoll recalled them, noting how some people exchanged looks in doubt. "The Noah wouldn't be satisfied in merely killing them, they would have left their bodies to be found. We do have Agents studying the case and searching for them, as well"

Some seconds were spent in silence.

"Very well, then. Those will the new units" Levelier agreed with a nod.

Kanda still needed to answer some questions regarding his return and leaving. Once the reunion came to the end, he felt tired and annoyed. He had no patience for any of this and the more bureaucratic side of the hierarchic transition was, and there was no other term, a _pain in the ass_.

Upon leaving the room, Kanda soon saw Klaud turning a hallway and followed her, taking advantage of the empty place. It was night already and most people should be at the cafeteria or in their rooms.

"Why did you do that?" He asked immediately, to which the blonde turned to him without any interest and lifted a brown. The monkey at her shoulder tilted its head and let out a small sound.

"Specifically?" She was taller than Kanda, but when their eyes met, this made no difference.

"The change of units. You had no reason to, the Central would have take charge of it anyway" Besides, he had noticed that Klaud had suggested a complete readjust of all their units and the people who had had more contact with the Moyashi were in their groups, except for the rabbit and the old man, but they were missing and couldn't be taken in account.

Kanda doubted this was coincidence.

Klaud, on another hand, just watched him with her serious expression as she placed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I merely thought it would be best to have you working with people you can get along better to avoid future issues that may cause a headache to others" She almost completed that she liked Lenalee and didn't want to risk leaving Timothy with Sokaro as his General, but thought better of it. It would be more sensate to not go into details. Kanda's eyes pierced her with a way that made him look like a bird of prey.

Had he met with Walker or not?

She turned to go on with her way, stopping soon. She didn't want to go deep in some subjects, but there was a warning she couldn't keep to herself and looked at Kanda over her shoulder.

"Just one thing… I don't believe I have to tell you to be careful around Levelier?"

"How much of a fool do you take me for?"

Klaud almost smiled.

"Oh, yes. But it wouldn't be a bad idea to be careful around Sokaro either"

 **XxX**

Considering the news of his coming back had already spread through the Order and the day had been long, Kanda decided to eat alone in his new room that, he had to admit, were better than the room he used to have.

Even with some comfort being offered, the position of General was a two-edged dagger: On a side, it was a good chance of infiltrating deep and search for info, on another, now even the air twisted his stomach with hand of ice.

Seated in his bed, he observed the cross-shaped marks in his arms. There wasn't a single sign of the abnormality of earlier. Was it because of his return? Had his Innocence been entering the first stages of turning into a Fallen?

But why he and none of those "Exiled"? Even the Moyashi's Innocence hadn't caused him any harm and not only had he left the Order as he was with a Noah inside him and even traveling with one. Certainly those were more aggravating facts that could make his Innocence leave him?

Nothing of the sort had happened.

Now that he thought about it, in the end he didn't know much of the transformation process and with this lack of knowledge, it wasn't easy to have definitive conclusions.

A tingle was born in his blood and nerves under the black marks and a shadow of idea ran through them until touching his mind, something made by a figure of image… His arm had been back to normal once he had met the General Tiedoll, however…

A low hiss vibrated in the empty room, breaking his focus.

It was the golem he had on his table.

"What now?" He mumbled as he picked it up. For an instance, there was just a buzz.

"Kanda?"

The voice was so whispered that, if he wasn't alone and surrounded by silence, Kanda wouldn't have heard it at all. He could only roll his eyes, _this_ wasn't unexpected and not even for this stopped being a risked action and, therefore, stupid.

"You dumb Moyashi, what if there was someone here?" It was the frequency Johnny had taught them to use so the Order wouldn't track them. Very good and useful, but considering he was right in the Headquarters, the lack of sense in this was clear.

"I thought you would leave your golem turned off when you were with someone around, get isolated and besides, it is dinner time…" He had guessed Kanda wouldn't have liked the idea of staying in the cafeteria with people bugging him, observing him and he had been right. And in this time, there were more chances Kanda wouldn't be bothered, too.

Kanda mumbled a "tch", indicating Allen had been right in all of this.

" _Has he seen Krory or Miranda? Has he spoken to Komui or Lenalee?"_ With his heart weighting and throat closing, Allen still tried to not send the thought away.

"How it was… To go back?" He kept a neutral voice, sitting in the bed of the inn, legs down and Raz sitting on the other bed, watching and listening. Johnny was on the upper bunker bed. Even after this long day, the shackles hadn't been broken no matter what they had tried in the train. It was almost admirable the durability of the Science Department's creations.

" _It would be more admirable if I wasn't the one who has to deal with them!"_

"How are the others?"

The question made Kanda roll his eyes. Yeah, he had been expecting this anyway, especially right at the beginning of the conversation and it was just the conscience this had nothing to do with polite amenities that made him reply.

"I didn't speak with anyone yet, but it seems things are fine… Until now I had to put up with a discussion about my " _promotion"_ to General…" He told with irony to which Allen chuckled a little, imagining his expression, probably of someone who had bitten something bitter. He could also imagine some people referring to this as an honor and receiving one of Kanda's patented dead stares.

Not that Kanda didn't have reasons for this. Even if Allen yearned to be back and see his friends, he wasn't blind to what had been done to Kanda… It wasn't fair he had to go back to a place he hated so much…

He was about to say something (what, he didn't know) when Raz leaned to the golem so the samurai would listen to her without her needing to raise her voice.

"Have you heard anything about us?"

Kanda didn't hesitate. In truth, he had heard fragments of what was being said about the Moyashi… He wasn't surprised with any of it. Some seemed to be convinced that he had already joined the Noah and this was why he hadn't been found. Another thing he had heard was that he had been a spy and this was why he had wanted to save the life of a Noah in the White Ark. And those had been the "nice" versions, he was sure.

While Kanda wasn't surprised, he wasn't about to tell this to the Moyashi. And the Noah girl had asked for facts, not pieces of senseless gossip.

"No, no one said a thing. Levelier threw his hints, but he has no proof and didn't touch the subject. So, no one has any idea of where the Moyashi is."

Sitting on the bed at the side of Allen's, Raz frowned and looked at him, both remembering General Klaud Nine. They _had_ asked Johnny about it, but he had left the Order while she was in mission and so, had no way of knowing anything. Regarding Kanda there was not even what to ask, since he had just passed by the Order to recover Mugen, not time enough to hear stories.

Now… That sounded weird. Why there was no one speaking of how Allen was traveling alongside a Noah or had interrogated Kanda about it? Surely Levelier would have been more direct if he knew of this…

"But…"

"Hey, Dumb Moyashi" Kanda cut him with his usual growl. "I'm _not_ in a mission, I'm in the _middle_ of the damn _Headquarters_ , so unless you have something important to say…"

"We're going to save Lavi and Bookman."

The next words from Kanda slowly died in his throat upon hearing this. It wasn't unlikely that the Moyashi would make a decision of this nature, but it didn't weaken the impact of the enunciation and the Japanese held the bridge of his nose as he rubbed his eyes, recalling the hangover sensation he had been suffering in the day he and Johnny had found the Moyashi and the Noah dancing as pierrots.

He had just been taken by a sensation that was too similar to his taste.

" _Wonderful…"_ He thought with sarcasm.

"Do you want me to number all the problems of this idea in alphabetic order or to categorize them by steps?" He asked in sweet irony as he heard the other scoffing in impatience, though he could imagine that stupid smile of the Moyashi.

"The others agreed to go too. But we're not enough" To say they had " _agreed"_ wasn't the best term as Lauren had been firm and neither of them had given him chance to argue. Tired as he was of that day and aware he would need help, Allen had made it clear that no one needed to take part in this and agreed they would discuss the matter in the following morning after he had spoken to Kanda.

Even now, Allen's exhaustion reached his bones. All he wanted to do was to tell Kanda what he needed, ask the necessary help and, please, try to _sleep_.

If he managed to, now that he imagined what could be happening to Lavi…

The samurai frowned and sighed, aware of what was being truly said here.

It _had_ to be a joke.

"Meaning, you hope I'll see here who wouldn't attack you in the moment they saw you so we can happily skip after the stupid rabbit." Kanda was quiet for some seconds to let the affirmation to root and growled. "Have you completely _lost your damn mind?"_

"Who wouldn't _tell on us"_ Allen corrected him, voice coming too fast. The idea even now was upsetting and he tried to avoid thinking about his friends looking at him with despise. He didn't saw Raz wiggling in her bed as if to make herself comfortable when she was actually thinking what his friends would say once they learned he was in the company of a Noah.

Taking a deep breath, Allen remembered Miranda, Lenalee, Krory, Komui and the others from the Science Department. No, he trusted his friends and if he needed evidence, all he had to do was remember how Johnny had told him, how they had wished luck in finding him…

Kanda, on another hand, thought again about the few things he had heard and how he knew there was worse going around regarding the white haired boy.

It made him wonder if there was anyone there who still held on to their previous trust on the Moyashi. Where before there had been praise and trust, now there was despise and even disgust… The remains of frozen ashes when the cold is strong enough to kill any fire.

"And who would accept this. Lavi is our friend, so is Bookman" The seriousness made his tone become somewhat metallic. "We can't just leave them like this, Kanda"

Once more, his words just made the other's eyes roll with a sigh. Sure, of course he would rather have the involved knowing before hand in what they would be getting themselves in and so, have a choice in the matter or not, sure, touching, really touching, but sentimentalities wouldn't eliminate the issues, of which the organization of the group was the smallest.

"Kanda? C'mon, we can't do this alone"

He was in silence. To go out of his way wasn't that like him unless it was a responsibility and a duty. People needed to learn they couldn't always to count in others to help them and if they got too used to lean on others, the result was negative to both: Who leaned and who offered support.

"They can't do this alone, how would they?" Allen insisted. He didn't think Kanda would truly abandon someone, but this didn't give him the certainty he would go along with this plan. "You don't need to go, we just need…"

"Oh, _shut up"_

Allen and Raz blinked as they exchanged looks. Johnny muffled a laugh and Allen ended up smiling too.

"You talk like hell and I already said it's better to just speak the necessary while I'm here, you _dope_ " An unreadable sound that carried annoyance. "I'll get in contact again when I can"

Allen couldn't help feeling the tension leaving him.

"So, you're in?"

"That's what I said, stupid Moyashi"

The following noise was of interruption in the transmission. Allen looked to the other two and shrugged.

"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is Bakanda's way of saying he agrees" He said in a solemn tone ruined by how a chuckle tried to escape in his words. Johnny's golem flew and landed in the table between the bed and the bunker one.

Some minutes later, cradled in darkness and silence the tension slowly left their beings and allowed sleep to come. Still, Allen remained awaken for some minutes more, his thoughts the only part of him that refused to give in to tiredness no much how much he wanted to.

He ran his hand under the pillow until he found a small hard circle. In the darkness, he couldn't see it, but his finger felt the lines in relief… The Earl's button. Earlier, he had been observing it and noticed the lines made the same symbol he had seen in the Ark's musical sheet…

It was similar to the one he had once seen in the buttons of Mana's coat too… How many times had he sat at his father's side and ran his finger over the lines, sometimes pressing them until they marked his skin for some seconds?

He knew Mana was involved with the Noah. It was a given, he was Neah's brother… But were those details such as the symbol of that button, physical and presents whose existence was undeniable that made this fact more evident…

He missed his father…

He always would.

And this thought was what gave way to a realization. When they had met the Earl that day, Allen had _noticed_ something more in his voice, in how he called to Neah and Raz… Among agitation and fear, Allen hadn't recognized at once what it was and maybe because he had never heard that emotion in the Earl's voice…

There _had been_ an intense excitement and anxiety that edged the insanity. However, intertwined to all this like a thread hidden in a complex rug, what Allen had noticed was a deep sorrow.

Something so deep that came from an abyss where, whatever lurked in, was now unable to remember something like light _could_ even exist…

He thought about Raz.

He had no idea what she had thought of all this and her eyes had been a mirror that reflected nothing. But this meeting couldn't have been easy to her… Respecting her space, Allen had then decided to give her some time until she seemed willing to speak of it. As serene as she behaved, Allen was sure that, no matter how much she wanted to learn about herself, she was scared.

Scared of the unknown that was herself.

He would have liked to do something for her, but for now all he could do was, while trying to find out about himself, Neah and Mana, to also find out about her.

As the sleep started to wrap his mind and made the thoughts heavy, his last one was of what he had seen in Apocryphos' memories and what he had done to Suman Dark.

" _Lenalee said I saved his soul."_ She had been wrong. To save someone's soul as they did with the akumas was one thing. To _actually_ save them was another. All they could do was to set them free…

The actual salvation of a soul wasn't in the hands of anyone in this world.

But they could save people…

" _Is it like this with Innocence, Crown Clown?"_ He wondered, aware there would be no answer.

He remembered his Innocence protecting him so many times.

Did that mean it loved him too? Even if he carried genes of a Noah?

 **XxX**

Silver eyes opened in the darkness as two stars, gleaming for an instant as he sat up in absolute silence.

" _What a mess…"_ He thought to himself. " _You've developed a true talent to go after trouble!"_ He had never been like this before. On a hand, Timcampy's records had showed him enough so he would realize Allen had changed quite a lot since the last time they had saw each other, yet…

Standing from the bed, Neah walked to the chair where Allen's coat was and picked one of the pockets, holding a small transparent bag and watching the black fragments in it, feeling a tug in his heart.

Cross had given him Timcampy years ago… He had created the golem himself and in such way that the being was more than a machine and could heal himself from major injures. It was far more advanced than those silly toys the Order used…

"I'm sorry, my friend…" He muttered as he caressed the fragments through the plastic, even if he knew Tim couldn't hear him. Allen had been crushed by the loss as well, he had been able to feel it.

Thinking about Apocryphos made him clench his fists.

And now Allen was going to try rescuing that redheaded friend of his. Neah sighed, he wasn't the owner of that body yet and couldn't truly stop him. At least he had been sensate enough to realize they hadn't military power enough to do.

" _And you know they may be in the Black Ark, Allen…"_ Some of the boy's thoughts were too deep in his mind to Neah feel them, but one had been as loud as a yell. " _And you were really thinking in a way of reaching them, hm?"_

Closing his eyes, Neah tried to feel some shape of his host's dreams, meeting with a white barrier that wrapped the boy and the sent away waves of reproach spiced with displeasure. Crown Clown hadn't liked that _at all._

" _Annoying Innocence from Hell…"_ He swore, though he was somewhat amused as well. " _Hey, I just want to know what he dreams nowadays…"_ The reply was an intensification of the barrier, which now had a cold threat.

" _Geez, no sense of humor, huh?"_

Neah turned, looked at the bunker.

The man he had attacked was on top, seeming in deep sleep. He couldn't see him, just a mass of covers.

He looked at the lower bed…

Raz was asleep.

Lying on her side, in a fetus-like position, she was hugging her pillow as her hair made a pool of black-blue ink spread over her back, shoulder and bed, mixed with the darkness around. He almost chuckled at this sight, it was almost as if nothing had changed at all when he looked at her now…

She still slept in the same position, it seemed.

" _She_ really _trusts you, Allen…"_ He reflected, not without some surprise as he remembered days lost in the past. Raziah had always been instinctively unable to fall asleep if she was too close of someone she had no trust in unless her body was too tired to avoid it. It wasn't something she had control over, it just _happened…_

Neah knew the reasons behind this.

Hell, they all did…

He was still surprised that she was here and with Allen. But then again, a lot of things had taken him by surprise once he had fully woken up.

In an impulse, he reached his hand to her…

He wondered what she would do if she woke up and saw him in control of Allen's body. Someone might think that what she had told the man about how Allen was her brother to be a dramatic and over sentimental act…

He _knew_ her. He knew how serious it was for _her_ to say something like that.

Even when the Earl had found her after the waking of her Noah genes, it had taken time for her to be at ease with them… He remembered those days, when the Earl had brought her and how she would…

He sighed. His hand fell at his side.

He also remembered when they had seen each other after he had started to kill the other members of the Clan.

Among thoughts of the past, Neah recalled the record of Timcampy of Allen finding her, sealed in the White Ark in a state that wasn't unlike comatose.

He let his hand rest on his side, still watching her.

" _Perhaps it would have been better if you had remained asleep, my friend…"_

* * *

 **Ana: Things are heating up.**

 **Lavi: So, can I get out of this Hell hole?**

 **Ana: Who knows? Allen is certainly planning to do something, but... When do fights against the Noah go well?**

 **Lavi: Don't remind me...**

 **Road: Excuse me, do you mind telling me why I haven't appeared yet?  
**

 **Sheryl: I must say, I would like an answer for this too.**

 **Devit: Better yet! What about me and Jasdero?**

 **Jasdero: Yeah, hiii!**

 **Ana: ... Uh... Well, I have a lot of characters...**

 **Road ( _sweet smile):_ And?**

 **Ana: Well, I...**

 **Road: I'm just starting to be a little impatient, you know?**

 **Ana: ... Uh, any help here?**

 _ **Mephiles:** Like I said, things are heating up. And whatever Allen is planning, let's be honest, can we believe for a second that it will be easy? _

_Allen: And she says she likes us._

 _Ana: I do, but what's the fun in a story when things are always easy and simple?_

 _Allen: Nothing here has been "easy and simple"!_

 _Ana: My point!_

 _Lavi: ... Are you sure you're not an Akuma?_

 _Ana: Hey!_

 ** _jy24:_** _Actually, you know how I planned this whole thing during Hoshino's huge hiatus after the chapter Allen meets the Earl in that alley? Well, this was also before it was revealed that he is Mana and he and Neah were once a single being. So, what I mean is that, in this story I'm not following it. I would have to change_ everything _to follow this, so... In here, Neah and Mana are really just brothers and the Earl isn't Mana. Sorry if you wanted to see this here..._

 _Neah: Oh, well, I'm still Allen's uncle._

 _Allen: Sure, an uncle who is trying to possess me._

 _Neah: I love ya, nephew._

 _Ana: But on another hand, there is what I planned regarding the Earl, the whole deal with how Neah knew Allen thirty five years ago, where Apocryphos fits in this war..._

 _Kanda: I'm just accepting being a General to be have a better access to some secrets of the Order, nothing more._

 _Allen: It... It hurt a lot. Timcampy has been with me since Cross took me in as apprentice... I never thought he could be destroyed like this..._

 _Ana: Blame Apocryphos for this one._

Guys, thanks so much for following this story. I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas!


	21. Act Twenty One – Pray for Dreams

_"Nothing can drive one closer to his own insanity than a haunting memory refusing its own death" –_ Darnella Ford.

 **Act Twenty One – Pray for Dreams  
**

 _She was sitting under the sunlight that hugged her body, imprinting the warmth in her flesh as a pleasant scent filled the air._

 _Around, the wild-looking grass surrounded grew as an eternal sea of green that reflected the sunlight just like the waves would. She heard a giggle as a pair of arms wrapped her shoulders from behind._

 _Words were being said, but they sounded as if they came from under the sea and there was no sense to be taken from there. A light pressure in her head told her of something was placed on it, but she didn't lift her hand to touch or tried to see what it was. Now another voice joined the first, from a figure whose face she couldn't make out._

 _Then there was someone else, a third person. Sounds became more frequent, making an indiscernible conversation though she could make out differences in the voices: Cadence and sound._

 _She didn't know who those people were, but the sensation of having them nearby was good._

 _She stood with the first person who had been hugging her as a fourth voice sounded over the conversation, which could be a mutter of the wind in the plants and there wouldn't be a difference since her mind couldn't process the words… They turned, to the person who had called them and…_

 _Then she was sitting again, this time in which seemed to be a white windowsill and it wasn't the sun that held her, but a melody and a voice. Soon her own voice joined the song, in a tentatively way, before she stood to sit in the floor, back leaning in the white piano._

 _Who was there with her? The person playing was someone she felt she should know, as if it was obvious. Were there more people in the room? Wait... It seemed that there was...  
_

 _She looked around, but once more she was in an open space… It didn't look like a field, though. The ground was humid under her feet and a tall person was approaching her._

 _The person placed a strand of hair behind the ear and said something. She still couldn't see the face, or even know if it was a man or a woman… Her bare foot touched something smooth and suddenly she knew she was stepping on blood and flesh._

 _Her eyes lowered and the girl saw the shadow of a body, a mass of meat wrapped in skin and then suddenly there were white things around that were still moving, the loose pieces hitting each other in a tlec-tlec-tlec that mocked laughter or screams or…_

 _Darkness was back._

 _The bones united, making a being of several members in which hands and skulls and spines were mixed, whipping the air as fingers. Each movement a cacophony and voices whispered between them._

 _And again, she was tripping in the dark, trying to run and run from someone who chased her. The bites of the blade in her flesh bleed openly and the smell of her own blood dominated her nostrils… She was breaking inside, in every sense and couldn't breathe…_

 _And suddenly there were voices again, however they sounded different than what she had heard until now. Almost_ solid _in their clarity, they didn't come from any figure, but from the air around and were fresher._

" _A Noah_ can never _escape from_ another _Noah"_

 _She_ knew _that voice, or at least a part of her brain that kept knowledge connected to some sort of conscience free of dreams seemed to. She ran and ran…_

 _The owner of the voice was within her reach, but another voice of more power tore the air around._

" _Neah… Raz… It's_ me _… Why are you running?"_

 _Those golden eyes she knew so well gleamed in the dark and yet, she felt there were more eyes watching, though she couldn't see them._

 _It was no use, she_ was afraid. _While a part of her wanted to run towards the voices, to the warmth they had, at the same time she wanted to get away from them and the girl couldn't understand either of those feelings._

" _Oh, don't worry. We would never let something bad happen to our dear, stubborn and lost_ little siblings."

"It's me…"

 _She cried in the darkness, not knowing if she was telling them to leave her alone or if she was crying to them to find her, that she missed them so much… She wanted to see them again... There were whispers around her, meaningless._

" _There is no place for you in this world except with us"_

 _The scent of flowers mixed with blood._

 _Laughter that turned into screaming._

" _It was like this with the Fourteenth of thirty five years ago as well. You should remember this, Raz."_

 _No! She didn't! She didn't remember! And she didn't_ want _to, she felt something deep in that place, deep in herself and, oh, God, she didn't want to remember any of it, please!_

 _She fell in the floor and raised her arms in defense, expecting the pain she_ knew _would come…_

 _She expected the new wound…_

 _A bite of a skull, the whip of a spine…_

 _But what came to her was a pleasant warmth in her forehead…_

 _Something rubbing her forehead softly… Though it took just some seconds, for her it felt like long moments until she_ understood _someone was caressing her… She knew and didn't know who, but the fear was fading…_

 _That person… She couldn't see, but the touch was kind…_

 _That touch was gentle, caring..._

 _Voices were calling her once more and they didn't cause mixed feelings this time, one become higher at each call as the touch faded to the lake of her mind…_

"Raz… Are you awake now?"

"Y-Yeah… I'm up… Ugh" She muttered sleepily as she sat up. Under her skin, a light shiver still lurked in her flesh though it was weak enough to remain hidden.

"You were twisting around" Allen commented thoughtful. It had been a while since he saw Raz doing that in her sleep. The Noah ran her hand through her hair, putting some strands away as she thought about her dream, trying to focus more in that part of the dream with a person who had been petting her than the sensation of blood and flesh under her feet.

She knew it hadn't been Allen. That touch (as well as the rest, or at least most of the dream) had been made of fragments of her memories, shattered and whose pieces floated in the red river of her blood.

"Nightmare again…" She confirmed simply as she tried to retain of the sounds and images, pulling them as she would to a line hoping to get something tangled in it and get some sense of it.

If at least there was more context and things weren't so foggy.

Allen just nodded in understanding, aware that it was probably related to the latter events. He wouldn't be shocked if meeting the Earl hadn't triggered something in her organism and mind, but he said nothing even with the words itching his throat.

He had been surprised himself to wake up and realize he had fallen asleep almost immediately last night… After everything (feeling Apocryphos, meeting the Earl and being attacked, the vision of that woman whose name he didn't know, learning that Lavi was captured, being found by Apocryphos and seeing what he had done to Suman) he had thought that despite his exhaustion he would take hours to settle down and finally get sleep, perhaps with nightmares…

He didn't think he had had any dream. Or, if he had, he had forgotten upon waking up.

Thank God for small blessings.

Raz stretched her shoulders and back as she stood, the anklet (that she never took off) tinkling with the movement of her foot.

She wanted to be able to remember something about Neah and Mana, and tell Allen, but she barely could remember _them…_ Just some blurry lines of their faces that weren't even enough… She knew the person playing the piano in her dream _should_ be Neah, it was easy to conclude this after Allen had told her about the piano room in the Ark.

"Anything about Apocryphos?" She asked instead of commenting the subject. "Any sign of him?"

"Nothing. I at least didn't feel him again" He replied with an objective tone, though this was only good. In the moment, he wanted to focus in helping Lavi and Bookman and it would be even harder to do so with that creature's threat breathing down in his neck.

Raz nodded. Allen had heard Tyki and Road referring to that as a "clue" to find the Heart, an Innocence that existed to protect it. If that was what had made her feel that wave of hate or the knowledge of what if had done, it made no difference.

Even if she knew she wouldn't have had chances…

With their back to each other, they exchanged as Allen told her Johnny was in the room at the side with the others (staying in the perimeter allowed by the shackles) and he was thinking they could take a stroll through the city to be sure it was safe.

As they left the room, the boy suddenly asked.

"You know we need to understand what happened… To Mana and Neah"

It wasn't a subject Raz wanted to deal with right after that nightmare without sense and with blurred images from the past mixing with voices that she had heard recently, but still.

" _I did think Walker was a name he would use,_ why _would I think that?"_

"I know…" She agreed quietly. "The circus, right?"

Allen seemed saddened by this and he sighed. It wasn't as if they had another option… Well, they had, but they didn't want that.

"Yeah… You know, maybe… Maybe they knew something of Mana, maybe he commented where he came or another circus he worked in?" True that by going after the circus _he_ had been in, Allen was also trying to learn where he had come from himself and that there was the chance they wouldn't get any information of Mana with this…

Hand went to his pocket, playing with the button.

But he would go back to that idea after helping Lavi and Bookman.

"It may not end up in anything" He told her and shrugged. "We can try, though"

They exchanged looks carried with knowledge.

"It's the safest way" Raz commented as if the thought had been put into words. "With the other options…" That would be getting in contact with Neah or the Earl himself.

None of them were tempting. Or comforting.

"Yes…" He said as they headed to the other room, but Allen held Raz's wrist for a moment. He would give her the space she needed to sort things out within herself regarding those matters, but he felt like he had to ask that, even if it seemed to be a stupid question."Raz… You want to know about yourself too. Right?"

" _But in her case, we really would have to talk to one of the Noah… Either the Earl or Road or Neah…"_

The girl looked in his eyes, head tilted to the side. Her eyes lowered… Allen thought that was strange.

"I… I don't know anymore…" She muttered quietly, making Allen blink.

After the sensations of yesterday, Raz honestly wasn't sure anymore that she wanted to remember what she had forgotten.

She felt cold.

Allen looked at her quietly for a second and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Look, Raz… Even if there _is_ something bad in your memories, I think you still want to know." He knew that there could be things in her past that were dark. With her being a Noah, that was practically a given. "We will find a way, so don't push yourself or worry too much… "

He caressed her head a little, unaware this made her think again of whoever had once caressed her in a similar fashion.

"Let's just keep going forward, okay?"

 **XxX**

To know something was necessary didn't make the act pleasant or easy and Kanda knew it. His return had already been huge news in the Order and his promotion to General was known to others, making the subject all the more interesting.

And, as if it couldn't be different, the conversation (gossip, he would call it) had grown a little. The samurai couldn't be caring less about what people said about him, though it was irritating to feel he was observed by the corner of eyes as he passed by and that some people were whispering about him.

The return had been worse than he had thought. Most people probably wouldn't even understand how much. The feeling he had always had while in the Order was of being in a cage and it had grown stronger.

His irritation had no end. And the hate that he had been able to tame before increased in intensity in such a way that he sometimes felt his body would melt inside out if he didn't do something to get free of it. And although there was no pleasure in this and it didn't help at anything, Kanda couldn't push those sensations to the corner of himself where there were no feelings: All that hate kept burning as a drug naturally made by his body in a way he couldn't get rid of it anymore.

So, any excuse to leave was more than welcome. After his time away from the Order (it hadn't been too much, but taking in accounts the details of his leaving and the way), he was almost like an animal who had once more learned the potential of his own claws, the sensation of freedom and no longer could control himself like before.

Or maybe he didn't want to.

Tiedoll had said he hated the Order.

He had been wrong.

Even hate was a far a weak term, too simple and soft to all he felt.

So, under this viewpoint, even the Moyashi's suicide tendencies were welcome if he could use it to leave once more. Not that he had been shocked by the white haired brat's words.

Perhaps it would have been more sensate to wait until the heat of the news he had became died a little, yet Kanda had never been a patient man when there were more important matters at hand. And truth to be told, the faster they took the stupid rabbit out of the Noah's domain, the better.

Before they got bored enough to get rid of him and the old man.

So, he merely told Komui he had particular business to deal with him and that was enough. At least he could make use of his new acquired authority.

"Why don't we leave a little anyway, _General_?" Komui suggested in a cheerful tone, having already expressed his joy for his return in the last day before the reunion (and only Kanda's threat of slicing him up had made him stop fussing like a child). "I don't know about you, but it would also be good to ask Lenalee to bring some coffee later. And she will be so happy to see you!"

Kanda remained in silence. He would have expected being lead to his office, but saw no reason to refuse, so he followed the Chinese men through the hallways.

"You know I have an… Unit now" He recalled him, not needing to pretend the displeasure in his voice. Komui just nodded happily as they went down stairs. One of the _usual_ reasons for him to look like that tended to mean he had built a new Komurin.

"Yes, Noise Marie and Miranda Lotto, I know, I was there, General." He smiled at Kanda in the way that always irritated him. Usually because it was followed by a stupid comment. "Why, they are like siblings and since you get along well with Marie too, I can see the Unit is going to be very successful! Perhaps they will even make you smile more, it would be cute, actually!"

Kanda really wondered if it would do much harm to slice Komui's tongue off.

"I never had much contact with Lotto" He said between teeth, as if this was of no matter. "I don't know much about her competence"

Komui just went on to comment about her Innocence and missions she had had and other details. Kanda kept a roll of eyes to himself and decided to let him blabber as he pretended to pay fully attention, mumbling at some points of the talk.

It weren't those details what interested him, he actually knew a little about her.

He soon realized Komui wasn't leading him to the cafeteria, despite having commented about a coffee.

And the samurai cast him a cold glance when the Supervisor left the doors to get under the sun, starting to walk through the gardens of the Order. The man just looked at him with a purposely innocent expression.

"Komui…" Kanda started, distrust agitating in him. If the idiot tried to ask him anything about the Moyashi, he would deny and go straight to what he wanted. He wasn't completely sure he could trust him with that particular subject.

"I think it is good that Marie and Miranda are in the same unit for this as well, I said they work well together" When she had arrived, Miranda was almost like a shy kitten, unable to believe in herself. While she was still shy, he could feel more firmness from her lately. Thinking about it, it seemed she got along well with Reever too.

"Komui" Kanda cut him with a voice of blade against flesh. He wasn't going to enter a dance of words disguising what was being truly said. "Why are we here, particularly?" He had suggested the left the Science Department room, not the building itself.

"I thought it would be quite obvious" The Supervisor replied, turning his face to the sky and studying the weather with a soft expression. "I'm not sure if there aren't any listening devices in my office. The gardens are spacious and safer in this point. And it would be harder to not notice someone listening to us. Especially you"

Kanda didn't disagree in that point of view (neither that he would spot someone spying on them easier than in a room full of people or through hallways, even more with people gossiping about the "new General"), but that wasn't enough for him to just go into the subject of the Moyashi, so he remained silence as he waited for more words he could analyze before making a decision about the man.

Komui, on another hand, almost laughed. And it was a nice sensation that seemed to wash his interior, for there hadn't been many reasons to laugh lately. To someone outside, things seemed to be back to normal after a while and people "got used" to the new situation, with Exorcists leaving for missions, trying to search and get Innocence back, his Department involved in researches and analyzes…

It wasn't what he felt. And he knew the same applied to Lenalee.

Now he saw that Kanda hadn't changed, he was still someone who didn't let himself be distracted when his mind was set in something and who could also be quite distrustful.

"Kanda, you never change" He said placing his hands on the pockets of his white coat with a whisper that barely held a smile. " _You've_ met Allen, haven't you?"

Before the lack of answers, he carried on.

"I doubt you would be back if you didn't have reasons to. Just being found by Tiedoll? It doesn't sound like enough. I think you may have seen him or were in search of him"

The samurai had to control himself to not touch his arm. The strange marks were gone and he wondered once more what had been the true cause. In the last night, he had considered that perhaps it was nothing related to the process of a Fallen One and now this possibility came back to his mind. Just the thought made something in his blood to agitate a little, but he paid it no mind.

"And?" He asked impartially, in a tone that didn't confirm or denied Komui's suspicions.

"How is he? If you found him… I mean, he is fine, isn't he? He wasn't caught by the Noah?" Komui couldn't help letting the anxiety for news appear in his voice, still if he tried to hold on, as if only seeing Kanda somehow confirmed that Allen was fine. He knew he could ask him, Kanda had several reasons to not want Allen dead and almost none to be true loyal to the organization.

The samurai kept a sarcastic scoff.

" _Oh, he wasn't caught, but he is_ traveling _with one. And do you want to know the_ big _part? A detail that would make the Central all agitated? The damn girl didn't even remember her own name when the Moyashi found her. Now she doesn't leave his side and seemed about to cut my head off when she thought we were taking him back, what about this?"_

That not to mention the group of Ex-members of the Order.

He gave Komui a nasty parody of smile.

"What if I told you he became a Noah? That the Fourteenth won?"

Komui's face became paler, but he fought to keep his head held high.

He refused to believe it.

"Allen would fight it. It doesn't matter how the Central sees him, I _know_ him" And there was also the fact that Allen had sworn he would kill himself if he felt that happening just so his friends wouldn't have to be the ones to carry the burden. And for what he knew of Kanda, he could bet the man would have done so if this had happened.

But Kanda seemed calm… Well, "calm" wasn't the term, he was in his usual mood, so Komui assumed this was a positive signal.

Kanda weighed what he knew of Komui and what he heard now. In the end, Komui wasn't someone known for his love to the Central or Levelier either. In Kanda's opinion, he was one of the most perfect examples of a complete fool, but this was not synonym of being an idiot (at least not in this subject).

And it wouldn't be possible to remain in that game without allies.

"He is still an annoying Moyashi, if that is what you want to know"

Despite the confidence of before, there was relief in Komui's eyes that came from the confirmation and he observed Kanda, expecting more details as a traveler in the desert longs for water. But this was even more, it was the anxiety of a friend who had no news of other for far too long and knows this person may be dead or worse.

"The Noah are after him, but he is on the run. He seems to be fighting to not be taken over by the Fourteenth" Kanda thought it would be best to stop there. He didn't think it was sensate to just tell everything at once, including about the Noah girl and the Exiled. It wasn't enough for Komui, though.

"What about Johnny? He left the Order with an excuse, but we're sure he went after Allen too…"

"I left him with the Moyashi" Kanda grumbled, already bored with the questions. He had no doubts Lenalee and the others would ask the same things. Well, in their case at least they could meet the Moyashi themselves and ask him personally, if all went according to plan.

"And how those months have been to him? How he…"

Ignoring Komui's need for details, he went straight to the point.

"And he wants to go help the stupid rabbit"

To his relief, the man was quiet. A thousand questions still claimed to be solved and there was much he wanted to know about Allen, but it all retreated before what Komui had just heard about the missing friend.

"Does he know where Lavi is?" He asked in a whisper, as if he had been punched. After so many months, they haven't given up hope, but to finally have news of Lavi and Bookman almost made his heart stop. "Is... Is he alive?"

Suddenly the air around had become too quiet.

Almost as in that memory Kanda had of his another life, a _true_ life, of a field of flowers pointing to the sky, wrapped in silence as his body, already unable to feel anything (even pain), laying still and useless until a bang broke the peace and an akuma's face dominated his view, because of course not even death would be peaceful, they wouldn't allow it…

He cut the thought, focusing on the present. And he didn't like that particular thought, it was among one of the many things that chained him and threw him to a deep corner of his mind where memories like that and thoughts he didn't admit had created a personal Hell for him.

"He learned, from a Noah's mouth, that they have Lavi and Bookman" Kanda didn't need to look around to know there was no one around, not with his senses. "And he decided to go rescue them, but he doesn't have enough strength to do this alone"

" _Typical of Allen…"_ Komui thought, unable to hide a smile.

"Therefore, you need a mission with Miranda and Marie to be able to leave and go offer support" Komui concluded and frowned. "It wouldn't be a bad idea to sent Krory and Lenalee too…" Speaking like this, it sounded simple, but he could imagine how dangerous this would be and his mouth felt dry. Even if he knew that neither Lenalee nor Krory or Miranda would refuse once they heard of it. "Well, they are from Klaud's unit, but I guess…"

"Can they be _trusted?"_ He didn't need to say he referred to Lotto and Marie, the latter could have been with him in Tiedoll's unit for years and he knew him, but in this point, Kanda needed to know who trusted _Moyashi._

"I believe so, but you can talk to them and take your own conclusions" As Komui was sure he would. That was not a game and they had to be careful, otherwise Allen could end up in the dungeons (or worse) again and they would be in serious trouble. "Regarding my sister and Krory… You know them." He held his chin as he started to think. "Hmm… I could send them to missions in places not far from each other, so you could pick a train and meet later or something…"

Komui was about to ask Kanda how he would get in contact with Allen to know where he was and how to inform him of a place when speaking of Lenalee and Krory also made the samurai think about Klaud. She had been the one to suggest keeping those two in her unit and gave him that strange advice regarding Sokaro.

Not that it had been necessary, Kanda did know a few things about the General.

Even so, he couldn't stop himself from asking.

"What is the deal with Klaud Nine?"

 **XxX**

The General in question was leaving her room, having taken a bath after an intensive session of training. Lau was in her shoulder as always, the tail wrapped in her neck. Her blonde hair was still humid and fell over her shoulders.

Though she kept her usual posture, her mind went over each thought with the objectivity of someone analyzing the possible movements in a chess game, which perhaps wasn't a bad comparison.

In the last night, she had informed Timothy about the changes in units and how he would be under Tiedoll's care now, though she would still be his "teacher" when time allowed and help in his studies. The boy had been bothered by the change, but had accepted it. As for Tiedoll, he had been very excited with the perspective and she had no doubt that he was probably talking to Timothy right now in what he would call "Establishing Bonds between a Master and a Pupil"

" _If he ends up calling Tim "son", I think he will end up more like Kanda in the question of mood"_ The idea was almost funny. But to be sincere, Klaud thought it could be good if Tim did end up seeing Tiedoll as a sort of father figure, he was a child and needed care. Regarding if he could end up with a "Kanda-Like" temperament, well...

Speaking of which… She didn't have many doubts that Kanda probably still remained loyal to Walker, not after all the case of Alma Karma, which wasn't a secret to anyone (and just an idiot with suicide or insane tendencies would try to speak of this with samurai), but the other questions remained.

She didn't know who _else_ was.

In her other missions, she had used Lau's sense of smell to try finding out if Walker was around. Though his senses were above those of a normal monkey, this was not his specialty. Not that Klaud had expected much different, yet there was some disappointment all the same, she knew meeting Walker that time had been just by chance…

" _Chance and the fact he really seems to be unable to avoid destroying akumas when he feels their presence"_ Even when it would have been safer for him to ignore when he had realized the akuma in question had been fighting her, even more considering in which company he was in.

" _But that's not just it. All goes back to the same point, the Fourteenth. The Order was created ages ago, there_ must _be registers of battles from thirty five years ago…"_ There wouldn't be info of the Noah in personal levels that would explain all this, but perhaps there was something useful.

" _Not that the Central hasn't thought of this yet. Those reports must being well kept and most probably have been revised several times."_

Still, Klaud would have liked to take a look at them, even if just to take it off her mind.

The question would be how to get to this without being found out. To ask for those reports would be possible due to her position, yet it would cause some questions and if she had managed to go all this time without being under watch, she would rather kept it that way. The way the Central was, even asking for those files could place her under suspicion.

" _And that's not the only question, is it?"_ She wondered looking through a window. From the glass, her pale reflection stared at her, the scar in her face looking even more evident. " _There is also the question of what I'll do… If at least I could…"_

"General Klaud?" A known voice called her.

At the end of the hallway, there was Alistair Krory.

Klaud tilted her head to the side, recalling the last time they had exchange words.

"Alistair Krory" She greeted him, part if her wondering with some amusement if she should call him "pupil" just to check his reaction. She could see by his eyes and the straight hair that his Innocence was not activated.

The vampire approached. Klaud studied him with interested, imagining what he meant to say.

"I've been informed that I'm now part of your unit with Lenalee" He said in a polite way as to start a conversation, his speech soft. The blonde woman remained quiet, once more thinking if Allen Walker could count with Krory's loyalty. Lately, the thought seemed to pull an automatic positive sensation.

What was left was if he still would be loyal once he learned Walker was in company of a Noah. This detail could break trust and she didn't know Krory enough to affirm this wouldn't be the case for sure.

And considering how some people had reacted upon knowing from Chaozii that Walker had wanted to save the life of a Noah in the Ark… It wasn't hard to imagine what would happen if this detail _ever_ came to light.

" _But he didn't get bothered by this."_ Yes, but to save an enemy and to be traveling with one weren't quite different things? She wouldn't be the one at risk if she spoke to the wrong person, it would be Walker.

So, she decided to still act on her own for a while longer.

"Indeed. With Kanda's return, there was a complete readjust in the units" She replied simply.

"But I've heard the general idea came from you" It wasn't an accusation, it was more a comment that sounded almost innocent. Krory studied the woman in front of him, wondering what had led her to do this. It wasn't as if they were friends and she could have kept Timothy and Lenalee in her unit instead of that whole change, as Komui had told him upon informing him that Sokaro would no longer be his General.

Klaud just looked at him, nothing in her face denouncing the nature of her thoughts. The scar, as ramified as a cruel star cut her face, the skin there was a little lighter and even seemed slightly sunk. Whatever had happened, it was a miracle that she hadn't lost her eyes.

"I judged that, since something like this would be necessary anyway, it would be best if the groups were formed by people who work fine together"

"A well professional justification" Krory nodded in that almost shyly way that she noticed to be his more natural state when his Innocence was not activated. "But… I do wonder if it is just that. I mean" He added. "The others also work well with Lenalee, Timothy included"

In all this, there was just one question: Why had she seemed to want to keep Krory and Lenalee together just like Miranda and Marie? Timothy would stay with Tiedoll and Chaozii, but the boy didn't know Allen as well as the others. Her justification had been well accepted by the Central, since they hadn't seen things under this angle.

Well, this wouldn't have made much difference, maybe, since Levelier had already interrogated them.

"Yes, but you have known each other for longer. And Kanda is not known for his ability in groups, but Marie was from his unit" She insisted in the same approach. Krory leaned a little to her and though this was nothing like the time they had spoken when she was in Allen's previous room, something in his dark eyes seemed to touch her veins to make them shiver as puppet's strings.

"Or it is because we've known _Allen_ for longer?"

Klaud tilted her head to the side, with an expression almost of amusement.

"Are you questioning the decisions of your _General,_ Alistair Krory?" In the moment this left her mouth, she was a little surprised. Where had _this_ come from? She wasn't one who used to jest and there hadn't been seriousness enough in her voice to disguise this as a threat. Krory straightened as he blinked to her, apparently too caught off guard to realize it.

"No, by any means" He said a little fast and hesitated before being clear. "But I would like to know what you truly have in your mind." It wasn't a lie and neither a morbid curiosity as others could interpret it, but while Klaud Nine was among the people who kept quiet about her opinion regarding Allen, there was something about the woman who had picked up his "suspicion" (to use the better term, because he had no idea what was going on in her mind).

In the last time, he had been in a more nervous state and later wondered if he would be reprimanded for the behavior that could have created suspicions and had almost expected a return to Levelier's room, his senses picking up someone watching him or even comments about him, but nothing had happened. Not that her behavior had been less curious or her words hadn't differed much in nature…

Klaud hesitated, something not very common. She was also remembering the same occasion and how Krory had insisted in knowing what she had been doing in Walker's room, almost acting as someone waiting for the occupant's return. They had had exchanged words later, but this had been the occasion that stood out in their minds.

"You trust Walker, don't you?"

The question had a new softness and made that whisper honey slipping down the trunk of some exotic tree, almost like vanilla.

Krory kept his head held high to that. In the state things were, while a confirmation could not be enough for a new interrogatory, it sure could be the seed for rumors and comments…

"Now and forever" He replied in an iron voice, though not without the usual gentleness.

" _Not even a hesitation, he didn't even blink"_ Klaud evaluated, not without admiration and nodded, a light sensation finding birth in her.

"I can only say I believe" She muttered passing by him, feeling the warmth of his body when their arms brushed. "That you have good reasons for this"

 **XxX**

The others watched in silence while the white haired man kept his eyes closed. He could be asleep if the muscles of his face weren't slightly hardened under the skin in an expression of deep concentration, some strands of his hair falling over his eyes.

Finally, he opened his eyes.

Sheryl soon was standing and Wisely lifted his hand in a signal to the other Noah to stop where he was.

"She is fine. Her recuperation is demanding too much, but she must be back to us soon. Maybe in a week or less." He told them calmly after some minutes of communication with Road, something allowed only to him due to his mental abilities.

"Don't be like this, Sheryl" Tyki said upon seeing the disappointment in his brother's eyes. He knew very well that in those four months and some days, he had missed Road terribly. Not that the others didn't feel the same, but they weren't that expressive (or so intense) on it as the Noah of Desire. "You already had the confirmation she _is_ recovering"

"But it's taking too long!" The other had a tone that could be either indignation or nervousness. Tyki had no words for this, he knew Sheryl's worry for Road was genuine, but he would have liked if his half brother was less expansive about it. There were moments he wondered what the papers would say if they ever saw this side of the Prime Minister. "Is she fine? Is she _truly_ fine?"

"Yes, Sheryl" Wisely replied without exasperation, shrugging. "I told you, her recuperation is going normal, she _is_ doing well, no permanent damage. Give it some more days and she will be back"

The Noah of Desire didn't look more satisfied, but took his seat once more, a corner of his mouth with a nervous tic-like move while he crossed his legs, one of them with wounds still fresh caused by Apocryphos.

"I don't like this at all" He grumbled, crossing his arms, the fingers looking more like long claws than anything else. The situation truly wasn't what the Clan considered positive. The plan of using Allen Walker as bait had worked until luring Apocryphos out and forcing him to leave the human disguise enough so they could localize him.

Then nothing had followed the plan anymore.

"That damn thing even escaped" Maashima recalled with a growl that wasn't usual in him. "The same for Walker and Raziah…" It was hard to say what bothered him more, the first matter or the second. Tyki knew he was usually a patient man, but they all had their limits.

"He didn't even stay to fight for long, he was far more interested in get the Fourteenth" Sheryl said with something that was close to despise, but this time for the creature. His dislike for the Fourteenth and Allen Walker alike paled when Apocryphos was involved. The nature of Noah brought with it a caring for the other family members that was as a natural as breathing… Even if with the Fourteenth things were more complex.

Tyki could feel this familiar sensation mixed with bitter hate for he who had committed the worst of sins: To raise his blade against the family and their leader. It was all of the Fourteenth that had lasted as a "memory"

"His priority is to absorb Walker" That was a light way of saying it, if someone asked Maashima, it was more like obsession and while he had seen pretty messed up things (even before waking as a Noah), Apocryphos was enough to make his stomach turn. "He concluded we would be trying to get him and decided it was better to chase him than staying…" Despite how much he longed to kill the Noah Clan. Another possibility would be that he was weaker than they had imagined and hadn't wanted to risk a fight where he felt in disadvantage, but Maashima and the others knew it wasn't that.

Even more after checking their wounds.

" _What that thing has is a_ fucking _focus in what it wants"_

"This we know" Sheryl went on with a sigh, controlling his own anxiety in go back to the subject of his (adoptive) daughter's recovering and turning to Wisely. "He hasn't been seen more than 7.000 years, right?"

"Give it or take it. Since the Three Days of Darkness" The other confirmed. That had happened so long ago that even his own memories were foggy, as memories from childhood. "Oh, well. I suppose the Earl is done using Walker as bait after this…" He suggested in a soft tone, a smile coming to his eyes.

There was almost a certainty in this. He and Tyki had arrived at time to realize their leader had completely lost his self control upon seeing Walker after feeling the agitation of the Noah genes and seeing Raziah in person for the first time since he had felt her presence once more. That behavior actually wasn't common and it had left the Noah of Wisdom and Pleasure almost without reaction.

Having news that Apocryphos had lost the others, hurting them in his escape, hadn't done a thing to improve anyone's mood. The Earl had given orders to retreat and, after being sure the wounds of the others weren't serious, he had isolated himself in his room, promising they would talk later.

Wisely had heard him whimpering and knew he was crying.

While the failure of getting something useful out of Apocryphos was infuriating, the escape of Allen and Raziah, plus the sudden remembrance of things that had happened so many years ago had been a poison that made even breathing painful. Wisely couldn't deny he shared the sensation… Even he, who carried the actual memories of previous incarnations had to say there were things that were better off forgotten and buried…

Ironically, those were the memories that sometimes you couldn't forget. Mental scars that tended to open from time to time.

Maashima chuckled to himself, the usual smile of relaxation coming back to his strong features.

" _Suppose?_ I still can't believe those two got away!" He said as if this amused him more than annoyed. "I just hope now we can be _serious_ about it and not just let them wander around like this"

Wisely had a cruel smile, perhaps remembering Raz's reaction of when he had teased them with his telepathy speaking of the redheaded Exorcist.

"Oh, true" He nodded mocking. "It's so dangerous for them to be wandering around, lost and clueless…"

In this point, Tyki agreed with Maashima. It had felt more like watching a game than taking part once all they had had permission to do was watch over them in the event of finding the two, like him and Sheryl had done back in Liverpool. And considering they had their own missions and their "younger siblings" per say were traveling all the time and the boy could feel akumas from a great distance, this idea of watching them wasn't as easy as this could sound.

" _But you're kinda of doing well, boy"_ He thought of Allen Walker. " _No doubt, you're more interesting than the night you got out of the Order"_ And when he had met him again in the Forest of Lights, he had been satisfied to see that, despite all, Allen Walker hadn't let the events break him completely. Tyki hadn't been kidding when, in the Battles of the White Ark, he had said he would rather to keep liking the boy like he was.

And he still would prefer if Walker would just stop that nonsense and _accept_ his Noah genes, joining them as "Allen Walker" than being taken over by Neah.

The boy was truly showing an interesting "black and white", as Tyki had hoped for.

Raz wasn't bad herself. Back when he had met her the first time, she seemed more like a doe trying to act tough. _Cute_ , but he hadn't had to make any effort to hold her down... Which, despite being interesting in a first meeting, would get boring soon.

Now he almost regretted not being present when the Earl had tried to hold them by force, just to see how she had done. In the end, she was showing an interesting "black and white" too and not due to her situation (which he hadn't thought much of) and refusal to come back (which was painful due to the natural feelings of family and _annoying_ if someone asked him personally).

It was curious, if you compared the situations of those two and how they insisted in being (to use Wisely's term which was quite accurate) stubborn.

" _For how long more we will be able to play until you both get a clue and come to us? You're both luck you're not here tied up now!"_ Despite their own anxiety to get them, Tyki still considered this would be a boring way to end the game (even more because he hadn't had opportunity to actively _play_ yet). Wisely gave him a look of who shares a secret.

"It would be so, no doubt. Even more since perhaps now we can enjoy chasing them a little more… Plus, it _would_ be better if they came to their senses." He clapped and made a sweet smile as he said in a mocking-sad voice. "You were right, we do _belong_ here with our family, we're _sorry_ we took so long to realize it…"

Though he doubted any of them, be Allen or Raz, would say anything of this sort, Tyki just hissed.

"Didn't I tell you to stop reading my mind?" He ignored when the Noah of Wisdom lifted his brow in saying he had no idea of what Tyki was talking about.

"Didn't you inform Walker about the red haired and the old geezer?" Maashima recalled while Sheryl assumed an inexpressible front with the subject. "Maybe he will decide to surrender in exchange of letting them go. For what you said, it sounds something he would do…" That had been Wisely's intention when telling him, besides the cruel teasing (which he considered more of playful).

Tyki wasn't _so_ sure. This could sound like the only way, but he doubted Walker would just go for it without trying anything else. You couldn't deny he was a fighter.

"That may be so, but there are also those other Accommodators that are with him" Sheryl almost spit the word as if it was a swearing. "They could try to stop him" Not that the group's existence worried them at all, anyway.

"And did you talk to Road about Raz? Or the boy?" Tyki asked suddenly. After all Road _had_ _known_ Raz as much as the Millennium Earl and they had no way of knowing if she had felt the girl's reappearance, even if it had been right after she had been hit by Apocryphos.

He didn't know if he wanted to imagine her reaction, he knew well his niece and how she could be.

"It isn't easy to keep the communication with her in this state, it is too deep in her "Dream". I thought it would be better to ask how she was and let her rest. Speaking of Walker would already make her agitated and I don't even imagine how it would be if I spoke of Raziah." He said with genuine care, not teasing or lying about this, he could remember how the relationship between the two girls had been.

Road was almost healed, but this communication still needed much energy. It wasn't unlike a sick person, she needed rest and Wisely would rather not bother her so much.

The Noah of Wisdom stood up, raising his arms over his head as if stretching.

"I _do_ think she will lament not seeing that performance of them, though" He said. Tyki ended up agreeing on this, holding a chuckle. Never, not in a million of years, he had thought he would see the boy dressed like that and even _singing._

Even if his past of street performer wasn't a secret anymore ever since Road had heard him commenting about it with Lenalee Lee in the Rewinding Town.

" _To_ know _one thing and to_ see _it are very different things"_ He reflected as he thought about the performance he and Wisely had watched from afar. Allen and Raz had practically danced in acrobatic moves, the white-silver clothes reflecting under the sun and making the black details of makeup and clothing to stand out. The only other color had been Raz' hair, the black-blue shade becoming more evident against all the white and pure black.

He had to say, they were pretty good.

"What are you two even talking about?" Maashima looked from one to another without understanding, to which the Noah of white hair once more showed his little smile which, like Sheryl's, could be either mocking, cruel or genuine all the same time.

"Oh, such a pity you missed that. Some days before Apocryphos attacked, we ended up seeing Allen Walker and Raz performing as pierrots. Dancing, juggling, this sort of thing. Walker even sang a little." He tapped his chin in thought. "Actually, it was a part of the song Sheryl and Tyki heard Raziah singing that night, about the Erica flowers"

This got their attention.

"You didn't say anything at the time."

"Must have slipped my mind" The other replied with a dismissing gesture, not being believed by any of the presents. "She probably remembered the whole song and taught it to him, you said he also heard her that night. Anyway" He went on before anyone could ask anything about it. "The whole thing was kinda of _adorable_ , right?"

Sheryl hid his face on one of his hand as he shook his head in exasperation, though they didn't knew for sure the reason behind the gesture.

Tyki, on another hand, still had his thoughts in the white and black dance as if the memory refused to leave. Walker jumping on a ball as he juggled, Raz dancing around it with her hair following the movements, falling on her back and how afterwards she had moved slowly with the melody she took from the flute…

It had been pleasant to watch, no doubt.

He didn't know about the others, but from what he knew of Road, yes, maybe she would really lament missing that.

 **XxX**

Just after turning over his office upside down to be sure there were no listening devices of any sort, using even a golem to try to identify any material that could be used as such was that Komui called Reever, Noise Marie, Miranda Lotto, Lenalee Lee and Alistar Krory.

"Did something happen, Komui-san?" Miranda asked, hoping it wasn't bad news. While she was seated in the couch, Reever stood behind her, the firm hand resting on her shoulder. At her side, Marie noticed the gesture but didn't say anything, his attention also more focused in what Komui had to say.

Lenalee, as well as Marie, had an idea that this could be something related to Kanda's return as the samurai stood near her brother's table in silence, his eyes going over each of them as he examined them in such way that could give the sensation that he was tearing their skins off.

"Kanda?" She asked in a soft tone. He had been back yesterday, but Lenalee hadn't seen around.

The samurai's expression didn't change at all and his voice was a whip in the air.

"Cards on the table. Does anyone here _still_ believe in Allen Walker?"

* * *

 **Ana: So, it seems we will have a little reunion soon...**

 **Sheryl: About time!**

 **Ana: ... Uh... I was talking about Allen and the guys of the Order.**

 **Sheryl: ... I should break your neck.**

 **Kanda: Get in the line, I was here first!**

 **Ana: The way you guys love me is so touching -** _sarcastic -_ **Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with this.** _  
_

 **Lavi: At least it's confirmed we'll appear soon.**

 **Road: Yes, get out of the "dusty corner" here. It is boring.**

 **Allen: What were you guys doing until now, anyway?**

 **Lavi: Playing cards. Not much to do.**

 **Alison: I know I've never met Road, but I'm not sure I want to. Did she really pierce Allen's eye with a candle?**

 **Ana: In their next meeting, she kissed him.**

 **Alison: Nice, as if there aren't enough psychos in that clan. I don't know if Raz will be safer with Road liking or hating her.**

 **Ana: Well, I've never openly stated if they were friends of if they hated each other, did I?**

 **So, one more chapter. Allen will finally reunite with his friends, and they will meet Raz and the other Exiled... Not to mention work on a plan to save Lavi (if he is still alive). People, remember it takes far more time to write this than you take to read. Feedback is really important and I would like to know your opinion, as well as what you think/hope will happen or any theory. It is always fun!**

 _ **NitramRSA:** Wow! Thanks so much! As an aspiring writer, this means a lot to me!_ -blush- _I hope you'll like what I have planned for the story, then!  
_

 ** _Guest:_** _Well, like I said several times by now, I ONLY "followed" the manga until the point where Allen meets the Earl in that alley. So, this fic and the manga will follow complete different routes (such as the Mana and the Earl being the same person, it ISN'T like that here)._

 _What I mean is, I can't say Kanda will die in this story or not. And while a reader did comment about him being with Raz, I never said anything about it either. Maybe it will happen, maybe it will not._

 ** _jy24:_** _Klaud is, in my vision, someone who is quite prudent. She may believe Kanda met Allen, but she prefers to study the situation before confronting him about it. Right now, she may believe in Krory rather than in Kanda.  
_

 _Neah: When he is sleep it gets easier. Plus, he was exhausted._

 _Elana: If you ever do this again..._

 _Neah: You will do what? Kill me?_

 _Elana: ... I never met you in the story, but already hate you._

 _Ana: Crown Clown can't try destroying Neah for now. Both are trying to keep a balance most of the time, otherwise the clash of their energies would probably destroy Allen's body from inside out. Like you've seen in Suman Dark's case, the Innocence can be quite protective. While Neah now can see through his eyes all the time, but he can't control him completely. So, yeah, they are forced to coexist for now..._

 _Neah: Not a pleasant situation. Like I've said, this thing has no sense of humor!_

 _Elana: You're trying to take over the Accomodator, what did you expect it to do?_

 _Neah: It doesn't need to be all touchy just because of that!_

 _Elana: Just because of that? Did you even hear yourself?_

 _Ana: Well, they are going to be at it for quite a time. Allen may have an idea of what to do, but I would say that even infiltration in the Black Ark isn't the hardest part. The hardest part will be ACTUALLY getting Lavi and getting out of there..._

 _Alison: ... We're going to die._

Thanks everyone for reading! See you next time!


	22. Act Twenty Two – Broken Crystal

_"The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you'll never have" – Soren Kierkegaard_

 **Act Twenty Two – Broken Crystal  
**

Miranda straightened the collar of her black and silver uniform, keeping her controlled front. Even if the people were used to the nervousness that was part of her nature, she somehow felt that letting it all overflow wouldn't be a good idea. It could seem as paranoia to others, but considering the surveillance of the last months and what she was _truly_ about to do…

The tension of now was of being found out.

She couldn't deny that it was disturbing, actually. Not even the invasion in the other Headquarters, in which a Noah had managed to infiltrate (and no one knew for how long, that was the worst of it) and open a gate for the akumas and they had first seen a Level Four hadn't had an effect such as now.

Even if taking in account the deal with Alma Karma and the loss of the Thirds, there was something in this inflexibility of now that she didn't like at tall.

It was too strong so she could find refuge in some excuse for this sort of behavior.

And when the woman thought about it, she couldn't truly think _when_ that had started. More strictly, firmer schedules, more frequent reports that demanded more details… Small things here and there that, separated weren't much, until they were placed together.

" _One thing here, one there, with a bit of time between them and no one realizes at once"_ She reflected vaguely, the attention of her mind focused in another point.

She was going to see Allen.

If what Kanda had said was true (and he had no reason to lying) they were going to meet Allen!

Just the idea sent a warm fire in her and the way she missed him became stronger. Curious, as if for knowing she was finally going to see him again after months worrying and fearing the worst made now the longing of a whole life to burn in a moment alone.

"Ready?" Reever asked her, Noise Marie and Kanda, though his eyes were fixed on her. Surprisingly, Komui and Kanda's excuse had worked… After sending Lenalee and Krory in a mission, they had given another to Kanda's unit, sending them all together as quickly as possible under the pretext that the new General wanted to evaluate the performance of his "pupils".

Oh, they would take care of those missions in question, but just after a far more secret and important thing: Rescuing Lavi.

Once arriving at the city they were going to, instead of investigating what they were supposed to, Lenalee and Krory would take a train to another place. So, they would go to the city where Allen was.

If someone who deserved a sincere answer asked him, Reever would say he was impressed that the whole thing seemed to be working and, considering it was Kanda and how he had spent months away, Reever would have expected a vehement denial and even more interrogatories.

" _But if it is really working and they manage to help Lavi, isn't this what matters the most?"_ He wondered as he looked to Miranda. No. It wasn't just this what mattered... What mattered was also that they came back alive.

His mouth felt dry.

He had no idea of what the plan to rescue Lavi was, but he knew they would have to face the Noah… Despite the fact they were in a war against them, the idea of going to face them directly like that…

His legs moved alone, before the brain could truly send the command through the nerves and he approached Miranda, who gave him a gentle smile.

"Ready? Really?" He whispered leaning to her as Noise Marie and Kanda spoke with others in charge of the portals and agents. Kanda seemed impatient and though that was his usual expression, Reever would bet everything how he was really annoyed by the mere presence of the special agents.

"Yes, I am. At least I think I am" The woman added quietly. Reever realized it wasn't just his mouth that was dry, all his body felt like it and as much as the truth of all filled him and buried the wish, it still existed: The wish that Miranda didn't have to go.

It wasn't that he wanted _any_ of them to go, even after years in the Order, there was always a worry when one of them left for a mission. Even something that could be deemed as "usual" as recover an Innocence could end up as the person coming back in a coffin (if there was something left to bury) and no one could ever get used to this.

"Please, be careful, okay?" He whispered, trying to hold the urgency that fought for space in his voice and focusing in the present, there was no time to dissect what happened to him to understand. It wasn't as if Miranda was going alone.

As if reading her thoughts, the woman confirmed.

"I'll be fine. The others are coming too" She didn't refer just to the unit she was in, but also about Lenalee and the others with whom they would meet soon. For an instance, she almost touched Reever's face as if the gesture could calm him, but she controlled herself. "Kanda and Marie will be there…"

And it wasn't as if she was helpless either, but the only thing Reever could think now were the scars on her hands, hidden now by the uniform's gloves.

"I know, but even so…" He hesitated, because there weren't words to follow those, no way to finish the phrase, so a gesture of head had to work before he let go and walked away as Miranda gave a "goodbye" smile before going to join Kanda and Marie.

She looked back and waved briefly before disappearing in the complete whiteness of the portal and even if this could be just a "see you later" to all the presents, it was to Reever she had been looking at as if still wanting to calm him.

For the first time in long, Reever caught himself truly praying and wishing that whatever God was up there, was listening to him.

" _Let her come back safely. Let her come back alive and well…"_

Because, of all moments, it was now that Reever realized he wouldn't know what to do if he could no longer look in the brown eyes of Miranda Lotto again.

 **XxX**

Trips could always be exciting. Be it due to going to a new place, be for being among new friends, be to meet someone. And though the last two were really part of a whole there was still a sensation that wasn't all pleasing: The tension and fear that started to grab their veins and squeeze them.

"Calm down, Miranda, it will all work out" Lenalee said with a smile. Just like the older woman, she felt her body had far more energy than it could hold once she couldn't find a comfortable position and frequently wiggled in her seat as a child.

They would see Allen! They would finally see Allen again!

She couldn't stop thinking about it.

Krory was sitting at her side and while the vampire also seemed anxious, he was more controlled.

They had met soon, despite the whole thing taking hours: Upon arriving in the cities of their missions, they had walked around a little for precaution and then left to the train station while still being cautions for agents around (Kanda had been absolute in this point: The maximum of caution) and though the cities Komui had picked had least distance between them, it didn't mean they were "neighbors".

They had had to meet in another city and _now_ from there they were on way to where Allen was. From the window, they could see the sun starting to hide behind the trees, the last rays going as arrows over them while pulling a mantle that went from golden to dark blue, carrying with it the first stars.

"I can't…" The woman muttered, shaking her head slowly and leaning her forehead in one of her hands, excitement mixing with a heavy feeling. They had taken off their uniforms and now wore normal clothes so no one would recognize the Order's symbol. There was something almost weird at the sensation of being in a kind of mission and not wearing the uniforms. They were too used to this.

Kanda and Marie were in a separated cabin and Lenalee imagined how they would be. Actually, she would have liked if Kanda had talked more about his meeting with Allen and how he was, but the samurai had limited himself to basic info and this only after he had been sure there was no risk that anyone there would speak of what they shouldn't around.

"Allen is not alone, that's good!" Well, a part of Lenalee couldn't help the natural discomfort of thinking that one of the people with him was… A _Noah._ Not that she doubted Allen's judgment, of course, and Kanda also had given that the girl had been with Allen for months now… Yet…

It was a disturbing thought.

Lenalee thought about the Noah she knew, battles they had had… All those years fighting Akumas, knowing they were created by the Millennium Earl… That a friend now was traveling with a member of that Clan made her muscles shiver with spasms.

Miranda just shook her head and even Krory stayed quiet as he thought. Lenalee kept a sigh, aware of what they were probably thinking. A little voice coming from the depths of her mind whispered that those people who were also there had done what they hadn't: Stayed at Allen's side.

" _But we couldn't have done anything! And they met him_ after _us, after the deal with the Fourteenth, even after he… After he went away from the Order. But even so, he is still an Exorcist. He said so! He is!"_ And she tried to suffocate the sensation with an attempt to conversation.

"What matters is that we're going to see him and he is fine! That's the most important of all" She wasn't going to let the happiness of meeting him again be poisoned, not after nights wondering how he was. The girl realized she had started to play with her hands and something bitterly cold was crawling in her heart. Immediately she continued to talk as if as such she could push that away from herself. "And Allen hasn't been consumed by the Fourteenth, he is fighting. I was afraid, all this time without news, but he is fine and…"

"That's the problem…" Miranda muttered, face still hidden in her hand. Lenalee became quiet when the woman looked at her, eyes marked by some emotion… Used to Miranda's insecurity, Lenalee at first thought it was something of this nature to soon realize what she was seeing was shame.

She spied to the side. Krory had his eyes fixated in seat ahead, not saying anything to it.

Miranda sighed.

"How will I even _look_ at him?"

Lenalee felt her mouth go dry in a second, tongue a mass of useless flesh, but she shook her head not looking away. Brief scenes of her last meeting with him jumped in her mind like fishes before disappearing, his smile, how she had begged him to stay, the young man saying he would always be an Exorcist…

"Miranda… You _know_ Allen. He… He is _Allen"_ It was as if there was no better way of describing him than simple by his name and aware of her poor attempt, she almost smiled. "He knows we couldn't have done anything, not with Levelier stopping us as he did. I don't say we were right, but…"

But the woman still shook her head, indicating that those words didn't make her feel any better. The central point perhaps wasn't even this. Krory looked at Miranda and then his eyes lowered again.

"Lenalee…" The muttering was low and gentle, but there was no alteration in his expression. "That's the point. I…"

Miranda sighed, shaking her head slowly, the dark brown ponytail waving as she tried to force her feelings in the limiting shape of words.

"We didn't _try._ Levelier just told us we were forbidden and we accepted it, we didn't even protest against it, actually. We didn't even try to see him by force. We didn't try to do _anything"_

"But there was nothing we could have done! Levelier put guards, surveillance, there was no way how…"

"No, but we just accepted it anyway" Krory said in a quiet voice aside, looking now to Lenalee, who could just look at him in response. "Indeed, we wouldn't have been able to do anything, but we just lowered our heads like dogs and that was it… We sat there and just felt sorry for what was happening, nothing else. And in this lies our abandonment."

" _Our sin"_ A voice whispered in Miranda's mind and while one could consider it a dramatic way to place things, it wasn't what she felt. Because abandoning a friend, in her opinion, was cruel enough to be classified as such. Shame and guilt mixed in her and knowing that Allen, _being Allen,_ would just smile and say that it was alright… This only made her feel worse.

Even if she apologized, this fact wouldn't ever be erased.

"I want to see him very much, Lenalee, and I'm so, so happy that he is fine, but… After what I did…"

Once again, Miranda looked at Lenalee.

"How will I look at him?"

 **XxX**

"Allen, is this _really_ sensate?"

"Look, I trust you, it is _them_ I'm worried about."

Allen's attention was divided between Elana and Lauren and watching the train's rails waiting the noise that would arrive first, of wheels in metal, announcing the train before it came into view. As he was standing, Lauren and Elana were sitting in a bench behind with Johnny.

"I'm sure things will work out!" He said, even if he couldn't shake the weight he felt. "And I doubt Kanda would have agreed and told if they weren't trustworthy." _Personally_ speaking, he still trusted them, but he wasn't sure this would be a strong enough justification. Kanda had been back there and spoken to them, so he would know more, per say.

" _Four months… One hundred and fifty three days. Much time. Time enough to change things…"_

Elana seemed about to disagree, but she sighed and limited to stand at his side in the edge, not looking at the trails' direction as they disappeared in the night, but more to the roof though there was nothing indicating anything there.

The agreement had been that, at any signal of an agent from the Central or any sort of troubles, Raz, Alison and Samuel would attack from there, having the surprise element at their favor.

Out of respect and the trust she had for Allen, Elana decided to not confront him about it… If they truly were to go on a rescue of this nature, they needed more power (this was something she knew some of them were doing for _Allen,_ even if this was the right thing to do and that was enough).

But this didn't mean they felt comfortable in exposing themselves to the members of the Order.

" _There are a lot of people coming to know about us lately…"_ Alison had complained and Elana had to agree with a bitterness that she didn't usually feel. Samuel had felt it when they were coming to the station and before walking away to climb to the roof, he had held her hand as he told Elana they would be ready to all, hesitating for a moment as if he meant to say something else.

Recalling his touch calmed her a little. She couldn't like that situation no matter how necessary.

Johnny Gil remained sitting at Lauren's side and didn't seem to fully know what to say or how to act here… Even Lauren didn't seem happy to meet those Exorcists, no matter how Allen had tried to tell they were nice and trustworthy friends.

Though he smiled, Allen actually still felt now the fragility of the doubt. He couldn't stop thinking of less than pleasant scenarios about meeting the others again… He missed them, of course, and he knew he could trust Kanda to not bring anyone that could denounce them… And it hurt to think that any of his friends from the Order could have ended up believing he was a traitor.

And… What if someone wasn't there because Kanda had found out they didn't believe him? And the ones that came along, how would they react upon seeing him?

And why, even if he believed they wouldn't denounce him or the others (for any reasons), something deep in him still felt so heavy?

He tried to approach the obvious reasons and justify them, yet there was something that still insisted in pull his heart down. Allen wanted to believe that they would all see each other and hug as if those months weren't more than a second…

And yet, a part of him was almost afraid.

" _Nonsense, this doesn't matter. You'll see them again!"_ Yes, and there were no words to express how this made him excited that was the point. The train would be here at any moment and his whole being was suffering the delicious torture of one expecting friends on the way!

That little seed, however, was still in him and he couldn't suffocate it no matter how much he tried.

" _Damn, I have no reason to feel like this!"_ And he didn't want to go deep into analyzing that emotion, even if his mind made up sketches that had no defined shape enough to be understood, just strong enough to cause that heavy effect.

His attention was dragged outside his mind to the undeniable sound of something big running over trails and the boy stretched himself, the anxiety forcing his body to move without command.

This wasn't very shared by the others except for Johnny. Elana and Lauren just looked at each other and the blonde once more looked to the roof, a shadow darker than the night detached itself in movement almost oily-like, just enough to Elana be sure that there was something there and watching over.

Allen walked back to the bank and thought about taking a seat, but soon changed his mind. There would no comfort in standing or sitting anyway.

He studied the sea of people that bleed from the train, waiting. Kanda would be with the group and they had combined to meet in that small area of the platform under the stars, reserved to people waiting. He needed to tell himself to not look for the Order's uniforms, surprising himself upon realizing how much the association was rooted in his mind and now understood how something like this could have even helped he and the other Exiled to keep low for so long.

Bit by bit, it was possible to notice something going against the current of passengers, a drop of oil among the waters that came to where he was and, risking a look, he saw Elana somehow seemed more like a statue. The face of Lauren had gone from light chocolate to grey-like and she showed nothing related to calmness or her usual cheerfulness. Johnny seemed tense, but Allen judged it was more due to the situation as a whole.

Among the crowd, figures started to detach themselves. Black hair with a long white strand, dark brown hair and black with a stone green like reflex…

And in front of him were Miranda Lotto, Alistar Krory, Lenalee Lee and Noise Marie, with Kanda nearby spying around with hawk eyes, or just not up to see the reunion of them.

During all days of those months, Allen had thought a lot in what he could/wanted to say to each of them if they met again. However now, all words had died and he couldn't remember any of them, let alone force himself to say them…

The others seemed to be in the same state, for they could just look at him.

Krory opened and closed his mouth as if he couldn't decide if he wanted to say something or not. Lenalee gave a tentatively step to him, trying to smile…

"Hi guys…" Allen needed to break the silence even if it was just with a whisper as he looked at them all. Lenalee's hair was longer… Krory looked somewhat taller or was his impression?

The words were getting caught in his throat.

Krory made a sound as someone swallowing a word or laughter. Taking all in account, a " _Hi, guys_ " wasn't at all up to the circumstances.

Not that any other greeting would have sounded much better and he knew it. Why was it so hard? It shouldn't be like this.

None of them paid attention to the roof or to the two girls behind Allen, focused in seeing their friend as they were. Allen had a good appearance for a runaway of a great organization… A little skinner, his hair had grown and a bit more under his shoulders, but overall healthy and without visible injures…

"Allen…" Lenalee started. Suddenly it all felt back to that night in which Allen had left. A part of his mind kept going back to what would have happened if he had stayed like she had asked and the idea followed for a way that, for some reason, her mind refused to fully see.

"It's good to see you all again!" Allen continued with a smile appearing in his face. Lenalee approached, meaning to hug him and say how much she had missed him, but her bones were iron and her muscles were as useless as when Road had paralyzed her as a doll. Behind Allen, Johnny watched it all while two unknown women didn't look much happy, though they tried to keep their expressions just serious.

"Allen… Allen, you…" Krory started, words getting tangled. "You're still…" Still what? Smiled as if there was nothing wrong? Getting into trouble? The vampire gave a weak chuckle. "You"

Like Lenalee had said… Allen was Allen.

Elana and Lauren looked at each other once again. Johnny couldn't help seeing the same that they were… That seemed more with people forced to meet each other, almost like a bad play than a true meeting of friends.

" _It shouldn't be like this…"_ The thought was ridiculous. How many things really were how they were supposed to be lately?

Johnny remembered how he had felt when seeing Kanda and Allen arguing due to the shackles. That had felt light and nostalgic, had a feeling of home-y… Nothing like this.

"It's good to see you again…" Marie muttered with a nod. He wasn't truly close of Allen like the others and somehow his voice sounded more natural, less tense than the others.

"I think we should go..." Someone (who he guessed was one of the people Allen had met) whispered, in a tone that wouldn't be noticed by the others, except perhaps Kanda, whose senses were also more elevated than most people.

But the voice…

Wait…

That woman…

"Verenaris…" He attracted the blonde's attention, lifting the head in the voice's direction. Kanda, who had been more concentrated in observing around for suspicious people, looked from him to the blonde with a frown (hard to say if it was for annoyance, curiosity or if he didn't even really care).

The woman gazed at him for a moment and despite the recognition, she didn't approach or gave any positive signal. On another hand, this was something in itself.

"Marie…" She said in a calm greeting, and feeling that she should be polite and say something more, risked. "It… It's pleasant to see you" The words left a bitter taste in her mouth, sounding too hypocrite once, while they had never had troubles when she was in the Order, they hadn't been part of the same units and hadn't been close.

However, she wondered about how he had lost his sight. But knew better than to ask.

"You too" The man replied. It wasn't that easy to just greet someone who you believed to be dead since years ago.

At that moment, he remember the few times he had seen here. Her hair used to be long, almost to the middle of her back. Well, of course, she would look older now...

Elana just nodded again with a mutter. Even if she wanted to believe that neither of those people would say anything, the discomfort wouldn't just go away even if she tried.

"We missed you so much!" Miranda's eyes were on him as if she wanted to confirm several times that he was fine and okay. The words still sounded weak, but the sincerity was there.

"And I missed you guys!" He replied, some excitement finding its way to his voice. "So much has happened, I…"

There was no way to cut all he felt to put into words. All he felt in the last months now were a whole mass, as if he was going through every second again but in a faster speed.

"Yeah, yeah, we can have this talk later!" Kanda growled, finally losing his patience and going over to them. "We all fine, right, _beautiful_ , let's go!" It didn't please him to stay in an open field like this right now, no matter how sure he was that there were no Crows around. Which should make him relieved, actually bothered him more…

Could it be that Levelier had truly believed all those lies they had threw at him?

Allen couldn't help laughing at this, starting to feel a lighter sensation now.

"Hey…" He muttered quietly. "How is everyone at the Order?"

 **XxX**

Slithering like panthers, Samuel, Alison and Raz went across the roof, climbing down slowly with some help from Raz's shadows which made small protuberances to help their way down, enough so people passing by wouldn't notice them… Not that anyone would, unless they decided to enter the alley they were heading to as they went down.

They still kept their distances, not wanting to reveal themselves yet and rather keeping watching for a while longer. Allen hadn't insisted that he trusted those people, his words being strong enough to not need repetition, but it didn't mean the rest of the group would just accept it and be quiet. It was already too much they had accepted getting in contact with people from the Order.

If it wasn't for the necessity, they would all have refused that idea no matter what.

So, they walked a bit away in spaces without lights in the street, watching the group with attention. Samuel and Raz on a side of the street and Alison on the other. No signal of violence until now and the only reaction to Elana and Lauren had been that the shorter girl seemed to have heard of them and the bald tall man had greeted Elana…

Fine, then.

Alison wasn't surprised with the lack of recognition. The Order was huge and most of the… _Exorcists_ , was always out in missions and some stayed more in other Headquarters than the principal one. She had been one of those, for example.

From the Exorcists that were with Allen, she knew Noise Marie from sight... Not that they had ever spoken. She could barely remember him. The shorter girl could only be Lenalee Lee (she had a brother at the Order too, if Alison wasn't mistaken) and the other two could only be Miranda Lotto and Alistar Krory.

That was the group that had remained after the Noah slaughter.

" _Siriel… Tina…"_ She caught herself thinking about them. Siriel Volkaren had been in Yeegar's unit with her and Tina Spark had been in Klaud's unit.

Alison had known them well. They had been her friends and she had missed them terribly when she had left. To know they were both dead… Siriel's eyes, so blue, came to her mind as his soft manners and Alison could remember Tina's little jokes and the smile that always made her look younger…

Now they were gone…

" _Free. More than us"_ The thought came without control, but she ignored it for now, placing her attention in a line leading to that new group, searching for any signal that there was someone else around… Until now, nothing weird.

Could they be trusted?

" _Maybe they are all just waiting until we reach an empty place or something like that…"_ Somehow it seemed the man of black-and-white hair had noticed her presence. There were times his dark eyes crossed the street and stopped on her direction…

How?

Even so, he too seemed to be paying more importance to meeting Allen than whether or not they were being watched. Kanda, on another hand, looked as annoyed as always yet Alison knew he was equally attentive to their surroundings.

"Do you think we can really trust them?" Due to the deepness of his voice, Samuel's whisper sounded more like the purring of a tiger. His waved hair, almost a dreadlock style, fell over his shoulders in shining snakes.

Raz shook her head slowly to show she didn't know. Allen clearly trusted them and despite initially looking nervous, now he was smiling and talked more…

Even not being close, there were some fragments of words that she could pick up.

"My brother believes you too, Allen" The girl of straight hair falling under her shoulders told and Allen said something, the news obvious being welcome. The tall man with dark skin said something with a gesture of head. Raz couldn't hear him, but he seemed to be confirming what was being said and Allen's reaction was positive, of who hears good news.

Raz soon realized she would rather look at the street than at that.

Ridiculous, why? Allen was meeting the people he liked and who he had told her about… She should be _happy_ for him.

Only that any positive feeling was chained by something dark and heavy, making it too weak to matter. For an instance, an instance filled by _insanity,_ she wanted to leave, to run to an alley and stay there, still and quiet and hidden.

" _Why? There is no reason for me to feel like this…"_

" _They are together. They are equal. You aren't."_ A voice seemed to whisper in her mind, coming from the deep corner where the bad thoughts are. That was true, those were all Innocence Accommodators and she was a Noah. A black piece thrown among the white ones in a chessboard.

That girl had said her brother believed in Allen too. That other voice, more physical and firm than one from thoughts, of the Noah called Wisely (and God, there had been such a _familiarity_ in that telepathy) calling them "little siblings" had been teasing, but it had also had something _genuine_ …

" _And do you even know what this_ is?" No. Well, she knew the meaning of the word, but the concept was as foggy as the concept of parents.

Family.

She had heard several times the Clan of Noah being also called the Noah Family, however some words have a greater meaning than their sound and it was like this with that term that her being had no capacity to process.

She didn't remember anything related to that, but it created a curious sensation…

That was what Raz felt now. A kind of empty space inside that made a living line, searching for a point of the past that seemed inexistent. And under her skin, the Noah felt cold…

What _was_ that? This wish to be filled, to find something she didn't know what was?

She couldn't look at the group. That made her ill, it hurt her eyes.

She _didn't want_ to be there.

 **XxX**

To meet the group personally didn't do much to relief either of the other Exiled. They had picked that city due to the abandoned house they had found in the woods a bit away after wandering around and after discussing about it. They knew little about the house, but the rumors of ghosts (which came with all abandoned places in reality) and its localization were enough to use it as a hiding place for now. Except for some squirrels and two or three rats that they had chased away, there was no signal of life there.

It wasn't the absolute ideal, but it would be risky if they stayed all in the same inn, no matter the size and especially because they didn't know what could happen during the rescue. When dealing with so many variables and possibilities, it would be better if they at least had a place for themselves.

Until now, none of those new people had showed anything that confirmed the negative suspicions, but it was still hard to feel in peace.

"And they are Alison Rouwen, Samuel Kallen and Raz" Allen introduced them as Kanda finally typed the code given by Reever and the shackles around Allen and Johnny's wrist let out a little hiss as they opened. Both men sighed in relief to this while Kanda mumbled how he wanted to reduce those things to dust.

With the presentations, Allen now just hoped the sensation of sterile air would fade with time.

The three of them and the Exorcists exchanged greetings, shaking hands.

"Pleasure to meet you" Miranda smiled when holding Samuel's hand and passing to the green eyed girl at his side, who accepted the gesture politely even if she didn't smiled back. The other, however…

Her appearance was human, almost normal.

It was just her _appearance…_

Out of her control, remembrances got free violently and attacked her mind. That girl, Road… It had been the first contact she had had with what would become her world, the akumas, Innocence…

Road laughing as a child in Christmas morning, while her voice still had a cold characteristic to it. The burning pain in her hands that didn't cease, flesh and muscles perforated and she had been luck to not lose completely the hands' movement. Lenalee sitting still as a corpse untouched by decomposition, wearing a fancy dress as the other girl combed her hair commenting how she would like to keep Lenalee as her new doll. Road nestling herself against Allen to prove she wasn't a machine before she grabbed a candle and stabbed his eye…

"Pleasure to meet you" Miranda managed to keep her voice firm enough, but she felt cold. The girl tilted her head to the side briefly before shaking her hand with a strange look.

The woman's instinctive side cried, the same way it would if she had seen a snake or another dangerous animal.

" _Nonsense, she is with Allen, there is no reason to be afraid of her…"_ Lenalee tried to tell herself, how that human's appearance was common, harmless, but knowing what lurked underneath was of no help, no matter how much she tried to think it was good how Allen hadn't been alone.

" _She is still a Noah"_ There was no avoiding the thought, deciding to pay more attention in the other people than that girl.

"Maybe we should just go in already. Some rooms here are in shape good enough to leave our things and talk" Lauren said quickly, hating this and just wanting to do something about the awkwardness, giving her back to everyone without waiting for answers as she opened the old door, that let out a long groan.

They didn't know for how long the house had been unoccupied, but it was clear it had seen better days. Even with some broken windows, the air still had an old quality that was expected and it mixed to the smell of wood and leaves that had got in and rotten… All around was aged by layers of dust that hid the true colors and made sarcophagus out of the furniture, even if they had spend two days trying to make the place at least _bearable._

The oval hall received them, a little moonlight coming from the windows, some in brighter rays when through the broken parts. The stairs were on each side near the path to other rooms and Lauren too the steps in the left, the steps groaning.

Despite having passed a rag in the railway (funny, they could take sleeping in the streets and the wild, see people turning into black corpses that would break in dust, but none of them could stand an environment like that without trying to do something about it), the touch was still strangely harsh, as rubbing your hand in dead skin.

The idea made her chose to go up without support, as she internally thanked that the steps were still firm enough.

"Are you all sure no one comes here?" Kanda asked with a groan, despite being sure they hadn't been followed by anyone (which made him conclude Link hadn't managed to follow the Moyashi since that city they had found him in, not with all that mess), all preventive measures should be considered.

Someone who didn't know the Order could consider this an exaggeration that edged paranoia, but Kanda knew well what they were able to do and how they could behave.

Personally speaking, he would have preferred the life of an Exiled to the one of an Exorcist.

At the same time, if being a General gave him the chance to denounce what the Order truly did, then he would. Tiedoll had been right in saying he hated the Order, he just didn't know how deep it was.

"Look around, Kanda. No one would _want_ to come here." Except for some bored teenagers perhaps, in which case, they could ask Raz to chase them away with her shadows. People would pin that in the rumors of ghosts and with luck, they wouldn't be around time enough for the rumors to reach the Order anyway.

"And… How did you find this house?" Krory tried to start a kind of conversation as they followed to the second floor. He and the Exorcists didn't carry more than normal, a small bag with some first aid items and the change of clothes they had hidden.

"It was more by chance" Samuel told simply. They wouldn't be able to do anything if they didn't at least tried a little regarding those people. It didn't imply they had to be _friends,_ yet the man attempted to smile.

"We decided to explore around the city, since a hotel would be too risky. We're more talking about where else we could go when we found an old path and this house. We don't know who used to live here" Allen shrugged, aware there probably was a story behind the house, as it had its story of haunting too. "But I don't think it matters much. I mean, we can use it for a while"

He did his best to not think in how many of them would be back from what they were going to do.

 **XxX**

"Those are the rooms in better state. At least we can use them…" Allen went on as he opened a door of one. The bed was just a skeleton of wood with a smaller mattress than expected. The boy wouldn't tell this detail, but the mattress they had found here not only was tore apart as an unpleasant smell, enough so they knew there were chances some animal had nestled there and died.

They had taken the thing and threw it in the lower floor, leaving it a corner. There was no reason to reform the whole place (as if the could), but the least of cleaning was necessary. The other mattress they had put in its place wasn't in better state, but at least didn't smell so bad and one still could try sleep on it.

"It isn't much, but it's just for a while" He went on, aware he was just babbling. He wanted to stop and he wanted to continue. The silence would be better and worse. Part of his mind tried to find words, the right words, and there was nothing. "And we have food too, so we could eat as we talk and…"

"Allen" Marie called him as he took off the grey coat he had been wearing. "It's an abandoned house, we know, we weren't expecting a five-star hotel, alright?"

The boy chuckled, scratching the back of his head. The sound was weak and was devoured by the growing silence. Whatever was in his throat didn't seem to want to move and suffocated him.

Raz, along with the other Exiled, had walked away. Allen knew they weren't away from the room, just giving them privacy and he was grateful for this. As friends as they were, Allen had missed Lenalee, Miranda, Krory… All of them.

But now, months after all and he had no words…

"I really missed you guys" He tried again, bothered by how cliché he sounded and wishing he had better words and terms, that he would feel comfortable to hug them as he would have done before…

Something in him stopped this. Seeing them again had made him happy, yes, but there was a kind of sadness too that he had only realized it existed now, which had been intertwined with the longing and it became one thing.

Now it had separated and stood out alone.

"You're alright, aren't you? You didn't have problems?" The subject was unpleasant and necessary at the same time. Sure they hadn't been interrogated too much or even classified as suspects or something, right? _Right?_

"Allen…" Miranda was the one who called him this time, her soft tone having a hidden quality that worked to create silence once more. The white-haired man observed the woman playing with her hands before she walked to him, clearly wanting to say that and now knowing how to begin.

"Miranda?" Allen felt a new tension that had nothing to do with what he felt in personal level. Had something happened? Something bad, he didn't know about?

The woman looked at him.

"We're sorry"

He blinked, for a moment it had been as if she had spoken in a foreigner language.

"Wait…" He looked at the others. Lenalee had her eyes on the floor, playing with the hem of her shirt. Krory had never seemed this serious unless his Innocence was activated, freeing that more ferocious side of his personality. Marie seemed upset. Kanda, on another hand, watched it all with coldness.

"But I'm fine, everything's…"

"Please" Miranda raised her hand in a request for silence, a slow gesture, even delicate and her eyes never left his. Allen felt almost like a child.

"I… We haven't been good friends to you" This time it was Krory who spoke, in a similar tone. The thing in Allen seemed to pulsate and he replied.

"Levelier stopped you from seeing me, I _know_ , so…"

"It doesn't matter. In the end, we weren't there for you" Miranda insisted in a voice that Allen had never heard before and something in her eyes made her look older. "Levelier forbade us, yes, but we didn't try at all… We felt bad about it, but we still didn't do anything about it"

Allen wanted to say that he understood, that there had been fear and that they certainly would have done something if they could.

"We believed you" Lenalee hurried to say, approaching him. "We never stopped believing you, but…" She didn't know what to say, something in her yelled that this wasn't enough, as if there was something here she could _feel_ but not see.

"I'm thankful that you did, this…" It wasn't a lie and Allen meant to say this was enough, but… Yet, he recalled the night he had told Raz all the truth and everything he had had to process into words had turned more real and solid, until they were useless sounds and he had ended up crying.

" _Why didn't they just trust me?"_

He knew this thought _wasn't_ directed to Miranda, Lenalee or any of them. Still it existed all the same.

"You were _always_ with us, Allen" The words from Krory pulled his focus back to the room he was standing in. "But when the time came for us to be at your side, we weren't. Or even tried to. Maybe we wouldn't have been able to" He added when Allen seemed to be able to protest again. "But it doesn't matter, friends _don't_ act like this"

Marie didn't say anything, however even if he hadn't been close to Allen like the others, he had thought that it wasn't fair of the Order to lock him up like they had done. Some had been speaking about executing him, even if Allen had still tried to stay after his state as host had came into light.

"I'm sorry…" Krory said. "I'm _so_ sorry, Allen…"

"We all are" Miranda's voice shook for the first time, though the woman refused to cry. She wasn't apologizing to show how her regret was huge (it was), but because she wanted Allen to know she was aware of what she had done and that she didn't want to repeat the mistake ever again. This wouldn't solve the situation or change the course of things, Miranda knew it, but…

" _Apologies… Just words. What good are they for?"_

"Can you forgive us for this?" Lenalee whispered.

Allen could just look from one to another, unable to deny that he was a little surprised by all this. Even if there had been some… Anger… Regarding the Order (he couldn't deny it anymore) under the hurt, nothing of this had been directed to any of them. Regarding his friends, he hadn't blamed any of them for anything, just missed them and hoped they still believed him.

And they did, so why…

" _Oh"_ A little mocking voice sounded in his mind. " _But have you forgotten those moments? Hour after hour in that place, until you didn't know what time was it, if people were bringing you lunch or dinner?"_

His friends hadn't done this and there was nothing they could have done to stop it. Even if the Order had had reasons, he had already admitted that this had made him feel betrayed, the sadness at a point taking the anger away, but nothing of this had been for those people…

" _Staying awake even when you were exhausted, afraid and fighting to keep on, to keep your_ existence, _fearing what could happen at any second, scared of even yourself, unable to escape…"_ The voice went on. " _Nothing but the silence around, you knew they couldn't come, but even so, weren't there moments in which you wanted them,_ needed _them?"_

They wouldn't have been able to do anything! Even if they had tried, so what!

" _But you were sad, weren't you? You were left alone, weren't you?"_

" _I… I was…"_ His eyes at some point had turned to the ground and those words had taken less than a second. And Allen understood what had been that feeling mixed with the yearning… Perhaps it wasn't a question of right or wrong, of being truthful to your principles or anything of this kind… But more a question of feelings. He had to admit his own hurt and assuming what he felt, they could… Could move on.

"Guys…" He muttered, no longer forcing a smile, the expression of his face becoming more real and lighter. "It is alright now, truly."

It was an acceptance of apologies and it worked to lighter the environment.

But it also brought a perception for everyone.

Events have effects, actions have consequences and things change even though we don't want them to. The feelings they had for each other hadn't changed in essence Love hadn't turned into hatred, caring hadn't become despise…

Yet, nothing was or could be like before.

 **XxX**

As they went downstairs, Allen made a brief summary of what had happened since he had left, not entering in many details that would only generate more questions than what the others had now. They had to discuss first what they would do for Lavi and Bookman, which they wouldn't be able to if they spent the next hours speaking of the past rather than discussing the ideas.

Raz and the others weren't in the hall, but in a room at the side. From the stairs, they could be seen sitting in old chairs or the clean floor (the contrast with the dirty in the walls was screaming) talking with each other.

Lenalee felt her mouth dry and even if this wasn't time for that particular subject, she couldn't help herself.

"Hm… Allen?" The boy turned to her and Lenalee thought about how to say what she meant to. "And… And the Noah?" She wasn't sure how to feel about that. A Noah and an Exorcist together was a scenario that didn't find any context and a part of her shivered before it.

"Not that… Well, you did say she has been with you this whole time" Krory completed, also unsure. Not being present or having news during those months, the information had fallen on them like a punch and with a similar effect.

"You don't need to worry!" Allen affirmed, almost smiling. Those were reactions like the ones he had imagined before and maybe he would have reacted the same way. "I swear"

He could say the girl would never hurt them or that she was a nice person, however those terms sounded out of place somehow. Almost terms he would use for a dog and not a friend.

"But… Allen… A _Noah?"_

Allen shook his head lightly… Day after day of being in the Order, fights against akumas, knowing the Noah were the ones to be held in account to all that suffering… Even now, he could heard their laughter as Alma destroyed all around, the same way Johnny had remembered listening to the white haired Noah " _We're Noah, old man. I have no mercy for you"_

It was a surprise Kanda hadn't tried to fight Raz as soon as he had met her. Allen hadn't been awake, so he supposed the surprise added to the akumas' attack had held him until the situation had been explained enough for him to leave her alone.

"After all they did…"

" _Raz_ hasn't done anything" It didn't mean she hadn't _done before_ and he knew. Even the Noah… Out of Order, of that immutable context, Allen's mind seemed to have opened to other paths that were unseen before. "And we never stopped to ask, did we?"

None of them had an answer for that. Kanda didn't even pay attention, letting Allen and the others by the end of the stairs as he went to join the Exiled, sitting in a spot without saying anything. This wasn't unexpected to Allen, and he wondered if Kanda's thoughts had followed similar lines.

"We never stopped to _ask…"_ Allen went on, saying this to them and himself as well, remembering each fight with the Noah. They hadn't been as many as with the Akumas, but were the ones that had left a deeper impression.

None of them had ever stopped to question the reasons the Noah had to fight, assuming the intention to destroy humanity to be enough and that there was nothing else behind it.

The Exorcists looked from him to Raz. At the distance they were, they still could talk among them without being heard.

"I think that… Perhaps… When you do something for long enough, there comes a time when…" Krory said slowly as he reflected about what Allen had said. "You forget the reasons. Even your own. Not thinking, not analyzing, you just do. And you forget the rest"

The others turned to the vampire, blinking to what he had just said. Allen nodded.

It was more or less like it…

It didn't matter what, he trusted Raz. And not for the first time, thinking about her caused a sensation alike to what he imagined to be thinking about a sister.

 **XxX**

Discussing _what_ they would do and _how_ sounded easier than the act in itself.

"I think after everything" Alison said, sitting with her elbow leaning on her knee and a serious expression. "We have the right to know _all_ that is happening"

Allen hesitated as the girl hadn't talked to him, but to the Exorcists. Allen knew she wasn't being cold in purpose or in a personal level, it was just that Alison's despise for the Order and all related to it didn't give space for different behavior… Even if he wished she would lower her guard.

"What is happening in that place?"

Then Miranda and the others entered in details, about the new safety procedures and how the situation was, including about the recovering of Innocences. Allen tried to not feel bothered or think much of it, forcing his attention to remain in the present and not running away to hypothesis.

Equally, Allen told all he could and best way he could about those months and Apocryphos.

"Are you serious about it?" Marie had _never_ heard anything of this sort. An independent Innocence? It sounded almost absurd. Kanda scoffed with a sarcastic way, the Order would probably _love_ this: It meant less complications seeking for Accommodators and the limitations of a human body.

He recalled the countless times he had had to attempt synchronization with his Innocence during the experiments, the energy ripping his body from inside out and still that cage of flesh didn't give in, didn't die and didn't set him free.

Not him or Alma…

"For what I know, it is a unique Innocence. Tyki said it exists to protect the Heart, only that…"

"Only that this thing sounds insane" Krory growled unable to hide his disgust before the idea of what had almost happened, what _would have_ happened to Allen if the Noah hadn't been there. It was too much of irony that they should thank those two for Allen still being with them.

"He was the one that turned Suman…" Lenalee muttered quietly and ran her hand through her hair, which was almost at her elbow. "What if we could prove it? To prove this Innocence attacked Link?" And her tone, bit by bit, trembled in the direction to anxiety and hope. "Maybe if we could, then the Order would have to recognize that they were wrong, that you were falsely accused and then you… You could…"

Allen avoided looking at her.

"I don't think that would work, Lenalee…" Miranda told her as she placed a hand on the girl's shoulder, seeing how she wanted Allen to go back with them. "And you know it…"

"But…"

The Order already searched for the Heart in an obsessive way. To know an Innocence had attacked Allen, whatever the reason be, would only make them hunt the boy even more.

"He would be just a bait" Samuel intervened, looking at the girl and then to Allen. "They would use him to lure Apocryphos and try to use it. Or then use the pretext that if an Innocence " _so important"_ attacked him, either to save him or because he is dangerous, it's the right thing to be done." He threw Allen an apologetic gaze for the last words. It was true and they knew it… The Order was too focused to win the war.

Those conjectures were arrows real enough to hurt, however Allen nodded to the man. It was true and there was no denial.

" _If Apocryphos killed Suman"_ Kanda thought to himself, suddenly realizing a detail. " _His Innocence didn't turn on him for running away from the Order or even how he told the Noah about other Exorcists… It was sentient enough to understand his reasons and consider them…"_ Like the Innocences of the Moyashi and Lenalee had kept them safe and there should be a reason why some people were Accommodators and others weren't.

" _Perhaps that is really just the Innocence's choice…"_

He recalled the marks in his arms, the veins standing against the skin…

" _They got weaker right after that Apocreep guy attacked…"_

"Mugen alerted me against him"

He realized he had said that out loud when the others looked to his direction.

"What are you saying?" Lauren asked, clearly confused.

"Marks appeared on my arm when I was with you, before I had to leave. I thought it was a preliminary stage of turning into a Fallen…" He couldn't go on. The reactions were immediate.

"And you didn't say a _thing?!"_

"Allen is right, you're an _idiot!"_

"Oh, for the love of…"

"Kanda… You are really _stupid"_ Allen mumbled, running his hand over his face and hair as if he couldn't believe it. Of all important things to be said back then and Bakanda had chosen to keep _this_ a secret. Yes, obviously it hadn't been the case, but it would have been better if the samurai had told them about it!

"Yeah, yeah, whatever" Kanda interrupted them, not wanting to put up with reprimands for something already done. "Point is, the marks got stronger before that thing appeared and then they were gone. I think this means that Mugen was actually trying to alert me Apocryphos was around…"

As the others exchanged looks reflecting upon his words, Kanda ran his eyes through the Exiled.

"This is also why none of you became Fallen. It wasn't just the synchronization level or because you never did anything against the Order" It was more because, like Mugen, Crown Clown and the Dark Boots and Suman's Innocence, theirs had understood the reasons and accepted.

" _How sentient_ are _the Innocence?"_

Allen and Raz just looked at each other, at once thinking about how the boy's arm had violently reacted to Apocryphos' presence. What Kanda had said now wasn't so much of a theory, it was almost a fact if you took all in account.

" _It means even our Innocences may actually be against Apocryphos…"_ The idea warmed Allen, for then it really _couldn't be true_ that Crown Clown wanted for him to be absorbed by Apocryphos… Suman's Innocence had kept him safe from that creature and Kanda's report indicated similar reactions…

The warmth spread in him, like a comforting hug.

"And if we're done telling details of the general picture, could we go on with the subject?" Kanda went with an impatient air. It was important that all knew what was truly happening, since they kept the secret, fine, but the real matter here was how they would help the stupid redheaded.

The room became quiet.

"We don't know for sure where they would be keeping Lavi and Bookman." Elana started, not looking at Raz. She knew the girl wouldn't be able to help and this was a delicate subject.

"Maybe a house? You said that when you met Tyki the first time, he was traveling by train and seemed to have human friends, it isn't farfetched to think they may have houses and… Well, lives" Or at least they lived among humans normally, so…

It made sense.

"Maybe with your eye you could sense if there was a concentration of akumas in just one place, and then…"

"Yes, but how long would this take? It could be anywhere in the world, how would…".

"I don't know. I would bet the Ark. It is the most logical" Krory interrupted holding his chin as he tried to think what the Noah would have done… Even a well guarded house still offered chances for a prisoner to try running away. The Ark would be safer and also isolated, offering more freedom of action to the Noah…

Krory didn't feel good after saying this, it meant they could torture Lavi and Bookman without any problem of a human passing by and hearing screams for example.

As much as they didn't care about killing people, the Noah weren't stupid to expose themselves easily.

"And since I would sense the presence of many akumas…" There was no doubt that there _would_ be akumas serving as guards. "Eventually, we would end up finding it, even if it was an isolated place…"

Lauren sighed as she shook her head.

"We know it is. It can _only_ be, it's obvious…" Not that being obvious made of it a good thing, quite the contrary. And the reasons why they hadn't want to just go and say it was just as clear. Lauren sighed again. "Great. How _great_."

Instead of being an obstacle less to deduce the localization, it had turned into another problem.

"To find exactly _where_ in the Ark they are being kept…" Elana started, slowly. "Fight the akumas _and_ Noah that will be there. Get those guys. Come back with them… And that _if_ we find a way to enter…"

"The Black Ark is completely of the Noah" Johnny commented with an emptiness that made him feel he had no organs. "It isn't like entering a house…"

" _That's why Wisely told us so easily"_ Raz reflected. " _He probably wanted to tease us or maybe he thinks Allen may offer himself for those guys."_

Allen thought the same. There wasn't other real reason why the Noah of Wisdom would have confirmed that particular suspicion and considering it all, it did sound like the only way…

To Allen, however, it was just the most _obvious_ way…

"I think…" He said slowly, with an idea. "That there is a way"

* * *

 **Ana: One does not simply enter the Black Ark... Damn it, I'm sorry, but I had to say this! _  
_**

 **Kanda: You think you're very amusing, don't you?**

 **Ana: Not really... Aaanyway! For those who were expecting a happy reunion... Sorry. I swear that while I was writing, I _did_ try to make it so, rewriting the scene a couple of times before I took another route… Not that I wasn't going to address the issue of what happened in the Order, but I had planned the reunion of Allen and the others to be at least better. However, it really, REALLY wasn't working out and I realized that even if they still care for each other so much, it was going to be hard and awkward anyway.**

 **Again, I'm sorry for those who were expecting things to turn out okay, but sadly, life isn't like this. Just saying "sorry" doesn't fix things and when you hurt someone or neglect them, it isn't going to vanish. This happens for minor things, not wounds such as the one Allen has… It's the old metaphor of the crystal or paper. If you smash it, no matter how much you try to fix it, the cracks and the marks will still be there.**

 **Yeah, not exactly the happiest of reunions, but… Actions have consequences and things change. I'm not saying they aren't friends anymore, but they will need a time to themselves.**

 **Well, let's see how things turn out in the end, right?**

 **Krory: If we manage to infiltrate that damn Ark and get out alive, then it is already good enough for me...**

 **Alison: We're going to die.**

 **Ana: Nice to see how I created a warm, cute ray of sunshine...**

 **Reviews are the version of chocolate. And everyone loves chocolate!**

 _ **Morlana:** Thanks! Kanda's return was a scene I wanted to give the best detail I could. While he still has to come back, at least he managed to be sure of who is still on Allen's side. Next time, we see their suicide mission._

 _Kanda: Yeah, thanks for that "suicide" part._

 _Ana: To be fair, it isn't going to be a walk in the park and you know it._

 ** _jy24:_** _Road will still take a couple of chapters to actually return, but better late than never, right?_

 _Road: It is about time! I don't like the idea of Lenalee meeting Allen before me in this story!_

 _Lenalee: Excuse me?_

 _Ana: Uh... You girls aren't going to fight again, right?_

 _Kanda: The Moyashi seems to have an idea, but getting in the Ark is only half of the issue._

 _Allen: Let's be honest, of the whole thing, perhaps that will be the easiest part._

 _Ana: Probably..._

 ** _SeventhStar23:_** _Wow, thanks a lot! The times when readers tell me their views on my characters and scenes they liked are always the best! And I'm so glad you liked it so much!  
_

 _Raz: Well, I... I mean... Thank you, I guess..._

 _Ana: This is something I always try to do when writing. Making the people of my story "real", you know? And thanks a lot for commenting about that scene of Suman Dark! I was so anxious to know what people would think and I actually put a lot of effort into that!_

 _Allen: It was one of the worse things I've ever felt, that's what._

 _Ana: Well... One more reason to want Apocreep dead?_

 _Allen: As if we didn't have enough already..._

Ana: Again, thanks a ton! Hope you've liked this chapter too!


	23. Act Twenty Three – Disturbance

" _Greater love has no one than this: To lay down one's life for one's friends" –_ John 15:13

 **Act Twenty Three – Disturbance**

Neah wasn't at all pleased.

In another occasion, the more recent events would have made him indifferent or at least amused. The situation of now didn't fit any of the cases… What Allen was thinking (and _planning)_ was the equivalent of throwing sauce in the head and placing it in a lion's head, while sinking the arms until the elbows in a nest of snakes.

" _If at least I could take control…"_

A small shock ran to his direction, a way of Crown Clown to show despise in a warning, which would have made the Noah roll his eyes if his current shape of existence wasn't something far too complex to be explained in physical terms… Usually, the process of becoming a Noah was made by the "principal gene" in question awakening when there was someone missing in the family. Then, the human cells received waves which, slowly, changed the genetic code of human into that of a Noah.

Memories, personality and the identity of the person remained (in this entered a matter of personal choice) and what s/he received were genetic messages that had basic information from the previous incarnations. Not true memories, but some sensations as the protection, recognition to other Noah and the abilities. Neah knew that Wisely always disliked when some family members sought to keep any connection with their previous human lives even after learning the whole truth.

Mostly because his was the only awakening that had almost "real" memories.

The case of Neah and Allen was other _altogether_ : Allen, being someone who had Innocence (another curious point about how he had changed: He didn't have it when Neah met him), wouldn't have been able to become a Noah due to the opposite energies.

In some point deep in his mind, beyond physic, where mind and heart joined and the body is just a wrapping of flesh to the soul, was where Neah's conscience existed and little by little, tried to erase Allen and sent the same wave to change his cells. Theoretically, it would be a matter of time until that body became empty, alive as the soul was already dead, allowing Neah to assume the control. In crude terms, a sort of permanent possession.

The key word being "theoretically".

Two energies in the same environment had no way of _not_ getting in conflict and Neah needed caution. Crown Clown existed just like him and wandered through Allen's blood, its focal point of existence being his arm and still strong enough to watch and keep his system against Neah. One could compare it as manipulating the body to fight an infection.

And Crown Clown felt movements and thoughts from Neah, creating messages in response that were only sensations and, exactly for this, far more clear and pure than words: It wouldn't allow Allen to be taken by the Noah. End of discussion.

And Neah couldn't force the process or even turn it more constant, again due to that Innocence. Extremely care and gentleness were needed, otherwise, that body could end up deteriorating inside out or even entering a process of self cannibalism.

It was one thing he and Crown Clown agreed. None of them wanted this.

All of this left Neah in an uncomfortable position. He had no doubts he would end up winning, but to be in such position… He felt annoyed for his impotence.

As much as the boy was planning and going over details along with the other Innocences' Accommodators and Raz, the Fourteenth still considered all this too impulsive… And mostly unlike him.

" _He really changed a lot since the last time I saw him…"_

However, he could only wish that the whole deal would be successful.

Personal feelings aside, there was something admirable to be found in the risks they were taking for a friend and he had to admit it, but still Neah would have rather not be involved in those same risks against his wishes.

Crown Clown response, if put in words, would be the equivalent of calling him a hypocrite.

 **XxX**

"Do you think you can really do it?" Alison asked, unable to hide traits of worry in her voice. "We won't have the chance to do anything else if this goes wrong…"

Allen shrugged to the girl, a weak gesture as he felt he couldn't even try smiling as he tended to do when wanting to soothe someone's feelings while not sure himself. Nothing good was to be found in what he was about to try and on another hand, there was no other possible option. The old saying "between a rock and a hard place" applied well here.

"You guys are absolutely sure" The white haired male turned to the Exorcists. "That the Order didn't manage to get access?"

"No… Not that we know of." Lenalee started, her tone becoming uncertain as she looked to the others for support, hoping they were right in this point. "Levelier said they couldn't… Track you… Due to the portals you've opened. It seemed they couldn't even know where some went after you closed them"

Allen nodded, but in the last day when they had told him about this, he had been taken by a sense of relief. And also a little surprised, since he hadn't been sure he would've been able to control the Ark to _this_ point.

Very well, as long as the Order had no complete control of the Ark without him, then they could have a chance.

"Reever said they hadn't had news of the progress with the Ark" Kanda told them with the usual seriousness. "It would have been too much of a victory for the Central to be able to keep quiet." He gave the small smile of disdain before the idea of something the Central wanted and couldn't have.

Allen had mixed feelings regarding this… While there was something pleasing about it (if because he was used to use the Ark as his or for bitterness for the Central, he didn't know), he also wondered if the Order wouldn't end up deciding to keep him alive to force him to command the Ark for them.

The idea made a bitter, dry taste come up his mouth.

Now, if this went badly even before they reached the Black Ark…

" _No. Easy. It will work. It has to work"_

"Look…" He started, looking to the others, all standing in a spot in the forest behind the abandoned house at a short distance. Though the sunlight dripped around and the place was alive with the natural aroma of wildness and one or two birds tweeted in some point among the tangled branches, everything felt distant and the sensation was of being underwater or wrapped in a fog, unreachable by those elements.

"No one needs to do this if they don't want to, so if anyone would rather stay…"

The reactions were immediate.

"No way!"

"They are our friends, I'm going"

"Give up _now_?"

"Oh, Allen, shut up, will ya!"

"Haven't we all decided that we'll go?" Elana muttered, trying to give a gentle smile and just managing to lift a corner of her mouth in a kind of grimace. They had barely done anything and she already felt like her stomach was inside out.

"C'mon, let's get this over with!" Kanda groaned with impatience to Allen and a gesture of head that clearly told him to hurry up, for the more they stood there talking about it, the weaker they would feel and more susceptible to fear as well. It wasn't that the samurai _was_ insensitive and his nerves weren't affected by tension, he was merely more controlled.

When it was his life at risk, he didn't care much. He had died already in his true life and this was just a forced existence that went against nature anyway… If this happened in a place and way that the Order couldn't use him in another experiment or bring him back again, perfect.

However, that didn't mean he completed ignored possible consequences and risks, as only a moron would do so. And the Noah knew how to make someone beg for Hell.

Allen stared at the others one last time and received nods.

" _And I had decided to not use this anymore…"_

Focusing in the melody of the song, words in another language started to come from his desire of command, as two memories being recalled at the same time… And was it his impression, or the words sounded weird? More like an actual voice than a sound, almost as Neah's voice, in the only time he had truly seen the Noah's face…

His concentration failed him and the connection that had started to take shape failed, so he needed to try again.

Despite the distance, something reacted.

In a spot ahead, the air itself was tore apart in a white opening, a tear in a veil that allowed one to look beyond the known reality and was met with only whiteness… Even after times using those portals, Marie would admit it was always weird to see one opening like that in air…

Raz was assaulted by a curious sensation, that she hadn't felt when Tyki Mikk had done something like this in the forest, months ago… What was different now?

"I did it" Allen sighed, still not feeling relief.

"Let me check it" Kanda decided, passing by him and going through the portal without hesitation. The whiteness swallowed him and though there wasn't two seconds in his absence, the air stood still until his hand reappeared as if going through real substance and not a curtain of light, gesturing for them to follow.

One by one, Exiled and Exorcists, Noah and human entered the White Ark.

Just like the Order couldn't create new portals without Allen, they also couldn't have access to the "Player's Room", where was the "true" key: The room with the elegant piano.

Allen felt a palpitation in his stomach… Nothing had changed since the first time he had stepped here, almost a year ago. The room remained of a white that made the shadows light blue. The large window through which they could see the blue sky remained of a crystal-like glass, a large windowsill underneath and nearby a long couch with soft seats. And two chairs of round backs.

And of course, the snow-white piano.

"It's beautiful…" Lauren's mutter was so quiet that it wouldn't have been possible to know who had spoken if it wasn't for her lips moving. She looked around to the purity of it all. It was a place of rare beauty, the peace born of the color wrapping them whether they wanted or not and it felt wrong to do much noise, as if you were in a museum or church.

Alison didn't share the feeling. The place only worked to put in evidence what they were about to do, which had nothing to do with serenity.

Allen didn't approach the piano, standing still as he waited for everyone to arrive. His insides were trembling.

"The… The Order doesn't know this room?" The mocha-skinned girl asked in the same whisper as she came near, to which Allen shook his head as Elana and Samuel entered, both looking equally taken over by what they saw. As much as they had heard descriptions of the room, it was different to hear about and _be_ in it.

"That they know, they know. But they can't _access_ it. So, they don't know we're here…" The boy explained, hoping with all his heart that no one of the selected Departments in charge of studying the Ark would suddenly be illuminated by an idea that ended up allowing them to do exactly this.

As he finished speaking, Raz went through the portal.

It was a dagger in her eyes.

A wave in which heat and cold were one pierced her being.

For an instance, the girl didn't move. Allen took notice of this and meant to call her, but before he could, Raz recomposed herself and approached the rest of the group. Whatever had been in her eyes or moving her facial muscles was gone. But there were shivers in her mind and under her skin, threatening to take her over.

" _This piano… It is_ his. _It is Neah's… Neah, he used to… To what? No wait, it isn't the same, just equal. Even so, Neah… Mana too, they… That man, the Earl…"_ Words came disordered in a weak attempt of her brain to force the wave of emotions into an easier analyzed code. However, the girl rejected it and forced herself to not look around, as much as she felt something in the depths of her mind agitating furiously.

She knew something here, she _knew_ she did.

" _No! The priority here is to help those two. I can think about this later"_ To force her mind and senses in a line of focus after such a shake wasn't easy and she asked.

"How is this place going to help us, again?" It was a question without true need after they had planned everything, what she needed was help to go back to the main. Allen approached the piano, standing in front of the keys, not very happy with the perspective of what he had to do.

" _This is Neah's room. Neah's piano. Heh, he even said Tim was his, the first time I entered here…"_ Once more, he felt like an intruder. The thought was nonsense, of course, Neah was the intruder trying to take over him, not Allen!

" _But all here is his. And the Ark is of the Noah. It's all theirs…"_

"Well, _if_ it works out…" He started also pushing the thought away and looking at the others. "Do you remember how this Ark was going through a download?"

"Everything that was here was being transferred to the other Ark" Johnny confirmed as explanation. Though he couldn't go with them all the way, he had refused to stay behind, even when Samuel suggested he stayed checking the golem's pieces that Reever had sent through Kanda at his request. Johnny still wanted to see if he could build a golem or two for the group, which was safer than stealing directly from the Order.

Johnny had been firm: If they were all going through the risk of entering the White Ark, which was practically above the new Headquarters, then he would go through the same risk.

"When Allen interrupted this transference, this Ark wasn't destroyed"

"The point is, to have a transference…" Allen continued, resting his fingers over the piano keys slowly and praying to God that this would work. The surface under his fingers was of cold gravestones. "There was, _therefore_ , a connection between the two Arks, right?"

Although they had went through the same details last night, Lauren's eyes still lighted up.

"If you manage to _reopen_ this way… You'll have access to the Noah's Ark"

"I hope so… And if I'm lucky, perhaps I can make the Ark open a portal right where Lavi and Bookman are. The same way I could open a portal at a determined point of a chosen city." He sighed, for this was a detail they still weren't sure he could do or not. "After this, if I command the Ark to erase this path _completely,_ the connection will be lost and the Noah won't be able to use it to invade the Order"

Alison held back a snort. The Noah could go to the Order and do whatever they wished for all of her.

A second later, she felt ashamed of this thought.

" _That's a lot of "_ if" _and "_ maybe"…" Elana reflected, heart beating cold in her chest. As much as this sensation wasn't new, the effect was the same of always and being so close of the Order did nothing to soothe her.

Some people said you could get used to everything… Either they were liars or they had never experienced true unpleasant things.

You could never get used to pain or fear.

Feeling the hidden shiver in her bones or maybe something in her eyes, Samuel held her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers and squeezing gently, creating a source of warmth.

"Okay…" Allen looked at them again. "Ready? I'll try"

"Good luck, Allen" Krory muttered as Miranda held her own hands strongly, biting her lower lip.

" _God, please… Let him succeed… It's our_ only _chance…"_ If he didn't and they had to enter blindly in the Noah's Ark, then things would be far more complicated. She had no illusions they would be found easily and the Noah would just call the others (that if they weren't _all_ there anyway) and they would all be dead.

Or worse, which was more probable.

" _If we had a way of knowing how many Noah are there or not…"_ The woman took a deep breath, refusing to be dominated by the tension. Not. Now.

Allen, with his eyes closed, concentrated on the Ark and felt the existing portals as he touched the keys, unable to stop as his muscles tensed. He kept hoping the Order wouldn't realize they were _right_ _there_.

It wasn't the song, just three or four notes separated, each a search that came back with echoes of information, almost like the computers of the Order and Allen analyzed it for a way of doing what he wanted… Opening portals had become easier with the pass of time. It shouldn't be that hard even now, right? Theoretically speaking, this was another portal in a specific location…

" _C'mon, concentrate… For Lavi. For Bookman"._

He played a note, mind in the Black Ark. Under his finger, the piano sounded and he felt as if an invisible string was vibrating inside the instrument. Okay, this meant the Ark was searching the connection with the Black Ark… Maybe remains of the download's path and, with this, a way could be forged.

Allen shivered. It always felt weird how the Ark was a mix of technology and magic. And that he knew how to make it work…

" _You or the Fourteenth?"_

He pushed the thought away as he would to a fly.

The vibration under the keys remained…

Around, no one dared speak. Alison and Krory merely watched Allen with his hands over the keys, both only able to imagine how that worked. Raz had her hands closed, a part of her focused in hoping this piano would do the trick and another still fighting the storm in the back of her mind to not get distracted.

But there was something here that, while still mere sensation, was still too close of being a memory _._

Elana held Samuel's hand.

" _I'm afraid"_ She moved her lips with a sheepishly look. The man nodded, leaning to her.

" _So am I…"_ He whispered back, caressing her hand.

The vibration carried on, Allen felt the small string running on the depths of the Ark, the gears that made it work, the spells that ran on it as blood. Portals known, sealed rooms, it sought the focal point.

" _Like a bat"_ He couldn't help comparing this to sound waves.

It reached!

He felt, an acute and thin needle reaching a point. The string was all fragmented, but the Ark worked fast to fill gaps, recreating the path, not opening a portal yet.

" _Let them not realize this"_ He could only hope that, in their confidence, the Noah wouldn't suspect that Allen could/would do this. Maybe… There was this chance, right? Neah himself had said not even the Earl knew of this room.

So, there were things in the Ark that not even the Noah Patriarch knew of, right?

" _Analyze of environment… Search Innocence…"_ He commanded the Ark, heart stopping as he waited to see what would happen… Would it work? Could he localize them? He had never been sure of how this thing processed his commands, always judging it similar to the Order's computers (and how he had been impressed to see one of those, he had never dreamed that sort of thing could exist).

More vibration. An extension of the string…

Was it searching?

Arrows hitting something.

"I did it!" He whispered, opening his eyes. "I did it, found them!"

"Can you feel how many akumas are there? Or Noah?" Alison risked, impressed how Allen had managed all this by mere playing some notes in a piano. It was almost _scary._

Allen hesitated, shoulders falling.

"No… It's easier to feel Innocences because they are opposite to Noah or akumas, but… It's like trying to count drops in the ocean" He shook his head as he couldn't place that into better words. It was like the Arks recognized the Noah and Akumas as "natural", so they didn't stand out in a "scanning" as he had done now.

Alison tried to smile, just managing to move her face muscles into the position of one.

"It was too much to ask for, right?"

"Let's review the points." Allen sighed, turning to each of them seriously. His fingers were shivering. "This is not an _attack,_ we have to grab Lavi and Bookman and _come back"_

"Let's keep akumas and Noah busy and out of the way" Kanda growled before showing a cynic smile. "So _do try_ to stay alive and that's _it_ "

"We discussed the positions, remember?" Samuel said calmly, not bothered by the samurai's tone. Near him, Miranda activated the Time Record, the circle sliding to her wrist and turning gently, greenish lines with dots shining in circles in what could be taken as a replica of another solar system.

"Please, be careful. The "Recover" will stop you from feeling the wounds, but they will come when I deactivate." This would help them to not be slowed down when running back, yet she sighed, brown eyes going over them almost in a plea. "So, please… _Pay attention._ Don't go overboard"

Though there were nods to this, the woman still couldn't emphasize how important that was. It was easy to get carried away when you didn't feel pain and your body didn't warn you of damage and limits being reached.

"We'll open the way, get the idiots and get _out."_ Kanda said again. If any of those morons were caught up by the adrenaline and didn't back off when the time came…

"Everyone, ready?" Allen felt all his organs had moved places. When was one ready? He turned to Johnny, with a smile that wasn't more successful than Alison's. "The Order won't be able to get in here… So… We'll be right back, okay?"

The man with glasses was too sincere to even try to pretend, though his anguish was limited to his eyes as he wanted to look strong for his friends. Allen tried to sound firm. Lauren patted the man's shoulder and winked as Lenalee waved as if they were merely going in an outing.

"I-Itterasshai… Ki o tsukete [See you later… Be careful]" Johnny muttered.

Those were just four words, but carried much to be truly _just_ that.

"Ittekimasu… [We're going]" Miranda and Allen muttered along with the others. Something in this old habit still had a warm comfort.

"Okay…" Allen sighed and pressed a single key in the piano.

A portal appeared in the room.

"Go!" Allen ran ahead, followed by the group.

As soon as he crossed the light, not minding the sensation, Krory's ears were attacked by the sound of needles in his eardrums.

An akuma screamed. Another laughed. Some just stared, showing identical teeth in expressions that could have been carved in the faces of corpses without eyelids.

Smiles? Grimace? One could never tell.

Five, perhaps six akumas.

Level Four.

"Exorcist! Exorcist!" The voice of one of them pierced the air. Alison growled upon realizing the thing was referring to all of them as such.

It was a dark room without furniture except for a table and a kind of long couch… Boxes of gifts lay around while candles and globs of light floated.

Miranda shivered in recognition to the presents and candles. Her post was at the portal's side, taking care so no akuma or Noah would go through. At her side, Marie had his lines around. Alison, due to her distance-type of attack was at Miranda's other side, arrow ready.

Kanda sent an attack against the screaming akuma. The creature avoided it, metal wings against the air and coming at the samurai, trying to avoid Alison's arrows.

The other akumas attacked. They were beings of death, created to feast themselves in the action of slaughtering and didn't need orders to do so.

Allen jumped and hit with the sword, more to push aside than to destroy, trying to ignore the souls that cried and begged for help. He could see two forms threw on the couch, dolls that didn't move.

The younger's head was on his chest. The old man seemed unable to talk, his head rested in the back of the couch, only the eyes seeming to show there was some sort of life in that flesh.

They didn't react to any of the hell that came to birth around.

"WATCH OUT!" Someone screamed, a sharp-edged whip almost met Allen. From the darkness, a tall woman with hair put up revealed herself. Her eyes were more cat-like than Allen remembered.

The boy had no time or intention of greeting her, Lulubell also had nothing to say, attacking with her whip once more. The white cape covered him and Miranda's Recover made him feel just the pressure of the whip, but he knew the pain later would reach his bones.

The thing slithered to the other side as Krory and Samuel attacked the woman, who graciously avoided them.

The others tried to keep the way open. Akumas came down to them as white harpies, screaming and laughing in a cacophony to make ears bleed. One grabbed Lauren by her back, claws in her flesh before an arrow almost hit its head and Lauren managed to turn and punch. Shadows wrapped the Akuma's ankles, pulling until it let go.

Alison sent arrows through the room nonstop, her instinct leading her each time one of those white eagles attacked someone, also to the ones who tried to attack Miranda and Marie. The man moved his fingers and an akuma got caught in the lines. Miranda remained firm in her position, forcing the Time Record to go at maximum, drops of sweat coming down her face.

Kanda jumped over one that was going in Elana's direction as the woman fought another. The creature roared when Kanda hit its back, managing to cut a wing. The sound was crystal against blackboard and nails breaking.

Raz tried to hold and pull the akumas away.

Her shadows trembled with their strength. Her muscles whimpered.

One was caught by the legs and wings. She threw it to the ground. Another fought Lauren and Lenalee, struggling and trying to reach them when held its wings and arms.

Her body rolled the cold floor when she was hit. She heard sounds as Lenalee and Lauren attacked the now free akuma. Turning, Raz saw another akuma touching its lips as a child, red eyes shining.

"Sorry, Miss Noah" The child-like voice chanted with a smile, in a face with no muscles or flesh. "But the Master Millennium Earl is seeking for you and the Fourteenth." It tilted its head. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Raz did not answer, whips of shadows going for the akuma.

"Let's play! Let's play!" The thing laughed and flew high as if it was all a game of tag. Allen tried to get free of an akuma that remained between him, Lavi and Bookman.

Lenalee jumped in the air, aiming an attack…

A wave of heat caught her. Her body was thrown, caught in the hurricane as a butterfly. She managed to escape, body shivering. A part of her mind wondered if she would have burns later.

"Well, and what is this?" A soft purr overpowered all the noise as if things were silent. "A party at _our_ Ark and you didn't call us?"

Tyki Mikk, Sheryl Kamelot and Toraido had arrived.

Samuel brandished his spear against Lulubell. She avoided. The whip that was her arm came as a snake to Krory, who managed to hold it, trying to pull and throw her balance off. The thing however was part of her and alive.

It turned to hit him against the floor. Krory bit and she hissed.

The other whip of her arm went to Samuel. He defended. The thing stretched in the last second. He managed to avoid a hit on the chest, but felt it crossing the flesh on the side of his body.

" _Damn, if we could get near them!"_ Allen cursed, for though the others tried to keep the enemies away, they were more interested in keeping their attention than attacking more directly. " _They just want to make us tired. Until the Earl arrives…"_

Raz was about to attack the akuma fighting Allen, but someone blocked her vision. A shield of black matter shaped as a star. Not waiting for Tyki to say anything, she focused her shadows into a sword as dark snakes slithered in the air around her.

The man laughed, using the shield to defend and attack at the same time. Black matter, something Raz still didn't know how to handle, passed by her in needles.

Shadows grabbed his arm, leaving the chest open. Tyki turned, aiming a kick on her side. The girl avoided it in the last second.

"You've learned a few new tricks, Raz, Noah of Loneliness? You seem to be better than last time" An attack of his Black Matter came close the girl. Raz wouldn't be able to tell if she had been hit or not.

Alison concentrated in an akuma trying to attack Marie with a kind of sound wave, fighting the melody the man created.

" _End him, go back to the akumas with Allen and Kanda"_ She told herself, a new arrow being born in her bow.

"And what the young lady _thinks_ she is doing?" A voice purred at her side. Before Alison could turn, her arm bended back against her will, a position no arm should be. Something pulled her by the neck, twirling her body in the air.

Miranda screamed. Marie soon told her to stay where she was, though now other lines wrapped the ones of his Innocence, not allowing him to interfere with the green eyed woman.

One of the Noah who had arrived stood in front of her, eyes running over the girl in slow evaluation. Suspended in air, Alison felt something enrolling around her arms and neck several times, in a needle-thin spiral.

"My dear, it is very rude to just come in someone's home _uninvited_. Tsk, tsk…" He sighed, the waved hair pulled back in a way that emphasized the strong features of the face. "Well, I think it was too much to ask that someone who associates with Innocence to have the smallest amount of manners…"

Alison couldn't answer. The lines wrapped more and more in her arms… They nestled under her skin… A fine pressure in the flesh and her arms were pulled in opposite ways…

The Noah's face was blurred…

Her lungs burned without air.

" _Stay alive…"_ A kind voice said in her mind. Someone from her past. " _Run, my little one…"_

The world lost focus…

Somehow, among the mist, she still could see the Noah, smiling… Smiling…

"ALISON!" Raz cried, pushing Tyki's shield aside, making a run… And lifted her sword in defense when the Black Matter passed by her. The shield blocked her way, shards surging and pushing to corner her.

She tried to get free. Shards of lilac flew by her, her mind tried to follow the movement to lift her shadows in defense…

"Oh, Raz, I'm a very _possessive_ man, you know?" Tyki asked with mocking gentleness, before a smile tore his face apart. "So… _Pay attention to me,_ alright?"

"Get _out_ of my way _, Joyd!"_ She hissed in fury, not realizing what she had said as her eyes assumed a golden reflex that oscillated.

Tyki frowned, all amusement gone and replaced with deadly coldness.

"Wrong name, _dear"_ He growled as he attacked.

Sheryl moved aside fast. Waves of half-moon blades came to him.

As he turned, Alison fell. The air scratched her throat to make way to the lungs as she coughed.

Elana attacked the Noah of Desires, who smiled.

She jumped back, using the blade of her fan to try cutting the lines when she felt (or thought) them coming to her skin.

Sheryl merely walked to her as she was forced to back away, still smiling.

"Perhaps" He suggested in a soft voice. "I could teach you and that other _Exorcist_ how to behave?"

It happened fast.

Light cut the air, freeing blood.

Sheryl stayed still for a second before turning slowly with blood sliding down from a cut in his cheek, an insane hate twisting in his eyes.

Alison stood, hand already with a new arrow and with a glare of her own. Even in the cacophony around, her whisper could be heard quite clearly, barely keeping all the hate in her.

" _Never_. Dare. _To call_. _Me_. THIS!"

Lenalee fought Toraido. The wave of heat increased, echoed in her blood and messed her thoughts. Leaning her feet on the wall, she took impulse in the air, avoiding when he cut the point where she had been.

The Noah turned to her, with no change of expression.

"You are the Noah of Judgment, right?" She asked, attempting to distract him somehow.

"You should know it by now" It was the reply without intonation. He twirled his sword in the air and Lenalee tried to kick it with all her might.

Needles came up her body and she jumped away. No pain, but instinct told her to not try this again.

Toraido lifted the sword. Lenalee prepared to jump…

The Noah turned suddenly. A twirl of the blade and someone rolled in the ground, near Lenalee. Lauren had tried to attack him.

Both girls stood, facing the Noah. Their eyes adjusted to the light. The blade itself hadn't turned into fire, but had become transparent… And living flames run inside it, never stopping. It was as if the thing was alive and its blood was lava.

" _Oh, God…"_

"The flames of the Final Judgment" Toraido said with indifference, upon noticing their eyes. "Enough to boil your blood and melt you from inside out…"

He studied them, wondering the best way to demonstrate.

An akuma screeched, the cut Allen had made bleeding oil. The smell of machine took his senses, but he didn't pay attention.

"I'm sorry, so sorry…" He muttered, for the soul begged him for help and freedom. Other still cried at him to get his friends and run away. Allen asked forgiveness to all of them, he couldn't save them now.

Another blow. The akuma recoiled. Someone took charge of it, as it didn't attack anymore. The distance finally had diminished. Arm still attacking, Allen jumped to throw his cape and called upon Crown Belt. Snake-like extensions pierced the air.

Lulubell saw and turned her attention to the boy. Samuel and Krory stayed on her way. Krory growled, his golden eyes rivalizing hers. Among the mess, he had still managed to bite an akuma and take the blood to increase his own strength.

The white extensions wrapped the two bodies carefully to any pain they might be feeling and pulled them back. Krory got rid of an attack and ran to Allen.

"C'MON, RUN!" The boy screamed. Elana threw a last wave to Sheryl as she and Alison ran back to the portal and stood there, throwing arrows and waves of blades to try make the path clean for Allen who carried Bookman in his back.

The old man had a heavy breathing, but weak hands tried to hold on to the collar of his cape. The Crown Belt was still activated around him, in an attempt to make sure he wouldn't fall.

Raz tried to hit Tyki to throw him away, but he blocked her way with a cruel smile. An arrow almost hit his head and shadows came up. Raz slithered away and started to run.

Marie made a curtain of lines come down with an echo of melody, trying to make sure the others could come. Kanda stood at Alison's side as the others went back to the White Ark.

Allen, near the piano, waited for everyone. Johnny already ran to them, worried. As soon as Marie came through the portal, falling on his knees, Allen played some notes.

The portal disappeared, closing a cry of hate. Still Allen played a little, concentrating in cutting connection and destroying that path forever and blocking the Ark to any attempts from the Black Ark before he opened a gate back to the abandoned house in the woods.

No one said anything.

Miranda had sweat coming down her face and breathed heavily, still the Time Record remained activated as they passed through the second portal, back to the forest. They heard birds flying around surprised by the sudden light and a squirrel that had been nearby ran to a tree.

Neither Lavi nor Bookman had reacted until now.

"Are they alright?" Johnny asked leaning to Bookman who was now carried by Marie.

"Lavi is alive" Krory replied, thought it wasn't an exact answer to the question and still was the best they had. The redheaded boy's heart beat and he still breathed, however his eyes remained closed and there was no signal that he had realized he was no longer in the Black Ark. The body was alive, but under all other aspects, Lavi looked like a doll.

Johnny placed fingers in Bookman's neck. Heartbeat was fine…

"Let's leave them in one of the rooms, okay? That one at the side of the stairs, one of those we cleaned?" The others nodded in agreement. Despite Time Record be keeping the wounds away, the natural tiredness took them over. The muscles were hard and flashes of what had just happened remained in their minds, refusing to become past.

Once in the room in question, Marie and Krory placed the two men in beds that groaned in protest of being used after so long. The old mattresses sunk with their bodies, one of them letting some of the filling to bleed out by a rip on the side.

Lavi now had started to pant. His condition, now that they had time to watch him, seemed worse than Bookman, his body was lost in fever and a small shiver ran once, as if there was too much of exhaustion to allow any movement, but there was nothing they could do now.

Exiled, Exorcists and a Noah exchanged looks… They had done it.

Miranda sighed. She hated those moments. Always remembered what had happened in Anita's ship, people who knew they were dead already insisting in acting as shields of flesh.

Some kept their heads up, others closed their eyes in expectation…

Time Record was deactivated.

Skin opened. Flesh was ripped apart. The red bloomed and gushed, members struggled as if the bones were rebelling…

At once, Johnny opened the boxes of first aids and started to patch their wounds.

* * *

 **Ana: And here we are. Is everyone happy?**

 **Tyki: I hope this is a rhetorical question.**

 **Lavi: You're joking, right?**

 **Ana: What? Why?**

 **Sheryl: We had them right there and didn't kill them on the spot? Are you stupid?**

 **Lavi: And we got rescued only to be in what? A vegetative-like state?**

 **Ana: First off, you and those akumas actually did a number on everyone, second, what did you expect after almost five months with the Noah? To be in perfect shape?**

 **Lavi: Of course not, but I…**

 **Lulubell: It was unrealistic to "hold" them. We would have killed them on the spot.**

 **Tyki: You seemed to be having fun with the African Prince and the Uncle Vampire.**

 **Lulubell (** _ **narrowing eyes):**_ **I hope you mean by how I almost killed them…**

 **Tyki: Hm, perhaps?**

 **Elana: I wish he would learn to stop saying things that can be misinterpreted. But I suppose there was a lesson in all this…**

 **Ana: Suicide missions sometimes work?**

 **Elana: Never call Alison an "** _ **exorcist**_ **" unless you have a death wish.**

 **Ana: She is the one that almost died, to be fair.**

 **Sheryl: Not to worry, I'll make sure to finish the job next time…**

 **Ana: Aren't you a dear?**

 _ **SeventhStar23:**_ _Don't worry about it, I'm glad you reviewed. To be honest, your reviews are the type I always hope for (I always love it when people give me detailed opinions)._

 _Regarding the video of opening… Hm… Well, it wouldn't be anything with much animation in my part, more using clips of the anime with drawings of my own and some effects and all. I'm not sure if there are many people who would like to see it, so to be honest, I'm not sure if I should do it or not._

 _I'm glad you liked it. Like I said, I don't believe it could be a happy meeting after everything that happens. It doesn't matter how close people are, there are some things that can ruin friendships (or at least damage it a lot) and a simple "sorry" won't fix it._

 _Allen: But it doesn't mean we have to stop being friends…_

 _Ana: That's because you're the "all-loving hero"._

 _Allen (_ pouts): _You say it like it's a bad thing…_

 _Krory: We didn't have problems accepting her! I mean… It's just… Well…_

 _Ana: You are still Exorcists and still have a certain view of Noah?_

 _Krory: More or less I guess…_

 _Raz (_ blushing): _Oh… T-Thank you…_

 _Ana: You have no idea how happy I get when people like my characters so much! Yes, it wasn't fun for her. She can be friends with them and be like a sister to Allen, but we can't just ignore the fact that she is still a Noah. Her situation doesn't help, so she felt quite out of place._

 _Miranda (_ madly blushing): _M-Me and Reever-san? I won't deny that… I like him a lot, but… I miss him, of course and… I… I…_

 _Ana: Indeed, they have something going on. Reever just noticed now. As for Kanda and Raz… Like I said, I won't give anything away._

 _Allen: It's already two people shipping them. Though I think she deserves someone better than Bakanda._

 _Kanda: What was that?_

 _Lauren: Ha, Allen is starting to develop protective brother instincts?_

 _Ana: As long as he doesn't turn into Komui, we should be fine. As for Lauren/Kanda… I confess, I hadn't thought about that, but it would sure be funny! I don't know if he would want to hug her or kill her._

 _Alison: It is how most people feel about her._

 _Lauren: HEY!_

 _Ana: You picked it up! Indeed, even the Innocences seem to regard Apocryphos as a danger, even if he is Innocence. Mugen, being now in Kanda's organism, could send a warning to him. I'll be honest, after you comment, I'm rather happy how I wrote that scene of Suman!_

 _Allen: You're a sadist, you know?_

 _Ana: No, I just follow one of the golden rules of writing: Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen to a character and then go ahead and do it._

 _ **SasuNaruHina:**_ _Nah, don't worry. I'm also hoping to get soon to the chapter when she comes back. It's quite close._

 _Allen: Can I just point out that I think if she was in the Ark when we rescued Lavi and Bookman, we would have died in the first second?_

 _Ana: Pfff, of course you would! You would step in and boom, game over. You lose._

 _Road: You say that as if I was a demon! I would just play a little…_

 _Ana: …_

 _Allen: …_

 _Lavi: Oh yeah, she would play alright. And once she was done, we would be lucky to still be aware of who we are. Or have a mind altogether._

 _Ana: Allen definitely would have surrounded himself if things came to this point and there was no other way. No matter how much he is searching for the truth, it doesn't mean anything next to the lives of his friends._

 _Alison: As if we would allow that!_

 _Elana: We would fight him, but it would be to keep him safe._

 _Ana: As for Raz… It's not easy to answer what she would do. She would be quite torn up with a decision such as this. She already is as things are now…_

 _Neah: To complete my plans, yes, it is necessary._

 _Ana: That would be an interesting development, I'm not going to lie about it._

 _Lenalee: But then it wouldn't be_ completely _the Allen we knew for all this time. Nor Neah. It would someone different…_

 _Ana: This actually leads to a deep conversation about identity… I promise to do my best to include more scenes of the Noah. As for Skin… No, Kanda truly killed him. The changes in the "basic storyline" of Hoshino diverge from mine right when Allen met the Earl in that alley (so, like I said, Neah and Mana here never were part of a single being)._

 _ **jy24:**_ _It was a good thing Kanda was there, otherwise it would be even more awkward. I hope you liked the idea of how Allen was able to control the Ark in this rescue. Now let's hope they manage to recover, because man, they were beaten up pretty badly._


	24. Act Twenty Four – Ghosts of Pain

" _The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you will see" –_ Winston Churchill

 **Act Twenty Four – Ghosts of Pain**

The room could've easily passed by a hospital environment if taking in account the silence alone and not the physical elements. No one felt much like talking, limiting themselves to allow the muscles to slowly recover from the events and hoping they would stop feeling as stones instead of flesh.

And also for the pain to cease.

So, they either watched the old man and the redheaded or merely stared at some random point (the eyes making it clear they were, actually, lost inside their thoughts). Miranda organized the gauzes, painkillers and similar things on the end of one of the beds since the small table was taken. The house could be big, but they all had stayed in rooms close to each other and it would be better if everything was put in place, should anyone need anything.

Besides, there was the need to do something with her hands.

Seated at a point with his back leaning on the wall, Allen took small bites of a piece of bread. It had no real taste which didn't matter anyway to him. It wasn't as if his body could focus on any taste. Although their bodies were more resistant than that of "normal" humans and could recover faster, it didn't mean there was no pain and neither that they would have done better with stronger medicine than which could be obtained by anyone at the local pharmacy.

On her turn, Elana studied Lavi and Bookman, walking from one bed to another and touching their foreheads to be sure there were no signs of fever, hand resting on their chests to feel the dragged breathing. Miranda had commented they both looked quite thinner, even if it wasn't close to sub nutrition.

They had been fed enough to remain alive and without hunger-related problems. Elana for a moment had considered they had received only the necessary to keep them weak enough to not fight back, but the idea was ridiculous: Even if they had been in their best shape, a fight in their situation would have been suicide.

Hand holding the old man's wrist, she concentrated. She was no specialist, but still the heartbeat seemed normal… At least it was what she hoped for. Not able to think of anything else she could do to make sure they were fine, she remained there standing and intertwining her own fingers.

As fine as one could be, at least.

Being a nurse or doctor had always been her dream, which she had never been even able to attempt to follow due to having been found as an Accommodator by the Order. Still, during her years in the Organization, she had tried to learn what was within her reach. It hadn't been nearly enough to feel close to what she truly wanted to be, but it was better than nothing. And it was more than sensate to have at least a basic knowledge of first aids when you had to go to a battlefield so often.

Her eyes crossed the room to meet Allen's. The boy stopped chewing without realizing it and Elana tried to smile, despite the complaining of the muscles, trying to convert a message in the gesture and something in Allen's features soothed.

The blonde held a sigh. The three of them had decided to remain in the room to take care of those two and now she had no idea what else to do. A needle of pain pierced her when she took a seat on the floor near the old man's bed and the wound at the side of her body cried out, making her teeth seek the flesh inside the mouth to hold back a hiss.

For quite little, it hadn't been anything more serious. She could only thank Johnny. Once their fleshes had ripped apart by itself as in a horror story, he had been quick on his reaction and helped Miranda to patch them up.

Only them she had truly understood the woman's plea that they took extra care on the battle. The idea of facing the Noah had gained new shades of nightmares.

A whimper called her attention to the old door as it was opened. Samuel peeked inside for a second before going in, gazing at Elana for a moment before showing a weak smile that didn't reach his eyes. His chest was wrapped in gauze under a loose coat and she could see the beginning of the scar he had gained on the Forest of Lights.

His arm was also held on a fabric, improvising a sort of sling. No bones had been broken, but there was risk of opening the wound if he moved it too much. Elana recalled the tall Exorcist, Krory, had also a deep cut in the joint of shoulder and neck. Lulubell's whip had gone deep in flesh and muscle and it was only due to how Krory's Innocence existed in his blood that had prevented him from having an artery ripped open and bleed to death.

Not that those were the only damage.

"How are they?" He inquired in a soft tone, voice scratching his throat on its way. Allen shrugged in a light movement, insecurity back in his face. Miranda had her arms round herself in a sort of hug, having nothing else to do now.

"We… We're not sure… We didn't find serious injuries, only that…" She didn't continue, mind playing with images from the past. The same happened to Allen as he recalled Wisely attacking Kanda with his mind power, something he had seen only for a second before falling into the memories of the samurai.

Physical wounds hadn't been found, but this didn't mean there weren't signs of abuse. And Allen could only imagine the sort of wounds that didn't leave external marks the Noah were able to cause.

A slow nod of understanding from Samuel stopped Miranda's words as a calming hand on the shoulder would. He turned to the bodies on the beds, not coming any closer.

"Only we don't know what else they've done" He completed for her. "Are you alright, Mrs. Lotto?" He asked her as her hands went to hold her elbows, itching with the need to move and get busy with something in an attempt to take her mind off memories and flashes and thought she would rather not have.

"Oh, yes. Thank you…" There was an attempt at smiling at the dark man, in the cautious way of one talking to someone who is still a stranger. "And… And you and the others?" She felt silly for the question, but she wanted to make an effort to build a friendly relationship with those people. Samuel seemed to accept the gesture as a pale smile came back to his face of panther.

Or a close of a smile as they all could right now.

"We'll live, that's what matters. Your Time Record was a great help" He turned to Allen, going back to the other subject at hand. "Johnny commented about going to town later to buy more food. He was trying to talk to Kanda through the door about it, asking if there was something he wanted."

That made the four of them to exchange knowing glances and almost mutter a giggle. Kanda had refused with all stubbornness he could to receive any medical help, insisting he could take care of himself alone and had retired to one of the rooms, mumbling that he wanted to sleep and would slice apart any one that tried to bother him before closing the door.

Not that it made much of a difference to close it or not. Most of them didn't have locks and some were missing the entire doorknob anyway.

"But the idea of _warm_ food does sound great" A low voice whispered.

"Lenalee, you should be resting" Miranda reminded the girl, whose legs and feet were hidden by curatives and gauzes, protecting the burned skin and boilers caused by the contact with Toraido's sword. No one had had doubts that the flesh could have melted away from the bones if the touch had lasted for enough time and, after applying a cream for burns and infections with all care that she could to not increase her pain, Miranda had suggested that Lenalee took her time resting before walking around.

It wouldn't be for long, however. It wasn't like when her Innocence had been unutilized after fighting an Akuma Level Three in Anita's ship and considering that her Innocence was Crystal-Type now, recovery would be faster. There was nothing else to do about the pain (hers or anyone else), but at least they had reasons to hope there wouldn't be damage to her nerves.

"Oh, the room I'm staying in is close" It was the reply as the girl watched the others. "Johnny just talked to me about getting food in a restaurant or something"

"I can't say it's a bad idea" Allen muttered. Thought they carried a pan to cook, making use of small fires when they had to spend the night outdoors, Johnny's idea was definitely seductive.

Lenalee nodded in agreement.

"I shouldn't be much, but it's good enough." She carried on. "Besides, the kitchen here has no use. It's beyond hope" No one could disagree with that, the place would have been unidentifiable if it hadn't been for a large, quadrangular-shaped thing at a corner that had once been a stove. Even if there were new furniture, it would still be impossible to use that room.

"That's why we didn't even try to save that when we found this house" Allen commented as he remembered. "Johnny even said not even his cleaning robot would have been able to do anything about it, didn't he, guys?"

"That he did." Elana sighed, thoughtful. "Maybe I'll go with him…" The words came lightly as the idea formed along with the sound. With the Exorcists, they made a large group ( _for now_ ) and perhaps it would be better if someone helped him carry things. Besides, she felt a need to go out instead of just stay there resting. It was almost funny… Her muscles were exhausted and the only reaction the idea of resting caused was agitation.

" _Yeah… Hilarious"_ The thought had no real humor.

"No." Samuel's tone was gentle iron. "You're going to rest"

Elana opened her mouth to protest at once. Allen was faster, not needing to hear her words to know what she would say.

"It's better, Ela. You've done enough already…" His smile was that of one who shares a secret as he winked. "You know that if you insist, we may end up locking you in a room and barricade the door."

Some humor appeared in the woman's eyes as she assumed a playful expression of disdain for the idea.

"Oh, _really_? And pray tell, what room would you use when most of the doors are falling apart anyway?"

Allen didn't let the issue bother him.

"Maybe that small chapel under the stairs." The tone remained with false innocence. In the entrance hall, if you walked straight after entering, there was a door between the two stairs that led upstairs. It lead to a small airy room that it had been used as a personal chapel ages ago. There was no way out besides that door, so Elana wouldn't have been tempted to use a window to get out, be by jumping or grabbing some branches of nearby trees.

"And I'll go with him, then. We need more medicine anyway" Samuel completed, as if Elana had voiced her thoughts about helping Johnny, his eyes remaining on her like Allen's, both with knowing expressions that were almost identical.

Lenalee just watched the scene.

Elana still felt the protests growing on her, but before Samuel's soft gaze, she was unable to voice them. It wasn't a demanding look, there was only worry to be found there. She would also like it better if he stayed for resting and recovering… Nothing of this was born out of doubt for each other's strength. It just wasn't enough to silence the natural worry.

And the fact the years had made their bodies used to fight also didn't meant the injuries hurt any less. For an instant, she almost raised her hand to her face, where in the left side there was a purple stain.

" _Maybe… We will end up having to steal"_ Members from the Order had an easy access to all sorts of medicine even during their trips, but they hadn't had this luxury since years ago, so in some grave occasions they had resorted to small shoplifting in pharmacies or even breaking in late at night.

Only when there was _no other option._

Didn't make the act any better, but what could they do?

"I would think we would have to do this with Lauren" The light muttering carried her acceptation and the three held small laughs with the idea of the girl's reaction upon finding herself locked in and what would happen when they finally released her.

"She would probably bring any barricade down and you know it" Samuel said as a solemn expression took over Allen's features when he nodded.

"Not to mention" The white-haired boy completed. "What would happen to _us_ once she got free"

The exchanged glances said all about what would probably be the consequences and Elana pretended to shiver. Samuel's attention turned to Miranda, some laugh still holding on his eyes.

"You should rest as well, Miss. Lotto…" He hesitated. "Noise Marie said your Innocence affects your organism…"

No lie in this.

"Samuel is right, Miranda" Allen supported the man, not allowing pain to show when his back screamed when he stood up. "You should sleep a little as well" She had been protected as well as possible during the fight, but this didn't mean she hadn't had her share in the battle.

Besides, they couldn't forget that as soon as they recovered a little, she and the other Exorcists would have to go on to the missions given by the Order. If they spent too much time without making contact, they would fall in suspicion.

Allen didn't want that to happen.

"I take care of things over here, don't worry"

"But…"

"You have been here for a while already" Samuel's eyes went to Lavi and Bookman, some warmth fading away when his gaze fell in the old man. "You guys also need to lie down a little" He turned to Elana and then Lenalee. "That goes for you two as well"

It wasn't as if there was much to be done for Lavi and the old man either way. Another needle of pain convinced Elana that it actually wouldn't be a bad deal to go take a rest and wait the painkiller would be enough to help with it.

"A-Are you sure, Allen? I can stay here, too"

"What about your cut, Lenalee?" It wasn't just her legs that had been hurt. Even if she went to lie down, there were also excoriations and cuts to heal.

" _And they probably weren't even taking things seriously… For all we know, they were just playing. Just trying to hold us back"_ Some of the Noah could easily have an attitude such as this. Well, perhaps not Lulubell… For what Allen could remember of their few encounters and her behavior, she stood in his mind as someone who had her entire being turned towards efficiency. Tyki and that other Noah of wavy hair who controlled lines seemed more the type to enjoy playing with their prey.

His gaze was attracted to the two unconscious Exorcists and his mouth went dry.

They would wake up, right?

 _Right?_

"Don't worry" That was not only directed at her, but himself as well. "Anything, we call you guys, promise"

On a side, Lenalee wanted to insist and stay. On another, the desire to accept and walk away found birth in some hidden point, a little below her stomach, echoing in her body with a bitter taste.

"Well, alright then. We talk later?"

Allen agreed with a nod and the smile of always. Leaving the room, Lenalee still heard Miranda muttering something, though her mind didn't care to process the words and crossed some steps in the hallway to another room, at the side of the one Allen had showed to her and the others once they had arrived.

There was no one there. The bed was a thick skeleton with remains of wood in the headboard that could be barely identified. The mattress, or whatever there was left of it, bled the insides and there was a metallic groan when she seated down, eyes on the floor without seeing anything.

She would have insisted to stay with Allen, but suddenly there had been a suffocating sensation. There would have been insistence even so, if it wasn't for Samuel Kallen… Not that she had anything against him, far from it, but it would have been an opportunity to try talking to Allen alone, something she still felt the need to… The words she would say failed her when she tried to think about it, just the wish existed.

Her mind took slow steps back to the night when he had left, the moments before he left, the last words exchanged between them and it ran through those four months without any communication, then the news that he was okay and the reencounter…

Reencounter. The term barely fit what had truly happened.

She had imagined how it would be several times, mind conjuring scenarios that went from positive to negative and all shades in between, the idea that she might have to fight him someday haunting her frequently to the point her imagination almost made a memory out of it that worsened gradually until the scenario was Allen joining the Noah by his own will. In such occasions, she pushed the thought away and even rebuked herself for allowing it: Allen _would never_ do such a terrible thing!

Never, never, never.

But unwanted thoughts are wild dogs, that can't be hold back for long, especially in the late hours of night when sleep escapes us.

Her hands rested on her laps, unfeeling to the gauzes in one of her arms, flesh uneasy under skin, nerves still frozen in waves of pain. To see Allen again should have been _different,_ they should have hugged and be able to express happiness with none of the reservations they had felt.

" _We abandoned him, Lenalee"_ Miranda's voice came to her mind.

When she had heard about Apocryphos, her first reaction had been to search a way to use that information so everything could be explained, so Allen could come back and they would remain together and would be a "family" again and…

She was happy they had been able to rescue Lavi and Bookman, no one would ever be able to say otherwise, the relief she had felt to know they were alive had ran through her soul and washed away months of worry… Only that… Only that now this was over and done…

A cold thing touched her wrist.

She blinked, only now realizing the tears coming down her face. She had once heard someone say that tears were like blood from a wound that wasn't physical or something along those lines and couldn't deny this went well what her current feelings: A wound in the soul couldn't be treated with pills or gauzes.

Her wrists closed as she held back a sob in the back of her throat. Everything seemed the same and however, it was _different_ and she wasn't sure of how to act in this situation or what to do to make things go back to how they were supposed to be. Even if she had been able to stay alone with Allen for a couple of minutes, Lenalee still didn't know what she would have said.

Of course, it was good to know he hadn't been completely alone in those months, even if… Well, even if one of the people who had been at his side was a _Noah._ What truly should matter was that he hadn't faced those months on his own, that he hadn't been consumed by the Fourteenth Noah, that he was fine and…

" _Why can't I stop feeling like this?"_

"Hey, you alright?"

Blinking to clear her vision by getting rid of some small tears that were hanging on her eyes and lifting her head, Lenalee saw the girl of dark grey hair, Alison Rouwen, who studied her with a light frown.

"Are you hurting? Some wound opened?" Maybe it was her legs? The burns weren't exactly light and even if they came to heal without leaving marks, only a moron would assume there was no pain. Perhaps the girl needed a stronger painkiller or…

" _Damn, if at least we could go to a_ hospital…"

"N-No… That's not it…" Lenalee cleaned her face with the back of her hand.

"What happened?" Alison asked with a gentle tone, despite her voice being hoarser than usual. Gauze was wrapped around her neck and layers of it covered her arms. Sheryl's lines had made a nest in the exact point between epidermis and muscle. By pulling as he had done, the Noah's intention had been to skin her as one would to a rabbit.

"It's just… I…" Lenalee shook her head, hair following the movement. Her eyes still itched a little. "Everything is too different…"

Alison blinked and her frown deepened, not fully understanding what the girl was going on about and decided it was better to not say anything and let her continue.

"I didn't think that when we met Allen again… That it would be like _this"_ It hadn't passed by her mind to open herself with any of those people who she didn't know at all, but there are moments when one needs to expulse the feelings in the shape of words and it becomes easier when there is someone who seems willing to listen. "It _shouldn't_ be this way. I…"

She took a deep breath before going on.

"I spoke to him right before he… He left the Order… And I spent a long time thinking _when_ and _how_ I would see him again"

It was easier to go on if she kept looking at the floor and let the words open way by themselves.

"I was happy to know he _is alright,_ that we could meet and I wouldn't have to fight him! After all those times we helped each other, I wouldn't have be able to stand it if something _had_ happened!" There was no lie here, but somehow what she had seen moments ago… Allen, Kallen and the blonde woman talking like that. This was what there had existed between _them,_ but Lenalee couldn't find it again, no matter how much she searched.

"It wasn't how I thought… It wasn't how it was _supposed to be._ It wasn't as if he had come back from a long mission or when he appeared in Edo…" That was how reencounters between great friends was supposed to be no matter what, wasn't it? But it hadn't been like that occasion in Edo. That had been a true reencounter, there were still a team, still a family…

"And… And when I try to hold the way things were, it escapes. I… I _just wanted we could go back to those fays,_ that we could explain things to the Order so everything would be fixed! Allen says he forgives us and, well, of course he does, it's _Allen_ , but then… Then…"

"Then why things can't go back to the way they were before?" She heard Alison asking softly and nodded, her fingernails against the palms of her hands. The days before all that danced in her mind along with the present.

"I know it was wrong, but… If Levelier had not… If at least the Order _understood…_ That's why I thought we should tell about Apocryphos. Perhaps with time people would _understand_ and… I wanted to believe we could fix this. Then we would be a family again" When she had seen him laughing with those two and commenting about that Lauren girl… Lenalee had seen in those words and gestures what she wanted to have back and that now felt out of her reach.

"Why can't it be like before? I just want to get what we had back, this… This isn't _wrong!_ I just wanted him to come back…"

"Lenalee" The girl called her softly when her own voice gave space to silence once more. "Do you know something?"

The girl didn't move to answer. There was no need to give any sign that she was listening.

"You _annoy me"_

Her words were whispered and enough to lift Lenalee's head as Sheryl's lines would have done.

"Very _touching_ all that. No, really, it _is"_ Alison's tone remained a whisper even with the sarcasm growing in the sound and the silence around seemed to grow stronger. Lenalee was about to reply when the other continued. "And like all those little, sweet words you spit until now, they are completely useless"

With a sigh, Alison crossed her arms, movement hardened due to her curatives and the wounds underneath.

"It is so _easier_ like this, is it not?" A sweet venom found its way to her voice and her green eyes glinted. "When you cry, everyone else think they no longer have the right to reprimand you. After all, you're already blaming yourself and suffering, poor thing."

"No! I don't… What are you _even_ …" The surprise before the other woman's words held Lenalee for a moment, delaying a reaction.

Alison stared at her before sighing almost tiredly.

"Lenalee… Tell me. What do you _truly_ want?"

"I told you, I…"

"Forgiveness? Yes, I've heard that part. But _why?_ You said he did forgive you" Not that the girl or any other of those people had done anything to deserve it, at least until Alison was aware. Well, like Lenalee had said, it was _Allen,_ after all and it wasn't her right to tell him how to deal with this, no matter how much she disagreed. "But do you think that just because of that, it follows that things _should_ go back to the way they were? That everything can and should be _forgotten_ as if nothing had ever happened?"

The woman shook her head, almost more to herself than to Lenalee.

"Then what you want isn't forgiveness, it's absolution and just so you can forget what you did"

"I know it was wrong! I told you, I…"

Alison didn't let her carry on.

"Am I? Then what do you plan to do to redeem yourself? Are you going to change yourself? Watch so you don't repeat your mistake and hurt him again?" The older woman scoffed a humorless laugh. "It so happens, Lenalee Lee, that you want his forgiveness and for him to go back because what happened and the consequences don't fit in your cute little vision of the world where everything is black and white and you're in the extreme specter of the white, being part of the heroes of a story"

"No, it _isn't at all like that!"_ Lenalee protested with a growl. By instinct, she would have stood up hadn't it be for the pulsation in her muscles protesting the idea. "And you don't know anything about me, you have no right to…"

"I know enough just by observing and hearing you" The reply cut the air, though it remained a conversational whispering, the seed of mocking having been replaced moments ago and the green of her eyes grew colder.

"You're the sort of person who keeps vowing to herself that you'll be stronger and offer the others the same support they offer you… However, you never _act upon it_ and never have the guts to go beyond the bell jar you created to yourself. I would be understandable if you were younger, it would be a way to deal with it, but it is way pass the time you open your eyes."

"Shut up… You don't know me!"

"Don't tell me you think you're the only one the Order took away from home and threw in a war without caring for what you wanted of life? The only one who suffers nightmares and barely knows how to live unless it is doing what the Order trained you to do? What they did to you should only be a proof so you keep in mind that nothing in life is black and white. Limiting terms such as those can be traps for the mind"

The memory of Suman Dark crossed Lenalee's brain, aware that Alison would have used him as example if she could, without any real need. The Order had forced him, asked for his services until his death in exchange for medical care for his daughter while not allowing him to see her again.

A shadow of smile broke apart Alison's face, so light it could have been a dream of thought. There was no change in her gaze.

"You've never questioned the Order, have you?" The silence seemed to only worse the sound of her voice. "Not _really_. Even what they did to you or others. So, tell me, do you tend to find whatever justification or try to not think about it altogether?"

"What I think about the Order has nothing to do what the situation, this is about _Allen_! Don't mix it, it's not the same thing, you just…"

"Of course it is!" Alison snapped. "When he had to leave, it broke your bell jar. Because if he is your friend and the Order is against him, the line between "you" and "them", "right" and "wrong" is no longer as clear as you believed it to be. So you can't ignore it easily. The world you created to yourself is now lacking a piece and you don't have your old comfort anymore, you can't be sure you're right, that you're a hero, that the Order is good. And that's what you can't stand"

"You don't know anything about us! Nothing about how… How I feel about him! Not even what I felt when he left, you have no right to say those things when you weren't even there!"

"Oh, is that so? Fine then. What were the last words you told him? You said you saw him right before he left. Did you wish him good luck? That he remained strong? Some promise that you wouldn't fight him, no matter what?"

Lenalee didn't answer.

Alison blinked.

"Oh, I don't believe it…"

"I… I asked him to stay…"

Before Lenalee could say anything else, trying to explain why she had done so, Alison scoffed a dry laugh and sighed, clearly disinterested in anything else Lenalee could have to say.

"Your last words to him were a pathetic plea for him to _stay?_ Right after the Order classified him as a Noah? Did you actually think that if he went back with you, things would be alright? You didn't want to fight, but _who_ said you had to? The Order would sure, but that means you would have to obey? This just means that you didn't care if he rotted away in that fucking cell as long as things remained the way you wanted. He is not a friend, Lenalee, he is just another brick you used to form your world"

"How _dare_ you…" The fight that had been lighted inside her oscillated for a moment. "I would never see Allen like this, I would never think in any of my friends in such a demeaning way…"

"I would even be able to ignore how you did nothing for him, since I know you have a brother in the Order" Alison carried on, her eyes rolling to the ceiling as if finding an interesting bug there to follow. "Tore between loyalty to Allen or your brother, understandable. But it wasn't. Considering your actions, your worlds… Your world start and ends in yourself."

Alison studied Lenalee up and down with complete lack of interest, just the ice in her eyes remained as a sign of emotion before she turned her back to Lenalee.

"Saying "sorry" over and over won't fix anything, even if you're forgiven. So, you're remorseful. What does it change what you did? In what that changes anything if you keep being the same way? If things went back to how they were, you wouldn't have to think about it or bear the consequences. You don't want the days of the past to come back because you're sorry or because of Allen. It's just for yourself."

The woman stopped at the door for a second, turning her face to Lenalee for the last time, ignoring how the other looked at her with a mix of anger and hurt.

"Those days? They _won't_ come back. You guys have made sure of that by yourselves. And if you want to know… At least the _Noahs_ are honest about their nature"

It seemed that Lenalee would reply, but Alison had no interest whatsoever in what she had to say and closed the door behind her. She very much doubted that girl would follow her in the state her legs were and even if she didn't, it didn't matter at all. Even if she tried to bring the subject up later on, Alison had no intention of hearing her.

She had heard enough.

"And once again, Alison Rouwen uses her tongue as a whip"

The grey-haired girl turned to the sound of the tired voice. Lauren was there, her back leaning in the wall near to the door with her arms crossed over her chest. Her posture would be considered of relaxation if it wasn't for her eyes.

The wave of weariness under her skin took away the healthy look of her skin and her eyes were pale.

Alison didn't reply.

Lauren tilted her head to the side. That way of Alison at times use words wasn't surprise for anyone of the group, but at the same time…

"Don't you think you were far too harsh with her?"

"There is nothing wrong in missing the past. The problem is that she is only doing so because she wants to _run away,_ not because of friendship or anything of this sort" Alison groaned categorically, not feeling up to speak more about it. Her throat was starting to hurt and her nerves were waking to pain again.

At the same time, she knew Lauren was someone you just couldn't ignore, even if you tried.

The mocha-skinned girl shook her head, disturbance marking her entire being.

"Ali…" She whispered almost with sadness. "You went _too far_ "

When Alison didn't react, she sighed.

"Did you know her?"

"No"

"Then why do you hate her so much?"

The silence that followed had a different nature than the one that had been left in the room with Lenalee and the green eyes strayed to the side for a moment, before she turned her back to Lauren. Once she spoke again, her voice carried the tiredness of many sleepless nights along with something else, whose origins were buried deep in her nerves.

"She reminds me too much of myself when I was in the Order"

Alison looked over her shoulder to Lauren.

"What I _don't_ want is for her to end up crying for the same reasons I did"

With that, she entered another room and closed the door. Lauren said nothing else nor made any movement to follow the other, fully aware of what Alison meant. She could not say she agreed with what she had just said to Lenalee, but at least she comprehended.

Irene.

Lauren sighed, feeling the known weight coming back to her organs. No…

There was nothing wrong in missing days or elements of the past.

They would all be hypocrites of they said otherwise.

 **XxX**

Sitting near the window of a naked room, Alison's gaze crossed the glass and got lost in the woods, not truly seeing anything. Trees stood and their branches intercrossed in webs and those nude of leaves were old bones.

To hear Lenalee speaking had truly recalled her of herself, how she had been a lifetime ago. And Irene…

Irene…

No. It wasn't that _Lenalee_ had made her think of Irene. Alison couldn't stop thinking about her every day.

And every time, she missed her.

Irene.

They had lived in a small city of Europe.

One of those small locals you find easily anywhere. A city that could be ignored in the map without an issue.

The father was an artisan.

The city could someday grow and become something more or then be devoured by time and not even leave a scar of a name, a proof of existence.

The mother was a helper in a small hotel. It wasn't that the city could be truly considered a touristic point, but when someone came by train or had to catch a ship, it wasn't uncommon that they would need a place to stay.

There were hills near the city.

Irene liked it.

Green hills, a lake of grass that went until where the eyes could see.

It had been more than eight years ago.

That if you counted it in a calendar. Everything could have happened in another life.

The hills.

The sea.

And Irene…

Irene

 _Used to enjoy going to the fields a little beyond the city. Going up a small hill, it was possible to see the trails of the train cutting the green as a small dark serpent and, beyond, the sea covered the horizon and reflected the sun with the image of a blue mantle jeweled with drops of gold._

"C'mon, Aliss!" _She calls with laughs, like when they were children and runs some steps more before taking a seat in her favorite spot, right under a huge oak. One of the few trees of that point and in whose branches they had played several times when they were children._

 _Both love this particular spot of the hill exactly due to the lack of other trees around and the view. When small, their parents used to bring them here frequently and Alison and Irene, with childish innocence, had come to regard the place as something mystical and special, almost as secret belonging to them alone._

 _Years that bring maturity had made it clear it was no secret, not a place reserved for them, but something in their interior remained considering the place with the care that survives growth. Perhaps it was more connected to the animal self than the place as a physical point._

"Easy, girl" _Alison replies while Irene places a small tablecloth down with stones in the corners so it won't fly away. Alison knees down at her side and takes food out of a small basket. It's Friday, classes are over and vacation are at the beginning._

"Do you think you'll be in the same class as Benjamin next year?" _Irene inquires with a wink, that Alison ignores with a roll of her eyes as if she was still young enough to despise the idea of barely having a friendship with a boy, let alone interest. But Alison is aware she will never say anything to Benjamin._

 _Everywhere has its social hierarchy and in no place you'll find the human necessity to form one (not for need of order but for need to have a division between superior and inferior ones) than in a school. Alison and Irene are not in the lowest cast, but Alison knows she can't dream with anything alike a relationship with Benjamin either._

 _The Rouwen twins are not repulsive, but are not attractive either (not enough to allow them to call attention at school). They aren't poor, but are not rich either (not that they care). They have their group of friends and it's enough for them. They are people who can't approach the bright circle of laughs of the popular students, and however the fact they are left alone and treated as inexistent is good enough._

 _Therefore, whatever feeling Alison may have for Benjamin will only work to break the protection they have, attracting attention and pushing them down from their position, inciting comments and mockery. Aware that's how things would go, Alison simply accepts and will rather like Benjamin from afar. It's easier to admire someone who doesn't remember your name even after two years studying together than someone who remembers who you are just to avoid the gaze with despise or (worse) join those who will point and laugh._

 _It's Irene's time to roll her eyes. Alison may hide everything even from their parents, but Irene is far too much a part of her._

" _I am you. You are me" They used to say when children, sitting in front of each other and imitating movements in such precise way that one would think those were previously combined gestures._

 _They are not._

"It would be better if you at least tried" _Irene mutters while running her hand through her identical grey hair. Her voice has no exasperation or tiredness, she is merely pointing out her opinion. "_ Honestly, what will he do, Aliss? Kill you?"

 _Alison prefers to change the subject. Benjamin may be the gentlest person of the classroom, owner of soft voice and suave glances, but this doesn't change the fact he is a person belonging to the firm circle of light, praised and who gets attention no matter where he goes. Even if he doesn't mock her should she say something, others will._

 _School hierarchy can sound ridiculous to others, but it's something firm and immutable. Irene is the only one who knows of her interest for the boy and also until her incentive is welcome and the line that separates it from becoming invasive._

"What do you think we could do during this vacation? I'm not sure I want to work for Mrs. Honsem…" _Mrs. Honsem. Boss of the hotel where their mother work and who at times employs extra help during vacation time for half-time. Irene doesn't feel like keep doing it for much longer, she feels there will come a time in life when a consolidation happens… All she knows is that she doesn't want to spend her life working in a hotel. She can't think about it as the profession she desires._

 _She doesn't have an actual idea of how she wants her life to truly be either and the thought has come to her mind (and her sister's mind) with more intensity in the last months._

 _Alison turns her eyes to the branches of the oak, twisted in a web above their heads. She understands her sister's feelings almost as if they were her own until a certain point. Irene is the one who looks to the horizon and wonders that lies beyond the field crossed by the gray line of the train. She is the one that looks to the sea and dares to throw herself to it. Alison still remains with her feet in the grass and merely gazes at the waters with hesitation before her sister offers her hand with words of security._

"I don't know. It isn't as if we had much more to do in town" _A reality they thought more about when they were children, before getting used to it. Alison is not a fool and knows the world is not limited to a small town in the middle of nowhere such as this… The thought about this place is as comforting as bothersome, for reasons she can't convey into words._

 _Her eyes escape between the branches to find the sky. An idea crosses her mind to her mouth._

"Perhaps we could travel"

 _Irene's back become straight. Shoulders turn into stone. A cat ready to jump and an intense light is born in her being._

"Do you really think so? _Without_ mom and dad?" _She adds with a hopeful tone. Something in this way of her speaking always seems to make Irene shine with an inner fire._

"I think you're wanting too much now" _It would be a bit hard to convince Josef and Hila Rouwen to travel by themselves, even if they were to stay merely a week in a neighbor town._

 _A low chuckle joins Irene's and cut the conversation, a restrained and polite sound that seems to back off after touching them. Both turn and realize the presence of a man nearby. He doesn't look like anyone they know and raises his hand when green eyes land on him._

"My apologizes. I didn't mean to intrude" _None of them react immediately. The man is dressed in a black coat and carries a book in his other hand. The white hair falls framing his face in curtains and he has a shadow of mustache._

"Ha… Good afternoon" _Alison greets him for education as Irene waves in a briefly way._

"Good afternoon" _The man replies. His eyes are black and deep, the lines marking his face have gentleness. "_ I didn't know this place was taken, my apologies. I didn't mean to bother you" _Both see it's true. The man had just been coming up the hill and met them by mere chance._

"You're not from here, are you, sir?" _Irene asks, soon adding. "_ I don't mean to intrude, I mean…" _The reason behind the question is clear. Small town. The man denies with his head and explains he is merely staying in town for some days._

 _With the caution manners of who is before a stranger and slowly a conversation starts. The man is Kevin Yeegar and arrived in town two days ago and came up here yesterday to read._

"I liked the place and thought about coming back today" _He explains, showing a book that neither of the girls know._

"It's a good book?"

"Quite good" _He offers it to them and Irene picks with care, taking a look at the back to have an idea of the subject._

 _The twins end up inviting the man to sit down with them. He thanks the invitation and complies with firm movements for his apparent age and even after coming up the hill, he doesn't appear to have broken a drop of sweat or to be out of breath._

 _During the conversation, none of the girls has means to know the real reason for the man to be in town._

 _Yeegar meets them again in the following days. He is an interesting man and both girls appreciate his intelligence and the things he knows and shares with them. Only later, recalling the conversations, they would realize some signs._

 _They don't become friends right away, but they don't feel any surprise when Yeegar tells he has been a teacher a long time ago (Irene later comments to Alison that she would rather have Yeegar as their teacher at school and her twin can't deny it), although both feel something amiss in the way he mentions his old career._

 _So it was natural for them to start calling him sensei. Yeegar never gave signs of being bothered by it, smiling the first time Irene calls him as such._

 _As the two politely refused the offer of Mrs. Honsem to work a little during their vacation (the mother inquired why, but neither of them could find the exact terms to explain, it's something that only gains more substance when they exchange glances and how can you put something like this into words?), they go out with Yeegar and show him around town. It's almost a trade: They present him town, Yeegar present them (through his tales) the exterior world and Alison soon notices something in Irene's eyes at the same time something wakes in her blood._

 _Then, perhaps for the first time, the idea of what lies beyond the sea and the train rails is finding birth in her in a conscious form. Alison doesn't know and doesn't bother with analyzing it. Certain things need only to be felt and nor her, nor her sister are out of the phase when the body goes through inner storms as if everything that exists under the skin is moving and searching the right position, trying to place itself, trying to…_

 _Trying to what?_

 _In a way or another, it doesn't last long._

 _A week after they met. Night is coming. Their mother shift is ending earlier today, so Irene and Alison decide to go to the hotel along with Yeegar, so they can go home with her. Their mother has already met Yeegar after hearing the daughters telling about him and went to meet him, who presented himself with all politeness. Hila Rouwen is distrustful by nature, but has instinct about people. She expressed this distrust upon learning of this friendship between an older man and her girls (who could be his granddaughters), but the man has nothing of perverted or sick or any trait that causes the maternal alarms to scream in her mind… And when her daughters invited him to dinner two days ago, their parents seemed to like him in the end._

 _Even so, Hila left them with a warning that they shouldn't go to isolated placed with him anyway._

 _The ending of the afternoon drops shades of gold over the streets with care and they quickly become bluish while the air around holds the warmth. Yeegar tells them about cultures of other people and old myths they have never heard before, transporting them to other ages through his soft voice._

 _Irene comments something about a character of a myth, the human desire of flying even with wax-made wings and Yeegar chuckles. It's really almost as if they were in some particular class and the three find a strange comfort in this thought. Like the hill and the oak, there is something especial when they talk like this, something belonging only to them._

 _The destruction of this peace is a few steps of distance._

* * *

 **WOW! _90_ Followers? _-Throws confetti-_ THAT'S SO GREAT!  
**

 **Allen ( _eating cake):_ Thanks everyone who enjoys this story. **

**Ana: And special thanks to _SeventhStar23, jy24, Ryukialover_ and everyone who sent thoughtful reviews! You guys are the very reason I keep updating this!**

 **Wisely: That's true, lack of feedback always means lack of motivation for humans.**

 **Ana: And you non-reviewers should learn from them!**

 **Kanda: Have you ever thought that if you stopped being a pain, you could get more reviewers?**

 **Ana: We're _trying_ to have a party here, you know? **

_**SeventhStar23:** Well... I'm caught up with college, but with July coming near, perhaps I'll have the time, then. _

_Reever: Actually... That's a scary thought._

 _Raz: Why?_

 _Miranda: Uh... You never saw Komui, right? And neither how "protective" he is of Lenalee. So believe me, yes, scary thought._

 _Ana: I think it would be hilarious! Couples will start to develop slowly, since they are all in a war, but I LOVE to see people starting to ship the characters!_

 _Alison: You tell me, I'm all sore..._

 _Sheryl: I just hope next time we'll have more time to play._

 _Ana: I see where Road took her notion of play from... Though... She is actually from a previous generation, so maybe she was the one who influenced Sheryl?_

 _Tyki: More likely they get along fine due to similar notions and stuff like that._

 _Ana: Yep! Hm, probably it was the "Noah recognition" instinct working. And yes, Tyki didn't like that very much. Now... If there was more to it or if he was just teasing... Who knows?_

 _Lauren: You won't have to wait for long, since Alison went down Memory Lane now. Calling her "Exorcist" is the fastest way to REALLY piss her off._

 _Sheryl: No, I'll not. Like I said, perhaps I should teach this young lady how to properly behave with superior beings._

 _Alison: I don't know where you get such delusions._

 _Sheryl: Why, you little..._

 _Ana: Could you leave the bloodbath for when you meet again? Please? Thanks. And... You're right. They aren't happy about it at all... As for how they will recover... Time will tell._

 ** _jy24:_** _The control of the Ark (well, anything related to that thing) is really mysterious, but it involves a connection with the "player". It's more than just a "machine"._

 _Neah: Allen managed to control it as he did in the beginning, with the portals and all, because I became more conscious inside him. To manipulate it as he did now... It is because I'm growing stronger._

 _Ana: Allen has become more open-minded regarding the Noah with his questioning about this war. But he really doesn't want to accept anything of him being Noah due to fear this will make easier for Neah to erase him._

 _Allen: Look, I'm not a Noah. Carrying Neah inside me is not the same as becoming a Noah! And I have Innocence, so that alone means I couldn't ever turn into one. And hey, even the Clan admitted my case is different. I just want to be myself and I can't just let a spirit or whatever he is possess me. I don't even know what would happen to me, I probably would die or enter a coma state or..._

 _Ana: Alright, alright, take a breath before you pass out, boy! Geez..._

 _Lauren: But many people want Allen to become a Noah, rather than be possessed._

 _Ana: After what the Order did, what did you expect?_


	25. Act Twenty Five - The Wounds that Never

_"_ _The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone" –_ Harriet Beecher Stowe.

 **Act Twenty Five – The Wounds that Never Heal**

 _When they enter the hotel, there is only silence to be found. In itself, this isn't so much cause for surprise despite all odds, since this isn't a big place for starters. The few tenants could be either out or in their rooms and most of the staff would be changing turns or in the kitchens._

 _The light from the lamps made their shadows shiver in the floor._

 _"_ Mom must be upstairs" _Alison suggests to her twin as she glances around. The cushion of the sofas is straight, not a mark on them. The reception desk has nothing beyond the telephone and a lamp. The book of registers is opened at a random page._

 _Nothing is out of place._

 _"_ Or maybe she is talking to Honsem…" _Irene completes, more out of a sudden urge from her vocal chords to work in reaction to the silence that now pierced them. Her voice does sound lower than what's usual or needed._

 _Yeegar's eyes gain a sharp edge as they run across the area around. None of the girls understand why he seems to be in search of something… Something that should be there and yet isn't. And whatever is still here… Perhaps shouldn't be found._

 _Irene and Alison exchange looks. And all that needs to be said in this moment is said in this act._

 _"_ We're scared" _Alison thinks, the rational mind confused by the animal instinct. "_ A lot. More than when dad was ran over. But afraid of what? What is wrong?" _It isn't the first time they enter the hotel and meet no one at first, so this can't be the reason._

 _What is happening?_

 _"_ Everything" _Irene's eyes answer. "_ I don't know, Aliss, but _everything_ here is just _wrong"_

 _Yeegar still turns to them, indicating the door in a sign that it would be better if they left. Both shake their heads in denial, even if they would like to do just that, even if they_ want _to leave a place that bears a sensation of such… Such unnaturalness._

 _But they can't._

 _The man cast them a grave stare, but both still deny it. What if their mother is still here? There is something here and they can't just turn their back on it. They don't even know if they would be able to…_

 _Yeegar sighs in silence and makes a gesture for them to be alert and stay behind him as he goes for the stairs, taking every step with caution for noises. The silence is heavy around them._

 _The man changes with every step. The appearance remains the very same, but underneath his skin, the muscles become rigid and there is a new firmness in his movements. With a gleam neither of the girls has ever seen in his eyes, he appears bigger somehow._

 _Alison shivers, looking around almost without control as she feels the presence of something, not unlikely one who knows he is being watched and she can almost be sure there is a sort of smell in the air that has nothing to do with the place. And if she ever manages to think about it later but free of the knowledge she will acquire, it will be the instinct that will understand this is the smell of insanity._

 _The rational mind will run away from it._

 _Wait…_

 _That's it._

 _The air is wrong. The smell in the air_ is _wrong._

 _Upon arriving in the hallway the shock and fear is what closes the girls' throat and nerves. At Alison's side, Irene leans on the wall to not fall, hand covering her mouth that has no strength to scream._

 _The hallway is painted in blood._

 _The walls are red and stained with grey that look too much like human shadows that somehow were burned into the surface. Alison steps back, mind threatening to close so it doesn't have to bear the details of the scene, the sound of the blood slithering down the wall, the bright color…_

 _Something comes from the side._

 _Irene's scream is a plea for insanity so she doesn't have to deal with any of this._

 _Alison's own mind enters a mist-like trance of who has spent too many nights awake and has no strength for thoughts. And the last thing she feels is relief for it._

 _The thing in the end of the hallway turns the protuberance full of eyes towards them. The mouth opens in a cacophony of quick screams as the blood slithers down. It has no teeth, but small sharp things wave in movements of worms. Pieces of meat that still bear human form fall in the wet flood, blackening and becoming dust._

 _"_ EXORCIIIIST! EXOOORCISSST _!" It sings loudly, causing Alison to cover her ears against the sound that pierces her eardrums to scratch the nerves._

 _"_ Get out of here! Run!" _Yeegar orders them, without looking back. A sound from behind, but Alison doesn't turn, doesn't move, doesn't think, not until Irene suddenly grasps her hand and pulls her along to another hallway, as the stairs are blocked by another creature._

 _The first being jumps against Yeegar. The second cries out something about Innocences._

 _And nothing of it makes sense._

 _Irene runs with Alison through hallways, both hearing a series of movements behind them, indicating they are being followed. Hallways and hallways, some containing black corpses, some washed in blood and Irene enters a random room, pushing her sister through the door._

 _"_ Aliss?" _Irene whispers after closing the door and placing her ear against the wood, hearing when the creature pass by._

 _Alison says nothing. There is no movement either. Her eyes are still burned by the image of the creature and there are shivers in the nerves under the skin._

 _"_ Aliss! _" She insists. Nothing._

 _A sound of whip cuts the air._

 _Irene breathes in, hand still as Alison's face grows red quickly from the slap._

 _None of them has_ ever _hit the other. Even during their worst fights, they have never reached such point. Alison blinks, turning her face to her twin, who sighs upon noticing a little lucidness coming back to her eyes._

 _"_ Listen, Aliss" _Irene whispers, grabbing her shoulders, nails against flesh. "_ Don't do this. I need you here. We're seriously screwed…" _She looked back to the door and frowned, indicating the wardrobe with her head. They had no way out, not with the main hallway taken by those monsters. And to leave by the window would mean their deaths._

 _The creature was coming back._

 _Pushing some hangers to the side, both enter, their breaths dropping as they fear to make any noise. They don't risk leaving a creak open. Their bodies, as one, try to cease functioning as if even the beating of their hearts could denounce them._

 _They hear the door opening._

 _Heavy sounds. Metallic sounds. "Steps" is the closest name for it, though it's not quite right._

 _Hisses. Is the thing sniffing? Or laughing?_

 _Alison's heart is frozen._

 _More heavy sounds that have nothing of organic or life to it. They grow weaker as the creature leaves. None of the girls move until there is no more shadow of sound and Irene has to take a deep breath before daring to open the door a little._

 _The room is empty._

 _Perhaps the thing was not searching for them, perhaps it couldn't smell them after killing so many people, but in the end, it doesn't matter._

 _"_ God…" _Alison whispers and it is the first sound she can produce since she has seen those beings. Irene sighs in agreement, still not able to understand and her actions being commanded by the survival instinct._

 _They exchange glances. What if their mother… No, they can't think about it now._

 _Irene holds her sister's hand as she nods in a way that says they have to be strong, remain calm and try to leave. This is the priority. Alison nods back, she knows all this, but also needs someone to remind her._

 _Hoping against hope the stair is empty now, they venture through the hallway. The blood still feels warm and it goes through their shoes. The black corpses stare at them with empty eye sockets._

 _They reach the stairs. For an instant, it seems everything will be alright…_

 _Before they can react, a creature jumps from somewhere. It drags Irene down. Alison screams, looking around without any idea of what to do. The creature's mouth opens in a laugh or growl. A tongue made of soft protuberances that wave covered by a strange substance falls from the mouth. Irene is struggling and screams when it rubs against her face…_

 _Chains cut the air._

 _The creature screams as it turn its head (or at least the member where the mouth was). The chains pierce the carcass of metal. Yeegar tells it to leave Irene alone. The being, caught in surprise, jumps and tries to get rid of the attack. Greenish lights come from Yeegar's black coats as living shooting stars, attracted by Irene and Alison._

 _Two chains follow the attack and pull the creature with a strength no one would have judged possible._

 _A light runs through the body that, by all laws of physic and nature, shouldn't exist before it disintegrates._

 _Yeegar destroys the creature at the same time the lights burn the hands of the Rouwen twins, without devouring their skins. When Alison realizes, there is a bow of white and green flames at her side. Irene has her hands on something alike a fencer sword whose white light reflects in her eyes._

 _It is Yeegar who manages to make both of them regain their senses and tells them to wait and he goes to finish the remaining creature. He wouldn't ever send them back home alone after those events, so he tells them to sit in the sofa and both comply, the exhaustion finally claiming their ability to feel anything and they embrace the sanctuary from the storm of emotions (none of them pleasant). Meanwhile, he calls someone on the telephone on the reception desk, talks to someone and then proceeds to call the police, talking with the inspector once he arrives._

 _None of the girls pay any attention to any of it, but none of the three are accused of anything (later, the idea would seem ridiculous considering what they could see of the corpses) and Yeegar takes them home._

 _They have no strength anymore to keep a lucid thought and fear for their mother… If she is dead… If those creatures got to her…_

 _The image of the black corpses, nothing more than ashes that held human form, is vivid in their minds._

 _It isn't the case, one of the few sources of peace of this night. Hila had left work soon. She is already back home, since she hadn't thought her daughters would go to the hotel with Yeegar. In short, her salvation has been due to pure luck._

 _This night, the truth is exposes. The existence of akumas, the Order and the Innocences, and the fact that Yeegar has stayed in town because two of the Innocences he carries had started to react weakly since his arrival, indicating the presence of accommodators, who had ended up being Alison and Irene Rouwen. The akumas that have attacked the hotel were probably after him and all the Innocences he carried._

 _Had they not been part of the events of this night, none of the girls would ever have believed such story._

 _Josef Rouwen stares at his daughters firmly, aware that none of them has motivation to lie about a story that sounds so much like pure nonsense and leans towards them. Hila has placed covers over their backs upon seeing them, not needing to listen to anything to realize there is something terribly wrong with her daughters. Now, Alison and Irene are drinking some hot chocolate, as they had done in the night Josef had been ran over and none of them had been able to sleep with the fear that their father might die._

 _"_ Girls _?" He calls them with gentleness. Identical green eyes meet his and his heart agonizes upon finding the exhaustion and remains of fear in them, enough to make him wonder if it will ever leave and how deeply it pierced them. "_ You truly saw all this?"

 _Alison lowers her gaze. Irene nods in silence. Won't this night ever end?_

 _The weapons that were their so-called weapons rest in the sofa. Hila has left them there upon seeing her daughters didn't seem at ease near them. She wasn't sure she liked those things herself… The eternal flames that make the shape of a bow and the blade of the sword, even if they don't hurt at the touch, are not something she enjoys. They are as unnatural as the "akumas" Yeegar tells them about._

 _Yeegar also told them how those weapons are in "raw" state and need to be processed in order to be properly used._

 _It is not a detail that particularly interests Hila or her husband._

 _Wasn't it for the fact their daughters have confirmed the whole ordeal, they wouldn't have believed it, regardless of the evidence in the sofa._

 _Josef stares at Yeegar, all gentleness gone from him as he lifts his face._

 _"_ To the _devil_ with all this"

 _Yeegar can only sigh. He can't say he ever expected another reaction._

 _"_ Mr. Rouwen, I do understand your feelings…"

"Forgive me, sir, but I don't believe you do" _Hila growls, not caring to hide the savagery in her as her hands rest in her daughter's shoulders, in a instinctual gesture of protectiveness that Yeegar knows to be useless. Josef doesn't tear his eyes away from the old man, not intimidated by the strength of those dark eyes._

 _"_ All this can be true, very well, let's go on from this premise as insane as it is" _His words come between the teeth and he leaves out the detail that he believes it all due to his children. "_ Since otherwise, we won't be able to advance with this conversation… Be as it is, you're saying that, due to those Innocences, my daughters are supposed to go with you to God-Knows-Where. As if that wasn't enough, they are supposed to be send to a war against a being who, according to you, has the power to bring souls back from whatever afterlife there is and cage them in skeletons of metal so he can use them as weapons…"

 _Yeegar doesn't nod or makes any confirmation gesture, aware this will be more damaging that helpful. He has already dealt with similar situations, but it is always hard and he hates it. There is never a simple way to explain such things to anyone, let alone how they have to leave their lives and all they love behind to serve the Black Order against the Millennium Earl._

 _But he would rather explain things himself and as calmly as possible rather than contact the Order and let the men from the Central to take matters in their own hands and tear people away from their homes by force._

 _"_ As I said, to the devil with this. I don't care what is happening or who you are, I know my rights and my daughters' rights. I won't stand for this!"

 _It would have been nice if there is a real protection in this, but there isn't. And Yeegar knows it._

 _"_ Mr. and Mrs. Rouwen, I truly understand your feelings. You may think otherwise, but I do. But there is really… Nothing to be done. The Innocences chose them" _And nothing would change this. Not even death._

 _"_ And what this interests us!" _Hila almost screams, the grip on her daughters' shoulders increasing a little, more out of fright than anything else. She has no care for this whole story, considering the description of those akumas and what happened, there is no way she will ever send her daughters to a war, let alone one that involves such beings that shouldn't exist._

 _Josef would expulse Yeegar from his home at that moment, but it is Irene's intervention that stops the fight from growing._

 _"_ Can we… Can we discuss this later?"

"Irene!" _Hila exclaims almost as if reprimanding her daughter for saying something improper at the dinner table. Alison remains in silence, closed in herself._

 _"_ We're tired, mom… Yeegar sensei… He can't go back to the hotel… Can we just, just go to sleep and talk about this in the morning? Please?" _None of the parents like this very much, but in this night they won't be able to deny anything the twins ask for. And what there is to be found in Alison and Irene's eyes is enough to calm their anger and fear. Although disliking it, Hila allows the man to stay for the night. Yeegar contents himself with sleeping in the couch, thanking for it. There was no lie, he knows what those parents are feeling, but can't do anything about it…_

 _Alison says nothing that night, the only thing her being is able to do is to desire washing herself until the smell of blood is no long impregnated in her skin, even if she didn't get dirt at the hotel._

 _But the air from there has followed her and her sister._

 _The days that follow are just a long tense line. Hila and Josef give the necessary space to their daughters and understand the gravity of the situation while discussing with Yeegar in particular. Though the instructions of the Order are clear in those matters (they must inform at once when they find new accommodators), the General prefers to deal with it by himself than to leave it to the Central and doesn't pressure the twins or their parents, merely making sure they understand the case and can better accept it._

 _On her turn, Irene is tore apart. She is not a child and comprehends what all of this means and how they can't just pretend that nothing has happened when the Innocences have already made a connection with them… Nor is she selfish enough to ignore the fact she can help people, somehow. At times, she holds her sword and observes it, thinking about it._

 _Alison can't bear to even look at the bow that is hidden in their room. Even when Irene attempts to talk about it, she just refuses to cooperate, not wanting to hear a word of it._

 _In three days, there is no advance in the matter._

 _Until the fourth day._

 _It has been stupidity to ignore how the akumas destroyed by Yeegar can't be the only ones or that others wouldn't be sent after him and the new accommodators. When Josef receives a young man who uses to buy in his shop, he doesn't see anything wrong._

 _Not until the human arm becomes a blade, piercing his body and leaving him in the ground as his organs collapse. A useless doll bleeding while his flesh grows darker. Still, Josef cries out._

 _"_ RUN!" _The sound dies in the middle of the word as his face freezes, mouth open, eyes taken by pain. Then, the body becomes a black mass, shattering at the sound of the akuma's laugh._

 _Yeegar assumes a fighting pose as Hila and the girls run upstairs. A rain of glass falls over Irene when another akuma enters through the window, attacking her. Hila picks a vase and throws against the creature whose arms are several blades and throws herself against it to push it away from her daughter._

 _The akuma grabs Hila with boneless arms, wrapping her. Hila screams. The snakes covered by thorns press the flesh, press the bones…_

 _Alison cries out, but there is nothing to be done, no way of attacking and the shock immobilizes her and her sister…_

 _Hila looks at her children, blood escaping from her mouth._

 _With shivering lips, she still tries to force a smile despite how her organs and bones are too close together and she can't breathe._

 _"_ Go… I love you…"

 _The smile wakes them up. Makes them to turn around, just thinking that the Innocences are the only way of fighting, of_ doing something.

 _Behind them, the sound of bones cracking follows. They hear the blood gushing out of their mother's body._

 _It was louder than her scream._

 _The three manages to escape the house, Yeegar destroying the third akuma that corners Irene and Alison in their room. Both try to fight, but the weapons have strength far greater than what humans can bear in that state and they barely could defend themselves._

 _After this day, they decide to go with Yeegar. Not moved by revenge and neither by pain, which isolates them from everything around… It is just a notion of not having anything anymore. What matters if they remain in the city or not? Somehow, the akumas have not only killed their parents, but their lives… The city is no longer home, even if there are people who would take them in._

 _In the end, it doesn't make much of a difference anymore for them._

 _So, the great change that happens in their lives upon entering the Black Order doesn't touch them so much at first, closed as they are in a particular cocoon of pain in which they only allow entrance of each other._

 _Being the one who found them, Yeegar becomes their General._

 _The trip to the Order is long and spent between stages that are only made of sleeping, eating and remaining awake, without being a part of the world that surrounds them and the memory of those days is often taken by mist and blurred._

 _They reach the Headquarters at least, Yeegar at their side all the time. Alison still can remember of the inspection by Hevlaska and the first night spent in the black building. What she remembers the most is how nothing of this seemed to matter, nothing fazed or interested her or her sister…_

 _They don't stay there for long, for Yeegar decides to take them along in his travels, taking time to train and teach them. It is more than preparation for battles, more than training for when they need to go in missions by themselves as he still teaches them about the same things he did back when he first met them, trying to make use of subjects that may call upon their attention and teaching also about the world they're trying to save and protect._

 _It is with calm patience that Yeegar opens his way to them again, between the memories of what happened and the pain, taking time to hold their hands and bring them back to the present and to life. It is clear how he enjoys still being their "teacher" and also now a sort of guardian, so he gives them what they need the most: Time and space so they can work their feelings on what happened, what they saw and giving them the chance to get used to their way of life._

 _With the days evolving in a chain and forming months, the wounds get covered slowly and they get used to things, entering the curious "routine" of the Order (if it can be called such). They don't tend to go for the Headquarters much, staying more in the America section and is there they start to develop a sensation that comes close to "home"._

 _Their bodies get used with the movements and attacks, gaining agility and sharpening reflexes. And through learning to fight, they also learn to feel their connections with the sword and the bow. In moments they fight or train together, they complete each other as always, in a way that couldn't have been more coordinated if they had combined it beforehand, more than steps of a choreographed dance._

 _As such, with delicate steps of fawns, they find a space and nestle themselves there in the scheme of the Order, making contact with others such as Siriel Volkaren, also from Yeegar's unit and who has joined the Order before them._

 _He is a boy of soft manners and inscrutable smile who frequently talks with them until reaching the point of becoming a friend. When they start to have their own missions without their General, they often go together and Siriel likes to have more people in his unit, which soon becomes a team._

 _He is not the only one who they meet and get along with. Being a cheerful person who often knows how to make those around her laugh, Tina Spark from Klaud Nine's unit also becomes a friend to the twins._

 _Perhaps what happens is due because it is good to feel you_ belong _somewhere still, to have something guiding your life (be a purpose or mission)… Perhaps it is just because she feels she is doing something that matters, but Alison finds herself thinking about the Order as a home. Even after having particular missions, she and Irene keep contact with their General and enjoy when their missions are with him._

 _And with the soft routine and comfort of returning, the firmness of the Order among a world that is a black sea where fishes hide in the depths, unseen for others, offers a refuge in which there can be safety. And it is in this safety Alison nestles herself, not realizing the strings that slither into her veins and get hold, tearing them out of the body to form a marionette. She sleeps in her role of Exorcist and remains as such._

 _Things can carry on like this._

 _They could have carried on like this._

 _Until Irene starts to behave strangely._

 _Another person wouldn't have taken notice and even Alison can't see it at first, judging it to be caused by something related to their missions or anything of this nature. Time has no meaning anymore, only the moon rising and hiding in a slow dance with the sun. Even the passage of the months becomes relative after certain point._

 _But there are changes._

 _Irene slowly becomes more introspective than what is natural of her, thought years of fighting and missions have made a fence in her free manners and her smiles are not as often nowadays. Some of her free hours are no longer spent with Siriel, Tina or Alison and for the first time since they arrived, there is a day when she misses her training._

 _Small details. Almost nothing._

 _But they mean a lot more._

 _Until Irene calls Alison one night, needing to talk. In the North America headquarters, there are also rooms for Exorcists that pass by there between missions and both have their places as the others, but it is not there where they meet. Irene prefers the gardens._

 _Under a weak waning moon, Irene takes a seat in one of the banks between white roses that are like fallen stars._

 _"_ Irene… Is everything alright?" _Alison asks, suddenly whispering for a reason she doesn't understand, not wanting to disturb the night. The sister gazes at her, a strange expression in her face._

 _"_ Aliss…" _She mutters, unsure of how to proceed. Alison sits at her side in silence. Irene sighs. "_ Do you… Do you think we are in a right place?"

 _Alison blinks, not grasping what lies behind those words. Nothing that her sister had to say has ever surprised her in such a way, words were almost useless between them, who could understand each other with a mere gaze. It has been years since they joined the Order and now, with a mere question, Irene seems to want to agitate everything that has happened since then._

 _"_ Well… We're exorcists. We're doing something right, here…" _Those aren't terms that have strength on their own in the middle of the night, but Alison just doesn't know what her sister means. She could have asked if they are truly humans or what the moonlight was actually made of._

 _"_ I don't say about what we're doing!" _The other replies with near harshness. "_ I'm talking about the Order in itself"

 _Alison frowns._

 _"_ We're fighting to save humanity, we're fighting to save humanity, that's all we heard for months when we arrived and we ended up repeating it to ourselves, as if that's just what we need to know…" _Irene carries on, her eyes abandoning the moon and turning to her sister as if searching for something. "_ That I don't question, fine, but… But what are we _truly_ doing?"

 _It is a question that suddenly has no answer. Missions, extermination of akumas, this all sounds too weak to work as an answer. Those are steps of the way, however…._

 _Alison starts to have a notion of what is being said, but drowns it in her mind without realizing it._

 _"_ We only go to missions, get the Innocence, destroy akumas. It can't be only that, a war is not just that. There is something… Wrong" _Having been in missions and lost their share of blood and flesh, and almost their lives, the terms "only that" are not fitting for the subject. Irene is referring to something bigger. "_ And the Order knows that"

 _Yes, it makes some sense… They can exterminate akumas, but so what? More would come. They could find Innocences, but so what? The production of akumas, the cycle of death and pain being used for the birth of weapons and fights would continue. So… What were they doing in the end?_

 _"_ Irene…"

"The Order knows it and…" _Her hand holds her sister's, digging nails in the flesh. "_ Aliss… Until where do you think they will go to win? Is salvation of humans worthy anything, even the loss of humanity? Can all limits just be ignored?"

 _"_ What are you talking about?"

 _Irene takes a deep breath. There are no easy ways of saying this._

 _"_ Aliss. We can't stay here anymore"

 _Alison blinks, almost unable to believe what she has just heard. It is the first time Irene says anything close to this nature and it has been more than two years since their arrival in the Order. Nothing tonight seems to make any sense and suddenly, Alison wants to get free from her sister's touch and walk away, something she had never felt in her life._

 _"_ What are you…"

" _Listen to me!" The other hisses. "_ They… Aliss, I mean it, those people are insane. We never questioned anything before, so we never noticed, but… This whole deal of family, of teams, it is among us. In truth, we're nothing truly. Please, Alison, we _can't carry on like this…"_

 _It is a surprise, it makes no sense to hear such things after years and Alison turns her gaze away. The sister is basically telling her they must leave… But where to? Where would they go? And how could they ever leave the Order, the only home they have known since their parents' death?_

 _There is something almost horrible in hearing such words. But it is Irene, her sister, her twin. They have always been a complement of each other and Alison is unable to ignore what the other tries to say, almost as if afraid of using absolute terms, as if aware her words will break something that has become a definite condition of life, suffocating all other possibilities._

 _And still, it is necessary to do so._

 _"_ We can't go on. It's… It's no use" _Irene continues with the delicate way of who hurts to save. "_ I made some snooping around. We're the low cast. You wouldn't think so, but we are. We're paws in the chess game. Try asking the big guys, try to find out when this all actually started, how we can actually win if we're stuck in a spiral and see what answer you get. None"

 _Alison can't stand up, as much as she wants to. And then she knows that what is in her sister's eyes is something close to dismay, a worthless and defeated despair. Irene wanted to leave, she needed to, but wouldn't. Not without her sister._

 _"_ Our _Innocences_ are useful. _We_ are not"

"Irene, please… No… It isn't like that"

"Tell yourself that" _Is the reply with the first smile of the night, that is just sad. Her shoulders remain down, eyes of an old person now. "_ Aliss… Please… I am you, you are me, remember? I can't do this by myself, I can't go alone…"

 _Alison asks some time, just a couple of days so she can think about what Irene has told her this night and perhaps think about a plan as well, some idea of what they would do afterwards. Irene doesn't like it, but accepts and leaves her sister be. Alison, in her turn, rarely can actually think about it and sometimes wonders (almost with a hope that she hides from herself) if this isn't just some phase that will fade in some days. Even when the idea of leaving the Order becomes slowly more real, it doesn't provoke actions, even when Irene confides in her about experiments that try to_ force _people who are not compatible to connect with Innocences, as well as whispers and secrets hidden in the Archives._

 _Even so, Alison backs away and throws herself in her missions, being grateful for them, for the distraction they provide, like a dog that is kicked and then licks the hand of the owner when offered a rotten snack._

 _Upon returning from a mission, her awakening happens. The air is heavy with bad news and it informs her nerves before words do so, before her mind processes what she suddenly knows in her soul that feels like it's missing an essential piece. And she doesn't want to listen, doesn't want to know, doesn't want to confirm what she feels inside as she fights against the knowledge that will shatter her._

 _There is no shield against it._

 _There is no way of not knowing, not feeling._

 _The words of Renny Epstain, superior in the Headquarters of North America, are almost not heard in a physical way._

 _Irene is dead._

 _They haven't been able to recover her corpse, only the sword, covered now by rust of death, no signal of its usual shine._

 _Irene is dead._

 _Alison stands still in the room, words of comfort sounding distant as she doesn't dare to touch the sword wrapped in a white sheet and hating the hands holding it because it is not right and she would have killed that Finder for touching what is left of her sister if it wasn't for how her body doesn't bow anymore to the mental command._

 _More soft words, fake in their sounds. The only reality resumes to the sword in a rust cocoon, a thick scab of a corpse. She wants to hold it, but it's not allowed. The Innocence is to return to Hevlaska, until another person can be its accommodator._

 _The idea of another person joining with Irene's Innocence is ridiculous and hateful._

 _Alison wants to scream, to react. She is unable to and hates herself for it, going back to her room in silence. It is then that she gives herself to the despair, the insanity biting her thoughts, intoxicating her to a drunk-like state and isolating her of anything that may offer salvation._

 _Irene is dead._

 _Poets would describe a radical change, soul rebelling inside the body. What happens is not like that. It is just the inevitable and perhaps the awareness of what has already been put in motion somewhere in the past. It is just the critical point being reached._

 _A wild fire that has long been asleep in her blood awakens day by day and leads her to, in the middle of the night, to invade the room of mission's reports, past caring for consequences. She has always been subservient, accepting the norms of the Order and not once testing limits. Now she does so, moved by dead echoes of Irene telling her about how she wanted, needed to leave the Order and what they actually were in the eyes of the Central._

 _What they would do, then, with a dog that starts to remember how it has the blood of a wolf?_

 _It isn't information hard to find. And the deduction to be made from specific terms is as simple as the sunrise._

 _Japan has become a nest of akumas. An area covered by the lie of humanity, having worms of insanity and death underneath. There is no possible survival, not even chance of return. There have been rumors, but they had no idea the situation was this bad… And the Innocence has been brought back despite all odds because it is indeed all that truly matters…_

 _What they would do with a dog that no longer obeys its Master?_

 _Simple. The Innocence is important. The pawn that doesn't obey the chess player, is trash._

 _Having realized Irene was questioning what she shouldn't, wondering about the value of the Order and how they conducted things and how far they would go if it meant winning, they had feared she would run off to the Noah's side or run off with the Innocence. Or perhaps they were just furious enough with her…_

 _Irene had said they were insane, after all… Insane from fear, from the need to win…_

 _In a way or another, Irene has been send to her death by purpose._

 _No one escapes the Order._

 _And Alison knows… Nothing of this would have happened, had she trusted and followed Irene, if she had cared to understand her words._

 _Irene is dead._

 _And it is her fault._

 _Cold is all she feels in the following days and a self hate that will follow her to her grave. She grieves, cries and isolates herself as it is expected. In this isolation of everything related to life (or the chain of routine that has grown around her, imitating life), part of her minds finds a cold functioning and objectivity in which nothing more has value, except leaving._

 _She can't bear stay here. She may end up killing someone if she does. To stay is to betray Irene._

 _Alison doesn't analyze her actions beyond what's necessary._

 _For a couple of months, she plays her part with care to not awaken suspicions to the Central and she becomes aware of how they watch her closely for any signal of the same "errors" of her sister._

 _The chance of escape comes by chance. Alison has already made particular preparations and only needs this small chance such as this, a battle in which she can fool the golem and leave evidence of her death._

 _So she allows herself to be hurt by the akuma and prolongs her fight as much as she can until she can destroy the golem in a way that makes it seem it is the shock of attacks that does so. Her body is wrapped in pain and the coat drinks the blood of her wounds._

 _Nothing of this is cause of care to her and she leaves the ripped coat there, not even approaching the remains of the golem. The purse the Exorcists (and the term gives birth to a bitter taste in her mouth, filling her with disgust) is left behind, but she has hidden some things inside that she picks up and exchange herself in the middle of akuma's oil and her own blood, putting a new wallet she has made in secret in her pocket._

 _In no moment she thinks about leaving her bow behind. Not because the Order will see through it that she is alive as because it is_ hers. _And she has to admit… She no longer knows what to do with her existence. Whatever dream of the past is forever out of reach, whatever she may have been is shattered and all that remains in the Innocence._

 _She can't just turn her back to this war._

 _But now, she will fight in her own way._

 _"_ Alison…" _A voice calls her, deep and constant in tone. No need to turn back to know it is Yeegar and she briefly wonders if he has been sent to watch her from afar or if it is just coincidence or if he has done so by his own choice. Well, the answer doesn't even matter, anyway. She may pick any of those options and the result is the same._

 _"_ Are you going to stop me?" _She asks serenely, but her voice seems to no longer know warmth or light. The teacher and master is not a fool, knows what seeing her with different clothes and leaving everything else behind entitles._

 _Yeegar stays in silence. It is what he is supposed to do, no doubt, to make arguments and try to convince her._

 _And use force if this doesn't work._

 _"_ Do you know what will happen if they find out?"

"Do you know what will happen should I stay?"

 _Silence from both sides. Alison looks over her shoulder to him, all warmth lost from her expression. Yeegar, for the first time, looks his age. The white hair frame a face hurt by time and life. The girl can't find in herself to care… No one goes through life without scars of some kind and in the moment, Yeegar's are of no importance to her._

 _"_ I'm sorry…"

 _Alison turns completely to him, merely staring with a dreadful placidity, waiting for what he has to say for due to a mere notion of good manners… And yet, of everything he could have said, this manages to touch her and cause some surprise, even if it feels so distant from herself. The General walks to her with the caution of one approaching an animal, his eyes not once leaving hers._

 _"_ I'm really so, so sorry, Alison…"

 _And without giving the woman time to respond, he involves her. A cold shiver that holds more emotions than the body can process runs through her nerves and his hug is the first thing that actually touches her heart in a time that feels too long. She finds no strength to attempt freeing herself._

 _Something in this hug allows her to renovate her contact with the real world, with things beyond the depths of her interior and her guilty._

 _No. Yeegar is not going to stop her._

 _"_ Once more, I didn't protect my beloved students…" _He mutters in her ear, though it is more to himself as he caresses the grey hair, as though handling a little child._

 _Allowing her eyes to close, Alison feels the warmth of the man that has become the closest of family to her and Irene since their parents' died and perhaps the only true family they found in the Order… At first, Alison has thought that the cold despise that has taken a piece of her being to itself would extent to Yeegar. And she finds that of her feelings for Yeegar, there is no despise._

 _She hugs him back, with some relief in the point where her soul is still screaming. Irene had loved him. She does too._

 _Both hold each other, sharing similar pain and knowledge. Both know those screams that never fade, that they must hear until their deaths and how during the nights, they will become a cacophony wrapping what is left of their sanities._

 _"_ You _did_ protect us. You did what you could" _It isn't a lie made to make him feel better. If Irene had had a chance of telling Yeegar about what was going on, Alison doesn't doubt that the General would have helped her far more than Alison._

 _Yeegar holds her tighter for a moment before letting her go and looking in her eyes. His hands shiver for a moment when he holds her shoulders and place a light kiss in her forehead._

 _"_ Stay alive" _He whispers as if sharing a secret. "_ Run, my little one…"

 _Alison does that._

 _And never sees him again._

 **XxX**

Alison opened her eyes. The memories of years often take just a couple of minutes to be replayed in the mind, like a record that someone heard so many times. Which meant the same events were replayed in her mind over and over in a small window of time…

The way she misses her sister remains, no mattering how much time passed. Same for the hate she felt for herself that day… Time, in those occasions, means nothing and she had learnt that. That wound, it would never heal…

If at least she had listened to Irene…

If at least she had thought about it, not hidden herself in the comfort created by the Order…

Then Irene would be alive.

Yes, she knew she had been harsh with Lenalee. But she had also been sincere in what she had told Lauren… The girl remind her far too much of herself in her days working for the Order.

Alison just didn't want Lenalee to cry someday for the same reasons.

 **XxX**

The pillows, or what was left of then, were hard to the skin. There was almost no difference between lying on them or in the floor, but Raz's body was taken by such exhaustion that she not even realized it.

Once out of the battlefield, the body relaxed with the relief of being still alive and it same relaxation allowed the tension of the situation to be freed completely and the nerves became more sensible to the memories (even if blurred) of attacks, screams and pain. It was like reviving the whole battle in the physical sensations.

After the Time Record of Miranda had been deactivated, the wounds of the fight had reached them. Johnny had at once started to patch them up, Miranda insisting she was in good shape enough to help and just stopping when Noise Marie had convinced her to rest. For some reason, though the woman didn't show many physical wounds and tried to appear fine, Raz had felt the strong impression that her organs were almost shattering inside her body.

Not that the state of the others was any better, including hers and Allen's. It wasn't because the Earl wanted them alive and they were "part of the family" that the Akuma or the other Noah weren't willing to use the necessary force. The memory of Tyki trying to hit her among a tornado of colors and sounds sent a cold shiver inside her spine and she turned to the side, eyes fixed upon the wall which paper had tore apart like the skin of some animal, exposing wooden bones and the emptiness between them.

After taking care of their wounds, some had gone to rest for a while or just try to put something in their stomachs, too tired to do more than that. Allen, Miranda and Elana had remained in the room with Lavi and Bookman. Both were still weak and seemed to be asleep… There were almost no visible wounds that could threat their lives, but all of them knew this meant nothing when it came to the Noah Clan and what they wanted. It wasn't hard to figure out, not with Wisely had told her and Allen.

It felt like ages ago…

The girl sighed to herself and lifted a hand to her eyes, thinking about the shadows that were hers to command. There was no real sensation of victory… She was relieved that they had been able to help Allen's friends and that they had all survived, but the weariness stopped any other sensation of being born and left open way to a sort of heaviness that was complex in its nature and didn't come from just one seed.

Her thoughts were conducted back to the white room of the Ark, the piano and the spider legs that had grabbed her nerves. The mental crack had been ignored then and she tried to bring it back with the care of who handles a rattlesnake.

" _It's not only that. I called Tyki_ Joyd. _Why did I do that?"_

But knowledge marked more in sensations and nerves than under the shape of a memory is harder to bring to the mind.

She made herself smaller, bending her knees to her chest as if she truly wanted to become smaller, hiding from whatever it was crawling inside her. It wasn't just the feeling of memories that had become clearer for a moment just to hide under her brain, it was also a cold that was born from the depths of her cells.

She couldn't feel at ease with those people who called themselves Exorcists. The long exposition to the Innocences of the rest of the group, added to the training with Allen, had helped her to place reins on the desire of blood that she had felt in the first days, but for some reason it felt worse when near those people (even if she could still control herself).

Raz remembered walking in the street with Samuel, watching them from afar as they talked to Allen and how that sight had hurt her eyes. It was _jealousy,_ nor was anything of such nature, it was more an isolation, perhaps not different of what a wild bird feels when seeing other birds from inside its new cage…

Besides… She wasn't even sure she liked those people.

But it wasn't the time to deepen herself in this particular river. It was another one she searched for in herself: The one whose waters had agitated upon seeing the white piano.

Still in the same position, she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate. The room that she knew she had seen before. No, wait, it wasn't the _same_ room, but had been build to be an exact replica. Allen had told her about the Ark, no Noah knew that room, not even the Earl himself.

" _And what about the room he found me?"_

No, no… Focus. She had to keep the focus.

So, if the room she knew wasn't in the Ark, where had she seen it? Had it been the same of her dream? She had dreamt about a piano and someone playing, so, it probably was…

The piano of Neah…

" _Neah D. Campbell"_

The white piano.

" _Mana D. Campbell…"_

The white room, so white that shadows had a blue hue…

Almost a sort of… of… God, what was the word that would work for what she felt? Sanctuary?

" _Mana D. Campbell… Mana Walker… Mana Walker…"_

Slowly, rocks that she blind threw in the river of her mind created waves.

" _Noah of Loneliness"_

Black river.

Black waves.

And Raz allowed herself to drown in them.

* * *

 **Ana** : **And, cliffhanger. But at least you guys got the rest of Alison's story, hope it was worth it.  
**

 **Kanda: After all this time, you still doesn't change.**

 **Alison: You still hope she ever does?**

 **Ana: Hey! What could I do? This chapter was long enough.**

 **Raz: So, am I finally remembering something? Actually remembering?**

 **Ana: Maybe, maybe not…**

 **Lavi: Excuse me, but am I going to stay asleep forever or what?**

 **Ana: Geez, calm down. You just got out of the Ark. I would be happy enough just with it.**

 **Lavi: Well, I am! But we're already down the road and my appearances have been few to nothing! My fans will forget about me! –** ** _whimpers-_**

 **Link: What about me? I just had one appearance until now!**

 **Apocryphos: And the same has happened to me. I would appreciate if I could just find Allen and help him.**

 **Allen: If you want to do is to "help me", I wouldn't like to see what you do if you hated me…**

 **Ana: Since they're going to start the debate of always, let's check the reviews!**

 ** _jy24:_** _Lenalee at the beginning actually showed promise, but I think over the time she became a weak character. I do understand the pain she is going through. At first, Alison wouldn't be so harsh, but when I saw it, she had already said all that…_

 _Lauren: Alison is the kind to use her words as knives…_

 _Alison: Whatever._

 _Ana: Yeah, I just hope she didn't come off as much of a jerk… She actually is able to be kind… At times._

 ** _SasuNaruHina:_** _I was a little scared people would want to bite Alison's head off, but people seem to have taken her little speech okay, so good._

 _Alison: Look, I said what needed to be said._

 _Lauren: I still think you went a little overboard._

 _Ana: Well, since the Innocence's energy and a Noah's energy are opposites (reason why the process is slow and they can't fight each other much, less they destroy Allen's body), first Allen would have to cast off his Innocence. But I wonder… If they merged, it wouldn't be Allen or Neah anymore, but a whole different person._

 _Allen: I wouldn't like to lose myself that way, thanks. I just hope I find a way to get rid of Neah._

 _Neah: Dream on._

 _Ana: I won't even ask them to quit the body-switching stuff. It's a lost cause_


	26. Act Twenty Six – Blood on The Flowers

" _Do you think if you caught Buffalo Bill yourself and if you made Catherine all right, you could make the lambs stop screaming, do you think they'd be alright too and you wouldn't wake up again in the dark and hear the lambs screaming?" –_ Thomas Harris, "The Silence of the Lambs"

 **Act Twenty Six – Blood on The Flowers**

 _Darkness._

 _It didn't matter where she tried to turn to, it was all that there was to be found._

 _Yet, she tried. Surely the darkness couldn't last forever, it couldn't stand itself forever without some foreign element as support. Even fire can't survive by itself alone._

"Mana Walker… Mana and Neah D. Campbell… The white piano… The ark"

 _In the darkness, thoughts could take a long time to come into form, concepts to connect with words and sometimes, after being born, the letters had no more meaning than the sound of the rain…_

 _And even that was hard to recall, to name, to know…_

 _The mind still worked, but always held by darkness…_

 _Darkness… Night…_

 _No, wrong. That was not the soft darkness of the night or simply the absence of light in a room… What surrounded her was the distilled essence of darkness, piercing her being and filling her up, until there was nothing else in her body, whether it was organs or blood._

 _Darkness devoured the sound…_

 _It pierced the eyes…_

 _Touch was torn apart…_

 _It stole any taste or remembrance of flavors…_

 _It filled and emptied._

 _Quite different from the darkness she invoked and reigned over, but at the same time there was a similarity, a sensation with barely any space to be born in that womb of silence._

"The white piano… The Ark… The Noah Clan" _A part of her mind (or whatever that still could work as such) grasped into this mantra. No reaction from the environment._

 _Insignificant. Terms with no meaning._

 _Nothing._

"Oh… So _that's_ it."

 _Yes. She could understand now, in the instinctive level a baby knows the difference between hunger and thirst. This was why she was the Noah of Loneliness. Because this was what this particular sort of darkness did: It entered the body, broke the soul and erased the senses. Until there was nothing left._

 _The world was forever separated from you. And you were forever separated from the world._

 _She knew this well._

 _There were no sounds, there were no smells, there was no sensation whatsoever…_

 _Darkness was loneliness._

 _Loneliness was darkness._

 _And it was there that she was._

 _Among it, having only her mind empting at each moment she fought to keep a thought as company, she floated, still trying to invoke something that could cause a reaction, be in her or in her surroundings._

 _Or were both the same?_

 _The white piano._

 _The golden eye behind a mask, tears falling…_

 _The Noah Clan…_

 _In the depths of all this, the girl felt something. Something that bit and torn up slowly. And she accepted those fangs in her being, allowed it to reach a deep spot of her flesh hidden even to herself until there was something touching it, feeling the flux of blood complicating in her interior when veins were ripped apart._

 _At least it broke a little the non-feeling of until now._

 _And then, in the darkness where one couldn't nor live nor die, a drop of light came into being._

 _It appeared shyly and blinked a little, afraid of being there. Small and weak, but it should shine as much as the first star that was ever born in the sky._

 _She couldn't move, but tried to approach it._

 _A drop of light._

 _A small white star…_

 _White, so white…_

 _A shape…_

 _Something small and delicate…_

 _It was a flower, of the most pure white…_

"As the fallen snow, don't you think?" _The man at her side asked with a cheerful tone while her grey fingers reached out and touched the closed petals, applying no pressure as if examining the contact more than the plant._

"Snowdrops are the first to bloom after winter" _Another male voice commented, so soft that it could come from a memory. Both her and young man nodded, even thought it was not the first time they saw those flowers, it was the first time they tried to plant it in the garden. The first man ran his hand through his dark hair, placing some strands back, holding a pen in his free hand. The paper sheet lying in front of him in the table was scarred by musical notes and some quickly-scribbled words._

"Do you think they will take root?" _The second man sitting in front of her asked, some doubt revealing in his voice (it did nothing to diminish the soft quality of the sound) as he looked to the flowers. She shrugged a little in response, indicating she didn't know, though there was no reason to think they wouldn't. Ignorant to gardening skills she was, but even if those flowers had been brought from a distant place, the gardens around the circular table already possessed a great variety of colors and shapes, so…_

 _Besides, it was one of those questions with no real substance for the young man's dark eyes had the look that meant his mind was far from here. He could be beyond the stars or looking deep into himself._

"I would like to see where they come from…" _He said speaking not in the sense of seeing the original garden or store, but the land where the flowers had first appeared. His body was turned sideways and his head leaned on his palm. The long hair was tied in a low ponytail, strands falling over his shoulders and the moonlight danced in his eyes when they went to the other two. His long finger touched one of the flowers. "_ Taken from their place of origin, they survive in a completely different soil…"

 _With his expression, it was as if he didn't realize he was talking at all. Still resting his head on his hand, he asked._

"Do you think it will come the day when we will think we have seen everything the world has to offer?"

 _Both, she and the other man knew this wasn't just about the flowers. They also knew where it would lead them and accepted the path to the ground of a topic that was as known and comfortable as talking about their favorite books. The man of short hair laughed to his brother in a friendly way, a spark in his eyes._

"Such a curious question, wouldn't you say so? Doesn't it also invoke how many things change with time?" _Neah commented turning the pen in his fingers with fast movements and looking from Mana to Raziah. "_ How many things have you liked before or considered fun now taste of displeasure? A certain disappointment when you remember all the effort to achieve it and the feeling of doing so, now lost?"

 _He leaned forwards, looking from one to another with half-closed eyes, elbows on the table, fingers intertwined before his mouth as he spoke in a (clearly) deliberately soft tone that could be taken as teasing._

"And all that is reduced to ashes in your mouths, values becoming empty. Isn't it frustrating when it happens? What else will end in the same way, unable to resist the test of time?"

 _Despite the gleam in his eye and his way of saying this, Raziah and Mana still exchanged looks, very aware of what Neah was saying. It wasn't in the sense of a toy or a necklace still kept due to the sentimental value that connects it to a special moment of the past or nostalgia despite being useless in the present. It was the exact opposite._

 _And it was also not about toys or necklaces._

"However… I doubt it" _He said after a pause, then relaxing in the chair and smiling once more as if all his words had been just for fun, despite the interest he also had in this sort of conversation. He winked, waving his hand in the air. "_ I think we will always find something that we have never seen before, even if it comes the day when we will be foolish enough to have a thought like that. And thank goodness, otherwise, eventually, the world would be dull. Predictable. Booo-ring"

 _The idea of this sort of boredom was clearly unpleasant to him, but it was hard to determine if the cause was disappointment that something/someone could reach this point or the death of mystery and value he had mentioned. And by the shine in his brother's eyes, the way they exchanged looks, it was an emotion shared._

 _They were twins and those moments of silent communication almost made the air crack._

"May we never think like this, then" _Mana replied with simplicity and a smile. While Neah's had more excitement, of someone with more energy than what the body could contain, Mana's was softer, of one who had seen stars coming into existence._

 _Mana crossed his hands behind his head. Despite not being identical twins, some gestures and mannerisms made up for it, so equal they were to both of them._

"Even the stars can be different if you're in the mountain or in the forest. How will you know the ocean, if you never follow the river to see where it goes? Why close your eyes if you can open them?"

 _Neah didn't even blink to this, rather nodding in a solemn way. Not dramatic, but one could see it had a light joking nature to it, just like when he had been teasing them._

"You definitely have a romantic soul, dear brother of mine"

 _The stare Mana gave him stated without words that Neah had no morals to make such a comment. Neah raised his hands in a signal of surrender as the three chuckled._

 _Then Mana turned to her, obviously waiting for her opinion. Raziah sustained his gaze and leaned her chin in the back of her hand, in a way that could be thoughtful or indicating the subject had become wearing. Mana leaned forwards in silent incentive, smiling as Neah also watched her with raised eyebrows. None of them would believe the second option, no more than she did when they pretended something of this sort._

"It is because things may lose their value that we try to preserve the ones that are important, perhaps… I think the things that resist the test of time are the ones that truly matter" _She commented in reply to Neah's words as her eyes wandered around the silent garden, the moonlight hiding between the flowers and playing with their colors. "_ We talk of exploring, but I don't believe you mean just the world. There are also the sensations and reactions you can have with new things and the unknown"

 _She still remained quiet for a couple of seconds before looking from one to another and shrugging one of her shoulders._

"And even if we could see the whole world, who says this is the same thing as knowing it?"

 _Mana blinked and backed his head a little as he nodded and Neah chuckled to himself, as if not expecting such an answer even if they had talked about it before many times, dissecting the other possible answers and options to questions of such nature._

"Oh, Raziah's showing a philosophical vein! Who would guess?"

 _She casted him a look almost of sarcasm, to which he still smiled without a care. Then the girl indicated Mana with a gesture of head._

"Well, it was Mana who asked…"

 _The long haired man smiled sheepishly with guilt._

"Well, secrets of the world aside, think how it would be to just travel. I mean just to catch a train and go forward!" _He went on, his eyes searching the stars once more. Raziah tilted her head to the side. Neah also blinked at his brother's words._

 _Mana's desire to travel was not a secret, but still…_

"Why not use the ark?" _Both asked in unison._

"Oh, please. Have some imagination the both of you! Arriving is good, of course, but the _fun_ lies in the journey!" _Mana lifted a finger, sounding as a teacher explaining details of an amusing subject. "_ The Ark is great when it comes to missions and when we can't afford losing time, but we're talking of traveling _just_ for traveling… And then, it would be boring. The fun would be lost, no excitement in arriving and…"

 _Neah and Raziah exchanged glances._

"Alright, alright, poet… We don't need a seminar here" _Neah interrupted with a playful punch in his brother's shoulder to silence him. Mana pretended a groan and a hurtful look. "_ But one day we'll do it. The three of us"

 _He stayed quiet for a second then scribbled something in the paper, just a scrawl that had no meaning to Raziah. Only Neah would, later, be able to decipher it. His eyes went to the girl, back to his brother and then he shrugged. Another of those gestures that emphasized the kinship between them._

 _He gave them a playful smile._

"I, of course" He added slyly. "Would _have_ to tag along. Otherwise, you two would probably get lost or worse and then what would happen?"

 _Mana opened his mouth and Raziah rolled her eyes._

"Neah, your trust in us runs so deep that it brings tears to my eyes"

"So you see what my brother truly thinks of us!" _Mana whispered to her before straightening his ponytail over one of the shoulders, a waterfall of pure black, sighing. "_ I would like to. Travel around the world, even if by foot"

 _The words made his brother look at him and backing his head a little, as if the shock had been physical and he waved his hand slowly in a sign of calming down._

"Woah, then I think you're taking your dream somewhat a little too far, traveler!"

"I just said that, if it's up to me, it would be fun even if we did all by walking, that's all" _It was hard to tell if he meant it in a figure of speech or literally._

"Go by the shadow and don't forget to write, wanderer" _Raziah replied, raising her hand with the elbow still in the table in a gesture of bored goodbye. Mana looked from one to another, crossing his arms._

"Didn't you both just say that we would go the three of us?"

"But not _by foot, Walker_!" _It was Neah's reply almost as if speaking to a little child. It was too much for them and the sound of chuckles broke the air along with a sensation of gentle peace that accompanies moments with friends… That was one of the moments that remain crystallized when recalled, as if somewhere, that single occurrence remains eternal, with them still sitting there under the moonlight, laughing softly as they weaved plans for a future…_

 _Neah laughed silently still, reading the paper once more and then shook his head to himself._

"Well… This is not working." _And crushed the sheet in his strong hands with a sigh. "_ The melody is good, but the lyrics…"

 _Mana turned to his brother._

"Perhaps we could…"

 _Something cut the air and Mana's words, attracting their attention. Somewhat far from the white table, following a path between the grass until a pale arch, there was a man standing._

"The Earl is calling"

"Dinner! Great!" _Neah let the paper fall in his coat's pocket as Mana stood with a feline-like movement. It often struck others that he was able to perform any gesture, as simple as it was, with a dancer-like grace if he desired._

"And it took only this to make him forget the music, you saw" _He winked to Raziah as Neah held his head high with the noble air of who will not lower himself to dignify such comment with an answer._

 _The man who had called, brown hair falling over golden eyes and between the strands, black cross-shaped scars across his forehead, had his arms crossed over his chest as if contemplating a lost case._

"You should pay attention the time" _There was here the same quality of a parent remembering the child of homework to be done and nothing to be found in his eyes but care._ "It's enough with Lustol, locked as always"

"Have you tried knocking?" _Mana suggested with innocence that was only pretended, as the other Noah scoffed at the idea._

"We're talking of Lustol. So no, thank you very much"

 _Raziah lifted her hand in a gesture of both dismiss and parting before taking the right side of the hallway, which was enough to be understood that she would try and the brown-haired Noah said something out loud that had the quality of thanks._

 _Feet moving quickly, she had no need to pay attention while crossing the white hallways with arch-like windows that showed the garden, before going into the building, passing by walls and doors, paying no attention to the eventual paintings or vases, going upstairs and crossing a hallway, until coming to a halt in front of an dark door._

 _Her knock was gentle. The whole Clan knew better than to bother the Noah of Lust, especially by entering that particular room without knocking, no matter what the situation was._

 _Seconds of silence passed by._

"Come in"

 _The girl opened the door ajar and spied inside. Here and there in a large room there were long tables, organized with jars and glasses and some equipments that, by the looks, were designed to mix substances and measurement of diverse elements. The Noah was working in the table opposite to the door, his back to Raziah that didn't need to come closer to know he was deeply concentrated in whatever he was doing._

 _With care, Raziah entered, closing the door behind and approached. Some jars in the tables around kept things of different appearances and textures, preserved safe from time's effects by the liquid they were immersed in. Many, by what one could see, had once belonged inside a living body._

 _On the left side, joined to the wall, there was a tall shelf with many books behind the closed glass doors. And she knew the small cupboard close to the wall extreme to the door, as well as the ones under the tables, had either more books or more ingredients and instruments, some the sort that humans wouldn't be able to fathom the existence or meaning._

"The Earl is calling. Dinner time" _She said, limiting herself to watch as the man counted some drops to a small pre-heated tube. Lustol didn't even look at her, his blue eyes not blinking, the sleek ponytail a snake against his back._

 _Raziah said nothing, aware that he had heard her well and was merely too concentrated to give an immediate reply. Besides, she had soon learnt that if she just kept quiet, Lustol would be more leaning to explain what he was doing than when questioned in excess._

 _On another hand, she was also quite aware that she almost never understood the nature of his experiments and Lustol's scientific terms._

 _The substance in the tube started to bubble a little and seemed that tiny fragments of dust came into being and sunk, accumulating little by little in the end of the recipient. It should have some meaning of sorts as the man make an annotation in his notebook before closing the tube and leaving it in a support with others, all having small labels._

"Evening, Nish _" He greeted her, the thin face opening in a controlled smile that still had remains of his usual seriousness and Raz replied with a nod. Lustol hung his white coat before they left his lab together._

"Have the others been called already?" _He asked firmly as he closed the door, waited for a second as if hesitating and locked it with a small silver key in a chain he placed around his neck then._

" _I think so" A quick look from him to the door. I was enough for Lustol to guess the question that had crossed her mind, perceptive being that he was._

"It is going well" _He told her, even if she didn't quite understand his experiments. "_ Some results present variations, based in different elements to test the reactions, but it doesn't represent any complication. Were you in the gardens?" _He asked with his deep voice that, had this been an intimate situation, would be taken easily as hypnotic. The girl nodded in response as they continued their way downstairs._

"With Mana and Neah"

 _Lustol nodded and commented something more when they arrived at a large room of which center was taken by a long table covered in a white sheet and lighted by silver candlesticks._

"Ah, Lustol! Raziah!" _The man sitting at the table's head, his rightful place, greeted them cheerfully with a glint in his glasses that reflected the light and usually hid his golden eyes, just like his mask hid his face._

"My apologizes for my lateness" _Lustol bowed and Raziah lowered her head in the same way, not in a show of submission, but mere respect and greeting. The gestures, as well as Lustol's apologies and his everlasting formality, were dismissed by a wave of the Earl's hand._

"Nonsense, nonsense. We all just got here"

 _Both took their usual places, Lustol at the side of a woman whose white hair fell over her shoulders in waves imitating silver with the light of the candles. She smiled at both of them._

 _Raziah sat between Mana and one of the empty chairs. Not everyone was present this night. The meal went on calmly with some conversation between them, until the end when they stood and the Earl called._

"Alyera, Raziah, a second if you please?"

 _Raziah approached at once, along with the white-haired Noah._

"I have a mission for you, girls." _He smiled at them as he picked a small paper from an inner pocket of his coat, offering it to them. Alyera held it and unfolded, she and Raziah reading the elegant writing of the patriarch._

"You know what to do" _No change in the gentleness of his tone, yet a trait of coldness was noticeable. Neither of the girls was at all bothered by such, they knew it wasn't directed at any of them. "_ I would go personally, but I promised to visit Katerina"

 _Raziah nodded with an "hm-hum" of acceptance._

"You can leave it to us, Earl!" _Alyera promised, her face opening in a bright smile._

"Thank you, dears. Come back as soon as you're done" _He winked. "_ And have fun"

 _Both took their leaving, saying goodbye to the patriarch and the others, not taking any of the three doors, but rather going to the other extreme of the room where the air was ripped apart in a rectangle of light that took them to the white streets of the Ark._

"I hope we manage to come back soon" _Alyera was saying as she studied the paper she held. Raziah tilted her head to her._

"Going out with Lustol?"

 _Even with the gray skin, it was possible to notice an intense blush coming to Alyera's face as she confirmed it, even though it wasn't a secret to anyone that she and Lustol were a couple. Still, the Noah of Judgment could still become shy when someone mentioned their relationship._

"You're lucky the twins are not here" _They would probably have said something when Alyera and Raziah were leaving or even during the dinner. Whatever comment they might have made, despite the teasing nature, would not have a malicious nature. It was their way of being affectionate, no different from small kittens provoking each other in play fight, one might say._

"Oh, they wouldn't dare to say a thing" _The reply was laced with dangerous sweetness both in the tone and eyes, which were golden magma. "_ Let's just say that Lustol had… A little talk with them"

 _This caused chuckles in both of them. This meant that somehow Lustol had stopped them from escaping and probably suggested using their "help" to test some of his formulas, merely to "compare" results. And they were lucky that Alyera was still far from losing her patience with their jokes._

"That would explain why they haven't said anything about it since last week" _Raziah frowned, considering how they had liked to tease the couple. "_ And also perhaps why Lustol locked the lab"

 _There was no true_ need _of doing so, not only because it would take a fool to venture there but also because among them there was respect for each other's privacy… Even the Earl wouldn't just enter their rooms (or any other chamber that belonged_ exclusively _to one of them) when he merely wanted to._

"I don't think the twins would _dare_ to prank Lustol… At least not by messing with his ingredients and stuff" _Alyera hesitated before sighing as her hand ran through her wavy hair. "_ Or maybe they would… Honestly, I _can't_ ever tell what they are thinking!"

 _Raziah could only make a gesture of agreement, also meaning that it was no use asking_ her, _since she too would have no answers to offer regarding this particular question._

 _They stopped before a door of the Ark that waited to be connected to a location. It wasn't needed more than a second for a reaction to occur and the door opened in the same light of always, leading them to a great field. The grass was dark, the moonlight making only an ephemeral sheet over it._

 _A mansion stood in front of them._

 _They saved a moment to examine the construction, which would work well as inspiration for a sugary romance novel, the archetype that can easily be associated with the home of an elegant lord. It was pristine in the cleaning and the grass around, something made to be gazed at and to make a silent point. The light crossing the windows conferred the glass a liquid-like characteristic and the Noah girls could notice people should be either in the second floor or in the living room._

 _The steps reaching to the door were of a light gray, though they had been scrubbed almost until making them a forceful shade of white, or as close to it as it could be. Not paying any attention to it or any unnecessary details, Alyera knocked._

"Yes, may I ask…" _The man in the black suit that answered had a face marked by the passage of time and yet stood tall. Alyera didn't let him finish and pushed him aside with the exact limit between delicacy and abruptness._

"Excuse me" _She muttered without meaning it, followed by Raziah as they went to the hall, which had been clearly designed to hold parties, neither of them casting a glance to her surroundings. They were unimportant._

 _Some of the people sitting near the fireplace took no notice of them at once, but some turned, either feeling their approach as people sometimes do or any other way._

"What is that!" _The yell was from a man standing from a red chair, his tone denouncing that this reaction was more directed at the invasion than at noticing that the new arrivals had a gray skin and the golden eyes of an animal. Alyera had no care to show to him and merely sighed, turning to Raziah. The shy enamored woman was not in that room._

"I'll take care of upstairs, yes?" _Her face was a mask that kept at bay any emotion, only her voice working as a crack that allowed her spite to run free. Raziah nodded, as there wasn't much of a difference in the end._

"I demand that you leave immediately! You're trespassing a private property! Do you have idea of what…" _The man carried on as a muttering ran among the others. Alyera took a second to measure the man up and down before making a point of ignoring him even as he called out to the old butler (to get rid of them or to get the police or any other ridiculous thing) and made her way to the great stairs at the end of the hall._

 _A young man came with the obvious intention of grabbing her arm, but something made him fall. No one would have been able to notice the dark shadows slithering around his feet as rats, not with their attentions on the females that were not human, as much as they looked so._

 _Alyera didn't grace the boy with any acknowledgment._

"Who do you think you are? How _dare_ you to invade my home like this!" _Now it was a woman with a lilac dress that yelled with indignation, eyes going from Alyera to Raziah and despite having noticed their appearance, this was ignored in favor of the insult their uninvited presence was. "_ Leave immediately! If you want to steal something, you're making a grave mistake!"

 _A glance was enough to_ know _her: Head held high, eyes that had never shown anything real unless it was spite, a voice born for disdain. Around, fear was starting to create root in the mutterings that had started in anger and offense._

 _Raziah would have sighed. She had dared to have some hope, but this? This wouldn't be able to invoke even a vague interest._

"We are not here to steal anything" _The inhumanity of her voice reached for their nerves and suffocated other sounds. "_ We're here by orders of the Millennium Earl"

 _Some sort of comprehension perhaps touched some of the presents, but not all of them. The young man that had fallen was still in the floor, rubbing his head with an all-too-easy to read expression of surprise. Someone said something. Raziah didn't bother herself with interpreting the sound or tone, so irrelevant it was. Those humans were quickly irritating her in nerve levels._

 _Then, without a moment of preparation or warning, darkness dominated the place._

 _Her shadow gave birth to others that united themselves at once to those created by people and furniture. They spread through the walls, covering windows and blocking doors, creating solid veils._

 _Behind her the butler and some other person who had been approached (a maid, perhaps) screamed and tried to leave, the instinct for survival overpowering whatever other intention as their senses were quicker to react to it by what it was… And what was promised in that darkness._

 _More people tried to run to the main door or to find another way out, away from that grey creature, some running straight to the shadows and surprised to feel the resistant texture, a living stain of oil._

"If it's money, we can pay more than whoever sent you!" _The man of the red chair said quickly, holding his head high, even if his lip shivered. "_ We can give you whatever you want!"

 _She could have admired him for the attempt of keeping composure, before the unknown, if it wasn't for what lurked underneath. As if, scared as he was, he still felt safe in his money. Her boredom was merely pushed more to the line of annoyance._

 _The substance her darkness turned into ran over his flesh in exploration, invading his mouth. A waterfall of blood came with a gurgling sound when barbs pierced flesh and teeth._

 _The lilac-dressed woman screeched. Her hands went to cover her mouth as she stepped back, lost in growing hysteria. Some other voice screamed about waking up, still believing this to be a dream in spite of the smell of blood. The sound of people trying to hit the place the windows should be or the doors, even the walls, and everything was black, black and black…_

 _A man let a sound of rage and threw himself against Raziah…_

 _She turned in a single moment. A movement of cut of her arm that exhaled shadows. He backed off, but the shadows were already in him, pushing his flesh apart more and more. He had barely any breath for screams, trying to hit his wound, not to stop the blood that was freed, but to get rid of that black oil. Movements of a madman aflame._

 _Panic all around now, increased by the light of the fireplace. Shadows danced and played as demons, satisfied with the entertainment offered._

 _They couldn't run. The golden cage had become made of darkness, blood and bones._

 _Someone else attacked from behind._

 _Raziah turned._

 _Golden eyes crossed hazels before the fire-born shadows in the side of the face became pitch black, covering eyes, spreading to the body. The candlestick slipped through fingers, hitting the floor._

 _Flesh resisted the touch of darkness, but movement was easily held back until she wished for a twist. When shadows faded as mist, what they left in the floor did no longer had a human shape._

 _A girl screamed when looking at her and seeing the thing at her feet, something that was an obscene joke with the idea of a body meant to live. Her sounds were out of cadence with the other screams, in Raziah's ears. That voice was too used to laugher to know how to express fear properly._

 _It was a passing notion to Raziah. She hadn't much care for the impressions she had and allowed the girl to try running, tripping along the way, to where should be an arch leading to another room or hallway. But she cried and couldn't go forward nor find another way, afraid of the shadows, afraid of the dark._

"Please… Whatever you want, we pay…"

 _Oh, there was a man at her feet now, dragging himself to her, probably hurt in the stampede and fight for finding a way out. He grasped the end of her blouse's tail. White mustached shivered as he tried to speak as he rose to his knees, a line of saliva escaping his mouth as he tried to smile._

"I understand… I can pay anything" _His smile was all one needed to see to know sanity had been shattered. But what he just said made Raziah frown._

 _No._

 _He did not understand her, nor_ could _he._

 _He was too much of a man to understand a woman._

 _Too much of a human to understand a Noah._

 _She dismissed him a smile and crouched down, touching his face and covered his eyes gently, almost the touch of a lover…_

 _Blood gushed to her face and warmed her clothes when shadows jumped from her own blood to his flesh. Grey eyes found a tunnel to nest near the broken brain, teeth hit each other and shattered as the guns were tore apart to exhibit the naked nerves._

 _The corpse fell at her feel, a hole in place of the face, pieces of the cranium visible, arteries freeing blood and the flesh spreading in the floor. A line of white liquid denounced the spot where the eyes had been pierced and pushed._

 _People ran. People cried. A man grabbed the hair of a girl, clearly his sister and threw her behind with violence, then hitting the windows yelling, as if there was hope in someone passing by and becoming a saving grace. A woman stepped on the lilac-dressed one when trying to run somewhere. A girl hit others as she tried to open way…_

 _It was always like this…_

 _Among the black hell, Raziah still stood._

 _Blood and darkness danced. Bones sung. Flesh opened to reveal secrets and the resistance of the body was experimented._

 _She touched them._

 _Darkness touched them._

 _And then, at some point, there was silence of voices._

"Oh, Raziah!" _Alyera sighed. From the exposed hallway upstairs, she observed the whole hall. When she came to the stairs, shadows evaporated as if they had never existed._

"Look at this mess!" _The other Noah commented, without really caring as her eyes drank the vision around with pleasure. Humanity's ideas of hell, the nightmares born of the greatest fears were mere dreams when next to this single room… Walls were painted with blood and there were strange things stuck to them. At regular intervals, there was a drip-drip sound from the furniture or some mass of flesh…_

 _Lymphatic liquid and bile mixed to the blood._

 _Alyera pushed with her feet something that had hours ago been part of a human being as she walked to Raziah._

 _Many of the things around could not be considered human corpses at first glance with the mutilation suffered. Others were in such state that it was impossible to imagine that they had been alive at all someday. Nature simply wouldn't have allowed even the formation of something like that to go beyond from first weeks in some unfortunate womb._

 _And yet, there they were. Nerves exposed, bones twisted, all aspects of flesh toyed with._

"Quite boring" _It was the response. "_ I tried to have fun somehow"

"I can't criticize you…" _Alyera sighed shaking her head and hands on her hips, like a mother or sister. Then the face of the Noah of Judgment tore itself apart in a smile that shouldn't be possible in anything that resembled human form. "_ Not after what I did upstairs…"

Suddenly, light.

The naked walls, the hardness on her back whose nerves complained a bit, still holding the pain of battle and body was still marked by extensive use of strength.

Raz blinked, trying to push away for a moment the images of her eyes so she could think, expulse the screams of her ears, but now this memory had been rescued from her shattered interior, it was burned in her mind.

Lustol… Alyera…

The smell of blood…

The Earl…

The sensation as she mutilated those people…

Neah… Mana…

Her lungs hurt with the fast breathing and she shrunk, hugging her legs as if wishing her flesh to mix together until she was no more than an amount too small to have thoughts or sensations.

Broken images and sounds still tormented her senses. Mana and Neah's laugh, the gentleness in Alyera's eyes, Lustol busy with his chemistry experiments…

Nish…

Lustol had called her Nish, but… No, wait, that was right. Some of them forsake their human name upon accepting their positions in the Clan. Joyd was the name of the Noah of Pleasure just like Lustol was the name of the memory of the Noah of Lust… And he had always called her by the Noah name, Nish. Raz had never seen reason to protest it… Or at least that was the impression that remained.

Alyera, yes, she had asked to be still called by her human name…

Dead…

All of them… Dead…

Neah had killed them.

Neah had tried to kill her as well…

Her senses exploded in agony. Each nerve wanted to scream. Pain was not only in her heart, it went to the eyes, the mind, to any other point of her body that was able to _feel_ and pierced anything that it found…

" _Neah… Neah…"_ Her mind whimpered, as if it was the only thought that survived this moment. Why had he done it? Alyera… Lustol… That Noah of brown hair ( _what was his name? She couldn't remember!)…_

Instinct tried to keep other details in focus and to cradle in them. Even then she had been somewhat reserved, becoming more expressive of her own feelings when with Neah and Mana, or so it seemed… They were her _friends…._ Mana _always_ spoke of traveling and this was how they had started to call him Walker…

Most of the Noah enjoyed music… At least Lustol and Alyera did, this she knew _somehow…_ And Neah and Mana were exceptionally talented in this field, they had taught her… Though she couldn't remember any sort of classes, the knowledge survived in her somehow…

Some things remained in the mist… The faces of some of the other Noahs that had been at the dinner, what had been said… In the way to the dinner room, she couldn't remember at all if Lustol had said more to her than what she recalled, though this was the impression.

And the dinner… Mana and Neah always took their seats at the left of the Earl, whose position at the head of the table was not only due to being the leader of the Clan, but because it made it easier to observe the rest of the family, with the intention to know if they were all well served and comfortable.

Lustol smiling. Alyera blushing while speaking of her relationship. Neah and Mana laughing with her as they promised to travel together someday…

How had everything ended up like that? Why?

Tears came to her eyes and cut her face.

Their tasted mixed with the taste of the people she had killed.

The vision of those corpses danced. The screams came back to her mind along with the intense pleasure she had felt and that was beyond something she had ever imagined to be possible.

Raz made herself smaller in the dead womb of that room, hiding her face still more in her knees. Her being was shaken under the skin and a deep self loathing held her nerves. She was disgusted at that flesh, of the blood she carried, of everything that made her _be her…_

She would have left that body, abandoned the skin, preferring to drag herself in the floor with the nerves exposed if it was possible.

Slowly, connections of her legs weak to sustain her weight, Raz stood. She trembled for a moment as if she was about to fall, but the body managed to firm itself enough to walk and leave the grave of that room…

Her mind was still taken by visions of blood. It was her feet that led her, with the instinct of a child seeking the parents' arms.

But she had no parents.

When she seated weakly, it was when she realized that she had somehow gone to the chapel underneath the stairs. It was small and it could have been a basement until some soul living there had decided to use it as a room for particular prayers.

In the altar ahead there was a large cross, broken. The few banks around were twisted or showed cracks. The walls were dirty and even now lighter rectangles (though by no mean clean) were noticeable, denouncing how paintings had once been there.

She looked around, as if absorbing the details, just like she had when she had woken up in the woods, months ago, empty of everything…

If all her memories were like this… If she could only be filled with the pain of what she had lost and the blood of what she had done…

Her hands grabbed her shoulders and fingernails bit the flesh, as if longing to cut it. And perhaps it made sense. She had spilled blood… Perhaps she should spill her own blood in retribution.

" _Dirty blood. Murderess blood. It doesn't have any value to amend the innocent blood…"_

She looked at the broken cross, still shivering, still in pain. Still crying as if she could never stop.

The Noah Clan… Her Clan…

Dead…

And she had forgotten them…

The bodies in that mansion. The grotesque shapes. The sounds of pain.

And she had killed.

And she had _enjoyed it…_

She wanted to look at the cross, but found she was unable to. She felt obscene and disgusting. She had no right to be there, let alone praying, not with that act she carried inside.

She was a monster and a murderess and she would burn in Hell.

"What have I done?"

XxX

She had only wanted to isolate herself a little. Weariness pulsated in her body and in spite of what she had said, she had realized she would have liked to sit a little and rest.

But it wasn't easy to do so just in any room. Not because of any anxiety for comfort, but because there was too much to think about and business to solve with herself regarding the whole situation as well as what to do next. Now that Lavi and Bookman were safe, she could reflect more about everything she had heard about how Allen had had to leave the Order and what had transpired since then.

Miranda refused to just accept the situation and do nothing about it. She had no idea of how to help being in the Order, but certainly there should be a way.

So she had decided to go to the chapel. Praying always filled her with calmness and she believed she really should thank God that they had managed to save Lavi and Bookman considering the odds they had been against… Of course she could pray in some other room, but she wanted to isolate herself a little and perhaps the location helped, she didn't know. She had just felt the need and acted accordingly.

When she was at the door at the end of the small stairs was that she realized there was someone there already and, spying inside, she caught the black-bluish hair and white clothes.

And she knew it was the Noah girl.

* * *

 **Ana: And finally, Raz actually remembered _something!_  
**

 **Allen: You couldn't have made her remember something a little _happier,_ right?**

 **Ana: What? She is a Noah, you didn't think she had never killed innocent people?**

 **Allen: No, but...**

 **Ana: So there.**

 **Wisely: It could have been worse. Plus, they were just humans! Who cares?**

 **Allen: That doesn't help at all!**

 **Neah: Oh, I remember that night.**

 **Allen: And you stay out of this!**

 _ **SeventhStar23:** Because cliffhangers are fun? I mean, for the writer? Well, I... I updated it, so...  
_

 _Allen: You're going to end up losing your readers with this, you know?_

 _Ana: Nooo! Please, I'm sorry! But hey, it's not like this story can be all "butterflies and rainbows", right? And... I don't want to sound mean, but I'm actually happy that you reacted so much to Alison's story! Wow, more than Alma and Kanda's? That's a great compliment considering how heartbreaking that arc was!_

 _Allen: I'm shocked Kanda doesn't wear a shirt saying "The Order sucks"_

 _Kanda: Because I have a thing called dignity?_

 _Allen: It was a joke, Bakanda!_

 _Ana: There they go again... -sigh- And yes, a way to make Alison really angry is to call her Exorcist._

 _Sheryl: That bitch cut my face! When I get my hands on her..._

 _Alison: Excuse me? We were in the middle of a fight, did you forget?_

 _Sheryl: Not at all, but to a low, disgusting human to dare such a..._

 _Ana: Glad you thought she was a badass, I really enjoyed that scene. But you're right, she managed to make Sheryl really furious with her. I wouldn't like to be in her shoes, that man is scary as hell when he wants. And yup. You said it. It's not that she hates Lenalee, but she didn't say those things to hurt her. She was pissed off, sure, at how all of them acted when Allen was in the Order, but she wanted Lenalee to wake up._

 _Lauren: Meaning, Ali has a heart despite acting like a viper when she wants to._

 _Alison: HEY!_

 _Ana: I can't say what kind of ending I'll give them, sorry. But feel free to hug them!_

 _Lavi: I'm grateful I'm out of the Ark, but now I'm still in coma! It took her twenty chapters and more to finally get me out there and look at how much action I missed!_

 _Ana: Feel free to call me Wolf, everyone does!_

 _Miranda: We... We want to make up for it somehow..._

 _Ana: Alison already chewed Lenalee for the whole "forgiveness doesn't equal forgetfulness" or whatever, so I'll keep quiet._

 ** _TEAM SasuNaruHina:_** _It's an interesting theory and I admit I never thought like this. As for Crown Clown... It's a good question. I really want to explore the relationship between human and Innocence and they are sentient enough to understand people and to have feelings, so it would depend very much of how this happens._

 _Toraido: Even separated they are not our cup of tea, let alone having to deal with a merged version of both!_

 _Ana: Don't mind him, he is still pissed they managed to save Lavi. Anyway, don't worry about the long post, I found it an interesting theory of how things could happen. Hope you have liked this chapter._

 ** _jy24:_** _On the risk of sounding like a complete sadist, I enjoy to make my readers react like this. It means they care for the characters and that I'm writing a good story._

 _Alison: I don't know who is worse, she or the Noah._

 _Ana: Hey! And yes... That happened years ago, before the Massacre of the Exorcists (as I call) when only a few survived (Thanks Tyki, you jerk), so back then, they cared more about keeping control. With Irene making more questions than she should... A dog that no longer obeys is no longer useful._

 _Alison: I only wish I could have taken her Innocence with me..._

 _Ana: And now we have Raz and her not-so-happy memory._

 _Alison: Like I said, I don't know who is worse._


	27. Act Twenty-Seven – How Do Wars End?

"" _Come now, let us settle the matter", says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool" –_ Isaiah 1:18 _._

 **Act Twenty-Seven – How Do Wars End?**

It was rare to something of this sort to happen. No that they had never known defeat or disappointments (the case of the Ark being stolen was quite a good example), yet this went beyond what could ever be expected.

It was not the first time their foes had attempted to invade a place they were using as base either. Years ago, a group of the Order had invaded a mansion of theirs and though some had escaped with scraps of knowledge they shouldn't have, most of the Exorcists in question had been exterminated.

This had been before they had a new Ark.

"Let me see if I got it right…' Devit muttered between teeth in a tone that didn't allow no one to be sure if he was coldly mocking or at the limit of his self-control. "They just came, just fought and _just took the old geezer and the redheaded?"_

Tyki's mouth twisted with a bitter taste as under his skin, a tremble of anger ran through, not due to the words but by the events.

"I wouldn't say " _just"_ like that" Was the grumbled reply. None of them could say that they had been expecting such thing. They had never even considered that Walker (for it could be only him) would be able to discover a way to manipulate the Ark in order to form a connection between them.

" _The fucking thing is_ how _he went and did that without that shitty Order finding out""_ He thought to himself. It had been a wretched risk to the boy and until where they could say, he had done all this without awakening any suspicions in that place.

"There were some members of the Order at his side" Lulubell said, her head still held high and never breaking eye contact, was it with Devit or any of the others as she refused to reveal her feelings on the subject. The Earl, yes, he was able to see the absolute hate burning her inside along with the shame for failing at holding the group until the others could leave their present activities to help. He had been on a reunion himself, with some of the humans he manipulated in society and just hadn't been able to get away in time.

"Deserters?"

"It didn't appear to be the case" Sheryl replied. Though, like Lulubell, he kept his control, it was easier to take notice of his actual state through his eyes, the hate and despise for the Accommodators that had dared to step in their Ark. "Friends of Walker that are still on his side, or some nonsense of this nature…"

Such details were of no real matter for him. The fact remained that a bunch of Innocence Users had managed to get into what should be the absolute sanctuary of the Noah and took with them the only sources they had of some direct info.

In one of the sides of his face there was a white gauze, following the cut made by the Innocence's arrow of one of the Exiled. Just the memory of the wretched woman created a cold fire in his veins as he closed his fists.

The Earl frowned. Like the others, he hadn't expected the events to turn out like that. Of course, Walker would try something, they knew him well enough to know he would never limit himself to sit down doing nothing upon learning people (even more if he knew them) were under the power of his enemies… At the same time, that manipulation of their previous Ark had been a hit none had judged possible.

" _He truly is Mana's son"_ Even now he wondered how he hadn't made the connection _right away_ , how he had allowed it to slip by him that Allen's adoptive father had been Neah's brother… The thought still caused sensations he couldn't deal with at the moment and he pushed it away.

As if that wasn't enough, the redhaired and Bookman had still been with their Innocences. The old man had threatened to not say anything even if they killed his apprentice if they took they away and since none of them had strength to even lift a finger, they had let it be. Sometimes, a small gesture of false gentleness with prisoners could slowly give shape to an equally false link that could later work in their favor in their search for information… Bookman had even told some details, but not what the Noah truly wanted to know. And that game of psychological turns had ended abruptly and the result had been a complete loss.

For now.

"Fiidora…" The Earl called gently. A smile ripped the Noah's face apart as the tip of his tongue touched his lips and one of the small eyes in the flesh blinked.

"I think the worms we left inside the boy must be quite hungry by now, don't you?"

 **XxX**

Raz was cold.

This sensation came not from the environment, but from inside. The memory she had recovered joined the more recent ones, slowly going back until reaching that night when she had woken up in the woods. They mixed into a hurricane of sounds and images. Blood mixed with flowers, laughter with screams…

After Allen had told her about the Noah Clan, she _had_ notion that she could have killed people too, but it was one thing to have this idea and another, quite different, was to have such a vivid memory of the fact…

She didn't want any of the others to see her now.

What if they were able to notice the remembrance in her eyes and the way she had killed those people?

She felt dirty.

She was disgusting.

Raz recalled her first days, those days that felt like the beginning of life even if she _knew_ they were not… Back then, she knew only an intense emptiness of someone who is a fresh prisoner inside a corpse. Afterwards, when her organism had woken more to the world and started to work bit by bit, came the sensations that were still too weak to fill that void. Some lacked the strength to truly _be_ anything, mere seeds that hadn't grown enough so one could identify what sort of plant they were.

Confused, at times taken by frustration (so vague it was just a shadow) in relation to the things she was _aware_ she _should_ know and yet didn't, at times feeling small when the night came and her mind could not conjure dreams or nightmares and had just fragile thoughts that couldn't distract her… A feeling of longing that never ceased, a wound refusing to close, all the time and she didn't know the cause or what she missed.

She saw the world moving around and working while she just floated. All that was a chain around her and she was not a baby, but an older person with formed mind.

It was painful.

It was lonely.

And it would have been worse, if it wasn't for Allen.

Allen hadn't come with weapons, exposing his Innocence directly or trying to manipulate her with honeyed lies, as Raz later understood he _could_ have done. That some _would have done._ He had told her nothing but the truth and while it had taken him time to tell everything, she had immediately known it was because it was hard for him as well, not because he had tried to deceive her.

He hadn't come with weapons or lies, but sincerity and an extended hand… Even aware of what her species was able to.

Even after certain time, after seeing another Noah for the first time, something in her had recognized the ridiculousness of the scenario: Someone connected to Innocence extending a hand in what he had to a Noah?

But it hadn't been only him. Alison, Lauren, Samuel… They had been hurt in that war against her kind and yet, upon learning what she truly was, they had accepted it and not changed at all their treatment.

The wound in her remained, but it hurt less in their company.

Raz loved them.

If they knew what she had done… If they caught up the scent of blood in her…

Although they knew Noah killed humans, it was different. It was not the same when it became a tangible fact that she was no different than the rest of the Clan.

The line of thought reached the Exorcists.

Raz was unsure if she liked those people and had picked up that some seemed to be afraid of her.

Johnny had feared her at first, but Raz had placed a blade on Kanda's throat and made it clear how she would kill them should something happen to Allen, so it was a justifiable reaction of someone who had no Innocence to defend himself, nor any weapon of any sort. Kanda, following what Allen had told her, was a controlled person and never seemed to like anyone, so his cold reaction hadn't bothered her at all. Quite on contrary, after Allen convinced her there was no reason to distrust, Raz had been quite satisfied to see the man had just treated her like he treated anyone else.

To know he had killed a Noah, though… There were moments when it was hard to keep the control when near him, even if she hadn't ever met Skin Bolic. The knowledge crossed her mind and worked on her soul. Raz reacted by doing what she had done at first: Kept the control as she could to get used to his presence, ignoring when her instinct cried out.

Those others were not like that… She saw when they avoided looking at her and some spied her with the corner of the eyes as though she was a dangerous animal that Allen, in some miraculous way, had tamed.

Yet Allen still liked those people, so Raz wanted, if not like them, at least to not be hostile.

Upon learning more about that war, she had comprehended how much it meant that Allen had not killed her or taken her to the Order. Amnesiac she was, but not stupid and hearing about the Order had burnt an ancient hate in her and the justifications the boy had given for their behavior only worsened the flame.

Because it wasn't right. It was not right that his "family" treated him like that for something out of his control and it was not right that Allen should cry and be sad when he had no guilt.

Allen was good.

He was good because he didn't care whether she was Noah or not. He never treated her as a dangerous creature, but actually _talked_ to her, patiently explaining things and didn't get annoyed when she demonstrated to not understand something that, after explained, seemed so obvious.

Allen was good.

And she wanted to be good, too.

But how could she ever be good, when she carried such acts?

"Excuse me?" A low voice called to her, bringing her back with a shock to reality and Raz lifted her head. Near the old bank where she was seated, was that Exorcist woman, the one with brown hair who had tried to hide a shiver when seeing Raz for the first time.

Raz did not move, nor did she say anything. She didn't want anyone near her, let alone one of those people.

Miranda hesitated before the silence. Even with a mask that bore no emotions, the girl didn't seem to wish for company, yet Miranda couldn't ignore how she held her shoulders, the nails of blackness pressing the flesh as if longing to touch the blood.

"Are you alright?" It was a quite idiotic question and the woman was aware of it. The golden gaze of the Noah was animal-like and there was something there that warned clearly how she would bite should one come too close.

Miranda once more remembered her first contact with that sort of being and the nerves in her hands shivered. Road laughing… Her hands pierced by a sharp candle, her own blood the only warmth that there was while she watched the girl brush Lenalee's hair, the dread at seeing how she didn't react or even seemed to listen as Road treated her like a new toy…

Then Allen coming to his senses. His scream not loud enough to overcome the sound of a candle making its way through his eye, piercing it, playing with the intraocular fluid that mixed with blood…

Miranda remembered that as much as she remembered the resulting wound, the mash of flesh that one wouldn't be able to tell that had once been the place of an eye in a human face.

Those creatures had abilities that belonged to the realm of nightmares, they played with human's sanity and the sound of it shattering was their music. They studied deeply how to twist bodies while keeping the nerve connections alive to the point one could no longer knew anything but the taste of despair.

Miranda took a step closer.

Raz would have liked to tell her to leave, but her voice was lost deep in her body. So she made an abrupt gesture with her head indicating the door. The woman was no dumb, she should understand that.

Miranda did, but ignored it and observed the Noah's hands.

"Doesn't that hurt?" She asked and slowly lifted her own hands, touching the grey fingers so she would let go of her own flesh. The instinctive dread came to her upon the contact, of one holding a serpent. She took a deep breath.

"You're hurt already as it is…" She tried, hoping there was no shiver in her voice as she spoke the truth. Nor she nor Allen had come unharmed of the fight and all the presents knew the other Noahs had had more intentions of holding them there at the Ark than actually causing pain. Miranda chose to not think much about it, not now.

She didn't want to think about what could have happened to Allen, had the Noah Clan succeeded in this.

The Noah girl allowed her to take her hands off her own shoulders and let them on her lap as useless pieces of flesh. The nails had left deep marks.

For an instant, Miranda wanted to ask what was wrong, but didn't want to be intrusive. And though the closed behavior of the girl indicated she didn't want her there, Miranda didn't think it would be good to leave her alone. Once, when she was younger, she had accidentally overheard others commenting how they couldn't bear her slow rhythm, always making mistakes, always breaking things when she should have learned better by now. And she had stayed in a park, feeling only the hurt inside.

While she had wanted to alone then, somehow a part of her had also mourned how no one had approached her.

Perhaps the girl _truly_ preferred to be left to herself. Perhaps Miranda was being meddling. Yet, she leaned a little to the Noah.

"You're hurting, aren't you?"

She had no idea what had created those words in her voice, but it had effect: The Noah blinked and some of the sharpness abandoned her eyes for an instant, enough for Miranda to be able to see some surprise there. In what sense, she didn't know.

In silence, she sat at her side. Her heart twisted again… With a calm breath, the Exorcist tried to drown the images that threated to come to mind as she kept her eyes on the girl.

Raz turned her face away, unable to comprehend why that woman was at her side when she was so clearly afraid. She was one of those who had tried to not look at her, so what she was doing now? What did she want?

Both remained in silence for some seconds.

"You're hurting inside, aren't you?" The Exorcist's voice was so low that it could be the sound of butterfly wings. And it was just as soft.

Some more seconds in silence. And yet, those seconds were not empty.

"I… I remembered some things."

Raz almost bit her own tongue. What was she doing? What had made her say such a thing? The words had just escaped on their own before she realized it. And the cold born in her throat now spread to the rest of her body through her blood, threatening her control.

Miranda blinked. Wasn't that good? Since the girl didn't remember anything?

No.

She could see that. Whatever had been remembered, it was no good at all.

Perhaps it was the silence, so hungry for sounds it pulled them as blades could do with entrails. Perhaps it was because the woman didn't know her and she cared nothing for the judgement of a stranger. Perhaps the thing inside her was filling her so much that it overflowed…

Whatever the reason could be, more words escaped.

"I… I remembered people I killed"

Miranda blinked. It was weird to hear such a confession… As if the fact that she was allied to Allen meant, somehow, that she was different despite everything and the fear. As if suddenly, Miranda had not truly considered what the girl could have done in the past against others…

It was ridiculous, of course. As if to expect that Noahs didn't kill humans was like expecting a panther to feed on fruits. Ice came to her, for she didn't want to keep control exclusively due to what she had learnt in the Order to the point of blocking any other idea.

No one should feel that acts of cruelty were common, never.

So, she took a moment, unsure of what to say or do and deciding to keep silent.

"I killed people before…" The girl spoke in such a way that Miranda might not be there at all. "I _murdered…"_ She released something that could be a dry chuckle, if it didn't sound like a sob.

There was absence enough in her tone to Miranda's taste and she raised her hand hesitantly (more due to not knowing if the girl wouldn't be annoyed with the touch of a stranger than fear) and reached out to her back tentatively…

Under her touch, the Noah shivered and leaned forward, hands grabbing a spot above the elbows, eyes opaque.

"I murdered people…" She repeated to herself, shaking her head. Strands of dark hair fell over the side of her face, half hiding it and she let out another strange sound. "God, I killed, he just sent me there and I went…"

No need to ask who had told her to do so. It was weird to see a Noah shivering like that for this reason, considering the war they were on and what Miranda knew the Clan had already done. She could see this hadn't been a case of legitim defense.

The Noah girl was crying.

Silent tears rolled off her golden eyes, blood of a wound with no possible cure.

Raz's nails pressed her flesh more. She didn't deserve to be with Lauren or the others, not when she had felt such a pleasure in destroying people like that… People who clearly didn't even have Innocence, no chance to even try to defend themselves…

And how many more had she killed, without a care?

"That… Well…" What someone could say at a moment like that?

The girl made herself smaller, almost getting away from Miranda.

"But… You're not like that anymore" There was no way she could be pretending that reaction, those tears. Still confused, not sure of what she was doing and with the care of one dealing with a child, Miranda wrapped her arms around the other. And though her entire flesh tensed, Raz made no gesture to free herself.

"It _doesn't matter._ Would you say this, had it been someone you knew?" She muttered, tears still bleeding. And though there was no answer for this, though there was no denying Raz was a murderess, Miranda also couldn't ignore that the pain for what she had done was real.

" _It was_ awful. What you did" She agreed, nodding and adding in a voice that was calm despite all, surprising even herself. "But if you truly regret it…"

"What is the use of it? They're still _dead!"_ Raz's voice was equally low and she didn't look at Miranda, who nodded. Yes, those people would still be dead and nothing would ever change this. Nothing changed the blood the girl carried in her hands…

" _If thy brother repents, forgive him"_

"You came here to ask forgiveness?" The Exorcist asked not thinking about what she was saying. The girl tightening her grip on herself indicated she didn't see how this could make anything better…

" _Thou shalt not kill"_

Miranda didn't know how to explain it herself. So few things can be simplified in words already…

"Look… When you _plan_ something, and go through with it despite everything…"

"It was planned. And I _enjoyed_ it…" Her mutter had barely no actual voice.

Miranda nodded. Again, taking all in consideration, in that stage of blood in which they had to dance and that was that war, what one could expect? As much as she didn't want to generalize the girl basing herself in what she knew of the Noah Clan, at the same time, Miranda didn't think one could expect anything different in this case.

"But… Could you go back in time, would you change it?"

Raz still didn't look at her as she nodded.

"If you at least regret, _truly regret,_ what you did… At least you have a chance to earn forgiveness" It sounded strange to try to convince a murderer (let alone a Noah) about this, but Miranda truly believed in God's forgiveness. And she believed in second chances. Oh, it wasn't that it should be forgotten, should be ignored or go without punishment… Yet, if Raz was as sorry as she seemed to be…

"Then you can repent, starting now…" She tried, looking at the girl who remained there, as still as a doll until she half moved her face to her, enough that Miranda could see her gaze without any sign of hope, just listening without believing.

"Certain things don't deserve forgiveness. They _shouldn't_ be forgiven… By anyone"

Miranda understood that she wasn't just talking about being forgiven by Allen or the others, but also by God and sighed to herself, her heart going to that girl despite what she had done. Raz had asked her how it would be if she had killed someone Miranda knew…

"I have no answers for this. No one has" She insisted. "I just know that if you try to repent… There is _chance_ "

She didn't know if she would be able to forgive the murderer of someone who was precious to her. Her mind went back to Road… Would she be able to forgive her? Jesus had taught that we should forgive others and God forgive us.

Love your enemy and pray for him. It's easy to love one who love us…

" _We're humans. We're not perfect. All we can do is try…"_

For some seconds, Miranda still remained in silence merely holding the girl. Raz had told her she did not deserve forgiveness and clearly believed that, but the woman realized that she disagreed…

Slowly, the silence was broken by Miranda as she started to whisper, as a secret that should be kept between her and Raz.

 _Dear Lord, I'm on my knees again  
I come to you because you understand  
I've tried so hard, but I just can't change myself_

Raz lifted her head for a moment, clearly surprised. Of everything to be expected, gentle words and a hug were not on the list. However, as before, she didn't reject the touch and didn't tell Miranda to be quiet, but remained there, unmoving.

Miranda interpreted this as a positive sign. At that moment, she was moved by the very same sensation Allen had had that night, months ago. Even with the grey skin and black stigmas on her forehead, it was not a Noah who was before her. It was not a dangerous enemy whose objective was annihilation of humanity, who took delight in causing suffering.

It was just a girl.

Just a girl, lost and sorrowful.

 _That's why I know I need your help  
So here I am, this in my plea  
My only hope is your love for me  
I'm reaching out so desperately  
Come take my hand, take all of me  
Just as I am_

Miranda carried on in a low voice, thinking about that particular question while she held Raz.

Forgiveness was often spoke about. Regret as well. Using such terms, it sounded quite easy. And it was everything but.

And who could say if there was such thing as earning second chances?

Raz had killed and for her reaction, it had not been in a clean and painless way… But if she was now a different person, if she didn't want to hurt others anymore… Didn't that have some value?

Miranda recalled news about premeditated murders. She couldn't tell if it was any different from what had happened. And the victims' families would surely claim the girl's blood if they knew she was there and would call her a hypocrite if they ever saw her shedding tears.

And like the girl herself had pointed out… What was the use of regret, if it didn't bring the dead back to life?

 _Oh Lord, you make what's broken new  
Why can't I just learn to follow you  
I want, I want to know you to feel you in my soul  
I surrender all control_

Acts had more value than words, this was a fact. But what about the things Raz had done since waking up? Did they lose their value in behalf of the past?

Could the Noah ever be forgiven?

The news of how Kanda had killed Skin Bolic had been received with relief by the Order, having one less enemy to worry about and Miranda now noticed that many did not use the word "kill" or "murder", but rather said that Kanda had "won".

Yet perhaps the Noah had mourned and cried just like they had mourned and cried their own fallen friends, killed in battles.

" _Where does this lead us then?"_ Her eyes closed at the question. So were they all in a cycle of blood from which they could no longer escape, that was it? A cycle of hate, without chance of forgiveness? Of a morning when they could see dew in the flowers instead of blood?

She knew well the reactions the Order would have should she ever say those things out loud. At the same time, she thought about her own nights tormented by nightmares and memories of fear, so clear that her body seemed to revive them despite her attempts to sleep…

Would _she_ forgive those creatures?

Could she?

 _So here I am, this in my plea  
My only hope is your love for me  
I'm reaching out so desperately  
Come take my hand and take all of me _

" _If thy brother repents, forgive him"_

There was no denying what the Noah did. The question of akumas was the major point, a profanation that went beyond murdering and twisting bodies, displaying them as a cruel joke to reach what should be the peace of the afterlife.

One couldn't deny the consequences and the need of punishment. Of justice.

However… When justice goes beyond the necessary? How much punishment is the "just measure"? Justice was not about bringing loved ones back or cause the same suffering as the victim had felt. Justice was about justice.

" _Love each other as I have loved you"_

She had no answers to any of this.

And didn't think there was anyone in the world who truly knew. Like in regards of so many other things, all that they could do was just try to be good.

In the end, Miranda felt just as lost.

Could they be good people, if they were in a war?

 _Just I am not afraid to follow you where you lead me  
I can leave the past behind me  
I'm forgiven and I'm free _

Raz shivered at this last verse a little. Almost as a dry leaf that could break into dust at any moment. Miranda almost caressed her, but controlled herself. The girl seemed to have gone a little beyond her own limits accepting the hug and the older one knew better than to abuse, as she didn't want to make uncomfortable. Yet, she still tried to hold her a little closer.

Miranda could never tell her things would be alright, it would be nothing but a lie. Nor could she tell her to forget what she had done.

 _So here I am, this in my plea  
My only hope is your love for me  
I'm reaching out so desperately  
Come take my hand and take all of me  
Just as I am_

What was the way of ending wars, if there was one where no one needed to die? That was what Allen longed for, as impossible as it seemed to be. He still searched for a way such as this…

But Miranda wondered where forgiveness entered, the chance of a new beginning, better than the past. Perhaps she was allowing her feelings to take charge more than she should as a soldier…

But how do wars end?

 _Oh, your love for me  
I'm reaching out so desperately  
Come take my hand and take all of me  
Just as I am_

Slowly, silence came to be once more. Raz was as quiet as before, but her shivering had lessened a little and that mist had faded a bit.

The Exorcist still held the Noah for a little longer.

Miranda still held Raz.

She had never thought she would ever be in a position such as this ever since she had entered the Order and cared nothing for it. Somehow, she was able to see beyond that form and her own experience… And like she had told Reever, they were not mere puppets. Whether of the Order or the nature of the wars.

For some time, they remained there, Exorcist and Noah, still and together, one couldn't tell.

Until the door behind them burst open, making both jump and look, seeing Lauren panting, her lip trembling.

"That… That guy… Lavi…"

She shook her head, trying to force her voice to win over the lack of air. Her eyes went from Miranda to Raz, full of fear.

"He's not well… I think he is dying"

* * *

 **Song used: " _Just as I Am"_ by David Phelps. **

**Ana: Just because we like the Noah as characters, we can't deny: They are a bunch of murderous bastards.**

 **Tyki: We have our reasons to hate humanity, just so you know.**

 **Allen: Oh, don't even! No matter what happens, nothing ever gives you the right to kill anyone.**

 **Tyki: Boy, you really shouldn't speak of what you don't understand.**

 **Allen: Look, I can even get if you become like that due to being pushed to the limits, really, I do. But this still doesn't make what you do okay!**

 **Ana: Guys?**

 **Tyki: Oh, please. You should know already how your precious Order is not as holy as you think it is. So it's alright for your Exorcists to kill us?**

 **Allen: I didn't say that, but you don't just defend yourselves or attack us, you go after innocent people as well!**

 **Ana: Are you two even listening to me? Ugh, forget it, they will be at it for the next hours. Again, I wanted to touch this particular point here on the story… Of forgiveness and the acts of war... So guys, tell me what you think, I would like to know your point of view of this subject!**

 _ **Jy24:**_ _Hating herself is even a light way of putting it. She may regret it, but it doesn't change the fact that she did kill those people and probably many more._

 _Allen: As much as we know the Noah are not little innocent ones, I can't say I expected_ that…

 _Ana: Like I said, this is a rather delicate subject, that I wanted to present here. We may like the Noah as characters, but if we were in the shoes of the people who have to fight them, I don't think we would like them very much…_

 _Wisely: As if we would give a damn. And Raz shouldn't be bothered by that at all! I can't believe she was all sad just because she killed some humans, is that a joke?_

 _Ana: What a dear you are, Wisely... Well, I guess the whole of whether such acts can ever be forgiven or not will have to wait, since Lavi is not quite safe yet._

 _Lavi: You must hate me._

 _Ana: Me? Hey, the Earl is the one who decided to make the whole rescue pointless by offing you! Not me!_

 _Earl: I merely think some punishment for invading our home is in order, that's all._

 _Allen: Says the one who sent a level four akuma to destroy the Order while getting that damn Egg back!_

 _Ana: Here we go again…_


	28. Act Twenty Eight – White Embrace

" _We all live inside bodies that will deteriorate. But when you look at human beings, they're capable of very decent things: Love, loyalty. When time is running out, they don't care about possessions or status. They want to put things right if they've done wrong." – Kazuo Ishiguro._

 **Act Twenty Eight – White Embrace**

The three women entered the room without bothering to knock, equally breathing heavily after going upstairs in a run and approaching the bed where the redheaded lied, but keeping a safe distance to give him space to breathe.

"What happened?" Miranda asked, eyes running through the faces of the others, without truly fixating upon any of them. Allen shook his head with desperate dismay, fearing for their friend. Elana took Lavi's pulse, unable to give any useful response, except that he seemed to be having a sort of seizure, of which nature she had no idea.

"I don't know, he was fine a moment ago!"

Samuel and Marie came closer, each at one side of the bed to hold the boy when he started to convulse with such strength that it seemed the bed was moving along with hos body. Sweat drops were born one after the other in his forehead and slithered by the pale face, each seeming to shine with a fever of their own.

Miranda didn't want to know and readied herself to activate her Time Record, anxious to _do_ something, if she could at least rewind Lavi's time so they could think, understand what was happening...

"Hey, the Innocence!" Someone cried out. It could have been Marie, but it was not possible to discern it clearly in the moods that mixed in the air of the room like scents. The small hammer that had been hanging in his belt now shone with a greenish gleam that reflected around the room as if this had been drowning in darkness, though it wasn't even close to the sunset.

"Put that in his mouth!" Kanda snarled to Elana, who was closer when the hammer melted. The blonde looked at him for a moment, not comprehending the command. "Just _do it!_ "

Not discussing, she complied, making a shell with one of her hands. There was no need to pay attention to not spill a drop: The substance was homogeneous in nature, unable to divide itself.

Marie at once opened the redhead's mouth, taking care so he wouldn't bit his tongue as his convulsions worsened. For an instant, he feared they would see some foam forming, but the mouth was dry. Elana let the substance fall in his throat, massaging it so Lavi's body would swallow it.

"That's what happened when the Innocences evolved to Crystal" Lenalee muttered to herself, looking from Kanda to Lavi, also not able to explain what had made the Innocence to change shapes now or even what was going on with the unconscious boy.

"Those convulsions..." Allen looked to the other bed where Bookman still slept, with no signs of facing the same complications. He didn't need to say anything, this could only be work of the Noah.

His silver-like gaze went back to Lavi, who body still shivered, the skin growing a sick shade by the second.

" _Whatever it is... C'mon Lavi, be strong... We're waiting for you here_."

He didn't know what else they could do once they didn't even _know_ what was going on.

 **XxX**

 _The world long ago had lost its meaning. Concepts and terms escaping until everything simplified itself until the basic levels of instinct, almost the emotional and sensorial limitations of a fetus._

 _His world had became basically divided in two waves, the ones of silence and peace or of rays cutting his nerves and provoking the limits of pain, leaving him frequently in a threshold. Still present enough to feel the pulsation of pain and its remains biting his being, but not enough so his weakness would allow a sleep from which he would not wake up again._

 _After certain times alternating between a state and the other, even moments of peace became fearful, for there was no knowing when they would end and there was constantly the presage of pain, a shadow from which he could not get free._

 _The notion of his own body was already lost, the mind closing in an environment where there was only white. And the occasional red and black rays that pierced his brain. And the agony spread in such a way that it didn't divide into focal points such as a leg or arm, so there was no difference. And he remained in that place, caged in the depths of his mind and no longer caring about getting out.._

 _He had the lightest sensation that there was a time since he had been tormented by those rays, aware that he might be being fooled. Time in itself had no sense when there were only two states of existence to measure it._

 _Perhaps he had ceased. Perhaps he had died and not realized it. And if this was death, an eternal floating in a white without pain, then it wasn't so bad. He didn't allow to be too comfortable with the thought, fearing it would be perceived and the red and black would be back, cutting the white. The moments of unconsciousness were very welcome, as much as they pointed out he was not dead (unless you did sleep even after dying?) since he didn't worry about the rays when taken by sleep._

 _Other than this, he would rather not think. Even when he felt cold hands searching his memories, playing with images of the past as a child pulling out the wings of insects, he could only do just like the insect and shrunk himself, hoping it would end at some point. There were moments, terrible moments, when he would have rather doubted his own memories and even the existence of the world he barely remembered._

 _No, it was better to limit himself to keep floating in the whiteness._

 _He had had the sensation that there were sounds, that seemed to call for him, voices that were different from the previous. Those called him with gentleness and had a familiar quality to them. He knew what they were and yet, remained where he was. Not only because he wasn't sure he remembered how or even if he could... Thoughts through words did not exist anymore, just sensations in their pure state and often, he no longer bothered in trying to understand them._

 _Then, the pain was back._

 _It was more than the rays, more than everything he had ever known._

 _It filled everything around and inside him, bites of fire and ice, one after the other so fast, as if his nerve endings were guinea pigs of how many types of pain someone could feel in sequence with no time to discernment or healing. And he remained lost wuthiyt a voice to scream, lacerated from inside out..._

 _Then... Warmth._

 _Something had ran to that point when he had taken refuge inside himself and held him, held him somehow and isolated him from the pain. Not until it was forgotten, but in a way it became a sort of echo and that was enough to make him sigh in relief..._

 _It was the most curious sensation, having something holding him inside his own body..._

 _But was it his body? Yes, he was going back to feeling something more physical, even if it was still to distant to be truly his. And here, now, he just existed in a pure form, no division between mind and soul..._

 _It didn't matter, it didn't matter, he was away from the pain enough to not feel it entirely, so it was alright._

 _The sensation intensified. It was pleasant and warm, as the memory of the maternal embryo and he allowed himself to relax. The thing wrapped him in a cocoon of safety. He knew, somehow, that his body was being destroyed and he didn't care. If this was death, then all he asked for was that there was no pain and he just had to wait for a brief moment._

"Do you want to die? _" The question came softly. Something in him shivered. It wasn't something he had expected, nor it was easy ti understand. Not because there had been some sound since so long, but because the communication didn't rely merely on words whose meaning the brain could decipher. It was more direct, blood with blood, mind with mind._

 _Well, he supposed he did want to. He had felt enough pain already, he would rather sleep._

 _The sensation around echoed with sorrow and he felt himself cradled, almost in a way of asking forgiveness. That he didn't understand. Whatever was holding him had no blame. The Noah were the ones who had tortured him..._

 _Oh, yes, the Noah. He could remember them now..._

"Do you truly want to die?" _The thing was trying to hold back the pain (and perhaps what had caused it) and wouldn't be able to keep it for longer. Whatever it was the meaning that time had gained here._

 _He hesitated now that his thoughts were growing clearer. All he knew was that he didn't want anymore pain and that hadn't been quite the question. Suddenly, he recalled clearly of when he was a child..._

 _That day..._

 _That day had been similar and he had thought he wanted to die because he couldn't bear anymore of the pain that seemed to be his whole world. And yet, he had survived against all he had expected..._

 _Something had moved his life, after that day..._

 _No. No, he didn't want to die. If he could, once more, escape and carry on, then it was what he wanted to do. He didn't want to die yet, but..._

"What for?"

 _Yes, what for? The question had a gentle tone of curiosity, nothing with the negative ways of disdain. And it was comprehensible, he thought. After so long in that state where thoughts were no more than shards, wasn't it natural that he would rather die?_

 _No. It couldn't be. Otherwise, he wouldn't have survived that day so many years ago._

 _Wait, that was wrong just as well. His survival then had been by accident. Here there was a sort of choice and while a part of him still thought it would be better to just allow himself to cease, he still felt there was some... Some_ reason _worth waking up for. Even if he was to wake up in a world still divided by those states of peace and pain..._

 _There was something._

 _He wanted to live, there was something... If he could at leas_ t _focus_. _.._

 _Bookman._

 _He wanted to be a Bookman, to study and find out the hidden story of the world, find out why... Why..._

 _The sensation of curiosity of that thing surrounding him grew. He was hesitating... The thing held him gently, almost a spring-breeze. Somehow, it was alright. And he felt that, whatever that as, it loved him. He would have liked to give a hand and caress it back, transmit that he understood the feeling and reciprocate it..._

 _But he had no hands._

 _Yet, in some way, he felt the thing was smiling at him and around him. So at least those intentions also could be transmitted. And that was good._

 _He couldn't stay here. He had to wake up. Because he wanted to be a Bookman, because he wanted to understand, learn things no other person knew and he had to understand why back in that day, why..._

"If you call me by my first name again, I'll slice you up!"

"Lavi! Did you draw on my face again?"

"Don't worry, Lavi..."

 _No..._

 _No, it wasn't because of Bookman. That... That for a long time had been_ everything _in his life and as much as that still burned in him, there was_ _something more, another flame whose shape he could force into sounds and images._

 _Faces passed by him. Words exchanged. Memories._

 _He wanted to live._

 _Because he wanted to see his friends again. Because they had been there for him and he wanted to be there for them as well! They were in a war and while he could force his body to function, he wanted to see them, wanted to be with them!_

 _He wanted to live._

 _He wanted to live as Lavi._

 _The thing around him wrapped him closer and it had all freshness of the first breath of a baby. And it expanded with this same freshness, running through his nerves, his blood and body, burning what it found in the way and it was not a part of him._

 _And Lavi felt it. He felt each nerve of his being, each vein and artery carrying blood that was fresher than before, his heart renewing the beat. As if he was born again, his senses expanded and his body burned as if washed from inside out..._

 _He still held on to that feeling of being hugged inside, understanding that that perhaps Allen had understood first than any of them when he said he wanted to be a destroyer that saved..._

 _For the Innocence was not a weapon of hate, made to destroy akumas and hurt._

 _It was a weapon of peace, born to save souls and protect._

"Allen" _He managed to think before he felt the approaching of a kind sleep with no fear. "_ You were right, man"

Identical cuts opened in Lavi's arms, blood flourishing with fury, making Elana cry out and try to cover the sudden hemorrhage as she looked around for something to use as bandage.

"Leave it, Elana! It's alright" Allen went to her, holding her shoulder. "That's how it is"

The woman turned to Allen, apparently ready to protest, but then went quiet. Swallowing hard, she nodded taming her nervousness before something she had never witnessed before.

Blood escaped from Lavi as if rejected by the body and in ran in the sheets, making red flowers in its wake.

"Hey, look at that..." Krory muttered when he saw something in the blood. Among the spreading red, there were long things of a grayish color that fell in the floor or remained in the bed even when the blood slithered back to the young man's arms, entering the cuts and leaving just black scars in his skin.

"What is _that_?" He asked when examining one of those things closely, without touching it. One still seemed fresh and it moved as if alive. "It looks like some sort of worm..."

As the presents looked at each other, the creature twisted itself and stayed still, soon becoming no more than ashes.

 **XxX**

At the same time the Innocence in pure state ran through Lavi's blood, Fiidora let out a shriek of pain, his long tongue falling out his mouth and shivering as a snake. Some of the eyes had burst open, a white liquid mixing with saliva and ashes that fell of his mouth.

Maashima held the other Noah that coughed and had trouble breathing.

"What was that?" Sheryl asked in shock. In a moment, things had seemed alright, Fiidora had been concentrated and controlling the worms inside the redheaded brat to devour him from inside out. Like Tyki's teases, they accumulated in flesh and blood, proliferating and waiting for the moment to break the host apart.

Then Fiidora had cried out and now there were wounds in his mouth and he held his head as if in pain.

"Damn it... Curse him..." He swore with a shivering voice.

"What happened?" Maashima asked while helping Fiidora to stand straight, a spasm running through him as his face twisted in an expression of mixed hate and repulse.

"I don't know... Somehow that damn Innocence burned my worms!" And by extension, had reached him, burning him inside as well. Not enough to cause an extensive damage, but enough for him to not forget that pain very soon.

Devit and Jasdero made a face, both recalling when they had caught an infection due to the Innocence of the vampire Exorcist.

They didn't ask if he had managed to kill the brat. Fiidora's expression and his discontentment were clear signals. They could only hope there had been enough damage to cause an hemorrhage or some similar consequence.

 **XxX**

As much as he knew that entering in contact to give news wouldn't be possible so soon, it didn't mean there was no anxiety. On the contrary, it seemed to intensify itself precisely because of that.

Reever couldn't help it. He wasn't a fool and perhaps after all this time with his friends having to leave in missions from which they could not come back, perhaps he should be used to wait for news and know to control himself, telling himself to wait, sometimes the Exorcists were unable to get in contact, that didn't mean they were hurt...

Yes, the logic made sense.

And it was of no help whatsoever.

It wasn't just that the missions chosen were just an excuse that allowed them to try and rescue Lavi and the risk involved or meet Allen and the strange group Kanda had mentioned...

" _Not to mention a Noah"_ The idea still caused a shock and he didn't believe he would get used to it quite soon. It was almost as finding out the existence of a cold fire or a fish that lived out of the water. However, even without such factors, the point was that he just worried...

And he missed Miranda.

He knew, that as an Exorcist, she was strong and could take care of herself, despite what others might think, but logic arguments had no effect against the scenarios his mind could come up with.

He tried to keep his self control, not let anyone else realize what was happening in him at the same time when, at times, his thoughts wandered to her, imagining how she was or remembering the times they had talked...

" _What is going on with me?"_

 **XxX**

The bed received her with the usual comfort and molded against her body, creating the pleasant feeling that only our own beds have. With a sigh of relaxation, Klaud turned her body around, nestling herself in the sheets.

As her muscles started to rest and Lau lied at the side of her head, wrapping his tail around his small body, Klaud's thoughts were allowed to fly with more freedom.

Upon coming back from an investigation about Innocence (false lead, in the end, it was just a rare phenomena, but not unexplained), she had found out that her unit had left in another mission. Just like Kanda Yuu's unit.

No one would have seen anything abnormal about it, considering the frequency they had to leave in missions anyway.

" _Like hell"_ She reflected, a small smile adorning her face as her fingers caressed Lau, who made a low sound of pleasure. " _Kanda is not the type to just go and do things without a reason. And all the Exorcists in question are Walker's friends... Well, maybe Marie doesn't know him as well as the others, but he knows him enough. And he is Kanda's friend"_

The General wondered what they were up to. Perhaps she was mistaken and it was just normal missions, but her instinct refused the idea and the woman had long ago learned that sometimes you should trust your heart.

Her thoughts went to Krory. He hadn't said a thing to her anymore after their last conversation and she hadn't sought him either...

" _You have to admire him"_ She could remember when she had met him, a shy man that wasn't very different from Miranda Lotto with her initial nervousness. Though he had never stopped being a quiet person, it was easier to take notice of the strength that hid behind his dark eyes.

In relation to the possible allies, Klaud considered him and Kanda to be higher in her list. Taking how Lenalee had gone out in defense of Walker before Levelier, Klaud considered her as well, but that obvious expression of emotions... No, in the game they were, she could only hope that Lenalee would learn to control such expressions, otherwise she would be digging a grave for herself.

They were not in a situation where words of devotion were enough.

And things were growing worse by the time. Klaud would rather not get involved in such talks, keeping her facial mask of "General", but she did pay attention each time she overhead some talk whose subject came even close of Allen.

The gossip had not only been revived, but had also grown since Chaozii had revealed how Walker had meant to save the life of a Noah (and being kissed by Road Kamelot) and she had already heard some people referring to him as White Demon or White Noah, names that were quickly catching up. People who still went on about it (for there was always the need to have names as target for the hate, to blame for the nightmares and the war), spoke as if it was a fact of nature that Allen was a traitor and treated him as they would when talking about any other Noah, some even commenting how they had always suspected that there was something amiss with the white-haired, cursed boy.

It was ridiculous!

And she would have found it amusing, if it wasn't for the despise dancing with the tones and nicknames or the clear hate she had seen in Chaozii's eyes during some moments when their scheduled training collided.

" _Nothing can be done about this..."_ And there was no shortage of sadness in this. Klaud sighed and focused in trying to find a solution to what had been haunting her mind for a while now.

The Order's archives.

With the pretext of be just walking or coming back from a session of training, the woman had walked by the stair that led to the tunnels underground. Following the main one, you would find Hevlaska and though another one, you would reach the Archives Room. Several data and info, including that of battles from years ago...

" _If I could get in..."_ It needed to be without anyone else knowing it. The specific archives about thirty five years ago or more were, without a doubt, been kept with more care than before and the Central itself probably had already studied them in search of clues about the Fourteenth.

" _If you keep yourself focused in just one point, you may lose sight of the bigger picture"_

The question remained: How could she do that?

The easier way remained the same: Using of her authority as General. And it was also the easier way to call attention to herself and risk suspicion. Perhaps someone would judge her paranoid for this, but Klaud didn't care. The truth was that the Central was the paranoid one and she had to think about how they saw things at the moment.

The keys were probably well kept. Perhaps in Levelier's office...

" _It all must be done in one night. That means stealing the keys from the Inspector, entering the Archives Room,_ f _inding the correct papers, copying them, getting out, giving the keys back..."_

She turned, covering her eyes with her arm.

That wouldn't be easy.

" _Great"_ She thought with harshness. " _All this without being seen or creating reason for suspicions"_ And directed her thoughts to Lau, who was still awake, feeling his owner was planning something. " _We will need care and luck, here Lau. And you know I do not believe in luck"_

 **XxX**

"He seems to be alright..." Elana commented while feeling Bookman's pulse. "As far as I can see, he needs a lot of rest, but..." They couldn't forget that, Exorcist or not, Bookman was still a man of old age.

After the sudden evolution of Lavi's Innocence, the boy seemed stable and hadn't suffered another attack. He had muttered something in his sleep, without waking up and was still wounded and weak, but didn't seem to be in imminent danger anymore.

The others had expected some similar reaction in Bookman, yet nothing had happened and Elana had decided to examine him once more to make sure everything was alright... Or as alright as it could be.

" _The Noah truly did a number in them"_ She reflected with a sigh. " _How much can the body and the mind bear before breaking apart?"_ The question carried coldness. The Noah probably knew the answer. Whatever they had done, it had been with meticulous care to not go beyond that limit.

And yet, they had approached that line enough.

"They can't go back to the Order" Krory insisted, looking at the others and shaking his head. "Think about it, how they would explain a escape?"

It was a question no one had thought much about it until the vampire had pointed it out. They had focused themselves in the rescue in itself, not about what to do afterwards. Miranda nodded.

"Let's be honest. There is no possible lie that the Central would accept" She couldn't image the how Central would ever be convinced of an "accidental" rescue or that they had somehow escaped themselves, even if they waited until they didn't carry such obvious signals of torture. The Central was not idiot.

"Even so..." Samuel muttered with a way that was not usual from him, making his displeasure clear. Not so much about Lavi, but Elana had already explained to Allen that he had no sympathy for the Bookman lineage, even if she didn't know the details herself, since they had never talked about it. If she was to be completely honest, she knew little to nothing about that lineage and thought few people did.

Allen had had to admit he didn't know much about Bookman himself. For an instant, Road's words had come to him, from back when she had been trying to break Lavi's mind so they would fight, but Allen ignored it. It mattered very little in the present situation.

"Do you have a better idea?" Alison recalled while crossing her arms, weariness marking her face and she seemed like someone who hadn't slept in months. "Because I'm all ears..." It was obvious she wasn't very pleased about the only possible solution either, but was preferable to the alternative. They hadn't spent years managing to hide from the Order to suddenly take a risk such as that.

Samuel didn't reply, only a corner of his mouth twisted and he ran his strong hand in his dark hair, indication he saw no other way as well. Elana rested her hand on his back gently and the man's muscles reacted at once, relaxing.

The only possible way was to Lavi and Bookman now go with the Exiled in their journey, instead of going back to the Order. For what Samuel knew of the Bookman's ways, he doubted the old bat would like that very much... But without a credible story to how they had escaped the Noah, it was quite likely that the Central would suspect Allen's involvement and there was also the chance of someone noticing how the locals of the Exorcists' missions were conveniently close.

It would have been easy for the Central to suspect both had had been kept in the Ark and the only one who had more "control" over the damn thing had been Alleb. Therefore, he could be involved. Then, they would suspect more manpower...

No, Allen was an Exiled just like they were.

And they wouldn't allow _any_ of them to face this sort of risk.

"Sorry for this" Miranda tried, seeing how Alison and Samuel were annoyed by the idea. The man's dark eyes blinked to her and his features softned.

"Hey, no reason for apologies" He replied, not sure of what had made her say that. Lauren, who had kept herself abnormally quiet during the talk about the next steps, sighed audibly.

"It's just... Try to understand... We all _chose_ to leave the Order. Or had to" She added, not needing to look at Allen or any of the others.

"But Lavi and Bookman didn't" Krory completed in a low tone, trying to comprehend their point of view. He was about to add something more when a groan called their attention.

Lavi was waking up.

"Give space so he can breathe" Elana said before any of the others approached too much and placed her hand on his forehead. "Lotto, pass me that cloth please? He still has a fever. Samuel, get some water"

Lavi groaned lightly, as if still in search for the right path to consciousness. The others tensed up, unsure of what to expect. Elana placed the humid cloth in his forehead while Lauren held the first aid box in case there was immediate need, should Lavi express some pain. She still couldn't take off her mind the image of the blood expelling those worms from his system. The memory made a shiver ran over her spine, even after Lenalee and Allen had already explained about the strange evolution of Innocence and the woman had showed the marks she had on her ankles, as Kanda, with some grumbling, showed his.

Lauren had never expected to see something like that in her entire life.

A green eye opened. The color was pale, almost mist-like.

Lips trembled as if wanting to form a smile or words, but the gesture was weak and the body no longer remembered clearly how to do so. A weak sound escaped, followed by words that were fragile in sound.

"Hey... To wake up surrounded by... Such beautiful women... So... This must be Heaven, right?"

Elana and Alison exchanged looks of shock at the same moment, while Lenalee laughed to herself, the sound having roots more in relief than in finding the comment actually funny. Kanda, in his turn, rolled his eyes.

"If what comes out from the idiot's mouth as soon as he wakes up is such a pathetic pick-up line like that, then he is alright" He grumbled, crossing his arms. "No reason to worry" And walked away, sitting in a corner and closing his eyes as if making a point to show the subject was closed and done as far as he was concerned.

Still, a weak laugh found its way to Allen's mouth.

"Well, I think that was to be expected" Relief dominated his veins, clearing up clouds of worry, as if this had been some sort of sign that Lavi was still himself. He approached slowly. "Hey... Lavi...?"

The body in the bed was still that of a broken doll, with no strength for movements, but the pale eye opened again and went to the end of the bed, meeting gray eyes.

"Hey... You were right, Allen"

Allen did not understand what the other was talking about, but couldn't find in himself to care now. Lavi still tried to say something more, before Elana moved the cloth against his forehead.

"Easy there..." She warned softly as Lavi's eye closed once more with a mumble that no one understood before he became silent once more. Upon standing up, Elana looked at the other bed where Bookman was... Perhaps he too, would wake up soon.

 _XxX Two days later XxX_

"We still have our own missions" Kanda kept the harsh expression of always while leaning his back on the wall. "And it's better we get in contact soon, the Order will soon wonder if something happened and if they realize we turned our Golens off, if they haven't already..."

"I bet they did" Alison grunted, recalling her own days back in the organization as she checked some of the bandages Johnny and Miranda had brought, besides more medicine. During the last night, Lavi had showed improvement in his condition and Bookman, according to Elana and Krory who had stayed in the room, had gone through moments of consciousness and even said something, before falling asleep once more.

"If the situation is at the point you guys described, I wouldn't be surprised with anything else" They couldn't even risk turning their golens on now to say that everything was alright, not with the chance of the Order deciding to track their localization. Alison thought about some times when Lauren had joked with the idea that they were growing paranoid about it, but the joke aside, the truth was that all of them would rather evaluate all their possibilities in order to avoid them.

And after what the Exorcists had told them, she didn't think there would be any prevention that deserved to be classified as "paranoid". Not only regarding them, but the Exorcists just as well. Even though Kanda was now a General, it didn't change the fact that the Central still suspected him. Better safe than sorry anyway...

Kanda offered no reply, merely nodded in agreement. Alison, for a moment, wanted to ask if had had truly accepted the role of General, but decided to say nothing and held a sigh, whispering in an unreadable tone.

"How do you _stand_ the idea of going back there?"

"It isn't really a matter of choice, girl" The other snapped without hiding the ironic tone. Alison looked at him in silence until lowering her dark green eyes, picking some bandages and gauze.

"No... I suppose it isn't"

It was Kanda's turn to stay in silence for a moment as he watched her.

"Did you spend a lot of time there?"

"Just enough" It was the reply and the girl hesitated before shaking her head slightly to herself as she started to change the curatives in her arms with the ability of who is used to take care of herself. There were needle-like lines of wound breaking her skin and wrapping around the arm, some with a deep aspect and a line of pain still burned in them. "Yeegar was my General" She muttered without showing any emotion, remembering of when Allen had told her of his death...

Of the people she had truly known in the Order, he was one of the few who remained in her mind with warmth and love...

She had thought she had no more tears, but the night she had learned of what had happened to him, she had cried in silence untilsleep had finally took her away.

Kanda kept his stoic expression, merely nodding to indicate he had known the man.

"Hi there" A voice called them, coming from the stairs while Lauren came down, still limping a little though there was no pain to be found in her face, which Alison knew to mean nothing. Most of them, over time, had became versatile in keep a distance between their expressions and whatever went through their bodies or souls.

"Are you guys really leaving?"

Kanda nodded again. Lauren, already used to his serious manners, just sat at Alison's side, who had finished wrapping her arm and said nothing even when a lightning of pain went up from her leg to her spine.

"Well... You should at least wait a little more and eat something"

Kanda grunted something, looking away. But Lauren and Alison looked at each other, since he hadn't said anything about the idea being foolish, then perhaps he was accepting the suggestion?

 **XxX**

" _Neah... Can you hear me?"_ He thought tentatively, eyes closed and concentrating in the sensations of his body and mind, unsure that this could work, but if Neah was inside him, then perhaps there was a possible communication?

Even so, he felt nothing. No pulsating, nothing out of the normal...

Allen sighed to himself and opened his eyes slowly. The idea of attempting to make a communication with Neah had passed by his mind already, helped by the memory of when he had seen him for a moment when the Noah had almost possessed him during the case of Alma Karma.

" _You too, have become a mad puppet"_ That was what he had said. Allen hadn't understood now and didn't now, either. He wasn't sure of what he felt... On ahand, he was scared of losing control and what could happen then. Neah had hurt Johnny quite seriously, what else could he do? Besides, Mother's warning of how those two opposite energies could end up killing him hadn't been forgotten... And his nerves still now seemed to shatter at the very moment of the seizures he had had back then.

He knew they could come back at any moment.

And despite all this, he had realized how he actually knew nothing of Neah.

He had wondered if understanding him would change anything, realizing later that even if it didn't change things, it was something he wanted to do. He wanted to understand what had happened, in what he was involved and why...

Those two sensations danced inside of him, neither overpowering the other enough to be felt clearly.

As if that wasn't enough, he also couldn't help but to fear that making a communication with Neah could make it easier for the Noah to possess him. Now he thought that brief moment in which he had seen the Noah might have been just that once. Allen had no idea if he was supposed to be disappointed or relieved at this...

He sat on the skeleton of the broken bed, elbows leaning on his knees.

His thoughts took him to Raz for an instant. In the last days they had spent in that house as Lavi recovered slowly, she seemed lost in her own thoughts. Her silence, he had noticed, was different from when they had first net the Exiled and he could feel there was something going on with her... Allen wasn't sure that it was just the Exorcists' presence that had made her retreat to herself (he knew it couldn't be easy to the girl, he had learned how the Noah's instinct could be sometimes).

Even so... For now he had decided to give her space, but he was getting more and more worried.

The room's door opened ajar, someone spying in.

"Hi... Can I come in, Allen?" Lenalee asked before the boy smiled and nodded.

"How are your legs?"

"Quite better" She gave him a small smile as she sat in something that could have been a sort of small chair, but time had disfigured it to point one couldn't be sure if that was what it had been. "I wouldn't say ready to another round like that, but better"

A recuperation so fast, in any other cycle, would have been considered surprisingly.

"Good to hear" He didn't need to pretend relief or to comment about the seriousness of her burns, that would have had worse effects in a normal person. In the end, even now, he couldn't help but to sigh that the plan had truly worked and no one had died. Not when they had invaded the Noah's territory like that. The Battles of the Ark had been another matter entirely, they had been _taken_ there.

"What about you, what about your wounds?" Lenalee could only nod when he mentioned he was also better. The word-exchange between them was still more formal than it should be, still marked by past events.

It wasn't quite that what had bought her her and once more the girl experimented the same sensation of when meeting Allen for the first times in so many months and she didn't like it.

Once more, memories and images of the times they had spent together before all came crumbling down ran through her mind in fast flashes. And not for the first time, Lenalee wondered about decisions not made and words unsaid.

Perhaps, if something in the past was changed, how to know it wouldn't change the entire line that followed until this day?

"Allen..." Her tone was low, but called his attention and the boy looked at her with simplicity. Yet, it wasn't as it had been before...

"I'm sorry"

The white-haired boy stayed in silence and blinked to her, not understanding what she was saying. It was like when they had met and Miranda, she, Krory, they had already apologized... However, but Lenalee's behavior, he felt the reasons were more personal.

The words " _that's alright_ " almost came to him instinctively, but carried the taste of lies that were even bitterer than before, so he decided it would be better to remain quiet.

"I wanted... I..." She took a deep breathe, trying to find terms that expressed exactly what happened inside her. "That time I asked you to stay. I wasn't thinking..." She swallowed and looked in his eyes, hoping against hope that her voice wouldn't shiver.

"I'm sorry"

That night, along with many other memories, also had slithered around her mind.

"It... It was nothing" It was the muttered reply with a small shrug. All that was in the past and Allen didn't want to keep going back to those points. He had comprehended with himself that there was no forgetting and no avoiding the hurt, but that didn't mean he wanted to mull over it either.

He just wanted to leave all that in the past. He was tired.

"Yes, it was. I didn't just abandoned you..." It hurt to say those things, but not for herself. It hurt to look back and realize that she had hurt someone, especially someone she regarded as friend. Lenalee could affirm that there were things that did hurt more than physical wounds and had to recognize she had caused this sort of hurt.

In the last two days, past events had stood out in her mind and she had had time to think and allow that they haunted her, because she had understood then that only like this she could evaluate what had happened and the path that had taken there for this point.

Now, some small thoughts made themselves heard, whispering justifications and how there was nothing she could have done for Allen either way... How she had only meant well, only wished for his safety...

Lenalee ignored them. They were lies whispered by her own mind and she no longer wanted to hear them.

" _Friends don't hurt other friends_ "

"I didn't do anything else _either_." She looked him in the eyes, thinking about how many times Allen's smile had been a lie that she hadn't noticed. "I said awful things as well".

Both looked at each other in silence. Their instinct, more than the rational mind, ran through the "maybe", "could-should" that indicated paths never taken and had been closed forever when other decisions had been made.

"Allen... Can you forgive me, for not being a good friend?"

He stayed quiet for a moment, letting the words be absorbed by the mind. He hadn't wanted to admit even to himself what he felt until that night in Mother's house when he had finally told all the truth to Raz... And she had told him that it was alright to feel betrayed, that it didn't make him a bad person, that it was natural... Then, and only then, he had been able to cry.

Even after this, he had still tried to not think about it, tried to not look behind just because he didn't want to face his own feelings on the matter. The little he had allowed himself to feel in the deep hours of the night when he couldn't sleep and thoughts became crows had been quite enough already.

Upon seeing Miranda and the others again, he hadn't had how to hide it anymore and couldn't deny how their actions had hurt him more than when Tyki had planted a Tease in his heart. He couldn't deny that, even if he knew they couldn't have done anything, the fact that they hadn't bothered to try... Even to hear them screaming at the guards outside his cell would have been a light...

But they had left him in the darkness.

They had left him to drown.

To leave the Order, to hear the loud warning echoing that he was to be classified as a Noah from now on, considering his mind had already been in a storm after seeing Apocryphos, after that creature had manifested itself and the _confusion to be saved by Noahs..._

The sensation of being alone.

He had smiled to Lenalee, as if there was no other expression that his muscles knew and told her he loved everyone in the Order, but thatsame home now hated him.

He couldn't say her words had been a source of comfort or encouragement that night.

Still, it wasn't in him to wallow in resentments... There was a lot already pulling him to unknown depths as it was, so he merely nodded. Lenalee repeated the gesture, a mute understanding between them that this meant only that Allen didn't despise her.

Lenalee knew it was more than she deserved, more than any of them deserved. And in the future? That still seemed too wrapped in thorns.

"I don't want to fight you" She caught herself whispered, unable to hide this fear. There always had been fear. Fear of the next fight, of loss, of pain... Now, pain devoured all around, becoming a haunting entity that grabbed veins and infected blood. "And I won't"

Allen, for a moment, didn't seem to be about to reply.

"Then we won't. See, we met again and you didn't need to kick me!" He assumed a thoughtful air before adding with a kind of smile that, while not a lie, wasn't also the one Lenalee had grown used to. "And that's good, too, your kicks hurt a lot"

The joke helped the clean the stable air among the two. It wasn't quite like laughter from before, free and without barriers, being more the sort of sound between two people who don't see each other for ages and no longer feel the intimacy that allows them to communicate with their gazes alone.

But it was laughter, at any rate.

"Still, Allen... I'm so sorry" Maybe, if things hadn't followed such a uncontrolled path, she would have been able to tell him more than that.

But this was reality, in which all that had happened and it couldn't be altered.

She chose the silence.

There were things she needed to work with herself as well.

 **XxX**

He held the Golem. It was black and smooth to the touch, quite alike those of the Order, once the material had came from there. However, Johnny had somehow made small aesthetic alterations, enough so the similarity was basic and differences made it into something new.

Allen had to admit the idea had worked. He knew well why Johnny had dedicated himself to such differences and there was a comfort in this as well. To be honest, he wasn't sure he would have felt good using a Golem that looked so much like something that belonged in the Order.

The man in question had his shoulders low. Thanks to the amount of work back in the Order, he could deal with few hours of sleep and didn't tire quite easily, so he had managed to build some golens by himself and, after presenting them, had also showed the Exorcists how to use the ones they had in a frequency that the Order couldn't track down or monitor, the same that had been used by Allen when he had asked Kanda for help when they had decided to rescue Lavi and Bookman.

"I know it's not Tim, but... We can use it..." He muttered, well aware Allen still carried the burnt remains of Timcampy and also how the loss hadn't been the same as losing a mere object. The boy thanked as Lauren also examined the other golem Johnny had made. It had been a long time ago since they had used those things and now, she couldn't deny that when she had joined the organization, the golens had been a source of fascination and curiosity, as she had never even dreamed about such technology before.

Without a doubt, they made communication more practical.

"You, huh, Allen... I disappear for a while. You get yourself into a mess like that" Lavi tried to joke, but his words were still forced sounds into the shape and there was no cheerfulness, as if he couldn't remember even how to pretend that. It was almost as hearing a creature that could imitate the voice's cadence, but lacked the emotion. It also didn't help how it had been a while since his body had been able to produce any sound.

He was half seated in his bed while holding a soup dish. Not knowing how the Noah had kept him and Bookman alive and also wanting to give time for his recuperation, Elana had suggested that it would be better if he didn't feed on solid things at least for a while until he felt truly better.

She hoped it would be less complicated than what they had expected due to the evolution of his Innocence, but there was no way to be sure about it... And this just physically. He had woken up in the last night suddenly and it had taken him time until he finally understood while he was. Miranda had been in the room at the time with Elana and both believed the absence of screams was more due to tiredness and the time without using his voice than anything else.

Allen and the Exorcists had also been able to see the obvious. There was a harshness in his facial lines that had never been there and even with his attempts at humor, there was something in his mannerisms that couldn't accompany the memories...

Somehow, Lavi was still lost, slowly searching for the path back.

In reply to the joke (or attempt), Allen merely smiled weakly to him.

"Well, when have things ever been different, right?"

"Which confirms" Lavi muttered. "That you're truly _cursed_ ". His voice imitated the sound of small laughter that came from the memory, without truly measuring up to it and just being a weak echo. Allen still tried to see this as an improvement, since those were closer demonstrations of humor than it had been in the last days.

After fully waking up, Lavi and Bookman had had time to talk with Allen, Lenalee, Krory and the others, more listening that speaking about what has happened during all those months they had spent as prisoners. Lavi had barely spoken of what had happened to _him_ and no one had asked much either, for which he was secretly grateful. Bookman had gave the minimum details necessary, just that they had been torture for info and that even the other Noahs didn't seem to know much about the Fourteenth.

The last days had been spent in rest and, slowly, Lavi felt able to think coherently once more, thought there was still a hollow sensation, as if a part of him had been forgotten in the Ark. Yet, the story had given him something to think about when he felt his mind working once more... All that had heard and also about what he was sure he had felt during the evolution of his Innocence; when Allen had told him about Apocryphos and also what had truly happened to Suman Dark, he had felt a shiver. He had never thought about the possibility of Innocences havinf some sort of consciousness, let alone feelings for their accomodators.

And yet, he knew. What he had felt had been his Innocence, cradling his soul.

Curiously, when he had been left alone with Bookman, he hadn't wanted to ask about the creature Allen had seen or even if the old man knew anything. It was too much to assimilate to engage in a conversation on the subject right away... Allen arrested, the Noah rescuing him, Apocryphos... And as if that wasn't enough, the Exiled and that Noah girl, Raz.

Besides, though his strength was coming back quicker than what would be considered normal taking in account what had happened, he was still far from being up and about again and weariness still grabbed his insides.

"So, any idea where we shall go, then?" Bookman asked from his bed, not giving signs of what he thought about the whole ordeal. "Since we won't go back to the Order..."

They had been warned of such as well and Lavi had no idea what to think about it... He had grown too used to the live of Exorcist, something Road Kamelot had realized when "playing" with him in the Ark. On another hand, knowing what had been done to Allen had created a bitter taste in his mouth from which he couldn't get free from.

As someone from the Bookman lineage, he should keep himself apart from such cases. People were just ink, figures whose acts were dots in the great history of humanity and only facts that did influence the course were of true value. A historian shouldn't involve himself, but to stay away and just register what happened, letting the natural course to take shape...

Lavi knew deep inside he couldn't just stand by anymore.

He had already, for many and many times, assumed this role of registering and had worked it masterly, with no emotion caused by the events.

Not now.

Human history had been pushed aside now in favor of a friend who had been treated as a criminal and now was seen as an enemy by the same home he had fought for.

" _You shouldn't feel like this_ " A voice, too alike to that of his other "self" that Road had used to attack him mentally, whispered. Lavi was still so hurt inside that he didn't react.

"Not that traveling with such attractive company won't be pleasant" He tried to joke again if just to shut that voice away and to try and ignore that bitter feeling that he had brought from the Ark. He didn't want to seem weak, didn't want anyone to go away carrying an image of him suffering. He never liked that.

"Is he always like that?" Lauren asked, unable to fully hide a playful smile, still holding the new golem. Kanda, sitting at a corner with his elbow leaning on his knee, twisted his mouth and Allen shrugged.

"Oh, you get used to it"

After they talked a little more about their plans, they decided to leave both of them to sleep. The Exorcists had to leave already and said goodbyes to Lavi and Bookman, while promising they would see each other soon, lamenting they couldn't stay longer until they were both fully recovered...

It didn't take more than a couple of minutes to Lavi to fall asleep. Bookman, in his turn, remained half seated in the bed, reflecting about all that had happened. He couldn't say he was completely happy with the situation... On a side, those were quite unprecedented events: He had never even heard about that small group that named themselves Exiled, though they were of small importance considering the greater scheme of the war. And there was also nothing in his register that at some point of history a Noah had became an ally of an Exorcist.

Or Innocence's Accomodator would be perhaps the better term in Walker's case now.

Yes, the logic was that the Fourteenth had known Cross, but their relationship remained too wrapped in shadows to be firmly classified as friends in the register.

There was also the fact to consider that he had missed events of great importance to be noted and how now he would be forced to walk away from the Order to follow that errant group. It was nothing that went accordingly with the plans and the loss of info was something grave for a Bookman... They were supposed to report that war from the Order's point of view, as they were the human's side. That was all that mattered, nothing else...

Yet, he was no fool. He knew he couldn't register anything if he was dead.

The groan of the old door opening a little called his attention.

It was the Exiled, Samuel Kallen.

He took a moment to look at Lavi, making sure he was asleep before he looked at Bookman with an inscrutable gaze and, with movements of the panther he seemed to be under the human skin, he approached his bed with arms crossed.

"Are you going to give us any trouble, wanting to go back to the Order?"

Well, the man was direct to the point. Bookman couldn't deny this was something he did appreciated, contrary to people who tended to beat around the bush. From what he quickly noticed from such attitude, the man wither didn't like to follow journey with people who had not chosen to leave the Order by themselves or there was something more going on.

"There isn't much of a choice, I would say" He measured his words with caution, as he was not sure of what to do about it. If any rescue was to be made, he would have thought it would have been made by the Order and knew his position now was out of his control, no matter what he felt about it. "So, I think we'll go with you" At least he could still record a hidden part of that war and the development of Allen Walker. He had not forgotten what Hevlaska had said about the boy becoming a Destroyer of Time.

Samuel lifted his eyebrows and a shadow of disdain passed by his eyes, as if feeling the nature of the old man's thoughts.

"Perhaps we should make somethings clear..." He said with a softness that was almost a purr. "I do not like you"

It was Bookman's turn to raise his brow, but he didn't have time to express how it didn't affect him or to ask in what sense. Samuel merely carried on.

"I do know a little about the Bookman lineage. Enough to not have the tiniest sympathy for it" His tone was tame, while leaving no doubt that he had only helped in the whole ordeal because Allen was his friend and also because no one deserved to be left to the mercy of the Noah. "What I want to make clear is that, if you make matters complicated to us trying to go back because of your oh-so-precious historic record, then you'll be putting my friends in risk... And that's where _I_ come in. Understand?"

Bookman just stared back at him. It wasn't the first time he met one of the few people who had some idea of what the Bookman lineage truly meant and who also despised it. However, he has not stupid and knew that going back to the Order would cause problems to him as well... He had to keep his records safe no matter what.

The Bookman lineage was Guardian of Human History, after all.

"Perfectly" He replied in the same tone. "And I don't expect you to understand. But this record is of extreme importance. Do you have any idea of how many things would have been lost if it wasn't for us? The study of pyramids, the Alexandria? We have struggled for ages to not let human's knowledge to fall into the darkness, to keep the history of how humans change this world. Of course someone like you wouldn't grasp it"

Samuel didn't seem the least impressed and surprisingly, gave a low chuckle, his throat trembling with the sound it produced. That did not interest him considering that same lineage stood aside and let the most atrocious things to happen, merely making notes of it and not even blinking an eye to the lives that had been lost in the way. With the focus they had in that damn record, they could be stubborn as hell and they were facing enough risks as it were.

"You're hilarious. The great Bookman lineage, always standing aside, recording the history without actually taking part on it..." His black eyes gleamed in the direction of the old man. "Do you want to isolate yourselves from humanity? To not get involved, to let things take their " _natural_ " course? Don't be ridiculous..."

Samuel raised his shoulders, indicating that whatever answer the old man had to it, in the end, had no meaning whatsoever. Many of the people of that lineage had been in positions where they could have done something to help others and save innocent lives, yet they did nothing, letting those things happen and calling it "natural course"...

Bookman could talk until his tongue rotted, but for Samuel, there was nothing natural about war, about those who burned others' house for no reason than their skin color or social status, about people who sent others to concentration camps for no other reason than being born. No one should look at cities shattering under bombs, creating rivers of blood and tears and calling it "natural course".

He remembered something his father had told him when he was small and it had followed him throughout all of his life: For evil to succeed, what it needed the most were people willing to look away and do nothing.

No, he and his friends didn't need that old idiot trying to constantly run away to get in contact (bad) or going back (worse) to the Order.

"You know, you can see other people as mere _ink in the paper_ , as you say so yourselves. And that only the great acts that change history are of any value... But those acts are not born overnight, they are often made slowly, forming a chain. And those people you call _ink._.. They have blood, they have flesh. They leave behind people that remember them as humans and who cry for their deaths. Even those whose deaths are a relief... They _existed"_

He gave his back to Bookman, turning to look at him from the door.

"You're the one who is going to die alone." He spoke lowly, more to himself than anyone else. "You're more unreal than all those historic figures..."

Their eyes crossed, knives against knives.

"Who is the ink now?"

 **XxX**

"Only a little more and I guess they will be okay to travel" Elana had the best smile of the doctor she had been unable to become, being merely professional rather than trying to offer the comfort of a friend. And at least it was indeed what she hoped that would happen. "The Innocence got rid of whatever it was inside him and Bookman seems to be quite better" She carried on, her eyes going to each of the Exorcists. The impression that had grown in those few days had been that they were kind people, but even so, Elana knew better than to trust first impressions alone.

"We... We'll try to keep in contact..." Krory hesitated, wanting to ignore the wish to stay, no matter how he knew it was not possible, at least not yet. For now, the better help they could offer would be from inside the Order. The spark in his eye didn't pass unnoticed to Alison... She knew the sound of lines breaking, each extremity starting a symphony of its own that at times managed to survive by themselves and in others, entered in conflict.

To her, it was a positive signal. It helped to know those people truly had more loyalty towards Allen than to the organization, at least enough to cause such conflict. Someone might reprimand her for having doubts after all that had happened, but Alison wasn't someone that would stop or deny her own nature and would much rather keep that flame of mistrust alive.

" _Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you_ " Lauren sometimes would say when jokingly accused each other of excessive caution. With time, this had became an inner joke of the group, thought its roots remained in seriousness.

"We too, should anything happen" Lauren promised, managing to sound friendlier than Elana, though she also had the same seeds of doubt reacting with other feelings. Those people didn't seem bad and honestly, at she had even enjoyed their company at a personal level, though it was somewhat weird to be in a such a large group when she had been used for so long with being a group of only five.

It had been easier to accept Allen too because he was like them, someone who couldn't go back to the Order and who had felt (and been) betrayed by it. Even Kanda had spent quite a time with them and had had to return merely by accident... With the others, it was another story completely.

Kanda interrupted her with a growl.

"Oi, only in extreme cases. I've told this to the baka Moyashi already" And he indicated Allen with his head, referring to when he had contacted him at night in the Order. If they were not more careful with it, it would all be lost and it wouldn't be of any help if they started to use that frequency all the time like a bunch of gossiping little girls. Allen rolled his eyes as if untouchable by such terms.

"It _was_ a serious matter and it's Allen, Bakanda"

Marie held back a chuckle with the usual exchange between them, where there was no real hostility and Elana shook her head with a smile, also already used to the way those two treated each other. She would have been able to say they were best friends, if she didn't know they would both deny it vehemently and Kanda would probably have threats to say.

Alison gestured with her head before shaking hands with the Exorcists, still with a reserved way and didn't break contact with any of them, even Lenalee.

"It was nice to meet you all" Miranda said upon shaking hands with Samuel, who nodded. The woman had sensibility enough to see beyond the politeness and realize they didn't receive fully trust from those people and also knew she would have felt the same, were she on their side of the line.

"Take care of each other, alright?" He said, marked by seriousness. "They will be quite irritated"

No need to ask whom he was referring to. The Noah Clan wouldn't take well the whole ordeal. None of them needed to think much about it to reach the conclusion that all of them, especially the Millennium Earl, would be furious...

"Yes. You take care as well, okay?" Krory replied as Miranda shook hands with Raz, giving her a sweet smile. None of them had truly talked after what had happened in the chapel or about what Raz had confessed, but though her nerves still convulsed when in contact with the girl's skin, the image of her mixed with that of Road laughing in such way that it pushed the instinctive fear away a little. It was almost ironic, since the girl had confessed murder, but Miranda hadn't forgotten _how_ she had confessed it.

Raz said nothing, but a glimpse of gratefulness indicated to Miranda that she appreciated how the older woman hadn't told anyone and also the comfort she had offered back then.

Allen still accompanied them through the broken path in front o the house until a certain point. He wouldn't stay for long either as he had managed to talk a little in the town about circus, finding out that there was a traveling one in a city nearby, where he intended to go with Raz soon. It had been quite difficult to convince Johnny to stay with the others and meet later, but the man had finally accepted as he knew a little more about medical aid and had to be there should Lavi or Bookman's condition suddenly change. Though worried, Johnny had finally agreed.

Allen admitted this insistence had been more a source or warmth that annoyance. Even now he couldn't get completely used to the pleasant sensation that Johnny had, despite all, ran away from the Order and joined the Exiled.

" _And he really got into it"_ He reflected, thinking about how his friend had been excited working in the repair shop to help with the money, then talking about strategies to keep themselves hidden and steps of the travel...

The group, plus Allen, stopped at a certain distance from the house.

There was a dry silence, that dared to devour what it touched.

Miranda approached Allen, feeling her mouth like a desert before she dominated herself.

"We... We will see each other again..." She said, not truly wanting to make this a goodbye, as much as it was. Even knowing that he was alright, it didn't change how there was worry and regret even now.

"Of course we will!" Allen replied as if it was obvious. But none of them could feel the warmth of a promise to meet again. None of them could gather the shards of what had been broken, no matter if they held it so firmly that their hands bleed.

What is lost cannot be reclaimed.

Allen could still smile, but there was subtle difference that many wouldn't have noticed. It was an expression born more of politeness than emotional bonds.

Even Allen couldn't find inside himself a firmness in which to lean to and from which he could adjust his own heart. There had never been poison of hate or anger for those people, just that never-closing wound... Even after months it still bled as if it wouldn't stop. Time had covered it a little so he could ignore it, but that was it.

Now he didn't know what feel about those people he had called friends. He had wanted to keep calling them as such, but meeting them again had only revealed that he could not. There was no opium to make dormant the memory of being caged, of being alone, of drowning in darkness and scared...

They had abandoned him.

As much as he could understand their actions, it didn't mean there was no pain. And he couldn't pretend to himself or to then, such would be hypocrisy.

Not that he was forgetting the whole past. Their moments together, in which they had leaned on each other and being strength to each other were still alive in him, pulsating with a fire of their own and those were years of being together.

But did that mean the abandonment should be ignored? That the hurt should be put aside as something without value? He didn't want it, but the memories of happiness were now also marked by sadness.

He didn't know the answer to any of this.

"Allen..." Krory started, becoming quiet again for an instant. It wasn't that it was hard to apologize, it was knowing that they were nothing more than words that changed nothing. "I don't want to be the sort of people who hurts others, let alone my friends"

"Huh?" The Exorcist's words made Allen tilt his head to the side, vaguely confused and caught by surprise. Krory nodded to him, his dark eyes with a seriousness that was rarely seen on him unless he had his Innocence activated.

"If I was the sort of person who leaves his friend behind, then I was not a good person" The older one carried on and even if what he had to say could sound too sentimental, he couldn't care less, because it was the truth. Enough with the lies, be to himself or others. "You helped me when I was alone and when the time came, I didn't do the same. I had no intentions to hurt you, but I did, so my intentions are of no matter"

Allen decided it was better to keep himself quiet. A traitorous little voice in his mind made him wonder whether Krory was being sincere of if he was just saying all this to feel better. He hated himself for allowing such a thought, but couldn't help it.

"We know, Allen" Miranda's tone was low, but firm. "That we can't change the past, but we also know that what we did... It was awful".

"You have apologized already" Allen muttered. "I..."

"Yes, you said that you forgive us" Lenalee completed with a sigh. "But it's not enough. I mean..."

"We mean that we talked about it" Marie interrupted, to which Allen was somewhat surprised. Kanda, on his turn, remained abnormally quiet. That was surprisingly, as it didn't match his usual behavior in front of talks of this nature.

What Kanda would never reveal, not even under torture, was that he had been frankly pissed off with the other's behavior. He had said nothing, but there had been no need.

"You forgive us and we're grateful. But from now on, we want to do something to _deserve_ it" It wasn't only forgiveness. Upon neglecting Allen in the hour of need, they had neglected their friendship. It wasn't just his forgiveness they wanted to deserve, but also his friendship.

What they had done was serious. And they would treat it as such.

Allen just felt hollow inside, body forgetting any possible reaction, forgetting how to work. Was there any answer to this? A part of him still wanted to say something kind, something good, but his vocal chords refused to move and his mind couldn't weave the words.

"I... I don't know"

That's was all he could say. The only truth left.

The others nodded, aware they couldn't ask for more than this, as sad as they were. They could only thank that Allen had said that he didn't know, didn't know if this would work of if there was a chance. But it was better than words of despise or a complete refusal.

"Nothing can go back to how it was before" Miranda muttering, not taking her eyes away from Allen and holding her hands in front of her body, for there was a strong desire to hug him and she wanted to respect the time he needed. "But it's like Krory said. To go back to how it was before also means to go back being someone who abandons a friend. We don't want this"

"Even if it's all different... We still want to be your friends" Lenalee muttered.

Allen could only nod. Not in acceptance, not to indicate that he wanted their friendship back, merely that he accepted those words... He accepted their feelings.

"Well..." Krory mumbled, noticing Kanda's iron gaze. "Take care, Allen..."

The other managed to shrug.

"Of course, Krory! You know I prefer a calm life with no complications"

Kanda grunted something about Lavi's influence and his comments or then the exhibition of the _"usual lack of sense from the Moyashi"._

When the Exorcists walked away by the path back to town, Allen still observed them for a while, before giving his back. That emptiness hadn't been filled and he was still lost about what to feel regarding all that.

Things truly couldn't go back to how they were between them. There was no escape from consequences and some decisions haunt us forever... And trying to pretend such things never happened, that there never was hurt or neglect, it's just covering wounds that still bleed.

But that didn't mean something couldn't be born from those ashes, something perhaps stronger than before.

And that was alright.

* * *

 **Ana: C'mon, did anyone think I would actually kill Lavi off? His fans would tear me apart!**

 **Lavi: You still hurt me like hell, you know.**

 **Ana: Blame the Noah and Fiidora, not me.**

 **Lavi: You're the author!**

 **Ana: On a note, I've made a** _ **ko-fi**_ **account. Ko-fi is a really great site where people can give support to others they like. Between college, searching for a job and taking care of my mom, things have been quite hard around here (not to mention Brazil's economy, like in many other places, has not been that great lately), so if you could give me a hand through the site, it would mean the world to me. The link is in my profile.**

 **Lauren: I wonder if people even watch the news about your country.**

 **Ana: They don't need. You want news about here? I'll give you! Our politicians are all a bunch of shameless thieves.**

 **Allen: What's else is new?**

 **Ana: Remember guys, if you like my fics you could also check my Deviantart page, there are illustrations of the fic and other things.**

 **Tyki: What's next, "don't forget to like and subscribe"?**

 **Ana: This is not youtube and... Wait, how do you even KNOW what youtube is?**

 _ **jy24:**_ _Like I said, I couldn't kill Lavi... But that didn't mean I couldn't maim him a little._

 _Lavi: You're evil, you know that?_

 _Ana: That was painful, but really necessary. From the beginning I had the evolution of his Innocence planned like that._

 _Raz: Well, I'm... I'm grateful she didn't tell anyone..._

 _Ana: Miranda has a heart of gold. Now Raz needs to tell the others... And we better hope the Noah Clan won't be too mad._

 _Tyky (creepy smile): Oh, dear, we're not "too mad"..._

 _Sheryl (creepy smile 2): We just want to have a nice little chat with those people, that's all..._

 _ **TEAM SasuNaruHina:**_ _That's a good question! No one else will braid Kanda's hair when he is asleep!_

 _Kanda: Try and die._

 _Lavi: What can I say, it looks cute._

 _Kanda: That's it, I'll kill you!_

 _Ana: We have to admire Lavi's courage. I don't know anyone else who would dare to do that to Kanda. Not much of the Noahs in this chapter either, but don't worry, they will have a lot of scenes in the future._

 _ **SeventhStar23:**_ _Oooh, I want the cookie! I do!_

 _Wisely: And all her dignity is thrown out of the window._

 _Sheryl: Did she ever even had dignity to begin with?_

 _Ana: Oh, screw you both! It's cookie, damn it. I have to say, your reviews made me feel all warm inside... I admit that I hate the Order, but I wanted to keep the characterization as better as I could so I wanted to make things balanced. I'm glad I managed so!_

 _Miranda: We're sorry, we really are!_

 _Ana: Well, then work to not repeat the mistake and to show you learned with it. It's not like what they did was nothing, so I wanted to give it the importance I felt it was necessary. Yup, I really believe there are no right sides in a war._

 _Kanda: I wouldn't say quite that..._

 _Ana: I'm so glad you got that. Indeed, even if we like the characters, I wanted to portray this as realistic as possible. As for Raz... Who knows when it's enough? And you're right about the self hate thing..._

 _Miranda: I couldn't help it to be scared, but at the same time... She didn't look quite dangerous right then and I just... I just didn't want to leave her alone._

 _Sheryl: Bonding with an actual Exorcist? BONDING WITH AN ACTUAL EXORCIST? That's it to me, I don't care, we're bringing her home and teaching her even if I have to break her apart!_

 _Ana: Nice going, Sheryl, that's definitely going to be a nice family bonding time!_

 _Sheryl: They are poisoning her! And what the hell is that of her following their God? That's enough!_

 _Ana: Ugh, nice, he went all berserk..._

 _Devit: Get Road back soon, she's the only one who can deal with him._

 _Ana: Give it time, Devit. Thanks! I really love David Phelps, his songs are always right in the feels and I felt that one was perfect for this chapter, with the regret and hope. You have no idea how happy it makes me that it went well with the chapter. But it's like you said, in the end, who knows when forgiveness is truly earned?_

 _Wisely: She shouldn't even be feeling bad!_

 _Ana: On a note... No. If you keep feeling like hugging her then I really won't stop. Huhuhu. Well, yes. He is really thinking about this detail and yes, that is an important detail... But you'll have to wait to find out what it means!_


	29. Act Twenty Nine – Killing Instinct

" _Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are" –_ Soren Kierkegaard

 **Act Twenty Nine – Killing Instinct**

It was after the Exorcists left, while the old man and redheaded rested, that Raz confessed about the recalled memory... And what she had done.

It came to her, when the silence dominated the room they were in, that if such thing had come to pass months ago, she might have never shared it with a single soul... Or more likely, she would have confessed to Allen and Allen alone... The girl didn't delay much in the idea. It made no difference to whom she would have told it months ago or if she would have at all. They weren't living in such times. They weren't in the past...

And yet, even so, _that part_ of the past _lived in her_.

She couldn't bring herself to look at any of them after telling about the murders. All she could do was to wonder how many people she had killed, how much more blood there was in her hands... And how could she ever have felt such pleasure from it.

What kind of creature was she?

She didn't know what reactions to expect either, remaining with her eyes turned to the ground. Although she had wanted to tell, refusing to have such secrets, it didn't make things at all easier.

The others heard her in that silence that carried on after the grotesque tale of blood. Samuel and Lauren exchanged glances briefly before looking at Raz again, none of them with an expression that could be evaluated with certainty.

Allen's mind was a vast white. At first, all he could do was to listen to how she spoke of Mana, but that last part had painted a violent and cruel portrait... He had _expected_ that there was something of this nature in her past, of course, but it was too different to know something through an idea and to learn it through a fact.

"Raz..." It was Elana who first spoke, seriousness scarring her soft features. The young girl lifted her face to the blonde.

The sound of a slap whipped the room.

Alison let out an exclamation of surprise and Lauren was unable to do anything other than look from Elana to Raz, shocked with the uncommon behavior of the other. For an instant, a cry of anger touched Allen's throat before he regained control of himself.

Raz, however, remained still, face to the side, the pale face growing pink and then red.

"I do not know if anyone ever punished you for this, but I doubt it" Elana's voice was harsh. She never, ever, had used such a tone to her and the girl seemed to shiver more for this than due to the slap. "Then, I think this is even little, considering also how you killed those people" There was no other name but torture.

"Hey, Ela..." Lauren started, being ignored.

"There is no changing what you have done... You know this..."

Raz nodded, in silence.

"You just went and killed those people, Raz. Whatever reason the Earl had, something like that... You were... You were _cruel_ " There was no need to say she had been just like the rest of the Clan, but it was all the reprimand, all the conflict she could stand to inflict in the other, as a mother who cannot punish the child enough, as necessary as it is. Elana sighed...

"I won't say it's alright... But... It doesn't mean we will stop liking you..."

Raz looked at her, some surprise escapingher stone-blue eyes... Allen frowned a little, as it wasn't quite what one expected to hear after a slap in the face, but he could understand Elana's point of view, as much as he didn't agree with the action. It wasn't as if them liking Raz changed that she had killed people...

" _She and the other Noah too..._ " And he caught himself thinking about Suman Dark, devoured by the Tease, in all who had died in that war. He remembered the first time he had ever met Road and cried out how humanity's demise couldn't ever be the will of God, but of the Devil. She had merely shrugged it off, for it didn't matter for her which was which as long as humans died... And the other Noah also had no issues with expressing the same sadism. Sheryl had confessed it while winking, as though this was all but a fun game.

Where did such hate come from?

On a hand, Elana was right. To say it was alright would say that those lives had no value, that the pain caused didn't matter.

Raz remained in silence.

Johnny could only watch the scene without knowing what to say. He couldn't deny that with the passing of days, he had sort of grown used to the Noah's presence, which had made him _almost_ forget what she was and what she could have done... The way she kept a human appearance was clearly a factor, it made easier to one to dismiss that underneath the pale skin, there were ashes and black scars.

What she had told them seemed to have been done by someone else, in another life. Raz told them she had enjoyed that destruction, even when breaking apart a man's face beyond all possible recognition, however what waved from her wasn't something belonging to a sadistic person... Perhaps this was still inside her, but it was strange.

Raz did not touch her face, but sustained the blonde's stare, her expression showing nothing but a strange serenity. Yet, coexistence made it so that Elana and the others felt the soft signals of what was going on inside her.

For a moment, Elana wondered what else lurked in Raz, remaining hidden even from herself. She wasn't sure she was dealing with the situation properly, but even with the pain Raz had felt with the memory and also the death of the other Noah, it didn't mean what what she had done didn't deserve some sort of punishment... The friends of her victims surely would have wanted to do more than merely slap her, no doubt.

Alison stepped towards the Noah.

"You regret it... This counts for something" She mumbled, also without any idea of what to say. "It isn't like you want to keep killing... I mean... Heck, I don't know."

Lauren sighed. Years ago, she had believed that murderers were undeserving of second chances and admitted that perhaps she was allowing her feelings to change her thoughts, but... Damn, it was _Raz._ As as reserved as she was, she couldn't hide her feelings on the matter and, as Alison had said, this had to count for something, right?

"Personal defense, protecting your loved ones, it is one thing" She managed to say, admitting to herself that, should she meet a Finder or anyone who could and would denounce her friends, she couldn't say she wouldn't have killed the person if it was necessary. What Raz had done wasn't the same thing, not with those people having no Innocence or means to defend themselves, but...

"It is a war. You were on the other side" Samuel was firm, though this sounded quite weak on his ears. "You're not the same person of before" He only wished it was so simple, but things never were black and white.

" _Wars can turn all of us into killers_ " The thought came and grew roots in his brain. Perhaps even the Earl had had reasons to send her and the other Noah to do that.

" _Yeah, like making akumas_?" He couldn't help the sarcastic thought, after all, it wasn't as if a reason would make things better.

Allen said nothing, merely placing his hand on her shoulder with a soft smile.

" _I don't want to ever feel something_ _like this"_ The girl thought to herself, her muscles heavy wrapped by the skin, weariness spreading by her blood.

To some surprise of Raz, there weren't tense moments or different looks at her direction after this. No one knew what to say for sure, but they still reunited their things normally and ate together _,_ discussing where and when they could meet, the use of the new golems... The revelation of her acts, though shocking, hadn't poisoned her relationship as she had feared and, contrary to rejecting her, the others subtlety showed concern with how she would be reacting, not wanting that memory, the first she recalled with clarity, to become a plague in her mind.

They spent time like this until the following morning, when things were ready and she and Allen ready to leave. With traveling circus, it was better to hurry up, since Allen had just heard about a circus in a nearby town, but wasn't sure of their time of staying. Perhaps it was the same circus where he had grown up. If not, perhaps the people there knew about it. In a way or another, it worked as a clue.

Lavi and Bookman still needed a couple of days more until they could travel, so the others would remain using that house as a base until then. Both could only thank Allen once more for what he had done and ask him to be careful.

The old man showed no sort of opinion or feeling towards the presence of a Noah, but Lavi couldn't help his reaction of discomfort, despite her human appearance. There was no hurt or surprise in this, but the surprise was when he attempted to smile (though he could only force the face muscles into the position of one).

"I don't know how to thank you" He said, gaze going from the others to Allen. His green eye didn't seem at all how Allen recalled... There were scars behind it and an stiffness that didn't match his face... Somehow, through that eye, Allen could see some strange sort of oldness. An old eye in a young face.

He held Lavi's hand with his dark fingers. Lavi still stared at him, not blinking.

"I mean it, Allen... I... I owe you one" There was something that tainted the gratitude, the touch, and it came from those scars. Allen held his friend's hand strongly, trying to transmit some warmth and risked a joke.

"Then never draw in my face when I sleep"

To his relief, the sound that escaped Lavi's throat, while not a laugh, it was lighter in its nature than his voice had sounded until now and a brief, pale glint in his eye when he lifted his hands in gesture of innocence. His hair had grew in those months and fell over his shoulders in uneven strands.

"Oh, I can't promise that..."

Allen shook his head, pretending that there was no hope for his friend.

"You never learn" And he turned to the others, pointing at Lavi with his thumb. "You heard him, take care. Lavi is just a big kid, from time to time!"

Lavi just pushed him, as if playing around... But Allen felt the weakness of the gesture, more like something out of a poor play. His skin was slowly growing a healthier color and he seemed to be getting stronger. Allen had already seen him looking at the black marks in his arms, signals his Innocence had left upon evolving...

Lavi had not entered details of what he had felt. He couldn't find the path to enter the subject and neither if he wanted to speak of it for now. He kept it for himself for the time being, and even now, he felt comfort in that memory.

" _But I think I understood one thing about the Innocences... Something Allen always knew... Without knowing he did_ "

"Just try to not get yourself killed..." Lavi said when Allen was at the door and lifted a closed fist. _"_ And if this Fourteenth tries to cause problem, kick his ass"

"Well, I think that if I don't, you will end up forgetting your recover and chasing me down just so can strangle me"

"That's right" The other replied at once, knowing this was a hidden incentive, a way of Allen to ask him to recover, to not allow that darkness to devour him through his memory. There was a moment of silence in which their eyes touched and this communication passed through them, Lavi nodded.

Yes... Allen always said he would keep going. If they looked behind, they were lost.

While they left them and walked down the stairs, Allen felt a little better. At least Lavi had tried to react to the joke as he always did, though Allen could see it was something born more of instinct than true humor... For an instant, Allen remembered how he had nicknamed Link "Two Spots" and held a chuckle, imagining if he would end up giving some nickname to someone of the group...

It would be a signal of recover...

"Lavi seems strong" Lauren commented, not being fooled by the other's attitude either, but rather referring to how Lavi wanted to get better, refusing to be chained to the Ark through memories. The girl shivered ti think of what the Clan had done to him during his time at their mercy.

"Oh, that he is... I don't doubt he will recover sooner than you expect" Physically, yes. Mentally, he didn't know. No one had pushed him for details and Lavi didn't ever touch the subject, as it was expected. Allen had no idea if this could help him or not and from what he could see, neither did the others.

"Remember when I told you guys about the Battles in the White Ark?" Allen mentioned. "He was able to wake up from Road's Dream!"

They stopped at the door, sunlight falling over them with the promise of a nice day. They knew it would be faster if Allen and Raz went by themselves, but it didn't make the separation any easier. Last time, it had been a little before Allen going over to Mother's... A long time had passed since then...

To Allen, the idea of going after the circus where he had met Mana wasn't at all like visiting Mother. And the sensation it caused wasn't at similar, either. And though her motives weren't the same, Raz wasn't in a better state of mood.

"We will see each other again soon, right?" Johnny asked, not hiding his anxiety. He hated the idea of leaving them to go there by themselves, once he had swore he would never leave Allen again, but the boy had insisted too much that he stayed to help with Lavi and Bookman (both could feel more at easy with someone they knew around)... Johnny had accepted it, but wasn't happy about it.

"Of course, it is just..." Allen shrugged. "You know, _we need_ to do this"

"Call us always!" Samuel said again with his deep voice, messing Allen's hair. Once they had the golems, they could at least get in contact and worry a little less. However, they couldn't forget that among them, Allen and Raz were the ones being most targeted. He had warned the Exorcists how the Clan would be furious and couldn't imagine the reactions towards Allen and Raz... With the Clan, one never knew what to expect. "Good luck..."

Allen gave a weak smile, a sort of guilt in his eyes that transmitted more than words. Luck seemed to be something he never had and, taking notice of this gazer, Lauren held a giggle and shook her head.

"Take care of Allen, okay Raz?" She hugged the Noah. "His "luck" is an trouble-magnet"

"Hey!"

"And you take care of her" Lauren winked, going to hug the boy, who couldn't suppress a chuckle as he petted her head. A part of him couldn't help but to compare how different it was saying goodbye to them was from saying so to Lenalee and the others...

It was just the situation as his feelings on the matter. He didn't want to think much about it, but there was no way to block the fact. Grudge took no part of it, but the differences between such scenes empathized how things had changed...

He had told Lenalee he would always be an Exorcist, but...

He didn't feel like that anymore.

A warmth brought him back to reality when Elana hugged him. He would have felt embarrassed if he admitted it out loud, but he enjoyed when she did so... There was such a pleasant feeling that had nothing to do with body temperature and if allowed so, he would have probably remained like this for a while more...

There was something maternal in that embrace, something he had never known in his life.

"Take care, okay?" She whispered before backing away just enough so they could look at each other, the boy having to lift his face to do so. "At least try to not look for trouble..."

"I never search for trouble!" Allen couldn't help the reply, earning some laughs as Elana shook her head in the way of someone who is before a lost cause, then turning to Raz, embracing her as well, whispering at her ear.

"Just do your best... You're better than you were before"

 **XxX**

The door appeared as if blossoming from particles in the air, taking the shape of a heart with a golden frame that culminated in a crown at the top. Such details, as well as the black and red crosslinked, frequently made Tyki think about " _Alice in Wonderland_ " and he wouldn't have been surprised if the inspiration had come from it.

As soon as the door opened, Sheryl jumped even before the little figure came out, the face adorned by a smile that could appear due to a fun game as much as due to th _e_ screams of someone being broken apart like a doll.

"Hello! Did you miss me?"

No one had time to reply, as Sheryl hugged the girl cooing paternally how he had missed his " _little girl_ " and asking if Road truly felt alright and how happy he was to see her.

The Noah of Dreams made no effort to get free from the embrace, perhaps aware of how useless it would be and just smiled.

"I'm fine, daddy" She said in a soft tone that always melted Sheryl and turned to the others.

"It is a relief, Road" Tyki greeted her before approaching and messing her dark hair, then lifting a cigarette, as if she had just left for a couple of days. Though his relief upon having her back was as strong as Sheryl's, he and the others had a better self control... Or, in some cases, were more restrained in their demonstrations of affection.

What they felt was no different than that of a family whose member just woke from a long comatose.

"I'll say it, perhaps now your "daddy" will stop driving us insane..." Devit mocked, nodding in a solemn way as his brother giggled. Sheryl ignored them for the moment, still holding Road in his lap. The girl just tilted her head, watching the twins.

"It was every day!" Jasdero confirmed, fighting to keep a serious expression and having less success than Devit. "We couldn't stand it anymore, hee"

"You guys grew your hair" Road noted with some admiration in her voice, also ignoring the teasing. She, on another hand, hadn't changed at all. The time she spent in her Dream didn't affect her body and Tyki couldn't help but to admire how she looked the same as when she had disappeared back in the night they had rescued Walker...

Devit and Jasdero, despite their comments, had their faces shining with satisfaction at having her back.

"Eaarl!" Road suddenly got free from Sheryl and with cat agility, threw herself against the Patriarch's neck in a strong hug, laughing. The man didn't seem at all disturbed, quite the contrary, and returned the embrace with the same intensity, holding her in his strong arms with the same easiness he would do with a doll.

"So, what have I missed in those months?" She turned, a hungry glint in her golden eyes. Tyki sighed to himself, this wouldn't at all be easy... Wisely held a chuckle before her question.

"Sadly, a lot happened" The Earl affirmed, to which Road inclined her head with a cold curiosity coming alive in her eyes as she took note of the Earl's tone and feeling underneath, though her smile shivered when she turned to the others expecting the details as a prey bird waiting for an animal to die.

She didn't have to even ask.

"Oh, let's see... Our prisoners were "rescued", the Innocence of one of them burned Fiidora's worms..." Devit started, soon receiving a cold glare from Lulubell and Toraido, which he ignored. Despire his sarcastic tone, there was no humor there and a cold aura dominated the room, denouncing a fury that, while intense, was patient enough to wait the propitious moment to take action.

"Raziah is alive, Road" Wisely cut in, at once earning the girl's attention.

There was a moment of silence, in which some of the other's curiosity was teased. They had no idea of how Road would take to it.

"What did you just _say_?"

"Raziah is alive." Wisely carried on, not giving a hint of emotion. "And she is traveling with Walker"

 **XxX**

Raz was waiting at a path leading outside of the town as Allen was in a old-looking store, asking for specific directions. She had preferred to wait sitting in a rock at some distance, reflecting briefly that this wasn't a busy path... Until now, she had seen just a cart passing by.

This notion was a mere blink, her mind turning back to what she had remembered with the care of someone entering a field where flowers hid traps... It wasn't only the slaughter that took her mind, but also the conversation with Mana and Neah. Perhaps it was because it was the first real memory she could rescue from the cold river inside her and, for this, it was surrounded by a fragile and sweet sheet, a secret of crystal.

But this wasn't only it and the girl was well aware.

" _We planned to travel together..._ "

It had been a promise, _their promise_ , something precious between them. An idea of a future where this would be possible. Not in travels motivated by missions, not with the roads ending in blood, but just traveling and exploring.

She recalled Neah playing and calling his brother "Walker" in reply to the other expressing how he would like to travel even by foot... A dry chuckle was born in her body, being shattered by other sensations and dying before it was born.

" _And he used that name_ " Somehow, though this was her only memory of Mana, there was some comfort at this. Perhaps he had tried to keep some connection with those days, even if they belonged in a gray past, perhaps they still had some value to him...?

And Neah?

Raz felt a shiver in her blood echoing in her nerves.

She couldn't understand. She couldn't define was went through inside her. All that she knew was that she had felt a great care for the Campbell twins. This was a feeling that had never been forgotten, it had just nestled itself in the ashes of memories as it waited for the ideals circumstances to reveal itself. She knew it in her soul, as a baby knows the mother even with just few months of age, that they had been best friends, always together and... And...

And Neah had killed the family...

Had tried to kill _her_...

And she had no idea of what had made him do so...

Had... Had it been something they had done? Or... Or had he tried to kill her for some other motive? Has she done something?

The promise they had was no longer worthy for him?

Neah... Had hated her so much to the point of wanting her dead?

Her face held only serenity, not releasing the cold storm inside. Raz watched the clear skies for a second. There was sun, but the warmth no longer reached her.

Neah was dead. Mana was dead.

Those days would never come back.

Underneath her skin, needles pierced her nerves, fragments of glass shards running in her blood, hitting her veins and arteries, tearing apart organs in the way. The faces of Mana and Neah mixed with those of people she had murdered, the voices of Alyera and Luston echoing in her skull along with cries of pain...

Mana and Neah... Had they known of this? Oh, what a silly question. They were there, with the Clan, of course they knew what had happened. Had they loved her even so? Didn't' they care for slaughter?

The thought twisted her stomach. She hadn't cared, after all...

" _Mana... Neah_ " The mourning was only inside her, along with all the things she couldn't escape from.

 _Tsumetai namida wo tataete –_ When you are overflown with cold tears  
 _Toki ga michiru koro –_ And when the time is up  
 _Anata wa hikari wo sagashite –_ You will probably have sought the light  
 _Yami wo hiraku darou –_ And shattered the darkness

The song came as naturally as the heartbeat. She had no idea if it was born now of if she had known it before, but accepted it as so many other things, slowly hugging her legs, making herself smaller. Why was the sun shinning?

It was cold.

Neah had been composing something that night... It wasn't " _Tsunaida Te Ni Kiss Wo_ ", this she knew somehow. Had he finished it? How many days they had had together until it all had shattered?

Had Neah already been planning to kill them that night? Had Mana been aware? Behind the smiles of that night, had them despised her?

" _Neah is inside Allen"_ There was no controlling the thought... Like the question made by instinct and not words if there was any light that could be searched by a Noah.

Yes, Allen was inside Allen...

But it was not the same thing.

The promise remained shattered, reduced to nothing.

 _Akane no utagoe –_ The scarlet singing voice  
 _Sono mune wo somete yuku –_ Slowly dyes your chest the same color  
 _Eien ni kogarete –_ As if it is an eternal yearning  
 _Chiriisogu shirabe no you ni –_ And swiftly dispersing the melody

Mana was dead.

Alyera was dead. Luston, too.

Neah was _dead._

" _You killed people, hurt families.._." Yes. Wasn't there a certain justice that it had happened to her family, then?

The skin in her hands recalled the touch of blood, the face she had touched briefly before willing her shadows to break it apart. And for an instant during which reason slipped away, Raz could almost feel that red drops were impregnated in her skin, as a red curse.

Like Allen, she didn't know what had happened or how Neah had come to possess the boy, but none of those answers would change how he wasn't supposed to be in this world anymore...

No matter how much she wished she could see him or Mana again...

Even if just for a moment...

Neah... Neah... He had no right to do this to Allen, to steal his life as if seemed to be his intention. In that moment Raz knew she would remain at the white haired boy's side, even if it come down to stand against the one who once had been her best friend.

Neah had been her brother as much as Allen was now.

Neah was dead. Allen was alive...

The decision was free of doubts, yet its cold fingers played the chords of her interior, which contracted in response.

 _Kagayaku sora no shijima ni wa –_ In the stillness of the shining sky  
 _Watashi no niwa ga aru –_ Is my backyard garden  
 _Itsuka anata ga tadoritsuku –_ And someday, you will finally reach  
 _Migiwa no kanata ni –_ The other side of the shore

The verses tasted of irony. There was no garden to be found and whatever shine there could be beyond the sky was out of her reach... And what happened, when Noah died? The power and instincts awakened in someone else, of course, but what about _them_?

Images of blood danced in her eyes with mockery and Raz could hear the echo of laughter... And she felt as the damned creature the Order believedher kind to be. What if she missed that sensation? What if she still liked it?

" _Please, I don't want to be a monster..._ "

But there was a whisper in her. A low whisper, whose words weren't clear, only the meaning. Raz had been able to ignore, had slowly became able to restrain the desire that had been born in the night she had been able to tear Apocryphos' feathers from Allen's arm...

That was the desire to spill blood. To turn to anyone who was touched by Innocence and tear the skin apart, expose the nerves and...

" _Please, no..."_

She had been able to control that. Yet the whisper had been present, had always been there, just pulsating with more strength in some moments rather than others...

Now it was more than a whisper...

She didn't want to be a monster.

But she didn't know what she truly was either.

 _Tsuki wo mamoru yoru no yami ga –_ The night's darkness, while guarding the moon  
 _Sasayaku komuriuta –_ Whispers along a lullaby on and on  
 _Nakanai kodomo no hitimi ga –_ Until the eyes of the children  
 _Yume ni nureru made –_ Who no longer cry, become soaked in dreams

There weren't no more songs. Her night had grown silent, when it wasn't filled by whispers of bones moving and in both, she was small and alone...

Why had all of this happened? How had it come to this?

From instinct, along with that ever-bleeding wound, came the knowledge that Neah's actions were unprecedented... Perhaps, taking in account how they killed without a care, this was something others would consider ironic, but that was the true: _Never_ before a Noah had tried to hurt, let alone kill, another Noah.

Alyera blushing gently. Lustol concentrated in his experiments. She would never see them again. She would never hear them again. Had they had the chance to speak to each other, to spend some time more together, before Neah killed them?

" _The people you killed had such a chance?"_

Melodies had ended. The dream of a travel had ended. All that remained were those shards...

They were useless. They had no use, other than cause hurt.

And perhaps, she was the same.

 _Sayonara –_ Farewell  
 _Nidoto wa aenai anata dakara –_ Since I will never see you again  
 _Itoshiku kuruoshiku –_ I feel like my chest is being hollowed out  
 _Yoru wa mune wo eguru you ni –_ By the nigh, deadly and madly

She felt something biting behind her eyes as a shiver crawled up her throat. Her nails went against the fabric of her pants, the pressure reaching the flesh of her legs.

" _I'm the only one left..._ "

Of the three, only her was traveling... Only her was exploring the world, even if the motivations were not the same she, Mana and Neah had desired.

" _I'm the only one traveling..."_

Her whispered voice failed her for a moment and the tone died a little more until it became less that a breeze that only her could hear when she hid her face in her knees.

 _Kagayaku sora no shijima ni wa –_ In the stillness of the shining sky  
 _Anata no ie ga aru –_ Is your home of return  
 _Tsuki no ochiru yami no mukou –_ Beyond the darkness where the moon sinks  
 _Minamoto e kaeru –_ Is the narrow path that leads you  
 _Hosoimichi –_ Back to the beginning

"Raz?"

Her face lifted with surprise, as she hadn't noticed Allen approaching, his head inclined to the side in an attempt to see her face, his features marked by such a sincere worry that she couldn't react for a moment, just leaning her chin in her knees, face half hidden by her arms.

"Hey..." The boy muttered, his hand landing in her shoulder. "What are you thinking about?"

Such a direct question, Allen knew perfectly, would have been useless if made by someone else. It wasn't in Raz to externalize what happened inside her. This question would probably only work to make her retract herself even more... However, Allen already knew it wasn't the same with him.

The girl turned to him. Someone passing by would only see that untouched serenity, maybe only vaguely melancholic... Allen saw her eyes, her position, the subtlety of her lips and thought it was cruel to think that she was beautiful in her grief.

"Mana. And Neah... And everything else" Her whisper made Allen hesitate. He hadn't personally spoke to her about this question. He couldn't help some excitement of perhaps knowing a little more about his father, as Mana had never spoke of his life previously to their meeting and, as many children, Allen had almost always seen Mana as someone who had always been an adult, always a traveling pierrot...

In the few times Mana mentioned some past, it was always regarding this lifestyle, which only strengthened such childish impression.

On another hand, the effects of the remembrance were far from pleasant when he looked in her eyes. His hand caressed her shoulder gently, trying to sooth her.

"Hey... I'm here with you" He said in a low tone, then holding her hand. Raz turned to him once more, slipping off the stone, the anklet Allen had given her ringing briefly when she stood at his side and both took the road, the sun still unable to touch them.

"Look, Raz, it is like Elana said. I don't know if anyone has the answers for this, but you _don't_ want to kill anymore" It didn't mean much when they were in this long play where blood danced, this he knew. He also had his own memories recalling Noah's blood-lust. "I agree, it doesn't mean things are just _alright_ , but you know this... You are someone different now"

He was being honest, there were no certain answers he knew to be completely correct. To dismiss what she had done would have been unfair and cruel to those she had killed... At the same time, he could almost see the self loathing that was being born in her, a putrid flower taking hold of her organs.

Perhaps Allen was being selfish, but he didn't want to see her like that, whatever the reasons she or the Earl had had in the past.

Raz wasn't at all convinced, only she hadn't what else to say about it.

"I wonder why Neah wanted to kill us"

Allen considered, truly _wanted_ , to tell her what Road had confided in him so many months ago: That Neah had fought for Mana. What stopped the words from forming was what the girl had whispered before retracting herself to her dimension, that this was a secret... And as such, Allen didn't feel in the right to repeat it. Not that those words held much meaning for him... Besides, for what Raz had told him, Mana had been accepted by the Clan, despite being human.

"Me too, Raz, me too..." Despite this, the Earl didn't seem to hate Neah. Even when Johnny had asked yelling why he acted in such way when the Fourteenth had tried to kill him, the Noah Patriarch's reply had been that he just wanted to be with the Fourteenth.

Now Allen had to admit he admired this, in some way. He had no idea how the other Noah felt, but to see that the Earl still seemed to care for him, though he _was_ a traitor...

That was the love of a family...

"It was Neah who started to call him Walker?" He couldn't refrain the question in a soft tone. Raz nodded once more.

"Yes... It was... It was a joke between us" She shrugged one shoulder and some softness returned to her manners. "Mana... Mana said he wanted to travel, even if only by walking... Neah laughed, we all wanted to travel together, yes, but that was going too far. Neah called him Walker and the name caught on" She didn't know if this had been just between them or if it was the same for the others, or even if they had known about it. She had the impression they had...

"You were close friends" He commented, starting to imagine how the days they had spent together had been. There was something pleasant to imagine Raz had been friends with his father. "Well... Mana traveled. I don't know for how long, but he did..."

The path cut the field ahead them, a pale snake lazily sleeping among the green and Allen turned to the girl with some cheerfulness.

"And now, we're traveling. Together"

"Together..." She whispered back. Allen was satisfied to see the opaque veil had retracted a bit from her expression when she asked. "Is the next city too far?"

"More or less... The store's owner told me there are a couple of crossroads in the way, but we only have to follow until a certain point, then turn right. We should be there by nightfall if we keep firm pace..." He looked at the small map the man had scribbled in a paper by his request (Allen was aware that Road had had reasons to ask if he had to get lost everywhere he went once, as his sense of direction wasn't quite the best), without truly studying it. "Or if we get luck and a cart or something passes by, we could try asking for a ride"

"Do you think it is the circus you know?"

Allen took some seconds to reply, folding the map and placing it in his pocket.

"I don't know. But maybe... If it isn't, maybe they know where they are" Perhaps some employee knew it by name, maybe they knew the other's route (he was too young back then to know details of it, but didn't logic warrant that it was in each troupe's interest that they stayed out of each other's way?). He could only hope that they could get at least some info, as he didn't recall all the places where the circus tended to stay clearly. He was a child and the cities back them had nothing that made them stand apart, once nothing in them altered how he was seen or treated.

And it wasn't as if he had been allowed to walk around them anyway.

"Tell me about Mana?"

"I thought I had told you everything...?" He smiled to her question, remembering how inexpressive she had been in the first weeks they had known each other, as if some part of her had forgotten how to express (or perhaps even how to feel) emotions.

Looking at her, Allen knew no one would see the difference. It was either that cold serenity or a complete lack of expression that made her seem a creature that could only dress as human, never able to fully mimic one...

But he knew it better, knew _her_ better.

Seeing that curiosity in her, which had a sort of innocence to it, Allen couldn't help but to feel some sort of warmth from the knowledge that Raz felt at ease to express herself like this to him. After their time together, he had also seen her slowly coming to trust the other Exiled, which had helped him to understand how this particular trait of her was.

Now that Allen thought about it, there was some vulnerability to allow someone to your feelings like this, as if exposing your heart to be touched...

She _trusted_ him. Like _he_ trusted _her._

"Only that he was your father and you traveled together. And a little about how you made street performances" Until Mana had died and the Earl had approached Allen. For a moment, the girl wondered if the Earl had known that it was _Mana_ that night... She remembered Father Mana, who she had met in the same city as the Exiled. Maybe the Earl hadn't realized, after all, it wasn't as if "Mana" was an absolutely uncommon name, right?

" _And he used the name Mana Walker. It is so obvious that it is perfect"_ Perhaps the Earl hadn't even stopped to think, to connect the points. So many things can pass by unnoticed when out of context that Raz wouldn't be surprised.

"Well... During the first performances, I was quite tense, I told you this, right?" Allen started, to which Raz nodded. "Mana helped me, he taught me how to juggle, to play flute... It took me a while to get used to it... The first time... Oh, boy, I was so _tense_! You wouldn't believe it!" He smiled at the memories. "But I passed around the people, holding out a hat and when I saw the smiles and received some coins, I felt so good! I had never done something like this and yet, I was being _recognized_! Not because _of_ _my arm,_ but because of something good" It had been the first time such a thing happened to him and for a moment, Allen hadn't know how to react. Raz didn't need him to describe the nervousness in itself, as she had felt something quite similar when first performing with him.

"Mana must have thought this was lovely" She muttered as she thought about the boy, and wasn't at all surprised when he confirmed.

"Oh, he did. At times I argued with him because of this... Because he was got in his head that I had to be a _cute little clown."_ Allen laughed, recalling those days in which he knew nothing, Mana smiling and playing with him, even when Allen reacted in a skittish way. "I would get so angry, I mean, _cute_? But he would just laught it off, even when I ranted"

Raz could barely held a laugh. It was a little weird to imagine Allen, always so polite, getting angry as any child who wanted to be seen as tough and expressing himself in such a way. It was somewhat adorable as well... And she could imagine Mana, messing his hair and fussing over him... She was almost sure this was how he would react, especially taking in Allen's description.

"It used to drive me insane. And he would just carry one, saying that was such a " _cute little one",_ picking me up, even when I struggled" The reaction wasn't born of displeasure, it was born from strangeness. No one had ever picked him up like this and despite the good sensation, Allen wasn't used to it and the only reaction possible was that of a street dog that was used more to be kicked than caressed.

"Mana was very gentle, Allen" This she knew. That only memory, someone might say, was not enough to cover affirmations like this and yet, Raz _felt_ it, with no need to recall more moments with Mana. "He rarely got angry..."

"That is true... You know, I couldn't ever stop being surprised how he never... You know, got furious" It wasn't quite what he had been about to say and Raz saw it.

"He had short hair when I met him" He added quickly to change matters, recalling how Raz had described Mana with long hair. "Well, it was easier to use the clown wig, I guess. You know that button I got from the Earl? His coat had the same ones, with that mark... I..."

Suddenly, Allen stopped talking.

They had reached a crossroad. Eyes had found each other.

There was a man there.

Short and dark hair. Black clothes. In his wrists, there were bracelets with a pattern in relief.

It was Chaozii Han.

For some instances, nothing happened. Time tends to stop in such occasions, several paths opening and then closing when a movement is made. The Exorcist looked as surprised as Allen, neither of them having imagined to meet in such ordinary circumstances.

Then, the flesh of Chaozii's face twisted in hate. It overflew from his eyes. Allen lifted his hands in a gesture that would have been of calm at the same instant, feeling Raz tensing up at his side, but without making any sudden movements either.

"Chaozii..." He started, but the other's Innocence came alive as he trembled. Allen hurried up. "Wait, I won't attack you..."

It shouldn't be something the other had expected to hear (if he had expected anything of a possible reencounter), but perhaps he was evaluating the situation, for he didn't attack immediately, staring at Allen in silence. His bracelets emitted an almost white fire.

"Please, listen to me!" The boy continued, unsure of what to say or how to proceed, forcing his voice to work. Kanda and the others had told him, at least a little, of what happened in the Order... And the idea once more strangled his organs. "I know what you must be thinking, but I swear, I _didn't._.."

"You damn traitor..." The other spit the words with despise, as if talking to a filthy creature that would make its home in corpses. Allen swallowed hard, feeling as if he had been punched.

"Chaozii, _please_ , I did not _..._ "

There was a lightening.

A intense burning in his jaw.

He tasted dirt.

Chaozii had run towards Allen. Raz was at once at his side, her eyes on Chaozii with unimaginable coldness. Allen held her wrist in a signal, half sitting as his face pulsated with pain. Chaozii had barely missed a spot that would have rendered him unconscious, but he still felt his brain shivering inside the skull...

He didn't want to hurt Chaozii, didn't want to fight him.

Raz cast him a worried look, to which he shook his head briefly, even if he also had no idea of what to do. But he knew Raz also didn't want to attack, didn't want to fight, not after what had happened.

" _Listen_ to me! I didn't kill Link! I didn't betr..."

Chaozii stepped forward, muscles hardened underneath skin, features made of iron. And Allen knew he wasn't _seeing_ him... He saw only a Noah. Only a traitor.

Just like the Order had classified him.

"Chaozii, _wait_!" He kept eye contact. He didn't know if it was this or his tone, but somehow, the Exorcist didn't attack.

" _Don't blink. He kills you. That's what he wants"_

"Why should I?" Chaozii growled between teeth. "You're a fucking _Noah_ "

"I am _not_ , otherwise your Innocence would have hurt me more!" He talked back, the pain was due to the physical blow, not the Innocence, Chaozii must have noticed this. Allen took off his white glove, revealing his arm, the cross nestled in his skin shining as a proof.

He stood up carefully, fearing that sudden movements would provoke a new attack.

The other's eye shivered before the arm marked by Innocence and Allent thought that maybe... Maybe...

"A Noah who used Innocence?" He whispered to himself. Before Allen could reply, Chaozii shook his head, his eyes on his. "Bastard... _You killed Link_!"

"It wasn't me! I..."

"You're not even human! You're a Noah! A traitor!" Chaozii growled back, his voice rising.

And Allen knew he wouldn't ever be able to convince him otherwise.

Chaozii attacked.

Raz and Allen jumped, but the boy was the target. Chaozii maybe hadn't even noticed the girl's presence. An explosion ran inside him when a fist found his stomach, organs hitting bones. Allen managed to land in his hands and feet, avoiding a bad fall.

" _Damn, what do I do?_ "

He didn't want to fight, but if he hesitated... Energy crossed his nerves, the arm changing. He didn't think it would be of much help, Innocences weren't made to fight other Innocences...

Chaozii came to him, Allen got ready...

There was a crack sound.

The Exorcist panted, black whips holding brusquely his wrists and ankles.

Raz needed to concentrate, she felt his strength, she felt his Innocence. It was like holding a poisonous, furious bull. Chaozii snarled, but didn't waste more than a glance at her, turning to Allen again.

"I'll _kill_ you, traitor!" It wasn't a threat, it as a promise. "You allied yourself to them! THEY WHO KILLED MISS ANITA! EVERYONE IN THE SHIP! YOU JOINED THEM, YOU _DEMON_!"

"I didn't join the Noah!" Allen growled back. "And I didn't kill anyone, I was attacked..."

Chaozii was past listening. Blind and deaf by rage. Twisting his wrist, he managed to take a hold of one of the whips. There was a sensation of shock in their nerve-endings, opposite matters in shock. The man didn't waste time to feel, turning to her as if only now seeing her.

He noted the reaction, shadows and his Innocence. This time it was Raz who kept the dance of gazes.

With a violent gesture, the Exorcist ripped the whip. His Innocence ran through them, breaking the others. Raz stepped back, the echo of the Innocence in her nerves.

Chaozii attacked. His fist aimed at Allen...

The sound echoed around.

Their eyes stared at each other, for a moment.

Raz had jumped, feline-like, getting in his way and blocking his fist with a darkness-covered arm.

Moved by instinct, his left fist followed the path. Raz's body folded, hit in the thorax. Innocence flown inside her, burning whatever it touched.

Blood slithered in fine lines through her chin.

Still, she landed in her feet, thought in a bowing position, fighting for air.

Chaozii stepped back a little. Allen was at Raz's side, for the first time, something close to fury finding birth in him. He reached out to her back, a call in his throat... And his voice died.

Raz's shadow waved in the ground. And Allen knew that the shivering that hit her body hadn't much to do with _physical_ blow.

Knowing as he did, he felt there was something... Something wrong.

And he remembered the Earl's words.

He had been slipping inside himself, but he had heard it...

" _Noahs can never forget the hate for Innocence.._."

Raz stood right. A line of blood in her chin.

"You..." Chaozii whispered, not hiding the suspicion in front of the reaction. If she was affected, the sensation of touching her, those shadows... His eye went to Allen, a smile that was more a grimace twisting him. "If you are not a traitor, _Allen Walker_ , what are you doing with a _Noah_?"

The whisper in the girl's soul was turning into a meaning, its touch spreading inside her body in spider's paws.

" _Don't... Forgive.._."

The white of her skin died, revealing dead ashes.

" _Don't forgive..."_

The grey-blue eyes became gold.

" _NEVER FORGIVE INNOCENCE!_ "

Black stigmas tore her forehead apart.

"Raz..." Allen called slowly. Her eyes slithered to him for a moment, their attention back to Chaozii soon. They had trained together, but Allen held back with Crown Clown. The only times there had been such direct touch with Innocence had been when she had ripped Apocryphos' feathers and later when the creature had attacked, but this...

" _YOU SON OF A BITCH!_ " Chaozii yelled, not caring if he couldn't hit Allen with his Innocence, just wanting to break him, to do it with his bare hands, to rip that false skin away and expose the Noah for what he truly was...

Raz _smiled._

Darkness embraced Allen, gently pulling him behind.

Both crossed in the air. Chaozii started a series of hits. The Noah, uncaring, dodged and avoided his fists until standing in a jump. His body was thrown back when her foot shocked against his face.

She was fast.

He threw himself against her. This time, when she blocked his attack, arm again covered in shadows, he managed to hold her wrist, twisting her arm in the air. Her body followed the movement, avoiding a broken bone. Tossing her over him, Chaozii let go... Punching her body against the air.

The girl leaned in hands and feet upon falling, before attacking again. There was no change in her face. Chaozii got ready in the last minute, attacking. Black needles were around her, cutting air.

" _What... What am I... Doing?_ "

The Exorcist crossed his arms, his Innocence spreading in defense of vital points. Still, drops of blood flew when shadows scratched his arms and legs.

" _Why I... Can't... Can't I stop?"_

Her body moved. It blocked when the man attacked, alternating between physical attacks and calling upon darkness, trying to pierce his flesh.

Chaozii grabbed her throat.

Pressure increased by Innocence, there was no air. The pharynx shivered... Darkness held his legs, tossing him to the air, ripping apart what it touched.

The Exorcist cut her with a hit of his Innocence. Allen remembered Tyki cutting Tokusa's arms with ease. Chaozii tried to hit, Raz twisted in the air and blocked with a kick. Innocence and darkness bit each other.

"Raz!" He called when she landed on feet and hands a little ahead of him, after a punch that had nearly hit her heart. The girl didn't look at him.

Her features were soft.

"It's alright, Allen" She said with absent serenity.

Shadows ran to Chaozii as demons. The boy cut the air, but they weren't solid yet and covered his senses. He groaned, grabbing one of those things when they touched his skin... His nerves cried out. And the Noah, in front of him, stared at him before kicking his face again.

He felt blood slithering down the left side of his face. Darkness compressed his body, small thorns biting. Muscles hardening, he invoked the strength of his Innocence, pressing back until the black cocoon cracked.

His arms were aflame with Innocence.

The Noah watched. She looked as calm as if she wasn't there at all. Shadows moved at her feet, a living and hungry curse.

But it wasn't her who he wanted. It was the other Noah, who remained in human shape... And he ran right, aiming, flames in his wrists growing...

"DIE, TRAITOR!"

It all happened too fast.

A sound of whipping.

Flesh against flesh.

The grey hand had collided against Chaozii's throat, making his body shake with a spasm.

Veins of darkness escaped her fingers and scratched his skin as serpent hatchlings. She had ran to stand in front of Allen at the last moment.

Chaozii tried to reach to her. Black, oily tires came against his forearms, slapping around them and pulling back towards the ground, almost testing the limit of his bones while keeping away from Innocence.

There was silence.

Raz tilted her head to the side, a shadow playing underneath her skin.

"Want me to rip your skin off?" She whispered almost sweetly. The snakes came closer, touching his eyelids, making Chaozii shake his head without success as they played in his ears, teasing the flesh... His fingers flexed briefly, shadows coming up his neck in veins...

"Raz, _no_!"

Raz blinked and turned to Allen, who held her arm. For a brief instant of dread, he thought she was beyond his reach. Though a veil of mist still covered her eyes, the girl leaned her head to the side.

"What do you mean, _no_? Why _not_?" She asked in a muttering that could be either indignant or confused. Allen's heart was still out of rhythm and he swallowed.

"Just let him go..." It wasn't a plea, nor was it an order. He couldn't lie and say it didn't matter, be to her or himself. But this didn't mean he wanted to see Chaozii _dead._

She still stared at him for a moment. Allen nodded. Upon turning to Chaozii, her gold eyes were cold with hate and she approached her face to his, almost touching him.

"You live..." Her whisper was made of ice. "Because _he_ wants so"

The man had no means to reply with the throat being held. Yet, there was response enough in his eyes. Raz saw this.

"After today, each damn breathing, each beat of this worthless heart of yours, you owe it to _him._.."

The Noah released him, but the hold of the shadows remained. She wasn't so naive to let him go at once. Chaozii looked from her to Allen, making it clear he wished them nothing else but pain.

"Next time I see you... If you attack us again..." Raz whispered. "I will make you _wish_ you were in Hell"

No interruption from Allen. Chaozii's threat had proved to be too serious and while he hated both, there might be some fear from Raz and this was perhaps the better defense they had, at least in this particular instant.

Perhaps it would be easier... To kill him. They couldn't force him to come along, not without another fight that would tire both. And Chaozii had already showed how he wouldn't listen, even if they tried to explain, he would just dismiss it all and want to go back to the Order. Trying to ignore how this made him feel and the part of his brain that conjured the image of how the others in the Order would react in the same way upon seeing him (or maybe running in the other direction, fearing him as they feared the Noah), Allen took a breath before crouching down.

Chaozii said nothing, still held down. Allen thought the ex-friend would have spit on him if they were close enough and fought to remain with a neutral face when he hit Chaozii in a specific spot to render him unconscious.

For a while, he and Raz remained there, not moving. Coldness had left the girl and she was back to being the Raz of always... Yet, the scars of the whispers and of what she had done were clear on her. It was almost as if she was waking from a strange dream...

Observing the man, the girl felt as if she couldn't understand at once what had happened. Even though she was more than aware that it was necessary to fight, there was hesitation now... She hadn't quite fought humans before like that and... And she had been scared.

But she had only wanted to help Allen, only...

" _Oh, but that's not all... You wanted to kill him_ " The thought was as true as traitorous and it revived the cold in her.

No, she just...

" _You wanted to kill him..._ "

A soft touch in her wrist called her attention and she and Allen exchanged glances. Both knew they should go on and fast... Chaozii wouldn't be able to tell the Order exactly where they had been going, as there were more crossroads ahead, so perhaps they would have some luck... They had to hurry up.

Even knowing this, none of them found strength to move. It all had happened in a few moments, but there was no sensation of it being over. It was like a nightmare which echo reaches to reality.

"C'mon..." Allen called her, needing actual to encourage his own brain to command the muscles to move, forcing himself to look away from the man he had one day called friend. Both started to walk again, feeling weary, weak and hurt. Raz could almost feel the Innocence, its blows had hit her more than physically, they had reached her blood, her organs, everything that was _her._

And... She had been moving with the same naturalness with which she walked... Without needing to think, to reflect, just reacting...

"He... He _will_ tell... You know..." Allen said in a low tone.

"Yes... You _saw_ how he looked at us..." She hesitated and Allen noticed her gaze turned to inside ofherself.

And inside herself, Raz found and learned a truth that she already knew and had ignored. And comprehended what Tyki had said that night in the Forest of Lights, when encouraging her to destroy the Innocence in her hands... And what had been underneath Wisely's softly cruel tone when he had whispered in her mind about her keeping a human appearance.

She comprehended what she had felt upon holding Apocryphos' feathers and her wish to attack Allen, no mattering how brief it had been.

The instinct of a Noah... It was a _murderer_ instinct.

"Allen, I..."

He interrupted her at once, knowing without needing to hear her, what must be tormenting her mind. He might not have a meticulous knowledge of Noahs (that if someone outside the Clan had it), but he knew _Raz._

"If you're going to apologize, don't even" He said firmly, forcing her to look at him. "Raz, listen to me closely. You _didn't_ do anything wrong, you were defending us, it is different..."

This was true to him as well, but there was no effect in how he felt and the boy sighed, shaking his head. The day had barely begun and he felt as if it was already taking too long to end... He remembered how they had helped Klaud with the Level Four akuma and how she, apparently, hadn't told anyone that Allen was traveling in company of a Noah.

Chaozii wouldn't do the same.

"But..."

"We're on a war. If you can avoid killing, then do it. But if you have to... If there is no other way... Defend yourself." And his grasp in her shoulder tightened in a signal of comfort. This was a truth both understood, but as so many other things, there was the need to convert it into sound, to absorb it physically through a sense.

Maybe it would come the time when they would need to kill someone. Maybe a Finder or an Exorcist who tried to attack them... Or at least, as they had done now, to leave them unconscious.

"In the situation we are in... It's not always we can afford the luxury of gentleness" It didn't mean they had to enjoy it.

However, he made a mental note to have serious conversation with her about it.

Because he could see it wasn't only this what was biting her inside.

And his words, in the end, had done little to soothe her.

 **XxX**

Wrapped in silence, the Earl reflected while an akuma bowed in front of him. There was no way to interpret what was happening, for there was no nature in the silence that could be noticed and as much as he didn't wear his mask, his face didn't allow any trait of emotion to reach the facial features.

His enemies would take his silence for one that promised suffering. The rest of the Clan might take it as curiosity and even excitement. It depended of what a person would be leaning towards as truth.

He had been helping the others to fill Road in everything that had happened during her absence, how they had almost captured Apocryphos, how their prisoners had been rescued... And about Raz, who now fought at Walker and other Accomodators's side and how she was devoid of her own identity and memories...

Those were long explanations and the Clan had also decided upon a special dinner to celebrate Road's recover when an akuma had asked to speak to him, bringing news that he preferred to listen to privately.

"I felt Walker's presence, my lord" The thing said in a childish voice of metal, an akuma of level two that quickly approached level three. And like all other obscene creatures whose creation mocked birth, it was anxious to serve the one who had constructed it, not knowing another desire. "He didn't felt me"

Of course not... It had been at a safe distance, hunting members of the Order when it had felt the lady Noah and the boy, but since the Earl's commands were to lay low for a while, it hadn't attacked and kept the distance to not trigger Walker's eye.

"They were with an Exorcist, master. Miss Raz fought him"

This was quite interesting.

"Was it one of the ones who were present during the attack to the Ark?"

"No, no, sir" So it wasn't a trap or an argument that had evolved to something more serious. The Exorcist in question must be from the Order, not sharing those other's loyalty to Allen Walker. Their meeting could have been a coincidence... Unless some of those other Exorcists had called the Order... No, if such was the case, they would have sent more people.

"Was the Exorcist killed?"

"No, master" The akuma went on, voice marked by anxiety born of his desire to serve. By a rule, akumas had no feelings. They were machines and as much as they could develop a simulacrum of self awareness, it wasn't enough to make true feelings. They were able, depending of their development, to behave in a way that created the illusion of a personality of their own...

But they were machines. Nothing more.

At times, some exceptions could come to be, he supposed, but those were far too rare.

All they were filled with, was the devotion to the Clan.

The information that the Exorcist hadn't been killed was quite a disappointment. Though, with Walker, perhaps it wasn't cause to surprise as much as he desired otherwise.

" _Allen Walker... Son of Mana. I should have realized by the name"_ He thought, not for the first time since he had shared that strange vision with the boy, an phenomena for which he had no explanation. What he wondered, even now, was how he could _not_ have realized it... And if he had, would it have changed the course of actions?

For that, however, he knew the answer. Of a detail of it, at least...

" _He used this name because of it. There is sensibility in the choice"_ He tried to now allow the implication of all of it to infiltrate his mind, not yet.

The knowledge couldn't be ignored completely, nor the subtle way how it touched thoughts and memories. It was almost poetic and also ironic how Raz was now with the son and nephew of her best friends.

He wondered what she would be thinking of all of this, if she had some notion of it, if she had recovered some memory to give sense to it... He frowned slightly, remembering when he had seen her for the first time since all this had begun.

But what stood out in this, now, was when she had tried to use her ability against him. And how he had felt in that touch, her hesitation, tension... And fear.

It was atypical. Raz wasn't someone to undress her feelings like a nerve for the world to see and usually had a great deal of control over her own emotions... And the little Tyki, Wisely and even Sheryl had noticed in the occasions they had spied on her and the boy along those months, as little as it had been, it had been enough for give the impression that such a trait had remained in her.

The fact that he had been able to feel it like that... It was a little worrying to say the least.

If it was the situation alone, he would comprehend and even feel a little... A little guilt. He hadn't had the intention to act like that, but his self control had fallen in front of a blizzard of emotions and thoughts, more than his mind and body could process.

But later, analyzing the situation and what had happened...

But no. He was quite sure that he hadn't felt just fear of their predicament and what could happen, not even hesitation of hurting him (thought he wouldn't deny that had touched him deeply).

It wasn't also because she was more used to help fighting akumas, that she refused to destroy (and he had been too focused in everything else to care for this in the moment) than against a living being, let alone a member of the Clan.

No. There was something bigger there.

Raz, perhaps so deeply that she had no notion of such, or more probably, didn't want to think about it in a conscious way, was afraid of _herself_. Of using her shadows completely. Afraid of what she could unleash...

Her potential was still there, buried and ignored, something she had no wish to touch.

He had felt it. Sharp fragments of fear and emotions too obscure to be comprehended, frailly kept safe by a thin sheet that could shatter at any instance.

No. Raz had no wish to use the full power she carried.

She was afraid of it.

Afraid of herself.

Afraid of what she was.

The Earl shook his head to himself. This wasn't right. Nothing of this was.

" _She should be here now. She and Allen!_ "

The question of how to proceed regarding them hadn't changed. Both were stubborn, to the point it aggravated his nerves as much as, considering everything, it wasn't unexpected or incomprehensible.

There were several ways of approach and they all sounded weak. The promise of explanations had already been rejected before being properly made, once both had already showed preference to seeking answers themselves, without a care to how much more complicated it would be. Threats and blackmail would only take him until a certain point and, in the long run, would be more harmful than beneficial, since the result would be just resentment...

There was no way to gain sincere cooperation.

The remaining option, to bring them back by force, was still unpleasant, but resource they would resort to.

It wasn't in their natures to take separation well.

And it certainly wasn't the Earl's nature to allow things to just remain as they were. When Wisely had told Raz and Allen how they belonged to the Clan, he couldn't have been more literal.

And now, there were thing he _needed_ to tell Allen and speak with him about, as the boy had the right to know...

The realization about the connection between him and Mana had forced the Earl to reflect about everything he had ever thought and felt about the boy.

They were enemies, yes. But a living being's heart is complex and it isn't unusual to feel more than one emotion towards someone.

The boy had been an annoying problem that refused to die, but only a fool without battle experiences would classify survival and the enemy's resources as mere luck. And a part of him, not without irritation, had recognized his abilities. There were some moments when the Earl had even admired Walker... The times they had faced each other, though briefs, were an example. Older and more experienced Exorcists had fallen on his knees and begged mercy, others had fought, resisting for a little while before fear finally broke their control.

Walker was among the few who had faced him while keeping focus, preferring to face whatever could happen with dignity, holding to their ideals and standing out in his mind for this.

Once more, the Noah Patriarch recalled the night he had met Walker for the first time. A boy small for his age, with poor clothes that perhaps weren't quite enough to keep him safe from the cold, sitting at the side of a tombstone as if not sure of where he was... Or even who he was... Only wanting to stay there, like a dog who can't understand the owner's death. Or who does and even so, chooses to remain close until it can follow.

It had took some seconds until the child even realized the Earl's presence, though he had been standing right at his side and speaking to him softly, trying to attract his attention with a false and suave conversation that quite quite efficient against his prey, traps shaped as words. He had greeted him, asked what he was doing in the cold, why he seemed so sad...

No reaction.

The boy was among those so lost in their mourning that when he had finally looked at him, the Earl saw he hadn't heard a single word of what he had said, neither was he understanding the presence of someone else there. Only when the Earl, spying the name carved in the cheap stone that denounced a poor burying asked him if he would like to see Mana Walker again. Then some lucidness had come back to those eyes, still blurred by loss.

The lack of someone else around was also a give-away to how the man was the only person the boy had.

And then, of course, their deal. Which had ended disastrously.

Why had he left him alive?

It wasn't as if he had felt the boy had some connection with the Clan. He hadn't even noticed Mana Walker had been Mana D. Campbell (if he had, those details alone would have made him take the boy along, even if just to try getting some information), let alone suspected he might be Neah's host (something he hadn't ever considered possible).

Someone might suggest it had been a rare, though not impossible, moment of compassion. The Earl wouldn't deny the possibility wasn't absurd, but it was the presence of Innocence that complicated matters... Yes, it wouldn't please him to kill a child (he knew many Exorcists would call him hypocrite and wouldn't believe him), but a child who had Innocence? The logic course of action was to kill him.

"Master? Do you want us to..." The akuma could barely hide the request as a suggestion, like a puppy, becoming quiet when the Earl dismissed the idea with a gesture.

Slowly, a substance unknown to man formed around him, a whiteness of bones taken off tombs gaining color, the mass molding to take the shape of a figure well-known by Exorcists, a mask hiding his true face.

"I believe I better check on them myself."

* * *

 **Allen: Don't you get tired of messing with us?**

 **Ana: No.**

 **Road: Finally! I'm back! Did you have to make me wait all this time?**

 **Ana: Yes...**

 **Road: Now, when I'll go meet Allen? I missed him!**

 **Ana: I'll ignore this... Speaking of you being back, where is Sheryl? I thought he would be here to complain how Raz didn't kill an Exorcist and all.**

 **Wisely: He went to buy presents to Road.**

 **Raz: And I didn't want to kill him!**

 **Wisely: Yes, you did...**

 **Allen: Lay off her!**

 **Wisely: The sooner she realizes what it means to be a Noah and stop fooling around, the better.**

 **Raz: Look, I just decided I don't want to kill anymore and ended up fighting an Exorcist, can't you guys let me and Allen rest?**

 **Wisely: You guys want to rest? Then just stop acting like children and come back home!**

 **Ana: This is going to last the rest of the night. Okay guys, it's like four in the morning here, so I'm quite unsure if the chapter is well translated. Any mistakes, please let me know! And don't forget to check my deviantart pages!**

 _ **bibliophile030:**_ _Samuel really despises this about Bookmen lineage and the fact this whole "record" deal may jeopardize his friends doesn't help matters._

 _Samuel: I considered it was better to make things clear with him..._

 _Ana: About Lavi... Well, he has a lot to think about and a long road to even start recovering. As for Neah... Oh, don't worry. He is far from done._

 _Neah: I haven't even begun._

 _Ana: Do you know how many people will end up punching you in the face if you keep this whole "erasing and possessing Allen"?_

 _Neah: It is necessary._

 _ **Meerub:**_ _Thank you so much! It means a lot to me when I receive new reviews. Haha, I know the feeling, they are both too awesome and we don't want them to die. I can't tell you what I have prepared, but I hope you'll like it._

 _ **jy24:**_ _They will need a lot of time and Lavi has some serious self-reflecting to do. And while they are at it, Raz and Allen also need quite a time to themselves..._

 **Everyone, thank you so much for following me to this point. Your support means a lot and I hope you guys are having fun!**


	30. Act Thirty – A Web of Light and Darkness

" _Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." –_ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

 **Act Thirty – A Web of Light and Darkness**

Life has strange ways of continuously remind us of the passage of time and the changes, even when one _thinks_ to be aware of such. Yet, one may return to his childhood home after years and even though aware that everything has changed, there will be still some soft surprise, a predominant nostalgia and a curious sensation, as if this was still, in some corner of his heart, his "home"...

It would be quite alike what Krory felt once he returned to the Order and he thought it wouldn't be too different from what the others might be experiencing as well. Lenalee had been quiet all the way to the city of their mission and during it, despite how things had gone rather fine...

For now, he knew.

Krory was engaged in a conversation with Komui as they waited, the chief having his usual raptures of cheerfulness before the return of his friends and his sister and though he hid it quite well, Krory already knew that this was more a great relief to see them returning alive, which overcame the anxiety for news. The two of them had returned first and as such, it had befallen them to tell all about what had happened to Komui and Reever, not leaving any details out.

Strangely enough, Reever had remained quiet, despite also interested in the tale and shocked when they revealed the existence of Apocryphos, a thing they had never considered possible to exist. Yet, Krory's vampire instincts were that of a predator and as such, even when this side of his was not activated, he often picked up details of other's behaviors... Such as the inquietude that came to be from time to time in Reever's mannerisms, no matter how controlled he appeared externally.

"It seems that some Crows have been sent specially to hunt Allen down..." Komui whispered, his smile working as a mask to his true feelings. Anyone passing by would at once think he was talking about some unimportant subject, perhaps a new idea for a Komurin.

Krory shook his head, not surprised, and his dark eyes ran around the room as Kanda informed something or another to the officials after having coming through one of the portals with Miranda and Marie.

He wasn't as foolish as to expect that coming back would invoke the same emotions of before, of happiness and relief... No, wrong… Such would imply that those sensations did not exist anymore and they were there, though exclusively related to the people. His despise for the place in itself was growing with the patience of a disease... His mind reminded him that there were almost no people left to trust there, but it didn't erase the past and some of the sensation of "home" still existed no matter how much he wanted to reject it.

This couldn't be home, not when there was no trust.

A Finder saw him and waved. Krory repeated the gesture... Brian had always been in friendly terms with him and Allen, but now his words of despise and downright hate towards the white-haired boy echoed in Krory's brain...

The Order had been his first real home, just as it had been for Allen.

He thought this was worse than the years he had been caged in that castle. At least while there, he had been physically alone as well, not knowing the coldness that can be caused by the presence (rather than absence) of others... At least the perception that there was nothing that turned that empty womb into a "home" and the lack of memories of warmth stopped him from mourning a change and loss of something he had never had. Now, memories of the good times mixed with the present...

" _When did things come to this? Or was it always like this and we were all just too naive to realize?_ " He didn't know the answer, but could taste the irony. As experienced they could be in the battlefield, they were still like children when it came down to the insidiousness of the world. He wondered if Allen had felt like that, as if realizing that a dear friend was neglecting or manipulating him and as much as he knew it would be better to walk away, there was still the longing, the desire to stay close while wondering if this friendship had ever been real.

The Order was no longer "home".

A movement of Reever at his side called his attention. Kanda and the others were done with the procedures and were coming over, Miranda raising her hand in a shy wave. Before Krory or Komui or Lenalee could say anything, Reever walked to her.

"Welcome back!" He said almost breathlessly, a soft smile being born (very different from the professional one for the trained eyes) and Krory took notice of some nervousness in the gaze that ran over the woman, as if in need to confirm over and over that she was alright. "How was it? I... Are you..."

Miranda smiled, placing a strand of hair behind her ear, hoping against hope she was not showing anything in excess either, but Krory saw the spark in her eye and how, for a moment, a soft pink had colored her face when she had first saw Reever.

Seeing how Marie had a light frown, he also understood he hadn't been the only one to pick up the signals. The other, with his acute hearing, must have felt the undertones in their voices or the music of their heartbeats as much as Krory had noticed their eyes delaying in each other.

"It was quite alright... I mean... We just had to deal with a couple of akumas" No sense in lying and say it had been easy... During the mission, the akumas they had faced had made quite clear how furious the Earl was at the moment with them and she had been certain that the Noah Patriarch would have gladly ordered them to be captured alive, just so he could break them himself, as a child would with a toy that was no longer amusing.

Miranda was grateful that the uniform hid the bandages in her arm and the wound in her hip, not wanting people to look at it, let alone to worry Reever and added.

"Oh, we recovered an Innocence as well and..."

"Very good news then, Miss Lotto?"

Kanda, who had opened his mouth to say they would have time to chit-chat later and was entertaining the idea of going to the cafeteria to get something to eat, became quiet as his blood quickened, heating up almost to the point of becoming unbearable.

Lenalee, who had been at her brother's side waiting to talk to the others as well, bit the flesh inside her mouth as the air around her became cold and the usual shivering dominated her skin. Even though her meetings with Inspector Levelier had become more often lately, they were not enough for her organism to adapt completely.

Miranda faced the man, managing to keep a smile of politeness and moving her head in a respectful gesture. If someone asked her, she would say her feelings about returning to the Order didn't differ too greatly from Krory's.

"Well, we are alive and we were successful, so I would say yes, sir"

Levelier nodded, seeming pleased. Reever needed all his self-control to not hold Miranda's hand and take her away right there. His displeasure for the man had reached such a point that the instinctive response was of repulse and anger, as someone finding a serpent ready to strike. The last thing he wanted was for the Inspector to get anywhere close Miranda...

Levelier turned his attention to Kanda.

"Congratulations, your first mission as a general went quite well, don't you think?"

Kanda vaguely wondered if the man was being sincere, if there was some sick sort of triumph behind that tone or if he was really mocking. Regarding Levelier, it wasn't easy to tell. However, even if he was being sincere, it didn't change anything for Kanda. It didn't even matter.

Receiving no reply, and perhaps not even expecting one, the Inspector looked over them with his usual smile.

"Well, just don't forget the formal report about your mission" And his gaze of iron stopped in Lenalee for a moment before he asked in a way that could have otherwise be taken as sweet. "You and Krory haven't made your report yet, right, Lenalee? Curious, but... Don't the Central rules say that such must be made immediately upon the Exorcist's return?"

The first impulse of the girl was to seek her brother's hand, but before her muscles reacted without her consent, her nails nestled in her own palm. Her arm shivered as if uncomfortable, being stopped in a gesture that was already natural. The others managed to keep their expressions calm before the man's words. The girl felt her lip shivering, her spine cold with the desire to run away... She hoped someone would say something, would made those eyes stay away from her, away, away...

"I-I'm sorry if... If we appeared to be disrespectful, sir..." She realized her voice failing her and hated herself for it for the first time. She couldn't remember if it always happened when talking to him but did remember how she used to run to Kanda when Levelier appeared. Even with his cold behavior (and perhaps because of it), the way of how the samurai seemed to be untouchable made her feel protected.

But she was no longer a child.

Forcing the mass of dryness in her throat to go down, she continued when she saw Komui about to say something. She had to carry on... C'mon, easy does it... Take a deep breath...

"But we returned just yesterday... And we're still recovering..." It wasn't a lie. Her legs were still unseen under the white gauze, the flesh dominated by burns. Some of her wounds had opened when she had fought akumas in her official mission afterwards. There was a new cut in her back, a deep crack in her flesh. "We were just too tired to present a report immediately..."

"And the rules specify that the Exorcists must present a report as soon as they return and _are in conditions to do so_ " Komui interfered, shrugging and managing to keep a carefree tone even when the other man's eyes slithered to him. "Sir, you must have received the Nurse report and you know how she would react if she ever heard that her patients had to go to a reunion such as this without being completely recovered from all their wounds?"

He couldn't fully use of sweetness in this last phrase, but there was no harm since the Head Nurse's temperament was legendary. Levelier evaluated him for an instant before amusement came to his facial lines and his laughter made Marie frown. He couldn't remember if he had ever heard the man laugh before... His audition focused in the sound waves, dissecting them in search of something that worked as a clue to his actual emotions.

"Indeed, indeed" Still with his back straight and his posture of "official authority", Levelier nodded. "She has her own authority and it's better to not provoke her. Well, then let us hope you recover soon." And nodded in a manner of farewell. "Anyway, I'm glad to see you all back. If you'll excuse me, I have some work to do and I hope to have some time at night to try a new recipe I found"

It wasn't until his silhouette had left the large room of the Ark Portals that Lenalee felt fresh air entering her lungs, blood slowly starting to run normally once more. It was only then that she realized her brother placing his hand on her shoulder and her own hand went to rest over his, needing that to confirm his presence there, that how she wasn't dreaming like she had so many times when tied up in a bed, until she was no longer aware of what was a dream and what was an actual memory...

Komui, in his turn, was surprised to see that Lenalee had tried to give such a reply. The only time she had come closer of even trying to face Levelier had been back when Chaozii had told details about the Battles of the White Ark, about Road kissing Allen (bad) and Allen's attempt to save Tyki Mikk (worse). Though he was surprised, there was a strong pride.

He knew his protective instinct regarding her was considered overbearing by many, especially those who knew little of everything and saw him just like a Supervisor of the Science Department and Lenalee as the superior of the two, blessed by Innocence, as if this made her someone _different_ , someone who didn't feel pain or sorrow...

He remembered she had told him that Chaozii, back in the Ark, had once been _surprised_ that they felt fear like anyone else.

Komui remembered the years he had dragged himself around an empty house. How there had been so many days when, upon waking up, his mind had tricked him into believing for a cruel moment that it had all been a dream and Lenalee was safe and sound in her bed... Only for reality to come. There had been days he had gone to her room, kept untouched, and had been unable to stop his tears...

He was her older brother. He should have been able to keep her safe...

And she had been taken away.

Then, after years, he had been able to reach the Order, after battling for a position that would allow him to stay in the building where his sister was and when finally, _finally_ had been able to see her... He had found her tied up, fed by tubes, a broken doll that was still kept for the hopes of being useful someday _..._

He hadn't been able to keep her safe. And this had happened. Her smile was gone, her eyes were dead and she was so thin that it seemed a mere touch would break her...

God, she was just a child...

Despite being able to be near her from now own, he was still useless. He couldn't even try going with her when she left for missions and upon seeing her leaving, he could only wonder how she would return...

In a coffin? In a stretcher? What scars would she bring back, what nightmares she would have?

He was supposed to help her. He was worthless...

"I don't like this at all..." Marie muttered in a whisper. This, coming from someone else, would have been rewarded with a sarcastic comment from Kanda's part, but the samurai kept his silence.

"Do I need to say it?" Komui asked the others with a sigh. No, there was no need. There was something strange going on in the Order and it had been for a while by now, yes, but none of them could fully describe it. It wasn't just people turning their backs on Allen, as horrible as it was, despite the comments and despise towards the boy, if you looked at the bigger picture... The Order's routines weren't as different from before.

It was something else. And it made them feel as if something had to happen soon, something had to give soon...

A twig can only be pressed until a certain point before breaking.

Reever shook his head. There was an unseen disease here, infecting nerves and blood, that couldn't be diagnosed until it broke the body.

"Leave it. One thing at a time..." Reever forced himself to say, as they couldn't discuss such here in the room with other workers nearby. When Miranda smiled briefly, he felt a warmth going up his face and slowly took her hand in a signal he needed to talk to her, his muscles relaxing. "Well, we talk about it later... See you, guys"

And both of them walked away, starting a whispered talk and leaving the others to follow them with their eyes.

"By any chance..."

"Did it seem to you guys too that..."

"When did they...?"

A chuckle was kept in Komui's throat before the atypical behavior of his friend. It was only natural that he, just like Komui and the others, would be tense while their friends were away in missions and hoping they would be back, safe and soon... Yet, it seemed that Reever had had more _personal_ reasons behind his worries.

Lenalee caught herself giggling a little, the sound softening her own nerves and suddenly, she realized a seed of desire to be alone for a while. It was such a small thing that it wasn't possible to fully evaluate the reasons behind it, but she merely said goodbye and agreed to see them later. For now, it was enough to know they were all alright.

She also walked away, taking a short path among the hallways, greeting people passing by as her mind was taken by memories while the ghost of Alison Rouwen's voice echoed in her cranium, spreading to the rest of her body through her spine.

The woman's words had remained in her, the poison of a scorpion that wouldn't weaken or fade, but rather entering a state of symbiosis with the host, living forever.

She wasn't quite sure about that group... No. Perhaps there was nothing to do with them, it was just her personal emotions... And a sensation that had always floated in her and happened to have found a firm ground in their meeting, then blooming with more certainty.

She remembered the Battles of the Ark. She couldn't tell if it had started there, or if this had been just a propitious occasion to allow whatever _it_ was to grow more, but it was a good starting point as much as the forests of China where Suman had died and Allen almost lost his Innocence. Well, not starting points, but events that marked something...

She remembered herself, sitting at the table with the Noah (and God, how she had been relieved that it was a long table, for it she had had to sit near one of those Noah, she would have yelled) as Road hugged Allen and mocked with sweetness, telling how the rest of the Ark was gone... And Lenalee had been unable to fight, unable to do anything...

If the Earl had been there, Lenalee imagined he would have laughed, as the cursed thing that seemed to feed of suffering that he was.

She could almost see herself, sitting there, trying to not shiver, looking nothing like an Exorcist, but as a girl who had no place in battlefields. She hadn't acted at all like she was sure Allen had when he had been not unable to use his Innocence as she had been, but _actively at risk to losing it forever_...

Lavi had held her hand, whispered for her to be strong with that smile he seemed to reserve just for her, even though in that moment they truly feared that Kanda and Krory might be dead and she had no hope left, only an emptiness that seduced her to the depths of despair...

And Lenalee had thought she had promised to be stronger.

Later, when the Order had been attacked, she had stayed locked in the Infirmary and would be lying if she said that there hadn't been some cruel relief in being there instead of out there, fighting, fearing what could happen should she try to synchronize with the Dark Boots once more... Until Levelier had come and yelled through the door about she was also an Exorcist just like the others.

" _Kanda fought_ " She thought to herself. " _And Mugen was destroyed, but he still fought. Lavi joined him a little after, didn't he_ _?"_

Some details became mist-like in her mind that was focusing only in herself back then, slowly going back to the past until when she was a child, waking up to her brother calling her and even touching the few memories she had of her parents... Then going back to the day she had been found by the Order, took from her home as she cried and her brother was held back by two men in black... It was like a book one reads over and over again...

Her room was a grave where only silence was her companion, exactly what she desired at the moment. Taking a seat at her dressing table, the sounds of her mind became more vivid, though still whispers of dreams...

She had promised to be stronger, but now that Lenalee thought of it, she wasn't sure she had kept it... She recalled Alison all but snarling that she hadn't missed Allen for _Allen,_ but the comfort, the "piece" of her world... And how, later, she had talked to Allen about things...

A part of her still wanted to yell that she was a good girl, a good friend, that she was in the right side of that war, but the memories that became more and more alive inside her as clowns jumping and mocking were those that didn't fit such words. As frequently happens when we question ourselves. And this time, Lenalee wanted that, needed them to fight back the lies of the conditioned part of her mind.

Her promise of strength, even if made to herself in silence, had been real?

What she felt was real?

She looked at the mirror, deep into the eyes of her reflection.

She was seventeen, on her path to eighteen. However, how often had she felt she was older than that, that her mind carried far more memories than the years seemed able to contain?

Even now, there were nights when her heart weighted too much, all of her taken by too many thoughts, too many scenarios and memories... And she felt so tired, so tired that she wanted the world to just go away. Even now, if she closed her eyes, she wouldn't have seen darkness, but a tornado of images of blood and ripped flesh...

She lifted her fingers and touched the mirror, almost as a child playing with the reflection...

" _I'm a good person..."_ Part of her still tried to say, but even to Lenalee, it sounded as a childish protest and the words were weak, so they were ignored. Her reflection looked back at her with no expression, something caught up in a cocoon and demanding freedom while blaming the one that had caged it.

Her hand fell at the side of the body.

Her hair was longer...

It reached a little under her shoulders by now, long enough to be put up. Now, along with all that she was thinking about, there was the hazed memory, almost a dream, of her mother brushing her hair, putting it up in two twintails as she said in her soft voice how much she loved that look in her daughter and later, Lenalee would ask her brother to brush her like that, unable to put it up as perfectly as her mother used to, her hands too small for the hairbrush.

Her eyes lowered and for a moment, she stayed still with the memories as company until she opened the drawer with an almost abrupt gesture, picking up a small wooden box.

Inside it, alone, there was a golden-colored ring.

The other had long ago been destroyed in a battle.

" _You have very beautiful black hair... You mustn't let the war get the better of you, okay?"_

Lenalee took a deep breath.

Enough with fake resolutions, of speaking and not acting and thinking about how things _ought_ to be. As the girl brushed her hair, she reflected that she had long ago to be introduced to the reality of the world, however itseemed she hadn't opened her eyes until now.

She had wanted to keep her hair as her mother had done, out of fear of forgetting her and Lenalee was aware of it. She had wanted to keep Allen with her and, though there had been a strong feeling for him, perhaps it had been also out of more selfish reasons than she would have liked…

Perhaps, perhaps…

All she knew now was that she was done with mere words. Long ago had come the time to actions.

The metal-like ring closed with a "click", keeping her strands in a ponytail.

Lenalee admitted the new hairstyle felt strange due to being different from what she had been used to, but also acknowledged that it was good for the same reason. Perhaps it was a foolish gesture and without real meaning, but it worked for her as a sort of compromise with the change, in being truly different from what she had been before.

She would no longer _think_ about being strong.

 _She would be strong_.

 **XxX**

A line of gold was on the horizon, still trying to grow to the skies in hues of orange, embers that started to go out even if trying to hold to the fire they possessed inside. Meanwhile, the rest of the sky gained a darkening blue as the day approached twilight.

They had watched the town from afar when seeing it for the first time, expanding itself to the horizon in houses and buildings that gained ground, a gray sea among the green. Years of traveling since young age had took away the possible nervousness of arriving at new places and taught Allen much about feeling the basic pulse of the environment and in this, there was always variety. Cities that usually accepted barefoot travelers and appreciated the novelty some could bring, be street performers or circus. Others would spit in gypsy fairs and poor travelers, while embracing expansive fairs and receiving rich tourists with gentleness.

Oh, Allen knew one couldn't and shouldn't shape all people of a town in such few categories, but there were cities with a strong enough sensation to deserve such classifications. The city in question seemed the sort that wouldn't despise anything as long as it didn't bring trouble and the law wasn't broken... Usually, this would make him feel a little better, but as they walked around asking if there was a traveling circus in town, all he could feel was a bitter taste in the depths of his stomach.

Even so, some people _had_ given him and Raz some glances and when they had entered a small restaurant, a young woman of elegant features had given her a derogatory look of arrogance, which Raz had either ignored or not noticed.

He couldn't focus his attention clearly and his thoughts often refused to follow a linear order. He didn't want to be in this town anymore and could only be grateful that Raz was there, for it had been her who had asked to the waiter in the balcony they were sitting if there was a circus around.

Allen had found himself unable to form the words, his body to busy in trying to make the bile stopping from going up his throat.

"Oh, yes, there is" The man replied while taking down their requests, the thick mustache shivering as he spoke with an exotic-sounding voice and gestured with his pencil. "It arrived just a couple of days ago!"

Allen's stomach twisted around with the regret of asking for anything to eat, the muscles under the skin freezing in a polite smile that hurt.

"Oh, that's great" He nodded, trying to hide his discomfort. "Can you tell us where it is, sir?"

The man laughed, a pleasant sound and winked to them.

"Of course! Who doesn't like circus? And, please don't take this the wrong way" He added, the green eyes going from Allen and Raz. "But you guys look like you truly could use some fun, you know?" Allen had no need to look at the mirror running the wall behind the man to know what he was seeing... He and Raz could be brushed and clean, but it didn't change the fact they were still two teens walking around with old-looking backpacks and some wounds they had been unable to hide.

"If you want..." The man continued before walking away and playing with the pencil in one of his hands, the notepad in the other. "I know an inn up the street, low prices and quite comfortable"

"Well, I don't know... I mean..." Allen made an effort to not look at Raz and to keep that smile. The air in the restaurant was stale to his senses and even the scent of food did nothing but make him want to vomit, though he had nothing in his stomach. "I don't know for how long we're going to stay..."

The man just said it would be nonsense for them to keep traveling at night. The later it got, less trains there were and the road could be quite dangerous and, well, where would they sleep? In the open air? No, no, it would be better to spend the night somewhere safe and he would be right back with their food.

Allen limited himself to accept and be quiet, feeling the dryness inside and placing his elbows on the balcony, as Raz remained still at his side with nothing to say. In other occasion, he would have tried to talk to her about all that had transpired earlier on... He actually knew he had to, _wanted_ to, but he couldn't find the words...

He knew he _should_ , if at least not to offer comfort, at least to be there for her... Both of them had barely talked after meeting Chaozii and he knew her calmness was only external. She was devastated by the memory of what she had been and then, as if caught up by a cruel joke of fate, had not only met an Exorcist who was truly hostile, but had lost part of her self-control and almost taken his life... Allen knew she would have if it hadn't been for his interference and so did Raz...

Killing humans was part of being a Noah.

She had recalled a time when she had been happy with the Clan, with the Earl, the same one she fought to stay away from now... Nothing could help Allen to even try to understand how it must feel, but he knew it couldn't be anything less than painful...

How could she fight against all of this, when it was such an intricate part of what she was?

He shouldn't leave her alone to be prey of such poison that lurked inside, should say something, do something... Just _act_ and try to reach to her... But each time he tried to even say something, his voice refused the command. His own mind was taken by the faceless figures that he banished to the corners of the brain with his best, hoping that time would suffocate them...

And now they were all back. And just like he had been unable to defend himself when he was a child, he couldn't defend himself now.

" _I'm such a pathetic person..."_ He thought, laying his head on his arms. Echoes of voices he had heard back in the circus while growing up confirming it.

Despite everything, Raz felt the same regarding him... Silence between them was not empty of communication, but now it was scarred by other sort of signs. And while Allen could fool others, and probably had along the years, she had seen his gaze when walking the streets, the subtle hesitation that edged refusal at the idea of even spending the night in town, as sensible as it sounded, how his voice when the man had confirmed the presence of a circus in town had been mechanical...

Allen wasn't fine...

He wasn't fine _at all_...

Yet, the wrong sort of comfort could easily be taken as a gesture of _pity_ , which would be just offensive, so she opted for asking about the man they had met in the road, hoping it would be somewhat of a distraction, even if it wasn't a better conversation subject than the others they had at hand... Her body had hurt for a long time after the attack and his Innocence had struck her organism in such a way that the pain had been even in her blood, running alive in her veins...

Pain, hate, loathing...

It was one thing to train with Allen, getting used to be surrounded by Innocence of people who meant her no harm, but it was quite different to be prey of it.

Although Allen had already told her a little regarding Chaozii, he jumped at the chance and spoke a little of when they had first met, about how Chaozii had found himself to be an Exorcist during the Battles of the White Ark... Somehow, when the subject died out, they went back to talking about Mana, despite him being at the moment too close of bitterer topics.

Yet, it was then that Allen's posture became less rigid, even though that dirty thing struggling behind his eyes still didn't leave.

The circus, according to waiter, had taken position in a public park. It was a little far, so both decided to spare some money in a cab wagon... The soft movement of the wheels, as well the hoof-sounds of the horse, quick turned into whimpers and skulls hitting each other to Allen, who otherwise found those same elements of a cab carriage to be even soothing... It was all in his head, he knew, but there was nothing to do to cease what he felt each time he thought this could be the circus where Mana had found him.

If this wasn't so necessary... He would probably have long ago cried out to the man to turn that thing around and leave town.

But he couldn't forget that day, nor how his life had been before Mana...

He had approached the man, who had been crouching down near the corpse of a little dog wearing a fabric collar that imitated the collar of a clown costume... Dry blood matted the fur, one of the paws was swollen up, eyes dead... The tongue that had just another day licked Allen's arm now fell between the little teeth, dry. One or two flies were around it.

The animal was lying in a shallow grave, that the man had probably made with his bare hands. Allen remembered that his first impression had been that the man was strange... When he had seen no tears shed for the dog, he had asked the reason with his rude manners of back then because, even for someone like him, it was quite weird that one would not cry upon losing someone that he held dear...

Then Mana had said, in his calm voice, that... Perhaps he just did not have tears anymore.

" _A_ _nd I didn't understand... I didn't understand anything..."_

 _He_ had ended up crying, though. And it had been unusual for him... Even at such a young age, Allen disliked tears and had become a stranger to them... Like he was to that feeling of loss, since he had never had anything...

He had know, as soon as he had seen the dog, that it had been Cosimov...

After all, he...

" _Stop, enough. It isn't the time to revive the past..._ " He told himself, taking a deep breath in the subtle way he knew how to, as to not call attention and tried to think about what Raz had told of Mana, trying to imagine the garden and the three of them sitting down under the veil of the night, promising to travel together.

" _If Mana was alive and had to choose, who would it be? You or Neah_?" The cold thought came and Allen tried to ignore it. It was cruel to even consider such a question and it made no difference... Mana... Mana was dead. Damn it, even Raz after telling of her remembrance had told Allen that, for her, all of this meant that Neah was also dead and he had realized that the intention behind those words had been to express her decision... _She chose him_.

He wouldn't be able to deny, but neither fully express, the warmth he had felt then. Not only for the intention as because he had never given much thought about how the state of Neah being inside him followed more a line of "possession" than being truly alive... And somehow, he wanted to hold to this idea, as it made it easier to think about his situation.

Now, sitting in front of him, Raz limited herself to look through the small window. For a moment, wanting refuge from his own mind as he would to poison, Allen opened his mouth... Only to close it again.

He couldn't.

Not yet.

" _Breathe, c'mon... It... It will be alright..._ "

For an instant, his mind provoked him with the whisper of ideas of how things would be now if the past had taken a different road... If Neah hadn't betrayed the Noah, what would have happened? Would humankind be already dead? Or that war would still be going on? And following this particular line, he imagined how it would have been if he had met Mana after becoming an Exorcist and how this would have played out...

" _Well, I wouldn't have white hair and this scar.._." He thought, but there was no amusement to it and he moved uncomfortable in his seat, feeling rotten inside. There was no use, never, to think in "how would it have been if...", so all that was left was to focus in the present...

Sudden movement picked up his attention.

Raz had stood and quickly changed seats, now at his side. Her hand found his. She said nothing, even when Allen looked at her, a little confused by the sudden gesture, her only response was a gaze that was a soft touch...

He sighed and squeezed her hand a little, using her as an anchor to not lose himself in thoughts he didn't wish to have and felt his muscles relaxing a little... Slowly, the bitter waves inside him eased, even though they were still there… For a moment, like a child, he was assaulted by the wish of lying down and curling at her side.

That was until the wagon stopped in such way that Allen instinctively knew they had reached their destination and the man opened the door for them. Allen took his time paying him before turning to the park's entrance... This time, it was his hand that sought Raz's.

It was easy to see the circus, even from where they were... The colored lights created an aura in the night. Which would attract people as sensorial promise of fun were to him cold fox-fires that appeared among graves... He couldn't help but to want to leave.

He took a deep breath. No, no, it was their better and only clue, he and Raz hadn't come all this way just to turn around.

Raz stood at his side and the boy knew she was waiting for him to decide. It made him wonder what she would say if he decided to leave and shook his head, trying to regain self-control, hating how his bones felt.

"Well... Let's go..." He muttered. And despite the sensations, they walked towards the lights, their ears quick to pick up the sounds of conversation and laughter... The blurred figures among the shadows of the night became more distinct and they could make out the colors, faces of people walking around, the stands...

Allen allowed himself a moment of surprise at how things could change due to the passing of time. The circus stood in the center of the park, on an area clearly meant for such things and surrounded by a iron, tall fence.

The main tent still stood in the middle of it all, pointing to the sky and seeming actually bigger than what Allen remembered, stripped of red and white... People were making a small crowd near the smaller booths and the laughter around denounced they were fair games. They should stay open for a while after or before the show, he supposed...

The night breeze made it so that the air wasn't so hot, even with the people around, and it carried around scents his body still remembered even after so long and that bickered his mind with memories... The circus was doing pretty better now, to have stands with food and prizes. Here and there, there were colors to be seen and shapes, be of animal balloons, be the posters announcing what the show had to offer or the fat letters above the stands, calling upon people to play... Laughter floated around...

Among all this, Allen thought he was going to puke.

He wanted to leave, he didn't want to meet those people, he wanted to go away...

"Hey, what do you think?" After all, Raz had never seen anything like it. The girl turned to him upon the question and shook her head so slightly that it was almost unnoticeable. All her senses were being attacked at once and there was too much to feel, to search and see, and she would have been lying if she said that it wasn't impressive. It was hard to focus attention in just one thing, there was music, people playing, it was hard to ignore even though she could see Allen was hating it.

"It is..." A shrug told him she was unable to fully define it and Allen caressed her head, as to tell her he understood and gestured towards the main tent with his head. He would have liked to tell her something, anything, but there was nothing in his mind. He just wanted to see the ringmaster (would it still be the same man?), find out the details of where he had been found and leave...

" _How many of the old troupe still work here_?" The thought brought him no nostalgia, only cold. The sounds around were ice cuts in his ears. Was Cosimov still alive...? Was he…?

They sneaked inside the tent, ignoring that it was clearly not open for the public yet, scenting the sawdust. There were some people there, obviously getting the last details ready for tonight's show...

"Why are those dogs wearing that?" Raz whispered upon seeing four white dogs in the circus ring, wearing what looked like small coats of red and blue, adorned with white lines that were silver dust.

"Well... It's part of the presentation. You know, sometimes they dance on top of balls and things like that..." As if emphasizing his explanation, one of the dogs jumped to a yellow bank and stood in his hind legs, turning around in small jumps. Raz just frowned.

"What this has to do with anything?"

"Some people think it's cool to see them doing more complicated tricks, so..."

" _That_ I get, what I don't get is the clothing" It seemed rather silly to dress up a dog like that. And sort of useless as well.

"It's part of it..." Allen started again, but Raz tilted her head to the side, in the way she always did.

"Isn't the focus of it the _tricks_?"

"Yeah, but..." He wasn't sure anymore of how to explain, even more with his senses being like they were now, and he wondered what she would ever say if she saw horses or tigers jumping flaming rings. This was something Allen recalled of the circus and had never shared the shine in the gaze of the spectators for it, perhaps because he had seen the training involved... He had learned earlier of how to get the animal to do so frequently meant it should fear the tamer more than the fire...

Wait...

This made him frown. For what Allen recalled, the circus where he had grown up wasn't the sort to care for the well-being of the animals, but the young man that was with the dogs wasn't yelling or branding a whip. When one of the dogs jumped to him, there was no insult or anger…

"Sorry, children" Someone said at their side. "But the show will start in an hour, so..."

The clothes were all Allen needed to identify the man as the ringleader and was surprised to see it was not the same one he recalled...

But what surprised him the most, was that the man had gentle eyes.

"Excuse me..." He started hesitantly, unsure if it was disappointment or relief that was being born in him, realizing now that he hadn't ever asked about the circus' name. "Is this the Wonder of Stars?"

The man frowned under the lustrous top hat that reflected the lights, a single white-silver strap around it. His eyes were of an impossible blue, contrasting with the black hair that fell on his back on a ponytail.

"I think you're mistaken, young man" He replied, placing his hand on his chest and giving them a smile, his voice gaining a melodic voice. The swallow-tailed coat was deep red and open, showing a white shirt. The interior of it was black, adorned by silver lines that made spiral-like figures, which repeated in the end of the sleeves. "I am Ben Hanscom, my young friend, ringleader of the Secret Dreams of the Night!"

Allen felt a chuckle in his throat, not because the presentation was exaggerated (it wasn't) or because he found it ridiculous (he didn't), but because his tension had vanished with those words. He felt washed inside. And he didn't know how to react or even what to truly feel... He passed his hand through his hair, unable to contain a smile.

"Sorry... We're searching for someone who works there" Raz said and it wasn't quite a lie (not that it would make a difference). "Do you know of it, sir?"

The man thought about for a moment.

"I do know quite some other circus, yes, you end up hearing about them when you're in the business, of course... Wonder of Stars... I'm unsure, when was the last time you were there?"

"Some years..." Allen muttered, hand going to his pocket to pick the button, wondering if Mana had ever been in this particular circus. The name wouldn't help very much, especially if he had been using another alias, but perhaps the button would? It wasn't a common one, after all... Even more with that design…

"Sometimes a troupe may decide to change the name and if it has been long..." Ben commented in a warning that he wasn't sure. "However, I think I've heard about this one. Sometimes we learn of each other's routine to avoid trouble." Not that it always worked, but Ben would always prefer to avoid conflict if possible, be with whoever it was. "It has been months, but... Unless I'm very mistaken, they were going through some cities more at South... Perhaps they are around there, somewhere like London..."

"Do you... Do you know of a traveling pierrot, sir? He used to make presentations with a dog, sometimes..." Allen showed the button to the man, who studied the emblem engraved on it. "He wore buttons like this one..."

Ben Hanscom evaluated the object as he tried to search in his memories for wanderers who had joined them for some time. It wasn't as uncommon as one might think, especially in times of harshness... But he shook his head.

"No, I don't recall of anyone like this... I'm sorry"

"That's okay... Thanks anyway..." This time, Allen wasn't touched by relief like before. But then again, he hadn't expected the man to know of Mana. He placed the button back in his pocket and exchanged a glance with Raz. Perhaps they really should go around London and the cities nearby...

It meant a long trip.

Ben took notice of this exchange and at once went back to the melodious voice and the smile he reserved to charm the audience.

"Do not fret, my young friends, do not fret." He took his hat off with a flourish movement of quick fingers, bowing. None of the teens could help a feather-like sensation coming to birth, for that man's smile could really be soothing. "You only have to rest and remain strong in your resolutions, after all, nothing is achieved if you don't try"

Still bowed, the man looked from one to the other, blue eyes shining as he showed the empty hat before taking a black wand from it.

"I suggest both of you rest and relax for now" A wave of the wand and a red spark appeared in the end and, for a while, left a trail when the man waved it around, making it seem there was a magical light dancing alive. Though he knew such tricks, Allen found himself appreciating it.

A new wave and the spark died out. Mr. Hanscom lifted his finger to his lips in a gesture of silence when he whispered.

"And I can assure you, the Secret Dreams of the Night offers fantastic visions that you'd never imagine possible and wonders that you shall never forget" He bowed once more. "Sadly, you must wait until the correct hour when such secrets can be revealed to human eyes, but I ask that you have fun until then"

The effect was the desired one: The girl seemed to have a light smile playing at the corners of her mouth and the boy's features became lighter. They exchanged glances briefly before he smiled.

"Thank you so much, sit" And nodded gratefully. "We believe it will be an unforgettable show"

"And you are correct!"

They waved before walking out of the tent, wishing him good night and Ben watched as they walked among the crowd, sighing. Being the owner of a traveling circus, he had seen many things in his long life, but there was never any enjoyment upon seeing stray children... Those two were obviously going around the world without truly having anywhere to go or to return... Ben wondered if they were siblings and for Heaven's sake, where were their _parents?_

"Thank goodness or what a pity?"

Allen didn't understand what Raz meant by that.

"What should I say? Thank goodness or what a pity?"

"I... I don't know." And he truly didn't. "I mean... We aren't even sure we will find it in London, but on another hand..." He couldn't lie. Raz was about to comment how this was their best shot at getting answers, be of his origins or of Mana, but decided against it as there was no need to remind him of what he already knew.

The question was... What they would do now.

"Want to check somewhere to stay? That man gave us the street of the inn, maybe we could go there?" It sounded like a good thing, they had been walking for a long time and even if they were used to it, it didn't mean a rest wouldn't be welcome. Taking all things in consideration, they also could use some calm hours to settle their emotions down...

Yet, now that he knew this wasn't the circus where he had grown up, Allen's senses processed the input differently. The lights no longer invoked an ill feeling, the air wasn't cold and the laughter wasn't mocking... On the contrary, the hues and sounds around had changed and became inviting. He thought about how he had enjoyed the little trick of Ben Hanscom, though he knew there was a secret little button in the bottom of the wand.

But he had still _enjoyed_ it.

Why would that be? Was it because he had seen it as a spectator rather someone who worked in the backstage? Because he was relieved? Or...

" _Or because we never have much time to just stop?_ " The reflection came to him as he watched a clown laughing to a boy while offering him a balloon that floated as a magic fruit. " _Time to... Relax?_ "

In his mind, he saw several scenes at the same time. Lavi wounded. The Earl attacking in a narrow street. Chaozii and his cold eyes, all in a storm of blood and darkness.

"I have one idea!" He turned to her suddenly. "Why don't we just walk around a little and have a good time?"

Though she had been seduced by the soft river of colors around, Allen noticed she wasn't quite sure of herself.

"What about the money?"

"We have some set aside to spare, right? Besides, we don't need to exaggerate, just walk around, play a little... Later I can try hitting some bars and we can do some presentations on the way to London..." Giving her his own version of "evil smile", he whispered in a sing-song way, as if either sharing a secret. "C'moon, Raz... I know you've never seen anything like thiiis"

When she sighed with a shy smile, he knew he had won.

 **XxX**

Allen recalled that when he was younger, he had no love for circus or the games related. It wasn't even due to living in the backstage, being untouchable by the supposed "magic" since he knew the machinations behind it, the truth behind the adorned animals and the procedures to build a world that looked beautiful to outsider's eyes... No, it wasn't that, but other motives that would poison any color and sound, turning everything into lies. Cheap trinkets to reflect the light in order to hide a putrefaction.

Yet, now... It was so very different.

For the first time, he caught himself laughing when he watched people playing, stopping to see the posters that announced the presentations. His body was light and even his worries had, at least for now, gone to the back of his mind.

He explained to Raz some of the games that one couldn't understand by just looking and both played some, laughing whether they won or not, stopping to see a clown making animal shapes with the balloons...

Allen lifted his face to the night sky, breathing the air that felt so anew to his lungs. The coolness was refreshing to the senses... At least this night, Allen thought, they could be just innocent...

No war. No worries.

"It would be great if we could do this more often..." He caught himself whispering before taking another bite of a skewer of meat he had bought, receiving a nod of agreement from Raz, who had another skewer and was currently chewing.

"Maybe we should try taking some time to just… You know, relax when we can" She whispered after swallowing. A pair of twins, wearing identical dresses, almost bumped on them and apologized quickly before running to a game of tossing rings, followed close by a woman who could only be their mother.

Allen smiled, it was rather cute to see children so excited...

The two of them, however, headed over to a stone bench under some trees, a little away from the stands now emptying and near the black fence. They sat side by side, watching the people and the lights. It wouldn't last, soon they would leave, but those moments would suffice for now...

Even the games they had lost had been amusing, both of them teasing one another, though others had been too easy due to their training. Allen had lost at the tossing rings (and Raz had lost at the dice), but the target shooting had been (unsurprisingly) easy, earning Allen a little white fox plush, which he had given to Raz and was currently inside her backpack.

As they watched, the clown of the balloons made one in the shape of a cat, giving it to a boy who couldn't be older than five. He walked away with his parents, starting to enter the tent. Slowly, people made a line that shortened rather quickly. It was like seeing figures being devoured. Some children held their parent's hands, others seemed unable to stand still... The people in charge of the booths were closing them.

None of those people knew of the war hiding in dark corners of the world, battles that happened when they weren't looking. And all the best for them.

Allen looked back the night sky that the lights seemed to want to reach. Yes, more moments like this would be nice... Truth was, even back at the Order there were always fears and worries lurking around... Maybe the best years of his life, the most peaceful ones, had been with Mana.

"Hey, have you..." He smiled turning to Raz.

"Oh, _are we having fun_?"

The colors died. The sounds faded.

As someone feeling a gun against his back, Allen's body refused to move, only looking with the corner of his eyes, unnecessary as it was to seek visual confirmation...

The Millennium Earl's mask was close to them.

Whatever freshness there was in the night was overpowered by the coldness he emitted.

Raz shivered, the hand landing on her shoulder stopping her from standing up. The touch had less intention of hurting than what she would have expected and that Allen was used to. The golden eyes didn't carry the insanity the boy had seen back on the street last time they had met, but the intensity remained.

It was enough to make him skin crawl.

Allen's eyes darted to the crowd. The few people that were out of the tent hadn't noticed the strange man in the shadows of the trees and they were soon inside the tent. And even if they did see him... Allen realized it wouldn't make a difference. The Earl could easily be taken by some performer of the circus…

And even so, why would he worry about some humans?

"Now, I really wouldn't like to ruin your fun..." The Noah carried on with sincerity, his hands briefly pressing them backwards, as if they had tried to run off. Raz's mind rushed around the brain, trying to find a solution, a way out, an idea. "But it's time to come back home"

He spoke as a father enforcing bedtime to his children. When Allen slowly closed his red fist, the instinct to make use of Crown Clown, the fingers in his shoulder pressed the flesh in warning.

Raz's muscles hardened in a signal of resistance. Allen kept staring at the Earl with the corner of his eyes, with all signals of displeasure.

But neither of them knew what to do.

"Don't be foolish, alright?" The man said, as if aware of what was passing through their minds. All softness gone from his tone, he said. " _Turn around_ "

Both passed their legs over the bench easily, in a way so they were sitting in front of the Earl. Their blood was thunder in their ears. With the shadows around, the Noah Patriarch towered over them and didn't let go of their shoulders. Even the lights, that had been pleasant a moment ago, became cold upon touching that mask, giving it a bone-like quality... Only the eyes were still alive.

" _Living eyes in a dead face_ " Allen's mind sang with the insanity that fear brings.

"Stand up"

Without a choice, they complied.

Raz kept her head lowered, shivering visibly when she held her elbows, looking as if trying to make herself smaller.

The Earl noticed this.

"There, there..." The worse was, his tone was truly caring. He leaned to her as if meaning to make himself less intimidating. "We're just going home, everything will be..."

A flash.

A metal-like sound.

The Earl released Allen, raising his hand in the exact moment and held the blade of his sword.

It had lasted less than a second.

Behind the blade, the boy saw a glint behind the glasses when the Earl's eyes slithered to him. The hand holding Raz, who no longer pretended to be distressed, increased the grip.

"I _told_ you to not be foolish..."

A wave of dark matter went against the sword, threatening to break it apart. Allen pushed back and didn't dare to look at Raz...

Black spikes came from the ground. Allen pressed a little more before jumping backwards, the pressure helping to increase distance. He took off with Raz, turning his sword back into an arm... It wouldn't be of any help and the light would only denounce their position.

" _What can we do? What can we do?_ "

Behind them, a sound that could be either a snarl as a chuckle.

" _He thinks we're_ playing _?_ "

It was like the last time.

But then, they hadn't had room to run.

Now, they had... But had nowhere to go.

They darted between two booths that were closer of each other, turning left and running more. Raz's shadows danced around to try fooling the senses, yet they could hear the Earl following them.

To fight was impossible. When Allen battled the Earl (three times, he realized, more or less), he had barely been able to hold his ground. The man had been the one to leave, just because he couldn't bother with a battle at the moment.

To climb the fence meant they would be seen or heard and caught. They had to run back to the entrance of the courtyard-like spot and then cross the park to leave…

"Damn..." Raz muttered when they hid themselves behind a small tent where, moments ago, people could get their faces painted. "Akumas?"

"I don't feel any..." He panted, more out of fear than anything else. "But if they are too far away..." It wasn't improbable that they would take refuge in the clouds. Or even at any other point, far enough to fool his eye.

What to do? What to do?

How had he found them? _How_?

They heard sounds coming from the main tent, laughter and sounds of joy. They mixed with the thunder of their blood. It made harder to listen for footsteps. Never the idea of going in there crossed their minds, they knew the Earl would not care for witnesses or victims.

Raz crouched down and spied for a moment, before rushing to hide behind a small wooden booth. Allen followed her. They had to leave the park, but if they ran out in the open, they would be caught right away...

" _Same if we stay..."_

Their muscles ached, begging them to run. Just run. Get away. _Run_!

The entrance wasn't so far. Maybe the Earl would think they had left. If he was searching around the rest of the park…

Allen's hand rested on Raz's shoulder as he leaned to her. It was her heartbeat he felt, or his own? Both remained crouching down, rabbits hoping the fox wouldn't sniff them out... Spying around it, there was no sign of the Noah Patriarch…

It was too much. They couldn't stand it!

They got ready to run, to try to...

"WATCH OUT!" Raz pushed him away in the last minute. Allen fell back, the Earl barely missing him.

Allen yelled without thinking, stumbling to get up and run at the same time. The Earl groaned something his mind didn't bother to decipher. He wasn't thinking, his body moved without his consent...

Fear commanded him.

It took him a moment to realize that, with the Earl coming between them, there hadn't been any path for Raz to follow him. There was a sound of something breaking inside his brain with this thought, yet, he could only keep running, thinking of a way to join her again...

Raz ran, her senses those of an animal hunted. She tried to focus if there was something in her that would warn of the Earl's proximity, without success. She stopped near one of the house-like attractions.

Once, the clan had used them to attract Apocryphos... Yet, the Earl had preferred to hunt her and Allen down...

If only...

Her limbs froze.

Her eyes glimpsed the yellow seemed to be checking one of the small tents... His back turned to her...

He moved.

She entered the attraction without thinking.

" _Alright... Alright... Leave this place, find Allen, go to the park's entrance and_ leave _!"_

Breathing in silence, as she didn't _dare_ to make a sound even now, she tried to clear her mind, noticing she was inside something alike a maze. It was no cause for worries, the construction seemed rather small from the outside, she would be able to cross it without issues…

No, it wasn't this what made the cold inside her grow.

Taking the first turn, she spied back to see if there was any sign of someone else entering... But there was no one.

Right... So, cross and leave the park, and run somewhere else... They needed to leave town…

" _What if there are akumas around?"_ Going back instead of finding her way through this maze crossed her mind, but Raz decided against it. It wasn't enough to actually get her lost and out there, it would be easier to be spotted... The ending was probably at the other side, from there she could run... Or even climb the fence without being seen…

Some of the walls held mirror of deformed reflections. Others had figures or dolls behind glass-walls. It seemed to be either a place to cause laughs or harmless frights... It was nothing that provoked her humor… And nothing close to the true dread she knew.

Under the weak lights, they were all twisted shapes that had no meaning. Their eyes mocked her. A hallway at right had the angle of the wall and floor's junction slightly cooked, enough to cause a curious sensation. Subtle manipulation in the game. The lights were off except for a few that were no more than star-like spots.

Her body tried to accompany the events. Less than three minutes ago she had been enjoying herself with Allen and now they had been once again tossed into a hell where the least of movements could cost dearly.

A blue beam of light in a glass showing a man with wolfish face blinked in disdain. Disdain for the peaceful moments of not long ago.

At an intersection Raz stopped for a second, trusting her instinct to pick the fastest path. Even children would have been able to cross this place on their own without getting truly lost.

Stay calm.

She ignored a staircase and turned left. The mirrors were far in between now, along with the figures... The predominant sight was of black walls…

Her body stopped without the mind's command.

Her nerves became needles under her skin.

There was _something_ in here with her.

She turned right next, the silence weighting around as if only now she had noticed it.

It left no air for her lungs.

Another dot-like light blinked.

The air was hungry for sounds. It demanded them. Raz controlled herself. An attempt to confirm if there was anything there (oh, god, there was, she _knew_ ) would only denounce her location. Shadows grew in her hands, with no other purpose but to make her feel better.

Her nerves were shattered.

"Ra-aaaz?" The voice floated to her and coldly held her nerves.

In such a place, to determine the source of sound proved to be impossible.

Whatever gentleness she had seen in her memory, she wasn't sure it had survived until today... Not when he had acted so insanely the last (first?) time she had seen him.

"My dear, don't you think this game has gone _far enough_?" And Raz knew the Earl _had_ noticed her when he had been with his back turned.

He had just been playing with her.

Biting her lower lip, almost to the point of drawing blood, she moved against the ice that tried to hold her in place until the Earl found her.

A low chuckle followed.

 _He was getting closer!_

"This brings memories, does it not?" The question was laced with kindness, having the effect of knifes, whether it was his intention or not. Her throat grew dry. There was a longing, a wish to turn around. She wanted to hug and to run away from him.

She walked away, as fast as she could without making sounds.

"Awww, I think not?"

The voice was closer. He had seen she hadn't waited.

Low chuckles approaching. Each a vibration that pierced her soul.

Her heartbeat was thunder. Some deep part of her body seemed to beg her to surrender to her hunter, in the anxiety to end this, no matter how... It would be easier, easier than to deal with those sensations, with that fear…

"Someone would _always_ call us to play like this..." The Earl carried on, almost dreamily. "And you would run and hide... But in the end... I. _Always_. Caught. You"

Raz looked around. Smooth, black walls. The few lights were dead moonlight. She didn't think if this was his doing, or her own perception, no time to think.

Go. Run. Escape. Leave!

His voice reached her, a broken melody echoing and devouring air. It denounced his approach, even if he walked calmly as she tried to go faster, still silently. Looking behind, Raz was unable to see him.

 _Little lamb lost in the night  
Tell me what makes you cry?  
Lost and hurt, all alone  
Resting among tombstones_

The mockery of a lullaby made her flesh crawl.

The confusion and fear were no different from what she had felt, when seeing him for the first time in that narrow street. But somehow, it was worse now.

" _No! Easy. Don't let it win. You have to keep going!"_

Yes, if she didn't banish that fog from her mind, she would be lost. She forced herself to ignore the cold bites inside her. And the voice that followed her with no hurry.

 _As you shiver in fright  
Sweet red drips on the white  
And even if this can be so fun  
Don't you know you can't run?_

Her legs protested as she went faster. No more. Nothing around mattered but her escape, leaving, things would be easier once she was out.

It felt so wrong, to be so scared of him who was her family.

 _And no matter where you go  
Silly little lamb white as snow  
You can never truly hide  
For my shadow is at your side_

He was closer, only his song as a warning. His voice was low, as if all of this was _truly_ just a game as Raz's heart struggled inside the body, her mind fighting to make lucid thoughts while being ripped apart by two opposite desires.

Her hands bleed more shadows, covering themselves with an oily black. Around, black fog accompanied her. Raz didn't realize it, aware that she was closer to the exit. Her legs ready to run...

 _So rest under the moonlight  
Close your eyes and no longer weep  
And in my arms you shall sleep  
Little lamb lost in the night_

She barely stopped in an intersection, noticing at once the way that led to a dead end, taking the other. Breathing faster, she turned a corner. If it was at least out in the open, she could try using her shadows to jump over the wall...

Another hallway.

Beyond a pale rectangle in the end, the night air called her, the park...

" _Found you!_ "

She avoided him in the last minute.

A pair of golden eyes shone in the dark.

A frozen smile.

The Earl stood in front of her, having taken another path sideways.

Raz stepped back. Shadows circled her arms.

"It was rather fun, Raz, but let's end this game..." He made no movement to get closer, only leaning towards her. "It's alright..."

She stood still. He wouldn't be fooled by another show of pretense like before. She needed something else... The hallway was large, but not enough to risk running. She had only one chance to pass by him without getting caught.

"Come..." He insisted, extending his hand as if expecting her to approach. Raz stared, she had not forgotten the tears behind that mask... And she knew that, in his voice and in that hand, laid the only end to that dull pain, that longing.

Because he was _family._

They stared at each other.

"You know I don't want to hurt you..."

They both knew it to be true. The Clan was not his slave, not beings that would annul themselves in favor of his desires. They were family in its purest sense. The only reason he would attack her now would be to weaken her. Never with murderous intentions.

And not if she agreed to follow.

"I won't go back to that life"

He cocked his head. The silence that followed held hell.

" _Oh_?"

The expression would have been mocking, if it wasn't for his tone.

The girl made no movement to approach and said nothing.

"Raz… Please…"

The Noah instinct, plus the emotions her body could not forget, impulse her to take a step closer…

Shadows came to life.

They grew under her feet, helping her to jump over him. Black needles fell. The Earl, taken by surprise, recovered quickly. Strong fingers closed around the girl's ankle. Her foot jerked in reflex, finding flesh.

The Earl groaned and tried to drag her back, refusing to let go, grabbing her arm then. Shadows, in response to their mistress' distress, became needles between their skins. Raz leaned her weight and jumped, her foot once more colliding with the side of his mask. White pain blinded her coming from her arm with the movement.

She was free.

Before she could run, the Earl tried to hold her as he would with a fierce kitten. There was a black storm around them, yet the Patriarch was stronger. Raz tried to fight and bite, until one of her whips managed to hold the man's throat.

Moved by the instinctive response, his hands went up, freeing her.

Raz ran.

Her arm was ablaze.

The man cried out for her.

She wanted nothing more than to turn around.

She wanted nothing more than to run away.

The black fence stood in front of her. Grabbing around, shadows helping her not to lose balance, she climbed over, fully aware the Earl was hot on her trail.

She run among the trees, not looking where she was going, her heart hurting. For a moment, she stopped near a tree… Only now she realized there was a coat of darkness alive around her body, helping her to hide. As long as she didn't venture under direct moonlight, it would be helpful…

Footsteps.

Raz crouched behind a tree, looking around.

She could see the figure of the Earl. Away from the lights, almost a shadow himself, he could be taken by a creature that haunted woods and graveyards.

A white reflex called her attention.

Contrary to her, Allen was easier to spot due to his white hair and shirt.

The Earl was looking around…

She slithered, surprised the Earl hadn't heard her heartbeat. Darkness went to Allen, who stepped back, but held his voice quiet. Relief took over his features and Raz pointed to the spot the Earl was with her head. The same oily darkness that covered her went to Allen, who nodded.

The Earl was coming closer.

Both of them crouched. If they run, they would be heard… Even with the mantle of shadows, they could be noticed in that small distance…

Raz held the body of the tree, climbing up. Seeing no immediate solution, Allen followed. The blackness held him, helping him up. Even now, he had to focus to not get lost in the strange sensation of such a touch…

In other occasion, Allen would have dared a fight.

But not now.

The tree had large branches and leaves enough to provide aid to hiding. They held on to it, hoping, more than either had ever hoped, that the Earl wouldn't look up. Allen felt his body shivering. It was different from the fights, when his senses were awakened and moving, it was different from being cornered, scared, in risk of being captured…

The Earl stopped under the tree.

He looked around slowly, moving like a tiger in a hunt.

Raz was assaulted by an idea. It was ridiculous, but it was better than nothing. Slowly, as if just by breathing she risked discovery, she took off her shoe… And threw it in the opposite direction.

The sound that followed was low, yet it carried on.

The Earl turned around… He seemed to hesitate.

And followed. Despite his size, he moved gracefully, making no sound.

It wasn't until there was quite a distance that the two teens dared to breathe again and climbed down. Not sparing a moment, knowing it would be only a minute until the Earl calculated what had happened, they took off.

At any moment, they expected akumas to come from the sky attacking.

There was a sound behind them. Even with the growing distance, they knew the Earl had once more given chance. And this time, in the right direction.

They were close to the exit of the park, close. Upon crossing the gates, they didn't wait and run towards a carriage cab, similar to the one that had brought them there.

"Hey, what a…" The man exclaimed in anger and surprise when Allen opened the door and Raz went inside. "Hey, what's going…"

"Please, take us to the city's station! As fast as you can, I pay!" Allen didn't wait for an answer as he closed the door. The Earl was close, too close, what if he had seen them entering the cab?

"What the hell? Why are you…"

"Our mother is dying! Please, help us!" Raz yelled from inside, not needing to pretend the despair in her tone. The man grumbled something but shook the reigns and the horse started a trot.

Neither of them dared to open the curtains or to look back.

They only prayed they would be able to leave.

* * *

 **Ana: I am so sorry I took so long with this!**

 **Wisely: You should be sorry about how lame it was. What a let down!**

 **Ana: Will you ever have something nice to say to me?**

 **Wisely: When you stop letting those two escape, yes.**

 **Allen: It would help if someone wasn't so creepy all the time! Really, what was that with the song?**

 **Earl: Raz knew it, I thought it would help.**

 **Allen: Help her with what? New nightmares?**

 **Ana: I know those lyrics were probably very lame, but I tried my best, as I have less experience with poems/lyrics than with prose. I wrote them while having in mind the melody of "** _ **Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"**_ **of the Dead Space game.**

 **Alison: Somehow, nothing of this comes as a surprise to me…**

 **Ana: I also made a tumblr account, on the suggestion of some people on Deviantart and a reviewer. The main one is ravens-and-ink, so if any of you enjoys sending asks to characters, you can check it. I'll put the link in the profile. There is also a link to my D. Gray Man headcanons and asks blog and the Hunter x Hunter one.**

 **Tyki: I doubt anyone would be interested…**

 **Ana: You guys are always a punch in my self-esteem, you know?**

 **Tyki: You're welcome, baby ;)**

 **Ana: … If you ever call me "baby" again with that expression, I'll make sure you won't have any.**

 _ **jy24:**_ _It wasn't this time yet, but believe me, they can't run away forever._

 _Allen: Watch us…_

 _Earl: You both should just give it a rest. Are you scared that I'm going to punish you? I admit I'm quite irritated at what you did, but I assure you…_

 _Raz: … He thinks we're running off because of that?_

 _Allen: Oh, yeah, sure, we have no other reasons…_

 _ **bibliophile030:**_ _Well, whatever their relationship was in the past, this is bound to be at least interesting._

 _Raz: I'm not sure I want to meet her…_

 _Wisely: Oh, dear, why is that?_

 _Raz: Geez, maybe because of the things I've heard about her?_

 _Wisely: … Point taken._

 _Road: HEY!_

 _Wisely: You did pierce the Walker boy's eye with a sharp candle, Road. So…_

 _Road: That was a long time ago! Give it a rest._

 _Ana: I've always seen that while Allen is moved by compassion and a desire to protect, Chaozii is moved by hate and revenge. In a way, they are two sides of the same coin._

 _Raz: … I should have controlled myself better._

 _Tyki: Are you listening to yourself? You should have ripped the skin off his bones! We really need to reeducate you, my dear._

 _Ana: Aww, thanks! You have no idea how happy it makes me that people like her, I honestly put effort in making her and the other OCs!_

 _ **afc:**_ _Even some people who knew Allen, such as some Finders, have turned their backs on him. Yet, the ones that truly know him, still believe in him. I'm glad that you find the reactions realistic, as I consider them crucial in story-telling. And yes, I'm with you, Wisely turned into quite a fun character._

 _Wisely: I'm flattered!_

 _Allen: You guys like the Noah because you don't have to deal with them…_

 _Ana: Well, of course!_

 _Allen: You have no shame._

 _ **SeventhStar 23:**_ _THANK YOU! I may sound mean, but this is what I was going after! And I'll confess, reading you considering Raz a cinnamon roll was great! I'm happy she can cause such reactions and that people warmed up to her. As for Elana…_

 _Elana: I just felt it would be wrong to not do anything about it what she did._

 _Lauren: I dunno, Ela, she was already pretty down about remembering the whole thing._

 _Ana: Maybe there is no absolute right way to deal with such things, who knows? Character song? Hm… I haven't thought about it, but it makes sense. As for who put her in that room… Not spoiling anything! And the relationship Mana and Neah had with the Earl… Yes, like I said, they aren't part of the same being, but I used a theory I had before the newest chapters were released._

 _Chaozii: If he is walking around with Noahs, it means he turned against us! He is an enemy now!_

 _Ana: Oh, shut up. That's why no one likes you. Haha! REALLY? Great! I was aiming for this, and yes, this is her not using her full potential._

 _Lauren: "Holy shit" indeed…_

 _Ana: I agree, no one would care if she killed Chaozii right there, but I still need him for the story, so… We'll have to put up with him. Sorry, but the Earl didn't kill him… Though he would sure deserve it._

 _Chaozii: Why is everyone against me?_

 _Raz: I don't know, Han, I think you're the one who provokes it._

 _Chaozii: Why, you little…_

 _Ana: Well, who knows? It depends on how their relationship was before all this mess, right?_

 _Neah: Oh, they were both…_

 _Ana: NO SPOILERS! You're not being mean, a lot of people are actually cheering for them to get captured to get more interactions like those. And it's not just in this fic, many people whom I talk to also want Allen to be captured in the manga… I confess I thought that would happen when he met the Earl._

 _Allen: What do you all have against me?_

 _Ana: We love you, but it's just that it would be so cool to see that happening… Wow, Raz is getting popular! Well, as for Wisely…_

 _Allen: I'd rather see her with Kanda!_

 _Ana: Oh, don't go all "protective brother", okay? Yeah, I was sleepy and the word wasn't working, so I had to use a program that didn't have a good corrector. I'll revise it when I have time, promise. Hope you like my tumblr, it was a cool suggestion!_

Well guys, this is it! Hope you have liked this chapter! 'Till next time!


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